Funny: Touhou

     Official Touhou Game 

  • From Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream:
    Chiyuri: Do as I say, if you value your life.
    Mima: No. ♥
    Chiyuri: ......... *sweatdrop*
  • Same cutscene, different player character:
    Chiyuri: You'd better do as I say, if you know what's good for you.
    Kotohime: Okay, I will! ♥
    Chiyuri: Couldn't you show a little resistance?
    • Pretty much everything about Kotohime, really. Especially most characters' reactions to her.
    Marisa: ...Princess?
  • In Shuusou Gyoku's Extra Stage, when VIVIT encounters Marisa, Marisa's first line is "Shoot and I'll move!"
    • Marisa reprises the line when encountered in Reimu's storyline of Imperishable Night.
      Marisa: Move and I'll shoot!
      Marisa: I messed up. I mean, "shoot and I'll move". In a flash.
  • And at the end, after VIVIT defeats Reimu:
    Reimu: Wow, you're strong...
    VIVIT: Well, will you listen to my request now?
    Reimu: Guess I've got no choice. ... what are you looking for?
    VIVIT: I have to find the "Holy Grail"! And I have to find it today.
    Reimu: ... what's that.
    VIVIT: You know, that special artifact that's said to have held the blood of the Christ after his crucifixion.
    Reimu: ... who's that?
    VIVIT: *sob sob sob*
  • Cirno in her first appearance:
    Cirno: I'll cryo-freeze you along with some english beef!
    • Cirno's infamous "Icicle Fall" pattern on Embodiment of Scarlet Devil's Easy difficulty. One of the very few spellcards to have a blatant blindspot...which is right in front of her. For this reason, some fans refer to it as "Icicle FAIL".
  • Reimu vs. Chen in Perfect Cherry Blossom:
    Chen: You can't leave once you wander in.
    Reimu: Is that so? By the way, I hear that Mayohiga's items bring you good fortune if you take them home.
    Chen: Yeah, that's true...
    Reimu: Then let the plundering begin!
    Chen: Uh... what!?
    • If the dialogue doesn't get you, Chen's face when she says the last line most likely will.
  • Same game, Sakuya vs. Alice:
    Alice: So, for what reason do you worry? About yourself.
    Sakuya: Because I'm carrying only three changes of clothes. For myself.
    Alice: Ah, good reason.
    Sakuya: That, and a spare set of knives too.
    Alice: Ah, I— KNIVES?!
  • Quite a few bits of dialogue from the Touhou series in general are really amusing. Like this one from Imperishable Night against Reimu:
    Alice: Why the stuttering? Just yell at her like you always do. Bitch, get out of the way! Like that.
    Marisa: No, don't! We'll be in for it if she gets mad!
  • From the same game, there's the choice between each branch, which really encapsulate Marisa's ("Go kick Eirin's ass! (Final A) / Blow up everything you can! (Final B)") and Youmu's ("Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final A) / Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final B)") personalities.
  • And again, Alice and Marisa, in Subterranean Animism:
    Marisa: Whew... This is so hot. So hot I could die!
    Alice: (Are the dolls okay?)
    Marisa: Yeah, but it's so hot I wouldn't be surprised if they burned up.
    Alice: (I think the dolls themselves will be fine, but it would be bad if the gunpowder inside caught fire.)
    Marisa: Why the hell did you stuff gunpowder in 'em?!
    • The entire MAlice scenario in SA was just one hilarious line after another.
      Satori: "Before that, let's search the house...." you think. I won't allow that. Please head to the courtyard immediately.
      Marisa: Damn!
  • Great Fairy Wars. Just about any conversation among the fairies:
    Cirno: Huh, all of you really are here.
    Luna: The three of us are as one!
    Sunny: Though a single arrow is broken easily, if you bundle three together...
    Star: You'll run out of arrows three times as fast! :D
  • This little show of, ehm, teamwork with Reimu and Yukari after beating Keine in Imperishable Night:
    Keine: Tell me, where are you trying to go anyway?
    Reimu: That way.
    Yukari: This way.
    Keine: ... If you're after the ones behind the abnormal moon, it's that way.
    Reimu: Hah, I was right.
    Yukari: Reimu, your finger is off from hers by 70 degrees.
    Reimu: But you're off by 110...
