Funny: The Naked Gun
The Naked Gun
- "Hey! It's Enrico Pallazzo!!"
- Drebin — impersonating Enrico Pallazzo — mangles the American National Anthem: "Whose bright stripes and broad stars... through the perilous... night... o'er the ramparts we watched... *gibberish*". Made even funnier by the fact that the real Pallazzo is forced to watch it on TV as he's tied up in the locker room.
- The press conference where Drebin forgets to turn off his microphone before going to the bathroom. Even funnier now that this has happened in real life.
- Drebin pays a dock worker for information. The dock worker then pays him to find out why he wants to know. It gets funnier from there.
- And if you do the math, Drebin earns $20 from it in the end.
- $20 that Drebin lent to the dock worker so he can pay Drebin.
- And if you do the math, Drebin earns $20 from it in the end.
- This scene, a reference to Dirty Harry:
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side last year. That's my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos, dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards! That's my policy!
Mayor: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
- A Crowning Moment of Heartwarming which became a Crowning Moment Of Ridiculous:
Drebin: The problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans, but this is our hill and these are our beans.
- The baseball bloopers which featured a player getting mauled by a tiger.
- The mechanical piano episode.
Frank: I was up in Ludwig's office last night.Jane: Oh how nice! Did he show you his collection of priceless Ming vases and rare oil paintings?
- Not long after that:
- "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! DON'T FIRE THE GUN WHILE YOU'RE TALKING!"
- Frank and Jane put on full-body condoms before having sex.
- "Say, nice beaver!"
- "Thank you, I just had it stuffed."
- Nordberg telling the seven armed goons to drop their guns. And one of them does, earning incredulous looks from several of the others.
- And the other goons then proceeding to shoot Nordberg, Nordberg surviving and remaining conscious only for him to suffer all sorts of bizarre and hilarious injuries—including getting hit with a wedding cake and then stepping into a bear trap—before falling off the boat and into the water(and still surviving only to suffer yet more injuries in the hospital, first when Frank goes to visit him and then when Frank goes to stop a hypnotized doctor from assassinating him).
- His poor attempts to comfort Mrs. Nordberg.
- Mrs. Nordberg's snot.
- Drebin climbs in a car to chase a would-be murderer... and realizes too late that it's a Driver's Ed car.
- "It's okay. Now normally, you would not be going sixty-five down the wrong way of a one-way street..."
- "Gently extend your arm... Extend your middle finger... Very good. Well done."
- "Alright! Move along! THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE!"
- Frank thinks Jane is set him up with one of Ludwig's assassins and dumps her:
Drebin: Oh and by the way... I faked every orgasm.
- Frank trying to give back a garter he thought belonged to Jane.
- "Ed, he's got a picture of your wife!"
- "Ethel!" *POW!*
- "Anyone else seeing his wife?"
- Drebin's worst case of Drives Like Crazy when violently parks his car triggering the airbags which end up putting the car in drive which almost runs him down. He shoots at his own car and forces some bystanders to give statements which probably ruin their day.
- Frank and Jane exit a cinema laughing... after watching Platoon!
- Their whole "falling in love" montage, and they only met yesterday. Set to "I'm Into Something Good," by Herman's Hermits, for extra goofiness.
- The villain dies by falling off the upper deck of a baseball stadium, getting hit by a bus, smushed by a steamroller, and finally trampled by a marching band playing "Louie, Louie".
Ed: Oh, Frank! Itís horrible. Itís so horrible!Drebin: I know...Ed: My father went the same way!
- Frank cleaning out his desk.
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!Frank: Well, uh... [[quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]]
Frank: (annoyed) What is it, Al?!
- In a deleted scene, Frank briefly goes into a fit and trashes his desk, including scratching it repeatedly. Al approaches:
Al: That's my desk. You're over there.
- Frank's about to leave the force, but not without delivering this gem perfectly:
Frank: Just think; next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
The Naked Gun 2Ĺ
Commissioner: He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh my god!Frank: Good evening Commissioner, you're looking lovely tonight.Commissioner: Do you realize that because of you, this city is being overrun by baboons?Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters? (the movie is set in Washington D.C.)(The hired band plays a Rimshot while the commissioner stands there with a look of angry shock fixed on her face)
- The bomb scene.
Janitor: Hey Al, Ken! Look at this! I found it in the wastebasket.
(he pulls out some dynamite with a ticking timer on it.)
Al: Hey, that's a pretty nice clock! I wonder why they threw it out.
Ken: It's probably because it's four minutes too slow. Here, lemme fix it.
(he sets the "clock" to 12)
- Bodies are all over the building.
