Funny: Touhou

     Official Touhou Game 

  • From Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream:
    Chiyuri: Do as I say, if you value your life.
    Mima: No. ♥
    Chiyuri: ......... *sweatdrop*
  • Same cutscene, different player character:
    Chiyuri: You'd better do as I say, if you know what's good for you.
    Kotohime: Okay, I will! ♥
    Chiyuri: Couldn't you show a little resistance?
    • Pretty much everything about Kotohime, really. Especially most characters' reactions to her.
    Marisa: ...Princess?
  • In Shuusou Gyoku's Extra Stage, when VIVIT encounters Marisa, Marisa's first line is "Shoot and I'll move!"
    • Marisa reprises the line when encountered in Reimu's storyline of Imperishable Night.
      Marisa: Move and I'll shoot!
      Marisa: I messed up. I mean, "shoot and I'll move". In a flash.
  • And at the end, after VIVIT defeats Reimu:
    Reimu: Wow, you're strong...
    VIVIT: Well, will you listen to my request now?
    Reimu: Guess I've got no choice. ... what are you looking for?
    VIVIT: I have to find the "Holy Grail"! And I have to find it today.
    Reimu: ... what's that.
    VIVIT: You know, that special artifact that's said to have held the blood of the Christ after his crucifixion.
    Reimu: ... who's that?
    VIVIT: *sob sob sob*
  • Cirno in her first appearance:
    Cirno: I'll cryo-freeze you along with some English beef!
    • Cirno's infamous "Icicle Fall" pattern on Embodiment of Scarlet Devil's Easy difficulty. One of the very few spell cards to have a blatant blind spot...which is right in front of her. For this reason, some fans refer to it as "Icicle FAIL".
  • Reimu vs. Chen in Perfect Cherry Blossom:
    Chen: You can't leave once you wander in.
    Reimu: Is that so? By the way, I hear that Mayohiga's items bring you good fortune if you take them home.
    Chen: Yeah, that's true...
    Reimu: Then let the plundering begin!
    Chen: Uh... what!?
    • If the dialogue doesn't get you, Chen's face when she says the last line most likely will.
  • Same game, Sakuya vs. Alice:
    Alice: So, for what reason do you worry? About yourself.
    Sakuya: Because I'm carrying only three changes of clothes. For myself.
    Alice: Ah, good reason.
    Sakuya: That, and a spare set of knives too.
    Alice: Ah, I— KNIVES?!
  • Quite a few bits of dialogue from the Touhou series in general are really amusing. Like this one from Imperishable Night against Reimu:
    Alice: Why the stuttering? Just yell at her like you always do. Bitch, get out of the way! Like that.
    Marisa: No, don't! We'll be in for it if she gets mad!
  • From the same game, there's the choice between each branch, which really encapsulate Marisa's ("Go kick Eirin's ass! (Final A) / Blow up everything you can! (Final B)") and Youmu's ("Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final A) / Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final B)") personalities.
  • And again, Alice and Marisa, in Subterranean Animism:
    Marisa: Whew... This is so hot. So hot I could die!
    Alice: (Are the dolls okay?)
    Marisa: Yeah, but it's so hot I wouldn't be surprised if they burned up.
    Alice: (I think the dolls themselves will be fine, but it would be bad if the gunpowder inside caught fire.)
    Marisa: Why the hell did you stuff gunpowder in 'em?!
    • The entire MAlice scenario in SA was just one hilarious line after another.
      Satori: "Before that, let's search the house...." you think. I won't allow that. Please head to the courtyard immediately.
      Marisa: Damn!
  • Great Fairy Wars. Just about any conversation among the fairies:
    Cirno: Huh, all of you really are here.
    Luna: The three of us are as one!
    Sunny: Though a single arrow is broken easily, if you bundle three together...
    Star: You'll run out of arrows three times as fast! :D
  • This little show of, ehm, teamwork with Reimu and Yukari after beating Keine in Imperishable Night:
    Keine: Tell me, where are you trying to go anyway?
    Reimu: That way.
    Yukari: This way.
    Keine: ... If you're after the ones behind the abnormal moon, it's that way.
    Reimu: Hah, I was right.
    Yukari: Reimu, your finger is off from hers by 70 degrees.
    Reimu: But you're off by 110...
    • There's also the dialogue in the Youmu and Yuyuko scenario:
      Keine: There is nothing around here. Just move along already.
      Youmu: But honestly, we have no clue where we're headed.
