Just For Fun / How to Become a Love Interest

Want to have your dream girl or guy swoon over you? It's easy! Just select your gender (provided you are attracted to the 'opposite' gender):

Females:

1. Be the first one at the entrance when he comes in. (If someone else got there first, you can always try waiting until the end.)
2. Dye your hair red or blonde. Alternatively, if you're a brunette, whine about your hair being "mousy" and he'll find it attractive.
3. If he's an American, become a cheerleader.
4. Don't settle for a simple greeting; make your first meeting with him extremely convoluted or sappy to prove that only fate could have thrown you two together. The Crash-Into Hello meeting is especially popular.
5. Even better, leave the bathroom door open for him to walk inside and see you naked. Not only does it leave a lasting impression, it also gives you an excuse to give him a Megaton Punch (see below).
6. Sucker punch him in the face or groin.
7. Act horrified at the thought that you could ever be in love with him and be a cranky, volatile person around him. Remember, no hero likes a Clingy Jealous Girl or shy, blushing person with "I'M SOOOO IN LOVE" stamped on her forehead. As insurance, be the first to beat the crap of out of him for doing something that can be regarded as even slightly perverted.
8. Make absolutely sure that you give each other your First Kiss. Sharing straws is acceptable; the rule of thumb here is if it can give mono, it probably counts.
9. Tell him you promised to marry him when you were five. This always, always, always works, just so long as he doesn't find out you're lying or remember that when he was five, he was afraid of girls. If he does, however, you instantly lose it all.
10. If he's a manly man with rippling biceps, become the Damsel in Distress to be swept up into his arms.
11. Failing that, be a Doom Magnet, and find a man who is equally one himself. You'll bond together for safety alone, even if you don't consider him your truest love. Promising him sex will help ensure that he doesn't try to leave, which would only get him killed anyway. Just don't have too much sex.
12. Somehow bribe the gods into removing all competition, leaving you as their sole choice.
13. Get contacts and let your hair down.
14. Get glasses.
15. ... and develop a love for books and other intellectual pursuits.
16. Get a degree in chemistry.
17. Get really good at video games, tabletop games, or whatever it is the geek is into.
18. Work out your womanly figure and take fighting classes.
19. ...or stay delicate with no muscles if he's got an ego stake in fighting.
20. Get a not-too-crippling disability. If you don't like the idea of permanently hurting yourself, try getting a not-too-disfiguring and non-contagious disease. Nothing invokes those chivalrous instincts like a cough in the right moment. Watch out, though: if you're too good at, you may end up dying in the end.
21. And make sure you never come off as being overly eager or aggressive.
22. Offer to teach him how to dance.
23. ...or play a piano duet together.
24. Sing.
25. Secretly be male. A Wholesome Crossdresser never fails to get some important guys after her/him.
26. Of course dressing like a man works well too.
27. If all else fails, force yourself onto him. It'll give you something to laugh about afterwards! Warning: this is not recommended in real life, and will screw up your karma, and it will likely earn you jail time or worse.
28. ...this may sound outrageous but...if he happens to be black, be white. Just...be white. Seriously, this works way more often than it sounds.
    • If he's anything else, Ambiguously Brown will usually work. Bonus points if you're a "savage".
29. Your main competition isn't allowed to admit her feelings until just before the end credits. Therefore, admit yours much sooner and attempt to gather enough audience sympathy make the confession stick.
    • Do not, however, proclaim love for someone within minutes of meeting them. Wait long enough to make everyone believe you took the time to actually get to know the person you claim to be in love with.
30. Conceal your gender and kick some serious ass right in front of him. Alternatively, help him to deal with a bunch of Mooks or the Quirky Miniboss Squad, still making believe you're male. And at just the right moment, when he hands out for a manly handshake and ask for your name, comply and reveal your face. Works all the time, no exceptions.
31. Avoid wearing makeup or revealing clothes, or having too much sex, but be friends with another woman who is like that and who also has her eye on your crush.
32. Be insecure about how you look, especially if you think you look too average or too fat.
33. Get pregnant with his baby.
34. Never wear a leather catsuit (because that will cement you as a throwaway Femme Fatale). A nice jersey knit is just as sexy and allows for greater freedom of movement.
35. Go for The Hero, bonus points if he's The Chosen One or has a busy life. These guys always end up with girlfriends (or at least usually). However...
36. Don't use the fact that you're dating the The Chosen One/Hero/Messianic to slack on your character development. Even if you do end up with him, that'll probably get you killed and/or make you unpopular with the audience. Most heroes are reasonably tolerant of flaws, but even they have limits. And a general rule of thumb is that heroes are good at attracting lovers. You are by no means his only chance at love, so remember this.
37. Don't fly off the handle every time the protagonist so much as implies that another woman is attractive. Remember that actions are what count, and that every relationship has to work through jealousy, temptation and insecurity on the parts of both participants. Above all, try not to act like a spoiled, stuck-up little bitch every time life does not go your way. Overly-possessive women always end up dumped.
38. Don't insist the hero gives you one last kiss before he goes. Even if this works, you'll likely end up killed, and there's plenty of time for loving when he comes back safe. Telling him you will make sweet love for a period of no less then 12 hours when he gets back? May, however, motivate him.
39. Be a princess. Failing that, be an ordinary woman who wants to be a princess very badly.
40. Fall under a curse that can only be broken by True Love's Kiss, The Power of Love, etc.
41. If it's a fairy tale, avoid marrying a widower with children, since that will make you a Wicked Stepmother.