- This exchange from the bar scene.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Give me the strongest thing you've got.Waiter: *signals for bodybuilder*Lt. Frank Drebin: On second thought, how about a black Russian.Waiter: *looks at camera, shakes head*
- At the bar:
Frank: Ed, is it just my imagination, or is the whole world crazy?
Ed: No, it's just a small percentage of the population, Frank.
(a waiter turns around and walks away, revealing he's not wearing pants or underwear)
- Frank heads over to Jane's table, and his sense of direction is thrown off by having to dodge other patrons. He sits at a table...
Frank: This is not easy for me to say. I'm lonely, I'm lost, I just need someone to hold, to love.
(Frank looks over to see that Jane's at another table)
Jane: Over here.
(Frank looks at the table he sat at, where a menacing burly guy is staring him down)
- This scene:
Sam: Of course. [Plays a major intro arpeggio, and then...] DING DONG! The witch is dead! Which old witch? The wicked witch!"
- Drebin and Jane get into an argument. Twice he blocks her slaps, then somehow a third hand slaps him. Frank is just as confused as the audience.
Jane: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.
Jane: Oh Frank, we're no good together. You only live for your police work.
Frank: And you're always trying to save the endzone layer.
Jane: Ozone layer. You never did understand.
Frank: How can you say that, when I bought 1,000 acres of Brazilian jungle, then had it slashed and burned, so we could build our dream house?
Jane: (aghast) Frank! How could you be so insensitive?
Frank: "Insensitive"?! You think it's easy displacing an entire tribe? You try it sometime!
- "I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!" (everyone in the bar looks at him) "I mean, at the time I was dating a lot."
- This discussion:
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
Ed Hocken: You sure know your boxing.
Lt. Frank Drebin: All I know is never bet on the white guy.
(Nordberg nods in agreement)
- When there's a tip that Hector Savage is at Monique DiCarlo's shop on Bleckman Street:
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's a red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.
- In the red light district's sex shop:
Frank: Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.
Monique De Carlo: Is this some kind of bust?
Frank: ...Well, it's very impressive, yes.
- In the same scene, Ed starts a device like a chainsaw. He quickly realizes that he's holding a vibrating dildo and puts it down.
- And this exchange:
Monique De Carlo: Why should I tell you, copper?
Frank: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people of this town.
[Male assistant comes out of the back room.]
Male assistant: Oh hi, Frank. Say, we finally got that Model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine that you ordered!
Frank: ...It's a gift.
- And of course, Nordberg trying to plant a tracking bug under the van of one of a Mook only for said mook to get in the van and take off with Nordberg still under it before Nordberg even has a chance to attach the bug to the vehicle; Nordberg sliding out from under the van, down a hill, and under Frank and Ed's own cop car, throwing off their pursuit of the villain—though luckily they end up catching him anyway—and Nordberg has all manner of nasty objects hit his groin as Ed drives the car with Nordberg unwittingly trapped under it; Ed stopping suddenly when he catches the villain and Nordberg sliding out from under the car and getting stuck under a bus that's on its way to Detroit from Washington DC and Nordberg screaming "Oh no!" as the bus leaves.
Frank: (later, on the phone) Detroit? What's he doing there? Well, send him some plane fare and a new pair of pants!
- The commissioner yells at Frank for his actions for releasing all the animals from the city zoo.
Commissioner: Do you realize that because of you, the city is overrun by baboons!
Frank: (confused) Well, isn't that the fault of the voters? (Rim Shot)
- The hitman sent to kill Jane sings "The Way We Were" along with her in the shower.
- Hapsburg introducing The Redmond family, who are his friends from out of town.
- This bit, after Drebin is tied up by Hapsburg:
Hapsburg: I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
Drebin: The pleasure's all mine. (Hapsburg looks confused)
- Ed is fed up with criminals after seeing Meinheimer beat up (really Frank's accidental doing):
Ed: I just can't take this anymore. (to mook) Garbage like you just makes me sick. Okay? I'm just John Q. Public now, it's just you and me. (pulls out a badge and bra from his jacket) Mano a mano. I'll teach you to pick on a helpless invalid...
(fight sounds are heard as Frank and Nordberg wince)
Frank: All right, all right, he's had enough!
(it turns out the mook beat up Ed)
Frank: Somebody help the Captain. We've got to get to that Press Club dinner.
Man: (lifting Ed) Jeez, this guy's heavy...
- When Ed reveals to the party guests that Police Squad has obtained a confession implicating the Big Bad.
Ed Hocken: And he's just given us a signed confession implicating that man!
(Ed points to the audience, various men stand up and take a hostage)
Ed Hocken: No, no! That man, Hapsburg.
(the men look embarrassed, release their hostages and sit down again)
- When Hapsburg takes Jane hostage, Frank, Ed, and Nordberg attempt to come to her rescue only to wind up sliding on past the two of them thanks to the floor being waxed.