    • There's also the dialogue in the Youmu and Yuyuko scenario:
      Keine: There is nothing around here. Just move along already.
      Youmu: But honestly, we have no clue where we're headed.
      Keine: Are you wandering around without purpose?
      Yuyuko: No, no, Youmu. We're certainly heading in the right direction. All you need to do is follow me.
      Keine: What is your purpose?
      Youmu: To restore the corrupted moon.
      Yuyuko: No, no, Youmu.
      Youmu: Eh!?
      Yuyuko: It's a wonderful midnight snack tour across the land.
      Keine: You two are really suspicious. Even more suspicious than typical ghosts.
      Youmu: Wait, I can't just let you get away with saying that. Ghosts in general aren't suspicious.
      Yuyuko: No, no-
      Youmu: Shut up.
  • Marisa not quite getting it.
    Flandre: I've been in the basement. For about 495 years.
    Marisa: That's sweet, I only get weekends off.
  • Sanae's final battle in Touhou Hisoutensoku ends up with a timed Free-Fall Fight. The funny part is that her opponent is actually waving her arms fast once in a while as if it would slow down the fall!
    • That's just her flying animation. Earth gods aren't very comfortable in the air.
    • Also the fact that up to this point, Sanae believed that she would end up fighting a Humongous Mecha, only to be disappointed when Suwako shows up, stating that the giant is just a useless doll made by the kappas to advertise her temple causing Sanae to demand they fight out of sheer annoyance.
  • Most spellcards are named after historical events or items, or supernatural phenomena. Then you get some that are blatantly a Take That against a character the user doesn't like, such as Reimu's "Exorcism of the Newspaper Subscription Solicitors", which consists of a GIANT seal saying "No News Solicitations! (Thank You)"note , or Mamizou's "Pseudo-Exorcism of the Stupid Shrine Maiden", where she transforms into Reimu and spams her trademark homing bullets... while still having her Tanuki tail!
  • Marisa after fighting and insulting Futatsuiwa:
    Mamizou: You... I shall have my revenge upon you! What is your name?
    Marisa: I'm Reimu Hakurei.
    Mamizou: Marisa Kirisame? I'll remember that.
    Marisa: Hey, go after Miko, not me!
    • Even better, it's a Call Back to Marisa's EX stage run in Embodiment of Scarlet Devil. Flandre asks Marisa her name, and then later reveals that she heard everything that happened upstairs earlier in the game when Marisa tries to lie.
      Flandre: Here I am.
      Marisa: And you are?
      Flandre: Before you ask someone else's name...
      Marisa: Oh, me? I'm Reimu Hakurei. A shrine maiden.
      Flandre: I am Flandre, miss Marisa. (There's no way you could be a shrine maiden.)
      Marisa: And who are you? (Maybe I should have said nurse?)
  • For that matter, the entire Ten Desires extra stage fight is this: Mamizou uses some of the most... interesting danmaku you'll ever see. See for yourself.
  • Miko's third card, where she summons Futo and Tojiko over and over to attack you while not doing a single thing herself. The best part is that Futo and Tojiko will eventually start complaining about it (instead of boasting or threatening you).
  • Mamizou's last word in Hopeless Masquerade, since it has a lot of cartoony sound effects.
    • Her new spellcard in version 1.30 has her turning whoever she is facing into various animals with hilarious results.
  • In Miko's ending in Hopeless Masquerade, she manages to create a perfect Mask of Hope for Kokoro...which is a crude rendering of Miko's own face.

     Touhou Print Works and Media 

  • In Symposium of Post-Mysticism, Miko talks about how Futo used to be scared of Buddhist statues, and responded by lighting them on fire.
    Miko: And then before we knew it, the fire spread to the temple. We definitely went overboard that time...
    Marisa: Uh, that isn't really what you'd call cowardice. (sweatdrop)
    Byakuren: Maybe I should turn everything to stone for fireproofing. And make the statues stone, too...
  • Makoto Hirasaka's Strange and Bright Nature Deity (from Touhou Sangetsusei) has number of funny moments mainly that involves the lifestyle of the three mischievous faeries (Sunny Milk, Luna Child, Star Sapphire):
    • Chapter 1 where the faeries infiltrate the Scarlet Devil Mansion and disguise themselves as maids. (Of course in later chapter it turns out that Sakuya knows this and tries to punish them for it)
    • The 4th chapter involves just two words : Stomach Cleaning.Explanation 
    • Chapter 13 & 14. The trio teams up with Cirno. Especially their prank on Reimu's place.
