Taskmaster S11-S15 / Funny

Taskmaster Funny Index
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Series 11

In General

The running gag of Charlotte Ritchie having the look and general vibe of a primary school teacher/children’s tv presenter.
Jamali opting for a Boring, but Practical item for every prize task.
Greg: If you win the series based on this technique, it's gonna be a hollow crown.
The fact that Mike provided more than half of the series' episode titles^note with his utterly bizarre quotes.
Lee's persona throughout the series gradually becomes akin to that of a grumpy, stingy northern farmer constantly yelling at his hideously underpaid employee (Alex).

It's Not Your Fault

Mike submits as his inaugural prize entry a 'facts about animals' song.
Mike: Facts about animals.
Prawns are cannibals.
If there's an elephant in the room, then you're in the wrong room.
Cutting an earthworm in half, makes you a sadist.
I think it's worth repeating, that prawns eat their babies.
And monkeys eat monkeys, but who gives a monkey's? (Monkeys)
And if you squash a wasp, it releases a chemical in the wasp, that attracts...
People who tell you facts about wasps.
Lee attempts to make a 'feast' under the table without looking. After knocking over most of the things he'd prepared, he ends up serving an open can of fizzy drink and a mushy lump of bread and banana. Remarkably, he scores three points.
- From the same task, Mike tries to play the Taskmaster theme tune one handed on a balalaika.
  Greg: You're the only person I know who would play a balalaika under a table and I wouldn't doubt for a second that you arrived on set with a balalaika.
  Sarah: I thought it was Thunderstruck.
  Jamali: It's kind of like a horror film in the Kremlin.
Charlotte is startled by the remote-controlled rat carrying the second task of the episode and jumps even after recognising that it is a toy rat.
The plate task at the airplane hangar:
- Jamali decides to wrap up the plates of one table in the tablecloth and carry the tablecloth like a sack over his shoulder. Unfortunately, he fails to secure the bottom and a plate falls. The funny part is that even though he sees this, he continues scootering over to the destination table, by which time all the plates from that first table have fallen out and shattered.
- Charlotte being unable to contain her excitement while riding around on the different modes of transport, frequently saying things like 'Whee!' and 'Woo!'.
- Mike on the hoverboard, desperately clutching a pile of plates to his chest. Made better by the incidental music paired with his attempt.
The sheer anarchy of the studio task, as Jamali kicks off a free-for-all where the contestants throw buckets and bean bags at each other rather than trying to complete the task at hand. Made even more hilarious in contrast to the first live task of the previous Series, where four people are offering to help one another out... and the lone victor was the one "selfishly" concentrating on completing the task at hand, much like Sarah does here.

The Lure of the Treacle Puppies

When Charlotte introduces her prize:
'It's a good prize! It's a good prize! It's a good prize!'
♫"And she added historical information!"♫
The first task is to make a helium-filled balloon "hover" between one's neck and waist whilst sneering at the camera for 20 seconds. The balloon is initially presented on a clothesline just above the contestants outdoors. Lee, however, does not realise that the balloon is bobbing just above his head for quite a while.
The introduction to the first team task of the series is quite possibly the finest microcosm study of the psychological paranoia and compulsive second-guessing that the show can induce in contestants. Jamali Maddix and Sarah Kendall meet in a park and are asked to stand on two red boxes, with the task being located on a third, identical, box. Alex tells them not to move and will not hand them the task. So they immediately start brainstorming how they can form some kind of rope or pulley system to grab and reach the task, apparently not stopping to consider the possibility that they might be in a team of three and the third person just hasn't shown up yet. Sure enough, Jamali strips his shoelaces out and Sarah pulls the belt off her jumpsuit fully intending to tie them together. As Alex hesitantly asks if they can't think of a simpler option, Charlotte Ritchie — said third member — can be seen walking up behind them happily oblivious to this madness.
Charlotte cheerfully walks up
Sarah: (Awkwardly holding two belts in her hands) Oh...
- Said team task is also hilarious. The task is to have an argument, delivering every sentence in less than ten words and ending with a four-letter word. Lee and Mike's argument degenerates into Lee offering to show Mike his genitals, while Charlotte's opening argument is 'You drive quite well' and Jamali dissolves into speaking nonsense (for example, ending one sentence with an inexplicable 'town' and claiming it is a slang word).
- This line from Mike while brainstorming four-letter words:
  Mike: My head is filled with the word 'duck', and there's no other words.
  [Later on during the task]
  Mike: You got a face like a duck!
The haunted house task.
- In preparation, Jamali asks for 'lots and lots of big string'. This starts a running gag in the studio about the scariness of string. Jamali suggests that he was actually trying to buy all the string in the shops because the scariest thing is the shop running out of string.
- The episode title comes from Mike's chosen incentive for Alex to enter an obviously haunted talking house surrounded by 'hemisected' bodies.
In the stage task, Mike admits that he drinks 37 pints of milk a month.

Run Up A Tree To The Moon

From the prize task (Most Shocking Thing (That Is Bigger Than A Cat But Smaller Than A Pig):
Greg: What's with the whole "cat-pig" thing?
Alex: It's so they know what size thing to bring in.
Greg: [Beat] People say I bully you, but I think it's deserved.
Lee Mack's prize task entry, a plastic baby's head on a dog plush's body. Alex reads a (real!) Amazon review for the baby's head: 'Just what we needed for our holidays; well made, good quality.'
From the first task to make some sauna stones sizzle:
- Jamali's frustration with Alex taking too long to bring him items - happens twice, once with a balloon (Alex asks 'What colour?') and again with a calendar (Alex asks 'Does it matter what pictures it has on it?'). Greg agrees with him in the studio how annoying it is.
- Mike's repeated use of the word 'luzzer'.
- Also from Mike, in the studio:
  Mike: It's bamboo o'clock, tick-tock.
- Charlotte believing she can run faster than gravity.
In the 'create a new way of remembering the number of days in each month' task:
- Jamali struggles to remember Greg's name, as well as anything he's been in besides The Inbetweeners. He then leaves Greg a long voicemail where he just tells him how many days are in each month. And somehow manages to score four points!
- Mike's mnemonic.
  Mike: June's 30 samurai nobbled April. Julie Mailed Jan's Aged Mum 31 Dead Orangutans. ...Fresh 28.
Mike and Lee's gloriously coordinated mimes of nursery rhymes in the stage task. Despite the video's title saying otherwise, the failure is more on Greg's part. Greg's incompetence in this task is either frustrating or hilarious; he takes a whole minute to guess 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', despite it being glaringly obvious to everyone else, and initially guesses 'Three Blind Mice' as 'Blind Anus'. During the other team's go, Greg's failure to guess gets so frustrating that Lee openly declares that, while he still wants to win, he feels genuinely bad for them.

Premature Conker

As her prize submission for 'craziest thing', Charlotte Ritchie claims that she's been to all of the last four presidential inaugurations. They are eventually revealed to be Photoshop fakes, but Greg believes it for a moment, and the craziness of that gets her four points. As Charlotte begins her reveal, Alex is clearly holding back laughter.
The 'get this banana into the bottle' task provides a lot of innuendo imagery:
- During the task, Lee grabs a food processor... which he proceeds to use as a bowl, instead of using it to puree the banana.
- Also during that task, the contrast between Lee and Jamali's approaches to the task.
- Mike adds another catchphrase to his repertoire:
  Mike: Skin time.
The sheer cruelty of this episode's team task:
- The task is to get a bag of salt from one table to another. Mike and Lee do so effectively and quickly. Then, during the team of three's turn, they struggle; Mike and Lee seem to have it in the bag. However, some spilled salt flies into Sarah Kendall's mouth, she realizes that it tastes sweet and is therefore actually sugar, and the team of three discovers the real bag of salt is in fact under the table. Charlotte mentions in the studio how, while watching Mike and Lee's attempts, she felt the same smugness Alex must always feel during all of these trick tasks.
- Sarah's dramatic discovery of the salt/sugar trick gets an action replay in the studio.
- Mike's response to all of this is simply, "What they can't take away from me is that I had an absolutely lovely day."
From the "get the toilet roll as far away from the house" task:
- The task is printed on a sheet of toilet paper. Four of the contestants successfully retrieve it. Lee, who had some banana on his helmet as a result of the first task, wipes it off with the task paper and almost throws it away. Alex has to reattach the task with a safety pin.
- Lee also does some 'lateral thinking' - the toilet roll cannot leave the toilet roll holder, so he unfixes the holder from the wall and gives it to someone in their car. The show then cuts to an advert break; and when they return, it's revealed that while Lee was detaching the holder, he removed the roll from the holder to make it easier, instantly disqualifying himself. Jamali then reveals that during the break, Lee had told him that he couldn't help but feel that his attempt had been too perfect and that something was amiss.
Mike's guesses for what is in his bowl during the studio task include 'a premature conker' (hence the title) and 'a dead jellyfish'.

Slap and Tong

Alex introduces the clingfilm task:
Alex: This task is all about my favourite film; Cling.
- Mike and Charlotte continuing to mess around wearing the clingfilm once the task is over; Charlotte rolls on the ground despite never being instructed to, while Mike does a 360 jump and falls over.
The bee uniform task is a strong contender for funniest task of the series:
- Even the intro, where Mike walks in wearing a (mandatory for the task) beekeeper uniform. Greg admits for a moment he genuinely thought Mike had just decided to turn up in that.
- Charlotte, Jamali, and Sarah all planned to make a beekeeper costume, but they end up becoming a ghost from A Christmas Carol (Jamali), a 'draconic commandant' with a whip (Sarah), and, perhaps best of all, the Pope (Charlotte), complete with six slippers, one for each foot.
- Greg questions Charlotte as to whether the pope’s outfit can be referred to as a ‘uniform’. He states that no one in the world has ever called it that. This prompts the normally smiley, easy-going Charlotte to snarkily ask Greg if he has, in fact, asked everyone in the world.
- Lee makes 'Beevel Knievel', a stunt bee, cleverly using a frozen pea as the helmet. He then tries to make Beevel jump eighteen small buses. Beevel completely misses the ramp on the first try, and even on further tries continues to fail. (Lee still deservedly gets the five points though.)
- A quote from Mike during the task:
  Alex: What's in your wheelhouse, Mike?
  Mike: Afternoon naps... breakfast...
- Charlotte comments after the task when all five bees are shown that it looks like they're all part of one big bee family.
The third task involves the contestants having to put into order an assortment of objects according to the number of sides they have. The contestants must be wearing a pair of darkness goggles throughout the task, and they are only allowed to touch the objects with their face. If anything falls off the table, then they are disqualified.
- Charlotte struggles to read ‘disqualified’ and Alex keeps making reference to it throughout the task.
- Immediately after being presented with the task, Mike calls it 'face-based geometry'. He then expands on this in the studio, explaining that he does face-based geometry two times a week with his kids, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- Greg stating that primary school teacher Charlotte has returned.
  Greg: And you’re over here near Jelly!
- Greg acquires a particular fondness for a clip of Lee knocking the jelly off the table with his tongue, and the sound he makes doing it.
- Jamali knocks one of the objects off the table fairly early into the task. He then proceeds to shove everything else off the table with his face. He also ends up basically deep-throating a jelly pentagon at one point.
- Sarah repeatedly losing the egg.
- The darkness goggles the contestants wear make for some interesting facial expressions. Particularly when paired with Mike holding a banana in his mouth. Said darkness goggles also demonstrate Mike's thought processes.
  Mike: I was told to trust my instincts, but my instincts are telling me to squeak like a bat.
From the stage task:
- Mike's weird and hilarious crab-like movements, which successfully put Jamali off.
- Lee effortlessly grabbing the marshmallow from Charlotte right as she is in the middle of saying “I’m going to get you.”
- Charlotte gets the last laugh of the task though. After everyone else took their time to grab their marshmallow or used some form of a gimmick, Charlotte wins her turn by quickly grabbing her marshmallow immediately after being given the go-ahead.

Absolute Casserole

The opening gag between Greg and Alex about family photos might be the most hilariously awkward and stilted introduction they've ever had.
Mike is given the task to fart as fast as he can. He then proceeds to do what is essentially yoga for hours on end, until Alex has to stop him because he needs to film other tasks. Then, after Mike finishes the deep-fried batter task, he makes another attempt to fart — and ends up letting out a 'squealch' noise, which turns out to be him dislodging a hemorrhoid. During Mike’s explanation of what occurred, everyone in the studio is equal parts sympathetic and grossed out... except for Sarah, who is killing herself laughing. Then he says this and everyone loses their whole shit.
Mike: It's still flapping about to this day.
Greg: It's still loose?
Mike: Oh, it's an absolute casserole down there.
The Running Gag of Jamali stomping on things very hard:
- During the first task, he stomps on the paint bottles so hard that he ends up smearing the caravan and driveway in paint.
- Ends up doing the above again for the team task as one of the techniques of vandalizing a wall.
- In the live task, the contestants need to unlock a toolbox in order to complete the task. Even though Greg and Alex drop hints about the combination, Jamali just gives up and manages to break the toolbox open by stomping hard on it.
Jamali's painting from that first task prompts the following observation from Greg. Amazingly, he managed to get the 5 points:
Greg: Jamali, you seem to have misunderstood the task as being 'Draw a portrait of Greg after his house has been hit by a drone strike.'
The ‘vandalize a wall’ task:
- Lee wants to make it absolutely clear that Mike was the one to write ‘Street Tough’ on the wall. Mike owns it though and calls it his ‘sweet tag’.
- Charlotte flings a paint-covered ball at the wall, only for it to bounce back and hit Jamali straight in the groin. Charlotte’s response is to gleefully cheer "Epic!" In the studio, Charlotte clarifies that she has no idea why she said that since it must have been quite painful for Jamali.
From the "identify the objects in the batter" task:
- All of the contestants agreeing that the batter smells of batter.
- Charlotte, preparing to bite into one of the batter parcels, says she hopes it's a brownie, and then considers that they might have put leather in there, but then decides that no, they wouldn't do that. Then she bites into it... it's a leather wallet.

You've Got No Chutzpah

Charlotte trying to describe how her wall-reader invention works.
In the first task:
- Whenever the contestants get an instruction wrong, whatever they did instead pops up on screen with a 'bzzz' sound effect.
- Sarah decides she has to 'yell at a zebra'.
  Sarah: Ah, you fucking zebra!
- Charlotte drops the lemon in the Ribena.
- Lee can only remember the word 'attack' from the instructions, and thus proceeds to attack everything. He gets 4 points and comes 3rd.
- Mike, 'undermining the vole':
  Mike: You've got no chutzpah! Your organisational skills are lackluster, your timekeeping is abysmal.
The 'babushka meal' task:
- Before the task even starts, Charlotte opens the matryoshka doll with a 'boing!', which Greg calls an obvious sign of her true calling as a children's TV presenter.
- Sarah brainstorming:
  Sarah: An avocado, a lime... no, you're going to have to eat it... (pause) Yes, a lime!
- Also, her sheer glee while Alex is actually eating her meal. Greg also points out that the chef is demonstrating the intricacies of her creation... by poking through all the food.
- Jamali pouring soup into his meal.
- Lee including (strawberry-flavoured) jelly in his to 'freshen the palette'.
- While cooking her meal, Charlotte forgot to turn the heat on. She also has to look away when Alex compares the tableau of the chocolate egg inside the bell pepper as looking like an animal's anus defecating.
During the alarm task:
- Charlotte, Jamali, and Sarah decide to say the colours of the stepping-stones as they step on them, starting with 'white'. There is a beautiful bit of dramatic irony, as the viewers already know from Lee and Mike beforehand that the alarm goes off if you say a word containing the letter 't'. Hence all three of them step off the platform at the same time, say 'white', and immediately set off the alarm.
- Greg mocking Charlotte’s use of the phrase “what’s the situation?” and Charlotte conceding that it sounds like a bad script line.
  Lee: It would be a line that if you wrote in a script somebody'd say "Well you can't have that, no-one ever says 'what's the situation.'"
Mike in the stage task, tipping almost everything out of his bucket at once just as the task ends.
As episode winner Lee Mack goes to collect his prizes (best thing to put on a wall), all of the others' things are on one wall, and he disregards them. Then, he looks across to the second wall with delight to see his prize submission, a massive upright bed, and ecstatically wriggles into it.

An Orderly Species

Alex's introduction. He goes into a planned bit about having had a birthday, when Greg interrupts him, and, based on suggestions from Charlotte, Mike, and Sarah, forces Alex to sing a funk song and do a disco-breakdance inspired by the division of North and South Korea.
For the prize task, the contestants have to bring in the best wobbly thing. Greg immediately declares anyone who brought in jelly will receive no points. Only for the first three submissions to all include jelly.
- Jamali starts a mini-rant about how Greg gets him in trouble for not putting a lot of effort in and so he actually tried for this prize, only for his attempt to be thrown out the window.
- Lee goes into a sweet story about his daughter saying how wobbly his belly is and suggesting taking that in. Lee tells his daughter that he can’t take his belly as a prize but what he could do is bring in a mould of his belly ... a mould made from jelly.
- Charlotte hesitates to say anything and her hesitation makes it immediately clear that she too has brought jelly.
The first recorded task is to eat three poppadoms, blow up a balloon bigger than your head, and then gift wrap the balloon. All while saying "metronome" between the beats of an actual metronome.
- Sarah manages to blow the balloon to the proper size but ends up popping it. She asks for another one and manages to blow that one up too... only to accidentally let it go and have it go whizzing around within the last few seconds of the task.
- While trying to scarf down the poppadoms, Lee comments on how dry they are and requests water. The mixture of water and poppadoms ends up pouring down his face as he continues to say "metronome". He then indignantly reminds Alex that he has a BAFTA - in a tone that screams "why did I sign up for this show?".
- Charlotte starts off saying "metronome" without issue but then stumbles and laughingly questions what she’s supposed to be saying as she starts in on what sounds like "metramome". In the studio, Alex tells Charlotte that she eventually seemed to devolve into saying "met your mum."
The fact that the show went so far as to create 3D models of the horrifying 'British wildlife' created by the contestants in the team task. Greg starts breastfeeding one of them.
The contestants have to put together airplane safety demonstrations in an accent or language that is not their own.
- Before even reading the task, Charlotte continues her audition to be a children's TV presenter:
  Charlotte: (ecstatically) I'm in a plane!
- Jamali initially looks like he speaks a decent amount of French, only for it to quickly be made clear that it's not the case as he shifts from random French phrases to English to nonsense and back again. Highlights include the word 'aircrafty' and devolving into just asking basic questions in French:
  Jamali: (English subtitles) What is your name? How old are you?
  - When the task is over, the English dialogue between Jamali and Alex is subtitled in French.
- Lee uses an Australian accent and launches into a fatalistic speech that emphasizes how slim the chances are for survival if something does go wrong.
- Charlotte channels Lorraine Kelly and a Blue Peter presenter for her announcement. In the studio, she's so mortified by her performance that she curls up into a ball and hides behind her hands.
  Charlotte: Clap with me! Click with me!
- Sarah, who cannot do any accents at all, just screams gibberish.
- Mike, meanwhile, strings together enough GCSE German to create a coherent announcement. It’s revealed however that this task took place about an hour before Mike’s farting disaster. Mike then calls his clip "the last recorded footage of my tushy in its sweetest era."

Mr Octopus and Pottyhands

Mike's pathetic 'backup rainbow' during the weather task, made of three coloured strips of gaffer tape.
- Jamali's attempt at making realistic weather is to set the model on fire then bury it in an avalanche of gravel. Only realistic if it's the apocalypse, alright.
During the yoghurt tower task:
- Alex proves particularly irritating throughout the task, especially for Sarah Kendall:
  Sarah: Why didn't that work?
  Alex: It wasn't built very well.
- In the studio, Sarah calls Alex a bitch, and Greg modifies this to make him 'a punk ass bitch'.
- Another good quote from the yoghurt tower task:
  Alex: It looks like you've got a plan.
  Jamali: Yep.
  Alex: ...Have you got a plan?
  Jamali: Nope.
- Sarah sees a fleck of white in the '2' square on the grid. She isn't sure if it's yoghurt or bird poo, so to find out, she tastes it. Thankfully, it is yoghurt.
- Mike's yell as his yoghurt fails to hit the target, which is roundly mocked in the studio:
  Mike: Get yourself to a safe space!
All of the photographs from the spinning camera task, but especially:
- Mike as a cat and the fact he shouted "Meow" despite not needing to.
- Lee as a woman on a cow and her boyfriend "Melon Breast Lobster Penis"
- Sarah's photographs 'telling a story' about a struggling author who grows her hair too long, becomes a professional tennis player, and then dies.
- This is one of the (many) tasks during which Jamali visibly could not give a shit; his first picture is him as a builder, and then the next three are him with no other changes than him with a bowler hat and a stick (apparently a rich white guy); him with no hat and a different stick (a rich guy playing golf) and him just with his glasses off.
- Naturally, two of Charlotte's characters are perfect for her future children's TV series (leading to the Title Drop from Greg). Another one is a T-shirt, leading Greg to dub the character as "Boring T-Shirt Girl"... something which backfires on him when Charlotte notes that this is just how she normally dresses when not working.

