Insane Troll Logic / Web Original

Insane Troll Logic on the Internet... excuse us, specific examples of ITL on the 'net.

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Blogs

• What If?: Spelling out what is admitted up-front to be "wild ballpark calculations" for "A Mole of Moles" comes off sounding like this despite being perfectly sound (albeit mathematically flawed) reasoning.
  I can pick up a mole (animal) and throw it.[citation needed] Anything I can throw weighs one pound. One pound is one kilogram. The number 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 looks about twice as long as a trillion, which means it's about a trillion trillion. I happen to remember that a trillion trillion kilograms is how much a planet weighs.
• This blog post figures out the true identity of Barack Obama: Cthulhu.

Fora

• From a post on the Doctor Who Forums, arguing that Vincent van Gogh is the Master in disguise:
  1. van Gogh, as we discover in "Vincent and the Doctor", is mad. The Master is also mad.
  2. van Gogh was deeply unpopular with the local rubes. The Master was terribly charismatic and brilliant at manipulating local rubes to his advantage (cf. "The Dæmons"). If the Master were trying to hide his true nature, what better way than to appear deeply unpopular with the locals?
  3. van Gogh could see the Krafayis when nobody else could see it. This is probably a Time Lord ability to see things nobody else can see.
  4. Alternatively, a bio-upgrade of some sort given to him offscreen during "The Mark of the Rani".
  5. No one can agree on the correct pronunciation of "van Gogh". Got to be an allusion to the many different names the Master has used throughout his career.
  6. I seem to recall in one serial during the seventies the Master expressed an interest in painting.
  7. The name "Vincent van Gogh" is an anagram of "Vincent van Gogh", the alias used by the Master in this story.
  8. Tony Curran. Anthony Tony Ainley. Do I have to spell this out, people?
  9. Being a man, he's definitely not Susan, Romana, the Rani or Rose, the only other possible candidates for a character in a Doctor Who story. Although there is a slim chance he is secretly the eighth Doctor, played by Paul McGann.
  10. In one of the deleted scenes for this episode, van Gogh laughs maniacally and screams, "I am the Master", before turning into the Master.
  I believe the evidence is clear.
• From a truly epic post on one of GameFAQs's social boards, apparently talking about the origins of Winnie the Pooh:
  Pooh backwards is Hoop. Like hula hoops, right?... Hula was invented in Hawaii. Hawaii was once part of an Asian country. Japan is in Asia... Japan was nuked. Microwaves also nuke... Microwave... Micro! Micro means very small, like the chances I have of getting a date. Date... A calendar often tells dates. Calendars also often have pictures. Mostly pictures of puppies. Puppies grow up to be dogs. Like hot dogs! The best hot dogs are found in New York. New York has the Yankees. The Yankees fought the Confederates. The Dukes of Hazzard had a Confederate flag on their car. Hazard... the word has a Z. Z's normally signify sleeping. Sleeping leads to dreams. In some dreams you're flying... flying like a plane. The Wright Brothers flew the first plane. And they were brothers. Like the show Band of Brothers. That series was about a war. And about WWII! WWII had Nazis. And Hitler. Hitler spelled backwards is Reltih, which makes no sense. Sense, like Spider-Sense. Spider-Man used spider sense to fight the Green Goblin. Green, green was the color used by Sailor Jupiter in that one cartoon. Jupiter... Jupiter has moons! Like Callisto. Callisto was also a gun in the game Perfect Dark. Dark... Moon... Jupiter? Winnie the Pooh is from the dark side of Jupiter's moon, Callisto!
  • The best part may be how he gets this close to making a reasoning using World War II, evades it to go on a different tangent, and then goes back to WWII later on.
  • Curiously, he references the moon Callisto but never makes the connection of the moon being named after the mythological nymph transformed into a bear by Jupiter. At least the bear connection would have made some sense.
• A poster on Yahoo! Answers' infamous Religion & Spirituality forum once used the following argument to "prove" said forum was Satan
  "Devil" spelled backwards is "lived". Does this mean Satan is now dead?
  Also, "devil" pronounced backwards is "livid". He must be pissed about being dead.
  And if you take "livid", drop the first and last letters, and convert what remains into a single symbol, you get M, who is James Bond's boss. As we know, the James Bond series was written by Ian Fleming, who is not to be confused with fellow writer Anne Fleming, who comes from Canada, which is also the name of an indie-folk-rock band, "band" being a word meaning "a belt, strap, or ring". And if you've won a belt in the ring, you're probably a wrestler, which is derived from a much more real sport that was very popular in ancient Greece, which sounds like "grease" which is a substance found in many fatty foods including chips, which are a key component in the manufacture of computers, the invention of which is attributed to Alan Turing (1912-1954). 1954 is when the first nuclear powered submarine was launched. It was called the Nautilus, named after the submarine driven my Captain Nemo, who was once played by James Mason. "Mason" is used as shorthand for "Freemason", which uses a draftsman's compass in their logo. Compass also refers to a navigational instrument which uses the earth's magnetic fields to point North, which is the opposite of South, which is where fried chicken comes from, "chicken" being slang for a kilogram of cocaine, which used to be used in the manufacture of Coca-Cola, makers of Sprite, a type of mythical water spirit, "spirit" being the root of the word "spirituality" as in "Religion & Spirituality", therefore R&S is Satan!

Let's Play

• Jayuzumi encounters a gamer and trolling victim by the name of "cider dude" during the "Bad Violin Trolling" episode, who uses this against him. Whereas the more Genre Savvy players opt to mute Jay immediately for his annoying behaviour, cider dude reasons that it would be better to leave him unmuted and file an official complaint against him, reasoning that a system so huge naturally would respond to him instantly and automatically rule in his favour. All the while, cider dude gets more annoyed and finally starts shouting at the top of his lungs, clearly outraged that his way of thinking isn't working as he hoped.
• Nakar's Let's Play of Ultima VII Part II: Serpent Isle has a moment that includes some rather hilarious made-up dialogue, with callbacks to the Avatar's adventures in Martian Dreams:
  Steve the Avatar: I call the Shadowlords to witness before the Oracle.
  Iolo: Ummmm.
  Shadowlord Nosfentor: What do you want this time, Steve?
  Steve: Nosfentor! Great to see you. I'd like to draw your attention to Exhibit 1.◊
  Shadowlord Faulinei: That would be you and Iolo in Ultima IV, killing city guards for money.
  Steve: Indeed. And Exhibit 2?◊
  Iolo: How is this supposed to help my defense?
  Steve: Oh I'm supposed to be defending you?
  Shadowlord Astaroth: That would be you dumping off Iolo's dead body at an inn in Ultima V.
  Steve: Iolo's dead body! How very interesting. And I should point out that on Mars I encountered one Dr. David Yellin. Exhibit 3◊, if you would.
  Iolo: I've told you before I'm n-
  Steve: And when Dr. Yellin wouldn't cooperate, do you recall what happened?
  Sigmund Freud: Ja, you shot him.◊
  Steve: I shot him! Which means that Iolo has died twice. And as you are all surely aware, a man cannot be executed more than twice for committing the same crime. Thus, Iolo cannot be convicted for the crime of being Iolo.
  Iolo: But that makes no sense.
  Steve: Shut up, you're dead, and zombies have no civil rights.
  Lady Yelinda: Ohhhhhh, I'm starting to get it, this is retarded.
  Nosfentor: Glad to see someone is catching on.
• In the bonus video for Dream's Minecraft Speedrunner VS 2 Hunters video, George attempts to rationalize his game-losing murder of Sapnap by claiming he was celebrating their victory, attempting to pass it off as a justified response. Never mind that George killing Sapnap was the only reason they lost in the first place, something that Sapnap tries to point out.

Web Animation

• Nagato uses this fairly often in An Akatsuki's Life, to great success: During the Hangover arc, a talking cat explained to the Akatsuki that for understanding the events of the previous night, they had to follow the piglet's tail. Nagato's deciphering is as follows:
  Nagato: Well, in some language "tail" means "cola", and a piglet is often called "coca". So the answer is "Follow the Coca-cola".
• Fanny's explanation for switching to TPOT in Battle for BFDI
  Fanny: "WAIT! Everybody, STOP!! I HATE THIS!! When I voluntarily joined this competition, I came with the intention of winning A BFDI! Now, that BFDI has been REPLACED!! The BFDI is being denied from not just me, but EVERYONE on this show! This is an outrage! I hate this!"
• Used in Ducktalez 6 to figure out Quackerjack's plan, as a reference to the 60's Batman series.
• Epithet Erased:
  • Phoenica is a good source of these, being Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense. She spent a lot of money to get business cards that were both edible and could be used as signal flares just in case she was ever marooned on a deserted island with only a pile of her business cards. Then there's her justification for trusting Rick, who she's known for about five minutes and who has been incredibly sketchy the whole time:
    Feenie: Street Smarts only warned us about strangers! Mr Rick is no stranger! He's my friend! We lightninged about it!
    Rick: YES I AM A FRIEND! TRUST MEEEEE!
  • Early in Epithet Erased: Prison of Plastic, Rick starts doing schoolwork very quickly using Phoenica's academic knowledge via his Power Copying, for which Phoenica chastises him as a "cheater cheater pumpkineater". When the group later confronts the Scaregrow, a Pumpkin Person, Rick's strategy, based entirely on that phrase, is to attempt to swallow the Scaregrow whole, even though he is a tiny lizard at the time.
• Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged: Palmer seems to believe that you can buy space by throwing billions of gil into fire along with the planet being flat and that he can get to space with a propeller aircraft.
• In Foxy Gets Hooked, when Foxy switches to his "pirate" mode, we get to see inside Freddy's brain. We see "Foxy = Pirate" and "Pirate = Mutiny". The two "Pirate"s meld together and disappear, leaving "Foxy = Mutiny". Freddy assumes that Foxy is going to betray him and gets mad at him.
• Helluva Boss: Loopty Goopty justifies smashing through the I.M.P. HQ wall instead of using the door by saying "I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!"
• Red vs. Blue:
  • Used hilariously in Episode 2 of Revelation. Best of all, Simmons was not actually trying to send a coded message, yet Sarge is completely correct!
    Grif: [after what appears to have been a completely ordinary radio conversation] Simmons sounded good. I guess he's got everything under control.
    Sarge: Donut and Lopez are dead and someone has taken Simmons prisoner.
    Grif: What? Everything sounded fine to me.
    Sarge: Think about it. How do you answer the radio at our base?
    Grif: Thank you for calling Red Base, this is Private Grif, how may I assist you today.
    Sarge: And we've drilled that since day one! Simmons answered 'Hi.' That was my first clue!
    Grif: So maybe he's just ups-
    Sarge: He also said the radio was in disrepair. When has Lopez ever let something go without the proper maintenance?
    Grif: Never.
    Sarge: And look at the time.
    Grif: Can't, clock's broken.
    Sarge: It's 17:30. And everybody knows that 17:30 is...
    Grif: Donut's daily wine and cheese hour!
    Sarge: I didn't hear any chinkling glasses. Did you?
    Grif: You're right.
    Sarge: He also mentioned that the weather was rainier. And as we all know, Mt. Rainier is the biggest landmass in the state of... Washington.
    Grif: We do? Uh uh- I mean we do!
    Sarge: How many Washingtons do we know?
    Grif: Did he mean, Agent Washington?
    Sarge: And who's the biggest mass we know, associated with Washington?
    Grif: The Meta!
    Sarge: So the Meta and Washington have teamed up to kill Donut and Lopez, and now they're holding Simmons and Doc prisoner.
    Grif: We have to help 'em. Wait, Doc? Ha- how do you know he's there?
    Sarge: Please, Grif, it's so obvious. I don't wanna insult your intelligence by explaining every little detail.
    Grif: Oh, uh, wuh okay.
  • Caboose does this frequently.
    Caboose: Time... line? Time is not made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round!
  • Wash gets a moment of his own in episode 5 of season 10 when he and York first meet North's AI, Theta, and he concludes that it's weird for Theta to be small, yet somehow it's perfectly normal for York's AI Delta to be small... because Delta is green. In the words of York:
    York: How does that even make sense?
  • Hilariously deconstructed in season 12 when Tucker concludes that the best way to rescue Wash and the others is to think like idiots and wing it as that always seems to work, completely oblivious that they only succeed through dumb luck and the idiocy of their enemies. As they brainstorm an idea to break into the base of the Federal Army of Chorus, Caboose finally comes up with a ridiculous plan that works.
    Grif: So, we're here. Now what?
    Tucker: We bust our way in. Anyone have any ideas?
    Simmons: We could try scaling the wall?
    Tucker: Uh, that's a little too obvious. Think dumber.
    Grif: We could knock on the door?
    Tucker: Too dumb.
    Grif: I was joking!
    Caboose: We could knock on their door?
    Grif: I just said that?!
    Caboose: Yeaah, but you were joking. I felt the plan deserved more serious consideration.
    Tucker: Hmm, How do you break into an evil ice fortress?
    Caboose: You melt it! Like evil ice cream!
    Tucker: Holy Shit. We melt our way in!
    Caboose: Whe- Wai- Rea- YES! I WIN!
    Grif: What?
    Tucker: We can't go through the wall, and going over it is what most people would do, so let's just go under it.
    Grif: That's retarded.
    Tucker: Exactly! Damn, I'd never thought I'd say this, I mean ever, seriously but, good job Caboose.
    Caboose: Oh well I'm just really glad someone appreciates my genius. Now let's start melting!
    (Caboose tries to exhale on the ground, not realizing he has his helmet on.)
    Tucker: Caboose, you're wearing a helmet. That's not doing anything.
    Caboose: Okay, well fine, then how do you explain my sudden light headed...ness.
    Tucker: What about friction? All the ladies tell me I light a fire between their legs.
    Grif: That's chlamydia.
    Simmons: Friction won't work. It's gotta be negative forty degrees Celsius out here....That's negative forty degrees Fahrenheit.
    Tucker: Jesus, that's cold!
    Grif: That's freezing!
    Simmons: You people are idiots.
    Grif: Well say it in American next time.
    Tucker: Oh! I've got it!
    (Tucker pulls out his sword and stabs it into the ground to start the melting process)
    Tucker: STAB!
    Simmons: Is it working?
    (The sword's heat begins to melt away the ice. Cut to the group falling into a tunnel)
    Tucker: Ahh, it worked!
    
• In the DVD exclusive Strong Bad Email "Family resemblance", Strong Bad uses this to guess how Pom Pom's family looks like. He bases his guesses on the idea that Pom Pom's family would resemble Pom Pom as closely as Strong Bad's own brothers resemble him (which they don't). As a result, he assumes that Pom Pom has a brother who is a bulldog head on a horse leg with boxing gloves because his head is orange, his younger sister is a pair of headphones with a floating disembodied face underneath because he moves around by bouncing and floating, and their parents are a filling cabinet since Pom Pom speaks with bubbling noises.

Web Original

• Feeding the Trolls, as is obvious by the title, deals with a lot of these arguments in the videos covered, but even then some truly special arguments like "Because I don't masturbate, I can literally get away with murder" and "Halloween is a new age liberal atheist communist Illuminati plot to promote communism, devil worship and Big Government" and "The Sun revolves around the Earth because if you wind up an old-fashioned clock, the key spins, and if you hold it by the key, the clock spins. But either way, that key is spinning" pop out on occasion.

Websites

• asdf.com:
  ""asdf" converted into Morse code is .- ... -.. ..-. If you take the .'s and convert them to 0's and take the -'s and convert them to 1's, you get the binary number of 010001000010, which is 1090 in decimal. The year 1090 just happens to be 2 years after Christodoulos of Patmos, supported by Emperor Alexius I Komnenos, founded the monastery of Saint John the Theologian on Patmos. Only * 4* years after the year 1090 AD... The First Crusade (1095-99) captured Jerusalem; and the Latin Kingdom of Jerusalem begins. Now because the Crusade on Jerusalem happened only a short time after the crucial year 1090, we can convert the letters ASDF into the ancient Hebrew alphabet, and we get Aleph Vov Daled Samech (because of the differences in alphabets, these might not be accurate translations). We take the letters, and convert them into one word. Alephvovdaledsamech — which converted phonetically sounds like "A lef volv da leads a mech". We can then read these sounds into words, and we get "A left Volvo does leads a mech." Going further, we get "A left Volvo does lead the mechanics", or "A left Volvo does lead the mechanical industry". We can then read into it, that a "left Volvo", obviously a car made in a country where you drive on the left side of the road, will one day lead the mechanical, or automobile industry. Ford Motors Inc. must have found out about this information before I could disclose it to you — for they just bought Volvo. Ford is obviously trying to change this age-old Hebrew prophecy, and claim the automobile industry for themselves! You must rally the people! To the top of Mount Sinai! We shall stop them yet! ARMAGEDDON HAS BEGUN!!!!!
• CollegeHumor / Dropout
  • "Deceptive Deceptions". The fictional narrator "uncovers" an Ancient Conspiracy by tying together about two-and-a-half dozen people, companies, and organizations by truly nonsensical connections and flimsy associations. Case in point: John Candy.
  • An "Extreme Anti-Smoking Ad" which basically says that smoking will eventually turn you into a Terminator.
• A commenter on this Not Always Right story suggests that the reason the customer came to the conclusion that the small drink was bigger than the large was because nothing is bigger than the large and the small is bigger than nothing.
  • An entry on sister site Not Always Legal concerned a drunk man attempting to steal a urinal divider wall from a restaurant bathroom for unknown reasons. One comment tried to trace the man's drunken logic, speculating that, since the wall separates the bathroom from the rest of the world, "if you remove the wall, then everything is the toilet and you can urinate anywhere!"
• Gaming news site Rock Paper Shotgun presents the facts about harmful gaming.
  Nearly twice as many Americans own gun-displaying consoles than those who own the types of guns that require a license and paperwork to purchase. No such paperwork is necessary when buying an Xbox, and yet still teenagers will kill each other in the streets.
• According to Something Awful's "The Learning Triangle", copper is made of circles, which is a lie because the Earth is not round, while triangles make up all other elements as well as mountains and are proof of Jesus.
• In WolframAlpha it is explained why fire engines are red:
  Because they have eight wheels and four people in them, and eight plus four make twelve, and there are twelve inches in a foot, and one foot is a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler, and Queen Elizabeth was also a ship, and ships sail seas, and in the seas are fish, and fish have fins, and Finns fought the Russians, and the Russians are red. That is why the fire engines are red.

Web Video

• The Angry Video Game Nerd delves into this in his review of Hong Kong 97; all of his lines of logic keep coming back to the number 97, and the Nerd wants to know why this keeps happening. The conclusion he reaches is that the game is the meaning of life, and life is reproduction and food, the latter of which becomes excrement. In other words, Hong Kong 97 is "fucking shit".
• Played for laughs by Jeremy Jahns in his rant about the supposed 2012 apocalypse see here: [1]
• Code MENT, like most Abridged Series, lives on this.
  C.C.: You're a whole new level of stupid.
  Lelouch: Ah, but who is more stupid? A person trying to kill themselves, or a person trying to kill a person trying to kill themselves?!
  C.C.: …
  Lelouch: Yeah, that's what I thought.
• In Death Note: The Abridged Series (kpts4tv), after learning his sister is in Los Angeles, Light worries about what might happen to her, having watched movies about what goes on in L.A. Mr. Yagami follows this train of "logic" and concludes that L.A. is going to get invaded by space aliens.
• Decker: During Port of Call: Hawaii, terrorists take over Hawaii while Decker is there. He tries to contact agent Kingston only to find out that he is also in Hawaii:
  Decker: "You mean to tell me Agent Kingston is in Hawaii? That's where the terrorists are. Kingston's working with terrorism."
• French Baguette Intelligence:
  • Fuck Cares claims that a Twitter bio that says '22/Pansexual/Demisexual/Non-Binary/Poly/Artist Currently: In a relationship with 6 partners all long-distance' is code for 'In 2022, I will catch COVID-19 but be asymptomatic', because 'pansexual' and 'demisexual' both contain the word 'sexual', meaning that they cancel each other out, so what is left is 'pan' and 'demi' and as 'demisexual' is the third word, it is code for C (the third letter), meaning that it is code for PanDemiC. 22 refers to the year, while 'non-binary' is used to show the ambiguity of the disease, thus meaning asymptomatic.
  • When Fuck Cares says that Bowl looks like a potato, he responds by saying that 'this potato took the pomme out of pomme de terre' and that Fuck Cares only kept the 'terre' side, meaning that he is actually a carrot because he is 'close to the earth' and no one cares about carrots, except rabbits. He then says that this is the reason why Fuck Cares' girlfriend left him, she was a rabbit all along.
• Title Pending:
  • Near the end of the first episode Alyssa and Cameron convince Bayden that other studios offering 50% money share is a worse deal than 10%, getting your house taken, and working with prison felons.
  • Bayden thinks hanging the WANTED posters with Cameron's face over it and a tiny "for filming" under it is good for getting potential actors in. To Cameron's surprise, he's right.
• In JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Abridged, Joseph finally (not really) figures out the secret of Dio's Stand:
  Joseph: Wait a minute... time! Kronos was the god of time in Greek mythology. Greece won the Euro Cup in 2004. George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004. George W. Bush was impersonated in Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Kal Penn is in Barack Obama's administration. Will Smith looks like Barack Obama. Will Smith's son is going to be in the next Karate Kid — oh my god I got it!!
• Kitboga is a scambaiter popular on Twitch and YouTube. Much of what happens in scams operates on things that don't really make a lick of sense and that the scammers can only get the victims to go along with because they create a sense of urgency. However, possibly the ultimate example of this has to be Sam Johnson and the "Tubs" saga. The scammers tell Kitboga's Granny Edna character that hackers have authorized a $3,000 charge at PornHub on her account. The bank can't remove this because someone on her phone line pressed "2" to authorize it. The only way they can remove the charge is if she goes out purchases Lowe's gift cards to create a "duplicate charge," at which point the bank will flag the charge as being unusual for being a "duplicate" and therefore cancel both charges. This is so ridiculous that Kitboga manages to string them along for nearly an hour claiming not to understand and trying to make them explain. He then misinterpets in the way only he can, by claiming to go to Lowe's, only to instead purchase $3,000 worth of products, including a "drainless bathtub," in order to make a duplicate charge.
• Played for laughs by LoadingReadyRun with Detective Riley, a recurring character who takes one look at a crime scene and uses free-associational logic to determine the culprit. Even though he's always right — the police have already reached the same conclusion through completely rational means.
  Detective Riley: What have we here?
  Officer Rodriguez: A drug deal gone bad. Real bad.
  Riley: Well, the way I see it is this: the last ship that came into port here was the "Queen of Seville." Saint Isidore of Seville, patron saint of the Internet, born in 560 AD — the same year Ethelbert succeeded his father Iormic as King of Kent. Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter, patrols Metropolis as Superman, also known by his Kryptonian name Kal-el. The L Word, popular TV show about lesbians, and who doesn't like lesbians? I'll tell you who — your murderer, Jeff Greenwood, known to the police as Jeffy G.
  Rodriguez: That was fascinating, but... we kinda already knew that. Jeffy G admitted the whole thing on his YouTube channel this morning.
  Riley: Outstanding.
• None Piece: Zoro in Episode 4 while ranting with Buggy DEFINITELY counts.
  *After Buggy has stabbed Zoro in the back*
  Zoro: "DAMMIT! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
  Buggy: "..."
  Zoro: "FUCK! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! GOD!"
  Buggy: "...You cut me into pieces."
  Zoro: "I WAS FUCKING KIDDING! ...FUCK YOU! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"
• The Nostalgia Critic:
  • The critic uses this when he gets a friendly message from The Angry Video Game Nerd to find a hidden code. After ridiculous leaps of logic and cryptography that would make a Dan Brown protagonist proud, he concludes that it's absolutely nothing. Until viewed in a mirror, that is...
  • Done to hilarious effect in Kickassia when the Nostalgia Critic is rallying the others to invade Molassia. He convinces his friends that they want to be like the Nazis right after condemning them for being like the Nazis.
  • Later, Sage uses another variant of this when he comes to the conclusion that holding an Uzi makes you immortal, the reasoning being he's holding one right now and he's still alive. He also claimed smoking was not only healthy for you, but was highly recommended for pregnant women. Though that time he was just holding the chart upside down.
  • Benzaie is French, which is the language of love. Therefore if you can't understand him, you can't understand love.
• Cook St Productions' Pitch Perfect 237, which as the title would suggest, parodies Room 237 (and theories about "hidden messages" in pop culture in general) by using free association to prove that Pitch Perfect is about 9/11 - the analysis kicks off by noting that that the opening scene takes place in New York City and involves one group of nine accapella singers who are dressed somewhat like stewardesses, and another group of eleven singers whose choreography includes Airplane Arms... And that's actually one of the less specious arguments. Along the way, the narrator also makes the offhand claim that actor/singer Harry Connick Jr. is responsible for the terrorist attacks because his birthday falls on September 11th.
• The Rap Critic calls this out in one of his "Worst Lyrics I've Ever Heard" videos.
  Ace Hood: You fall in love with all these bitches that's a no-no! You pillow talking with these hoes, you's a homo!
  Rap Critic: Really now? So talking to a woman is what qualifies you as gay.
  • Cue a skit illustrating the ridiculousness of this.
    Rap Critic: (in bed) Oh my god, baby, I have to tell you, that was some of the best-
    RC (as a woman) Oh my god, my boyfriend's gay!
    RC: (as Ace Hood) HOMO!!! The only three words you should say to a woman in bed after sex are "where's", "my", and "sandwich"!
• In The Abridged Series Scootertrix the Abridged:
  • In episode 4, Applejack goes to crazy lengths to insist she's growing mangoes, not apples.
    Twilight: Applejack! There are apples on your flank! The word "apple" is in your name! You're growing apples!
    Applejack: Oh, no, Twilight. No, you see, my name's just a bad joke.
    Twilight: What?
    Applejack: No, really, it's a pun. Listen: maaaaaaaango. Maaaangoooooooo—
    Twilight: Shut up!
    Applejack: No, it's not a pun, it's something else.
  • Pinkie, of all ponies, indulges in this in episode 13, when trying to explain the disappearing/reappearing racer stickers:
    Pinkie: Well, maybe it's some sort of an... illusion. You know, this one time I thought these trees were llamas, but instead they were just high-powered attorneys.
    Spike: Wow, I... I don't know what to say to that.
• From A Slap On Titan: Carla Yeager was a prostitute and slept with Hannes. Eren wants revenge on the Titans because if they didn't invade Wall Maria she wouldn't have slept with Hannes (and everyone else) years ago. Therefore, it's the Titans' fault.
  Eren: GOD DAMMIT, HANNEEEEEEES!!!
• The Youtube Channel "Spirit Science" is rather infamous for this. He claims that Atlantis was destroyed by Martians, that the fact that there are no records about Akhenaten's family means he was conceived immaculately, that under the Sphinx is a giant underground city which was not unveiled to the public because Paramount Pictures did not have enough money, that a woman in South America used her spirit energy to take a spaceship out of the pyramids to fight The Greys, that the story of the Book of Exodus becomes more believable when you realize that the Hebrews were alien time travelers, and many more claims. All of those are from the same video, by the way.
• This is Akihiko Kayaba's thought patterns for his A God Am I attitude in Sword Art Online Abridged: after spending three weeks without sleep finishing up the game, he learns that there's a bug that accidentally kills players in real life if their characters die in game. Scared that this would harm the game's Metacritic score, he decided the best thing to do was go on a power trip and intentionally get the players killed. When Asuna and Kirito call him out on that, Kayaba admits being sleep-deprived doesn't do wonders for your mental state.
• Totalbiscuit uses troll logic in one of his many sponsored commercials for Squarespace:
  Totalbiscuit: (Reading potential New Years Resolutions for his viewers):...Fix your terrible website. Aha! Now here's something that any idiot could do. "But Totalbiscuit!", you say, "I don't have a website." Oh, don't think you're getting out of this that easily. Zero is still a number, so your website, whether it exists or not, is still terrible. This logic is infallible, because it's based on mathematics, and mathematics can't be wrong. In a similar fashion, you can't go wrong with Squarespace-dot-com-slash-cooptional.
• Ultra Fast Pony:
  • Rarity is making dresses for her friends, and asks Rainbow Dash what she wants her dress to look like:
    Rainbow: I wanna look like my parents.
    Rarity: Well, what do they look like?
    Rainbow: I dunno? I was dead before they were born.
    Rarity: Wait. You were dead before they were born?
    Rainbow: Obviously, if they haven't been born yet, then I must still be dead? Duh.
    Rarity: That's a... interesting ideology.
    Rainbow: Ideology? I'm not Buddhist.
  • As Fluttershy is modeling one of Rarity's dresses:
    Rarity: I own those clothes. You are wearing my clothes. According to proper logic, I own you, so no running away or anything.
• In Young Justice Abridged Episode 11 Part 2, Deathstroke is searching for the Lazarus Pit. He deduces that they are on the coast of England by thinking about coconuts, which grow on islands, and Australia is an island where Deathstroke was from when he was on that island with Oliver Queen, and Australia was populated by England's criminals. However, coconuts aren't indigenous to England and must be brought by swallows which stop to rest on the ocean so therefore the pit is off the coast of England. His thought process ends up making sense when you remember that whenever he sounds like Randy Savage, its because he's hopped up on Cocaine.
• During one part of the Game Grumps playthrough of Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, when Kyoko begins to explain what could have kept the dead body from getting wet, Dan improvises Hiro as saying that it could have been more water. "Like an impenetrable layer of water that the next water couldn't get through."
• The Jolly Roger Telephone Company is a web-based company that provides bots which are designed to waste the time of telemarketers and other unwanted callers, recordings of which are sometimes posted on YouTube. The basic premise of the vacation scam heard in this call is full-on insane troll logic. The pitch is as follows: the person being called has supposedly already paid $698 on a vacation and now they have gone to the "expired accounts department" because they never actually traveled on the vacation. Therefore, the company is offering the opportunity for them to pay the remaining $698 and go on the vacation, with a special offer thrown in. Either that, or if the customer doesn't pay the remaining $698, then the account will instead be sent to collections to collect this remaining $698 that they never paid. As company founder Roger Anderson points out, "So apparently I paid part of a vacation, but I never traveled. So now I'm in 'delinquent status' and I owe the balance. Like, isn't this company better off if they just keep my first payment and I never travel?" Furthermore, how can they claim to have the right to collect anything if they never provided any actual service or product?
• Spirit of the Law's explanation in his overview of the Indians civilization of Age of Empires II as to why the Camels have the Ship armor class up to The Conquerors^note Ever since the Expansion Pack The Forgotten, camels got their own armor class:
  "Ship. Ships are commonly made out of wood. Wood. It's brown, just like camels. "3 Ships" is an album by Yes frontman Jon Anderson. It's also the number of ships that Christopher Columbus on his voyage to the New World. 3. What was the third single from the Black Eyed Peas 2005 album "Monkey Business"? "My Humps". Hump. Camels are famous for their humps. Still don't believe me? Another name for a ship is a boat. Boat. Rhymes with goat. Goats. Are in the biological order Artiodactyla. So are camels."
• Unwanted Houseguest: Doctor Litchfield believes that the elimination of all mental illness is worth the elimination of all creativity and free will.

Other

• TV Tropes: DarthWiki.Not Safe For Work hilariously gives the reader baffling reasons why certain G-rated works are Not Safe for Work.
• This claims that God killed the dinosaurs because they were engaging in homosexual activity. Yeah. NSFW for picture of mating tyrannosaurs.
• Memetic Mutation example: MLG montage parodies have taken a fondness to this sort of reasoning as proof of The Illuminati, often on no greater evidence than a simple triangle shape. Behold.
• An intentional invocation of this is the Troll Physics/Troll Science meme. This consists of utilizing Insane Troll Logic for hilarious effects with science. The page there shows a lot of examples regarding Troll Science.
• SydLexia explains that Duck Tales for the NES is impossible using Zeno's Paradox, then follows up by saying that he is omnipotent, then says he is not omnipotent, and finally concludes with the revelation that this reality is a gigantic lie.
  • Coming up with utterly insane analyses of old video games is a recurring theme on the site (though some of them are more believable than others.)
• The Angels & Demons abridged script provides several examples:
  TOM HANKS looks up ILLUMINATI in the encyclopedia in the VATICAN'S SUPER SECRET LIBRARY.
  TOM HANKS: Hmm, the word Illuminati first appears on page three of this book. Three... the third ninja turtle mentioned in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song is Raphael the first cardinal must be in Raphael's tomb!
  TOM HANKS: Let's see here we're in a tomb. Tomb like Tombstone pizza, which is circular. Circular is the opposite of square.. of course! To Saint Peter's Square!
  TOM HANKS: Condoms... condoms are sometimes called johnnies... John James was the architect that rebuilt St. Mary's Church of course, the third cardinal is in a church!
  AYELET ZURER: WHY THE HELL IS THIS WORKING!?
  AYELET ZURER: Wait let me try one. Okay, so this guy was chained up... chains are often used for construction work... the fourth cardinal is at a construction site!
  TOM HANKS: What? Don't be stupid. The fourth element is water, so he's in a fountain.
• An infamous online commenter known as "Ken M" is notorious for either making statements so stupid that they often aggravate everyone else, or posts that seem like normal requests at first but with an absurd punchline. The best part is how he actually gets company Facebook accounts to reply before trolling them.
  Ken M: Then how come potato is latin for king of the peanuts?

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