Drebin — impersonating Enrico Pallazzo — mangles the American National Anthem: "Whose bright stripes and broad stars... through the perilous... night... o'er the ramparts we watched... *gibberish*". Made even funnier by the fact that the real Pallazzo is forced to watch it on TV as he's tied up in bed.
Thanks to Super Bowl XLV (and many other events before it), this scene has become even more Hilarious in Hindsight.
Drebin pays a dock worker for information. The dock worker then pays him to find out why he wants to know. It gets funnier from there.
And if you do the math, Drebin earns $20 from it in the end.
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy. Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos, dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards! That's my policy! Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
A Crowning Moment of Heartwarming which became a Crowning Moment Of Ridiculous:
One of the sports announcers is wide-eyed and shakes his head in disbelief, while the other is laughing.
The mechanical piano episode.
Not long after that:
Frank: I was up in Ludwig's office last night.
Jane: Oh how nice! Did he show you his collection of priceless Ming vases and rare oil paintings?
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! DON'T FIRE THE GUN WHILE YOU'RE TALKING!"
Frank and Jane put on full-body condoms before having sex.
"Say, nice beaver!"
"Thank you, I just had it stuffed."
Nordberg telling the seven armed goons to drop their guns. And one of them does, earning incredulous looks from several of the others.
And the other goons then proceeding to shoot Nordberg, Nordberg surviving and remaining conscious only for him to suffer all sorts of bizarre and hilarious injuries—including getting hit with a wedding cake and then stepping into a bear trap—before falling off the boat and into the water(and still surviving only to suffer yet more injuries in the hospital, first when Frank goes to visit him and then when Frank goes to stop a hypnotized doctor from assassinating him).
His poor attempts to comfort Mrs. Nordberg.
Mrs. Nordberg's snot.
Drebin climbs in a car to chase a would-be murderer... and realizes too late that it's a Driver's Ed car.
Frank thinks Jane is set him up with one of Ludwig's assassins and dumps her:
Drebin: Oh and by the way... I faked every orgasm.
Frank trying to give back a garter he thought belonged to Jane.
"Ed, he's got a picture of your wife!"
"Anyone else seen his wife?"
Drebin's worst case of Drives Like Crazy when violently parks his car triggering the airbags which end up putting the car in drive which almost runs him down. He shoots at his own car and forces some bystanders to give statements which probably ruin their day.
Frank and Jane exit a cinema laughing... after watching Platoon!
Their whole "falling in love" montage, and they only met yesterday. Set to "I'm Into Something Good," by Herman's Hermits, for extra goofiness.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago. Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis. Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati. Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly. Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin. Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South. Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia. Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing. Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy. (Nordberg nods in agreement)
The Brick Joke leading the villain to be killed by a lion.
When Ed reveals to the party guests that Police Squad has obtained a confession implicating the Big Bad.
Ed Hocken: And he's just given us a signed confession implicating that man! (Ed points to the audience, various men stand up and take a hostage) Ed Hocken: No, no! That man, Hapsburg. (the men look embarrassed, release their hostages and sit down again)
And of course, Nordberg trying to plant a tracking bug under the van of one of a Mook only for said mook to get in the van and take off with Nordberg still under it before Nordberg even has a chance to attach the bug to the vehicle; Nordberg sliding out from under the van, down a hill, and under Frank and Ed's own cop car, throwing off their pursuit of the villain—though luckily they end up catching him anyway—and Nordberg has all manner of nasty objects hit his groin as Ed drives the car with Nordberg unwittingly trapped under it; Ed stopping suddenly when he catches the villain and Nordberg sliding out from under the car and getting stuck under a bus that's on its way to Detroit from Washington DC and Nordberg screaming "Oh no!" as the bus leaves.
Frank: Detroit? What's he doing there? Well, send him some plane fare and a new pair of pants!
Mook: Oh yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... (chokes) in...
Frank: Where? WHERE?! (growls) TALK, you lowlife scum!
Mook: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it! (dies)
This exchange from the bar scene.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Give me the strongest thing you've got.
Waiter: *signals for bodybuilder*
Lt. Frank Drebin: On second thought, how about a black Russian.
Waiter: *looks at camera, shakes head*
The hitman sent to kill Jane sings "The Way We Were" along with her in the shower.