Activate Jamali

The prize task, which is to bring in something that would make the owner look "hard":
- Mike brings in his own hair... which he'd shaved into a mohawk. This act of madness naturally earns him five points, along with the incredulity of the entire panel.
  Mike: Tick tock, it's tough guy o'clock.
- Sarah is dubbed "picnic girl" for her own crushingly sensible option, a backpack filled with survival supplies in case of the apocalypse. The best part is, despite being the only person who brought in anything that would look remotely sane at a picnic, she initially doesn't realise that the nickname is being applied to her. Her voice when she says "I'm picnic girl?!" is filled with pure indignation. Also, when Greg first dubs Sarah "picnic girl", he is talking about her to Charlotte — the only other woman present. Someone's in a wee bit of denial, it seems.
In the "make the scariest dinosaur with only a photocopier" task:
- Jamali reveals that he'd intended to give his dinosaur the face of the host of the show... only to have forgotten who it was and confused Greg with Dara O Briain. Greg, naturally, is utterly unimpressed and tests Jamali by demanding that Jamali name him. Jamali, of course, does so... but then immediately admits that he'd actually blanked a bit under the pressure and temporarily forgotten it.
- At the beginning of that task, Sarah accidentally fires a staple into Alex's upper lip.
In the task to guess the weight of Alex's head and feet:
- While reading the task, Charlotte puts her burgeoning career in children's television at risk by making an off-colour joke when asked to weigh Alex's head and feet:
  Charlotte: I thought I could just go "waaaay!" (Waggles hands around Alex's head) Remember that joke?
  Alex: No. How does that joke go?
  Charlotte: It's okay. (Pauses for a second and looks at the task, but then, as if she physically can't stop herself.) It's a joke where somebody says "Have you ever had your boobs weighed?", and then you go "No" and they go "Waaaay!" (Wiggles hands around Alex's chest area, as if groping)
  Alex: We can do that with my head if you want.
  Charlotte: That's what I was going for. Also, not everyone can do that joke. Just to make that clear.
  Alex: Right.
  Charlotte: Close friends. (An awkward pause; Charlotte sheepishly gets up and leaves)
- She brings the children’s tv presenter back quite quickly though: when talking about weight distribution, she says that it’s probably not evenly spread amongst your head, shoulders … knees, and toes.
- When asked to weigh Alex's head and feet, Sarah finds a watermelon and decides to use it as a comparison for Alex's head. A sound and reasonable (if imperfect) decision. For his feet, she decides to use... fish-fingers. Less sound and reasonable.
The team task, which requires one team member to use a megaphone to guide his or her teammate(s) across a golf course to a specific location, saying three words every 30 seconds:
- A minor issue of clarity becomes clear when reading the task; when Lee reads that he is expected to direct Mike onto "the red circle", he is initially confused because he can't see the actual circle and Mike is already standing on one, leading him to initially think that the task has already been done.
- Lee's guiding of Mike is mostly efficient and effective. However, he does misjudge Mike's ability to get himself out of a small sand bunker, resulting in Mike absolutely stacking it and doing an impressive pratfall back into the bunker, complete with an impressive cloud of sand. In studio, it is revealed that this task took place on the first day that Lee had ever met Mike, leading Greg to conclude that Lee was just so determined to win he was willing to risk Mike getting seriously injured.
- When Mike is almost on the end point but is facing the wrong way to it, Lee tries to get him to turn in the right direction by instructing him to turn "south-east". Lee intends this to mean south-east relative to Mike facing forward — but Mike, blindfolded, gets confused, thinks Lee is trying to get him to go actual south-east, and ends up spinning around and walking so that he's facing even further from the end point. They get it sorted in the end, but once the matter's concluded Lee can't stop himself from acidly pointing out that Mike might need a refresher course on directions.
  Greg: Even in victory, you can't resist giving him a bollocking.
- However, any stumbles that Lee and Mike may have experienced pale in comparison to the sheer madness that is Sarah Kendall's attempt at corralling her two teammates. For illustration's sake, at one point she steers Jamali into a hedge full of what were apparently stinging nettles, while Charlotte apparently ended up in the golf course's car park at one point.
- Sarah initially decides to just keep things simple and direct Charlotte, leaving Jamali at the starting point. However, as she can't really explain this, Jamali naturally gets a bit frustrated and asks what's going on. Sarah panics and starts to direct him simultaneously, leading to all the chaos.
- Sarah tells Charlotte to run. Charlotte immediately complies by lightly jogging in a circle while gleefully laughing like a child.
- When Charlotte is near the ending mat, Sarah tells her to start crawling. Charlotte does and ends up missing the mat by mere millimetres. Made even funnier by Alex laughing in the background of the shot.
- While Sarah is busy directing Jamali, Charlotte can be seen lying on the ground doing ankle exercises.
- Jamali apparently didn’t even know what they were working towards. When Alex blows his whistle signalling the end of the task, Jamali’s first response upon taking off his blindfold is “What -what was that? What was the game?”
- "Tuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrn."
- There is a hint of what's to come before the second team's attempt is even shown: when Alex reveals that Lee and Mike took about four minutes total, the camera cuts to a group shot, where Jamali shakes his head and Charlotte facepalms. They took twenty-one minutes.
Coming back from the final ad break:
Greg: Welcome back to the last part of the series. The end is nigh my friends, so let's stay strong and get through this part together.
Alex: Ugh, grow some balls, grandad.
Greg: (sounding genuinely surprised) What the fuck?!
Charlotte Ritchie, bragging about winning the "dress as a camel while keeping your face in frame" task:
Charlotte: I genuinely can... get dressed. Quick.
[Pause as everyone waits for more, only to start falling about laughing when they realise that was it]
Lee: Wow, that was a sentence that started quite big.
Greg: That brag fell off a cliff.

Series 12

General

Victoria's consistently terrible prize task entries.
Greg: So we're looking for something that's a great thing in its own right that you happen to use for something else. Victoria?
Victoria: I've brought a bread bin.
Greg: Hang on a minute! Victoria, you may have grown tired of this format, but the viewers haven't.

An Imbalance in the Poppability

This, before a single task has been shown:
Victoria: You can't sit on Father Christmas's face!
Morgana: (flirtatiously) Oh yes you can.
Victoria's submission for 'the nicest thing to sit on when it's in a bag' is diamonds, because of the 'long-term comfort of financial security'.
The first task is to strike Alex with a ball. However, Alex is allowed to move around the house to avoid the contestants. This quickly descends into hilarious farcical comedy as Alex pops into rooms just as contestants leave them, with the crowning moment perhaps being Victoria entering the house from the side exactly as Alex leaves the house from the front door.
- The majority of the competitors are relatively calm considering they’re against the clock, but Guz’s movements and facial expressions - particularly his manic eyes - are reminiscent of a killer on the hunt for his latest prey.
- Guz decides to essentially play Marco-Polo by calling Alex’s name and having Alex reply. When in the main hall, Guz calls Alex’s name and runs out the front door after misjudging where Alex’s reply came from. As soon as Guz gets outside, Alex emerges from the hall doorway that Guz had just been standing in front of.
The task where they have to paint a portrait of Greg while lying flat on their backs:
- Guz acting like an excited and hyperactive child when first seeing the creeper, wanting to lie on it on his belly, and sighing in exasperation when Alex tells him he can't.
- Guz in the actual task, however, could not be more different; in stark contrast to all of the other contestants, he is very peaceful, commenting that it's the first task where he feels zenlike, and that he wouldn't mind if the task was extended to three and a half hours. Though he later comments that he lost this feeling of zen after his ride home wouldn't let him in the car, because he was covered in paint.
- This exchange:
  Alex: Twenty seconds remaining.
  Alan: Oh, come on. Twenty seconds to give a man a soul?
- Victoria takes forever to actually assemble her painting equipment and struggles with it once she has, which results in her painting being just a few random smears of paint.
Just the sheer, bewildering madness that Desiree Burch's attempt at popping a red balloon from a distance turns into. She initially contemplates using the pair of scissors that can instantly end the task in exchange for a substantial time penalty early on but decides against it because (so she later claims in the studio) it wouldn't be entertaining. What follows is her trying literally everything else — that is, literally every other item available to use — in an increasingly desperate and exasperated attempt at destroying the balloon, only to fail every single time. The area consequently ends up looking like a rather eccentric battlefield, and an overall total time that is, when incorporating penalties, almost three hours long. And then, to add insult to injury, when she finally deigns to use the scissors it turns out that the string holding the sharp blade has somehow slackened/a handful of previous wide misses had struck the mechanism, resulting in a slight delay between her cutting the string and the balloon popping that oh-so-slightly increases her time even more.
Alex: The portcullis was meant to work, but it had lost—
Alan: The will to live.
- At one point, Desiree chooses to buy a bucket of forks costing an hour rather than the eight-minute scissors. She throws all the forks and then throws the bucket.
- To contrast all this, we see Alan Davies immediately decide to use the scissors, resulting in an overall time of nine minutes — only one minute of which was spent by him immediately deciding to use the scissors, picking them up, and cutting the string. While a lot less entertainingly bonkers, he wins the task.
Other good moments from the balloon-popping task:
- Alex and his shop. At one point during Morgana's attempt, the wind almost blows it over, and Alex just about manages to rescue it. His smile after he does so is hilarious.
- Guz also fails repeatedly, including breaking one of the darts and slingshotting a duck into his face, before relenting and going for the scissors. His comment afterwards:
  Guz: There's a word I've never used before in life... it's called hindsight.
- Back in the studio Greg, naturally, immediately demands that Guz reveal why he has never used hindsight before. This prompts both Victoria and Alan to immediately note the irony of Greg asking Guz to reflect on why he has never reflected on anything before.
- Morgana, shortly after narrowly missing:
  Morgana: Ooh, missed by a bee's dick.
In the stage task:
- Alan's 'cool hobby' is surfgami, a combination of surfing and origami, and his 'fun animal' is a zebronkey, a cross between a zebra and a monkey. Then he has to act them out for Greg to guess.
- The 'famous person' Guz chooses to act is Jesus Christ, which ends up being the only one of the 'famous people' that Greg actually succeeds in guessing.

Oatmeal and Death

Victoria's frustration throughout the episode at Greg constantly putting her in the same age bracket as Alan^note.
Victoria's 'eloquent bullshit' while selling her prize task of a Triple Word Score square from Scrabble, which somehow devolves into ranking the sexiness of the Mr Men.
For the first team task of the series, which involves the teams creating the most thrilling ascent up a mountain^note"Mt Kasarest", a representation of a mountain in polythene on the ground:
- Guz and Morgana kick things off by not noticing that Desiree was standing right next to them.
- The team of three create a plot where, at the start of the climb, Desiree accidentally kills Morgana by impaling her with a flag. As Morgana is dying, she throws some "arse bread" to both Desiree and Guz. The two remaining climbers succeed in reaching the top of the mountain — only for Guz to then fall and roll all the way down to the bottom of the mountain, where he dies with a piece of "arse bread" on his face. In the studio, Greg notes that Desiree's character appears to be completely unaffected by the deaths of her fellow climbers; and Desiree reveals the backstory that her character is a climbing instructor, and she is happy that Morgana and Guz have died because it means that she gets to keep their deposits for the course.
The second task involves working out the contents of five bags that are on the table:
- After reading out the task, Victoria immediately fires several questions at Alex, including whether any of the bags contain grapefruit. When questioned about this in the studio, Victoria claims that she is allergic and that grapefruit causes liver damage.
  Greg: Alright, keep it light.
- When Alan is tasting the contents of the fifth bag, his eyelids flutter almost involuntarily.
- Greg notes the contrast in nationalities between Victoria (British) and Desiree (American); Desiree was visibly disgusted throughout, while Victoria was much calmer. Alan suggests that this has something to do with the contents of the bags being similar to the sort of thing he ate at school.
  Desiree: I don't have to eat in one bite. (Takes one small nibble from the spoon, then grimaces) Aw, I should have done, though! Jeez, I hate everybody!
- Morgana demonstrates that turnabout is fair play in Taskmaster by making Alex eat a large spoonful of banana, bovril/marmite, caramel, cabbage, gravy, granola, mayonnaise, mustard, nachos, and Nutella all mixed together. Not the first time Alex has been forced to eat something awful on the show, but definitely one of the few times he visibly regrets setting a task. She also screams with delight when Alex takes the entire spoonful in his mouth.
  Alex: (after Morgana tastes the bags that had been tossed into the bin) You haven't touched the mixture I made for you.
  Morgana: (cocks her head to the side) No.
The third task is to completely paint a spacehopper green with as little mess as possible:
- From Victoria's attempt. She later refers to the spacehopper's 'taut plastic corpse':
  Victoria: It's interesting that I painted over the face first. They say that about murderers, that they cover the face because they don't want to be looked at.
  (Alex looks at the camera with a concerned expression)
- Guz's attempt is a pure disaster. He ties the spacehopper to the roof and paints it green with his hands, but it eventually falls from its position and spreads green paint everywhere. In the studio, Guz pins this on Alex; he claims that Alex was encouraging him to slap the spacehopper repeatedly, which contributed to its dislodging. Even better, the way he phrases it makes Alex sound like a creepy pervert. And yet, somehow, despite all of this, because of the task's odd scoring, Guz still gets four points!
  Guz: (quoting Alex) Ooh, slap it again, Guz. Spit on your hand and slap it.
- The scoring for this task is a bit complicated because it relies on three factors. Greg spends some time trying to work out the maths, but Victoria ends up beating him to it, doing all the calculations in her head.

The End of the Franchise

The 'copy Alex' task.
- Morgana is very enthusiastic about the task; she starts repeating Alex's words before the task has even begun.
- Guz accuses Alex of 'air shagging' and calls it sacrilegious since this task took place in a church. Greg agrees with him in the studio. Then Desiree offers her thoughts:
  Desiree: What I saw was you very dutifully looking up to God and being like 'Thanks for this bit, this is really great'. Like, you looked really like 'This is a glorification'. I feel like that was okay.
  Alex: Yep - that's what I was-
  Greg: I'm sure you'll both be very happy together in Hell.
- Alan spends far too much time tossing the confetti and ends about ten seconds later than he should have.
- Desiree, after completing the task:
  Desiree: I feel like I've let down God.
In the "build the highest sand bridge that can support an egg and allow an egg to pass underneath" task,
- Upon entering the lab and before reading out the task, Desiree looks into the bucket of sand and decides to eat some of it.
- Morgana has clearly watched Taskmaster before, as she spends much of her task time scouring the room for extra materials or hidden secrets - which she eventually finds, inside the table.
All of the wellyboot-camera films:
- Morgana's film features Alex playing a number of obviously fake ghosts (though she still gets four points). The ghostly apparition is more harrowing in the first couple appearances, but by the time we see the third ghost taking a dump in the toilet, any tension is lost.
- Victoria's is a sequence of poorly drawn pictures illustrating an insane and surreal take on a James Bond story, in which he bursts out of a crocodile, shoots an evil villain, and finds nuclear bombs and diamonds inside the villain's cat.
  Greg: That throws up that age-old question... was it creative, or was it lazy?
- Guz's film is about two farmers repeatedly saying 'Ooh arr' to one another before one of them throws his welly boot at the other one. Morgana says he's invented a new genre - the 'Yeovil Western'.
- Alan's film is about people who get into a shipwreck but are helped by a friendly octopus. Greg said he thought it was very good until the camera angle shifted to the wide shot to show how it was filmed - Alan just standing in the bath.
- Alan's film includes a puppet version of Victoria, who unintentionally ends up drowning in the film because she came off the stick he was using to move her.
- Desiree's film is about the house threatening to kill her by sending her messages, including:
  YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO LIVE
  GET OUT
  (NOT IN A RACIST WAY, JUST IN A MURDEROUS WAY)
- She then gets chased and eaten by a pack of rubber ducks. And gets five points.
- Morgana and Desiree both wear their boots while walking around, but instead of making their films fast-paced, wearing the boots makes it look as if they are both limping and dragging the boot cams about.

The Customised Inhaler

Victoria learning how to ride a bike over the course of the first task.
The 'spread this jam in the coolest way' task:
- All of the contestants are surprised when the task jumps out of the toaster.
- Guz smashes jam onto the toast with mallets.
- Morgana covers herself in frozen food. Greg describes it as 'unhinged'.
  Greg: Morgana, I think you may have misread the task. We wanted to try and look cool while putting jam on some toast. I think you might have read 'have a full breakdown'.
- Victoria decides that 'coolness' means 'disregard for personal safety' and decides to spread jam with a trowel she's previously used to dig in the garden. As she comments in the studio:
  Victoria: I don't fear death. In fact, the longer this series goes on, the more I yearn for it.
The team task involves solving a riddle that is written in a code and needs to be deciphered first. The key to the code is on the back of a jigsaw that has been split up, with one half in the lab and the other in the living room. The team members are sent to a room each, and they are not allowed to leave their rooms, but they can communicate with each other using walkie-talkies:
- Victoria and Alan get through the task just fine, though Victoria does most of the heavy lifting, leaving Alan seeming a little redundant at times. At one point, Victoria is so immersed in solving the code with only her half of the jigsaw that it doesn’t occur to her that Alan is holding the other half.
  Alan: Hello Victoria. Have you got a code on the back of [your jigsaw]?
  Victoria: Yes, and I’ve nearly deciphered it […] I don’t know what J is, but I’m nearly there.
  Alan: J equals C.
  Victoria: How do you know that?
  (Alan rolls his eyes)
  Alan: Because I’ve got a code on the back of my jigsaw.
  Victoria: Oh! You’ve got the early letters!
- In comparison, the team of three's attempt is all over the place — to the extent that Alex can be seen constantly Corpsing and even falling off his chair at one point. Highlights include:
  - Guz announcing everything he discovers as a revelation.
    Desiree: (in an annoyed tone) So many revelations.
  - Desiree getting so annoyed with Guz that she says, "Fuck me in the face."
  - Morgana tries to write down the whole key.
    Guz: (after reading out his half of the key) And that is the end of the jigsaw.
    Morgana: I’m not sure it’s the end. I haven’t had V. V for Veronica is…?
    Guz: (throwing his arms up in frustration as if Morgana is the issue) Who the fuck is Veronica?!
  - Desiree eventually decides to decipher the riddle herself. As she does that, Guz starts singing a song in the lab. The main lyric is, "this task is shit".
  - In the studio, Alex reveals that Guz took 41 minutes to find the riddle, even though it was on the table in front of him. For purposes of contrast, this is almost ten minutes longer than it took the other team to complete the task entirely.
The group really enjoy the studio task (throwing forks into buckets).
Alan: That was really good fun.
Morgana: Again! Again! Again!

Croissants Is Croissants

Greg seems to be finally genuinely complimenting Alex, giving him a rolled-up piece of paper to read while praising him... the paper reads 'I look like a big human shrew'. This gag then returns at the end of the episode, this time with a Thank You card.
The 'sit on a cake' task:
- Guz and Morgana both decide to make their own cakes. Morgana takes almost two hours but bakes a very nice cake. Guz mixes together a bunch of things including a pain au chocolat and dumps them in a teapot.
- Victoria finishes the task in 25 seconds, as she happened to have a flapjack with her while doing the task, explaining that she always carries flapjacks with her.
  Victoria: Everything that's not meat and vegetables is a cake.
Morgana, Guz, and Desiree come up with a brilliant strategy for the 'get the most balls in the net' task by passing the net down to Morgana so she can just place the balls in. Unfortunately, Morgana had the net in front of her when the task finished, and 'all balls between the task-reader and the middle person are deducted from your score', so they finish with -1 point. And they still somehow score higher than Victoria and Alan, though Greg ends up giving both teams 0 points.
In the 'stop Alex from scoring a goal' task:
- The rules state that the ball has to be on its spot when Alex makes his attempt, but Guz declares that there's nothing stopping him from moving the spot. Alex then points out that there's also nothing stopping him from moving it right back to where it was.
- Desiree covers the goalmouth with clingfilm. Alex scores immediately.
- Victoria builds a barricade in front of the ball, then bets Alex £100 that he can't score a goal with it in the way and stands to the side of the goal. He kicks the ball over the barricade and scores on his first attempt. When the ball flies towards the goal, Victoria also makes no attempt to block it.
  Victoria: I didn't know the ball could go upwards.
- Morgana flips the goal over to prevent Alex from scoring. Alex then tries to get around this by using the fencing from the caravan to prop the goal up — only for Morgana to then kick the fencing out of the way again as Alex is running back to the ball. The two end up going back and forth like this for some time before Alex grabs some scissors to cut the net.

A Chair in a Sweet

Greg's increasing annoyance at the contestants being too nice to each other in the prize task.
Guz: We have defeated the format of your show.
Then Victoria's prize entry comes up, which is a Manchester United season ticket...for Alan, who is a committed fan of Arsenal. (And it seems she didn't even mean it as any kind of insult!)
Alan: That is the most passive-aggressive, calculated, personal attack I have ever experienced.
Greg: Victoria, I knew you wouldn't let me down!
Greg notes the differences between Victoria and Morgana's reactions to their success in the iron-throwing task, which leads to this exchange:
Victoria: Well, this is not where I hoped to be professionally at this stage of my life.
Morgana: For me, this is like... the pinnacle.
During the dog toy task:
- Alex treats Marco the dog as if he were a contestant.
  Alex: Marco, you have ninety seconds left.
  Alex: Marco, you're running out of time.
  Alex: Marco, you have to leave the room now.
- Victoria, who is usually calm and composed, is uncharacteristically excited about the dog.
  Victoria: (excitedly gasping) Is there going to be a dog?
  Alex: Yes, but you're not going to meet the dog.
  Victoria: Whhyyyy?
- Desiree's dog toy is called Chonky. Greg says before the task that he thinks it's going to win. Marco then proceeds to ignore Chonky for the entire five minutes, putting Desiree in dead last.
The 'sit on the red chair in the secret tower' task:
- All of the contestants having trouble remembering the instructions.
  Guz: I was meant to get the red chair. And now I'm here in this chair, and I don't know what the fuck is going on.
- Contestants completely missing things becomes a staple of this task, such as Morgana believing at first that the whole task is 'put this task in the shredder' and then being unable to find the (signposted) 'secret tower' for quite some time.
- The crowning example of this, however, is Victoria's attempt, where she doesn't notice the red chair on the ground at all, and instead believes the chair to be somewhere in the tower. One of the items in said tower is a very small sweet, leading to Victoria wondering "There can't be a chair in a sweet, can there?" Greg mocks the quote repeatedly in the studio, and it naturally becomes the episode title. Ultimately, Victoria never finds the chair, and instead sits on a pile of red circles.
Everyone utterly fails the paper aeroplane studio task.
Greg: (sarcastically) What an adrenaline rush.
At the end of the episode in an otherwise Heartwarming moment where Guz (the episode winner) gifts the prizes to their intended recipients, Alan pointedly remains in his seat, leaving his voucher with Guz.