    • Chapter 19. The three faeries try to scare Reimu.
  • And then comes it's sequel, Oriental Sacred Place:
    • Chapter 1. Reimu suggesting Marisa to go up to the mountain to see some cherry blossom. Cue to Marisa's reply :
      Marisa: What? Go flower viewing with the Tengu? No thanks I rather live...*while shaking her head* note 
      Reimu: I didn't ask you to drink with them.
      • And then when Reimu was going to show Marisa inside the forest as she realize there's still some people go for flower viewing but they found out it was the three mischievous faeries drunk while snoring a bit too loud. What is Reimu's reaction to this? KICK!
      • Reimu's Imagine Bubble towards the three faeries home. Reimu's imagine of Sunny Milk sells it.
        Marisa: No they aren't living up in the tree branches but inside the tree itself.
        Reimu: How did you read my mind?!
    • Chapter 11. The trio decides to swap Reimu's dumplings during the night of the harvest moon with Star Sapphire's poisonous mushroom filled dumplings. It works but was surprise that it was filled with mud dumplings instead and check it out.
      • It turns out that Reimu was keeping the real dumplings to herself as during that time to keep away from tanuki who loves to steal her dumplings during that day itself. This proven to be true when a tanuki who transform into Marisa came (but was given a treat by Reimu regardless the situation). The following day, the faeries wear a badly-made disguise of Marisa, trying to fool Reimu only for the real Marisa to see with a sigh who couldn't believe what they are doing.
      • What the faeries didn't know that Cirno also plan to swap Reimu's dumplings but ends up taking the faeries' dumplings instead. You could pretty much guess what happens next to her knowings who's fault was it.
    • Chapter 12. During new year, the faeries seek help from other youkai to increase Reimu's number of Hakurei Shrine's visitors. This is her reaction even though it did work:
      Reimu: Well the number of visitors certainly has increased but...ARE THERE ANY HUMAN VISITORS?!
    • Chapter 15. One of the rarest time you see Patchouli visits the Hakurei Shrine. This is her reason :
      Patchouli: I was buried and avalanche of books and while such a terrible thing happen to me SOMEONEnote  decides to steal books from me.
      Reimu: Stealing is a terrible habit after all.
  • In the Wild and Horned Hermit manga, there's quite a number of funny moments:
    • The discussion of Gensokyo's energy policy in the second chapter. Made even funnier when you remember how ZUN usually draws inspiration.
      Sanae: True nuclear fusion isn't meant to power hot springs. It's meant to be used to establish a self-sustaining energy source. Do you know where Gensokyo's energy comes from?
      Reimu: From getting your three square meals a day.
      Marisa: And booze.
      Sanae: =.=
    • When Kasen finds a gold nugget in the Hakurei Shrine, she's more shocked by the fact that it's there in the first place than the fact that vengeful spirits were swarming around it.
    • Sanae imagine a certain electric rat before Kasen reveals it is a raijuu.
    • When Reimu and Marisa here rumors of a fortune god blessing a soba shop after visiting it, they get some ideas.
      Marisa: Maybe we can do a little kidnapping huh...?
      Kasen swoops from behind her
      Marisa: (nervously) ... or, you know, just make a nice invitation.
    • ANYTHING involving the nameless Kitsune who transforms into Marisa.
      • During one of Reimu's party, a kitsune transforms into Marisa decides to join in and sleeps over at her place. The next day, when Reimu is still having her hangover, she notice a kitsune but scared it but was still caught in the act despite the kitsune transforming into Marisa again when her ears and tail show up. Luckily Reimu didn't exorcist her since all the kitsune did was drinking. But then Reimu gets an offer from her on how to increase popularity. The following day, Reimu was visited by the number of visitors, which shocked Kasen (who happens to pass by). Unfortunately, a few days later it drains much of Reimu's energy as she didn't expect to have this much of visitors for a long time. But Kasen found out about it and reveals to her (and Marisa who happens to bring her inside the shrine) that this was the cause of the Kuda-gitsune, tube-fox in English. It's effect is great since it uses to mind control people but in return it would drain Reimu's health and money. Realizing her mistake, she tells them the truth about the kitsune. Unfortunately, the kitsune was very sly that she didn't gain anything in the process while Reimu decides to do her exorcist job.
