When Craig Ferguson says what's on his mind (which is frequently), it tends to go here.
March, 2009: Craig finds out how highly he rates in a Canadian magazine's poll for "which late night talk show host would you sleep with" (he leads with a whopping 74%). Now normally, this would go in the Awesome section, but then Craig does this at the end of the show.
July 31, 2009: This sketch, which is basically a storm of Sean Connery jokes but manages to get impossibly funny. "I'm STANDING on water and I got a HAT on top of my HAT!"
September 4, 2009: This email from "Joe Bob" in Hicksville, Kentucky...and Craig's response to it.
July 19, 2011: Geoff's response when asked if he ever smoked.
"Actually I did smoke once...then I died. See? See? CBS cares."
A recent episode featured a monologue discussing Dick Cheney's new book. Geoff claims that he's a big follower of politics, so Craig asks him if he's Republican or Democrat.
"I'm a gay robot skeleton."
November 10, 2011: Larry King (of all people) fills in as Geoff's temporary personality and voice. The entire Letters segment was a riot, and even Craig had a hard time keeping it together.
Larry King Geoff: I walked the streets of Manchester when I was a human, when I was a normal Jew, just walking the streets. I was not a robot. Craig: This is either the worst or best idea I've ever had in my [ĦAY CARAMBA!] life.
May 16, 2012: Craig visits his old school and comments on some graffiti. (See Sound Effect Bleep on the main page.)
Craig: And it seems like the children enjoy the same style of artwork that we enjoyed when we were little, too. You see, this is a (haggis!), these are (whiskey!), this is (breenge!) flying (shortbread!) *beat* (Shut yer face!), this individual's (Dumbledore!)
June 27, 2012: Geoff and Craig do impressions of each other during the monologue.
August 29, 2012: It's the third episode on Craig's new set at Studio 56 and in the Tweets and E-Mails segment, a person asks why Secretariat's barn area is shown with daylight and the city behind Craig's desk is nighttime.
Whenever the audience seems to be getting a bit emotional over some of the remarks he makes towards his sidekicks, Craig will assert that they're merely conventions of the show to make everything funnier. Eventually reaches it's peak after a variant of the "What Did We Learn on the Show Tonight, Craig" intro didn't do well with a lot of people. It went roughly like this;
"We had to change that one. Because a lot of people didn't like the fact that the cat ascended to Heaven. It's not a real cat. It's a drawing of a cat. [Geoff] is an appliance, [Secretariat's] not a real [ĦAY CARAMBA!] horse! I DON'T EXIST!"
March 15, 2013: Before the show the producer, Michael, made a joke to the effect of "You know how yesterday was Pi Day, well today's Friday", so Craig spends a third of monologue just shitting all over Michael for trying to be helpful.
September 9th, 2013: "The Price Is Right and my penis are very different of course! One's been around for over 50 years but Drew Carey made it bigger than ever....." Craig doesn't even finish that joke.