(This page is best read in the voice of Chris Seavor, Transfatylvania Films
or Nikmo.)
Huh!? An intruder?! In my lair? Is it that accursed bird and bear? You're not the loser known as Banjo? Or his bird-brained friend? You should've said so! You wanted to know about little ol' me? Then I shall enlighten you, and my kindness you'll see!
I am Gruntilda, Gruntilda the witch! A name so wicked, you can't help but twitch! I am the Big Bad of the bear and bird's game! "Banjo-Kazooie".... an adventure so lame! An evil plan came to me one rotten day, it was about my good looks, what can I say? However, I was told I wasn't the best looking- Banjo's bratty sister was, so a plan I had cooking! I wanted to steal her looks for myself, and my plan didn't require a ton of stealth! I snatched up that little bear with much ease, to steal her beauty for whatever I please! My faithful assistant Klungo was by my side, who would pull on a lever to begin the ride! My plan was nearly successful, it was, until the bear and bird came just because! When they managed to clear my Furnace Fun, I had no choice but to run, run, run! At the top of my tower a battle we had, I ended up losing! How very sad! Down from my tower to the hard ground I fell, where a boulder crushed me! I screamed and I yelled! I laid there for years, what a hooey, until I returned in Banjo-Tooie!
Bah... for the sake of the second game, I won't be speaking in my rhymes. My sisters Mingella and Blobbelda were annoyed by how much I spoke through rhymes in the game but, frankly, I couldn't imagine why. Anywho, after being trapped under that rock for a long time, said sisters finally came to my rescue in what would be known as the Hag 1. I was finally free! At the cost of my body! Nothing but bones is what I was devolved into... I was so upset, especially after seeing that stupid shaman Mumbo Jumbo spying on us and I decided to take matters into my own hands! I chased that skeletal freak to Banjo's house where I was prepared to kill 4 birds (one of them was an actual bird) with one stone with my most powerful blast! Unfortunately, I missed Banjo, Kazooie, and the shaman, but I got that stupid mole Bottles instead! A good way to show I mean business this time! After that, I went back with my sisters on the Hag 1 (leaving Klungo behind so he can take care of the stupid bear and bird) so I came up with a much more devious plan to get back my youth! Well, I guess my sisters should be taking the credit but whatever! This device was known as the Big-O-Blaster (or B.O.B. for short) that had the power to drain the lifeforce from others and store it! I was so enthralled by the device that I decided to test it out on the person that gave that stupid bear his first Jiggly: King Jingling. His life was drained and it turn him into a zombie! Serves him right! B.O.B. was successful and I wanted to blast the entire island by my sis said it would've took a long time but I have patience so I could wait!
Like with my first appearance, my role once those "story-scripted events" ends is shortened as I'm on the sidelines until Banjo gets enough Jiggies to access my lair. My random rhymes are taken away, but I am still the focus of the game, I assure you. After Banjo and Kazooie finally make it to my lair, they must pass by my glorious Tower of Tragedy quiz! They had to play alongside my two sisters with 100 ton weights over top of them! If you have less points, you'll get crushed! Of course my intention was to get the bear and bird thinking they're too stupid to pass my quiz, but, alas, I lost my two sisters instead. Oh well. Sacrifices must be made in order to further my own goals! Anywho, like with the first game, I escaped to the top of my lair where I eventually fought the duo in my tank, the Hag 1! And I certainly gave them a run for their money this time! Unfortunately, I was defeated yet again and I reduced to a head being kicked around... I mentioned that I'll get them back in Banjo-Threeie but that never came to be...
But enough of the Banjo-Tooie times! With those sisters gone, I could get back to my rhymes! My series found a new home, I suppose that's nifty, on a system known as the "Xbox 360"! Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts was the name, it's certainly different from any other game! A game about cars, no platforming at all, the bear and bird's series sure took a fall! A new character named L.O.G., a rather dumb name, had changed their series because he felt it was lame! He gave me robot body that weighed a ton, But promised me greatness if I had won! That traitor Klungo got replaced by a cat named Piddles, who certainly proved trickier than all of my riddles! Alas, despite everything, I lost in the end. Forced to work in L.O.G.'s factory, I hate this trend!
But 11 years later (a long time, I knows), my series returned home in Super Smash Bros.! But I couldn't join in that game's big brawl- THE BEAR AND BIRD got in over ME! It'd make anyone bawl! Bad enough I never got a number, and yet they have the nerve to pick that so-called "witch" from Umbra! I guess I'm still technically around; in Spiral Mountain, you can see me in the background! Next time though, I won't be so quiet, they MUST make me playable or else we riot! Then I can steal that princess' beauty. Come to think of it, she's prettier than Tooty!
