Funny: Steven Universe

"It’s not exactly healthy, but it’s in a stack, so I guess you could say, it’s a... balanced breakfast?"

Also see: for non-canon work.

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    Season 1 
"Gem Glow"
  • Pearl calmly explaining to Steven that he isn't ready to join them on quests while she snaps a centipeetle's neck with her bare hands. She doesn't even take her eyes off Steven as she does it.
  • When Steven asks where they got so much of his favourite ice cream, Pearl explains that they knew it was his favourite, so:
    Amethyst: We went out and stole a bunch!
    Pearl: *annoyed* I went back and paid for them.
  • "Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy! Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy! Cookie Cat! HE LEFT HIS FAMILY BEHIND!"
  • Lars' reaction to Amethyst slicing the dumpster in half behind the Big Donut.
    Lars: Again?!
  • Garnet's speech, which switches from her normal stoic tone to a bit of Large Ham, only to suddenly whip back when she ends with "At least, that's how I do it." Steven's reaction is also pretty fun.
  • When Steven comes to the conclusion that his powers are summoned by eating ice cream, a concerned Pearl picks up one of the wrappers and eyes it suspiciously.
    Pearl: What's in these things?
  • At the end of the episode:
    Amethyst: Are you crying?
    Steven: ONLY A LITTLE!

"Laser Light Cannon"
  • Steven is told the thing coming from the horizon is a "Red Eye".
    Steven: RED EYE?! It's going to infect us all!
    Garnet: That's pink eye, Steven.
  • Pearl's description of the orb approaching Earth can be topped off with a big That's What She Said:
    Pearl: Look at the size of it! I had no idea these things were so big!
  • Pearl tries to sugarcoat why they aren't going to Greg for help. Amethyst... not so much.
    Pearl: Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust him with such a powerful weapon.
    Amethyst: Your dad's kind of a mess, Steven.
  • Garnet says they can handle it. She then chucks Amethyst straight into the Red Eye. It fails.
    • Later, when Steven points out the Red Eye to Greg, Amethyst suddenly appears out of nowhere and apparently has been chucked into the Red Eye again. Once again, it fails.
    Amethyst: RAAAAGH! (BONG......)
  • "That thing about pork rinds?" "Hot dogs."
  • Steven ends up saving Beach City. Mostly - the Red Eye that he destroys shatters into several pieces the size of small cars, causing a lot of wanton property damage.
    Steven: Sorry about that!
    Fryman: [some distance away] ...what?
  • The ending where Greg's van gets washed away by the tides:
    Greg: My van!
    Steven: Don't worry, Dad. If every pork chop were perfect—
    Greg: I LIVE IN THERE!

"Cheeseburger Backpack"
  • Because of the storyboard artist for this episode (Ian Jones-Quartey) has a rather unique style compared to the others, many of the expression characters get throughout this episode are a bit off... and very, very funny.
  • The girls are back... with a giant egg.
    Garnet: (feathers in hair) Hello, Steven.
    Pearl: Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!
    Amethyst: What? I got this! (slowly pulls fridge shelf out... then just drops it; shoves the egg in) Look, it fits! (slams refrigerator door; audible cracking noises)
  • Steven has a toy called a "Mr. Queasy Doll".
    Mr. Queasy: Oh, kid, don't shake me! I got a medical condition!
  • Pearl suggests an intricate plan to get past an entire room of creepy-crawlies... but Steven just throws some bagel sandwiches to lure them away. And it works.
    Pearl: ...How did you know that would work....?
    Steven: If I were a shrimp, that's what I'd do!
    Amethyst: You are a shrimp.
    • As they moved on, Pearl added:
    Pearl: I just want everyone to know—My plan would have also worked.
  • When the gang encounters a current of gushing water they have to cross, they turn to Steven for suggestions. They chant "Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!" until Steven pulls a raft from the pack. "Steven, that's so sensible!" ...He throws the raft in the water, and it gets carried away.
    Garnet: (breaks column and creates a bridge to get across) Great idea anyway, Steven.
  • When they reach the pedestal where the statue should be placed, Steven realizes he left the statue at home. He doesn't give up, however, and suggests they place his doll on the pedestal instead.
    Amethyst: Could that work?
    Garnet: Mm-mm ("I don't know" noise).
    • The way Mr. Queasy starts to moan in pain as he is violently shaken back and forth and explodes.
  • Even though Steven messed up, the Sea Spire is destroyed, and they're floating in the middle of an ocean, his sisters try to cheer him up, saying at least 50% of his plans worked. Then the raft comes back, making it 75%.
    Steven: WHOO!
    • They celebrate
    Pearl and Amethyst: Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!
    Garnet: It's a three-hour paddle home.