      Keine: Are you wandering around without purpose?
      Yuyuko: No, no, Youmu. We're certainly heading in the right direction. All you need to do is follow me.
      Keine: What is your purpose?
      Youmu: To restore the corrupted moon.
      Yuyuko: No, no, Youmu.
      Youmu: Eh!?
      Yuyuko: It's a wonderful midnight snack tour across the land.
      Keine: You two are really suspicious. Even more suspicious than typical ghosts.
      Youmu: Wait, I can't just let you get away with saying that. Ghosts in general aren't suspicious.
      Yuyuko: No, no-
      Youmu: Shut up.
  • Marisa not quite getting it.
    Flandre: I've been in the basement. For about 495 years.
    Marisa: That's sweet, I only get weekends off.
  • Sanae's final battle in Touhou Hisoutensoku ends up with a timed Free-Fall Fight. The funny part is that her opponent is actually waving her arms fast once in a while, as if it would slow down the fall!
    • That's just her flying animation. Earth gods aren't very comfortable in the air.
    • Also the fact that up to this point, Sanae believed that she would end up fighting a Humongous Mecha, only to be disappointed when Suwako shows up, stating that the giant is just a useless doll made by the kappas to advertise her temple, causing Sanae to demand they fight out of sheer annoyance.
  • Most spell cards are named after historical events or items, or supernatural phenomena. Then you get some that are blatantly a Take That against a character the user doesn't like, such as Reimu's "Exorcism of the Newspaper Subscription Solicitors", which consists of a GIANT seal saying "No News Solicitations! (Thank You)"note , or Mamizou's "Pseudo-Exorcism of the Stupid Shrine Maiden", where she transforms into Reimu and spams her trademark homing bullets...while still having her tanuki tail!
  • Marisa after fighting and insulting Futatsuiwa:
    Mamizou: You...I shall have my revenge upon you! What is your name?
    Marisa: I'm Reimu Hakurei.
    Mamizou: Marisa Kirisame? I'll remember that.
    Marisa: Hey, go after Miko, not me!
    • Even better, it's a Call Back to Marisa's EX stage run in Embodiment of Scarlet Devil. Flandre asks Marisa her name, and then later reveals that she heard everything that happened upstairs earlier in the game when Marisa tries to lie.
      Flandre: Here I am.
      Marisa: And you are?
      Flandre: Before you ask someone else's name...
      Marisa: Oh, me? I'm Reimu Hakurei. A shrine maiden.
      Flandre: I am Flandre, Miss Marisa. (There's no way you could be a shrine maiden.)
      Marisa: And who are you? (Maybe I should have said nurse?)
  • For that matter, the entire Ten Desires extra stage fight is this: Mamizou uses some of the most... interesting danmaku you'll ever see. See for yourself.
  • Miko's third card, where she summons Futo and Tojiko over and over to attack you while not doing a single thing herself. The best part is that Futo and Tojiko will eventually start complaining about it (instead of boasting or threatening you).
  • Mamizou's last word in Hopeless Masquerade, since it has a lot of cartoony sound effects.
    • Her new spell card in version 1.30 has her turning whoever she is facing into various animals, with hilarious results.
  • In Miko's ending in Hopeless Masquerade, she manages to create a perfect Mask of Hope for Kokoro...which is a crude rendering of Miko's own face.
  • In Urban Legend in Limbo, during the final scenario, Reimu attempts to take the main antagonist, Sumireko, into protective custody. However, Sumireko misinterprets this as an attempt to kill her, so she attempts to self-destruct and destroy Gensokyo's barrier.
    Sumireko: Ah, what a beautiful death. What a worthwhile death.
    Reimu: It's not beautiful at all!

     Touhou Print Works and Media 

  • In Symposium of Post-Mysticism, Miko talks about how Futo used to be scared of Buddhist statues and responded by lighting them on fire.
    Miko: And then before we knew it, the fire spread to the temple. We definitely went overboard that time...
    Marisa: Uh, that isn't really what you'd call cowardice. (sweatdrop)
    Byakuren: Maybe I should turn everything to stone for fireproofing. And make the statues stone, too...
  • Makoto Hirasaka's Strange and Bright Nature Deity (from Touhou Sangetsusei) has number of funny moments that mainly involve the lifestyle of the three mischievous faeries (Sunny Milk, Luna Child, Star Sapphire):
    • Chapter 1 where the faeries infiltrate the Scarlet Devil Mansion and disguise themselves as maids. (In a later chapter, it turns out that Sakuya knows about this and tries to punish them for it.)