The Integrity of the Product

The prize category is the most ridiculous thin thing:
- For 'the most elegant thing beginning with G' back in episode five, Victoria brought in a felt creature she made called 'Mr Greedy Esq.', which Greg proceeded to ridicule. For this episode's prize task, Victoria brings Mr Greedy Esq. back, stating that since Greg thought it was ridiculous before it must be able to win this category. It does - she scores the five points.
- Alan, introducing his prize entry, a Wet Wet Wet album:
  Alan: I've brought in a vinyl LP from the 1980s. It's a time when I was a student, when Nelson Mandela was still in prison, when the Berlin Wall was still up...
  Greg: Keep it light.
In the task to put up a shelf at the Taskmaster's eyeline
- Morgana enlists Alex to look up Greg's height, but Alex makes her tell him what to type into the search engine.
  Morgana: "How tall is Greg?"... "How tall is... Greg... Greg Davies?"
  Alex: How are you spelling that?
  (Beat)
  Morgana: "How tall is Greg from Taskmaster?"
- Morgana then grabs a pre-existing shelf from the back of the shed, something which Victoria also does. The difference being that Morgana inexplicably decides to turn the shelf upside down before placing it, causing her to struggle for some time.
The jingles task is one of this series's best:
- Both Morgana and Victoria are surprised by the snakes in a can. Victoria then starts putting the snakes back in the can (for 'the integrity of the product') and is surprised by them again.
- Alan failing to pop the balloon.
- Even better, Victoria failing to play a swanee whistle. She spends quite a lot of time believing that the way to change the sound is by spinning the metal end rather than pulling it.
- Morgana is also assigned swanee whistle as her instrument:
  Alex: Are you good at the swanee whistle?
  Morgana: Black belt.
- Guz loved the mini drumkit he used to make his jingle - after it plays, Alex comments that he spent fourteen minutes playing the drums and only one minute writing the jingle (which was why he ended up rhyming 'laminator' with 'constipator').
- Morgana's jingle is a bizarre psychedelic fever dream video of her shooting finger guns while saying the words 'snakes' and 'gun' in a deep voice, all while unsettling swanee whistle music plays in the background.
- Alan's jingle is somehow even stranger:
  Alan: (voiceover, on a video of spilling coffee) Imagine a world without lamination.
  Alan: (singing) Laminate, laminate, just in case you spill
  Laminate, laminate, on your grandad's will.
In the pipe and box task:
- Guz getting confused by the rules:
  Guz: You know, on the drive home, the wording for this task kept coming through my head... I felt like I needed some kind of assessment.
- Victoria demonstrates her savviness about her role in this series — namely, that she is Greg's go-to Butt-Monkey whenever he wants to make fun of a contestant's efforts — when he tries to compliment her attempt at the location task:
  Greg: Victoria.
  Victoria: [Quiet and suspicious] What?
  Greg: I thought it was excellent.
  [Pause; Victoria just narrows her eyes at him, clearly smelling a rat]
  Greg: ... Alright, I have got a couple of questions.
Some of the guesses in the final drawing task:
- Many of the drawn guesses are just random lines that end up looking quite like surrealist paintings. A particular highlight in this regard is Victoria's answer of 'fruit' during Guz's turn.
- Also during Guz's turn, Greg mentions that his guess would have been 'an evil clown's face'. Guz remarks that he would have got a point... then turns around his card to reveal he had to draw 'Greg Davies'.
- During Morgana's turn, Guz completely gives up and just starts writing messages to his friends.
  (on Guz's board) Big up Cov & The West Mids Mandem

A Couple of Ethels

Greg's introduction from this episode is one of his best:
Greg: I know a lot of you out there in social media land think that sometimes, when it comes to judgments, I don't always get it right. Well, you're wrong. And you'd better make sure those comments come from a server in Central Europe. It's not hard for a man with my connections to get a name, do you understand? (getting progressively angrier) You might be Dumbledore online, but I'll find you! And I'll disguise myself as a giant crow in a tree outside your house! YOU EVER BEEN JUMPED ON BY A SIX-FOOT EIGHT CROW?? Then maybe keep your opinions to yourself.
Victoria continues her tradition of underwhelming prize tasks by bringing in a bread bin. The instructions are to bring in something you use for a different purpose. Her different purpose is that she stores the bread on top of the bin, rather than in it. She comes last. At the end of the episode, when Alan wins the prizes, he puts the bread into the bread bin, just to annoy Victoria.
Guz becomes very concerned about the location of the first task, a former nunnery:
Guz: This is a very cold place, and it's old, and there might be spirits, so you're gonna see a different Guz Khan today, sensible. I'm not trying to mess with the supernatural, okay brother?
Guz: (later) Who knows what was going on here, back in the day. You know there's a couple of Ethels that are still walking around here.
Guz: (softly, after ringing the bell) Sorry Ethel.
The sports commentary task is excellent:
- The team of two are made up of one sports fanatic (Alan) and one with no interest whatsoever (Victoria). This causes a number of exchanges that Greg mentions in the studio make Victoria sound like a robot trying to learn information about human activity.
  Victoria: You watch sport, don't you? Could you distill what is interesting about looking at it?
- Alan makes the mistake of mentioning 'moments of surprise' as a key element of sport, which Victoria immediately latches onto as the central tenet of their sport, 'Multi-Sport'.
  Alan: When I said surprise, I meant how a great sportsman will sometimes surprise their opponent with an unexpected manoeuvre, a bit of skill. And I think Victoria thought I meant surprise as in... a magician.
- Meanwhile, with the team of three, Guz initially tries to suggest a sport in which Morgana and Desiree hit each other with boxing gloves on the ends of golf clubs, which they turn back in his face by inventing 'Guzball', a sport in which they throw balls at him.
  Guz: I just wanna say, this is very ironic considering I originally came up with a game in which I didn't get hit.
  Desiree: That's karma, boo.
- Guz's commentary reflects this, mostly referring to the fact that he now has groin injuries as a result of playing Guzball.
- Victoria and Alan's attempt features a sports news ticker on the bottom of the screen, which includes some humorous easter egg references to moments from across the series:
  THE ASHES: J.W. BEANS 406 not out
  GRAND NATIONAL: WINNER - LAMINATOR (13/1)
  Long Jump Champion: R.O.Salind
  WILKINSON HITS HOLE IN ONE
  (UPDATE) WILKINSON DISQUALIFIED
While the other four are busy making their upside-down faces in the third task, the footage of Alan's attempt mostly consists of him looking pensive and forlorn as he tries to come up with a way to do the task. Greg particularly highlights a moment where a single haunting violin note is played over a shot of Alan silently pressing two googly eyes to his chin.
The reactions to the balloon popping in the live task, particularly Desiree's, Alex's, and Greg's.

Nothing Matters

Guz brings in tennis balls as his prize task entry and describes how you could use them with your nan - specifically, if she has osteoporosis, you could just roll it to her.
The phone task:
- When the task is being read out, it shows the contestants reading out the task as normal and then cuts to Victoria groaning in despair at the task.
- Victoria instantly breaking down in dread at the prospect of involving an outside person in a task without being allowed to explain it to them. When given the instruction to laugh at everything the other person says, she remarks that it won't be a problem since she's already been emitting a constant stream of nervous laughter for the entire conversation. The person she calls even picks up on her laughter and asks her if she has been drinking. Funnily enough, despite all of her worry, she ends up coming in second in the task.
- Alan calls up a friend who he hasn't contacted in years, only to start off with the instruction to yawn loudly for 10 seconds and then immediately hang up when this prompts her to say the prohibited key word. The entire conversation lasts 20 seconds.
- Desiree's first task is to yawn loudly for 10 seconds, and her friend joins in and yawns with her.
- Guz calls one of his oldest best friends... and seems to spend the bulk of the conversation bickering with him.
Three contestants try to think outside the box with the 'goosebumps' task after failing to achieve regular goosebumps:
- Alan gets some raw chicken from the fridge and points out the bumps. His interpretation actually gets him some points.
- Guz brings in a statue of a chicken and tries to conceal an apple underneath its feathers as a 'bump' (which Alex notices immediately).
- Victoria draws red marks on her arm that resemble plague sores more than goosebumps, and after a lengthy debate in the studio, Greg says she'll only get a bonus point if people start calling her Ol' Goosebump Arm.

Caring Uncle Minpict

Desiree having no gag reflex somehow comes up twice during the episode, first when she nails the drinking task and again during her proposal.
Victoria struggling with the drinking task and pouring quite a lot of it on the floor.
The team task:
- The task only needs two people, so, in a similar vein to Johnny during one task of Series 10, Guz ends up doing his own task on a tennis chair, which is moving a chocolate button from his forehead to his mouth. He only needed to do one, but he ended up doing it 36 times.
- Victoria's guess for what Alan was spelling out during the task was 'Caring Uncle Minpict'.
The whole 'make the most irresistible proposal to Alex' task:
- Guz puts a horse head in Alex's bed, complete with fake blood. Greg comments that anyone who hasn't seen The Godfather will be very confused.
- Alan comments before the task that he was off his head on snuff when he proposed to his real wife. He then makes Alex inhale Vicks VapoRub while he dresses up in costume and grabs the big plastic cow to offer as a dowry.
- Morgana dresses up as a 'psychotic mermaid' who sings a song about how she doesn't have crabs, which Greg calls out as a Suspiciously Specific Denial.
- After each proposal, Alex dramatically answers... that he'll think about it.
Highlights from the live task:
- Desiree being constantly annoyed by Greg's guesses, approximately half of which are her.
- Victoria does not know what beatboxing is. When it is her turn in that round, she walks around the stage to begin her beatboxing from Desiree's spot, much to the latter's indignation.
- Victoria stomping to communicate the noise of a 'big scary monster', and Greg guessing her correctly anyway. Upon Greg guessing the stomping was her, Victoria flips him the double bird as she walks back.
- Alan's bizarre 'Wow' noise that completely breaks Greg.
  Alan: WwwwwWWWWWOW!
  Greg: (through tears of laughter) I don't know...I don't know who the wow monster is!
- Guz's noise is a purr, then an unusually sexual moan. Alex gives him a very strange look.
- After the final scary monster noise:
  Greg: And before we go any further, I just want to say, the only one I care about getting right was Victoria.
  Alex: Well, Greg, the only one you got right...
  Greg: What?!
  Alex: ...Was Victoria.
  [Greg breaks down laughing]

Series 13

General

This cast, especially Ardal, is much quicker to criticise each others' task attempts. In some cases, this might lead to a hostile, uncomfortable atmosphere, but in this series everyone (again, especially Ardal) is so full of passive-aggressive snark and so quick to search for loopholes in the task wording that might disqualify the others that it's hilarious.
Bridget, Judi, and Sophie begin some of their team tasks with synchronised activities separate from the task, such as doing life-drawing sketches of Alex, or slow-walking and taking off their sunglasses like action movie stars.
Ardal occasionally collapses onto the floor after particularly tense or exhausting tasks.
While Alex is always generally somewhat unhelpful towards the contestants throughout the series, he often seems genuinely annoyed with Bridget Christie for some reason in their VTs together, giving his typical passive aggression a certain frisson it rarely possesses.

The Noise That Blue Makes

Judi's bullshitting throughout the episode, which very rarely works.
In the hidden ducks task:
- Sophie asks Alex to give her a piggyback, stating that she 'did it a lot at university'. She then makes it worse in the studio where she attempts to clarify by saying she did 'a lot of riding men at parties'. This leads to:
  Sophie: But people must have ridden you.
  Greg: (sighs) Not for a while.
- Judi discovering an extra hidden duck left over from a previous task, and then asking 'Is there a duck on my face?' while lit only by ultraviolet light. And in yet another example of how the game messes with contestants' minds, she's quite sincere in her paranoia that the production somehow put a duck on her face.
- Ardal performs quite poorly, repeatedly pulling out several chickens and asking if they are the ducks.
  Greg: Up until the third chicken you pulled out, I was under the impression you played a character in Father Ted.
Painting a portrait of Greg with lips:
- Sophie gets a little too into this task. While most of the other contestants simply stick to kissing it lightly, she basically full-on snogs the canvas, complete with occasional moaning.
- Bridget's portrait, in which Greg is wearing a bra and a little dress, and saying 'Where's my crisps? I hate my job.' Not to mention Bridget maniacally widening her eyes every time she applied new lipstick. Chris describes her painting of Greg as looking like a haunted sex doll.
- Speaking of Chris:
  Chris: I was embarrassed at how out of breath I was at the end. Woodpeckers must be hard as fuck!
All of the duels:
- The duel between Ardal and Alex is initiated by each one slapping the other in the face with rubber gloves. They then just throw fruit at each other.
- Judi designs the duel to give herself an obvious advantage, making it far easier for her to win. She also makes Alex wear rollerskates that are too small for him and drinks a cocktail throughout the task.
- Chris does a duel in which he and Alex have to put balls in baskets on each other's backs. Greg says he thought they would kiss at some point, and then Chris makes it worse by describing it as 'two men going at it'.
- Bridget does a jousting match in wrestler masks, which ends up deteriorating into her slowly and repeatedly punching Alex with a boxing glove on the end of a long stick.
- Sophie duels Alex with words:
  Sophie: Instead of doing this we could just go on a bender/ If you choose this duel to surrender?
  Alex: I'd like to surrender and not do this duel anymore/ Because I can't think of any more rhymes.
The contestants mispronouncing numbers in the live task, especially Judi. Also Sophie, when she elongates a number in an effort to play for time, leading to an Overly Long Gag and a Hoist by His Own Petard situation as she goes on for so long she forgets what she's supposed to do.

Birdy Hand Finger

The prize category is something one would show to an alien:
- Sophie's entry is a picture of her and her roommates as 17th-century Dutch militia. Greg is utterly baffled by it.
- Judi states that she would give the aliens a 'rubi kubi' and then when asked to solve it, would refuse because she is 'Queen Zafufu'.
- Chris gets a bit indignant when Greg questions whether alien intelligences would be impressed by his offering of a robot lawnmower, and begins to call out Alex for making the task ambiguous — unfortunately, the combination of his agitation and his strong Geordie accent ends up making what he's saying sound like incomprehensible spluttering.
  Greg: Oh, he's gone too Geordie for me!
The maypole task:
- The contestants's time starts after they have spun around blindfolded 10 times and Alex has given a thumbs-up gesture. While she is spinning, Sophie puts up both middle fingers like a garden sprinkler to Alex.
- Sophie gets teary when she first puts the papoose full of ping pong balls on, saying it makes her feel maternal, like the ping pong balls are her eggs.
- The task takes place at an external location, next to a fenced-off area. After Bridget is blindfolded, she manages to walk into a fence. Instead of walking back the way she came — which would have led her to the maypole again — she wanders off to her right and encounters another fence.
- Ardal's system for completing the maypole task: "listening for the flap".
In the "best recreation of the coolest photo on your phone" task:
- Asked to find the coolest photograph on his phone, Ardal suggests a picture of some sockets in a cupboard.
- Bridget recreates a photo of herself doing gymnastics, which she took up over lockdown. Although there is a concensus that it is a brilliant recreation, everyone is distracted by a hooded man (one of the crew members) in the back who appears to be urinating against the Taskmaster House walls.
- Throughout the photograph task, Ardal has been passive-aggressively criticising some of the other contestants' entries, such as complaining Chris has too many stars on his shirt compared to his picture, or that Sophie depicted the wrong breed of dog (because she dressed Alex to look like a dog). Ardal's own picture, an attempted representation of some sheep playing football in the Irish countryside, is however far worse than any of theirs, more or less being a jumble of random objects.
Following the team task, Alex clearly explains that the points given to the teams should add up to 5 (5 and 0, 4 and 1, or 3 and 2). Greg immediately forgets which team won, and then gives out 8 total points (5 to the winners and 3 to the rest). Alex's face is a picture of polite bafflement and frustration.
Greg: I can't give my boys no points!
Alex: Well - no, they won.
Sophie's three words to describe her (unseen) object in the live task: 'difficult to see'.

I Think I've Got This

The prize category is an object that sounds funny when its name is repeated quickly:
- Bridget is asked to repeatedly name her funny-sounding prize (a stopcock). She begins chanting "stopcock" while staring at Greg and bird-walking around the stage. He stands up and reciprocates in kind, leading to them performing a kind of mating dance. He then returns to his throne, and she climbs on top of it, dancing triumphantly while Alex strikes at her with a single-egg frying pan.
- Chris brings in a cookbook, what Greg calls a 'regional' submission because it sounds funny in his Geordie accent. Alex comments that Chris could probably bring in most things as valid prizes.
The historical event task is one of those rare tasks where everyone does something funny:
- Ardal turns the traffic cones into tanks and reenacts a wartime event, making all the sound effects himself. Greg comments that Ardal looks like an excited seven-year-old.
- Earlier, Alex mentions the difference between history and prehistory. When Sophie superimposes her head on a dinosaur just before the meteor strike, Ardal notes:
  Ardal: I thought it was a fantastic moment, Sophie, from prehistory.
- In past series whenever Alex is asked to participate in short films by contestants, Greg has usually criticised his acting for being overly hammy. This time, however, as the daddy dinosaur he is completely monotone, even while screaming and on fire.
- Chris does the cloning of Dolly the Sheep, which quickly descends into an emotional breakdown over whether science has gone too far.
  Chris: This one's Dolly. We didn't name the other one, didn't give a shit.
- Bridget does the heart-wrenching story of Laika:
  Bridget: (as Laika) Not many people from my socioeconomic background get to orbit a nice ball, let alone Earth... My name is Laika, and now I'm ready to die.
- Judi has been muttering throughout the task about how she didn't realise the word 'emotional' was in the task wording, and also that everyone else used CGI or editing techniques. Greg is very excited to see hers as a result, and it does not disappoint: she just places the traffic cones in a sandpit and calls them the pyramids, and herself Nefertiti. Judi then follows this up by trying to deliver an emotional speech to defend her attempt in the studio, which is incredibly exaggerated and convoluted — you can even see Sophie mouthing 'what?' while she gives it. The speech, of course, doesn't work on Greg, and she gets one point.
- Chris is not happy that his attempt is deemed worthy of only two points, but he's livid when Ardal's attempt gets four:
  Chris: I CRIED FOR YOU!
The toys task:
- Bridget offers the following quote:
  Bridget: Just imagine, if I don't do this, someone will take my cats.
- After Ardal thinks he has completed the task, he collapses to the floor in exhaustion. Alex quickly compares him to the wind-up robot, which is also lying on the floor kicking its legs.
- Judi becomes something of a broken record during this task, repeating several phrases over and over again including 'How do you get the marble to roll?' and 'I think I've got this.'
  (after Judi has said 'I think I've got this' at least three or four times)
  Alex: Have you got this?
  Judi: I think so.
- Judi trying to defend her attempt again:
  Judi: Well, I was the fastest to lose.
In the "enable Alex to bite his duck" task:
- In yet another example of Alex's Complexity Addiction causing him to be Hoist by His Own Petard, Chris becomes annoyed at discovering that the bucket has been gimmicked and takes advantage of the fact that Alex had himself tied up to vent his own frustrations by blasting Alex in the face with a hose nozzle set to full power for nearly fifteen seconds.
- Ardal walking out with a pot full of water and stating that he "[didn't] want to get Alex wet," as if he'd forgotten that he'd just thrown a pot of water in Alex's face just moments prior.
- Ardal tossing buckets of water over Alex in the same task.
Ardal forgetting to leave the booth during the studio task.

Shoe Who

The prize task is the best night-time thing.
- Judi describing a duvet as if it’s a brand new, game-changing invention.
- Chris then brings in a bed:
  Chris: (to Judi) It does everything that yours does, plus it's a trampoline.
- Ardal’s review of his memory-foam mattress:
  Ardal: They don't work. It doesn’t remember me; it rejects me.
- Ardal compares foxes to jazz drummers on the hunt for heroin.
- More from Ardal — his night-vision goggles, which he says he wears in bed, because he doesn't sleep well, but his wife does. He then says the night vision goggles allow him to see intruders...
  Ardal: So I've got a little advantage there.
  Greg: Over your wife?
The contestants have to figure out the shoe Alex is thinking of from dozens of possible pairs:
- All of the panelists have a unique thing to say/do after Alex answers their questions. Sophie is given the task to get increasingly exasperated after every answer and in the studio she clarifies that she had almost forgotten that she was required to do it and was just going off of genuine annoyance by that point. Sophie gets so annoyed that she asks Alex to take off his shoes and then she throws them out the window much farther away than the rest of the discard pile.
  Alex: You don't seem very exasperated.
  Sophie: (Death Glare)
- Judi, after she completes the task and slams the correct shoe onto Alex's clipboard:
  Judi: Thank God we're in a church because I would tell you some words...
- Greg happily pointing out that after all of the humiliation and abuse Alex has suffered over the past 12 series, the thing that finally pushed Alex to a genuine point of irritation was Bridget simply asking a question.
- Greg notes that he and Bridget have known each other on and off for a few years at this point but her attempt was the first time that he had ever had to question her intelligence. According to Alex, Bridget asked far more questions than there were shoes — 161 questions to be exact. Bridget can only offer that she was possessed by something in the church where the task took place.
- Ardal, for some reason, begins trying to deduce what shoe it is with the question: "Would you wear your shoe to a funeral?"
  - When Alex responds to this question with No, Ardal immediately begins eliminating shoes which he wouldn't wear to a funeral, requiring Alex to remind him what his answer was.
- Ardal's last two questions, according to Alex: 'Will Taskmaster be happy?' and 'Can you help me get back in?'
  Greg: Taskmaster is very happy.
The team task to give Alex the best stag minute:
- While the women brainstorm, Bridget excitedly says 'I think he likes birds!'^note, a comment which ends up defining their whole effort. Judi then asks a question for the ages:
  Judi: Can the bird be wearing a thong?
- Bridget feeds Alex worms (angrily telling Alex to "eat your fucking worm!" at one point), while Sophie writes 'Bird' on his forehead. The highlight, though, is Judi twerking while wearing a cat mask and meowing as unenthusiastically as possible.
- Greg saying that if he didn’t know any better he would have thought the women’s attempt was a video from Guantanamo Bay.
- Then in the studio, Alex points out it's his dad who loves birds.
After one ad break, Alex puts his hand on Greg's shoulder, and Greg immediately responds in a quiet but menacing voice 'Get your fucking hand off me.' This completely breaks Alex, who is reduced to laughter for the next fifteen seconds.
In the "make a stirring speech with the bunting letters" task:
- Both Chris and Sophie make the choice to call Greg 'dad/papa' with their bunting messages.
- After Ardal once again starts criticizing everyone else’s task attempts, Alex mentions that it’s a bit strange to see Ardal so confident in his takedowns when Alex already knows just how Ardal’s attempt has panned out. Ardal's speech?
  Ardal: I am seven types of rank tit. u r swel man. Hail TM!
- Alex reveals that there was enough bunting to spell out one of Greg's opening speeches from a previous episode, 'and an extra k because we got it slightly wrong'.
The live task involves knocking over dolls of the contestants with tyres, with the winner being whoever's doll is the last one standing.
- Judi tries to get some solidarity from Sophie during the live task. Then, when it is Judi's turn to throw her tyre, she aims straight for Sophie's doll.
  Judi: Sister Queen! Don’t do it!
- Judi's tyre does not make it across the line, meaning she cannot have any more goes at knocking down dolls. However, she is more annoyed that one of her nails has popped off.

Having a Little Chuckle

The prize category is the most surprising thing from one's wardrobe:
- Bridget's submission for the prize task being an antique kimono that she bought as a gift for Greg seventeen years ago and never actually gave him, which Greg naturally can't let slide.
  Greg: You've had multiple opportunities to find me and give me my gift.
  Bridget: You tell me, then, when I could have given you this.
  Greg: At any point in the last seventeen years! I'm not The Scarlet Pimpernel, I live in London! I put it to you...
  Bridget: No, I put it to you!
  Greg: I put it to you...
  Bridget: Not only do I put it to you...!
  Greg: I put it back to you, that you bought that kimono not realizing it was expensive, you were going to give it to me, then you found out it was worth something, and you kept it for yourself!!
- At the end of the episode, Greg puts the kimono on.
Alex retrieving Judi's key (in its first hiding spot) with no effort at all.
In the "be the third person to high-five Alex" task:
- Ardal guesses that Judi will have high-fived him right away. In the studio, Judi is annoyed that he would make that assumption, but when the girls' video is shown it's revealed that she had done exactly as he'd predicted.
  Judi: How many minutes had gone until I...?
  Alex: No minutes. About twenty seconds.
  Judi: No? Really? No, it... oh. Twenty seconds? No, seriously, it was about a minute, though, wasn't it?
- Ardal also comes up with a surprisingly smooth defense:
  Ardal: Well, I think of you as first among... women.
- Judi offers a defence:
  Judi: At the end of the day I didn't just want to be the third but the fastest third.
- And then Bridget, who performed similarly badly, but in the opposite way, waiting until the very last second to high-five Alex, tries to justify herself too:
  Bridget: I thought it would be very exciting, and it was.
The water tank task:
- Chris thinks the water tank task is too easy because all he would need is six bibles.
- For the water tank task, Judi tries to use a bunch of two bananas to raise the water level. She then says the bananas are floating like two dicks in a bath.
The cleverness of the last task, another one of those where one task is reintroduced later in the middle of another. In the first task, the contestants have to put a key in a place where it is 'difficult, but possible, to retrieve'. At the end of the 'answer Alex's phone call' task, the phone is in a locked box... opened with their key.
- At the beginning of that task, Ardal trying to solve the task by answering Alex's call using Alex's phone.
- Bridget simply put her key in her boot, so she should have won with ease... but she spends so long finding the box that she comes last. As with the previous episode, Alex is unable to disguise his own frustration and chastises her for talking directly to the camera crew while she is searching for the other phone. It doesn't help that she experiences a Heroic BSoD during the task, where she lies on the ground on top of a bag of cuddly toys, banging a spatula against a saucepan. Greg describes it as a metaphor for the futility of life, while Chris says it is representive of what the show does to your brain.
The live task:
- Judi getting disqualified very quickly, trying to hop away in her sleeping bag, and then just looking grumpy for the rest of the task.
- Sophie's worm dance, combined with her 'loving' face, which Greg finds quite threatening.