"Together Breakfast"
  • Steven trying to tell a Garnet.
    Steven: It's not exactly healthy, but it's in a stack, so I guess you could call it a... balanced breakfast?
    Garnet: ...
    (cut to Steven making an extremely goofy face, pictured above)
  • Garnet's business in the Temple is to burn a scroll (that apparently contains a trapped Eldritch Abomination), of which Steven snaps a pic with his smart phone. Garnet takes his phone, declaring she now needs to burn that, too.
    Steven: MY APPS!
    • Even funnier, before she burns the phone she breaks it in half.
  • The background music suddenly switches to dubstep when Steven is placing the strawberry on top of the breakfast. Twice.
    • The official name of the song on Sound Cloud? "Drop The Strawberry".
  • All of Steven and Amethyst's interaction are very reminiscent of an older sister and younger brother... and it's hilarious.
    Amethyst: You've got something on your shirt.
    (Steven looks down.)
    Amethyst: (spraying him with water gun) DUUUUMB!
    • Later…
    Amethyst: You can't outrun me; we both have short legs!
    • The Dumb Police.
  • Amethyst doesn't like her stuff organized:
    Amethyst: Isn't it awful? Pearl organized everything.
    Steven: Still looks messy to me.
    Amethyst: Aw, thanks! I try. (Kicking a pile of junk) BOOM!!!
  • Garnet's absolutely deadpan statement following the possession of the together breakfast.
    Garnet: Now it has all the power of a breakfast, we have to destroy it!
    Pearl: (getting pinned to wall by monster) AAAAHH, it's horrible!!!
  • Steven and the Gems finally make a together breakfast... then remember that the last one tried to eat them and decide on pizza instead.
    Garnet: It did try to kill us.

  • Steven having an internal monologue when Pearl is lecturing him about gem shards. He realizes that he's not listening, but doesn't want to tune in mid-lecture.
    • The way his eyes abruptly drift into Fish Eyes as he stops paying attention.
    • And later, when she frantically asked if he heard what she said, he gives an honest "No!"
    Pearl: Oh Steven.
  • Steven when he spots his sentient pants: "THAT'S UNUSUAL!"
    • Not to mention Steven's line once he finally gets his pants back on:
    Steven: I wear the pants in this relationship!
  • Pearl, a fearless defender of mankind, is incapacitated for most of the battle by getting ketchup in her eyes.
  • What does Steven do to defeat Frybo when it turns evil? He animates the clothes on his body so they can attack; leaving him in the nude as they lay the whooping on Frybo and pin it down.
    Steven: Once I bared my butt, I knew he'd crack!
  • "Put your clothes on, Steven."

"Cat Fingers"
  • Mayor Dewey's reaction to Greg and Steven goofing off on the job: "I'm not paying for father-son bonding here!"
  • Amethyst doing a spot-on impression of Mordecai in her bluejay form.
  • Amethyst using her shape-shifting to tease Pearl.
    Amethyst: (as Pearl) Of course I can [shape-shift], I'm perfect! (slaps her own butt) WOMP WOMP!
  • As mean as it was, Lars's insult to Steven and the ridiculous face he made were pretty funny.
    Sadie: Oh, I'm sure [the cat finger] just wants to play.
    Steven: You're right! And he doesn't have any friends.
    Lars: Oh my gosh. It's just like you, Steven.
  • Steven goes to the fry stand, and Peedee is there to take his order. Steven asks for fry bits, while Peedee insists Steven order from the menu. Steven wants his bits, and then Fryman comes by and tells Peedee they should just give Steven the bits.
  • Amethyst complete agrees with Pearl that this whole mess was her fault, and that Steven shouldn't listen to her.
  • Steven's hurricane of cat puns at the end; Lame Pun Reactions abound. Not even Garnet can take it.
    Garnet: Okay, that's enough.

"Bubble Buddies"
  • Steven showing off his bike to impress Connie. Which doesn't exactly work cause he tries riding it through sand.
    • When that doesn't work, he parks the bike near her and starts bragging about the bike. Looking over his shoulder each time with a goofy face to see if he got her attention. He then tries riding the bike. It proceeds to fall over, getting Connie to look in his direction. He runs off in panic and embarrassment.
  • Connie says her parents don't let her eat donuts. Trans fats.
    Steven: Whaaat?
  • Steven enlisting Lars and Sadie's help to try and burst his bubble. The results are exactly as helpful as you'd expect.
    • Lars licking the bubble
    • Steven referring to Lars as his BFF.
    • After a short absence, Sadie comes charging out of the store with a stool, which shatters pointlessly on the shield. It's delightfully sudden.
  • Trying to tell Onion to get a harpoon gun, Steven draws a complicated diagram on the surface of the bubble. Onion doesn't get it. Then Connie comes over and writes "harpoon gun" instead.
  • The harpoon gun deflects of the bubble harmlessly and sinks a boat. Onion just gives a thumbs up, as if he thinks that's what was supposed to happen.
  • Steven having the idea to let a rollercoaster car ram into them to break the shield.
    Connie: What happens after it hits us?!
    Steven: We'll be free!
    (Connie just stares into space with an "Is he serious?" expression.)
    Connie: Steven, this is a bad idea.
  • Garnet keeping Amethyst and Pearl from C-Blocking Steven.
    Garnet: Hey! Don't mess with his funky flow!
    Connie: "Funky flow?"
    • She then picks up Pearl and Amethyst up by the scruffs of their necks and carries them off. Like a mommy cat and her kittens.
    • What makes things funnier is that earlier in the episode, Steven had told the Gems not to watch because it would mess up his funky flow. Garnet remembered, and took the comment seriously.
      • And from Steven's reaction it might have embarrassed him more than anything the other two had said.