Read my tropes right here, if you dare! I promise that you'll be in for a scare!
- Ambiguously Human: Am I a human? You'd be somewhat torn, especially with my skeleton and robot forms!
- And I Must Scream: Being trapped under that boulder for two years wasn't fun, it wouldn't have happened if I had won!
- Ax-Crazy: I lost my sanity after being trapped underground. I'm playing for serious this time around!
- Bad Boss: How dare you Klungo, lose to the bear and bird? Many beatings I've given him that he couldn't utter a word! Oh my precious sisters, they failed me as well. After losing my quiz, I crushed them- oh, well!
- Badass Boast: My rhymes make all of my boasts sound tough! I say them right before I get rough!
- Big Bad: I am the stupid game's biggest foe, I'll taunt and belittle you throughout the show!
- Big Eater: I planned on becoming this if I could win, the prize to myself for being thin!
Me: When I'm nice and slim once more, burgers, fries, and chips galore!
- Big, Thin, Short Trio: When with Mingy and Blobby, I'm of the Big sort, while Mingy's the Thin and Blobby's the Short!
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Brenty, Mingy, Blobby and I, we fit this trope without the need for dye! Our hair colors you wouldn't forget, in that order, we go blonde, redhead (twice), brunette!
- Bond Villain Stupidity: I was this close to draining Tooty's fair, but then I let that bear loose in my lair! If only I had let that beauty machine run, then without a doubt I would've most certainly won!
- Brain in a Jar: By Nuts & Bolts I'd been reduced to a skull, which would have made my boss battle dreadfully dull. At the same time the bear got his stupid car, I got a new body, controlled by my skull in a jar!
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: I own a number of businesses that pollute, when it comes to the environment, I don't give a hoot! In the first game was Clanker's Cavern, full of grime, where Clanker acted as my trash compactor for a time! And the H.M.S. Rusty Bucket, a large cargo ship, that made the water oily when it took a dip! In the second game, I owned Witchyworld amusement park, with rides so unsafe, they're sure to leave a mark! I also owned a factory named Grunty Industries. It spewed toxic ooze and thick black smoke in the breeze! They all operate under No OSHA Compliance, but why should I waste all that money on a safe appliance? Lastly, in any of these Grunty-owned sites, my workers attack anyone in their sight!
- Dark Action Girl: My magic skills are a sight to behold, I got to kill that mole in a moment so bold!
- Deflector Shields: I had the fight won with my impenetrable shield. So the Jinjos that the bear and bird were forced to wield.
- Determinator: I WILL destroy that bear and bird! Even as a skeleton or head, you've heard!
- Dem Bones: My glorious flesh rotted away for a few years, nothing but bones is how I appeared!
- Disney Villain Death: At the end of the first game, the Jinjonator attacked, and I fell into the ground with a massive smack! A boulder fell too, leaving me stuck. Good thing my sisters came, what luck!
- Ecocidal Antagonist: No form of nature should be bright green as I! My industries ensure that all flora shall die!
- Embarrassing Last Name: Mine is "Winkybunion", people think it's a hoot, until their butts get politely introduced to my boot!
- Even Evil Has Standards:
- That bear's love for being dirty makes me so mean! I'll make sure he gets nice and clean!
Me: I can't believe you went in there, now wash your hands, filthy bear!- Cheat all you want, cheat If you dare! I'll erase your game pak, and you'll start back in my lair!
- Evil Laugh: My wonderful cackle you haven't forgot, lose all your lives and you'll hear it a lot!
- Fairest of Them All: Indeed I am, or so I thought, stealing Tooty's beauty was the first game's plot!
- Fat Bastard: Don't call me fat! How rude are you?! But mean I am, that part is true!
- Final Boss: I'm always the final ultimate threat! Come to my lair and face me, you'll regret!
- Final-Exam Boss: Spells, eggs, and Jinjos will fly! Use all you've learned or you'll surely die!
- Fireballs: When my magic failed, I was forced to use fire! It was then I knew my situation was dire!
- Game Over Girl: Did you lose all your lives, you bumbling clod? Then you get to look at my hot new bod!
- Ghastly Ghost: In Grunty's Revenge, I became a ghost, which controlled the Mecha Grunty suit I needed the most! When Banjo destroyed it up high on my tower, I tried to crush him with my ghostly power! I summoned two clones, but he was too smart, and my plan, like the Mecha Grunty, all fell apart!
- Go-Karting with Bowser: Although you may find it quite absurd, I once raced in a plane against that bear and bird! The best part of that game was playing as me, I even had my very own Grand Prix!
- Good Witch Versus Bad Witch: I'm the bad witch, and I love it a lot! Brentilda's the good witch, who's as green as snot!
