The Horrible Bag of Terrible Things is a middle grade book by Rob Renzetti—his first book not based on an existing property. Released on July 18, 2023 and published by Penguin Random House, it's the first book in The Horrible Series.
11-year-old Zenith Maelstrom, stuck grounded at home with his 14-year-old sister Apogee watching him, finds a peculiar bag at his doorstep. After he accidentally pricks his finger on it and feeds it his blood, a grotesque spider-like creature emerges and takes Apogee with it inside the bag. Zenith is left with no other choice but to venture into the horrible world of GrahBhag, where he makes allies and enemies in his quest to find Apogee and discover this world's nefarious purpose for her.
Tropes:
- Affectionate Nickname: Apogee likes to call Zenith "Nit", which he hates.
- Animalistic Abomination: Shlurp, despite resembling a spider, is weird even by GrahBhag standards, being a child of the Wurm. It has "no identifiable head", a sort of goo covering its body hair, and actual human toenails at the end of each of its nine legs. It also doesn't speak at all except when posessing Muncie, instead making the gross slurping noise that gives it its name.
- Bookends: The first chapter opens with Zenith finding the horrible bag on his doorstep, with: "The bag groaned. When he lifted it off the front porch, he could have sworn that it groaned." The last chapter opens with an uneasy Zenith having made friends with Kevin Churl, and Kevin accidentally dropping his duffel bag on his foot, with: "The bag groaned. Or at least that's how it sounded to Zenith from the other side of the door. When it fell on the front porch, he could have sworn that it groaned."
- Damsel in Distress: Zenith's sister Apogee is kidnapped by Shlurp for the purposes of the Great and Holey Wurm—twice, in fact, as she escapes the first time—and Zenith finds it upon himself to save her. She doesn't want to be saved, though, both out of pride, and out of fear of Zenith being killed.
- Eldritch Abomination: The Great and Holey Wurm, the creature that everyone in GrahBhag worships as their god. It wears a tall, red cloak that covers its head in pitch black darkness, has a bulky, centaur-like back that makes it look less human-like, and most damningly, sports the same spider-like legs as Shlurp for its legs and fingers, but this time, there are way too many to count. Even beyond its physical appearance, its ritual—to become one with Apogee—brings about wind that somehow sounds like screaming, and getting close to it brings a sense of warmth and comfort, a sense of wanting to be a part of it. To top it off, multiple Shlurps emerge from its cloak, implying that the Wurm itself may just be a cluster of the things.
- Exact Words: Raggedy Albert invites Zenith to breakfast so they can be friends, letting him "eat till [he's] stuffed". He soon realizes what this means after he learns how Albert makes friends—after he's done eating, Albert tries to put stuffing in him to turn him into a fellow rag doll, even if it would mean killing him.
- Fantastic Diet Requirement: Kreeble and the other gargoyles eat Zenith's "grits", as she calls it—mainly his earwax, but also the grits in his belly button and under his toenails. Kreeble agrees to help him if he helps her to every last morsel of his ear grits.
- Fountain of Youth: After Zenith realizes Apogee was chosen for the Wurm's ritual because she's "the One of Age", without thinking, he erases the "-teen" in the sentence "Zenith Malestrom has a fourteen-year-old sister named Apogee" on the magic chalkboard, turning Apogee into a four-year-old. Apogee, once the responsible big sibling, isn't happy with this at all, especially after Zenith loses the chalkboard, sticking her like this for the foreseeable future.
- Literal-Minded: Kreeble takes every statement with its most literal interpretation possible. She doesn't understand metaphors or even common slang.Zenith: What? Are you kidding me?
Kreeble: I am not Kiddingme. I am Kreeble. - Mixed Metaphor: Prior to the book, Apogee had called Zenith "as curious as a killed cat". Apparently she's not as good with metaphors as she is with puzzles and games.
- Rewriting Reality: Muncie the Scribe owns magical chalkboards that dictate the Truth of GrahBhag. Everything that's written on them is everything that's true. Zenith steals one of them and learns that it can't directly transport people between worlds, so "Zenith Maelstrom has a fourteen-year-old sister named Apogee, and both of them are safe at home" doesn't work, but "...and he knows exactly where she is right now" does. Zenith uses it in desperation near the end to command the fastest creature in GrahBhag—which turns out to be Hugh the Seeker—and turn Apogee four years old to call off the ritual. The new truth does have an effect on the human world, as everyone but Zenith and Apogee remembers Apogee always being 10 years younger than she really is.
- Sequel Hook: The book ends with Zenith, knowing exactly where the younger Apogee is, urging her not to go back into the bag. They agree to go back someday, but not today, for her sake, with a faint chuckle coming from the bag.
- The Unintelligible: Raggedy Albert speaks in a muffled languagenote that Zenith can't understand. Kreeble translates for him.Albert: Ohiw pb vflvvruv dw krph. Glgq'w wklqn L'g qhhg wkhp.
Kreeble: Left his scissors at home. Did not think he would need them.
