->''"Hey, that last skit was written for a reason. If any of your buddies had fooled around with a sixty year old man, don't throw them out of your car, or you will die. Now, enjoy the rest of the album!"''
-->-- '''Creator/AdamSandler''', ''Memory Lane''

->''"And the Real Lesson? Don't leave things in the Fridge."''
-->-- '''Spike Spiegel''', ''Anime/CowboyBebop''

->''"You shouldn't drink and bake."''
-->--'''Mark''', ''Film/RawDeal''

->''“This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to [[GunsAkimbo dual-wield flintlock pistols]].”''
-->--'''Creator/AndrewHussie''', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''

->''"The moral of UsefulNotes/WorldWarI is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'."''
-->-- '''Lemony Snicket''', ''Literature/ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents''

->''"It's not the beard on the outside that counts, it's the beard on the inside."''
-->-- '''Action Hank''', ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory''

->''"Givin' kids charity just makes 'em weak, man. Teach a kid to fish, he can eat fish his whole life. Teach a kid NOT to fish, he starves to death. Where I come from that's murder, Homes."''
-->-- '''Dusty''', ''in a custom campaign for VideoGame/Left4Dead2''

->'''Jake:''' Let's never be stupid again.\\
'''Finn:''' No! Let's ALWAYS be stupid! FOREVER!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'', "My Two Favorite People"

->''"Never forget the teachings of those you shoot in the head after they become zombies."''
-->-- AltText of ''Webcomic/TheAdventuresOfDrMcNinja''

->'''Vicken:''' Well I think we learned an important lesson today about online safety.\\
'''Stef:''' Yeah, if you want to meet up with a random stranger, make sure your friends're there with loads of weapons to beat him up.\\
'''Vicken:''' Ahhh ... right.
-->-- ''Mighty Moshin' Emo Rangers, Episode 6:'' "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8EBvJWKHtM Uncle Cuddles and Fiddles The Kid]]"

->'''Chan:''' You suppose there's a moral in all of this?\\
'''Hsu:''' Oh... probably.
-->-- ''ComicStrip/HsuAndChan'', "Evening of Destruction"

->''"[[OnceAnEpisode Dear Princess Celestia]], [[AndKnowingIsHalfTheBattle I wanted to share my thoughts with you]]. Ahem.... I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!"'' *happily trots across the screen*
-->-- '''Applejack''', ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''

->''"Stay away from good-looking women when you're fighting. Otherwise you'll get hit with [[ToiletHumor diarrhea]].' One of the few things I learned from Shadow Moses."''
-->-- '''[[ButtMonkey Johnny Sasaki]]''' on what he learned from [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid the prequel]], ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolid2SonsOfLiberty''

->''"I guess we've learned it doesn't really matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion"''
-->-- '''Peter Griffin''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''

->'''SpiderMan''': The moral of the story is: trust no one.\\
'''ComicBook/{{Storm}}''': That is NOT what we learned from all this!
-->-- ''ComicBook/MarvelAdventures: The Avengers''

->''"It just goes to show you: Always be wary of people who are way into putting jewels on their sweaters. They may transform into hideous freaks and rampage at summer camps."''
-->-- '''MC Bat Commander''', ''Series/TheAquabatsSuperShow''

->'''Calvin:''' Well, Hobbes, I guess we learned a valuable lesson from this duplicating mess.\\
'''Hobbes:''' And that is?\\
'''Calvin:''' And that is, um... it's that, well... Ok, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.\\
'''Hobbes:''' Live and don't learn, that's us.
-->-- ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes''

-> ''"You smoke, [[PlayerCharacter Shepard]]? Don't. That stuff'll kill you. Knew a kid once, half your age. Smoked too close to a cache of explosives. Tossed a butt, blew himself sky high."''
--> -- '''Zaeed Massani''', ''VideoGame/MassEffect2''

->'''Tom Servo:''' What do you think the lesson of the movie was?\\
'''Crow:''' Don't watch it.
-->-- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000''

->''"Boy, never put your dick in anything that lights up!"''
-->--'''{{Website/SFDebris}}''' quotes his grandfather's sage advice

->''"It just goes to show: never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be ''good'' pudding, and you can spend all afternoon explaining that, but no one's gonna eat it because '''you stuck your dick in it'''!"''
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''', ''Franchise/PrinceOfPersia Retrospective''

->''"Remember, kids, exercise is hard, but shoving a spoon down your throat is easy! And don't forget to do it after every meal, just like me!"''
-->-- ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged, Episode 1''

