- This scene:
- This discussion:
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
(Nordberg nods in agreement)
- The Brick Joke leading the villain to be killed by a lion.
- When Ed reveals to the party guests that Police Squad has obtained a confession implicating the Big Bad.
Ed Hocken: And he's just given us a signed confession implicating that man!
(Ed points to the audience, various men stand up and take a hostage)
Ed Hocken: No, no! That man, Hapsburg.
(the men look embarrassed, release their hostages and sit down again)
- The bomb scene.
- Bodies are all over the building.
- "The truth hurts Hapsburg! Maybe not as much as jumping onto a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!"
- Capped by Hapsburg's WTF?!? reaction.
- And of course, Nordberg trying to plant a tracking bug under the van of one of a Mook only for said mook to get in the van and take off with Nordberg still under it before Nordberg even has a chance to attach the bug to the vehicle; Nordberg sliding out from under the van, down a hill, and under Frank and Ed's own cop car, throwing off their pursuit of the villain—though luckily they end up catching him anyway—and Nordberg has all manner of nasty objects hit his groin as Ed drives the car with Nordberg unwittingly trapped under it; Ed stopping suddenly when he catches the villain and Nordberg sliding out from under the car and getting stuck under a bus that's on its way to Detroit from Washington DC and Nordberg screaming "Oh no!" as the bus leaves.
Frank: Detroit? What's he doing there? Well, send him some plane fare and a new pair of pants!
- "All right. Who else is almost dead?" (wounded Mook meekly raises his hand)
- And of course, what immediately follows:
Frank: All right... (growls) TALK.
Mook: You're too late, Drebin.
Frank: He already said that.
Mook: Where did he leave off?
Frank: Uh, "Hapsburg has Plan B in..."
Mook: Oh yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... (chokes) in...
Frank: Where? WHERE?! (growls) TALK, you lowlife scum!
Mook: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it! (dies)
- This exchange from the bar scene.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Give me the strongest thing you've got.
Waiter: *signals for bodybuilder*
Lt. Frank Drebin: On second thought, how about a black Russian.
Waiter: *looks at camera, shakes head*
- The hitman sent to kill Jane sings "The Way We Were" along with her in the shower.
- Drebin and Jane get into an argument. Twice he blocks her slaps, then somehow a third hand slaps him.
Jane: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
- This bit, after Drebin is tied up by Hapsburg:
Hapsburg: I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
Drebin: The pleasure's all mine. (Hapsburg looks confused)
- During the ending shootout, Nordberg continues adding onto his gun, and as the scene goes on he continues making it bigger and bigger up until the end where by this point it's a giant turret.
- When Hapsburg takes Jane hostage, Frank, Ed, and Nordberg attempt to come to her rescue only to wind up sliding on past the two of them thanks to the floor being waxed.
Jane: Oh Frank, we're no good together. You only live for your police work.
Frank: And you're always trying to save the endzone layer.
Jane: Ozone layer. You never did understand.
Frank: How can you say that, when I bought 1,000 acres of Brazilian jungle, then had it slashed and burned, so we could build our dream house?
Jane: (aghast) Frank! How could you be so insensitive?
Frank: "Insensitive"?! You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime!
- In the red light district's sex shop:
Frank: Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.
Monique De Carlo: Is this some kind of bust?
Frank: ...Well, it's very impressive, yes.
- In the same scene, Ed starts a device like a chainsaw. He quickly realizes that he's holding a vibrating dildo and puts it down.
- And this exchange:
Monique De Carlo: Why should I tell you, copper?
Frank: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[Male assistant comes out of the back room.]
Male assistant: Oh hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that Model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered!
Frank: ...It's a gift.
- Frank heads over to Jane's table, and his sense of direction is thrown off by having to dodge other patrons. He sits at a table...
Frank: This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just need someone to hold, to love.
(Frank looks over to see that Jane's at another table)
Jane: Over here.
(Frank looks at the table he sat at, where a menacing burly guy is staring him down)
- When there's a tip that Hector Savage is at Monique Di Carlo's shop on Bleckman Street:
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's a red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
- Hapsburg introducing The Redmond family, who are his friends from out of town.