The 75th Question

Bridget anticipating and imitating Ardal criticising her prize task entry.
From the cement mixer task:
- The time for the cement mixer task starts when Alex does an impression of the contestant completing the task. He manages adequate, recognisable impressions of Ardal, Bridget, Chris, and Judi, but is completely stumped by how to do an impression of Sophie, to the point where she even seems a little offended that he can't think of a single way to impersonate her. He ends up just playing lacrosse.
- Ardal washing a mannequin's hair in a cement mixer by bending its neck backwards. When he pulls it out, the mannequin's hair has fallen off. He then puts a Frube in it as 'colour'.
- As a Freeze-Frame Bonus, his nametag reads 'Lorenzo/Frank (or Greg)', and the shampoo he uses is called 'Greg and Shoulders'.
- Sophie's icebreakers, which start pleasant ('you have kind eyes') but quickly grow weird ('which former Taskmaster contestant would you want to be your child?' ^noteAlex says Hugh Dennis.) and then downright concerning ('Why don't you believe in yourself?' and 'You're going to die sooner than you think'.)
- Bridget does an environmental 'song' by plucking a single string on a violin, with items in the cement mixer providing the background 'music'.
  Greg: Take me through the rhyme scheme.
  Bridget: Was there a rhyme scheme?
  Greg: Nope.
- Chris uses the cement mixer to play a game with Alex. He attaches two sticks to the mixer, and each stick has a sausage dangling off it. The aim of the game is to be the first person to take a bite out of their assigned sausage. The cement mixer spins the sausages around much faster than Chris was anticipating, and what follows is a series of slow-motion shots of Alex and Chris getting hit by the sausages spinning around.
The contestants have to record the largest number on a pedometer:
- Judi eventually utilizes the remote-controlled rat from Series 11 and is shocked that it didn’t record any of the ride as steps.
- Bridget has less than zero idea as to how a pedometer records steps and keeps saying it’s not working. Alex has to repeatedly tell her to just walk normally as opposed to what can only be described as a robot attempting to walk after being told how it’s done but not shown.
  Greg: Bridget, this isn't a question I was expecting to have to ask... Have you ever walked?
- Amazingly enough, Bridget actually ends up winning the task after some lateral thinking, recording a number on her phone while sitting on the pedometer. She briefly worries her interpretation won't be accepted:
  Bridget: Oh no. If you say it's 139 I'm going to... I don't mind actually, I'm really happy in life.
- After Alex explains that Bridget technically did complete the task the best, and Greg starts to mull it over and as he’s explaining his reasoning, Judi keeps interspersing with an incredulous “Oh, my God!” as she realizes how the scoring is about to go down.
  Judi: I got beaten by someone who just recorded...
  Chris: No, you got beaten by everyone.
The task is to have an 8-person meeting with yourself:
- When imitating Greg, Sophie sits with her legs spread wide and resting on the armrests of the chair. After watching the clip, the real Greg happily tries to copy her sitting position, although he isn't quite limber enough to manage it without Alex's help.
- Sophie planning the task:
  Sophie: What I instantly thought of... was your death.
- Ardal's meeting is set at the tennis club, where the chairman gets arrested:
  Ardal: I'm arresting you for embezzlement. (quietly) ...and murder.
The live task is to guess the name of a stranger, with each contestant asking only one yes or no question per turn.
- The opening questions offer a little foreshadowing for how disastrously this round will go: Ardal's first question is, inexplicably, "Are you a French trapeze artist?". Bridget's subsequent question is to ask whether his name is Andrew, prompting Greg to Face Palm in despair. Greg is then moved to thank Chris when he raises the actually helpful question of whether his name starts with a vowel.
- Names guessed include Pimpernickel, Quantum, Qantas, Tiger, Obama, Zebedee, Luigi, Vlad, and Quasimodo. Greg eventually stops the questioning to strongly suggest the contestants at least go in order to pin down the first letter of his name, something they haven't managed to do in over 60 questions. Finally, on what Alex notes is The 75th Question, Sophie correctly guesses Quentin.
- When finally given the suggestion to discover the first letter of the man's name by a Taskmaster whose temper is clearly fraying by this point, Ardal somehow manages to violate the "you must ask within ten seconds" rule by stumbling over the phrase "does your name begin with an [X]"?
- A helpful reminder; the English alphabet has only twenty six letters. They could have gone through it twice in the time it took them to find out the man's name, and were only three questions off from a third complete go-through. Furthermore, two of the only actually useful early questions raised were "does your name begin with a vowel?" and "does your name begin with a letter in the first half of the alphabet?", both of which were negative answers... meaning they subsequently could have at least identified the letter his name began with in a maximum of eleven questions. No wonder Greg, Alex and the audience were getting increasingly pissed off.

Heg

The prize category is best thing to put your finger in:
- Bridget comparing her prize entry - 'fart putty' - to her uterus when she was giving birth.
  Bridget: (describing the OB-GYN putting his finger in and out of her uterus) I tried to make him more relaxed. Like, 'Weren't you wearing a watch a minute ago?'
- Sophie and Ardal both bring puppets. Sophie's is called Jane Norman, baffling Greg as to why she has a surname, while Ardal's is called Dr Gerry and gives him advice.
The task is to show off:
- Judi starts bragging about pretty much anything and everything she has done. The highlights include borrowing a dog and being able to perfectly fry four fish fingers.
- This is contrasted to Sophie, who performs Shakespeare, then handcuffs herself underwater in a bath.
- Bridget’s original plan is anybody’s guess as she initially (and repeatedly) asks about acquiring a gun.
  Bridget: Have you got a gun?
  Bridget: So no guns, no? Have you got an axe?
  Bridget: (after the task) It would have been much better with a gun.
- She ends up attempting to throw balls into a bucket from a distance of about five feet, missing almost every shot. She only finally succeeds in the last few minutes of the task.
  Greg: Bridget - and I'm not normally this direct - um, what’s wrong with you?
- The task takes place outside and Ardal ends up spending 14 minutes of the 20 allotted minutes in the house. When he finally emerges, his hair is covered in glitter, and it's never explained why.
- Chris successfully balances a series of objects on his chin, including a huge ladder. Ardal also tries to balance an item on his chin, a wooden spoon, but can only maintain it for less than a second, and then spends the last seconds of the task repeatedly spanking himself with it. This scores three points.
- Bridget starts to complain about scoring worse than Ardal. Greg adjusts his scoring so that Bridget is still behind Ardal but scores two points instead of the typical one. Bridget no longer vocally complains but makes a face at this news.
  Alex: Yeah, that's cheered her up.
The team task to deliver a cocktail to Greg gets off to a rocky start. Everyone but Bridget struggles to pick up the task and Judi doesn’t seem to realize what show she’s on.
Judi: (After the task is read) Who’s Greg?
[Later in the studio]
Greg: (To Alex) Did I just hear Judi say “who’s Greg?”?
Judi: No, I thought you said “Heg”.
Greg: Oh, good. And congratulations to Bridget as well, for being the only person of all five of them to figure out that knees bend.
- Judi tries to shove a banana through the tube on Sophie’s helmet using a grabber. After a struggle, Bridget makes the observation for Judi to just use her hand.
  Alex: It’s a rare moment in the series where Bridget is the voice of reason.
- Sophie tries repeatedly to take bottles out of the caravan using the grabber, dropping most of them and screaming whenever she does so. Bridget offers to take her place, and just walks into the caravan and picks the bottles up with her hand.
- One of the stipulations of the task is that the cocktail has to be shaken and stirred. The men put their cocktail in a bucket and, as Chris runs off to find a lid, Ardal decides to close the top of the bucket with his behind and starts vigorously shaking the bucket and having loads of liquid come out. They then try to put ice in the glass, but it bounces out almost every single time.
The panelists have to make an edible 150-gram sculpture. In a call-back to Series 4, it's actually a surprise two-part task where they then have to eat their creations.
- Chris manages to eat most of his solar system sculpture but says that he can't eat the raw spaghetti as he's not a child anymore. This leads to a bit of in-studio bonding with Greg.
  Greg: Did you eat raw spaghetti as a child? I did as well, and sometimes alone.
  Chris: (Confused) Well, it's not normally a group activity.
- Bridget makes some form of a bread-like concoction in the shape of a baby's head and its mother's breasts, floating on milk. After reading the second part of the task, she takes a reluctant bite and immediately regrets the decision.
  Bridget: (Looking around pitifully) Please don't make me eat it.
- Ardal's tofu ballerina sculpture ('Anastasia') is just too heavy, so he amputates her arm and gives her a walking stick.
The live task is to make a tall toilet roll tower and then throw shoes at the other contestants' to try and reduce their height.
- Sophie's tactic is to stand directly behind her tower while people are throwing at it, which seems to work as almost everyone misses - only Ardal hits the tower, and even then doesn't reduce its height at all.
  Chris: Have you got magic powers?!
- Chris tells Sophie that he'll be gutted if he hits her with his shoe ("I'll be That Guy that hit That Girl with that shoe") but she stands firm. When it's Sophie's turn to throw, Chris tries the same tactic of standing behind his tower but Sophie isn't phased.
  Sophie: (Shrugging) Yeah, I don't give a shit.
- Then it's Judi's turn, with Sophie still having the tallest tower. Her shoes are too flimsy, so Sophie offers to lend her her boots, which leads to:
  Judi: (sadly) But how am I supposed to kill you with your own shoes?
  Greg: Is it because you don't want to touch shoes without gloves?
  Judi: (in the same sad tone) Yes!
  Greg: Shall we get you a glove?
  Judi: Yes!
- She then misses Sophie's tower and inexplicably throws her other shoe at Ardal's, ruining her chances of winning the episode.
  Ardal: You can't win if you kill me!
  Judi: What happened?
  Bridget: Sophie's is the tallest — Sophie's is the tallest.
  Judi: Yeah, that was the practice, wasn't it — yeah.
As she is celebrating with her prizes, Sophie puts her face in the custard.

You Tuper Super

Ardal's prize task entry for 'best thing to hold above your head' is a table tennis bat. Specifically, because you can hold it above your head at a train station, which will cause tourists to follow you and allow you to skip the queue at museums.
In the 'learn Swedish' task:
- Chris tells Fred that he is feeling tired, and then he buries his head in his arms and pretends to fall asleep. He then asks Alex, in a whisper, if Fred has gone yet.
- Ardal asks 'Are you herring?' and then begins to sing a Swedish folk song, which he apparently learnt when he went drinking in Sweden with workers from a Volvo factory.
- Sophie begins the conversation by announcing that she is pregnant. She then proceeds to ask Fred if he likes McDonalds, after struggling to think of anything to say.
- When it gets to the scoring, Greg decides to award the lowest scores first. Chris immediately begins to wave and interjects with a "Hi guys," to which Greg hands him the 1 point. Judi then starts waving to Greg and also says "Hi guys," to which Greg hands her the 2 points.
The tongue task:
- Alex repeatedly apologising for the grossness of the task.
- Judi is proud about being able to still communicate in the tongue task, even though she was sticking her tongue out like everyone else. Alex replays a clip of her saying "Oh, for fuck's sake", and both he and Greg note how crystal clear she sounds.
The task to 'walk through the door with the biggest hat and the longest shoes':
- While everyone else correctly interprets the task as an arts & crafts task, Chris misunderstands it hilariously, believing he simply has to find a big hat and really long shoes. He eventually walks through the door wearing a cowboy hat and Alex's shoes (because they're one size bigger than his).
- At one point, Chris inexplicably picks up a coathanger in the shed and asks 'Is this a clue?'
- Judi, trying to convince Greg of the artistry of her attempt (which involved sticking lots of hats and shoes together):
  Judi: What I do with my work is I bring... harmony.
  Greg: Truly the work of a madwoman.
The live task is a game where the contestants have to list things belonging to a category and hope their teammate picks the same things. However, there are a lot of strange options listed:
- Judi considers both 'frogs' and 'birds' to be 'four-legged things larger than a rat'. When pressed by Greg, she claims that Jamaican frogs and birds are.
- For the same category, Sophie puts 'nice table'.
- Sophie's first purple thing is "blueberry."
  Alex: ... because they're purple.
  [Greg erupts in laughter]
  Sophie: Blueberries are purple! (Indignant) They're not blue!
  Chris: They are. It's in the name.
- Bridget lists 'rain' as a purple thing.
- Ardal lists a 'flute' and a 'blanket' as 'things that are nice to put in your mouth'.
- Same category: Chris puts 'tennis racket'.
- Judi trying to claim that 'fingers' and 'toes' are different from 'body parts' because they are at the ends, and body parts are in the middle.
- Both Bridget and Judi apparently wrote 'penis' on their boards, then erased it.
- Alex after the live task:
  Alex: That has affected the scores, you won't be surprised to hear... they've gone up.

It Might Be Wind

Ardal's entry for the prize task, once again. The brief is 'best thing with a handle', so Ardal brings a chess piece. When the others question where the handle is, the piece is turned around to reveal Ardal has just taped a plastic handle to its back.
- Sophie's entry is a wheel of fortune, which she describes as "a Rubik's Cube but flat", which you can use to make decisions for you. Ardal is not particularly impressed by the quantity of slots on the wheel.
  Ardal: There's only ten possible things that could happen to you for the rest of your life.
  Sophie: That's more than you were expecting!
In the 'deliver the most surprising thing' task:
- While contemplating what to do with their £50, Sophie considers keeping it and buying a burrito, whereas Judi says she's going to buy herself a man.
- Judi eventually does just spend £5, on a box of fish heads, and spends the rest on Nando's.
- Sophie gets some worms delivered, and uses the opportunity to insult Alex:
  Sophie: I thought you could relate to them. They're very busy... they have no spine...
- Bridget's delivery is a baffling collection of obscure facts related to Greg, being a man dressed as a Welsh king (as Greg claims to be descended from Welsh royalty), holding Greg's first record, wearing a swimming cap and a kaftan. This gets better in the studio as it is revealed Bridget spent all six hours of time trying to find out obscure facts about Greg, and yet could only find four. Apparently everyone she contacted - including Greg's doctor - refused to talk about him.
Bridget in the cup snake task is one of the all-time great Taskmaster disaster performances. After spending a while just standing in the barn appreciating the cups while the clock ticks down, she - as she put it - fucks herself by stepping out of the barn, effectively denying her access to most of the cups according to the task rules. She attempts to get around this by finding a log in the forest and putting what cups she can reach on top of it. Greg does allow it as a cup snake, but it is by far the shortest, and she gets one point.
From the shower task:
- Ardal asks for a wooden spoon and some yoghurt, but eventually changes plans and doesn't need them. When pressed in the studio by Greg, he reveals his plan was to hit a part of his body with the spoon so it would swell up and thus look different, with the yoghurt used to cool it down.
- Ardal's eventual plan involves putting his arm in a sock. He draws a face on the arm. Greg immediately identifies it as his arm but assumes Ardal was trying to make it look like his leg. According to Alex, he wasn't - he was trying to make it look like his neck. The marker face on his arm was somehow intended to look like his real face. In the background, Judi cannot stop laughing at this revelation.
- This quote from Ardal during the task:
  Ardal: I've got my trousers on my head, so I'm not okay.
- When he leaves the shower, Ardal doesn't have his trousers on. Funny enough by itself. But it gets better; when, naturally, everyone questions Ardal about this, he breaks down and admits that even he doesn't know why he took them off.
Bridget decides she can fit 54 cans into her bag in the live task. Alex then reveals there is a maximum of 55 cans.

The House Queens

Ardal wears the red leather jacket that he previously submitted in "The 75th Question" in the studio. Wearing the jacket, as Greg notes, seems to have given Ardal a lot more attitude.
In the prize task:
- Ardal abbreviates birth certificate to 'birth cert', and Greg makes him say the full name. When Bridget refers to DNA, Ardal forces her to say the long form as well - which she does, successfully.^note She then proceeds to stick her tongue out at Ardal and give him the middle finger.
- Bridget's prize entry is her children's teeth, hair, and umbilical cords.
- Judi bringing a necklace full of her blood and attempting to justify it by saying she'll pass it down to her children. Greg argues that that's only true of the blood inside her, and thus the blood in the pendant doesn't really need to be passed down. Judi's response:
  Judi: This necklace is if my blood starts to disappear.
- Then Alex handily points out that you can only store blood for 42 days.
In the liquids task
- Ardal claiming there's only three main liquids: the brandy, the water, and the milk.
- In the same task, Chris's angry frustration with different liquids being too warm and having bits.
- Bridget's deranged face while squirting a pipette full of vegetable stock into her mouth.
- Sophie struggling to take the valve lid off with a pair of chopsticks.
The task to put the most rubber ducks in Alex's basket while he rides his bike goes completely Off the Rails:
- Ardal never figures out that the "magic words" to make Alex stop are written on the ducks and just shouts out any words he can think of, including "shazam", "fiddlesticks", "shoes", "head boy", and "architecture".
- Sophie reverses one of the arrows that Alex is following, forcing him to ride in a tiny circle. After the task ends, Sophie asks Alex why he came up with a task that leaves him just as exhausted as the contestants.
- Bridget reads the rule that she can only carry one duck at a time, then decides it's ridiculous and disregards it, which gets her disqualified even though she otherwise gained a huge advantage by managing to yank the basket off the bike.
- Judi just stands in Alex's way to force him to stop and drags the bike to where she wants it to be, which causes the chain to fall off. After Alex fails to repair it, he starts running the bike around the track, but this doesn't stop Judi from continuing to physically dominate him - though she also disqualifies herself by moving more than one duck at a time.
For the "best multi-track song" team task:
- Before the task starts, the women all sketch Alex on their pieces of paper. No one tells them to — they just see they have a blank piece of paper each, assume it's something to do with the task, and begin sketching Alex for no reason.
- Ardal and Chris's entry is truly baffling to behold. None of the tracks particularly line up, Ardal clearly can't carry a tune, and there are repeated references to Chris putting an aubergine in Ardal's mouth.
  Chris: Annoyingly, the couple of tasks that I rapped about haven't been shown in the series, including the aubergine one, so that's just gobbledygook.
  Greg: Well, that's good to know, because I literally thought you'd gone mad.
  Alex: I don't know what he's talking about, this aubergine task. The women didn't have to do an aubergine task. I think he's making that up.
  Chris: I put an aubergine in his mouth.
  Alex: I don't think we'd make you do that.
  Ardal: You've got to believe us!
  Greg: That doesn't sound like this show.
- Bridget's contributions amount to one track of her whistling and the other of her providing stomping and dancing, while Sophie and Judi provide the lyrics. Ardal helpfully chimes in by referring to the girls as "the House Queens and Bez."
- Bridget's over-the-top gesturing while providing the foot-stomp percussion for her team's song prompts Alex to compare it to her performance in the pedometer task in "The 75th Question" and play the song over a looping video of her Silly Walk. The comparison reduces Greg to tears.
- Judi, after this, clearly fishing for compliments:
  Judi: Can we now just talk about my singing?
After the winner is announced, the contestants form a circle and start performing Bridget's Silly Walk from the pedometer task.

Series 14

General

Dara's role in the majority of the team tasks is the Only Sane Man who is doing most of the work, while getting visibly frustrated with his teammates Fern and John.
John casually flinging his jacket onto the ground at the beginning of every task. In the finale, it's shown that he tried to hang up his jacket normally at the beginning of the very first task he did but it fell down, which makes him just tossing it onto the floor in all following tasks even funnier.

The Chassis, the Wings

Greg's introduction to the series.
Greg: This show is a well-oiled machine, and I am your well-oiled host. Let me tell you, beneath this suit I am basted in the finest goose fat and ready to pop in the oven. And afterwards, take me out and I'll melt in the mouth. Mmm, delicious.
- Also, the Alex banter section from this episode, in which he reads from Greg's 700-page autobiography, called Greg? A Force of Nature:
  Alex: And then Greg Davies leapt off his horse and shouted 'That's how it's done, losers', and all the guys and girls watching him applauded and knelt down before him and they lay down before him and sort of curled up into balls before him and Greg picked them up and rolled them at a barn and roared at them.
Fern's prize task entry is a picture of a rescue chicken named after her owned by a comedy-loving farmer couple. Apparently at a low moment during the pandemic, she received a text message from them reading 'Fern Brady died this morning. She was doing what she loved best, eating breakfast out of David's hand.'
The box heads in the 'guess the film' task.
- Even better when Sarah involuntarily scratches it.
- Faced with a bowl of frozen peas intended to clue 'Frozen', John guesses 'Peas'. Greg asks him to elaborate in the studio, and he pitches a film in which a man is killed by the peas in his garden, who then start living his life.
- Munya sees a bow and says "I know the feeling of this." When Greg asks him to explain, he launches into a truly baffling story:
  Munya: So in Zimbabwe, we used to have nine gardeners. It's not cause we're bougie, it's because that's just the done thing... My dad was like, look. I can't afford these nine gardeners, it's too many. So he said, "We have to rank them." And he put me in charge of ranking them. So what I would do is I would give them tasks, I was a Zimbabwe Taskmaster. And one of the things I asked them to do was make me a bow and arrow. So the person who made me the bow and arrow was top gardener.
  (cut to everyone else's confused reactions)
  Greg: What the fuck is going on?!
- After Munya mentions Zimbabwe, Alex says that he brought up Zimbabwe in almost every single task. Sure enough, in the intro to the next task, Munya mentions Zimbabwe.
Alex introduces that the location tasks for this series are set in Gatwick Airport. He then claims to have borrowed the south terminal "for a laugh".
The toilet paper task:
- Fern dives straight into throwing entire rolls at the toilet, using up all her rolls with 13 (out of 15 allotted) minutes left on the clock. Every time she misses the toilet, she keeps repeating the phrase "Oh, no!"
- Munya saying "LeBron James" every time he throws the paper.
- Sarah managing to flush the toilet with one of her shots.
- John Kearns makes a little paper plane with his toilet roll, and the camera follows it gracefully down to the ground as it just misses the toilet. Greg comments that it was like an art film.
  John: From the maker of Peas...
- John Kearns: Physicist.
  John: [Confidently] With anything like this, I don't need power. Gravity will provide the power. So weirdly, I'm going to throw it up before I throw it down.
  [He does so; the toilet roll lands at least a foot away from the toilet.]
  John: [Deflated] Right, I might, I might try throwing it down now.
In the team task, Munya claiming he has a university degree in 'fish and birds'.
Munya: Some people call it psychology, but...
- Fern struggles to see a bird in her team's result.
  Fern: Is an eel a fish or a snake?
- Dara's increasing frustration with his team. When at the end of the task he tries to point out where the bird is on their drawing as Fern and John trudge back into the house, it comes off as an over-enthusiastic dad frustratedly trying to get his kids revved up on a boring camping trip.

