"And the Real Lesson? Don't leave things in the Fridge."
— Spike Spiegel, Cowboy Bebop
"The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'."
— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events
"It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside."
— Action Hank, Dexter's Laboratory
"Givin' kids charity just makes 'em weak, man. Teach a kid to fish, he can eat fish his whole life. Teach a kid NOT to fish, he starves to death. Where I come from that's murder, Homes."
— Dusty, Left 4 Dead 2
"This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols."
Jake: Let's never be stupid again.
Finn: No! Let's ALWAYS be stupid! FOREVER!
— Adventure Time, "My Two Favorite People"
"Never forget the teachings of those you shoot in the head after they become zombies."
Vicken: Well I think we learned an important lesson today about online safety.
Stef: Yeah, if you want to meet up with a random stranger, make sure your friends're there with loads of weapons to beat him up.
Vicken: Ahhh ... right.
— Mighty Moshin' Emo Rangers, Episode 6: "Uncle Cuddles and Fiddles The Kid"
Chan: You suppose there's a moral in all of this?
Hsu: Oh... probably.
— Hsu and Chan, "Evening of Destruction"
"Dear Princess Celestia, I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!" *happily trots across the screen*
— Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
"Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with diarrhea.' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses."
"I guess we've learned it doesn't really matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion"
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy
Spider-Man: The moral of the story is: trust noone.
"It just goes to show you: Always be wary of people who are way into putting jewels on their sweaters. They may transform into hideous freaks and rampage at summer camps."
— MC Bat Commander, The Aquabats! Super Show!
"You smoke, Shepard? Don't. That stuff'll kill you. Knew a kid once, half your age. Smoked too close to a cache of explosives. Tossed a butt, blew himself sky high."
— Zaeed Massani, Mass Effect 2
Tom Servo: What do you think the lesson of the movie was?
Crow: Don't watch it.
"Boy, never put your dick in anything that lights up!"
—SFDebris quotes his grandfather's sage advice
"It just goes to show: never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be good pudding, and you can spend all afternoon explaining that, but no one's gonna eat it because you stuck your dick in it!"
"Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!"
— Sailor Moon Abridged, Episode 1
"When I look good, I feel good, too! And the only way I feel good is by vomiting. The only drawback is the stomach acid making my breath smell rank as hell. So I always brush my teeth after every throw up session. Take it from me, kids! A skinny bod means nothing if your breath smells like a dead horse and hot garbage! Sailor Moon says!" (giggle)
— Sailor Moon Abridged, Episode 32
Yugi: Don't you get it, Tristan? This is Joey's coming-of-age episode, where he proves he's a real man by winning a children's card game all by himself.
Tristan: Well, he's got a hot sister, so I guess I can forgive him for assaulting me.
Yugi: And that's what friendship is all about!
Yugi: We've learned that card games are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that there's a strange man living inside my head who tells me to do things.