- Green and Mean: I like this trope and its rhyme is on spot, Green I am, yes, but nice I'm sure not!
- Green Is Gross: My skin is green and my hobbies are gross, when it comes to bad habits I'm the witch with the most! I decorate my room with smelly socks, and wear streaky brown undies (or did they have purple spots?). Then there's my trademark party trick: Inflating balloons with my butt, doesn't it make you sick?
- Homing Projectile: One of my strongest spells follows you around! Followed by screaming, oh what a sound! What!? Kazooie blocked it with her Wonderwing? She was taught to use Golden Feathers, I hate those things! Or if you're an expert in the way you play, you'll use the Beak Buster's rebound to ruin my day.
- Honor Before Reason: Fine. I'll admit, if you get my quiz questions right, I'll slow down my spell and hold back my might.
- Hot Witch: If you Game Over, you're in for a sight! A sexy Grunty sure isn't a fright!
- I Am Big Boned: I am big boned, so don't call me fat! Just play Tooie if you want proof of that! I was reduced to nothing but a skeletal frame, yet I'm still the same size as in the previous game!
- Jerkass: I take much pleasure in being a jerk, it's always been my favorite form of work!
- Laughably Evil: How dare you think that I am funny!? It's not my fault my rhymes are punny!
- Made of Iron: I fell from my tower and a rock fell on my head, if that happened to Banjo, he'd surely be dead! But tough old Grunty didn't die that day, I was merely trapped, though slowly rotted away!
- Motive Decay: I wanted Tooty's beauty, but not anymore, now I just want to settle the score! That putrid bear and featherhead, now I only want them dead!
- Multiple-Choice Past: Brentilda will tell you facts about me, they'll help you pass my quiz show, you see. But think again about using the same answers twice, the fools down at Rare weren't nearly that nice! Every time you try and start a new game, none of those answers will stay the same! Just like that clown with Mark Hamill's voice, if I must have a past, make it multiple choice!
- Mighty Glacier: Like that King Koopa jerk in his silly kart racing, I have the same stat spread with top speed that I'm acing!
- Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: In Grunty's Revenge, I was a robot witch ghost, but by the end of the game my robotic body was toast! Then I was a zombie witch in Banjo-Tooie, but that bear and bird reduced me to a skull. Oh, phooey! Eight years later in Nuts & Bolts, I returned to get my revenge on those two dolts! L.O.G. gave me a new robot suit, but it proved unsuccessful in giving Banjo the boot! That bear and his bird made me real irate, so I built myself a ship designed for a pirate! A pirate zombie robot witch is what I became, my resume grows stranger with every game!
- Nose Nuggets: I enjoy flicking loogies, I'll gladly report. I even compete against others for sport!
- Our Liches Are Different: A lich you say? Interesting indeed. But I posses no undead powers, can't you read?
- A Pupil of Mine Until He Turned to Evil: That whatever-he-is Mumbo Jumbo is who taught me magic, then I turned evil, isn't that tragic? Then I turned his head into a skull, I just wanted it to match his house, that's all!
- Rhymes on a Dime: Rhyming is my character-defining trait, too bad in the second game it had to wait! My sisters were annoyed by my constant rhymes, so I had to stop using them, such cruel times! After crushing those two stupid dolts, I went back to rhyming in Nuts & Bolts!
- Rhyming Wizardry: See Rhymes on a Dime. Redundant, I'm sure. But I'm still a witch, and this is part of my allure!
- Robot Me:
- In Grunty's Revenge, Klungo made a Mecha Grunty suit, which I needed to give that bear and that bird the boot! My regular body was trapped under a rock, so my ghost controlled the suit to give Banjo a shock! Alas, it was destroyed by the game's end, so on my dumb sisters I had to depend!
- In Nuts & Bolts, L.O.G. gave me another body that I could use to stop that duo, isn't that snotty? This one here was a little less dull, it looked just like my old body and had a jar for my skull! The good news is this one wasn't destroyed! The bad news is, in L.O.G.'s factory, I'm unhappily employed.
- Spanner in the Works: Foolish L.O.G., you think this job is so bad? Now I can make my own game, and I'm so glad!
- The Sociopath: I care for myself, others get no sympathy, the perfect trope to describe this is Lack of Empathy!
- This Cannot Be!: I set up some quiz shows for that hick of a bear! But what's this? He passed both of them!? That's unfair!
- Terrible Trio: I formed one with Mingy and Blobby, but they made me quit my rhyming hobby!
- Vain Sorceress: My beauty knows no bounds! It's not as crazy as it sounds!
- We Will Meet Again: You think I'm done? How wrong you are, I'll be back next game, it can't be far!
- World's Most Beautiful Woman: That I am, it's plain to see, particularly in the bad ending! You'll gaze with glee!