    • The 4th chapter's moment involves just two words: Stomach Cleaning.Explanation 
    • Chapters 13 & 14. The trio teams up with Cirno. Their prank on Reimu's place is especially fun.
    • Chapter 19. The three faeries try to scare Reimu.
      • "I didn't even do anything..."Explanation 
      • The badly made ''rokurokubi'' (Japanese long-neck ghost) that they use to try to scare Reimu...in broad daylight. Cue Reimu tossing the broom at Sunny Milk. Poor girl.
  • And then comes its sequel, Oriental Sacred Place:
    • Chapter 1. Reimu suggests that Marisa go up the mountain to see some cherry blossoms.
      Marisa: (While shaking her head) What? Go flower-viewing with the Tengu? No thanks, I'd rather live... note 
      Reimu: I didn't ask you to drink with them.
      • Reimu is about to show Marisa inside the forest, as she realizes there's still some people going for flower-viewing but they discover it's the three mischievous faeries, drunk and snoring a bit too loud. Reimu's reaction: KICK!
      • Reimu's Imagine Bubble about the three faeries' home. Her image of Sunny Milk in particular sells it.
        Marisa: No, they aren't living up in the tree branches, but inside the tree itself.
        Reimu: How did you read my mind?!
    • Chapter 11. During the night of the harvest moon, the trio decides to swap Reimu's dumplings with Star Sapphire's poisonous mushroom-filled dumplings. It works, but they discover their stolen dumplings are filled with mud.
      • It turns out that Reimu was hiding the real dumplings to protect them from a tanuki who loves to steal her dumplings during that day of the harvest moon. The fairies see this for themselves when the tanuki shows up disguised as Marisa (though Reimu gives her a treat anyway). The following day, the faeries wear a badly made disguise of Marisa, trying to fool Reimu, only for the real Marisa to spot them and sigh in disbelief.
      • Unknown to the trio, Cirno also plans to swap Reimu's dumplings but ends up taking their dumplings instead. Knowing whose fault it was, you can guess what happens to her next.
    • Chapter 12. During new year, the faeries seek help from other youkai to increase the number of visitors to the Hakurei Shrine.
      Reimu: Well the number of visitors certainly has increased, but...ARE THERE ANY HUMAN VISITORS?!
    • Chapter 15. In an incredibly rare occurrence, Patchouli visits the Hakurei Shrine.
      Patchouli: I was buried by an avalanche of books, and while I was facing such a terrible fate, SOMEONEnote  decided to steal books from me.
      Reimu: Stealing is a terrible habit after all.
  • In the Wild and Horned Hermit manga, there's quite a number of funny moments:
    • The discussion of Gensokyo's energy policy in the second chapter. Made even funnier when you remember how ZUN usually draws inspiration.
      Sanae: True nuclear fusion isn't meant to power hot springs. It's meant to be used to establish a self-sustaining energy source. Do you know where Gensokyo's energy comes from?
      Reimu: From getting your three square meals a day.
      Marisa: And booze.
      Sanae: =.=
    • When Kasen finds a gold nugget in the Hakurei Shrine, she's more shocked by the fact that it's there in the first place than the fact that vengeful spirits were swarming around it.
    • Sanae imagines a certain electric rat before Kasen reveals it is a raijuu.
    • When Reimu and Marisa hear rumors of a fortune god blessing a soba shop after visiting it, they get some ideas.
      Marisa: Maybe we can do a little kidnapping, huh...?
      Kasen swoops in behind her
      Marisa: (nervously) ...or, you know, just make a nice invitation.
    • ANYTHING involving the nameless Kitsune who transforms into Marisa.
      • During one of Reimu's parties, a kitsune decides to join in, transforms into Marisa, and sleeps over at her place. The next day, when Reimu is still hungover, she notices the kitsune and scares her. The kitsune transforms into Marisa again, but is caught when her ears and tail show. As all the kitsune has done is drink, Reimu doesn't exorcise her. She then offers to increase Reimu's popularity. The following day, Reimu has a number of visitors, which shocks Kasen (who happens to be passing by). However, Reimu hasn't expected this many visitors for a long time, and within a few days, she's drained of much of her energy. Kasen learns and reveals the cause: the Kuda-gitsune ("tube-fox"). Its effect is great since it uses mind control on people, but in return, it drains Reimu's health and money. Realizing her mistake, Reimu tells them the truth about the kitsune. Unfortunately, the kitsune is very sly, so Reimu gains nothing even when she exorcises it.
