NOTE: From this point forward, my liveblog will all be in script format, due to the colors command being disabled.
Likewise, this liveblog installment from here on takes place after the events of the "Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger vs. Power Rangers Samurai" liveblog. You'll see why.
Rika: Welcome back!
Carter: Previously, on Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers...
Rika: What else is there to say? Okay, some shit happened. Tommy and Kimberly hooked up again. We find out a bit on several characters' backstories. Also, RINO decided to go back in time, to destroy the Sentai groups where they're at their weakest.
And finally, the USSPRA reveal their own secret weapon to go to the past: their own ripoff of the time trains from Den-O.
...and I do apologize for not updating as often. Considering how fuck-boring this story is, coupled with real-life duties...yeah.
Mako: And now, we continue with...!
Chapter 6: The Very First Sentai
Rika: So our author's notes begin with the fact that Gorenger is the first Sentai series, and later in said notes, the team didn't have their giant robot yet. Believe it or not...Variblune not included, it's actually true.
Also, a little bit of history for y'all: it and J.A.K.Q Dengekitai weren't considered part of the Super Sentai mythos for many years. Then in 1995, when Choriki Sentai Ohranger premiered, that's when the two series were finally considered part of the family, so to speak.
Buuuuuuut all of this praise will be flushed right down the crapper, as we see the next sentence.
- "The reason why Jason is sent tot his first mission is because he was the very first red ranger in Power Rangers' history."
Carter: Uh...WRONG! I've taken a look at the files since the long hiatus, and I can confirm that Jason was not the first Red Ranger in its history.
Rika: Indeed. The Wild West Rangers and the previous incarnations of the Samurai Rangers, to name a couple, would like to have a word with you, Akizuki.
Mako: And we see that the trains were not the only things taken from a Kamen Rider series—the idea of travelling through various eras, and some of the time train, were taken from Kamen Rider Decade.
Rika: Which he's quick to say that it and Den-O were two series he didn't enjoy as much as older Kamen Rider series. Ladies and gentlemen, another sign of fuckin' favoritism.
Matoi: We begin with the heroes discussing RINO's plans, how he always swore vengeance, even—as it was repeated before—when he was in the body of an amnesiac crook.
Carter: ...that...just doesn't make any sense. (he has his hand on his forehead, shaking his head)
Rika: And I'm honestly kind of hoping that the Time Crystal isn't forgotten.
But anyway. They think he may try to rewrite history so he can emerge victorious. Or find some artifacts. So their plan is to stop him before he rules all over time and space.
Seriously.
Carter: And upon looking, it seems that the original Rangers did remember a few things, like how Kimberly went back and time and met the Wild West Rangers...and how Rita and Zedd created a clone of Tommy, back when he was the Green Ranger. So...did Akizuki even forget in the author's notes, or did he just not care?
Rika: Hands up for those who think he doesn't give a shit!
(everyone raises hands)
Mako: As everyone discusses about how dangerous changing the time is, and Tommy musing over who'll be Aka Red's fusee, Director Aya shows up, revealing that they'll undergo a selection program, with the help of Mr. Voice.
Rika: And apparentally, he used to be an alias of child genius Leona Giordana, but he has limited intelligence. Why? Stop trying to ask questions, it's not healthy.
(Mako nods, and she ends up making a cake...)
Carter: Man, they're really talking quite a lot, aren't they? I mean, now we're focusing a bit on Bulk and Skull being the new assistants to Professor Makino.
Matoi: And I may be sure that it has no relevance. Or importance. But who knows?
Rika: So we get back to the actual selection program with Mr. Voice and Leona. And the narration, as fucking always, tells us what we already know.
- "(Mr. Voice) was once an avatar of Leona Giordana, now he was an assistant program."
...God. This entire bullshit about...the whole "viewers are goldfish" mentality...my...guh.
Carter: So they're selecting the first people, which is nice. In fact, I'm honestly excited over who they're going to choose!
Matoi: ...even though it's already spoiled?
(Carter frowns)
Carter: ...damn it!
Rika: Okay, I think I recovered. Anyway, apparentally, they're talking about some people they've yet to meet...and I honestly don't understand it. But apparentally, they're going to choose a Red Ranger to lead unless if a mission requires someone else to lead. But of course!
And who will they choose? Jason.
Carter: And he's surprised because he just dropped from the sky. And he's new to the world, and the Sentai Warriors are tougher. But why was he chosen?
