Quotes / Miles Gloriosus

Film — Live-Action

"Brave Sir Robin ran away
Bravely ran away, away
When danger reared it's ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out"


Now Callias the naval man is at his best ashore
Where he can show his seamanship in actions by the score
And when they see his lion-skin the girls cry out for more
It's the way they do things now.
–-The Frogs, Robert Fagles translation


"I'm so brave, too bad I'm a baby."
Barenaked Ladies, "Falling for the First Time"

Live-Action TV

"I never tried to swim to Fort Sumter. Thomas probably knows that I made it up, but he wrote about it anyway because he understands the greater truth: Imagination is its own form of courage."
Frank Underwood, House of Cards (US)

Video Games

There once was a hero named Ragnar the Red, who came riding to Whiterun from ole Rorikstead!
And the braggart did swagger and brandish his blade, as he told of bold battles and gold he had made!
But then he went quiet, did Ragnar the Red, when he met the shieldmaiden Matilda who said...
"Oh, you talk and you lie and you drink all our mead! Now I think it's high time that you lie down and bleed!"
And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass Matilda charged in full of zeal!
And the braggart named Ragnar was boastful no moooooree... when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!
"Ragnar the Red", The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Web Original

Trump to dangerous Mexican drug lord: “I’m going to kick your ass!”
Dangerous Mexican drug lord’s son to Trump: “We’re going to git you for that!”
Trump: “MOMMY!

The end.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
—"Navy SEAL" Copypasta

I really don’t know how this kind of press mentality still exists. That Palmer sure was brave to try to walk off a torn ACL, but you know what makes him even braver? THE FACT THAT HE WAS WILLING TO FACE MY POISON PEN! It doesn’t get must more Lupica than that. You’re not a real man until you explain your injury to the dude with the notepad who was hogging all the free Aquafina five minutes before the conference started.

"In 2011 he proclaimed himself a "natural" at "game" (in other words, a born pick-up artist). Since he also describes himself as a natural polyglot, an expert martial artist, a natural small-unit leader, a natural flutist and "a natural witch, albeit of a kind uncommon in this century," a natural marksman who can "think like a warrior" and break safety rules which "civilians" blindly follow, and speaks with confidence about historical linguistics perhaps this claim should not be taken too seriously."
Rational Wiki on natural computer hacker Eric S. Raymond

"Scott Rogers is a martial artist with just enough of a New York accent to always sound like he's kidding...Scott uses a guy named Mike to demonstrate most of his moves. Now, when a martial arts teacher pretends to punch you, it's polite to gently go 'arrgh' as if it hurt you. Mike is very good at this. He even makes different sound effects depending on where Scott pretends to hit him. Filming a karate video is exactly like being seven-years old except for one difference: I've seen seven-year-olds win fights."

Western Animation

Captain's log. Stardate: the year of the tiger. The battle has been bravely fought, and the suffering of our troops beyond measure. But the alien is invulnerable, and our defeat inevitable. That much is obvious, even from my remote command post here at the Times Square Applebee's.
Zapp Brannigan, Futurama

And so, the Coon had returned with the dark lord Cthulhu! Upon seeing Cthulhu in person, Mintberry Crunch heroically dashed off, to, to save the day! With Minty coolness he hurried back home!... and heroically watched Judge Judy, knowing that his superhero friends were probably just fine without him!
Mintberry Crunch, South Park

[after Kim has flown her into the air on a jetpack]
Adrena Lynn: Um, I do extreme stunts for a living. You think I'm afraid of heights?
Kim: You fake extreme stunts! Let the world see how brave you are when there's real danger.
[Kim does several loop-de-loops, and Adrena Lynn starts to lose her cool]
Kim: Not so extreme after all now, are you? [does more loops] Are you?!
Adrena Lynn: N-no!
Kim Possible, "All the News"

Rainbow Dash: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth.
Rarity: Most unpleasant.
Applejack: All hat and no cattle.

Real Life

"A divine vessel of peace, Steven Seagal carries a concealed weapon at all times, and supposedly had a custom tuxedo made for the Academy Awards, capable of concealing two guns, in case one of the enemies he'd made as an international man of mystery decided to take him out onstage, mowing down Angela Lansbury as collateral damage.”
Stuart Millard, Smoke & Mirrors and Steven Seagal

I enlisted in the army of the United States at seventeen; went to the Pacific; did nothing useful—I was just there, as Nixon used to say, WHEN THE BOMBS WERE FALLING. But, actually, the bombs were not falling on either of us: he was a naval officer making a fortune playing poker...
Gore Vidal, Vanity Fair, 1999

Van Damme was there with Seagal, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Shaquille O Neal, Don Johnson and Madonna, it was a heck of a party. Van Damme was tired of Seagal saying he could kick his ass and went right up to him and offered him the chance to step outside so he could wipe the floor with him, or should I say wipe the backyard with him. Seagal made some excuse and left. His destination was some Ocean Drive nightclub in Miami. Van Damme, who was completely berserk, tracked him down and again offered him a fight, and again Seagal pulled a Houdini.