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Males:

1. Wear a leather jacket.
2. Be aloof, quiet, and generally bad. Even if you don't get the girl, fangirls will flock all over you because there must, simply must, be a sensitive, tormented poetic soul underneath that bad boy veneer.
   • For extra effect, be abusive and sarcastic to her. Glasses optional.
3. When options 1 & 2 just won't work, be a honourable, considerate, chivalrous, well-meaning guy. No, seriously, this actually works a lot more than you may think. Also, the women on whom this works are often better quality than the others.
4. Go for the "slender but lithe" look. What girl can say no to a pretty face like that?
5. If you can't do either of the above, "accidentally" grope her breasts.
6. ...or catch a peek at her panties.
7. ...or walk in on her as she's bathing or undressing.
8. ...or all of the above. Preferably all at the same time; at which some one will awkwardly stumble into the room for comedic effect.
9. Proposition her heavily but don't force her. If you do it properly, she may consider your offer indeed.
10. It never hurts to sacrifice a goat or two to get the Powers That Be to uneven out the playing field in your favor.
11. Offer to teach her to swing a baseball bat.
12. Rescue her from danger. Seriously, this usually always works.
13. Get a job as her bodyguard.
14. Take your shirt off.
15. Swear off love.
16. Force yourself onto her. Every tear and protest she sheds will only cause her to fall even more hopelessly in love with a strong, assertive man like you. Warning: If you're in the kind of story in which this doesn't work, or you're in real life, doing this will at least screw up your karma and at most get you a life sentence, or even on-site death.
17. If she happens to be an Action Girl and Best Her to Bed Her doesn't apply, try playing the physically weak, frail, helpless lover.
    • Alternatively, prove that you can outdo her with your smarts rather than your strength.
18. Offer to help clean off that bit of food stuck to her cheek.
19. Special Note: If you happen to be black, and she just so happens to be white, there are a TON of options available. These include:
    • Grow an afro and just be really, really cool.
    • Lose the Uncle Tomfoolery.
    • Become President of the United States.
      • Actually, this is extremely effective for any man, whatever his race.
    • Become the new Sheriff of Rock Ridge. Though, some folks might need to get used to you.
      • If you do go this route, and all else fails, just offer to prove to them that the rumors are, in fact, true.
20. Punch through a wall 400 times stronger than diamond with your bare fists in order to save her life. Be sure to keep your daytimer clear for the next 4,500,000,000 years, however. And when she asks why later, do not say "Because I love you." Instead, be sure to force her to "do the math" by using an esoteric euphemism like "I had a duty of care."
21. Show her your more sensitive sides and interests, but don't be too sensitive; after all, you want to go for relatable and prove yourself as a man too. When combined with a more manly physique/disposition, it may work out in your favor for both her and your audience.
22. Knock her up. Once she's determined that you are in fact the father, she will want to be with you.
23. If she wants to be a princess, then be a prince. If she is a princess, then be a "common" man — this may cause a lot of family drama, but it'll usually end with the two of you together.
24. If she's affected by dark magic, try kissing her.

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Non-gender-specific advice:

NOTE: This role comes with a significant increase in the probability of dying, especially if one of you has the Cartwright Curse. Therefore the following advice may be relevant:

• First, refer to this list.
• If you're a villain's love interest, remember that The Hero is only dead when the villain has personally identified the body and checked it for vital signs. This is important because heroes love to kill the love interests of villains.
  • Even after thus ensuring it, do not make any drastic decisions immediately. Particularly not that you should marry the Evil Overlord at once to save your people, but any decision is best made when you're not distraught.
• Don't delude yourself that your romance with the local Chivalrous Pervert or The Casanova actually means anything, nor attempt to make your relationship long-term. If you do, you'll probably wind up dumped, and if you're a woman and he's a man, you may end up dead in order to give him angst, or he'll suffer Badass Decay.
• If, at any point, you're looking for a character with a friend and find yourself in a giant empty space (field, cave, big room etc.), search the space nearby before leaving. If the friend says, "There's nothing here, let's go back," walk forward a few inches. Chances are, they're right in front of you and merely invisible, trapped, etc. This comes in useful because love interests are prone to being attacked.
• No matter how infuriating your hero may be, wait until after you save the world to tell them off. Especially if there is a countdown going on.
• No matter what the provocation, never incapacitate your hero with a punch, kick or blunt object as it is certain they will be needed urgently immediately afterwards. Also, it could well lead to you being dumped.
• If both you and the hero are interested in each other, but you cannot/will not truly open yourself up to a relationship, tell them that clearly and bluntly. Don't torture either of your hearts with "maybe someday" or "if only" or with wistful sighs. Stick to your decision unless something fundamental in the situation changes, and acknowledge, if not accept, that your refusal gives them the right to be involved with another love interest. This means no casual sex, no drama-fueled kisses.
• Establish a friendly "may the best one win" relationship with the secondary love interest. Not only will this please your hero, it will save you from agonies of remorse when s/he bites the dust.
• If you are the secondary love interest, remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea and don't do anything foolish; there's the dark and troubled Lancer, the cute funny Sidekick, the hero's Evil Twin (clearly in desperate need of love), or even the Evil Overlord.
• Never wear a tall pointy hat with floaty veils just on general principle.
• Learn to apologize when you do something wrong, no matter how stubborn you are. Always insisting on being right just makes you look immature.
• If you receive a phone call from the hero requesting you meet them at some strange and threatening place, ring back to make sure it's really them.
• Never go anywhere unarmed or without backup. And always tell at least three different people where you're going and when you intend to return, since love interests tend to go missing easily.
  • Unless your only choices are suspected to be The Mole. Even then, try judicious Feed the Mole to flush them out before they are your only choice.
• If you're a journalist who started dating the hero to get the "inside story" and honestly find yourself falling for them, tell them of both facts the minute you realize the latter. Delaying on such things usually leads other sources (i.e, the villain) to reveal your secret just when the hero is most vulnerable, effectively crushing any chance of continuing a relationship with them.
• Love interests with superpowers often die from being too cocky, so if your super power is something non-offensive, take various martial arts classes AND learn how to play a physical sport like rugby. If you're unable to do those things, invest the time and the money to get a gun and learn how to use it.
  • Even if your super power does have offensive uses, learn some more mundane skills to augment said power(s), or continue training ones you already have.
• If you're the primary love interest, don't wait to tell the hero about your feelings A) Just before you're about to go fight the Evil Overlord, B) When one of you is dying, or C) When telling the hero will distract them and put you in great danger. Instead, the first moment you have, sit down with the hero, make them talk about your feelings, and go from there. If they accept them, then start in on a casual, slow-paced relationship that can speed up AFTER your journey to save the world is done. If they reject you, don't go join the villain. Instead, accept this and continue to support them on your journey, for you never know when rejection is just the hero's way of trying to protect you.
• If you're the hero's ex and want to try again, don't pick inappropriate moments to have a whispered argument with the hero about all the reasons you broke up with them the last time you were together. Such moments might be when you're casing the Evil Overlord's joint or trying to get past the sleeping giant.
• Cut your hair short so it will not get in the way, or provide a handle for kidnappers to grab. If you cannot cut it for some reason, habitually wear it in a tight bun, and always carry extra ribbons, elastic bands, or what have you in case it comes undone. The hero is, or should be, in love with you, not your long flowing tresses. Also, if you're attempting to remain unseen, don't wear anything brightly coloured or sparkly in your hair as that is generally detrimental to stealth.
• If you have to break it off with anyone including the hero for whatever reason, do your absolute best to break it to them gently and calmly and clearly explain your reasons for doing so. It may not stop clingy jealous exes, stalkers with a crush and/or prevent your ex from going down the Dark Side, but being considerate does help minimize it.
• If you have information crucial to defeating the Evil Overlord/saving the world/fixing the hero's depressed mental state, relay that information immediately upon reuniting with them instead of getting distracted by a moment of romance. Even if you don't suddenly get killed before you tell them, it will definitely cast doubt on your prioritizing skills.
• You're no villain if you yourself must go against the law for the one you love. Love is the righteous, omnipresent force which forgives all actions— if done under its name.
• Go for someone who doesn't notice you.

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WARNING TO ALL GENDERS: If you are Genre Savvy enough to recognize the Love Tropes that come to play in your setting and are specifically invoking them to get the ending that you desire, then your plan will almost definitely backfire. It is advised that you should just Be Yourself to avoid Becoming the Mask and losing sight of your goal, as well as to avoid grossly-exaggerated misunderstandings (which is not fun for anyone involved). It's better to come out of your shell sooner than later and tie up loose ends. Yes, even if your real self has No Social Skills. Keep in mind that there is a chance that you will Earn Your Happy Ending... Just not the one you expected.

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