Enormous Hugeness

For the prize task, Greg decides to tell the contestants for a change what the prize task is for the episode so he can then tell Alex:
Greg: That is how replaceable you are.
In the first task, the contestants have to print and laminate signs to put them on seats; then a second part of the task instructs them to obey all the signs.
- John messing with fonts. He does a few in Wingdings, which then backfires on him in the second part when he can't remember what the instructions he wrote were.
- Munya saying 'technology's like breathing to me' and then struggling with the laminator for some time. That leads to this exchange:
  Munya: I know for you, the laminator's like a PS5...
  Sarah: Sorry, what's a PS5?
  Greg: PlayStation.
  Sarah: Oh, right, for children.
- Many of Dara's signs are 'watch out for [x]' and he commits to obeying all of them with hilarious feigned surprise:
  Dara: Ooh, burglars! Ooh, high-value kidnappers!
  Dara: Muntjac deer!
  Dara: Oh no, the police! (runs off)
- Meanwhile, Fern:
  Fern: I can't do this instruction... 'poo in your pants'.
  - She says that the reason she can't is because it would bifurcate on the external metal thong of her costume.
- At the end of the task, John almost drops the laptop.
From the flour/grapes task:
- All of the contestants missing the hidden grapes, particularly Dara whose eyes were about a centimetre from where they were.
- John getting his face covered in flour.
  John: What you can't see is that I've got flippers for fucking hands!
- Fern's extended metaphor in which she is a drunk surgeon with huge hands operating on an old person's desiccated floury body.
- In a deleted conversation, Alex points out that as Dara left the room to find more grapes, there is technically no video evidence that he kept on the flippers that contestants were required to keep on their hands at all times, as the cameras in the house were switched off. Dara protests that he just assumed all the cameras in the house were active at all times so kept them on. This leads to a moment where both sides in the discussion seem to forget exactly which side is trying to trap the other in a lie ("Who's 'gotcha-ing' who here, exactly?"). Greg and Alex then get Dara to mime his actions to an audio recording of him in the house to determine exactly what happened, only to realise when they're done that the audio was so quiet that there was no functional point in doing it at all.
From the running machine task:
- Munya is hit in the face by the running machine task envelope. He then spills half his ducks right at the end of the task while trying to catch several socks.
- John finds a very small duck, then tries to argue that 'you can't buy ducks that small'.
  John: I'd've looked mad if I'd gone up to the pharmacist...
  Greg: Pharmacist?!
  Dara: Why are you buying ducks in a pharmacy?
  John: Well, where else do you buy them?!
- John later followed up on Twitter to demonstrate that his local pharmacist did indeed stock plastic bath ducks. Note the excessively, passive-aggressively large arrows.
- From Sarah's attempt:
  Sarah: How much time have I got left?
  Alex: You haven't got long... two and a half minutes.
  Sarah: I didn't ask for an opinion!
- Fern completely misses the bathtub at first, hunts around the garden and inside the caravan for ducks and socks, and Alex has to let her know that they're not hidden.
- Munya claims that he should have been good at this task since, as a child, he used to cover his bathtub in Vaseline and see how long he could keep his balance. This information leads to a bit too much sharing from Greg.
  Munya: It’s a game. So what you never played games in the bath?
  Greg: Yeah, I played games.
  Munya: Like what kind?
  Greg: (Evasively) You know…
  Sarah: That’s not a game, what you’re thinking of. That’s not a game.
  Greg: …see if you can use elastic bands to make it look like a submarine.
The bizarre questions in the live task, which are formed from each team member saying two words. Dara's annoyance with his team is once again particularly funny.
- Especially when they try to clue 'helicopter'...
  John: I wish...
  Fern: ...not to...
  Alex: ...not to? Uh, somehow turn this into a question please, Dara... and also, make it relevant to the word somehow.
  Dara: ...ascend vertically.
- Greg inevitably guesses incorrectly, but Munya and Sarah also make a mistake so we go back for another try at 'helicopter'. Even better, after this, Greg correctly guesses it:
  Dara: Which aircraft...
  Fern: ...crashes more...
  (the whole studio erupts into laughter; Dara puts his head in his hands and crouches down in what seems to be equal parts frustration, disbelief, and hilarity. Fern tries to insist that completing the question should be easy, but then we get...)
  John: ...into mountains? (more laughter)
- After Greg guesses the wrong word on Sarah and Munya's attempt (the word was "Dungarees", Greg said it was either that or "overalls" and chose "overalls") their second attempt leads to this
  Sarah: Not overalls...
  (Greg starts laughing)
  Munya: ...so it...
  Sarah: ...must be?
  Greg: Dungarees.

Dafty in the Middle

From the prize task:
- Fern's reaction to Greg eating her chicken soup:
  Fern: I thought you weren't gonna try that, because aren't you from Shrewsbury or something? You seem like you just eat roasts!
- Dara brought in a segmented frying pan and filled it with various breakfast items, including orange juice. He says the food was not wasted, and shows a (admittedly not very flattering) photo of him drinking the orange juice with a straw.
  Greg: Oh, it was you who drank it and not that old man?
The team task is to have half of the team's hands on someone's hips until the end and then get the most sand into a trolley within ten minutes, only able to move the trolley in the last minute.
- Both teams interpret the hands on hips part as forming a conga line, not realising it could be their own hips, immediately making the task more difficult for themselves. Alex admits he wasn't expecting both teams to be stupid enough to do that.
- Munya's 'divide and conga' pun which arises from this.
- Dara describes the thought process as trying to "human centipede it".
- Unbeknownst to Dara and Fern, John is given the extra task of sabotaging his team in the task, where he'll receive five points if they lose. Highlights include "accidentally" knocking over a top hat full of sand (leaving a perfectly hat-shaped pile) and dumping sand out of the trolley under the guise of misunderstanding the task, all the while Dara and Fern frantically try to get him to stop, and label him "Dafty in the Middle".
  (As John dumps sand out of the pots into the trolley)
  Dara: No, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
  Fern: JOHN, YOU IDIOT!
- There's also John's hilariously forced "Oh no", when Fern discovers one of the pots they were using has a hole in it.
- Dara realises that all of John's behaviour during the task suddenly makes sense now knowing that he was intentionally sabotaging.
  Dara: Can I say it's actually kind of a relief, because at the time I thought he was an idiot!
- John successfully sabotages his team. By a 0.1kg difference.
- Dara spends most of the task snarking to Alex, mainly because he can't really do much else with neither of his hands free.
- Munya punching the sand in a plant pot that didn't make it into the trolley, after getting mad at Alex for not counting down how much time he and Sarah had left.
Everyone's facial expressions when tasting the different ice creams in the "Identify The Ice Cream Flavours" task.
- Special mention goes to Dara and Munya desperately trying to morph their disgusted expressions into delight, as the task specifies that they must find the flavours delicious.
  Alex: [Upon Dara successfully guessing "chilli"] Sounds nice.
  Dara: [Visibly grimacing] It's not just nice, it's delicious.
- Greg describes Fern as like a drunk person buying something in a kebab shop, singling out the following quote:
  Fern: What is the sauce? What is that?!
- Sarah's first reaction is to laugh incredulously while, much like Fern, saying "What the fuck is that?!"
- Some of Fern's guesses include 'breast milk' and 'petrol'.
- Munya complains he's on a sugar-free diet.
  Alex: Will it have an instant effect on your body?
  (Munya nods)
  Alex: Then I'd love to see it.
The final pre-recorded task of the episode is to catch something in the most spectacular way.
- Sarah's first instinct is to try to catch an illness.
  Sarah: Has anyone got Covid?
- Meanwhile, Fern gets hung up on the idea of catching a living thing:
  Fern: What could I catch? Nothing's alive in here!
  Alex: You could just go outside and catch things.
  Fern: What what would I catch outside? The birds?
  Alex: Uh, I wouldn't worry about animals...
  Fern: ...People? Kidnapping?
- John tries to throw a ball over the house and catch it when it lands. Halfway through his attempt, he figures out the problem:
  John: The problem is, I'm not round here when it lands.
- Munya's attempt of having Alex throw a ball over the house and into the bucket he's holding, frustrates Alex to the point of swearing for the first time in the show.^note
- Fern launches into the air and catches a star with the help of CGI. Even better is the 'making of' video just showing Fern jumping. Greg notes that the special effects for Fern's attempt make it look like she's flying with the power of her own flatulence.
- Sarah's 'catching fire' effect being ruined by Alex running around in the background with a fire extinguisher.
- Dara's film Ooh My Baby, where he plays a mother in a shawl whose baby is flung into the air while she panics about it, only for Dara to heroically catch the baby while coolly sipping a cocktail.
In the live task, Alex pressing the wrong button on the decibel meter.
- Also, the fact that the task was clearly designed to go on for several rounds, but everyone gets knocked out within the first two.
- Alex asks John to read out the task because he is the contestant with the most points so far. Dara doesn't hesitate to add, "And a liar!"
- Greg repeating that he will be thrusting the electric toothbrush in and out of the bowl of marbles "in a regulation manner".

Crumbs in my Bralette

Alex unveils some new lines of clothing he's invented: gloveless fingers and pantless crotches.
The prize task is for greatest addition to a garden.
- Sarah brings in a copy of Shakespeare's plays. Greg is initially unimpressed until she reveals she uses it to stop her Magnum wrapper from flying away.
- Munya tells another bizarre story about a blackbird from his childhood that he named 'Smooth Rupert', who he has brought in a replica of for his prize task entry. Greg is baffled, so Munya tries to justify himself:
  Munya: So you've never looked out the window and seen a pigeon and thought 'that's an aggressive Dylan'?
The first task is to Turn On The Bubble Machine.
Munya: Turn it on how? Mechanically, or sexually?
- Dara quickly finds the remote control for the car taped underneath the table, and comments as he leaves that the last thing his wife had told him that morning was to always look underneath the table. The camera then pans down to the floorboards underneath the table, revealing an electrical cord that would have solved the task instantly if Dara had spotted it.
- John somehow manages to miss the batteries on the remote control car. Just for clarification - unlike some of the elements of this task, the batteries were not hidden. They were directly on top of the car.
- John also apparently wasted five minutes at the beginning of the task insisting that the machine was on because he had pressed the switch to turn it on.
  Greg: In the spirit of the task, the machine was definitely off.
  John: Yeah, it was off... but it was on.
- John also managed to re-insert the interior of the battery pack so badly that it gets stuck halfway in and even with Alex's help couldn't pull it back out.
- Alex kept describing everyone's times as "about five minutes" before giving their actual times.
The tarpaulin task.
- John takes forever to choose a container. He later stands still holding balloons for about 80 seconds. Greg comments that, even though everyone was doing the task alone, John looked more lonely than anyone else.
- Fern acting like a stroppy teenager.
- Munya picks the smallest container, a bread bin, which Greg derides both before and after his attempt. Munya's justification for his choice, however, is insane; he claims he believed there would be a hole underneath the bread bin that led to a sewer, out of which the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would come and help him with the task.
  Greg: I never thought I would long to hear Smooth Rupert come back again.
The contestants have to write down five fantastic words.
Munya: When I started learning a new word every day, people laughed at me. Now who's laughing? Me. Loquaciously.
- However, for his fifth word, Munya just writes 'Sex'.
- Munya criticises Eine Kleine Nachtmusik as being 'too British'.
  Alex: Note to Mozart.
Pretty much all of the songs qualify:
- John's song about a man complaining about finding a satsuma in his curry.
- Fern's song was mostly a diss track insulting the other contestants, calling Dara an imbecile and Sarah and Munya losers.
  Dara: I wasn't aware we were allowed to write a diss track!
- Fern calls John an obsequious child. She later apologises to John, stating that Dara is the actual obsequious one.
  Greg: Dara, you're not obsequious.
  Dara: (obsequiously) Thanks, Greg.
- Sarah's song, which spawned this episode's title. According to her, a bralette is a "comfier bra".
- Dara's song about getting defenestrated in Prague. Greg is more distracted by how much Dara's face fills the frame of the music video.
- Finally, Munya's rap, which makes very little sense. Greg calls it the most middle-class rap he's ever heard.
Alex is wearing his gloveless fingers during the live task.
From the live task of tossing an egg and spoon as close to each other as possible:
- Greg tries to throw Munya off by telling him one of his eggs contains the corpse of Smooth Rupert.
- John is eliminated first and is instructed to put his hand on his chin to show that he is out.
- When it comes down to the last two (Dara and Fern), Fern shouts Dara's name while he is tossing his egg in a bid to distract him.

Chip Biffington

The Prize Task is to bring in 'The Most Useless Thing You Have Brought That Cost Over £20'.
- Fern brought in a cat harness and leash, which is accompanied by a video of her trying to get her cat to cooperate with using, while it just rolls around and pulls the harness off.
  Fern: I cannot believe I thought this was a good idea.
- Greg describes the cat leash as "fairly S&M looking".
- John brings in a streaker that he brought for Subbuteo, which he loves, despite admitting that it is useless as he doesn't own any Subbuteo.
The task is to derive pleasure from the rubbish chutes.
- Alex's 'rubbish shoot' pun to introduce the task.
- John crawls through a tunnel of them and then struggles for some time to kick a football through one. Greg comments that he looked like he was demonstrably in pain throughout. The subtitles note John making a variety of noises in displeasure throughout the task. At the end of the task, pictures of all the contestants' faces are shown, to compare their pleasure. The other four all have genuine happy expressions. John looks like he’s trying to remember where he is after a night of heavy drinking.
- Both Fern and Sarah use the rubbish chutes to basically torture Alex. Sarah makes Alex wear her clothes while she throws food at him, while Fern traps him in a rubbish chute, throwing bananas at him, putting makeup on him, and making him eat ketchup.
- Fern explains her attempt as getting revenge on Alex for his passive-aggressiveness during the tasks.
- Dara's attempt causes Greg to compare him to his father beating him at tennis, which leads to this exchange:
  Greg: You're my dad, Dara.
  Dara: Oh... this is an interesting dynamic.
- Trying to make the comparison to a competitive dad again later in the task, Greg stumbles over his words slightly and it comes out in an odd accent, sort of like 'compatatav daad', which everyone has fun with in the studio.
  Greg: Dara, don't be such a compatatav daad!
The team task starts with the contestants listening to music. Munya and Sarah both dance along; then cut to the team of three, where Dara is the only one dancing, and Fern and John are just sitting there awkwardly.
- The team of three's terrible attempt at drawing their choreography. As the picture is shown on the screen, Fern leans over to John and asks “whose shit drawing is that?”. John reminds Fern that it was her drawing.
- Munya and Sarah consider doing an exercise routine. Sarah mentions that she might end up farting, to which Munya gives a genuinely worried and threatened expression.
- The team of three's attempt is the opening credits of a fictional 80s US sitcom called Scalpel Please! in which two doctors perform absurd surgery on a patient played by John, including removing his skull from his abdomen. The actors include Dara as Biff Chippington (playing a character named Chip Biffington) and John as 'Coco Pops', who plays a recurring patient who dies every week.
- Munya and Sarah's attempt is a training montage parody, with Munya as 'Sensei' and Sarah as 'Sarah'. They couldn't get a meat carcass, so one of the training exercises is Sarah punching a small baguette on a stick.
Greg comments on the airport location:
Greg: To me this is a childhood dream, to be in an abandoned airport.
Munya: I still got searched.
From the trolley bowling task:
- Dara talking about trolley bowling as though it's a professional sport.
  Dara: On the continent, [the airports] are built for speed.
- Munya asks Alex what his catchphrase is. Alex replies 'Happy birthday'.
- Alex comments "You're learning!" when Fern notices that she doesn't have to do a running start to push the trolley. Fern takes a moment to respond:
  Fern: Fuck off!
- In the studio, in regards to "You're learning!":
  Fern: He did his passive-aggressive thing again. [...]
  Greg: [turning to Alex] Patronizing.
  Alex: I think, that one, I was trying to be just nice.
- John gets worried that he may have overstepped the line and been disqualified, as his feet weren't shown in the footage. Alex says that they do have a screenshot to show of his attempt... of both his feet behind the line, meaning he's safe!
In the live task, both John and Munya forget the order of the alphabet.
- John's animal impressions aren't terrible on the whole, but he attempts to combine the letter 'V' with a wolf howling, leading to him repeatedly screaming 'Veee! Veee!' while his teammates fail to guess. Another highlight is his defeated 'Beeee...' as Dara and Fern struggle to guess 'crocodile'.
- John gets confused by the rules and goes to stand in front of the list of animals made by Dara instead of the one made by Sarah. Alex and Dara both immediately stop him.
  Dara: Those are our animals, I know all of them.
- Munya's impression of a dog involves sniffing Dara's bottom. Later, he starts his impression of a monkey by cuddling John's shoulders and wrapping both his legs around John's hips.

Long-Legged Lobster

Sarah's prize task is a picture of her in the late eighties surrounded by posters of Philip Schofield. John also notices a little cross on the wall, and asks if Philip is the figure depicted on the crucifix as well.
All of Alex's questions for John while he deliberates over whether or not to open the first task. It starts with:
Alex: What's your name?
John: John.
Alex: Star sign?
John: Kearns.
- Alex moves on to other questions:
  Alex: Favourite singer?
  John: ...Rufus Wainwright.
  Alex: ...yuck.
- Then he tries to go a little deeper:
  Alex: Biggest regret?
  John: I'm not going to say I haven't lived my life without regrets, but I tend not to dwell on them.
  Alex: Just give me a regret.
  John: I don't really have any. But I'm not one of those people who doesn't have regrets.
  Alex: So you do have regrets?
  John: Yeah.
  Alex: Right, what's the biggest one?
  John: ...fuck this.
- When John opens the task envelope and discovers the task:
  John (arms outstretched, holding two full cartons of milk): I've got a few regrets now.
- Greg questions John about his regrets in the studio.
  John: We've all got regrets, but I don't live with mine.
  Greg: Where are they?
- This then goes into a long discussion where John explains that his regrets are on the top shelf of his mind so that he can't reach them.
Other good moments from the first task:
- Sarah pouring her milk out on the lab floor. Alex comments afterwards that Munya had asked multiple times later why the lab stunk so much, and it turned out it was because of a patch of milk under the floor from Sarah's attempt at this task that the cleaning team had missed. Greg calls it 'Millican's milk pocket'.
- Munya, on his attempt:
  Munya: In my mind I felt like Moses in the Red Sea. I was holding the milk, the microwave is blowing, that's Jesus whispering to me... Honestly, I had a vision.
- Dara's moment of realisation that he's messed up "Wait, what? What, wait? ...wait, what?" Dara comments afterwards that this task was one of his low-shelf regrets.
Dara hopping off the travelator at the beginning of this episode's airport task.
Most of the walks in said airport task:
- The task offers bonus points for walking with style, which Sarah doesn't really do despite her amazing accuracy. She angles for the points anyway by saying she was wearing a nice coat.
- Dara's Soviet-style march.
- John skipping; Greg comments he has a Willy Wonka vibe. That leads to this exchange:
  John: I'm faster than I look.
  Greg: I'll make a note of that. (to Alex) You make a note of that.
  Alex: I'll have to go into Notes.
- Fern's attempt, which is completely out of sync - Greg calls it 'lacklustre and wildly inaccurate'. However, it transpires that Fern initially thought she'd done really well.
  Fern: (crying with laughter) I don't know what's real any more!
- She then goes further by describing the atmosphere on the day after she had completed the task:
  Fern: I kind of thought that there was some airport staff and they were looking at me funny, but I thought, "Oh, they're just really jealous of my costume".
Dara's comment when he reads the paint task: 'Wait, what?'
- Munya, being commended for his fast, action hero-style attempt in the task, says that he followed his American football team's motto, 'Speed and violence'. Dara also has a motto:
  Dara: It's in Latin... 'Waitus, whattus?'
- John's attempt at this task is basically like that of a clown. He reads the task, throws it away, and then decides he wants to check the details of the task, requiring him to move one of the stepping stones to reach it again. Just as he bends down to grab it, it blows away. Even when he does grab it, he is now further away from the target, and has yellow paint dripping all down his face. He then gets his camera helmet stuck on the row of flags, and then spends some time struggling to get over the rope.
The weirdly dramatic music for the final live painting task.
- Before the live task, Alex makes each contestant choose 'feet' or 'inches', with their answer deciding whether they have a 6-foot or 6-inch paintbrush. After the live task is over, and the 'inch' contestants' paintings are judged to be clearly better than the 'foot' contestants, Munya finally realises:
  Munya: Oh... so you lot chose inches.

