Just For Fun / How to Become a Love Interest

Want to have your dream girl or guy swoon over you? It's easy! Just select your gender:

Females:
  1. Be the first one at the entrance when he comes in. (If someone else got there first, you can always try waiting until the end.)
  2. Dye your hair red.
  3. If he's an American, become a cheerleader.
  4. Don't settle for a simple greeting; make your first meeting with him extremely convoluted or sappy to prove that only fate could have thrown you two together. The Crash-Into Hello meeting is especially popular.
  5. Even better, leave the bathroom door open for him to walk inside and see you naked. Not only does it leave a lasting impression, it also gives you an excuse to give him a Megaton Punch (see below).
  6. Sucker punch him in the face or groin.
  7. Act horrified at the thought that you could ever be in love with him and be a cranky, volatile person around him. Remember, no hero likes a Clingy Jealous Girl or shy, blushing person with "I'M SOOOO IN LOVE" stamped on her forehead. As insurance, be the first to beat the crap of out of him for doing something that can be regarded as even slightly perverted.
  8. Make absolutely sure that you give each other your First Kiss. Sharing straws is acceptable; the rule of thumb here is if it can give mono, it probably counts.
  9. Tell him you promised to marry him when you were five. This always, always, always works, just so long as he doesn't find out you're lying or remember that when he was five, he was afraid of girls. If he does, however, you instantly lose it all.
  10. If he's a manly man with rippling biceps, become the Damsel in Distress to be swept up into his arms.
  11. Failing that, be a Doom Magnet, and find a man who is equally one himself. You'll bond together for safety alone, even if you don't consider him your truest love. Promising him sex will help ensure that he doesn't try to leave, which would only get him killed anyway. Just don't have too much sex.
  12. Somehow bribe the gods into removing all competition, leaving you as their sole choice.
  13. Get contacts and let your hair down.
  14. Get glasses.
  15. ... and develop a love for books and other intellectual pursuits.
  16. Get a degree in chemistry.
  17. Get really good at video games, tabletop games, or whatever it is the geek is into.
  18. Work out your womanly figure and take fighting classes.
  19. ...or stay delicate with no muscles if he's got an ego stake in fighting.
  20. Get a not-too-crippling disability. If you don't like the idea of permanently hurting yourself, try getting a not-too-disfiguring and non-contagious disease. Nothing invokes those chivalrous instincts like a cough in the right moment. Watch out, though: if you're too good at, you may end up dying in the end.
  21. And make sure you never come off as being overly eager or aggressive.
  22. Offer to teach him how to dance.
  23. ...or play a piano duet together.
  24. Sing.
  25. Secretly be male. A Wholesome Crossdresser never fails to get some important guys after her/him.
  26. Of course dressing like a man works well too.
  27. If all else fails, force yourself onto him. It'll give you something to laugh about afterwards! Warning: If you're in real life, doing this will at least screw up your karma and at most get you a life sentence or on-site death.
  28. ...this may sound outrageous but.....if he happens to be black, be white. Just...be white. Seriously, this works way more often than it sounds.
  29. Your main competition isn't allowed to admit her feelings until just before the end credits. Therefore, admit yours much sooner and attempt to gather enough audience sympathy make the confession stick.
    • Do not, however, proclaim love for someone within minutes of meeting them. Wait long enough to make everyone believe you took the time to actually get to know the person you claim to be in love with.
  30. Conceal your gender and kick some serious ass right in front of him. Alternatively, help him to deal with a bunch of Mooks or the Quirky Miniboss Squad, still making believe you're male. And at just the right moment, when he hands out for a manly handshake and ask for your name, comply and reveal your face. Works all the time, no exceptions.