"Serious Steven"
  • After landing in a patch of strawberries, which gets strawberry juice all over him, Steven is swarmed by a bunch of butterflies. The way Steven starts screaming about this is so reminiscent of a certain meme, one can't help but be amused by the hilarious parallels.
  • Steven riding the teacups with Garnet. That image alone is worthy of a chuckle.
  • Mr. Smiley struggling to keep a smile in the aftermath of the teacup incident. He then picks up Steven, laughing all the while when suddenly-
  • While Pearl puzzles over the structure of the pyramid to Garnet, Amethyst can be seen running into doorways one after the other in the background, only to emerge from a completely different one seconds later with some evidence of a previous mishap on her. The last one has her pop out in a cube of ice, prompting Pearl to run over and start breaking her out of it with her spear.
  • After falling, the Gems are seen landing one by one on their feet in a rather Badass crouch... then Steven plummets down and slams into the ground stomach-first.

"Tiger Millionaire"
  • Steven imitates Pearl and Garnet. It's as hilarious as you'd expect. Their leitmotivs can even be heard as he does this. When he's imitating Garnet, he even shoves his hair forward so it resembles hers and does a fairly spot-on impression of her accent.
    Steven: *imitating Pearl* Oh Steven, I told you before not to bring peanut butter on missions!
    Steven: *imitating Garnet* I'm not going to say anything, but I expect you to understand that was wrong.
  • The titular wrestling alter-ego of Steven is basically a parody of "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase; especially his creative back story. His biggest fans? Lars.
  • One of the wrestlers Amethyst fights blinds her by shoving a traffic cone on her head.
    Mr. Smiley: What a gross misuse of safety equipment—and your tax dollars.
  • Garnet's attempt at Kayfabe. She reacts to a pretend hit by falling over backwards like a felled tree.
  • Tiger Millionaire loses Lars's favor, so he brings a sign to the match that says "TIGER IS A JERK". When Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma pull a Heel-Face Turn to fight the "Order of Wrestling Haters" (Garnet and Pearl), Lars gets on his side again, hastily altering his sign with a marker to say "TIGER IS not A JERK"

"Steven's Lion"
  • After Pearl tells Steven it would be safer to stand as opposed to crawling...
    Steven: (apparently exhausted and dehydrated) You don't understand... This is how you're are supposed to act in the desert.
  • Steven's ridiculously inept attempt at pretending he taught the lion to say "I love you". And the fact that Amethyst not only buys it hook, line and sinker, but appears to be genuinely touched.
  • Amethyst and Steven deciding to use the Desert Glass as a pillow-fort garnish of all things.
  • Ronaldo's reaction when Steven mentions he's getting a pizza for two.
    Ronaldo: Steven's pregnant!?
    • Steven's response to that is, "I don't think so", like he was genuinely unsure about it.
  • When Steven comes into the Pizzeria to brag about his Lion...
    Kiki: You're not lion, are you?
    Kiki: Steven was LION ...Sorry for using the same pun twice.
  • Lion blows Amethyst into a wall with its roar and she, not even bothering to open her eyes, has nothing to say but "Keep it down, Steven."
  • Amethyst's response to Pearl asking why she didn't Bubblize the Desert Glass.
    Amethyst: Welcome to Shrug City, P.
    Pearl(bubblizing the Desert Glass): We should have done this in the first place.
    Amethyst: In my defense, I forgot.
  • The Gems letting Steven keep his lion.
    Pearl: Are we really going to let him keep that?
    Garnet: We kept Amethyst.

"Arcade Mania"
  • Earlier in the episode when Garnet pulls Amethyst out of a hole in the ground and she cheerfully mentions that she swallowed a rock.
  • When Pearl is first introduced to the arcade:
    Pearl: Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.
  • When made to play a driving game by Steven:
    Pearl: Which one of these buttons is my turn signal?
    Steven: None of them. Have fun!
  • When the game begins:
    Pearl: *raises an eyebrow* Okaaaay...
  • Onion gets enough tickets to win a moped.
  • Amethyst cheating at skeeball. While making fart sounds with her mouth.
    Amethyst: IMMA WIN A AIRPLANE!
  • Steven introduces Garnet to a fighting game. He tries to remember a complicated combo for a special move, but when he can't, he tells her to just punch. Naturally, she takes it too literally. Made even funnier by the fact that she proudly proclaims, "I did it." afterward.
  • Steven combs the beach with a dog-shaped metal detector, and finds another dog-shaped metal detector.
  • He also finds a silver dollar while combing the beach for quarters, calls it "useless" and throws it away. A dollar coin is worth four quarters. This becomes even funnier when you consider Steven might just have naïvely thrown away a rare dollar coin whose value today is in the thousands or tens of thousands...
  • Steven says he hopes the next mission for the Gems is fighting a "giant foot".
  • Pearl and Amethyst discussing the Crystal Gems' chain of command:
    Amethyst: Garnet's the boss!
    Pearl: Well...we're all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objective.
    Amethyst: Yeah. She's the boss!
  • Amethyst plays a harmless but still funny prank on Steven.
    Amethyst: Oh wait, Steven! I just remembered, Garnet had a special mission for you!
    Steven: [eating cereal] Really?!
    Amethyst: Yeah! She says, um, you have to slam your face into that bowl of cereal.
    Steven: Okay. [dunks head into cereal bowl with a hilarious wet slapping noise]
    Amethyst: Good job, Steven! You stopped the foot!
    Pearl: (frustratedly) There is no foot!!
    Steven: [face dripping with milk] Not anymore!
  • The Meat Beat Mania game is constantly spewing out meat-related puns. The one it chooses for the moment Steven knocks off Garnet's glasses, revealing her third eye? "That's rare!"
    • The mere sight of Garnet wildly waving two large hams around.