- Ryu: "You have shown your courage and will Jason in the face of battle plus you are a NASA pilot."
Rika: ...what. That...for one thing, even though, yes, he's a NASA pilot, it has nothing to fucking do with why he's fit to be leader! The position should fit the characteristic, or trait of some sort!
I mean...say what you will about Lightspeed Rescue. With their jobs, at the very fucking least, it fit their traits, if not what their skills are! And they're put to good use more than once!
And yes, I know I'm being a huge-ass hypocrite when I bashed Akizuki for using his favorite series, when I end up using my own favorite series for examples.
Matoi: In any event, following Jason will be Hant, Ryunosuke, Umeko, and Kouta. On one hand, I'm actually intrigued by how these guys will fare!
Rika: But on the other hand, what do you want to bet that everybody'll be so flat and one-note?
(Matoi stares at Rika in shock)
Oh, don't be so shocked.
Matoi: But...I was holding out hope.
Rika: I've learned not to have high expectations.
Anyway, after the selection, our heroes talk and try to make Jason feel right at home. And I feel that Ryunosuke's rather too serious...like...he's like...
...I dunno.
Carter: Pretty much almost everyone's rather one-note, maybe except for Hant, but...
Rika: Eventually, the team heads to the Search Guard Time Train, ready to head to 1975. We're told repeatedly that Jason's nervous, but he's also an excellent field leader. I'm sure the only thing I remember from him is screaming in his morphed form a hell of a lot.
...and being the Zeo Gold Ranger, but that doesn't relate to his leadership-ness, now does it?
So after talking about his being a spaceman for a bit, he parks the train. Yeah...
Matoi: ...they sure seem to speak a lot about the Seventies, don't they?
Carter: Yeah. Weren't we supposed to see the very first Sentai Warriors right about now?
(both men look very booooooored)
Rika: After talking about the Seventies, they finally decide to search for the Gorengers, deciding first to find a curry store. Well, it's about fucking time!
...
.............................
...........................................................
They're probably going to butcher the Gorengers, aren't they? Even for one brief cameo chapter?
Carter: I dunno.
Rika: Anyway, then Jason wishes to spar against someone named Hikoma Kusakabe one day. Upon doing some research, he's Takeru's retainer, and the guy Mentor is loosely-ish based on.
Matoi: ...who would call a mentor "Mentor"?
Rika: Everyone.
Carter: And is it just me, or are Bulk and Skull involved in everything?
Rika: Considering they're now Hikoma's students? Probably. I await for the day where they become Power Rangers as well.
...
Shut up. (bows her head)
Matoi: So we finally meet the first Sentai Warriors: Tsuyoshi, Akira, Daita, Peggy, and Kenji. As well as their commander, Gonpachi. They're searching for any activity caused by their foes, Black Cross.
Rika: ...and this happens.
- Tsuyoshi: "There's no sign of Black Cross anywhere but we can't be too sure about it."
...and later...
- "On the other hand, let's prepare for full surveillance of the entire area. We can't be to sure about it."
(Rika, Matoi, and Carter facepalm at the same time)
Redundancy much?!
I mean, I'm sorry, but fucking damn. Yes, we know they're scouting. But...come on. You could have had them say, "...no sign of Black Cross anywhere...not even a tiny hint. Come on, guys, where do you think they'll strike next?"
I admit, I haven't seen Gorenger, or any Sentai series. But, Akizuki, you could do so much better than this!
...oh, wait, I forgot, he can do so much worse.
Anyway, the group mentions how they need to be careful, blah blah blah, and how the Black Cross can learn their mistakes and shit. NEXT!
Carter: Then we go to the Black Cross themselves, and their leader, Black Cross Fuhrer, suddenly meets Gaja. The former, along with his right-hand man, Iron Man Mask General Temujin, does not take the sudden meeting well.
Rika: As in, after Pope Hat introduces himself, the Fuhrer isn't really impressed, and he starts to shoot the shit out of him, until he mentions that he has some proof of their "futuristic technology".
...well, this is going to be interesting, is it going to be a Pre—
- Fuhrer: "Well I can only propose right now is that we are to set bombs across Tokyo but I need a drill-based monster."Pope Hat: "Then these bombs will help. I will help you carry out the task."
...oh, fuck me. They didn't even describe the bombs immediately! Just what, exactly, are they going to do with the bombs and a drill-based monster?
Matoi: Rika...I'm sure they'll explain it eventually.