      • The kitsune was shown quite pleased that she fooled Reimu. This is short-lived, as Reimu ties her up in the following chapter.
    • Marisa attempts to go to Kasen's place to steal some stuff, but ends up getting lost...until she encounters Kasen's pet tiger and attempts to steal it due to its rare pelt.
    • "I don't think they're weak against psychological attacks." (Cue an image bubble of Kanako, Suwako & Suika)
    • Never EVER piss off Reimu. One of the Yamawaro tells Reimu to get lost, since they're not bothering anyone when Reimu accuses them of being the culprits during their "survival war game". Sure, this is considered a Crowning Moment of Awesome, but another Yamawaro is shocked to see who her friend is talking to. ("Did you really say that to the shrine maiden?") At the end of the chapter, despite the problem being resolved, Reimu is still pissed about them apologizing not to her but to the "victims", and she decides to go to war with them.
      • In one of the omake chapters, one of Nitori's friends decides to join the Yamawaro...only for Reimu to beat her up (as she is still mad), converting her back to a kappa.
    • The hobgoblin learns the meaning of fear after staying in Gensokyo for a few days.
      Marisa: (Hefts Reimu) Look, I can pick you up without breaking a sweat! (Reimu dive-kicks her)
      • The next day, everyone who drinks using Kasen's special drinking box behaves like an oni.
    • Kasen happens upon Reimu and Byakuren about to have a duel. She starts loudly cheering for Reimu...before revealing that she bet against her.
      "Reimu always screws up when she gets cocky. There's no safer bet."
    • In chapter 21, Marisa wonders if there's anything special in the SDM's own version of the Setsubun festival note This consists of eating futomaki while facing east, which Sakuya flat out states is meaningless. Cue Marisa doing a Face Fault.
    • Chapter 22. Everyone thinks that the Kappa have seen and captured a manzairaku, a rare fish of good fortune, due to it's description, but it turns out to be a seal. The seal then starts playing with one kappa, causing another to whip out a light saber, just in case.
    • When Reimu neglects her duties to do fortune-telling instead (to great success), Kasen has a solution: Dress herself in Reimu's shrine maiden.
      • Before that, Reimu cheerfully declaring the gods are real. This despite having personally beaten the crap of at least three (Sanae, Kanawo, and Suwako) and, y'know, being a shrine maiden.
      • Reimu's success as a fortune teller is partly based on the fact she continuously drops hints to visit the Hakurei Shrine with all the subtlety of a brick to the face. Kasen is puzzled by Reimu's sheer greed despite the fact she is, technically, doing her actual job as a shrine maiden.
      • As a result, Reimu's temple becomes overrun by youkai, drastically reducing her popularity as a fortune teller. Kasen adds insult to injury by showing Reimu her shrine's been targeted as a gathering spot for youkai...including Seija Kijin, whom much of the Touhou cast hates for being a prankster. Thoroughly upset, Reimu gets a wake-up call to her true purpose.

     Fan Made Media Works and Others 
  • Every single manzai (Japanese stand up comedy) from Touhou M-1 Grand Prix. Currently in its 9th season as of 2015. Some of the notable funny comedy skits are:
    • 2nd season's & 7th season's PatchuMirinTeam
      • Their second season's Shout-Out to the game Parappa The Rapper.
      • Then seventh season's preliminaries include a hilarious skit about, among other things, people you do/do not wish to invite or to a person's deathbed)
    • 2nd season's Yakumo Chen (Ran Yakumo & Chen)
      • This is where the famous meme "Cheeeeeeen" comes from.
    • 5th's season's Shutter Girls Team (Aya Shameimaru & Hatate HimeKaidou
      • The quiz game show skit. Sakuya is not amused by this.
    • 6th's season's Binary Drop Team (Komachi Onozuka & Eiki Shiki)
      • In this skit, we learn why Komachi shouldn't be Shiki's backup during her concert debut.
      Shiki : (singing) I come to a stand still, to take a look~
      Komachi : Yamaxana~ Yamaxana~
      Both: (while Shiki strikes a pose) YAMAXANADU!!!
      Shiki : (music put to a stop) SHUT UP!!!!
    • 7th season's Bakusen Nyan Nyan Team (Seiga Kaku and Kasen Ibaraki)
      • Much like Binary Drop's skit, Seiga tends to do a concert, but without censoring the F word from both characters.