- "Voldewhore" and "The Dark Slut". Tom is not amused.
- The tricks Harry and the twins play on Hogwarts after taking up the title "the new Marauders". Among other things, they rearrange the various classrooms so the Transfiguration classroom contains the Herbology classroom's equipment and vice versa, Potions switches with Charms, so on and so forth. Hilarity Ensues.
- Harry's habit of hexing whoever wakes her up. When she falls asleep just before the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students arrive, she wakes up to people screaming (in excitement, but she doesn't know that) and throws a Stunner at the first person she sees... who happens to be Karkaroff. That's right: Harry welcomed the Durmstrang students to Hogwarts by knocking out their headmaster. Great way to make someone feel welcome!Harry: [afterwards] ...What happened?Neville: You knocked out a headmaster.Harry: How much trouble am I in? No, wait, it doesn't matter. Because it was worth it. I Regret Nothing.Ron: You just got a total of ten points deducted and one detention.Harry: Wow, seriously? I really regret nothing now.
- Harry breaks Fudge's nose over the Sirius fiasco. Fudge is absolutely terrified of her afterwards. She exploits this.Harry: Minister, I would like to introduce you to my dear friends.[...] Fudge stumbled over himself to thrust his hand at the first person Harry introduced him to.
Remus: Quit taunting our Minister. You're going to give him a nervous break-down. You know he's still terrified of you.Harry: Oh, but it's so much fun!Hermione: There is something seriously wrong with you.
- Remus calls her out on it.
- Sirius meets Draco.Sirius: ...Hello, boy. [...] So you're a friend of my Goddaughter?Draco: Yes.Sirius: And are you certain you're a boy?Draco: Yes.Sirius: Then I'm going to have to give you the same speech I gave Ron and Neville. [Ron pales and gulps]
- Harry panicking when she realises something important to her is going to be taken for the Second Task. Bear in mind that Basileus is a basilisk and Buckbeak is a hippogriff.Harry: Alright, so they're going to take what I'll - OHMYGODBASILEUS! Oh my God! I have to hide him! Not my familiar!Tom: I don't think they could [take him] even if they wanted to.Harry: ...Oh, right. But then who else - OHMYGODBUCKBEAK!Tom: [facepalms] It's not your pet Hippogriff, either.
- Tom's reaction to Harry seeing the Beauxbatons boys.Tom: [glaring at the boys] Oh, brother.
- Followed quickly by "You're just [talking to them] because of hormones". Wow, Tom, jealous much?
- After Delano (the boy Harry was talking to) bursts into tears at not being chosen for the Tournament, we get this exchange.Harry: Ew. He's actually sobbing over not being chosen? So. Not. Eye-candy.Tom: What did you expect? He is a Beauxbatons student.Harry: Aw. Were you jealous? Don't worry, you'll always be my number one eye-candy.Tom: Go to hell.Harry: I'll save you a seat.
- Sirius gets a Captain Obvious moment.Sirius: How is winning an extremely popular, highly-sought-after-for-tickets tournament good for publicity? [beat] Oh, I think I just answered my own question.
- Sirius forbids Harry from jumping off Buckbeak in mid-air again.Tom: If it makes you feel any better, you have my support in this.Harry: At least someone has my side.
- Harry's "throw hexes when awoken" habit provides another funny moment when Dolores Umbridge appears in Hogwarts.Tom: [to a sleeping Harry, while Umbridge is making a speech] Death Eaters have taken over the school and one of them is giving a speech in Dumbledore's usual spot right now.[Harry wakes up and throws a nonverbal Stunner at Umbridge, knocking her through the window]Hermione: Harry! You just sent our DADA teacher out the window!Dumbledore: [amused] Is this going to be a regular occurrence?
McGonagall: Ninety points from Gryffindor!
- Right after this, McGonagall tries to deduct points. Unfortunately for her, Harry's a prefect, so when she deducts fifty points, Harry gives herself fifty points. Then McGonagall deducts seventy points. Dumbledore interrupts before Harry can award seventy points, but she does as soon as McGonagall's distracted. Just when it looks like Harry's won:
- Snape gets a bit of snark at Harry's expense.Harry: I have a Potions question.Snape: This ought to be good.
- Harry gets lectured by her various friends. Tom finds it hilarious.Tom: That's what you get for having concerned friends and abandoning them.Harry: You're enjoying this far too much, you sadistic eye-candy.Tom: Well, glad you still think I'm eye-candy.Harry: It's about all you're good for.Tom: Ouch.
- In Snape's first DADA class, he has the students practice wordless magic.Hermione: I would like to get the silent spells completely down. It would be nice if I could do all silent spells like you, Harry.Harry: Not all of my spells are silent.Hermione raised an eyebrow.Harry: I can't do the Patronus silently.
- Tom's invisibility poses a bit of a problem to public displays of affection.Harry resisted the urge to hug [Tom] tightly. It wouldn't do to start hugging air to the eyes of onlookers, would it?
- Hermione figures out Harry's feelings for Tom before Harry does and says she's smitten with him. Tom happens to be listening.Tom: I know I'm eye-candy, but really, smitten? I'm flattered.Harry: I - AM - NOT - SMITTEN![...]Tom: I'm not pushing the issue, Harry.Harry: Good. Glad you understand.Tom: I can be patient for you to get over your denial.
Harry: And what of you and Draco, huh? You blush around him an awful lot!Hermione: I am smitten.Harry: Exact - wait, what?
- Harry tries to turn the conversation to Hermione and Draco.
- The prank war Harry starts between the Hogwarts Houses. First she dyes the Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff dormitories pink, brown and purple, respectively. Then those Houses start throwing paint at the Gryffindors. Then it turns into a free-for-all.
Funny / Moratorium