->''"When I look good, I feel good, too! And the only way I feel good is by vomiting. The only drawback is the stomach acid making my breath smell rank as hell. So I always brush my teeth after every throw up session. Take it from me, kids! A skinny bod means nothing if your breath smells like a dead horse and hot garbage! Sailor Moon says!"'' (giggle)
-->-- ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged, Episode 32''

->'''Yugi:''' Don't you get it, Tristan? This is Joey's coming-of-age episode, where he proves he's a real man by winning a children's card game all by himself.\\
'''Tristan:''' Well, he's got a hot sister, so I guess I can forgive him for assaulting me.\\
'''Yugi:''' And that's what friendship is all about!
-->-- ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''

->'''Yugi:''' We've learned that [[SeriousBusiness card games]] are the answer to all life's problems. And the only thing I know for certain in this world is that [[SplitPersonality there's a strange man living inside my head]] who tells me to do things.\\
'''[[SuperpoweredEvilSide Yami]]''': You said it Yugi! Now burn everything, burn it to the ground!
-->-- ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''

->'''Ghanny:''' Of course! If he has no knowledge of existence outside of 1/0, Marcus can have no concept of femininity!\\
'''Zadok:''' Wow. Atheism leads naturally into homosexuality.
-->-- ''Webcomic/OneOverZero'' in [[http://www.undefined.net/1/0/?strip=210 this]] strip

->''"If a character [[TheLoad only causes a problem,]] [[JerkAss feels no remorse about it,]] [[UnwantedAssistance and contributes nothing to the solution]], he should invariably [[LaserGuidedKarma get eaten by a dinosaur.]]"''
-->-- ''WebVideo/TheMysteriousMrEnter'' review of [[Recap/GravityFallsS1E18TheLandBeforeSwine "The Land Before Swine"]]

->''"[[ItMakesSenseInContext If you want a man to work with you, don't show him a video of a bull fucking his wife]]."''
-->-- '''The Owl''', ''ComicBook/TheSuperiorFoesOfSpiderMan''

->''"Moral: [[BeeAfraid BEES]] DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MANNERS! [[VideoGame/MetalGearRisingRevengeance RULES OF NATUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!]]"''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheAnnotatedSeries The Annotators]]''', on ''WesternAnimation/YoYogi''

->''"You know, kids? I've been thinkin'. At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes. Or even scaring people. It's a day when the whole family can get together and celebrate what really matters: '''PURE EVIL'''!"'' *EvilLaugh ensues*
-->-- '''Grunkle Stan''', ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls''

->''"I guess crying does solve your problems after all!"''
-->-- '''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants''', [[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS7E2GrowthSpoutStuckInTheWringer ''Stuck in the Wringer'']]

->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' You see, people need to learn the power of their choices Critic. So by turning them into whiny little babies, maybe they'll learn.
->'''Critic:''' [{{Beat}}] No they won't!
->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' Well, every once and a while, a symbol comes along to remind everyone of how awful they can be. [[Film/Ghostbusters2016 Ghostbusters]] is that symbol.
->'''Critic:''' No it isn't.
->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' Sometimes the universe just needs to hate itself.
->'''Critic:''' You have no reason for doing any of this do you?
->'''Black Willy Wonka:''' Nope! Sometimes it's fun to be an asshole for no reason.
-->-- Black Willy Wonka and The Nostalgia Critic on the former's motivations for causing the Film/Ghostbusters2016 controversy, WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic

->'''Formula 1 Racer:''' ''(sees Sonic standing on top of his car)'' Huh? Hey, you! This is dangerous! It's ''irresponsible!'' [[ThinkOfTheChildren What happens if kids start trying this]]?!\\
'''Sonic:''' ''([[BreakingTheFourthWall looks at the camera]])'' Kids, don't use Formula 1 racecars to chase hedgehogs![[note]]The original line in Japanese is "Good kids don't stand on moving cars!"[[/note]]
-->-- ''Anime/SonicX'' ([[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67dMHa4PyBA English dub]])

->''"Nobody wants their pants to fall down-You could wear a dress and then... you'd have no need (The alligators had it right) (Wearing pants it sure does bite)"''
-->--Music/SteamPoweredGiraffe, '''The Suspender Man.'''

->''Growing up, my dad never let me beat him at chess. Taught me some important lessons, like "hate chess" and "quit chess forever."''
-->--Twitter user @[=TheThomason=]

->'''Sonic:''' I think we all learned a valuable lesson today.
->'''Amy:''' And what lesson was that?
->'''Sonic:''' I dunno, "Don't turn into a bee," or something? ''[Team Sonic begins muttering among themselves, either in confusion or agreement]''
->'''Knuckles:''' They say that all the time.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SonicBoom'', "You And I Bee-come One"