The System of Endless Plates

John's submission for the prize task, "The Best Thing To Have On A Car Ride", is a sailor's hat. Greg demonstrates what his reaction would be if he saw him wearing that driving past:
Greg: (nudges Alex) Hey, look at this prick.
- Amazingly, this doesn't come last, as Munya brings in a stack of discs he claims to be able to stack in eight seconds while driving. He fails, and Greg comments that his failure would have caused a multi-car pileup, calling it the worst prize so far this series.
In the first task, contestants have to pick a room and a weapon. Dara, like others, picks the frying pan in the living room. When he enters said living room, we initially don't see what the rest of the task is:
Dara: Ooooh, okay, this was a bad choice.
[camera pans to reveal the living room is full of balloons]
- Alex cracking up at Munya, who also picked the frying pan, angrily slamming it into the balloons with no effect.
Munya commenting on the smell in the lab during the team task, with Sarah very quickly realising why it smells that way after some subtle reminding from Alex.
- When Munya leaves the lab for the first time, Sarah proceeds to hilariously recap what happened with hand gestures (as the team task prohibits speaking), and holds up two fingers at Alex and the camera crew.
- Sarah describes the smell as "a bit pumpy", and has to explain that pumpy is another way to say "fart". Fern chips in that in Scotland, pumpy has two meanings: farts or shagging. Greg hilariously proceeds to describe the potential exchange:
  Greg: If someone says they've "had a pumpy day", it's either tragic or glorious!
The team task is to move a feather from a cushion to the iconic bathtub. The cushion can't leave the lab, and it can't touch the floor and can't touch another object for more than five seconds, or the team has to reset. Also, they can't speak. The silent movie clowning atmosphere of this task is hilarious. Dara is visibly getting frustrated with Fern and John during the task, doing most of the heavy lifting while they spend a good chunk of it confused, as they move the feather using plates and a dustpan. Special mention goes to when they lose the feather and have to waste some time looking for it.
- How do they become aware that they've lost the feather? Dara simply points at the empty cushion while he stares at John and Fern.
- When they lose the feather, John brings a chicken statue into the lab with a sort of hopeful 'can we use this instead?' expression.
- There's also Dara, Fern and John lifting the sheet off of some cardboard boxes, revealing to their exasperation that the bathtub is not in its usual spot and that they have to find it.
- After the reveal that the bathtub had been moved, the team starts to direct the feather further down the garden. Dara runs ahead to check the rest of the garden, before he rushes back while waving his arms to tell the other two to go back. Only problem is, John and Fern then retreat too far back, which leads to Dara gesturing hard at the living room, where the bathtub had been moved.
- In the studio, Fern flagrantly takes credit for having the idea to rest the feather on multiple paper plates, despite this idea clearly being Dara's. Cuts to Dara's indignant expression during the conversation make it clear that he was about to correct her — at length — before everyone got distracted by Fern's description of the tactic as "a system of endless plates".
- Also, when discussing Featherlossgate, Fern and John confusedly discuss whose fault it was that the feather disappeared. Dara, meanwhile — not for the first time this season — merely sits beside them, slumped in defeated resignation, looking like he doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry.
- The team of three's attempt wasn't the disaster that Munya and Sarah's was however, as their first instinct was to try and use a leafblower to keep the feather in the air. Munya spent some time looking for a leafblower, including in the shed, but couldn't find one; when Sarah goes to look in the shed, she finds it immediately and looks ecstatic about it. The leafblower plan, however, doesn't work at all.
- Then, after some time has passed, Sarah comes into the lab with some plates and a tray, thinking of the same method as the other team. Munya's bewildered expression as he comes in with a huge tube is priceless.
- It turns out Munya's idea was to construct a pipe tunnel to the bathtub (he has to write this down for Sarah to understand), and use the leaf blower to move the feather down it and into the bathtub.
- The task is edited as such that it looks like Munya and Sarah have done on par with if not better than the team of three, as the video clip is about the same length and there's not many examples of them failing the five second rule. When Alex reveals the score, however, it turns out they were 17 minutes slower than the other team, sending the whole studio into uproarious laughter.
Fern calling mannequins 'pretend men' in this episode's airport task.
- Sarah and Fern both kicking the exercise balls directly into the airport ceiling.
- The prize for most controversial exercise ball kick, however, goes to Munya, who adds himself to the infamous list of Taskmaster cheaters by lightly striking the ball with his foot mid-attempt to send it in the right direction. When this is revealed, Greg, who had been praising Munya's confidence up to this reveal, takes his glasses off with an expression of utter disappointment and devastation.
During the live task, Munya invokes "the power of a thousand ancestors" before trying to move a beach ball with a pair of bellows. Cue the tiniest puff of wind and the beach ball not even making it off the podium.
Alex: Maybe try a few more ancestors.

The One That Bats Do

Entries for the prize task (best fancy dress) include a plague doctor's mask, an inflatable walking stick, and an alien disguised as a Scottish boy.
The secret language task:
- Munya and Sarah brainstorming their language - or rather, Munya brainstorming the language while Sarah laughs at how impractical his system is. For example, he suggests that three of the handbells should represent 'hard', 'medium', and 'gently'.
  Sarah: One of the key words in my life is not gently!
- Later on:
  Munya: There is literally no fault in this method. (Sarah laughs)
- Greg questions Munya in the studio on another of his choices, to have bells representing the words 'punch' and 'lick'.
  Munya: Most situations can be solved with either a punch or a lick. Tell me any situation.
  Sarah: Now. (looks over at Munya, makes a fist) Actually, you're right.
- For what it's worth, though, Munya and Sarah's language actually works very well, and it's the team of three who utterly fail this task. Mainly because John repeatedly interprets Dara's 'e' as a 'c', even after being told that it's wrong. In the studio, Dara excessively praises Fern's helpfulness in the task at John's expense.
  Greg: John, anything you want to say in your defence?
  John: My brain doesn't work that way...
  Fern: Your brain doesn't work!
- Then comes the reveal that the team of three got the instructions wrong, which means that Dara had cost their team the points.
The 'alluring animal' task.
- Alex asks John what animal he finds alluring; John replies with 'the Cadbury bunny'. When pressed on this in the studio, he says that it's all right because she's fictional.
- Fern meanwhile doesn't find the tiger alluring because she's 'not a pervert'.
- Greg, commenting on Dara's attempt:
  Greg: Dara has a very dainty walk for a big man, like one of those Spanish horses who can dance.
  (Dara mimes prancing)
- The contestants have to walk to the alluring animal while blindfolded. Most of them practice the walk beforehand or leave themselves some clues, but Fern insists on going right away, and then gets hopelessly lost. Greg asks her what her strategy was, and it turns out she was planning to use echolocation.
  Fern: I was gonna use the one that bats do, where you make a clicking sound.
- John leaves himself some string to follow, but he then completely misses the tail and gets tied up in the string. According to Alex, John accused the production team of moving his tail for a good two hours.
The hands task involves the contestants finding a picture of the back of their own hand. The challenge comes from their hand being hidden amongst pictures of three thousand other hands... and a dog's paw.
- Munya brings a duck to the start of the task.
  Munya: I've abduckted him.
- Dara does hopelessly at the task, not managing to find his hand (as he thought he was looking for his right hand instead of his left). The VT ends with a cinematic shot retreating away from Dara as he sits hopelessly on the floor of the garage that wouldn't look out of place in a psychological thriller film.
  Dara: (echoing) So many hands. They all look the same. Where is my hand???
- Munya solves the task using a laser pointer to find his hand. Apparently he succeeded with this strategy because he used to play laser tag against Marines.
- While stretching up to put the pointer in its cradle, Munya wonders out loud whether his boiler suit is giving him a cameltoe, and then immediately protests when the camera pans down to investigate.
- During his attempt John invokes Russell Watson's appearance on Desert Island Discs, talking about when he was playing the piano and looked down and realised he had his father's hands. Greg and the others rib him for this in the studio:
  Greg: What you're saying is, the opera singer Russell Watson [starts cracking up] said in interview you saw of him, he realises his dad's hands look like his hands, and this affected your system here of looking for your hands, when you had your own fucking hands in front of you? Why bring that into this at all?
  John: It's easier to look for your dad's hands than your own.
  Greg: Dara, you hampered yourself by picking the wrong hand.
  Dara: See, I made the mistake, I was looking for my aunty's hands. Because Placido Domingo said to me once...
  Greg: John, at one point I'm fairly sure that you chose a black hand.
  Munya: Those are my dad's.
- Alex says that during her attempt, Fern asked 'who invented left and right, and what's it for?'
- Sarah cleverly breaks the task by positioning her hand differently as it was photographed, allowing her to easily pick it out. In the studio, she claims this wasn't intentional and she just wanted to look like she was 'wanking a cock off'.
The live team task of having to guess the length of various items when they’re fully extended.
- Fern's thinking regarding the length of the tape measure in the live task, which causes Alex to crack up:
  Fern: A tape measure is supposed to measure everything in the house!
- John is in charge of placing his team’s marker for the last item, a vacuum cleaner. John, Fern, and Dara all agree to place their marker behind that of Sarah and Munya. Just as the whistle blows, John gets the whole studio in a frenzy - especially Dara and Fern who both start berating him - by spontaneously moving his marker to in front of the other team’s. However, Greg puts the marker to its original placement after clarifying that it was moved just after the whistle. It turns out though that the vacuum was much shorter than either team thought and John’s placement would have given them the win. Dara and Fern can only stare in stunned silence at this revelation.

A New Business End

The prize task is to bring in the most underestimated item.
- Munya's bizarre 'Zimbabwean trick boomerang' prize, which he claims he used to kill the Norfolk Panther.
  Sarah: Is there a chance that you've killed someone's dog?
- Also, Greg makes no bones about how he's pretty sure Munya's story will be complete bullshit:
  Munya: So, have you lot ever heard of the Norfolk Panther?
  Greg: Widely discredited. Go on.
- Sarah's prize is a copy of the Joy of Sex, which leads into a discussion of eating food off people's bodies. Greg asks Alex if he's ever done that.
  Greg: Have you ever used food during sex?
  Alex: Oh yeah.
  Greg: Yeah? What've you done?
  Alex: Everything, what haven't I done? Chips - done!
  (everyone cracks up)
During the intro to one task, Sarah notices an extra task envelope underneath the table, and reads that one first. Turns out it just says "Hello Sarah."
The task to snort, blow a raspberry, and then whistle in that order, most correct sequences wins.
- Fern barely manages to get one sequence out and then spends the rest of the time trying to do it again while struggling with a massive giggle fit.
- Alex introducing one clip:
  Alex: John Kearns can't whistle, but Sarah Milli-Can.
- Sarah does her horn noise again when the task is over.
- Alex reveals that during the task, Sarah experienced a Kairos moment, when you feel like time is standing still. According to Alex it happens to people during grief, or during this task.
The playwriting task.
- John struggles to write for some time. When we finally see his paper, he's just written 'Man' and underlined it.
- Fern's play, in which a cat reveals its existential angst to its owner. In the studio, Fern said she wrote it because she just likes thinking about what it would be like if her cat could talk.
- Fern's impression of Sarah Millican in her play, complete with 'Howay!'
- And along similar lines, John's excessively Southern American accent in Dara's play.
- The theatrical energy Dara puts into John's otherwise quite minimalist play, turning two lines of dialogue into a gripping film noir.
- The highlight, however, is Munya's play. Before we even see it, Munya says: "If you sellotape two ping-pong balls over your eyes and listen to white noise you will hallucinate; I wanted to create that for my actor". When we actually see Munya's play, it turns out he wasn't exaggerating or paraphrasing at all; that is exactly what he makes Sarah do, with no dialogue or other stage directions of any kind. Sarah is very annoyed, while Greg dismisses it as "pretentious nonsense" and gives Munya last place.
In the art task:
- Munya claiming 'plinth' is not a word in the intro to the task.
- The task requires contestants to use the 'business end' of their selected brush, which causes some problems for Fern and John:
  Fern: What's the business end of a sausage?
- Later, the 'business end' of John's sausage brush falls off.
- Munya spots a tiny second face in Fern's portrait.
- This, when coming back from the break:
  Greg: I am rabid to see more self-portraits.
  Alex: I'm rabid too, Greg, I'm extremely thirsty and I keep attacking dogs.
- In Dara's painting, he includes some brown smudges in the background, which he calls 'the Irish mountains'. When John's painting comes up, there's a green smudge in the background, which John also claims as 'the Irish mountains'.
- This bizarre exchange:
  Munya: When I was at uni, I was so scared of going into my overdraft that I used to buy thirty sausages for 15p. And as you can imagine, there weren't any sausage in them.
  Greg: (sounding genuinely excited and desperate) Where did you buy 50 sausages for 15p?!
  Alex: Calm down, calm down...
  Greg: (checking his watch) What time are we finishing?!
Fern, during the live task, trying to remove a towel tied tightly around her ankle:
Fern: I feel like a horse!
Alex: Yes, you look like a horse.

Did I Meet These Potatoes Before?

Fern submits tarot cards as her prize entry which she says represent Taskmaster, including a picture of the Devil hunched on a throne. Greg mimics the devil's pose on his throne.
- While discussing Dara's prize task entry (an asteroid), everyone starts making callback references to their entries... except Dara is only the penultimate person to present his prize:
  John: (sadly) ...you haven't seen mine yet...
- John does end up winning the task (albeit with only three points) with his prize: a fridge magnet of Jet from Gladiators.
In the first task, John failing to hang up his coat on the door.
'Eat the grape, fastest wins':
- John cannot find the grape at all (it is on a pedestal admittedly some distance from the caravan, but still reasonably visible). He tries opening a can of chickpeas, and then asks if the caravan's aerial is 'a ladder to somewhere'. He comes last. Even better is that John actually managed to get out of the caravan quite quickly, including skipping a portion of the puzzle by managing to cut the rope even with the padlocked scissors (a technique Alex seemingly didn't even believe was possible going by his bewildered look at the camera), only to then lose it on finding a grape in plain sight.
- Fern tries to gnaw through the rope instead of cutting it with the scissors. She then attempts to eat some of the fake grapes; Alex's quiet 'no' to stop her from doing so is hilarious.
- After Sarah and Fern had found the hidden grape:
  Greg: You alright John?
  John: (sadly) I'm opening chickpeas.
During the sculpting team task:
- John asks Fern if she has green hair (she doesn't). They'd been doing team tasks all day up until that point.
- The team of three, under greater time pressure than the team of two, still manage to sculpt reasonable faces of Dara and Fern. John's face, however, is a crushed-up mess with no discernible features whatsoever.
- Having to do tasks with John all day has clearly taken its toll on Dara.
  John: Dara, what colour are your eyes?
  Dara: Blue.
  John: Sinatra Blue?
  Dara: Oh, shut up.
  Greg: If there was ever a short conversation that summed up the dynamic of a group...
- After seeing the teams reading the task, Greg questions whether this one is fair, as the team of 3 have to use two different people's hands for the sculpting. Alex's response?
  Alex: No, it's fair.
  [Beat]
  Greg: Right then.
In their first task in the house, the contestants had to order three items for their final task.
- John expects a trick:
  John: I could order something that could be completely useless.
  Alex: Yes. So don't order that.
- Most of the contestants order amusing random items, including Fern ordering a bunch of potatoes and Munya ordering 'Moon Shoes' (shoes with mini-trampolines in them). Dara takes the cake, however, ordering a 'Rented Nice Person' and two pints of Irish cider. When Dara gets his items, the Rented Nice Person is just sitting meekly on top of one of the plinths.
The actual task is to throw one item over the caravan, cover one of the remaining items with the other, and move that item to the barrel without using your hands.
- Fern completely forgets she'd ordered any items at all.
  Alex: Do you recognise your items?
  Fern: No... Wait, did I meet these potatoes before?
- Having thrown his first item, John is left with a baseball cap and a burger. The solution (to carry the burger under the cap Paddington-style) seems obvious, and he does eventually go for it, but John spends some time (at least five whole seconds) just silently contemplating the burger before taking a huge bite out of it. There is some discussion in the studio about whether or not John's entry counts because some of the burger was in his digestive tract instead of on the barrel.
- Dara just tells his Rented Nice Person to go and sit on the barrel with the cider under his jacket.
- While noting that her attempt to throw scissors over the caravan was an utter failure, Sarah tries to pick apart Dara's effort to throw one of the glasses of cider over the caravan by pointing out that some droplets of cider would have landed on the caravan roof, meaning not all of the cider went over. Alex notes that they've reached the point of the series where this sort of attempted pedantry-based sabotage tends to occur.
- Fern's attempt is both the most ludicrous and the most hilarious, however. She spends quite a while struggling to throw the bird over the caravan. Then she barely covers the felt-tip pens with the potatoes, just sort of scattering them on top. Finally, she tries to move the pens across to the barrel using the potatoes as gloves; she does have the bright idea of moving the barrel closer but it hardly helps. And on top of all of that, during her attempt, she seems to believe she's doing the task really well. She comes last.
- In the studio Fern discusses why she chose to throw the bird, instead of the hard-to-cover pens or potatoes:
  Fern: Everyone said they'd throw the potatoes. But to me, the obvious thing was to let the bird fly.
- Her attempt to be recognised as having completed the task, despite the pens being clearly visible when "covered", is also quite good:
  Fern: If someone asked me, "can you get a green felt-tip pen?", I'd say "I can't, they're covered in potatoes!"
Greg seems to find the final live task, in which the contestants release balloons to get as close to him as possible, genuinely exhilarating.

Series 15

General

Kiell's indignation at being marked down points, and Greg gleefully taking advantage of this to mess with him.
Frankie's absurd, baffling prize task entries.
Ivo's constant awkward politeness, which doesn't always turn out well for him. Especially funny in his team tasks with Frankie, whose plans he is often too meek to interrupt, giving them a hilarious sort of 'distant father and son' dynamic.

The Curse of Politeness

The prize task is to bring in something dependable that weighs just about 1 kg:
- Though the episode name won't be directly stated until a later task, Ivo demonstrates his suffering from the Curse of Politeness almost immediately; before introducing his prize, he tries to praise Frankie's entry and how difficult it will be to follow, but does so in such a weird, stilted manner that Frankie asks if he's auditioning for a Radio 4 panel game.
- Kiell, arguing for a toaster as the most dependable thing:
  Kiell: Every time you put it down, it burns the thing and pops it up... Once bread has become toast, it can never be bread again.
The fact that all the dances from the 'first dance at your wedding to Alex' task are done in complete silence (presumably because of music rights issues) apart from their heavy breathing making them all seem rather sinister.
- Kiell and Alex doing the worm.
- Frankie comments before the task 'This is my chance to choreograph'. However, when the dances are shown, Frankie's is by far the worst, just involving him and Alex bobbing about to no discernible rhythm, and then snogging (which Greg calls 'the most stomach-churning kiss that's ever been televised').
  Ivo: Always nice when a bride looks at their watch in the middle of a wedding dance.
  Frankie: I wanted to get it bang on time!
- Ivo jumping over a cow and clattering about on a balance board and some swivel chairs.
- Mae, after their dance:
  Mae: This is what our life together would be like.
  (Alex nods awkwardly and walks off)
The string task:
- Jenny remarks while unspooling the string that they'll probably ask her to spool it all back up again. When she discovers that this is indeed the case:
  Jenny: Why would you do that to me?
- She then says this again when Alex tricks her into thinking she's won the task, when she has in fact only come second.
- Mae spots and opens a drawer containing another ball of string almost immediately. In the studio, they comment that it felt almost like a flash of divine intervention from the Lord, which prompts this from Frankie:
  Frankie: It's good that He's sparing the time from all these people who are dying in natural disasters and whatnot... to look in on this show.
  Alex: He's got to have a hobby, hasn't he? He's a fan!
The barge task:
- Jenny crashing the barge. Greg comments that she'd be a terrible pilot, as instead of doing anything to stop the barge from crashing, she merely shouted 'Brace brace!' and went into the wall at full speed.
- During Frankie's attempt, he steadily approaches one of the rings. Alex remarks that there is no way Frankie will miss. The barge then proceeds to sail past said ring.
- Ivo's hyperactive excitement during the barge task. This then backfires on him when he breaks the rudder off.
  Ivo: I'm on a boat!
  Alex (deadpan): Yes, you're on a boat.
- Kiell's Ear Worm song, which gets referenced throughout the rest of the episode.
  Kiell: ♫ One on a barge pole, for meee! ♫
In the live task, the contestants have to throw items into a suspended bucket, but if their bucket falls off its perch, they are disqualified.
- After a few rounds, Ivo and Kiell take the lead. Ivo then decides to go on the offensive and throw his ball at Kiell's bucket, knocking it off, only for Kiell to immediately respond in kind, disqualifying them both. Frankie and Jenny consequently become the joint winners of the task, with no items in either of their buckets (Mae having knocked their own bucket off earlier).
- Greg calls Ivo a bad boy after this. Alex then notes that Ivo's actions meant he came in last place in the episode.
  Ivo: I've been referred to as a bad boy for the first time in my life, I don't care where I come! The curse of politeness is lifted!

Trapped in a Loveless Marriage

The prize task is the object that makes you feel the weirdest when you look at it.
Alex: I feel weirdest whenever I look at petrol up close for a really long time.
- Kiell brings a glove on a foot.
  Kiell: I knew it had to be a feet thing, cause feet are weird, innit, what are they?
- Alex then takes his shoes off to reveal he is wearing latex gloves on his feet. He claims to have been wearing them under his socks on every episode of the show thus far.
- Mae, trying to defend their prize task of a mirror:
  Mae: Are we the meat, or are we the viewer?
- Jenny brings in a magic eye and challenges Greg to spot the picture. The image only flashes onto the screen for a single frame, but it's long enough for everyone to register what it is - it's the unflattering photo of Greg that Rhod Gilbert kept bringing in as a prize task during Series 7.
The Horne Section, Alex's band, show up for the first task.
- Kiell tries to ask the age of his assigned band member (keyboardist Ed Sheldrake). He guesses 41, and is told he is wrong. Then he opens the task:
  Kiell: Compose a solo for this 41-year-old man. I was right! ...It doesn't say that.
- Later, Kiell asks Ed the keyboardist, who is standing behind a keyboard, 'What instrument do you play?'
- When Jenny meets Joe the trumpeter, one of the first questions she asks him is whether he has piles or not.
- Also, her weird shouty scatting when composing her solo, and the fact that it's called 'The Ni Ni Ni Ni Na Na Song'.
- Upon leaving the caravan, Ivo notices Mark the saxophonist standing by the other side of the door. Ivo then silently looks at Alex, before turning back to Mark, and so forth for some time.
- Ivo's attempt to build a saxophone includes spraying a cactus gold and sticking some spoons to it. His solo is called 'Toxic Gold Fumes'.
- Mae makes Will the bassist take his shoes off and pluck a few strings with his toes.
The teams meeting each other is always a good moment and this series might have one of the best examples:
- Team of three: Mae comes out first and picks up the potato for the task. When Jenny arrives and asks about the potato, they claim to have brought it from home, for luck. Later, when Kiell shows up, Jenny asks him if he'd like a turn holding the potato.
- Team of two: Frankie arrives first, then Ivo comes through the front gate. Frankie gives Ivo a brief glance and then looks away, completely disregarding him. In the studio, it turns out Frankie initially thought Ivo was just some bloke delivering something.
- Ivo demonstrating the curse of politeness again when he meets Frankie:
  Ivo: Sorry to interrupt you about the potato.
Good moments from the team task itself:
- Every time something touches the red green, the teams have to put all their equipment back and return to the drawing board. While the team of three are having to do this, one of their oil drums starts rolling towards the red green; Kiell desperately runs after it, and successfully stops it from rolling... at the expense of running over the red green himself.
- While the potato is being lifted, Jenny sings 'Come on, magic potato, up to the sky!'
- Frankie and Ivo's team dynamic is described variously as 'a 1970s sitcom about people from different classes' or 'a father-son dynamic, where the father and son don't spend much time together'. In this task, Ivo spends a lot of time initially rubbing out the words 'The Drawing Board' on the drawing board, while Frankie does most of the work.
- Later, Frankie uses the term 'geodesic dome' and Ivo seems so amused by the name that it derails any purpose to the conversation.
As the intro to the 'impressive effect in one breath' task, the task is standing vertical on the table, and Alex blows it over. For three contestants this works well. For Jenny, when he breathes, the task flips over by mistake and ends up the wrong way round. The crowning moment here, however, comes with Frankie, who just grabs and opens the task before Alex can do anything with it.
- Both Mae and Kiell try to blow a ball down a system of pipes. The difference is that Mae manages it successfully, which is juxtaposed with Kiell aggressively breathing on a golf ball sitting in his hand and failing to get it to move whatsoever.
- Jenny initially asks for a dying frog she can resuscitate. She later sets fire to a small corner of the caravan curtain and then blows it out.
  Alex: Can we stand down all the fire officers now?
  (Cut to several crew members standing opposite the caravan with a hose)
- Frankie whistling to interrupt someone's golf swing on the course that adjoins the Taskmaster house.
  Frankie: Everybody hates golf... I've never really played golf, because I'm not trapped in a loveless marriage.
- According to Alex, golf was not Frankie's original plan; he previously wanted to whistle in a church or at a matinee.
- Ivo's terrible attempt. He first tries to call a radio station and do a large breath live on air, but keeps getting rebuffed. Then he tries to call Greg, but it goes to his answerphone. Finally he calls Ed Gamble, and while he does so, plans to blow a basketball onto a tray of glasses, apologising for the inevitable glassware damage. He calls Ed, and then inexplicably does a wide-mouthed gaspy breath to try and blow the basketball, meaning it does not move whatsoever. Even when he does manage to move it, it just lands on the glass and bounces off without breaking anything. Ed hangs up.
- Kiell getting annoyed with Alex in the studio, after he questions Greg's initial decision to put him above Ivo and Jenny (which Greg ends up agreeing with, giving them all one point).
- Frankie, while Greg is spending some time over the scoring and lamenting that he doesn't want to give anybody five points:
  Frankie: Are you sure you're not just jaded with the concept of the show?

