Quotes: Miles Gloriosus

"I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby."
Barenaked Ladies, "Falling for the First Time"

"Brave Sir Robin ran away
Bravely ran away, away
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out"

"I never tried to swim to Fort Sumter. Thomas probably knows that I made it up, but he wrote about it anyway because he understands the greater truth: Imagination is its own form of courage."
Frank Underwood, House of Cards (US)

There once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead!
And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made!
But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said...
"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead! Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed!"
And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal!
And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no moooooree... when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!
"Ragnar the Red", The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Now Callias the naval man is at his best ashore
Where he can show his seamanship in actions by the score
And when they see his lion-skin the girls cry out for more
It's the way they do things now.
–-The Frogs, Robert Fagles translation

Rainbow Dash: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth.
Rarity: Most unpleasant.
Applejack: All hat and no cattle.

Captain's log, stardate, the year of the tiger. The battle has been bravely fought, and the suffering of our troops beyond measure. But the alien is invulnerable, and our defeat inevitable. That much is obvious, even from my remote command post here at the Times Square Applebee's.
Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

And so, the Coon had returned with the dark lord Cthulhu! Upon seeing Cthulhu in person, Mintberry Crunch heroically dashed off, to, to save the day! With Minty coolness he hurried back home!... and heroically watched Judge Judy, knowing that his superhero friends were probably just fine without him!
Mintberry Crunch, South Park

Real Life

I enlisted in the army of the United States at seventeen; went to the Pacific; did nothing useful—I was just there, as Nixon used to say, WHEN THE BOMBS WERE FALLING. But, actually, the bombs were not falling on either of us: he was a naval officer making a fortune playing poker...
Gore Vidal, Vanity Fair, 1999

Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna, it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini.

I don’t know that much about life, but I do know that it’s probably not a good idea to threaten to beat up Mexico’s biggest drug lord who just escaped out of prison and is responsible for thousands of murders. But since Donald Trump’s brain checked out of his head a long time ago, he threatened to beat up a Mexican drug lord on Twitter...And if you need a quick recap of this post, here you go:

Trump to dangerous Mexican drug lord: “I’m going to kick your ass!”
Dangerous Mexican drug lord’s son to Trump: “We’re going to git you for that!”
Trump: “MOMMY!”

The end.

I really don’t know how this kind of press mentality still exists. That Palmer sure was brave to try to walk off a torn ACL, but you know what makes him even braver? THE FACT THAT HE WAS WILLING TO FACE MY POISON PEN! It doesn’t get must more Lupica than that. You’re not a real man until you explain your injury to the dude with the notepad who was hogging all the free Aquafina five minutes before the conference started.
Drew Magary, "Not All Hot Takes Are Stupid!"

"A divine vessel of peace, Steven Seagal carries a concealed weapon at all times, and supposedly had a custom tuxedo made for the Academy Awards, capable of concealing two guns, in case one of the enemies he'd made as an international man of mystery decided to take him out onstage, mowing down Angela Lansbury as collateral damage.”
Stuart Millard, Smoke & Mirrors and Steven Seagal

"In 2011 he proclaimed himself a "natural" at "game" (in other words, a born pick-up artist). Since he also describes himself as a natural polyglot, an expert martial artist, a natural small-unit leader, a natural flutist and "a natural witch, albeit of a kind uncommon in this century," a natural marksman who can "think like a warrior" and break safety rules which "civilians" blindly follow, and speaks with confidence about historical linguistics perhaps this claim should not be taken too seriously."
Rational Wiki on natural computer hacker Eric S. Raymond

"Scott Rogers is a martial artist with just enough of a New York accent to always sound like he's kidding...Scott uses a guy named Mike to demonstrate most of his moves. Now, when a martial arts teacher pretends to punch you, it's polite to gently go 'arrgh' as if it hurt you. Mike is very good at this. He even makes different sound effects depending on where Scott pretends to hit him. Filming a karate video is exactly like being seven-years old except for one difference: I've seen seven-year-olds win fights."