Rika: Yeah, you may be right, maybe I'm just nitpicky.
But hey, how about if we just bullshit with the Ranger-Sentai group? What happens is that they try to find the Gorengers' base, only to find Gonpachi. Then, not really sure what they were talking about, he shuts the door.
...yeah, that was rather pointless.
(meanwhile, at a secret base of sorts...)
???: ...the Hate Master failed his mission. But I...! I'll make sure it'll succeed! The girl will be ours, and we'll spread the despair throughout the world!
(the secret man smirks, stroking a crystal)
(Back at Rika's room...)
Rika: So! The group discovers an earthquake starting to form. Jason states that if Trini was there, she would know how to trace the source, stating that she's always been resourceful.
...uh...I know she always translates Billy's technobabble. Off the top of my head. But discovering earthquakes?
Carter: Back to the villains, they discuss their plans. What do they come up with for their first plan? "Shake down Tokyo into a rubble". And yes, it's told exactly like that.
Rika: What.
Matoi: Radiguet—
Rika: RINO.
Matoi: Right...RINO tells Temujin that the Monster of this Chapter, Drill Mask, will drill passageways so they can blow Tokyo up. Gaja—
Rika: Pope Hat.
Matoi: ...you're really insistent on those nicknames, aren't you?
Rika: The latter nickname's nothing new. The former one? Dear God, it has to be said.
Matoi: Pope Hat asks what his orders are, and RINO tells him to be on his guard for any Sentai Warriors or Power Rangers. And after that, we get this.
- Temujin: "I don't trust them but I'll play along. When the mission is done, Black Cross Fuehrer will have all the glory."
Rika: That's right~! We have yet a-fucking-nother "hey, let's backstab the Big Bad for lulz and profit!" bullshit storyline! At least, I hope it doesn't go anywhere.
(to the Sentai Warriors/Rangers) I think I can take it over from here, you guys run along for now.
(Matoi and Carter nod, and the two head off, doing stuff)
So back to the five selected heroes, they face off against the mooks and Drill Mask. When Jason and the others prepare to morph—excuse me, "henshin"...and yes, he really does say "It's henshin time!"...
(Rika facepalms)
We finally see the transformed Gorengers. After the role call, Jason becomes amazed, and he feels that their luck just changed.
Or, should I say, "they think they got their luck changed". I swear, what the hell is up with the dialogue?
Anyway. After the fight, where the Gorengers try to take out Drill Mask, Pope Hat shows up, and he...kinda curb-stomps them, I guess. Upon seeing it, Jason and the others transform.
And then after that, Pope Hat tells them that they can't intervene. After that, upon saying "mystical gibberish", Drill Mask disappears.
B-whu? I just...I don't get it. Just how in the hell—what?!
(as Rika starts to lose her mind, the screen "We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties" shows up. A few seconds later...)
(...she's sitting in a destroyed bedroom with a smile on her face) There, now I'm better.
So the group talk and introduce themselves to one another, and they head back to the curry house, chillaxing and talking about the plan. Kouta, since he wields the earth element, decides to trace the source of the earthquakes. And I'm sorry for skipping stuff, but really, do we ultimately care about this?
Then we get another scene where Trini, dressed like one of the kurokos—and yes, I actually did look the term up—witnesses the operations, the test explosions, everything. She gives the information to Ryu, and he tells her to return to the base...
...aaaaaaand then she disobeys him, trying to find the bomb switch.
(Rika does a double facepalm)
I don't think Trini was ever that headstrong and...gah. If this is an attempt to emulate Mika, it's honestly really, really sad.
But then, she doesn't really do it, instead notifying Ryu about where the bombs are. Also, more Department of Redundancy Department statements.
- "Trini entered into the caverns to find out bombs have been located everywhere via an electronic map. She found out that Iron Man Mask General Temujin and Gaja were now getting bombs located everywhere in Tokyo City."
Hey, Akizuki, buddy? We're, like, not goldfish. We know the bombs will be located everywhere in Tokyo.
Later, the heroes find the bombs, and once more, Umeko, like everybody else, states the obvious. Tsuyoshi tells them they will get to the bottom of this, and how do they do it?
They find a trail of gunpowder. And so, they traverse through different parts of the mountain.
(Rika headdesks)
I just wonder how stupid the villains are. I mean...to have a trail of gunpowder is like painting a target on yourself, waving like a monkey on crack, shouting obnoxiously that you're a blatant target, and have giant neon signs pointing down at you.