I Love to Squander Promise

Alex's introduction to the prize task, making clear his thinly veiled frustration at Greg's arbitrary scoring methods:
Alex: Greg's gonna judge them, and the most heroic thing should get five points, as long as he doesn't go all wacky with his scoring. Nine points? No, one point! Everyone can have seventeen points! He's a wonderful boss.
The prize task for "The most heroic thing", which more or less turns into the naked emotional manipulation round.
- Ivo starts strong by making a sculpture of Greg's face out of Heroes chocolates.
  Ivo: Because you're my hero. [beat] Bit desperate that, but might as well get everything you can before he starts talking to someone else.
- Jenny claims her hero is her dad, who's now dead, "so a couple of points there." She's brought in some of his hair.
  Greg: How am I going to put a chocolate mask above that?
- Kiell then tries to get in on the sympathy points, highlighting his dad is dead as well.
  Greg: Does your dead dad have anything to do with the prize?
  Kiell: ...Could be. If it helps.
- Kiell's prize, however, is just a cape made out of a sheet with Enrique Iglesias's face on it... because he can be your hero, baby.
- Mae's coward glasses, which are just pictures of their eyes stuck over the lenses of glasses. They use Ivo as their example of a coward who might use them.
- Frankie brings in some fanart of Wolverine and Captain America. Some erotic fanart of Wolverine and Captain America.
  Frankie: Things have to approached carefully with the gay superhero, cause if you want to get a blowjob off Superman, he might suck you inside out.
  Greg: I don't think Frankie wants to be a part of this show any more.
- This leads Alex to go on a tangent about all of the Slash Fic that's been written about him and Greg, naming individual stories. Greg is particularly tickled by one called 'Filthy Little Ferret'.
The timekeeping task:
- The contestants have to write 40 words, each of which is either the same length or shorter than the previous one. Jenny realises this doesn't stop her from writing forty of the same word, so she just writes 'imagination' 40 times. Alex points out the irony of writing the word 'imagination' over and over again.
- Mae finds a mirror on a stick, which clues them into finding a clock on the caravan roof, by which they try to measure time... until they return to the clock, and realise that (due to weather issues, not one of Alex's tricks for once) the hands haven't moved at all. Their worried face as they look directly into the camera and say 'Uh oh, it's not moving' is hilarious.
- Ivo's attempt, in which he becomes obsessed with the many hourglasses in the caravan and counts Mississippi over and over again. He then finds the clock on the roof and tries to pull it through the skylight, which doesn't work; eventually he just resorts to yelling at golfers to ask them the time.
- Mae, attempting to avoid getting disqualified over the words portion of the task, claiming that in Canada, 'humiliate' is pronounced something like 'hoomleyate'.
Jenny's sheer enjoyment of the potato catching task, which is almost spoiled when she realises she could be disqualified for using a pen (as the task rules specified contestants weren't to touch anything)
Jenny: It was the best day of my life, and now you're taking it away from me!
Frankie: And her dad's dead!
- When Greg says he'll let it slide, Jenny breaks out into an excited chant of 'He's let it slide! He's let it slide!'
The fight scene task:
- Greg describing Frankie and Ivo's introduction to the task as being like a sinister children's show.
- Also from Ivo and Frankie, when planning their scene:
  Frankie: How's your fight?
  Ivo: I am weak and cowardly, so I am happy to take the role of victim.
- In the team of three's fight scene, Jenny twirling the parasol while cackling evilly.
  Mae: She hoomleyated us.
- Frankie and Ivo's fight is just absurd. Frankie plays a bailiff who comes to throw Ivo out of the caravan, and attacks him when he refuses, only for Ivo to whistle and summon a horde of people wearing Ivo masks, who beat Frankie up with various implements.
- At one point during the fight, Ivo swings a folding chair over his head... and puts it gently down on the ground so he can watch Frankie get beaten up, while he reads a book on flower arranging.
- Frankie reveals in the studio that some of the Ivos who were beating him mercilessly in that scene were played by his own children.
The sausage exam live task, and Greg cracking up whenever Alex says 'ding ding!'

How Heavy Is The Water?

The prize task is to bring the most fun thing to wear on your head that you aren't supposed to.
- There are plenty of good entries this time around, from Jenny's traffic cone tea cosy to Mae bringing an upside-down blow-up doll with their face on it.
- The crown is taken, however, by Frankie, who in his tradition so far of completely bizarre prize tasks, brings in a model of the Child Catcher scene from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, constructed out of Sylvanian Families toys.
From the drum task:
- Ivo initially deciding it would be fitting for the statue of Greg in the garden to be playing the drums.
  Alex: Are we going to him or is he coming to us?
  (cut to a shot of Ivo struggling to lift the statue of Greg)
  Ivo: We're going to him.
- While assembling his drumkit in front of Greg, Ivo trips and knocks all the drums over. He then realises about halfway through the task, after several failed attempts, that all he's really done is move the drums, which doesn't help him complete the task whatsoever. He comes last.
  Ivo: It was the first task we did, and after it was finished, I retired to a little room and sent some very angry texts to my close family.
- Mae hits on the plan of attaching the ball to some string so they can control the ball's movement. They go to get some string, and also bring a hat back with them.
  Alex: Why did you bring a hat?
  Mae: To look good for the drum solo. Isn't that what... is his name Slash?...
  Alex: Greg.
- Mae using the string, however, causes much controversy in the studio over whether or not it constitutes a 'throw'. What follows is perhaps one of the best-ever scenes of quibbling over rules and Exact Words in the studio, including Frankie bringing up seemingly endless analogies to justify his point, Kiell shouting 'Zero! It's got to be zero!' and insisting 'a drop is not a throw', and this, after Greg argues Mae's 'throw' should count because there was 'definite wrist':
  Ivo: There's definite wrist, Greg, but I don't "throw" my penis across the room every morning.
  Jenny: Do you use string?
- To resolve the quibbling, Alex has to look up the definitions of the word 'throw' and then the word 'cast'.
  Alex: (with sarcastic enthusiasm) This is my favourite thing ever.
- Then this:
  Greg: Do you know the thing that's swinging it in your favour the most, Mae?
  Ivo: Swinging? Or throwing?
The various things that get ordered in the egg boat task, from Mae trying to circumvent the 'all items must begin with the same letter' rule by calling armbands 'plastic inflatable water wings', and Jenny trying a similar strategy, albeit less effectively, with 'baffer tape'.
- Jenny later asks for 'umpteen bras', which Ivo says sounds like a band name, with Baffer Tape as the lead singer.
- The source of the episode title - Kiell repeatedly and inexplicably asking 'How heavy is the water?' while making his boat.
- The introduction to the boat race portion of the task:
  Greg: Our egg boats are under starter's orders. Race, Alex?
  Alex: Caucasian, Greg.
- Frankie wins the egg boat race easily, but then gets disqualified because his egg slipped out of the boat. Greg briefly considers allowing his victory to stand anyway... if only because he wanted to see how Kiell (who came second) would react.
- The stream that the boat race takes place in is around ankle-high in depth. Despite this, Alex is wearing a life jacket.
The bingo task:
- Alex forgetting to shut the door on the bingo wheel before he spins it for Mae, spilling the balls everywhere.
- Kiell repeatedly saying 'I've got no shoes on!'
  Greg: Did Kiell have any shoes on during that task?
- Jenny also ends up walking around outside with no shoes on.
  Greg: Jenny seemingly lost in the garden shouting "John? John? My feet hurt, John”. Normally a scene that would be followed by “come back inside.”
- One of the tasks is to speak to 'John'. While most contestants call a person they know named John, Kiell calls the John Lewis customer service line.
- Frankie throwing a bin over the front gate. He later burns the bubble wrap in a bucket.
- There's more controversy and arguing when both Frankie and Jenny interpret 'bring the banana down from the tree' as referring to the sign reading 'Banana' and not the actual banana. After some quibbling over this, Mae of all people then makes another challenge - the task said to throw your shoes onto the roof, but Jenny placed hers.
  Greg: Please let's not get into throwing again.
- Greg agrees to mull over the banana question:
  Greg: I might have to think about it over the break.
  Alex: Ooh, you've never done that before, you normally just go for a wee.
  Frankie: Remember, though, just cause something's got the word toilet on it doesn't mean it's a toilet.
  Greg: I'm not going to piss against the door!
  Frankie: I wasn't gonna eat the sign!
- Ivo's attempt, in which he gives up on quite a few of the tasks. Having tried most of them, he eventually decides to do the one in which he has to sit in the shed for three minutes. He goes outside... and sits in the caravan for three minutes. Greg says that the image of Ivo sitting in the caravan, with his head in his hands, sums up his entire attempt.
- Ivo then decides to speak to 'John' by calling his ex-doctor, with whom he has a very awkwardly polite phone chat. Watching him desperately try to end the conversation and ring off so that he can shout 'Line!' and complete the task is hilarious.
Frankie, after a whole episode of quibbling over rules, gets disqualified in the live task (like everyone else) after his stream of sand breaks.
Frankie: This whole episode has been such a thrilling journey through language and meaning.

Old Honkfoot

The prize task is luckiest thing.
- Jenny brings in a photo of her grandchild, a baby. Greg tries to move on to the next prize:
  Greg: Frankie, can you beat a baby?
- Frankie's prize is a bag featuring a picture of his crow friend, Arnold Bartleby. After Greg's initial bewildered silence at this, he tries to justify it (?) by murmuring 'he enjoys ham'.
- Ivo brings in a graduation cap with several lucky items attached to the top, including some playing cards and a silver spoon. When Frankie points out that the hat itself isn't typically considered to be lucky:
  Ivo: Well, after every bad gig I would call up my parents, and my dad would say, "Well you're lucky you've got your degree."
In the introduction to the first task, Mae is looking at the portrait of Greg on the wall:
Mae: He's got a very strong brow, doesn't he. How do we get that?
Alex: I think it's practice.
(Mae starts effortfully convulsing their brow)
The task to fake something is one of those examples where everyone does something hilarious:
- Jenny immediately decides to fake a heart attack and die.
- This exchange, after her attempt is finished:
  Alex: Would you like some chocolate?
  Jenny: No, I don't like chocolate. I'd rather have some cheese and cash.
  Alex: Right, I'll get you some cheese and cash.
  Jenny: Thanks very much.
  Alex: You seem to have perked up.
  Jenny: Yes, I feel fine now.
- Kiell attempts to fake his own hand by making it out of cake and eggshells. It looks nothing at all like his actual hand, and he is roundly mocked for it in the studio.
- During his attempt, Kiell gets Alex to bring him an egg. He then shakes it inquisitively near his ear:
  Kiell: What's in there?
  Alex: ...Egg.
- Ivo's mummy. While outside the room, he makes several comments about transporting Alex back to the land of the Ancient Egyptians, and finally the door opens to reveal a mummy wrapped head to toe in bandages (really toilet paper). Alex makes some casual, unimpressed conversation with the mummy, who barely responds, and he writes off the task as finished... only for Ivo to suddenly enter and reveal he wasn't the mummy at all, genuinely shocking both Alex and Greg.
- Crossing to the Other Side with Mae Martin. Particularly how much Alex seems to be enjoying it, at least until Mae charges him £40 for the session. In order to get facts about Alex to fake their medium act, Mae rang up Alex's wife, and in the studio claims that they still regularly keep in touch.
  Greg: You got a new friendship out of it.
  Mae: Yeah, and forty quid.
- The five-point attempt: what appears to be Frankie's suicide note being read out over sombre shots of his clothes and glasses beside a river. At least, until the final shot, where we see Frankie, on the other river bank, running away in just his underwear.
  Frankie: We surprised some joggers.
This, from the one-man band task:
Mae: (wearing several instruments) I feel like Dick van Dyke!
Alex: You look like Dick van Dyke.
(Mae looks genuinely offended)
In the spoons task, the guiding members of the team have to speak in high-pitched voices. What is hilarious is the fact that both teams affect completely different yet equally unsettling voices - Mae and Jenny use creepy childlike voices that get them compared to the twins from The Shining, annoying younger siblings, or surreal children's TV characters, whereas Frankie, for seemingly no reason, affects a sinister and extremely posh voice, which is made even funnier when Ivo ends up doing the voice too.
Mae: Look around for spoons!
- Kiell's begrudging frustration throughout the task, which Greg compares to an older brother being forced through the motions of a game by his younger siblings.
- Ivo, with time running out, inexplicably deciding to turn into the kitchen instead of going to the lab, which costs him and Frankie the task (and the episode victory). Made even better by Frankie's sense of crushing, fatherly disappointment after the fact.
  Frankie: (still high-pitched and posh) What did I tell you not to do? You greedy bastard.
Ivo's wiggling in the live task.
- Also, it's easy to miss as it happens while the team of three are busy counting items, but Ivo asking if he can take his hands off his head, and Alex refusing to let him.
- When the contestants come back down to the studio, Ivo is still wearing the overalls containing all of the items.

It's My Milk Now

Prize task is the best thing to play around with in the bathroom. Frankie again goes the most surreal route by bringing in a waterproof laminated Ouija board, specially designed for contacting the Bee Gees.
- Which leads Greg to make this dark joke:
  Greg: I'm a big fan of the Bee Gees. RIP. RIP. Hello, Barry!
The introductory setup for the imaginary friend task is two chairs at the living room table, with the task envelope placed in front of only one of them. All of the contestants sit in the chair with the task in front of it... apart from Kiell, who very pointedly sits in the other chair and slides the task across.
- Kiell claiming he had a childhood imaginary friend called Chicago, with whom he used to make up songs, all of which began with the lyric 'I don't know how much'.
- Apparently Mae’s dynamic with their imaginary friend, Salvatore, went beyond just friendship.
  Greg: The only thing that slightly brought me out of the narrative and perhaps moved me away from the great tragedy, just for a beat, was the notion that Salvatore used to - and I quote - “rock your body.”
- Pretty much all the contestants, tasked with creating the most poignant scene, have their imaginary friends die in increasingly brutal accidents. Jenny kills hers with a chainsaw, Kiell accidentally flushes his down the sink, Mae tips theirs into a pot of boiling soup, and best of all, Frankie, in a genuinely haunting scene, accidentally shuts his imaginary friend 'Andy' into the oven.
- When pressed by Greg as to why he made no effort to open the oven, Frankie says 'It's cheaper than a cremation!'
- The lone exception to the above is Ivo, who performs a scene in which he and his imaginary friend are both washing their cars. While Ivo talks wistfully of a road trip they're planning to take together, the imaginary friend gets in his car and drives off.
Every contestant getting confused about the rules of the egg task.
- Ivo, after his generally ineffectual attempt:
  Ivo: I don't think even the successful shellers amongst us will have provided any answer as to why there were five eggs.
  Alex: Oh, one of them has. Several.
  Ivo: Well, me and Jenny, over here in Thicko Corner...
  Alex: Jenny and I.
- Greg eventually declares it to have been both the worst task and the worst response to a task ever.
- All of the contestants are lost as to why the lab table has five eggs when the task only requires them to use one. Mae is the only one that spots the hint on the other side of the table that labels four of the eggs as ‘Frankie’ and one as ‘Jenny’. Alex tries to get Mae to decipher that the ‘Frankie’ eggs are boiled by baiting them into saying Frankie’s surname but they don’t get it at first.
  Alex: Frankie…?
  Mae: And … Benny. No. What?
In the bowling ball task, you can only step on the grass wearing golden shoes.
- Jenny attempts to spray her shoes gold, but the golden spray bottle she gets given sprays out red paint.
- Alex is wearing a pair of golden shoes. Both Kiell and Ivo ask to have them, which causes Alex to give them a second task: to obtain the golden shoes, they can either deposit £100 into Alex's bank account, make him a 'perfect dippy boiled egg with buttered soldiers and a glass of milk', or physically remove them. Kiell goes immediately for the latter option, attempting to wrestle Alex to the ground to steal his shoes (though he eventually gives up and just strikes the bell from a distance). Ivo, meanwhile, seemingly goes for the egg option, spending most of his allotted time trying to make the perfect boiled egg. He brings the tray out to Alex, Alex comes over to eat his egg... and then Ivo attacks him, successfully removes his shoes, and hits the bell with sixteen seconds left on the clock.
  Ivo: I didn't really have a plan. I did want to commit some sort of physical assault, but I was also seduced by the romance of trying to cook the perfect dippy egg.
- And after all that, Ivo ends up getting disqualified for touching the grass earlier in the task.
- In Frankie's attempt, he tries to get round the 'golden shoes' rule by strapping yellow racquets to his feet, and gets subsequently admonished by many of his fellow contestants in the studio because they were yellow, not gold. Greg agrees to mull over whether Frankie should be disqualified or not. Now, this task has weird scoring - the fastest gets five points, the slowest gets four, and none of the others get anything. After all the attempts have been shown, three contestants have been disqualified for touching the grass, leaving Mae as the fastest and Frankie as the slowest. Alex points out that if Frankie is disqualified over the 'golden shoes' rule, it will make Mae both the fastest and the slowest, and they will score nine points while everyone else gets zero. Cue everyone who previously called for Frankie's disqualification suddenly rushing over to support his side.
In the live task:
- Kiell completely missing the first cue to sit down and just walking off stage once he realises.
- Frankie shoulder-barging Jenny.

Schrödinger's Egg

The prize task is the most brilliant thing that pops up.
- Ivo brings in a Whack-a-Mole game with everyone's faces taped to the moles.
- Mae brings in a Pop Tart with Professor Brian Cox's face on it in a toaster, which causes Frankie to put on a terrible Brian Cox impression and say 'All you're gonna see is my burning face!'
All of the contestants being confused by the pulper in the pulper task, but especially Kiell, who never quite seems to grasp exactly what the pulper is. Made even better by Alex reading him different definitions of 'pulper'.
- Mae initially guesses that the pulper is a World War Two bomb, and accordingly puts on the safety gloves for protection.
- Jenny going the whole hog and turning the wheel as forcefully as she can while shouting 'I'm gonna pulp this egg!' For clarification, the goal of the task is to avoid pulping the egg.
The puzzle team task:
- Jenny seeing the handcuffs and immediately making several S&M jokes. Greg calls her the chirpiest S&Mer ever.
- Kiell being completely confused by his teammates' logical steps to solve the puzzle, and straight up refusing to eat any of the disgustingly-flavoured jelly babies. He later nervously licks one, but refuses to take a bite. According to Kiell, the production team gave him a very generous edit, and he admits he must've been a total nightmare to deal with in that task.
- The dynamic between the team of two is even funnier though. Early on, Ivo seems to work out the solution to the puzzle, but unfortunately he's too polite to interrupt Frankie, who keeps trying to solve the puzzle in increasingly incorrect ways while ignoring Ivo's mild interjections. Ivo's frustrated facial expressions and looks into the camera as he tries to politely convince Frankie that his method is wrong are hilarious.
  Ivo: I've got so much respect for you, Frankie, but I don't think it's adding the numbers together, and I never will.
- Frankie describing their team's situation in the studio as 'copilot syndrome', casting himself as the crazy airline pilot causing a plane crash that copilot Ivo is too deferential to prevent.
- Finally, Ivo manages to get Frankie on the right track, the two unlock themselves and attempt to do the 'team hug' that concludes the task... only to realise that they both still have their handcuffs on, and they have to spend some time looking for the key suspended above them. All in all, they took 42 minutes to complete the task.
In the third task, the contestants are given a gold pen with which to write various things.
Kiell: This gold pen reminds me of school. You know, one boy in the year would have always have a gold pen. ...I'd have it by the end of the year though.
- Kiell then orders for his five ingredients sausage, ketchup, bun, mustard, and grilled onions. Why? 'Hotdog.'
- Then, at the end of the writing period, he sneaks the gold pen into his pocket and walks out, grinning.
- This task is particularly clever - a sort of 'build-your-own' task where the contestants are subjected to the time limits they set for themselves. As a result of this, Kiell ends up giving himself just one minute and twenty-one seconds to make a 'cowering Kenyan bench' out of hotdog ingredients. And what's more - he does a credible job and wins the five points (even if he does have to claim that the word 'Nairobi' is grilled onto the onions so small that it's impossible to see).
  Kiell: Taste of Africa?
- Ivo having a complete meltdown while trying to attach a bulb of garlic around a rubber duck's neck. He then decides just to dump all of his ingredients on top of the duck and serve it to Alex like that.
  Frankie: It does make me feel quite sorry for you when you grip your head like a chimpanzee whose habitat is under threat.
- Frankie has just two minutes to make a Scottish dog out of flour. He ends up just heaping it into a vaguely dog-shaped pile, though he does manage to add a little St Andrew's flag.
  Alex: Oh, to show that it's Scottish?
  Frankie: Yeah.
  Alex: But what's showing that it's a dog?
- This conversation between Greg and Alex:
  Greg: Did Jenny's taste nice?
  Alex: The task wasn't about whether they tasted nice, it was about...
  Greg: No, I was just trying to make conversation, you bellend.
All of the final task, which tasks the contestants first with saying phrases in different accents, and then trying to imitate each other's walks.
- Kiell tries for a New Zealand accent by saying 'Tiskmister'.
- After Ivo's first accent, Greg asks 'Is Disney a country?' He then guesses generic American. Ivo reveals, with apologies to Mae, that his accent was Canadian. Alex then claims that Canada 'is just generic America', which almost causes Mae to completely flip out at him.
- Jenny's terrible Geordie accent.
- The walking round is the masterpiece here, though. Mae is up first, and does what can only be described as a sort of weird little goblin walk around the stage, which Greg correctly identifies as being Jenny. Then it's Kiell's turn... and he does almost exactly the same walk, which Greg correctly identifies as being Jenny again. Jenny's reaction to this is hilarious.
- And then it gets even better as Ivo, on his turn, does exactly the same walk again. Greg guesses Jenny again...
  Ivo: (flipping his card around to reveal it says 'Frankie') I've already lost the episode. I just wanted to have a go at it.
  Jenny: When does this cross into bullying?
- Jenny's walk is funny in its own right too. She basically roleplays an obsequious puppy dog gazing up lovingly at its owner and sniffing and licking the air above it and it takes Greg no time at all to correctly guess that she's impersonating Alex.

