Funny / NFL Quarterbacks On Facebook

• Sam Bradford's sex analogies are horrific, yet hilarious. Special mention goes to his Beetlejuice appearance in the 2013 week 1 convo, when the other quarterbacks try and avoid saying the T-word three times, only to inadvertently summon his weekly analogy.
• John Harbaugh complains that the odds are against him when it comes to the Super Bowl because he doesn't have an elite quarterback. Joe Flacco takes offense to this
  Joe Flacco: IS JOE FLACCO GONNA HAVE TO CUT A BITCH!?
• A trash-talking conversation is interrupted with this gem about Ndamukong Suh:
  Andy Dalton: His name is a fuckton of Scrabble points.
• After Mark Sanchez finds out he's on IR, he finds out that nobody is paying attention to him and believes that he doesn't exist. Sanchez then makes the mistake of believing that he can say things without consequence, which leads to the following bits:
  Mark Sanchez: I AM AN INVISIBLE SPIRIT OF THE NETHER WORLD!
  Mark Sanchez: I can apparently say whatever I want, and no one can see it!
  Mark Sanchez: I once tried to fart in the huddle, and I accidentally pooped my pants
  Mark Sanchez: Sometimes when I can't find a tissue, I wipe my boogers on my cat's fur instead.
  Mark Sanchez: I like to masturbate thinking about Gisele Bunchden having a three way with John Madden and the rotting corpse of Al Davis.
  • This is followed by the quarterbacks finally acknowledging Sanchez.
  Drew Brees: JESUS CHRIST SANCHEZ, YOU SICK BASTARD!
  Sam Bradford: SERIOUSLY SANCHEZ, YOU NEED THERAPY, YOU TWISTED FREAK!
• Geno Smith upon learning that Ben Roethlisberger masturbated into the Jets' Gatorade bucket, as well as Mike Tomlin's explanation of what the Gatorade bucket is for.
• Eli Manning eating Papa John's Pizza as part of his bet with Peyton.
• The Running Gag in the Halloween sequel of people spinning in their graves despite not being dead.
• When George Blanda is discovered to be in Hell by Phillip Rivers, Carson Palmer explains that all Oakland Raiders go to Hell due to Al Davis making a Deal with the Devil where the Raiders would win the 1984 Super Bowl.
• When it's pointed out that two football players with the first name Robert and a last name that starts with G have had really bad luck with knee injuries this year, Bears center Roberto Garza runs away screaming, but trips and falls, breaking both his kneecaps.
• John Elway gets a bit drunk with power and starts throwing out signings like crazy during the 2014 Free Agency Convo.
  John Elway: KOBE BRYANT, I SIGN YOU!
  Kobe Bryant: But I play basketball. Also, I'm injured.
  John Elway: STEFFI GRAF, I SIGN YOU!
  Steffi Graf: But I'm a women's tennis star. Also, I'm retired.
  John Elway: SECRETARIAT, I SIGN YOU!
  Secretariat: But I'm a horse. Also, I'm dead.
  John Elway: PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!
  Pikachu: Too late. I just signed with the Giants as Eli Manning's throwing assistant.
  Drew Brees: Makes sense. He's used to throwing Piks.
  John Elway: ARVIND MAHANKALI, I SIGN YOU!
  Matthew Stafford: Who?
  Philip Rivers: Arvind Mahankali is the kid who won the Scripps National Spelling Bee last year.
  RGIII: He's 13 years old and weighs 112 pounds.
  Ron Rivera: Hey Elway, we'll give you our next two first round draft picks for him. I'll pencil him in as a starter at Wide Receiver.
  Ben Roethlisberger: BECAUSE THE PANTHERS LOST ALL THEIR RECEIVERS IN FREE AGENCY, YOU SEE
  • And despite this, even he won't sign Richie Incognito.
• RGIII and Joe Flacco tell openly gay football player Michael Sam that being drafted by St. Louis is going to be hell for him because of Sam Bradford's sexual preferences. Sam doesn't mind and preaches tolerance to both, but when Bradford enters the convo and details his latest sexual escapade, which is too gross and bizarre to repeat, Sam flips out, and goes on a rant against Bradford that draws similarities to homophobia. Ben Roethlisberger lampshades this by saying that what happened was a case of sexual tolerance irony.
• This part of the 2014 NFL Draft Convo:
  Nick Foles: Ha Ha Romo Sucks!
  Alex Smith: Ha Ha Manziel Blows!
  Ha Ha Clinton Dix: Ha Ha Clinton Dix!
  • The gag repeats itself in the 2014 Week 15 convo after the Packers lose to the Bills:
  Mario Williams: Ha Ha, Clay Matthews!
  Fred Jackson: Ha Ha, Eddie Lacy!
  Bacarri Rambo: Ha Ha, Ha Ha Clinton Dix!
• In the Week 2 2014 convo when Roger Goodell demands the players tell him about their misdeeds, after having to deal with the Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson scandals:
  Andrew Luck: Okay, I admit it! I RECORDED THE DODGERS-GIANTS GAME ON SATURDAY WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL! I’M A MONSTER!
• Tom Brady turning down the chance to make a gay joke after Aaron Rodgers practically hands it to him.
  Aaron Rodgers: THIS IS AWESOME. ALL THIS ASSBLASTING IS MAKING ME FEEL SO, SOOOO GOOD!
  Tom Brady: ...
  Tom Brady: Nope, nope. Way too easy. I’m not going to touch that.
  (later)
  Aaron Rodgers: WILSON, AFTER PEYTON MANNING IS DONE WITH YOU, I WILL GIVE YOU A SLOPPY-SECONDS ASSBLASTING THAT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET.
  Tom Brady: ...
  Tom Brady: Jeez, Rodgers. You’re not making this very hard at all.
• The other players' reactions to "Deflate-gate"
  Peyton Manning: What next, Brady? Is your crooked coach just going to demand playoff victories at gunpoint?
  Andy Dalton: Wait, can we do that? (immediately buys ski-mask and 12 gauge shotgun)
• During Aaron Rodgers' Atomic F-Bomb after learning that the Seahawks coming back to win the NFC Championship wasn't a dream, Philip Rivers and RGIII change the topic of discussion:
  Philip Rivers: Any of you guys see “Girls” last night?
  RGIII: TiVo’ed it. Hannah’s new hairstyle is really starting to grow on me.
• In "Meanwhile, In An Alternate Universe":
  • Aaron Rodgers tells people he is gay, and is very blunt about it:
  Aaron Rodgers: I LOVE COCK, I SWEAR!
  • Also, even being in an alternate universe doesn't save the Cleveland Browns from their Chew Toy Status:
  Browns Fans: Well, we’re just happy that our Browns have won 6 of the past 10 Super Bowls.
  Matt Ryan: What the hell are you talking about? Cleveland has never even BEEN to a Super Bowl, much less won one.
  Browns Fans: But… this is an alternate universe! Shouldn’t the Browns be successful here?
  ProFootballMock: Sorry. The Browns are doomed to be shitty forever in all possible universes.