The Metatron: I am to charge you with a holy crusade.
Bethany Sloane: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
The Metatron: Noah was a drunk, and look what he accomplished—and no one's asking you to build an ark!
Bethany Sloane: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
The Metatron: Noah was a drunk, and look what he accomplished—and no one's asking you to build an ark!
Loki: Do you think she means us?
Bartleby: No, two other fucking angels. Of course she means us!
Bartleby: No, two other fucking angels. Of course she means us!
Loki: "You didn't say "God bless you" when I sneezed." (raises gun as woman cowers)
Bartleby: "Loki!"
Loki: (hesitates and lowers gun) "....you're getting off light!"
Bartleby: "Loki!"
Loki: (hesitates and lowers gun) "....you're getting off light!"
Serendipity: How? That's the only thing I couldn't figure out.
Azrael: Oh no, I've seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.
Azrael: Oh no, I've seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.
Rufus: You [Jay] masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
Jay: Shit, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
Jay:: (Off Silent Bob's shocked stare) ... Dude, not all the time!
Jay: Shit, everyone knows that. Tell me something nobody knows.
Rufus: When you do it, you're thinking about guys.
Jay:: (Off Silent Bob's shocked stare) ... Dude, not all the time!
Bartleby: Here's what I don't get. You know for a fact that there is a God. You have stood in His presence, He has spoken to you personally — and yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.
Loki: I just love fucking with the clergy, man. I love it, I love it. Gotta keep those fuckers on their toes.
Bartleby: The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists. And in spite of it all, He's shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you, once, to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from Paradise. Where was His infinite fucking patience then? It's not right! It's not fair! We've paid our debt! Don't you think it's time? Don't you think it's time we went home? And to do that, I think we have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.
Loki: Wait, wait, wait...kill them? You're talking about the Last Scion, for Chrissakes! And what about Jay and Bob? I mean, those guys were alright.
Bartleby: Don't let your sympathies get the best of you. They did me, once. Scion or not, she's still just a human, and by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven. No harm, no foul.
Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: What did you say?
Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: Don't you fuckin' do that to me.
Loki: You sound like The Morning Star.
Bartleby: You shut your fucking mouth!!!
Loki: You do! You sound like Lucifer, man! You've fuckin' lost it!... You're not talking about going home, Bartleby, you're talking about fucking war on God! ... Well, fuck that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne! *Bartleby just stares at him with a quiet glare* I'm goin' back to Wisconsin.
Bartleby: (grabs Loki and pushes him to a wall) WE'RE GOING HOME, LOKI. And no one, not you, not EVEN THE ALMIGHTY HIMSELF... is going to make that otherwise!!
Loki: Wait, wait, wait...kill them? You're talking about the Last Scion, for Chrissakes! And what about Jay and Bob? I mean, those guys were alright.
Bartleby: Don't let your sympathies get the best of you. They did me, once. Scion or not, she's still just a human, and by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven. No harm, no foul.
Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: What did you say?
Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: Don't you fuckin' do that to me.
Loki: You sound like The Morning Star.
Bartleby: You shut your fucking mouth!!!
Loki: You do! You sound like Lucifer, man! You've fuckin' lost it!... You're not talking about going home, Bartleby, you're talking about fucking war on God! ... Well, fuck that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne! *Bartleby just stares at him with a quiet glare* I'm goin' back to Wisconsin.
Bartleby: (grabs Loki and pushes him to a wall) WE'RE GOING HOME, LOKI. And no one, not you, not EVEN THE ALMIGHTY HIMSELF... is going to make that otherwise!!
Metatron: Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode inside your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.
Loki: "Our last four days on Earth; if I had a dick, I'd go get laid. But we can do the next best thing.
Bartleby: What's that?
Loki: Kill people.
[cue Spit Take from lady in between them]
Loki: Oh, not you.
Bartleby: What's that?
Loki: Kill people.
[cue Spit Take from lady in between them]
Loki: Oh, not you.
Metatron: Good lord, the little stoner has a point.
Bethany: Look asshole, I don't know if anyone's explained it, but if those two enter that church, everything gets blinked out of existence, even you!
Azrael: Human, have you ever been to Hell? I think not. Did you know that once, Hell was nothing more than the absence of God? And if you'd ever been in His presence, you'd realize that's punishment enough. But then your kind came along, and made it so much worse.
Bethany: Humans aren't capable of one hundredth of the evil a shitbag demon like you is!
Azrael: [furious] Evil... is AN ABSTRACT! It's a human construct! But true to his irresponsible nature, man won't own up to being its engineer, so he blames his dark deeds on my ilk! But it's not enough to shadow his own existence: he turned Hell into a suffering pit! And why?! Because it is beyond your ability to simply make personal recompense for the sins you commit. No, you chose rather to create a psychodrama and dwell in a false belief that God could never forgive your grievous offences! So you bring your guilt and your inner decay with you to Hell, where the hoarded imaginations of so many gluttons-for-punishment gave birth to the sickness that has infected the abyss since the first one of your kind arrived there, begging to be punished! And in doing so, they've transformed the cold and the solitude to pain and misery! I've spent eons privy to the flames, inhaling the decay, hearing the wail of the damned! I know what effect such horrors have on the DELICATE PSYCHE OF AN ANGELIC BEING! [calms himself] I'd rather not exist than go back to that... and if everyone has to go down with me, so be it.
Azrael: Human, have you ever been to Hell? I think not. Did you know that once, Hell was nothing more than the absence of God? And if you'd ever been in His presence, you'd realize that's punishment enough. But then your kind came along, and made it so much worse.
Bethany: Humans aren't capable of one hundredth of the evil a shitbag demon like you is!
Azrael: [furious] Evil... is AN ABSTRACT! It's a human construct! But true to his irresponsible nature, man won't own up to being its engineer, so he blames his dark deeds on my ilk! But it's not enough to shadow his own existence: he turned Hell into a suffering pit! And why?! Because it is beyond your ability to simply make personal recompense for the sins you commit. No, you chose rather to create a psychodrama and dwell in a false belief that God could never forgive your grievous offences! So you bring your guilt and your inner decay with you to Hell, where the hoarded imaginations of so many gluttons-for-punishment gave birth to the sickness that has infected the abyss since the first one of your kind arrived there, begging to be punished! And in doing so, they've transformed the cold and the solitude to pain and misery! I've spent eons privy to the flames, inhaling the decay, hearing the wail of the damned! I know what effect such horrors have on the DELICATE PSYCHE OF AN ANGELIC BEING! [calms himself] I'd rather not exist than go back to that... and if everyone has to go down with me, so be it.