100% Bosco

The prize task is the 'best thing you take everywhere but struggle to fit in your bag'.
- Frankie brings in a photo of his child wandering on stage during a gig and preparing to tell a joke. According to Frankie, the joke was just going to be shouting the word 'yellow!', but he stopped it from happening.
- Ivo, introducing his prize task entry, his daughter's toy puzzle pieces:
  Ivo: I've had very few points for lols-based prize tasks, so here's some god damn feeling!
  Greg: You sound like a psychopath.
- Jenny says that she often gets tired, so her prize is an inflatable bed, which she takes everywhere.
  Frankie: Have you ever considered that that's maybe why you're tired?
- This then leads to this exchange:
  Alex: David Schwimmer sleeps on an inflatable bed.
  Mae: Even at home?
  Greg: Why does David Schwimmer sleep in an inflatable bed?
  Alex: Oh, it's a guess.
- Then, when Kiell introduces his prize, a folding chair, which get criticised for being too similar to Jenny's:
  Alex: Would it help you if I told you Matthew Perry always sits on a folding chair?
- And then:
  Greg: Up to you to save this, Mae.
  Mae: Not gonna happen.
  Ivo: Whatever it is, I can't wait to hear about Jennifer Aniston using it.
- Mae's prize task is a normal-sized flask of whisky, which you'd think would easily fit into a bag... but Mae has gone to the trouble of making a very tiny bag, complete with tiny phone and wallet, which the whisky struggles to fit into.
  Greg: I do like that Mae made an effort. I mean, they put a joke together. ...it's not a great one.
  Ivo: I'll tell you what's a good joke: 'Yellow!'
- This, while Greg is scoring the prizes:
  Greg: Why is a photo of a child better than a bed, Frankie?
  Frankie: Who gives a fuck?
The first task is to retrieve various different pineapples floating in the middle of a somewhat sewage-y canal.
- Both Frankie and Kiell get their high-strength magnets stuck to the metal floor. Kiell finally successfully pulls his off... only for the magnet to immediately get stuck to the metal fence.
- Frankie is criticised for his strategy:
  Frankie: If I had a good strategy for fishing rubbish out of sewage, what sort of person would I be?
- Greg highlights two remarks made by Ivo during the task that sum up his energy: 'Please, please, please' while he is reeling in the pineapples, and 'Where's my chunks?' while searching for a lost tin of pineapple chunks. Alex then pulls up his trouser leg to reveal he's got 'Where's My Chunkz' tattooed all over his leg.
- Mae asks Alex for a pen to draw some more pineapples. They draw thirteen but then accidentally drop the pen into the sewage-filled river.
- Mae's drawing does lead to a rehash of the 'banana sign' argument from "How Heavy is the Water?", which pits their and Frankie's argument that 'words and images are just metaphors for the things they represent' against Kiell and Ivo's increasing annoyance.
  Greg: I am going to allow the drawn pineapples.
  Kiell: What?! What, because of the banana?
  Frankie: No, cause of the nature of language, man!
- In this task, Alex has hidden a number of identical pineapples around the corner, which the contestants only pass after completing the task (except Ivo, who found them during the task). This leads to some good reactions:
  - Mae spent some time in the task looking for 'hidden pineapples', and even tentatively looked round the corner, but eventually gave up on finding them. There is a beautiful moment of editing where they finish the task, go round the corner, and all we hear is their cry of frustration.
  - Frankie, on the other hand, just walks right by, completing ignoring the pineapples. In the studio, it turns out he thought they were set up for the next contestant.
The 'repurpose this umbrella' task is one of the ones where everybody does something great:
- Kiell acts out a bizarre scene in which a rubber duck, with a Scottish accent (cause the umbrella was tartan), returns home to find out his family has been bound up with 'duck tape', but is too distracted by some bread to save them and ends up caught in an umbrella trap.
- Mae creates a dog called Bosco, a 'wire-haired border brolly'. This would be funny enough, but then Bosco starts speaking (through what is obviously a voice recording, though Mae claims it is '100% Bosco') and claims that Alex Horne is its enemy.
- Ivo's terrible attempt, trying to mix a cocktail in the umbrella and then pouring it into a cocktail glass and spilling it everywhere. Then when Alex and Ivo drink their cocktails, they realise Ivo forgot to dilute the elderflower cordial.
- Frankie and Jenny both convert their umbrellas into fashion, but while Jenny goes for a stylish look from the 'House of Eclair', Frankie just makes a skirt with the umbrella frame as a fascinator. Particularly good parts of Jenny's outfit include the 'hiking and writing cagoule' for those that go outdoors, maybe climb a mountain, and write a poem at the top, and the umbrella frame which she uses to 'ward off the boys'.
The task to put the heaviest stuff on top of a jelly without breaking it:
- Frankie, when initially faced with the task:
  Frankie: I've been gripped by an overwhelming sense of crisis.
- He then decides to interpret 'heavy' metaphorically, and then puts on the jelly a piece of paper on which he has written about the inevitable heat death of the universe.
  Kiell: The first sentence was "Put the most stuff..."
  Greg: But he's put the concept of the whole universe, how much stuff do you want?
  Frankie: The third law of thermodynamics encompasses all the energy in the universe. That's more than your bowl and your fucking spoon.
- Jenny, whose plan involves putting herself on top of the jelly, asks to be measured in kilos, because she doesn't understand them.
In the live task, Frankie and Mae have to 'scratch their balls off' - i.e. scratch the velcro balls off their suit using a scratching-post, while the opposing team throw more balls at them. The visuals of this task are hilarious.
- Prior to the start of the task, Frankie takes a moment to ruefully sum up his current circumstances:
  Frankie: I really think I should have had a few less joke scandals and not ended up in this position.
- Frankie throwing his shoe at Kiell and Jenny.
- Then, Frankie's suit pops open, and he starts doing what can only be described as a sensual stripper dance against the scratching-post. Yes. Frankie Boyle.

A Show About Pedantry

The prize task is sneakiest thing.
- Jenny brings in a dog mask, which Greg initially questions, until it turns out Jenny has hidden a copy of her own book behind the mask and she is using the mask to sneakily promote her book on national television.
- Frankie's story about 'Orlando the Marmalade Cat', a children's book that his children turned against after Frankie discovered how easily it put them to sleep. To read them the book anyway, he would disguise Orlando as 'Harry Potter and the Kung Fu Death Cult', complete with fake cover.
- Ivo hiding a tiny dictionary inside a larger dictionary.
- Mae's strange series of sneaky things, which includes sneaking parts of the punchline to a knock-knock joke in Greg, Kiell, and Ivo's pockets; the problem is they put more effort into the sneaking than the joke, so the punchline is just "Mae 'Pinhead' Martin" with no setup. But there's more:
  Mae: (pulling up their socks) I also got Alex's wife to mail me two of his socks.
- Kiell reveals he got Greg to autograph 'Tseikna Ensgith' using a pen that concealed a secret recording device. Even better, 'Tseikna Ensgith' anagrams to 'Sneakiest Thing'.
The teams deciding who gets to go to the far spot with the task envelope in the first task. Kiell and Mae both rush for it, with Mae eventually winning out. With the team of two, however, Frankie just walks over without any input from Ivo whatsoever.
Alex: How did you make that decision?
Ivo: Frankie started walking, and by then it was too late.
- This, another wonderful illustration of Frankie and Ivo's awkward father-son dynamic:
  Ivo: Frankie?
  Frankie: Yes?
  Ivo: (awkwardly stuttering) Are you sure... there's nothing we're... like, um...
  Frankie: No.
- Frankie's cackling whenever Ivo stamps on the paint bottles.
- On this topic, Frankie swooping in with another dark joke:
  Frankie: Can I just say, I think [Ivo's] stamping improved after I said 'pretend it's your father'.
In the second task, the contestants are tasked with putting three digits into slots. Once they have done so, they are tasked with doing a one-minute lecture on the year they have created with their digits (with a 1 before, making years from 1000-1999). Unfortunately for them, none of them has created an especially memorable historical date, so the presentations end up being mostly devoid of actual facts and playing for time (for example, Frankie just lists off a number of things that people didn't know about in 1417).
- All of the contestants proving that they know 1066 and no other historical dates.
- Mae remarks as though it is some great insight that Pangaea wasn't around in 1123.^note
- Ivo struggling with the whiteboard.
- Kiell, brainstorming for 1500:
  Kiell: Witches! When were witches?
- The contestants are not allowed to leave the lab. When Jenny tries to go to the toilet and Alex refuses, she tries to get out of it by claiming to be on her period. Note that Jenny is in her early sixties.^note
- In the studio, Mae complains that they and Ivo have similar dates, but dissimilar levels of education.
  Mae: Ivo went to Eton and I spent high school on acid.
  Ivo: Odd to look at our two outfits and think that you're the acid one.^note
- Ivo's hurried diagrams in his presentation. He then calls the historian Dan Jones, who fact-checked the contestants' lectures and debunked Ivo's claim that people in 1125 called their time 'mediaeval', a piece of shit. That leads to:
  Jenny: Can you get your money back from Eton?
  Ivo: I didn't know you'd been on my Dad's search history.
- Kiell's claim that in 1500, 'water hadn't been invented yet, but it was being used', which somehow turns out to be accurate.^note
- Finally, there's Jenny's lecture about 1642, which goes on for four and a half minutes longer than it should have (Alex claims he tried to stop her but it wasn't possible). Topics she covers include underwear, the fact that people back then didn't have the pill or Ryvita, and that swans apparently used to look different, all delivered with a wonderful parody of the cadences of an Open University lecturer.
The third task requires the contestants not to look at or talk to Alex.
- Mae gets disqualified almost immediately and gives up, and Jenny also gets disqualified early but chooses to continue - albeit very grumpily - with the task anyway.
- Frankie stays ominously silent throughout the entire task, just calmly stabbing holes in the paper with scissors, even as Alex tried to distract Frankie by offering suggestions of random numbers.
- Ivo on the other hand talks continually, which seems to work as well as Frankie's method until Alex pulls the rug out from under him by showing a clip of Ivo snapping at Alex's provocation just barely, leaving Ivo reminiscent of Frankie's comment about an under threat chimpanzee.
  Frankie: You just couldn't shut the fuck up, could you, Ivo?
- The actual task is to put 99 holes in a piece of paper. For most of his attempt, Kiell assumes this refers to the task envelope, completely ignoring the huge sheet of paper on the table in front of him. His attempts to express his annoyance at this while not acknowledging Alex whatsoever are hilarious.
The stage task is to guess the heights of various things by combining the heights of other objects. Alex asks the contestants to guess the height of the inside of Greg's leg. Once they've selected their objects, Alex starts laughing, and initially we don't see why... then the camera cuts to the stage and it turns out all four remaining contestants have gone for the giant cutout of a warthog.

A Yardstick for Failure

Much like the Series 9 cast all wearing suits for their final episode, this cast also decide to wear matching outfits - in this case, they're all in Sgt Pepper-esque outfits.
The prize task is the best Greg Davies merchandise.
- Mae brings in an astonishingly well-crafted puppet made by their father, which Greg finds simultaneously fantastic and horrifying.
- Kiell, introducing his prize, a Greg morph suit:
  Kiell: As much as people want bits and pieces, I think it's much more fun to be you.
  Greg: Oh, it is not.
- And Frankie, introducing his:
  Frankie: Do you know how we're both essentially trembling on the brink of death?
- Frankie's prize itself is perhaps his most surreal yet - a high-concept 'euthaniser beanbag', which is a beanbag that will slowly envelop Greg the more he sits on it until it smothers him and 'zips up like a bodybag'. What makes it Greg Davies merchandise? It's just got the words 'Greg Davies' written all over it.
The cup filling task stipulates that if two or more people choose to use a hose, they will be disqualified. Ivo initially misunderstands this as meaning if two people are using the hose together.
- Frankie glossing this part of the task:
  Frankie: Now the hose has been mentioned, we're all locked in a game of quadruple bluff.
- Ivo's attempt is a bit of a mess:
  Alex: How confident are you in your system?
  Ivo: I think it's very flawed.
- Jenny tries to connect together several tubes to pour the water down from as far a distance as possible. Unfortunately, she fails to realise that one of her tubes is a solid pole, which the on-screen graphic points out several times.
- Frankie deciding to throw the glass into a full bath in order to fill it, which naturally leads to the glass smashing.
- While considering whether or not to use the hose, Mae reckons Kiell will use the hose, and they impersonate Kiell deciding to go for the hose. Not only are they absolutely right, but Kiell, while himself considering what to do, impersonates Mae deciding not to go for the hose. At Alex's prompting, he then continues on to impersonate all of the others choosing not to use the hose either.
  Kiell (as Mae): I'm not gonna use the hose. It's too scary.
  Alex: I'd quite like you to be Frankie now.
  Kiell (as Frankie): I think, that the hose, should be left alone.
  Kiell: I'll do the rest, just since I'm here.
  Kiell (as Ivo): Hose, er, well, no, I don't think so... er, well, mayb... no, I'm not going to use the hose.
  Kiell (as Jenny): Where is the hose? Where is it? I can't be bothered with it. I've changed my mind.
- The hose does not help Kiell, however, as he inexplicably decides to use the hose to shoot water at the glass from a distance, instead of putting the hose in the glass and going to turn on the tap. When Alex points out his mistake, Kiell's simultaneously embarrassed and furious face is hilarious.
- Alex remarks that at least Kiell did better than Ivo.
  Ivo: Please stop using me as a yardstick for failure.
  Frankie: That can be your merchandise.
From the chess clock task:
- Mae with rubber bands on their face. Even better - Ivo self-sabotaging by inexplicably putting his rubber bands round his eyes, hampering his efforts for most of the rest of the task. Apparently someone on the train home asked him if he'd had an accident.
- Kiell stealing Alex's maths book to look at the answers.
- Jenny comments that she only recognised the chess clock because of The Queen's Gambit, but struggles to remember the show's actual name, which sends Ivo into helpless laughter.
- Another killer line from Frankie:
  Frankie: Alex is a slow eater. It's like he's trying to establish an alibi.
- In the tradition of Jamali Maddix before him, Frankie stomps on the box to get it open.
- Ivo, meanwhile, fails to open the box at all, which means he doesn't get the gloves to deal with the Vaseline portion of the task, which means he ends up with his hands covered in Vaseline while trying to tie a balloon animal.
The pen used to write in the final task is a gold pen.
Kiell: I thought I stole this pen?
- The teams have to write a profession in a slot on the envelope. Frankie's suggestion:
  Frankie: If we put 'dog walker' we might at least get to meet a dog.
- When the task is revealed, to write a profession-specific lullaby for their chosen job, Frankie suggests trying to find a dead dog. He then asks Ivo if he can harmonise; Ivo says no, but he does offer to think up things that rhyme with different dog breeds.
- Jenny comes into the room with a plastic baby under a blanket to use in the lullaby video. Both Mae and Kiell initially find it sweet, until Jenny peels back the blanket to reveal it's actually only the baby's head, and the baby's body is made out of a limbless potato.
The lullabies themselves:
- Frankie and Ivo's has this wonderful line, which has Frankie Boyle written all over it:
  Your legs are tired and your knees are weak
  Soon like a dog you will be put to sleep.
- A small but funny detail - throughout their song's video, Frankie has Ivo on a lead.
- After Frankie and Ivo's song:
  Kiell: I was hoping for a bridge.
  Ivo: I'd have jumped off anything at the end of that.
- The team of three's, meanwhile, just degenerates into Jenny listing off colours.
Frankie accidentally knocking over his little door in the live task.

Champion of Champions III

Spider In My Pocket

The sheer number of jabs taken at Kiell being the only one there who didn't actually win his series (as he's standing in for Mae, who couldn't make it).
- Even at the very beginning when Kiell opens the house door:
  Alex: You didn't win Series 15, why are you here?
- Here are some of the other highlights:
  Alex: Next up are two people. One is the winner of Series 13, and the other is the guy who played Mike Cooper in Ghosts.
  Alex: Kiell, you came 2nd in Series 15.
  Kiell: Yeah, you keep banging on about it.
  Alex: We're now going to let a regular guy named Kiell do the task.
  Alex: Next up is Mae Martin's stunt double, Kiell Smith-Bynoe.
- Also, the visual in the opening where Mae throws their head behind them and Kiell catches it.
This is Taskmaster's 150th episode; as Alex points out, this means they've now done more episodes than The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Greg: Christ, that must be a slap in the face to Will Smith.
The prize task, the thing they'd wish for from a genie.
- Sarah, as was the case many times in her previous series, does a slightly awkward job of selling her prize to Greg. When he looks disappointed, she has a sudden outburst:
  Sarah: I hate you so much! I'm so sick of trying to make you happy!
- Morgana struggling to explain her prize entry, a second pair of hands. She and Sarah at one point briefly stop proceedings to share a mutual gripe about how impossible it is to please Greg.
- Sophie's prize, a Greg and Alex couples cosplay outfit which includes Greg having pixellated genitals (which Sophie calls the 'Taskmember').
  - A small moment, but when Dara points out that if you squint you can make out the shape of Greg's penis, Kiell makes a wiggly shape with his hand.
- Dara says he'd wish for the one thing he doesn't have: hair. He then shows a slideshow, set to music, of him having a great time while wearing a wig.
  Greg: What I'm baffled by, Dara, is of all the wigs you could have chosen, why did you choose the wig of a 65-year-old woman?
- Kiell's little Alex puppet. After Alex points out it was made by Mae's dad:
  Dara: Well, my wig is made from Mae Martin's mother's hair.
From the waiter task:
- All the contestants coming across Alex, especially Dara climbing onto the bench and looking over at him and Sophie screaming that she hates him.
- To help avoid spilling the wine, Dara gulps some of it in his mouth, and then spits it back out once he gets close to Alex.
- The task requires contestants to clap for a full minute whenever they spill something. Sarah spills rather a lot, and on top of that never realises the egg timer they've been given is actually a 2-minute timer. This means she does a LOT of clapping - she takes 51 minutes to complete the task, and apparently clapped for longer than it took anyone else to complete the whole task.
  - Her quietly frustrated face while she does her several bouts of clapping just adds to the hilarity.
  - Morgana, meanwhile, disqualifies herself after dropping an egg and clapping for around thirty seconds.
  - Another great bit re the clapping: after Dara's time is up, Alex accidentally spills some of the food trying to eat it. Dara then tells Alex that he has to clap for a minute.
- Kiell invoking a controversy from his series when he decides to use one of the fake Alexes as his 'Alex':
  Kiell: If a drawn-on pineapple can be a pineapple, then this can be an Alex.
- The fake Alex then tips backwards off the chair.
- After Greg disqualifies Kiell for this:
  Greg: Mae Martin's gonna be furious.
  Kiell: Kiell's furious, bruv!
The contestants are required to give themselves a handicap for the next task. Sophie immediately says 'I could make myself really wet.'
- Sarah handicaps herself by gagging herself. This means she is unable to read the task out loud, so the camera just cuts to a long silent shot of her reading it. This is followed by Kiell's barely-more-understandable attempt to read it around the satsumas stuffed in his mouth, complete with having to suck up drool in the middle. We finally get to properly hear what the task actually is when they cut to the other contestants ... and then they cut back to Sarah for "your time starts now".
- Morgana, having handcuffed herself, then describes trying to take the task out of the mailbox backwards as 'like being a vet'. When questioned on this in the studio, she claims, with adding acting out, that vets always stick their hands up cows' arses backwards.
- Everything about Sophie's eventually-chosen handicap - 'low self-confidence', basically meaning Alex insults her for the entire task.
  - He starts by calling her Sarah instead of Sophie.
  - Then, when Sophie goes outside to do the task, the area is covered in signs saying things like 'Sophie Puker' and 'Ramsey Should've Won'.
  - Even when introducing her task attempt:
    Alex: Next up is Sophie, who is a worthless scumbag.
  - During her attempt to put a hat on the statue of Greg, Alex takes a new approach to destroying her self-confidence by giving her facts about how great the other contestants (and Greg) are. These include the fact that Series 14 runner-up Sarah Millican earned more points than her ^note, that Dara has significantly more Twitter followers, and that Kiell's full name is worth more in Scrabble than hers.
- Greg accuses Dara of not fulfilling his handicap to spend the entire task clicking his fingers. Dara tries to worm his way out of this by saying he did it in a 'jazz style' and that the whole task took place in between syncopated beats.
- Kiell dislodging the Greg statue from the throne and dragging its face across the muddy ground.
The task to 'do something stupid'.
- Kiell is asked if he's ever done something stupid. A montage then plays of all of the contestants doing various stupid things on their past series'.
  Kiell: On this show? No, never.
- Dara's beautifully stupid attempt, in which he simply wraps rubber bands around his head and pops them off while making a silly face. Somehow it is absolutely hilarious every single time.
  Greg: Wow, you ridiculous man.
- Sarah puts a bucket on her head, spins around, throws her car and house keys into the bushes, and then sets off to find them. After it took her 51 minutes to complete that waiter task, it takes her 80 minutes to complete this one.
- Sophie decides to take the risk of dissing Greg by wiping the task envelope on her arse and then covering a cardboard cutout of him in ketchup and other condiments.
- Kiell manages to do something genuinely stupid during his stupid thing. He hands Alex two bottles of his tears through the holes of a wagon wheel, with the idea being that Alex would be unable to pull them back through the holes and get stuck. Unfortunately, he gets the bottles the wrong way round and Alex ends up being able to pull them through easily.
- Morgana covering herself in paint and feathers and squirting paint directly into her mouth. That is all.
During the end credits, Dara kicks the mannequin wearing Sarah's karate gi over, and then rushes to catch it as it nearly takes part of the set down with it.

Funny / Taskmaster S11-S15

Alternative Title(s): Taskmaster Series Eleven, Taskmaster Series Twelve, Taskmaster Series Thirteen, Taskmaster Series Fourteen, Taskmaster Series Fifteen

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Funny / Taskmaster S11-S15

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Alternative Title(s): Taskmaster Series Eleven, Taskmaster Series Twelve, Taskmaster Series Thirteen, Taskmaster Series Fourteen, Taskmaster Series Fifteen

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