"Giant Woman"
  • The opening scene with Pearl and Amethyst playing "high stakes checkers." The stakes being that whoever loses gets pelted with water balloons.
  • Amethyst describes Opal as herself and Pearl "mashed together", which leads to:
    Pearl: Is water just hydrogen and oxygen "mashed together"?
    Amethyst and Steven: Uhh...
    Pearl: Analogy wasted.
  • When Garnet returns from a mission:
    Steven: [excited] Garnet! What did ya bring me? [Garnet holds out his gift.] Whoa—a rock! Thanks, Garnet!
  • The montage during Steven singing "Giant Woman" features scenes of Pearl and Amethyst messing with one another in some silly ways, one of which includes Amethyst turning into a shark and scaring Pearl as she tries to cross a shallow river.
  • Pearl and Amethyst have a small but amusing row when it turns out the Heaven Beetle is missing.
    Pearl: I can't believe your attitude, Amethyst. And now you're just slouching over here doing nothing!
    Amethyst: Hey! It's not my fault the Beetle isn't there. Why do you have to make things worse by squawking at me?
    Pearl: I don't squawk!
    Amethyst: Yeah, you're squawking and commenting on my posture!
    Pearl: [speaking over Amethyst] No. No. This is squawking. SQUAWK. SQUAWK.
  • The gang comes across a mountain goat which Steven decides to "adopt" and names it "Steven Jr." After it gets eaten by the bird:
    Steven: My son!
  • When Pearl and Amethyst first attempt a Fusion Dance, Pearl does an elegant ballet, but Amethyst instead does some club dancing which includes shaking her butt at Pearl. Pearl's face after seeing this just screams "how lewd!"
  • Steven mentioning that something terrible will happen if Pearl and Amethyst don't turn into Opal, including him not getting to see their awesome fusion, or getting eaten by a giant bird. Guess what happens not two seconds after he mentions the second possibility.
  • While trapped in the giant bird's belly, Steven discovers Steven Jr. has found the Heaven Beetle... and is trying to eat it.
    Steven: Be a good goat and give me the magic bug!

"So Many Birthdays"
  • Amethyst eating a moldy 5 year old tuna burrito like it was nothing, and then a few moments later clenching her stomach and doubling over.
  • The old painting of the Gems in a boat and period clothing: it's a parody of Watson and the Shark except instead of spearing the shark, Garnet is punching it out of the water.
    Garnet: The hard part was getting the shark to pose.
  • Steven's futile attempts to introduce the Gems to how fun birthdays can be, special mention has to be given to the entirety Pearl's mock birthday, as well as the scene in Amethyst's where she repeatedly beats Garnet with a bat while attempting to hit a pinata.
    Steven: (telling a joke) Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?
    Amethyst: (to Pearl) You did what?
    Steven: To see a "butterfly"!
    Pearl: (genuinely hurt) I never did that! Steven...! Are you telling lies?!
  • Pearl asks if they are too "mature" for birthday parties. Then Amethyst "boops" Pearl's nose with a party hat on her nose and they start fighting.
  • Amethyst joyfully accepting Steven's 'present,' the bat meant for the pinata, while she and Pearl are fighting.
    Amethyst: Awwwww, thanks Steven! I'll use it all the time! (turns to Pearl and raises the bat with a gleefully evil grin)
  • Amethyst tries to hit a pinata while she's blindfolded, but just smacks Garnet in the face with the bat. Her reply? "Higher."
  • Steven revealing that he didn't paint his hair clown-multicolor, he put on a wig over his identically shaped hair, which then poofs back out when he takes it off.
  • At Garnet's birthday party, Steven introduces the Gems to the concept of "Kazoo Racing".
    Pearl: I think this is why aging makes humans die.
  • Amethyst shapeshifting into a baby to fit in the tiny car.
    Amethyst: WHICH WAY TO THE BABY WAR? Eat tread, dirtbags!!
  • Steven sees Onion at the arcade and is reminded of the innocence of youth. As soon as he walks away, Onion pulls out a screwdriver and pops the ticket roll out of the skeeball machine.
  • "A boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend his whole day wackering."
  • A young-adult Steven deciding to get his life together and get a job. He walks into a T-shirt store with a Help Wanted sign... and he looks around the T-Shirt selections for a "job" and decides on the "Professional Beach Hunk" shirt.
  • A middle-age Steven's woefully venting the possibility of eating sugar-free oatmeal when he's old.
  • Steven, realizing he's aged himself up significantly by accident, devises a plan to turn himself back and quickly asks a very confused Lars and Sadie who do not recognize him to "help him into his birthday suit". This leads to Sadie angrily chasing him out of the Donut Shop. With a stool.
  • We cut back to the Gems cleaning up the birthday party and Garnet is still wearing the cape and crown from earlier.
  • Pearl trying to cheer up Steven by dressing up as a CLOWN and smashing a pie in her own face. Every line is delivered with utmost pain and horror as she tries to overcome her natural urge to stay clean and dignified. It's simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking.
    Amethyst: Pearl, get over here!
    Pearl: I can't!
    Amethyst: For Steven! *picks up Pearl in clown costume with a pie and drops her in front of Steven*
    Pearl: *tearing up with every word* Oh, look... I have what- um- what appears to be a delicious pie. I... sincerely hope nothing... happens... to- *cries* OH, STEVEN! *shoves pie in face, sobs in pie*
    Pearl: *A face of utter despair and humiliation*
  • The humor is pitch black but Garnet's reasoning behind shaking Steven near the end is pretty funny.
    Garnet: I thought violence would be the answer!
  • The Gems remind Steven of how he's "Sweet and considerate and only occasionally obnoxious!", causing him to change back and affirm what they say in a shamelessly self-congratulatory tone.
    Steven: I am pretty great.

"Lars and the Cool Kids"
  • When Steven gets too close to the moss, Garnet's solution is to throw a huge boulder at the rock he's standing on with enough to launch him in the air.
    Steven: (lands in Pearl's arms) Steven's here!
  • Pearl's solution to the moss problem: A roll of police tape to block off the area. She summons the roll with a indescribably ridiculous little ritual.
  • The overheard snippet of Mayor Dewey's speech:
    Mayor Dewey: Another reason you should re-elect me: I love babies— *glances over in feigned surprise at a stern-looking assistant holding a baby* Oh would ya look at that— a baby! GONNA KISS IT! *slowly advances towards baby*
  • Things look grim at the episode's climax when the moss overwhelms Lars and Steven. Lars only has a precious few seconds left to talk:
    Lars: Steven?
    Steven: Yeah?
    Lars: ...THIS SUCKS!
  • After regaining consciousness from being engulfed by killer moss, Sour Cream nonchalantly guesses that "I think I died."

"Onion Trade"
  • " I... lost something. Something precious." "(gasp) Your innocence?!"
  • "C'mon, Dave Guy! Is this all you have to offer me, a bunch of paper work? Answer me!"
  • Steven freaking out over Onion throwing away a hamburger. "Not the tomatoes!"
  • The major conflict of the episode is because Steven trades a wand that can duplicate anything any number of times for "Ranger Guy", a single plastic toy. Pearl brings up the painfully obvious:
    Pearl: Why didn't you just replicate Ranger Guy?!
    Steven: (Beat) Dang it!
  • While Garnet and Pearl leap up to stop Onion, Amethyst falls and gets stuck in the pile of toys. Moments later, she sees a bulge moving near her, from which Greg pops out.
    Greg: Oh my gosh, I just wanted some ice cream!
  • Greg and Amethyst are wading through the toys when the former notes that at least it isn't raining toys anymore. Cue a falling car.
    Amethyst: RICH DUCK! *pushes herself and Greg under*
  • After Onion is stopped, Garnet destroys the duplicator wand. Is it because it's too dangerous to keep? No.
  • At one point, Amethyst mentions she used the wand to dump a bunch of garbage in Pearl's room. Later...
    Amethyst: So everything that was duplicated by the wand got turned into nothing?
    Pearl: That's right.
    Amethyst: Rats.
  • "Now we have new memories! Horrible, horrible memories."

"Steven the Sword Fighter"
  • What we see of the Lonely Blade movies points to them being almost pitch-perfect parodies of overwrought Jidai Geki or Kung Fu movies, right down to some atrocious dubbing. Every time a character opens their mouth, Large Ham is served.
  • The Gems are all watching a movie together and the Big Bad turns out to be the janitor. Steven is shocked by this. Pearl points out that he was in the background of every fight scene and is even on the box cover with an Obviously Evil expression.
  • Pearl then starts griping about the inaccuracies in the sword fight, prompting Garnet and Amethyst to shush her.
  • When Pearl first mentions she'll need a sparring partner, Steven tries to raise his hand, only for Garnet to gently push it back down before he's even a quarter of the way through.
  • Pearl vs. Holo-Pearl:
    Pearl: Haha! We shall let our swords decide!
    Amethyst: NERD!
    Garnet and Steven: SHHH
  • It may have been a horrible accident, but Pearl's Major Injury Underreaction to getting stabbed through the gut was some of the funniest Black Comedy this show has offered.
    Pearl: Whoopsy-Daisy!
  • Amethyst eating a cloud. Which renders her floating and puffy for the rest of the episode. Made much more funnier that Garnet of all people is totally okay with it.
    Amethyst: I'm gonna do it!
    Garnet: Go on then.
  • When Garnet accidentally lets go of Amethyst, leaving her floating in the air (and she didn't let go for an important reason either, just because she wanted to cross her arms), her only reaction is a "hm".
  • Holo-Pearl chops down Pearl's favorite tree with a balloon sword!
  • Once Garnet drags Amethyst back, her explanation of what happened is hilarious.
    Amethyst: [in a faux-Southern accent] I got hit by a airplane.
  • Pearl's reaction upon seeing Amethyst still inflated?
    Pearl: (deadpan) I don't even want to know what happened to you.

"Lion 2: The Movie"
  • At the beginning of the episode, the Gems warp in while Connie and Steven are in the room, with some... interesting poses. According to Word of God, they knew Connie was there and were trying to make a cool entrance. Except Pearl looks like she's trying too hard, Garnet looks fairly uncomfortable, and Amethyst does a goofy pose instead.
  • Dogcopter, period. The concept is so profoundly ridiculous that it becomes awesome. THEN we found out that this is the third in a series. THEN Steven tells us it's Connie's favorite film franchise, probably surprising many. THEN she says she hopes it's faithful to the book. Then the viewer doubles over laughing.
  • After seeing the Dogcopter trailer, Amethyst morphs into the title character and shortly transforms her head into a stereo. Garnet casually starts nodding to the beat, while Pearl grumbles and makes a face.
  • "The most exciting thing in my life is tennis practice..."
    Connie: Forehand! Backhand! Overhead Death Strike!
    Steven: Woah, tennis is rad!
    Connie: Well, I made up that last one...
  • Steven's reaction to Lion's new powers:
    Steven: Why don't you tell me you can do these things you do?!
  • When Steven's hand gets stuck to the controls of the cave they're in, Connie casually states they might have to cut it off. Cue an enormous collection of swords appearing and Steven's ensuing Oh, Crap expression followed by a Big "NO!".
    • This is followed by Steven and Connie trying to see what they can do by poking Steven in various ways.
  • Steven and Connie find a giant penny in the cave.
    Connie: Does...that mean it's worth more than a regular penny?
    Steven: Well, that would make cents. [pulls a cheese-eating grin]
  • "I'm so much more... less interesting than you!"
  • "Oh no! It's the robot shooty-thing!"
  • After they've beaten the robot, Connie and Steven buy tickets to the movie. The ticket girl is thus treated to the sight of two battered kids holding a BFS and their massive pink lion.
    • Somehow, she's only slightly fazed by the sight and simply asks if they have a rewards card.
    • Special mention goes to her eyes following a burning tire that rolls behind them.

"Beach Party"
  • The Gems over-the-top introduction/outfit change sequence when Steven introduces them to the Pizzas.
  • The fact the Gems absolutely don't give a damn about being banned from Fish Stew Pizza.
    • When Steven first informs them of the news:
    Pearl: Oh uh... that's okay.
    Amethyst: That pizza wasn't even good.
    Steven: Aren't you guys upset about this?
    Garnet: *nonchalant* Not at all.
  • After the Gems get un-banned from the store.
    Steven: We really appreciate it. Right, guys?
    Garnet: (indifferently) Yeah, thanks.
    Pearl: What were we banned from again?
  • At the beginning of the episode, Garnet comes rocketing down from the sky to attack the giant pufferfish, only to get sent flying into the distance.
  • As a part of defeating the pufferfish, Nana asks Pearl to hit Amethyst (who's turned into a volleyball) into the air as hard as she can. Cue her cracking her knuckles and smiling deviously.
    Pearl: With pleasure.
  • Kofi is yelling at Steven, but it has its problems.
    Jenny Daaaaaad, pipe down!
    Kofi: Oh, did I interrupt your beauty sleep?
    Jenny: (yawns) I don't need to sleep to look pretty.
    Kofi: Now you listen here young woman!
    Nanafua: Kofi, you're going to wake the fish from the dead with all of the noise you're keeping. (shakes fish) Uup, too late. (speaking as fish) Kofi, you so loud. Ahhhhhhhh! (stick tongue out)
  • At Steven's barbecue:
    Nanafua: Aren't you girls hungry? You barely touched your food.
    Garnet: We don't need to eat.
    Nanafua: Oh, you young people and your experimental diets.
    Garnet: I am much older than you.
  • Highlights from the volleyball match:
    Jenny: (misses the ball) Woah! Daddy, you cheatin'!

    Pearl (clones holograms) Over here Amethyst, over here!

    Kofi: (serves ball) KOFI TIME!
    Jenny: Jenny Time!
    Jenny: (misses) Daddyyyy!
  • Which devolves into a shouting match

"Rose's Room"
  • Early on, when Steven is trying to get the Gems to join him for Minigolf, he pulls out a pair of his dad's old, and quite frankly enormous-assed golf pants. Steven mentions they're too big for him, but Garnet can wear them just fine. Even Pearl thinks this is funny, as she is quickly seen snickering about it.
  • Steven running down the list of things that make minigolf fun. "There's castles, and windmills, and I like it..."
  • So, Steven has a room that can generate anything he wants in the world. What's the first thing he wishes up? A tiny whale to give him some fin.
  • Garnet is right up against the door when Steven falls out of it, causing him to slam into her butt-first and send them both flying backward.
  • To make sure he's back in the real world, Steven bites Garnet's arm to see if she's real.
    Garnet: *in complete monotone* Ouch.
    • Then Amethyst bites Pearl just because. In contrast to Garnet, Pearl responds with a sound that could best be put phonetically as "AYEUUUGH!!"
      • Pearl is then seen rubbing her arm with a disgruntled expression. But about a few seconds later, upon learning that Steven caused Rose's room to stimulate an entire town, she elbows Amethyst in the face out of shock. One has to wonder if it was completely an accident or partly getting payback for being bitten.
  • Greg's advice while in Rose's room is half creepy and half hilarious as he starts saying things that don't remotely respond to what Steven is telling him.
    Steven: Uh, Dad? Your advice is making less sense than usual.
    Greg: Well, the important thing is family and friendship honesty values and no one got arrested. *Air Guitar*
  • At the end of the episode:
    Steven: I get it now. Things can't always go how I want.
    Garnet: But guess what? We have time to hang out now.
    Steven: (gasp)
    (Gems are at the golfing course.)
  • "IT'S NOT FAIR! I can't go mini-golfing, I can't play my game, I can't stop going to the bathroom because I ate all that creamed corn... So much corn..."

"Coach Steven"
  • Sugilite being defeated by her own wrecking ball. Complete with comical "Thud!" sound.
  • When Pearl points out to Amethyst that trying to destroy all the pillars in the gem communication hub would take all day:
    Amethyst: *groans* I hate it when you're right, you get this look on your face. *looks over to see Pearl's dorky smug grin* Yeah that's the one.
  • Amethyst's insanely happy spazzing when Garnet tells her they're going to fuse. Then Steven finds out, and they both start shrieking at the tops of their lungs in excitement.
  • After returning from the mission, Steven, with half his head wrapped in cloth, goes to Big Donut to show off his "battle damage" from earlier to Sadie and Lars. Steven dramatically pulls away the wrapping to reveal... a small scratch on his forehead suitable for a tiny Bandaid. Lars and Sadie, who before were curious/worried, immediately break down laughing.
    • Lars starts boasting about his "awesome six-pack" while struggling to open a jar... and then just has Sadie open it, which she does with very little effort.
    • And then after that, inspiration strikes Steven...
    Steven: That's it! We all need a workout. Let's do it! Let's work out together! (points to Sadie) You can beat up Lars...
    (Sadie looks sheepish, but also lovestruck and absolutely delighted)
    Steven: (points to Lars) And you don't have to starve to death if Sadie divorces you!
    Lars: We're not married!!
  • Tubby Greg builds Steven, Lars and Sadie a very ramshackle "gym", and then offers to join them for a workout.
    Greg: Well, I might join you kids. Show you how it's done. I been slackin' on my workout routine for a few weeks. (frowns) Months... Years... (Beat, coughs sheepishly) Decades...
  • When Greg starts working out, he asks Pearl if she was here to "check out some buff studs". She glances him over and gives the flattest "no" you will ever hear.
  • Pearl hugs Amethyst and Garnet after Sugilite finally comes apart, forgetting that they're in tons of pain from all the energy they used up.
  • Pearl gets so riled up at the end from defeating Sugilite she starts clamoring to go on another mission.
    Amethyst: *pained voice* How long is she going to keep this up?
    Garnet: We deserve it. Take it like a Gem.
  • The first lyrics to "Strong in the Real Way", on Steven and Sugilite: "Why do you have to look up to her? Aside from in a literal sense."

"Joking Victim"
  • Sadie reveals they don't make their own donuts ever since "The Incident", with the camera scrolling to a corner of the room covered in black marks with the silhouette of a person within it. Additional black comedy is introduced through the use of increasingly dramatic music which gets cut off halfway when the scene switches.
  • Amethyst spending the episode doing absolutely nothing, and trying to get credit for it.
    Amethyst: We make a pretty good team.
    Steven: You were absolutely no help whatsoever.
    (Begin Iris Out on Amethyst)
    Amethyst: (shrugging) Eh.
  • Mayor Dewey unveling the largest bowl of ice cream in Beach County.. which Lars ends up melting with his flame breath.
    Mayor Dewey: (Makes a call on his cellphone) Yeah, it melted Gary. Well, you should've said that at the meeting!
  • The incredibly cheesy 80's video about how to run the donut store. It's made even funnier by Sadie's reactions to the video, implying that the video's length is way too long and detailed.
  • Sadie and Steven discussing the VHS tape:
    Steven: What is it?
    Sadie: It's like a DVD shaped like a box.

"Steven and the Stevens"
  • When Steven's about to be hit by an enormous wave of water in the flooding temple, Pearl breaks into hysterical panicked nervous laughter.
  • After their escape from the Sea Shrine, Garnet bluntly informs Pearl "You have a lobster on your butt." Pearl lets out a hilarious shriek of horror.
  • Amethyst counting the number of Stevens during the climax.
    • Her nonchalant counting is made better by Garnet and Pearl standing next to her, staring with their mouths hanging open in complete shock.
  • Pearl's face when Steven sings "I accidentally created an alternate timeline!" in the closing song
    • "I learned to stay true to myself by watching myself die!"
  • The Epic Fail that results when Steven tries to stop the boat from getting stuck in the carwash. The Boat ends up hitting a powerline when it backs up, setting the carwash on fire. Steven decides that it being stuck was better.
  • Who do the Stevens get to replace Steven as their drummer after they rebel against him? Amethyst
    "I'm down for whatever"
  • Steven's banter with himself:
    Steven 4: Okey-dokey, artichokey!
    Steven 1: Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is!
    Steven 3: Well, we're all the same person, so we're all equally prone to being hilarious.
    Steven 1: No, no, that's too smart an observation for you, Three! You're the funny one!
    Steven 2: Wait, which one am I again?
    Steven 1: (irritated) DANG IT, Number Two, you're the smart one!!
    Steven 4: Hey... If Steven 1 is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good-looking?
    Steven 3: No way! We're all extremely attractive!
    Steven 2: Let's go get jobs as models!
    Steven 1: Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one! (Stevens 2 through 4 look sad) Ah, no... I didn't mean... We decided... Ugh... Let's take five.
    Stevens 2 through 4: THERE'S A FIFTH STEVEN!?
    Steven 1: (irritated) NO, I MEAN A FIVE MINUTE BREAK!!
    Stevens 2 through 4: Haha, we know!
    • Which results in:
    Steven 1: I can't believe it. I'm so... annoying!
  • During the penultimate scene, Hoodie!Steven not knowing what the hell is going on and generally freaking out.

