Quotes: Schmuck Bait

That was the first I ever heard of shadowed Innsmouth. Any reference to a town not shewn on common maps or listed in recent guide-books would have interested me, and the agentís odd manner of allusion roused something like real curiosity. A town able to inspire such dislike in its neighbours, I thought, must be at least rather unusual, and worthy of a touristís attention.

Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger
Or wonder till it drives you mad
What would have happened if you had.
— An inscription on a pedestal with a small bell and hammer on it, from The Magician's Nephew. You don't want to know what happens if you fall for it.

Budnick: You can trash whatever you want to trash, destroy whatever you want to destroy, and nobody will punish you or bother you. You'll have complete freedom.
Ellen: Great.
Budnick: The only way you will be punished is if you push that little red button over there, but you will only be bringing the punishment on yourself.
Ellen: Oh yeah, what kind of punishment?
Budnick: You'll find out - but don't say I didn't warn you.

"If you know what's good for you, you will not do a Google search for 'scrotum' and 'elephantitis'."
— Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH", the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
Thief of Time, 26th Discworld novel

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
The Evil Overlord List, #9

Capt. Amazing: Oh looky here, a multi-frequency radio detonator. You should be more careful when discarding incriminating evidence.
Casanova Frankenstein: Oh, no, no, no this is quite an amusing little gizmo. It's really quite cool.
Capt. Amazing: Yeah? W-What is it?
(puff of smoke goes off in Captain Amazing's face)
Capt. Amazing: (sniffs) Yuck.
Casanova Frankenstein: It's a chloroform-deploying portable enticement snare.
(Captain Amazing nods, nonplussed. Both foes stare at each other)
Capt. Amazing: (sniffs) ...Ah, dang!

<heros> LOL, dude, I set up this little box on the side of my car
<heros> and theres a button on it with a sign, "Do not press"
<heros> and when you press it the car alarm goes off
<jeff> lol nice
<heros> so I'm gonna count how many people do it in a week
<heros> brb
<jeff> where u going?
<heros> car alarm went off
— qdb.us #230078

Kids! Color this comic and win! Send your completed entry to your local newspaper c/o "This Letter Is Really A Mailbomb" and win! Be sure to include your return address.

Himeko: ...but why would Dunbadoru-sensei have brought attention to it if he didn't want us going in?
Hermione: So that we knew that we weren't to go in it!
Himeko: But that just guarantees someone will go in it and find out why it's forbidden the hard way!
Hermione: And why do you say that?
Himeko: My mom's a book writer, and my dad directs movies. I know the... what's that word again, the stuff that every writer seems to use? Anyway, dad and Aiko'neechan would sit and watch some really bad American horror films and make fun of them at the same time. If you want someone to investigate something, you hide it then call attention to the fact that you're hiding something.
Hermione: This isn't a movie or a book, Himeko.

"'Do Not Lean Out Of The Window.' Wonder why..."
Vivian, The Young Ones

There's always free cheddar in a mousetrap...
Tom Waits, God's Away On Business - Blood Money.

"Thou are forbidden from again laying eyes on this marker. Those who heed not this warning will suffer the pain of death."
A tablet in La-Mulana
"Mongrel who disobeyed the warning. Taste bitter death."
The same tablet, when read a second time

If you don't get why the Capsaicin Lounge would need someone on eyeball duty, go chop up a few dozen habaneros and then scratch your eye.

Night Master: Meet me here after your master is asleep.
Yin: Um... I don't know...
Yang: Yin! Spooky voice in a dark hallway promising us shortcuts in our training? What's not to trust?!

Forbidden Door: Hey! Hey buddy-forbidden door here! I'm not saying you don't want what's inside-just that-hoooo! You don't wanna get caught sneaking a peek!
Wheatley:"Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me? Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit. You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy. Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator! Down there, funny I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator. And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there! Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?"
Gla DOS: You really do have brain damage don't you? I can't believe you came back.
Portal Two, Wheatley convincing you to jump down the pit.

Ruby held out a small book. "What is this?" Jaune asked.
"It's her dream journal. If you want to embarrass her, read it and bring it up when she tries to tease you. Oh, and for your own peace of mind, don't read pages 56, 75 or 93. See ya."
The younger girl skipped away. Jaune looked at the book. Out of curiosity, he opened it to page 56. Upon reading the first sentence, which included his name, he slammed it shut with his face red. "Well, I'm having nightmares tonight."