In the cavern, Pope Hat and Temujin fight over who gets to flip the switch, until Jason throws a rock at the bad guys. Then he, Tsuyoshi, and Daita play a game of "catch the fucking switch" until Jason throws it at Pope Hat. Which then explodes. And knocks him out.
...and he's able to say "curses" even when he's knocked out. And, for whatever reason, he's still able to fight when the heroes transform.
This story and reality do not meet at all.
But it's kinda pointless, anyway, as Hant and Ryunosuke put two-and-two together and strike at Pope Hat, with Kouta wounding the foe.
(Rika shrugs)
So we finally get to the fight between Drill Mask and our heroes. And what happens, you ask? When Drill Mask drills underground, which Tsuyoshi points out that piece of obviousness, Daita senses the ground. He throws Drill Mask into the air, he gets boomerang'd and shot at, and the heroes use the Gorenger Hurricane attack...by, eventually, having the ball turning into acid. Which then melts the foe graphically (ew), and, I shit you not, he explodes.
Okay, that is the weirdest death ever. If not the ickiest.
With the Monster of the Chapter defeated, the heroes chillax, talk about who they are, where they came from, the works. The Gorengers see the Time Train, realizing that Jason and his team are indeed in the future, helping to secure the past. Jason decides to head back...but not before saying this.
- Jason: "The bombs short circuited. Hee hee."
...why do I feel my inner "OOC Alert!" ringing in my head? This is just too much! At least we're getting closer to ending this chapter.
Back to the U.A.O.E, RINO punishes Pope Hat for his failure by attacking him with deadly bolts. And yes, he does flip his shit. (sighs) I just wonder why the hell Akizuki would take great strides to fuck with Radiguet's characterization...I don't remember him flipping his shit whenever he lost.
After Shizuka, Ryuuwon, and Yaiba laugh, and they're threatened to be punished for it, Flurious arrives. He tries offering to go with them, but what happens? Not only denied, but later on, he's told he has to clean the stains of the execution yard.
...also, spoiler alert, the next plan involves Abrella going to the world of J.A.K.Q and teaming up with Crime to take the heroes down. (leans to the viewers and whispers) Also, I don't think they're going to succeed.
(Rika winks a bit) Shh... (sits back down)
During the aforementioned punishment RINO gives Flurious, Shizuka volunteers to torture—ah, take the Overdrive villain to the execution yard. And she whips him. Goodie. RINO thinks that Shizuka's getting colder, and she may be a royal consort one day...buuuuut he deserves better consorts.
You know what? Facepalming can wait, we're almost done!
Back at the present, Ryu decides for the Rangers to stay, since they did well. Okay, technically, Jason did, but still. And we get this.
- Ryu: "I believe you were able to learn the language of this world by some strange phenomenon that we can't understand but we will seek to understand it though."
First of all, what do you want to guess that it's a Fisher Kingdom? Secondly, I'm pretty sure it won't explain how Kimberly was able to sing "Down the Road" in English. Thirdly, I'm very sure this will neeeeeeeeeever be mentioned again, even in passing.
So we end this chapter with Tommy, Jason, and Trini sparring like old times, and Jason himself seeing Tsuyoshi in his mind. And this finally ends our chapter.
(Rika sighs...and then a flash of darkness)
?
(more flashes...and then, in the darkness, Rika screams, and there's signs of struggle)
(the flashes become intense...and then she's gone)
(Matoi, Mako, and Carter rush when they see the flashes)
Mako: Where's Rika?
Carter: I don't know!
Matoi: She disappeared...damn it!
(Matoi slams his fist on the table)
Carter: ...
(he sighs)
I'm going to see if I can gather some help. (he leaves)
Mako: ...
Matoi: What do you want to bet they won't believe him?
(...then Mako and Matoi see something. The Gokaiger insignia, the same one Sean gave to Rika, and it's on her nightstand)
Mako: What's that?
Matoi: I don't know. We're lucky they didn't take it. If we can only just...!
(Matoi activates the insignia, sending out the call to Ryota, Jason, Sean, and Alex, all now back in their respective hometowns)
I hope the help arrives soon.
(in the lair, Rika is tied up into a chair, unconscious)
???: Excellent. When she falls into despair...she will be doomed.
Will the All-Stars be able to help Matoi and Mako? Will Rika be rescued in time? And what of the shitty fanfic?
Emergency Signal; Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers!!
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