      • The kitsune was shown quite pleased that she fooled Reimu. This doesn't last long when she got tied up by Reimu at the following chapter.
    • Marisa attempts to go to Kasen's place to steal some stuff but ends up getting lost. That is, until she encounters Kasen's pet tiger and attempts to steal it due to its rare pelt.
    • "I don't think they're weak against psychological attacks." *Cue to an image bubble of Kanako, Suwako & Suika*
    • Never EVER PISS OFF Reimu. One of the Yamawaro tells Reimu to get lost since they're not bothering anyone when Reimu accuse them for being the culprit during their ' survival war game'. Sure this is considered a Crowning Moment of Awesome but another Yamawaro was shocked to see who her friend is telling to thinking "Did you really say that to the shrine maiden?" At the end of the chapter, despite the problem being resolved, Reimu is still pissed about not apologizing to her but to the 'victims' and decides to go to war with them.
      • In one of the omake chapters, one of Nitori's friends decide to joing the Yamawaro...only for Reimu to beat her up as she is still pissed regarding the above; converting her back to the kappa.
    • The hobgoblin learns the meaning of fear after staying at Gensokyo for a few days.
    • Anyone who drank the sake using Kasen's special drinking box.
      Marisa: *carries Reimu* Look I can pick you up without breaking a sweat! *Cue to Reimu doing a Dive Kick at her*
      • Let's not forget what happens the next day where everyone who drinks using Kasen's special drinking box behaves like an oni.
    • Kasen happening upon Reimu and Byakuren about to have a duel. She starts loudly cheering for Reimu... before revealing that she bet against her.
      "Reimu always screws up when she gets cocky. There's no safer bet."
    • In chapter 21, Marisa wonders if there's anything special in the SDM's own version of the Setsubun festival note , which consists of eating futomaki while facing east, Sakuya flat out answers that there's no meaning to it. Cue Marisa doing a Face Fault.
    • Chapter 22. Everyone thought that the Kappas sees and capture a manzairaku, a rare fish of good fortune due to it's description but what it actually turns out it's a seal. Cue to Nitori upset about it while one of the kappa was trying to use a light-saber to it, shocking one of her fellow kappa and tries to stop her when the seal is playing with one of her friends.
    • How does Kasen solve the problem when Reimu neglects her duties by doing fortune telling (Which is actually a huge success for her)? Enter herself in Reimu's shrine maiden outfit a.k.a Miko Kasen.
      • Because of that, Reimu's fortune teller popularity drastically decrease since her temple is overrun by youkai. This further adds insult to injury when Miko Kasen shows Reimu her Shrine's been targeted as a youkai gathering... including Seija Kijin whom some of the Touhou cast hates her for being a prankster. Boy this really pissed Reimu as she gets a wake up call of her true purpose.

     Fan Made Media Works and Others 
  • Every single manzai (Japanese stand up comedy) from Touhou M-1 Grand Prix. Currently now its still running as it show its 9th season in 2015. Some of the notable funny comedy skits are:
    • 2nd season's & 7th seasons's PatchuMirinTeam
      • Their second season's Shout-Out of the game Parappa The Rapper.
      • Then seventh seasons preliminary is quite hilarious as it shows their skit (including people you do not wish to invite or do during a person's deathbed)
    • 2nd season's Yakumo Chen (Ran Yakumo & Chen)
      • This is where the famous meme "Cheeeeeeen" comes from.
    • 5th's season's Shutter Girls Team (Aya Shameimaru & Hatate HimeKaidou
      • The quiz game show skit. Sakuya is not amuse in this.
    • 6th's season's Binary Drop Team (Komachi Onozuka & Eiki Shiki)
      • In this skit we learn why Komachi shouldn't be Shiki's backup helper during her concert debut.
      Shiki : (singing) I come to a stand still, to take a look~
      Komachi : Yamaxana~ Yamaxana~
      Both: (while Shiki do a pose) YAMAXANADU!!!
      Shiki : (music put to a stop) SHUT UP!!!!
    • 7th season's Bakusen Nyan Nyan Team (Seiga Kaku and Kasen Ibaraki)
      • Much like the Binary Drop's skit, Seiga tends to do a concert even without censoring the four letter f word from both characters.