Quotes / Schmuck Bait

That was the first I ever heard of shadowed Innsmouth. Any reference to a town not shewn on common maps or listed in recent guide-books would have interested me, and the agentís odd manner of allusion roused something like real curiosity. A town able to inspire such dislike in its neighbours, I thought, must be at least rather unusual, and worthy of a touristís attention.

Speakers would not be exact; and because they all told me not to pay attention to old Ammi Pierce's crazy tales, I sought him out the next morning...

Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger
Or wonder till it drives you mad
What would have happened if you had.
— An inscription on a pedestal with a small bell and hammer on it, from The Magician's Nephew. You don't want to know what happens if you fall for it.

Budnick: You can trash whatever you want to trash, destroy whatever you want to destroy, and nobody will punish you or bother you. You'll have complete freedom.
Ellen: Great.
Budnick: The only way you will be punished is if you push that little red button over there, but you will only be bringing the punishment on yourself.
Ellen: Oh yeah, what kind of punishment?
Budnick: You'll find out - but don't say I didn't warn you.

"If you know what's good for you, you will not do a Google search for 'scrotum' and 'elephantitis'."
— Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH", the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
Thief of Time, 26th Discworld novel

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

Capt. Amazing: Oh looky here, a multi-frequency radio detonator. You should be more careful when discarding incriminating evidence.
Casanova Frankenstein: Oh, no, no, no this is quite an amusing little gizmo. It's really quite cool.
Capt. Amazing: Yeah? W-What is it?
(puff of smoke goes off in Captain Amazing's face)
Capt. Amazing: (sniffs) Yuck.
Casanova Frankenstein: It's a chloroform-deploying portable enticement snare.
(Captain Amazing nods, nonplussed. Both foes stare at each other)
Capt. Amazing: (sniffs) ...Ah, dang!

<heros> LOL, dude, I set up this little box on the side of my car
<heros> and theres a button on it with a sign, "Do not press"
<heros> and when you press it the car alarm goes off
<jeff> lol nice
<heros> so I'm gonna count how many people do it in a week
<heros> brb
<jeff> where u going?
<heros> car alarm went off
— qdb.us #230078

Kids! Color this comic and win! Send your completed entry to your local newspaper c/o "This Letter Is Really A Mailbomb" and win! Be sure to include your return address.

Himeko: ...but why would Dunbadoru-sensei have brought attention to it if he didn't want us going in?
Hermione: So that we knew that we weren't to go in it!
Himeko: But that just guarantees someone will go in it and find out why it's forbidden the hard way!
Hermione: And why do you say that?
Himeko: My mom's a book writer, and my dad directs movies. I know the... what's that word again, the stuff that every writer seems to use? Anyway, dad and Aiko'neechan would sit and watch some really bad American horror films and make fun of them at the same time. If you want someone to investigate something, you hide it then call attention to the fact that you're hiding something.
Hermione: This isn't a movie or a book, Himeko.

"'Do Not Lean Out Of The Window.' Wonder why..."
Vivian, The Young Ones

There's always free cheddar in a mousetrap...
Tom Waits, God's Away On Business - Blood Money.

"Thou are forbidden from again laying eyes on this marker. Those who heed not this warning will suffer the pain of death."
(if you do read the tablet again...) "Mongrel who disobeyed the warning. Taste bitter death."
A tablet in La-Mulana

If you don't get why the Capsaicin Lounge would need someone on eyeball duty, go chop up a few dozen habaneros and then scratch your eye.

Night Master: Meet me here after your master is asleep.
Yin: Um... I don't know...
Yang: Yin! Spooky voice in a dark hallway promising us shortcuts in our training? What's not to trust?!

Forbidden Door: Hey! Hey buddy-forbidden door here! I'm not saying you don't want what's inside-just that-hoooo! You don't wanna get caught sneaking a peek!
Ivan: This is what? A moron trap? Fuck off.

GLaDOS: I honestly truly didn't think you'd fall for that. In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one. If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Portal2, When Chell tries to open a blatantly fake "cake" door.

Wheatley:Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me? Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
After an entire monologue of the things that can be "found" in the pit including boy bands and pony farms.
And... Just jump down, would ya?
GLaDOS: You really do have brain damage don't you? I can't believe you came back.
Portal2, Wheatley convincing you to jump down the pit. Doing so will earn you an achievement.

Ruby held out a small book. "What is this?" Jaune asked.
"It's her dream journal. If you want to embarrass her, read it and bring it up when she tries to tease you. Oh, and for your own peace of mind, don't read pages 56, 75 or 93. See ya."
The younger girl skipped away. Jaune looked at the book. Out of curiosity, he opened it to page 56. Upon reading the first sentence, which included his name, he slammed it shut with his face red. "Well, I'm having nightmares tonight."

"When someone hands you a box and says there's something super crazy inside but you're not allowed to look in it of course you're gonna look in it!"
Jen, Life in Pieces

"Ah, ah...that's bait."
Max Rockatansky, Mad Max: Fury Road

"When an MP3 file is 'Hulk Hogan.mp3.EXE', you know it's good."

"videoxxx avi DOT EXE. You think this is a good idea? SO DO I."
Joel, later in the same video

Warning: Choosing this story will wound you in unexpected ways and commit you to a path of damnation. This may be your last chance. Turn back now.
Fallen London, right before that particular questline gets a hundred times more horrifying

Fallen London, much later in that same storyline.

Shrek (to Donkey): There's a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest! Don't you find that a wee bit suspicious?

You could obsess over this building, grow frantic to unveil its mysteries and plumb its inviting depths. If you were that sort of person, you could start to feel that this building wants it bad, that it deserves to be the subject of military action, an espionage-driven commando raid, just to teach it to behave.
A few months ago, three highly motivated gentlemen assailed Project Albumen in fine special operations style. They wanted the secrets this building so plainly keeps beneath its lush deco exterior. After weeks of planning, they got into their sexy black outfits and made their move. They blew open the back door and, no doubt with a grand sense of empowerment and dominance, thrust mightily inside.
Unfortunately, the entire main building of Project Albumen is a honey trap. The interior is very large and has intricate folded metal all around the walls; this falsely gives the impression of a large number of secret doors and passages, so it took them twenty-nine or so minutes to establish that there are, in fact, no exits. Shortly thereafter they discovered that the sanctum sanctorum, the warm, secret heart of Project Albumen, is in fact rather cold and unwelcoming, because it floods on a half-hour cycle with liquid nitrogen. The motivated gentlemen were removed somewhat later in the day, when they had thawed enough to be prized loose from the floor.


"On the Pantheon Isles ... never move without asking yourself, is this too easy?"
Sixth of the Dusk, Sixth of the Dusk

"The test is not whether you are suspicious, but whether you are caught."
Avon, Blake's 7, "Bounty"

What the hell could be in it that could be so bad? Come on kids, let's find out!
The Nostalgia Criticnote 

Maybe don't eat this. Seriously.
Streets of Rogue, description for the Cyanide Pill