Males:
  1. Wear a leather jacket.
  2. Be aloof, quiet, and generally bad. Even if you don't get the girl, fangirls will flock all over you because there must, simply must, be a sensitive, tormented poetic soul underneath that bad boy veneer.
  3. When options 1 & 2 just won't work, be a honourable, considerate, chivalrous, well-meaning guy. No, seriously, this actually works a lot more than you may think. Also, the women on whom this works are often better quality than the others.
  4. Go for the "slender but lithe" look. What girl can say no to a pretty face like that?
  5. If you can't do either of the above, "accidentally" grope her breasts.
  6. ...or catch a peek at her panties.
  7. ...or walk in on her as she's bathing or undressing.
  8. ...or all of the above. Preferably all at the same time; at which some one will awkwardly stumble into the room for comedic effect.
  9. Proposition her heavily but don't force her. If you do it properly, she may consider your offer indeed.
  10. It never hurts to sacrifice a goat or two to get the Powers That Be to uneven out the playing field in your favor.
  11. Offer to teach her to swing a baseball bat.
  12. Rescue her from danger. Seriously, this usually always works.
  13. Get a job as her bodyguard.
  14. Take your shirt off.
  15. Swear off love.
  16. Force yourself onto her. Every tear and protest she sheds will only cause her to fall even more hopelessly in love with a strong, assertive man like you. Warning: If you're in the kind of story in which this doesn't work, or you're in real life, doing this will at least screw up your karma and at most get you a life sentence, or even on-site death.
  17. If she happens to be an Action Girl and Best Her to Bed Her doesn't apply, try playing the physically weak, frail, helpless Ill Boy.
  18. Offer to help clean off that bit of food stuck to her cheek.
  19. Special Note: If you happen to be black, and she just so happens to be white, there are a TON of options available. These include:
  20. Punch through a wall 400 times stronger than diamond ''with your bare fists'' in order to save her life. Be sure to keep your daytimer clear for the next 4,500,000,000 years, however. And when she asks why later, do not say "Because I love you." Instead, be sure to force her to "do the math" by using an esoteric euphemism like "I had a duty of care."
  21. Show her your more sensitive sides and interests, but don't be too sensitive; after all, you want to go for relatable and prove yourself as a man too. When combined with a more manly physique/disposition, it may work out in your favor for both her and your audience.


Non-gender-specific advice:

NOTE: This role comes with a significant increase in the probability of dying, especially if one of you has the Cartwright Curse. Therefore the following advice may be relevant:
  • First, refer to this list.
  • The Hero is only dead when I have personally identified the body and checked it for vital signs.
  • Even after thus ensuring it, I will not make any drastic decisions immediately. Particularly not that I should marry the Evil Overlord at once to save my people, but any decision is best made when I am not distraught.
  • I will not delude myself that my romance with the local Chivalrous Pervert or The Casanova actually means anything, nor will I attempt to make our relationship long-term, knowing that if I did, I would wind up dumped, dead in order to give him angst, or he would suffer Badass Decay.
  • If, at any point, I am looking for the hero (or any character, for that matter) with a friend and find myself in a giant empty space (field, cave, big room etc.) I shall search the space nearby before leaving. If the friend says "There's nothing here, let's go back," I shall walk forward a few inches. Chances are, the hero's right in front of me and is merely invisible, trapped, etc.
  • No matter how infuriating my hero may be I will wait until after we save the world to tell him off. Especially if there is a countdown going on.
  • No matter what the provocation I will never incapacitate my hero with a punch, kick or blunt object as it is certain he will be needed urgently immediately afterwards.
  • If both I and the hero are interested in each other, but I cannot/will not truly open myself up to a relationship, I will tell him that clearly and bluntly. I will not torture either of our hearts with "maybe someday" or "if only" or with wistful sighs. I will stick to my decision unless something fundamental in the situation changes, and I will acknowledge, if not accept, that my refusal gives him the right to be involved with another love interest. This means no casual sex, no drama-fueled kisses.
  • I will establish a friendly "may the best one win" relationship with the secondary love interest. Not only will this please my hero, it will save me from agonies of remorse when s/he bites the dust.
  • If I am the secondary love interest I will remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea and not do anything foolish; there's the dark and troubled Lancer, the cute funny Sidekick, the hero's Evil Twin (clearly in desperate need of love), or even the Evil Overlord.
  • I will never wear a leather catsuit. A nice jersey knit is just as sexy and allows for greater freedom of movement.
  • I will never wear a tall pointy hat with floaty veils just on general principle.
  • I will learn to apologize when I do something wrong, no matter how stubborn I am. Always insisting on being right just makes me look immature.
  • If I receive a phone call from the hero requesting I meet him at some strange and threatening place I will ring back to make sure it's really him.
  • I will not use the fact that I am dating the The Chosen One/Hero/Messianic to slack on my character development. Most heroes are reasonably tolerant of flaws, but even they have limits. And a general rule of thumb is that heroes are good at attracting lovers. I am by no means his only chance at love, and I will remember this.
  • I will never go anywhere unarmed or without backup. And I will always tell at least three different people where I am going and when I intend to return.
    • Unless my only choices are suspected to be The Mole. Even then, I will try judicious Feed the Mole to flush them out before they are my only choice.
  • If I am a journalist who started dating the hero to get the "inside story" and I honestly find myself falling for him, I will tell him of both facts the minute I realize the latter. Delaying on such things usually leads other sources (i.e, the villain) to reveal my secret just when the hero is most vulnerable, effectively crushing any chance of continuing a relationship with him.
  • If my super power is something non-offensive, I will take various martial arts classes AND will learn how to play a physical sport like Rugby. If I am unable to do those things, I will invest the time and the money to get a gun and learn how to use it.
  • I will not fly off the handle every time the protagonist so much as implies that another woman is attractive. I will remember that actions are what count, and that every relationship has to work through jealousy, temptation and insecurity on the parts of both participants. Above all, I will try not to act like a spoiled, stuck-up little bitch every time life does not go my way.
  • If I am the primary love interest, I will not wait to tell the Hero about my feelings A) Just before we're about to go fight the Evil Overlord, B) When one of us is dying, or C) When telling the Hero will distract him and put us in great danger. Instead, the first moment I have, I will sit down with the Hero, make him talk about my feelings, and go from there. If he accepts them, then we'll start in on a casual, slow-paced relationship that can speed up AFTER our journey to save the world is done. If he rejects me, I will no go join the villain. I will instead accept this and continue to support him on our journey, for you never know when rejection is just the Hero's way of trying to protect you.
    • I will not pick inappropriate moments to have a whispered argument with the hero about all the reasons I broke up with him the last time we were together. Such moments might be when we're casing the Evil Overlord's joint or trying to get past the sleeping giant.
    • Neither will I insist the hero gives me one last kiss before he goes. There's plenty of time for loving when he comes back safe.
    • Telling him we will make sweet love for a period of no less then 12 hours when he gets back? May, however, motivate him.
  • I will cut my hair short so it will not get in the way, or provide a handle for kidnappers to grab, if I cannot cut it for some reason, I will habitually wear it in a tight bun, and always carry extra ribbons, elastic bands, or what have you in case it comes undone. The Hero is, or should be, in love with me, not my long flowing tresses. Also, if I am attempting to remain unseen I will not wear anything brightly coloured or sparkly in my hair as that is generally detrimental to stealth.
  • Whether I am male or female, if I have to break it off with anyone including the hero for whatever reason I will do my absolute best to break it to them gently and calmly and clearly explain my reasons for doing so. It may not stop clingly jealous ex's, stalkers with a crush and/or prevent my ex from going down the Dark Side, but being considerate does help minimize it.
  • If I have information crucial to defeating the Evil Overlord/saving the world/fixing the hero's depressed mental state, I will relay that information immediately upon reuniting with them instead of getting distracted by a moment of romance. Even if I don't suddenly get killed before I tell them, it will definitely cast doubt on my prioritizing skills.


Alternative Title(s): How To Become A Love Interest

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/JustForFun/HowToBecomeALoveInterest