- During the ending shootout, Nordberg continues adding onto his gun, and as the scene goes on he continues making it bigger and bigger up until the end where by this point it's a giant turret.
- "All right. Who else is almost dead?" (wounded Mook meekly raises his hand)
Frank: All right... (growls) TALK.Mook: You're too late, Drebin.Frank: He already said that.Mook: Where did he leave off?Frank: Uh, "Hapsburg has Plan B in..."Mook: Oh yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... (chokes) in...Frank: Where? WHERE?! (growls) TALK, you lowlife scum!Mook: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it! (dies)
- And of course, what immediately follows:
- "The truth hurts Hapsburg! Maybe not as much as jumping onto a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!"
- Capped by Hapsburg's WTF?!? reaction.
- The Brick Joke leading the villain to be killed by a lion.
Naked Gun 33⅓
- The parody opening. The fight scene is hilariously over-the-top, and played totally straight in the Naked Gun style, with lots of little jokes thrown in everywhere. All the while, Captain Hocken struggles to pull out his gun and Nordberg references OJ Simpson's football career by trying to spike a baby. And then come the postal workers...
- The reprise of the TV series "Cigarette?" "Yes, I know." Running Gag.
- Ed convinces Frank to take the case, even though he's retired:
Ed: Frank, think of all the crime out there. Nobody is safe. You'd be protecting Jane; you'd be protecting all the Janes of the world! Besides, you haven't shot anybody in six months.
Frank: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things. Might be good to feel that cold, hard steel pressed against my thigh once again: The thrill of the chase, to be a man!
- At the fertility clinic, Frank jacks off to porn to produce sperm samples for hours. He finally emerges from the room with tons of jars filled with sperm, looking disheveled and with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.
Frank: Tape was very entertaining.
Nurse: (weirded out) ...Follow me.
- Frank meets Rocco and his accomplice, Tyrone, in jail.
Tyrone: Take it from me. This place changes a man.
Frank: Oh yeah, in what way?
Tyrone: I used to be white. [Beat] I was a drummer for The Osmonds.
Rocco: Screw with me, and he'll make you feel pain like you never felt before.
Frank: I know, I remember the Osmonds!
- One of the prison guards, played by none other than R. Lee Ermey, discovers a note from one of the inmates while they're all in the cafeteria. Another inmate tries to stop Ermey's character from reading the note and Ermey barks in his trademark Drill Sergeant Nasty tone of voice: "Buzz off, Buttercheeks!"
- Drebin incites a prison riot by complaining about the fancy food. The wine is supposed to be chilled, not room temperature!
- Jane is approached by a creep outside a bar:
Guy: How about a kiss?
Guy: I know when a woman says "no", she really mean "yes". So how about that kiss?
Guy: (offended) What do you mean "no"?! I know your type!
- After the guy is killed by a semi, Jane's friend repeatedly shakes Jane, which causes Jane's hair to radically change hairstyles every time she stops.
- Drebin and Rocco digging their way out of prison and finding themselves in the yard of a public school, where everyone promptly pulls out guns and tries to shoot them to bits. Including two academic nerds and a jock.
- When Frank first meets Rocco's mom, he narrates, "Rocco's mother was quiet. I sensed she didn't like me coming along." Immediately after, Rocco's mom gives Frank the finger through the rear view mirror. Then Frank narrates again, "Like a midget at a urinal, I would have to stay on my toes."
- "Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things through."
- Rocco is shorter than his girlfriend.
- Drebin is trying to find someone to call for reinforcements, and works his way down a row of waiting cab-drivers, all of who babble at him in various foreign languages. The last cabbie is revealed to be a black guy wearing an African-themed outfit. Frank stares at him for a moment, says "Forget it." and runs off. The cabbie, speaking with a flawless British accent: "I wonder what the devil he wanted!"
- "And for his tale of genetics gone haywire in a retirement community, Steven Spielberg, "Geriatric Park."
- The entire "This Could Be the Start of Something Big" sequence.
- Right after that, he finds out Anna Nicole Smith's Character has a penis.
- "Looks like Phil Donahue throwing up in a tuba."
- "Somebody make a note: I don't think we should have Phil Donahue back next year".
- Right after that, he finds out Anna Nicole Smith's Character has a penis.
- When Rocco finds out Frank is a traitor:
Rocco: Lousy two-bit copper punk! I treated him like my brother!... the one I didn't kill.
- Rocco fires his gun in the air from the stage of the Oscars ceremony:
Rocco: Freeze, and nobody gets hurt!
[a grip falls from the rafters into the orchestra pit]
Rocco: Well... from now on!
- When Ed and his team enter the control room during the song-and-dance number that Drebin infiltrated:
Ed: We're here to stop a disaster!
Director: (distraught) You're too late for that.