Shinji: Liar! Your status page isn't even updated!!
Sayu: What does Ryuk mean?
Light: Uh, It's my new name for you. It means Ke$ha in Japanese.
Clango: Nowhere! I briefly ceased to exist in time and space!
Maura: That doesn't sound suspicious at all.
Co-worker: I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels.
Wally: He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie.
Dilbert: I demand a plausible lie!
Co-worker: Okay, maybe I wasn't killed by giant military squirrels. But I was imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth.
Wally: You can't prove that one either way.
Dilbert: He did say it was a "secret" lair.
Ace: What if I had?
The Doctor: Naturally, you wouldn't do anything so insanely dangerous as to carry it around with you, would you?
Ace: Of course not. I'm a good girl, I do what I'm told.
The Doctor: Excellent. Blow up that vehicle.
Ace: *delighted grin*
Chicolini: Oh no, I no leave.
Mrs. Teasdale: But I saw you with my own eyes!
Chicolini: Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?
Ted: I did! I told him great big massive lies with feckin' bells hanging off them!
Alex Shrub: No one is interested in your statistics, Chavez. Let me tell you something pal, I'm better than that. I will not—I shall not—I cannot stoop to your level! They assured me that this was a show that understood politics, where we can debate mano-a-mano. And I find myself having statistics hurled at me like so much stale confetti. We cannot boil people down to numbers!
Antimony: Hello. I would like to enter, please.
Doorbot: Robots onl... what's that on your head?
Antimony: These are my antennas, because I am clearly a robot.
Doorbot: Oh! Well... it's true that some robots have antennas... hmm...
Antimony: Also, robots never lie.
Doorbot: Hey, you're right! Come on in, friends!
Antimony: We are looking for a particular robot. A... fellow robot. Because we are also robots.
Doorbot: Administration is right down that way.
Reynardine: Your powers of deception and trickery are bewildering, child.
Frank: Under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, dumbass!
Paulie: She... she gets serious nightmares.
Evan: I wonder who you are.
Jon: I'm, uh, Mario.
Azura: Mario has the PAWNCH?
Jon: Mario has a poncho. He's, uh, from Mexico.
Ashley: Or is he from Spain?
Jon: Ethnic minority Mario! Collect them all!
Tape: Uh, we're Throbbing Gristle, and we'd just like to make a small announcement: all the sounds you hear tonight are generated live as we're playing, there are no prepared backing tapes and no Revoxes.
Chalmers: Good Lord! What is happening in there?!
Skinner: Aurora Borealis.
Chalmers: A- Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? LOCALIZED IN YOUR KITCHEN?!
Chalmers: (beat) ...may I see it?
Hobbie: Boss, please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing.
Wedge: Very well. I'm not putting us in women's clothing.
(In the next chapter, the four pilots are in women's clothing)
Hobbie: You lied to me.
Wedge: I did. With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession has come the realization that lies can be powerful motivators.
Hobbie: My faith is shattered.
Wedge: You knew, when I said we needed four sets of women's clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You knew. So any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion.
Hobbie: I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me.
*everyone is outside, with Jade alone with Dist in the room*
Dist: *while the ground is shaking* ... AAAAAAHHH!! S-stop! Stop! You're killing me!! Jade, I'm sorryyyyyy!!!
Jade: *comes out alone, completely deadpan* It seems the earthquakes have led to more frequent avalanches. Also, an extremely powerful monster has taken up residence in the deeper parts. The monsters in the area have likely grown aggressive due to at influence.
Luke: O-okay... Um, about that scream just now...
Jade: Oh, that was nothing. Now let's be going.
Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw