"What is this, Wonka, some kind of funhouse?" "Why, having fun?"
When Wonka leads everyone to the Chocolate room.
Wonka: You can't get out backwards. You gotta go forwards to go back. Trust me. Charlie: Hey, the room is getting smaller! Mrs. Teevee: No it's not, he's getting bigger! Veruca's dad: He's at it again. Violet: Where's the chocolate? Grandpa Joe: I doubt there is any chocolate. Veruca's dad: I doubt any of us are gonna get out of here alive.
"I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we've learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest."
Pretty much everything the teacher says, really. Ahem:
Teacher: Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200! Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you would have used up 20% of the 1000 Wonka bars, which is 15% half over again, 10%...
"Of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know then you would be teaching me instead of me teaching you. And for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude, do I make myself clear?"
Charlie: (about Veruca) Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka, Grandpa?
Grandpa Joe: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.'''
In the audio commentary, Paris Themmen (Mike Teevee) goes to some effort to draw attention to this Brick Joke that no one ever seems to notice (Violet calls Veruca a nit and a twit before Joe calls her a nitwit), only to completely miss the punchline because people were talking about Denise's (Violet's) blueberry costume, instead.
Grandpa Joe's thoughts on Veruca during the arrival of the boat.