Funny / The Silmarillion

• When Beren and Lúthien return, Beren declares that he has fulfilled the quest Thingol put upon him to "bring to me in your hand a Silmaril from Morgoth's crown." When asked where the Silmaril is, Beren promptly replies, "Even now a Silmaril is in my hand." He subsequently holds up his bloody stump of where his hand used to be. The Exact Words of the quest have been fulfilled, as the Silmaril is in his hand, and his hand is in the belly of Carcharoth, who is rampaging at that moment through Thingol's forest!
• During a scene with Sauron in his Tevildo guise Luthien starts yelling her tale in hopes her voice would reach Beren. He tells her to stop screaming but she essentially tels him "I'm a princess, I do what I want" while screaming even louder
• The scene where Fëanor calls Morgoth a "jail-crow of Mandos" and then slams the door in his face.
  • The narration pointing out that yes, Fëanor did just slam the door in the face of pretty much the most powerful being known to him.
• Haleth cracking the only joke in the whole book, and it's a pretty dark one. Elu Thingol demands that if Haleth's people are to settle near his lands, he wants their promise to patrol their portion of the forest for orcs. Haleth, who had already lost her family to orc warbands, replies:
  "Where are Haldad my father, and Haldar my brother? If the king of Doriath fears a friendship between Haleth and those who have devoured her kin, then the thoughts of the Eldar are strange to Men."
  • Not so funny when you remember that with all the kinslaying even in the face of being made extinct by Morgoth, just for some pretty stones (and almost every tragedy in the First Age), the minds of the elves are strange and scary places.
• Beren remarking to Thingol that Elven-kings must not think much of their daughters if they're willing to marry them off in exchange for some jewelry. This in response to an Engagement Challenge that amounts to "Travel to the hellish fortress filled with countless legions and demons and steal the most brilliant, beautiful, and masterfully crafted objects to ever exist from the most powerful being in existence".
  • But then again, it nicely sums up what all the Edain (the race of Men) are probably thinking about this war they stumbled into ("So let me get this straight, all this death and suffering is happening because of three lightbulbs?").
• The creation of the Ents — Yavanna has a hissy fit when Aulë makes the Dwarves, as he didn't tell her about it, or ask for her help, and they aren't the tree-hugging pacifists she would prefer. She then storms out, gets permission from Manwë to create a race of guardians, the Ents, and then comes back to gloat to her husband, who is busy in his forge and doesn't even look up from his work.
  Aulë: "Still, they will have need of wood."
• The Silmarillion manages to make Galadriel giving Gimli three strands of her hair, originally a heartwarming moment, Hilarious in Hindsight. Turns out that Fëanor had asked Galadriel for a strand of her hair three times. Galadriel giving Gimli his boon was not only her being kind, but also a massive "fuck you" to her creepy uncle.
• Lúthien and Huan defeat Sauron on his island, and Sauron has to fly back to Dorthonion still bleeding from his throat. One look at the map shows that Sauron must have been pretty hurt and panicked, because the shortest and thus fastest way includes flying straight over Gondolin and there is no mention anywhere that he reported finding, let alone noticed, the one city Morgoth has been looking for the most.
• Túrin being absolutely clueless about Finduilas's feelings for him, and blurting out to Gwindor that, when the day comes, he (Gwindor) can be healed and get back together with his loyal, loving fiancée. Gwindor's reaction is recorded as a flat, blank stare, presumably because there is no word for "facepalm" in Elvish.^* "Thîrplad" in Sindarin and "Antapalta" in Quenya might be close enough if you're looking for something, but it's not an official construct.
• From the Fall of Gondolin: One of the Gondothlim guards says a short poem about all of Gondolin's many names, including Gondobar, Gondothlimbar, Gwarestrin, and Gar Thurion, and ends it with basically saying "But we usually call it Gondolin".
• In an earlier version of the Chaining of Melkor, when the Valar besiege Utumno and have Morgoth surrounded, he agrees to parley with a single representative, but requests that it be neither Manwë nor Tulkas: “for the one would merit, and the other would demand, greater hospitality than I can provide.”

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