Quotes: Miles Gloriosus

"I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby."
Barenaked Ladies, "Falling for the First Time"

"Brave Sir Robin ran away
Bravely ran away, away
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out"

There once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead!
And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made!
But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said...
"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead! Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed!"
And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal!
And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no moooooree... when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!
"Ragnar the Red", The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Now Callias the naval man is at his best ashore
Where he can show his seamanship in actions by the score
And when they see his lion-skin the girls cry out for more
It's the way they do things now.
–-The Frogs, Robert Fagles translation

Rainbow Dash: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth.
Rarity: Most unpleasant.
Applejack: All hat and no cattle.

Captain's log, stardate, the year of the tiger. The battle has been bravely fought, and the suffering of our troops beyond measure. But the alien is invulnerable, and our defeat inevitable. That much is obvious, even from my remote command post here at the Times Square Applebee's.
Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

And so, the Coon had returned with the dark lord Cthulhu! Upon seeing Cthulhu in person, Mintberry Crunch heroically dashed off, to, to save the day! With Minty coolness he hurried back home!... and heroically watched Judge Judy, knowing that his superhero friends were probably just fine without him!
Mintberry Crunch, South Park

Real Life

I enlisted in the army of the United States at seventeen; went to the Pacific; did nothing useful—I was just there, as Nixon used to say, WHEN THE BOMBS WERE FALLING. But, actually, the bombs were not falling on either of us: he was a naval officer making a fortune playing poker...
Gore Vidal, Vanity Fair, 1999

Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna, it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini.

A divine vessel of peace, Steven Seagal carries a concealed weapon at all times, and supposedly had a custom tuxedo made for the Academy Awards, capable of concealing two guns, in case one of the enemies he'd made as an international man of mystery decided to take him out onstage, mowing down Angela Lansbury as collateral damage...There are no shortage of stories about Seagal taking a pasting, but most read like wishful thinking towards a guy who constantly acts like a giant tool, and swans about claiming to be the only 'real' martial artist, unlike those other phonies who'd hide in a closet if they saw him coming, shivering over a warm puddle of their own urine. One rumour has Seagal being squeezed down to his knees during an airport handshake duel with WWE wrestler Mr. Perfect. The most famous tale, Seagal's 'Eddie Murphy in an elevator,' happened on the set of Out For Justice. After bragging that he was incapable of being choked, due to extra-sensory techniques, Seagal was put into a choke-hold by a stunt coordinator. That stuntman was 'Judo' Gene LeBell, 58 at the time, but legitimately one of the toughest men who ever lived. As LeBell tells it, with the hold applied, Seagal proceeded to karate chop him in the bollocks as an attempted escape, before passing out and soiling himself. In his defence, Seagal calls LeBell a scumbag pathological liar, while probably adding “Man, do they ever clean the drains around here? Smells like someone, not me, took a giant poop.
Stuart Millard, Smoke & Mirrors and Steven Seagal

Scott Rogers is a martial artist with just enough of a New York accent to always sound like he's kidding. His video set explains how to defend against every bar weapon, including pool cues, karate chops, knives and guns... Scott uses a guy named Mike to demonstrate most of his moves. Now, when a martial arts teacher pretends to punch you, it's polite to gently go 'arrgh' as if it hurt you. Mike is very good at this. He even makes different sound effects depending on where Scott pretends to hit him. Filming a karate video is exactly like being seven-years old except for one difference: I've seen seven-year-olds win fights.