Drebin and Jane get into an argument. Twice he blocks her slaps, then somehow a third hand slaps him.
Jane: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
This bit, after Drebin is tied up by Hapsburg:
Hapsburg: I want the pleasure of killing you myself. Drebin: The pleasure's all mine. (Hapsburg looks confused)
During the ending shootout, Nordberg continues adding onto his gun, and as the scene goes on he continues making it bigger and bigger up until the end where by this point it's a giant turret.
When Hapsburg takes Jane hostage, Frank, Ed, and Nordberg attempt to come to her rescue only to wind up sliding on past the two of them thanks to the floor being waxed.
Jane: Oh Frank, we're no good together. You only live for your police work. Frank: And you're always trying to save the endzone layer. Jane: Ozone layer. You never did understand. Frank: How can you say that, when I bought 1,000 acres of Brazilian jungle, then had it slashed and burned, so we could build our dream house? Jane: (aghast) Frank! How could you be so insensitive? Frank: "Insensitive"?! You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime!
In the red light district's sex shop:
Frank: Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad. Monique De Carlo: Is this some kind of bust? Frank: ...Well, it's very impressive, yes.
In the same scene, Ed starts a device like a chainsaw. He quickly realizes that he's holding a vibrating dildo and puts it down.
And this exchange:
Monique De Carlo: Why should I tell you, copper? Frank: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town. [Male assistant comes out of the back room.] Male assistant: Oh hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that Model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered! Frank: ...It's a gift.
Frank heads over to Jane's table, and his sense of direction is thrown off by having to dodge other patrons. He sits at a table...
Frank: This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just need someone to hold, to love. Jane: Frank. (Frank looks over to see that Jane's at another table) Jane: Over here. (Frank looks at the table he sat at, where a menacing burly guy is staring him down) Frank: ...Well.
Lt. Frank Drebin: I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there (the Red Light district).
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
Naked Gun 33⅓
The parody opening. The fight scene is hilariously over-the-top, and played totally straight in the Naked Gun style, with lots of little jokes thrown in everywhere. All the while, Captain Hocken struggles to pull out his gun and Nordberg references OJ Simpson's football career by trying to spike a baby. And then come the postal workers...
One of the prison guards, played by none other than R. Lee Ermey, discovers a note from one of the inmates while they're all in the cafeteria. Another inmate tries to stop Ermey's character from reading the note and Ermey barks in his trademark Drill Sergeant Nasty tone of voice: "Buzz off, Buttercheeks!"
Drebin and Rocko digging their way out of prison and finding themselves in the yard of a public school, where everyone promptly pulls out guns and tries to shoot them to bits.
Including two academic nerds and a jock.
The reprise of the TV series "Cigarette?" "Yes, I know." Running Gag.
Drebin is trying to find someone to call for reinforcements, and works his way down a row of waiting cab-drivers, all of who babble at him in various foreign languages. The last cabbie is revealed to be a black guy wearing an African-themed outfit. Frank stares at him for a moment, says "Forget it." and runs off. The cabbie, speaking with a flawless British accent: "I wonder what the devil he wanted!"
"And for his tale of genetics gone haywire in a retirement community, Steven Spielberg, "Geriatric Park."
The entire "This Could Be the Start of Something Big" sequence.
Right after that, he finds out Anna Nicole Smith's Character has a penis.
"Looks like Phil Donahue throwing up in a tuba."
"Somebody make a note: I don't think we should have Phil Donahue back next year".
Ed convinces Frank to take the case, even though he's retired:
Ed: Frank, think of all the crime out there. Nobody is safe. You'd be protecting Jane; you'd be protecting all the Janes of the world! Besides, you haven't shot anybody in six months. Frank: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things. Might be good to feel that cold, hard steel pressed against my thigh once again: The thrill of the chase, to be a man!
Frank meets Rocko and his accomplice, Tyrone, in jail.
Tyrone: Take it from me. This place changes a man. Frank: Oh yeah, in what way? Tyrone: I used to be white. [Beat] I was a drummer for The Osmonds. Rocko: Screw with me, and he'll make you feel pain like you never felt before. Frank: I know, I remember the Osmonds!