"Monster Buddies"
  • Steven taming the centipeedle, with chips.
  • In a bit of Black Comedy, they find a skeletal spelunker deep in the cave... and the centipeedle just charges right through it.
  • When Steven shows off the centipeedle's "spit-acid-on-command" trick. One of them hits and melts a picture of Pearl, changing the picture's expression from happy to furious. The next one hit's Amethyst's sandwich
  • Amethyst spazzing out every time Garnet overrules Pearl.
  • Even though it was a serious Tear Jerker moment, this line said by Steven at the climax of the episode:
    Steven: You have to remember! THIS ALL HAPPENED TODAY!

"An Indirect Kiss"
  • Poor Pearl spends half the episode about one step from going off the deep end. The ridiculous facial expressions are killer.
  • Steven really does not want to tell the story. What really sells the scene is Steven's pained expression.
    Connie: C'mon, tell me the rest!
    Steven: I don't wanna...
    Connie: (concerned) Steven?
    Steven: *looks away*
    Connie: (lovingly) Steven...♥
    Steven: *groans*
    Connie: (frustrated) Steven!
  • Steven only agreeing to tell Connie what happened if she lets him wear her glasses. The horrible squinty face she makes really sells the scene.
    Steven: (wearing her glasses) So, how do I look?
    Connie: I have no idea.
  • The power... to heal.
  • Pearl chastising the brambles for being annoying and clingy...while barely holding onto her sanity and sticking to Garnet like glue.
  • Garnet calmly shushing Crazy Pearl...and then punching a huge rock rock through the brambles.
    Garnet: I needed that.
    • Pearl's response:
    Pearl: (on edge, smiling) We could've probably gotten in without hurdling a giant rock (laughs) into Rose's most precious sanctuary, but if you're okay with it, I'M FINE, TOO!
  • Amethyst speaking backwards.
  • Steven has magic spit.
  • It leads up to some serious Body Horror, but Amethyst falling off the cliff is much funnier than it sounds.
    Amethyst: *facepalming* "This is so embarrassing. *CRACK*
  • Connie's expression on finding out that Steven's backwash healed her vision is about on par with what anyone else would be in that situation. Totally squicked out.
  • Despite the significant Body Horror, most of Amethyst's bodily malfunctions are hilarious.
  • Amethyst teasting Steven and pretending to almost fall off the cliff.
    "Whaaaat, you care about me or something?"
  • Steven saying that he's too tough to cry.
    Pearl: Just today you were crying about snakes .
    Steven: (Teary-eyed) They don't have any arms!
  • The fake-out when it's revealed that Steven's tears actually didn't make the fountain work again.
    Steven: You don't think my crying was...a little related to that?
    Pearl: (sweetly) Oh, Steven, you don't have healing tears. You'll never have any real magic powers, and we don't want anything more to do with you.
    (cut back to the present)
    Connie: She didn't really say that.
    Steven: No, but that's what it felt like.

"Mirror Gem"/"Ocean Gem"
  • Steven hijacking Mayor Dewey's speech with fart jokes:
    Mayor Dewey: "A warm summer breeze wafts through the air..."
    Steven: pfrrrrrrt
    MD: "We all look forward to the sounds of the summer season..."
    Mirror: (as Steven) pfrrrrrrt
    MD: "The smells of the busy boardwalk, (pfrrrrrrt) the hot, wet, ocean wind, (pfrrrrrrt) the time to take that pressure that's built up all year and just let it out! (pfrrrrrrt)"
  • Don't forget: that's Lapis in the mirror making fart jokes at Mayor Dewey.
  • Amethyst tormenting Pearl, who was trying to make the pile of school stuff symmetrical. How? She tries to place a teddy bear onto the pile, only for it to be violently skewered by a frazzled-looking Pearl. The pile of other such damaged items show this had been going on for a while.
  • After the uber scary sight of an angry Garnet minus her glasses, we get this.
    Garnet: That little boy is in big trouble.
    • Followed by a hysterical Pearl.
  • After the shocking revelation in "Mirror Gem" that there are other gems than the main four in existence, and not all of them are benevolent, the tension is diffused a little by this line:
    Garnet: Steven, you're grounded.
    • In the following episode, "Ocean Gem", Amethyst threatens to bury Steven alive until he "learns his lesson" which leads Steven to anxiously explain "That's not how grounding works!" Even when punishing Steven, the Gems can't quite grasp how Earth parenting works.
  • After learning that the ocean is gone and that the Crystal Gems, along with Greg, Lion, and Connie, have gone after Lapis Lazuli, we see Mayor Dewey crying by what used to be the shoreline, while holding a running hose.
  • The mirror communicates with Steven via Mad Libs Dialogue, leading to a lot of hilariously awkward sentences and repeated voice clips.
  • While riding in Greg's van, Greg puts on a CD, saying it was Rose's favorite. The grimaces from Pearl and Amethyst are quite amusing, but this exchange sells it.
    Greg: So, what do you think, Garnet?
    Garnet: (jumps out of the van and rolls away)
    (cut to Garnet riding on the roof)
  • Amethyst lacks subtlety when delivering what happens to be one of the biggest Wham Lines in the show so far.
    Steven: Gems shouldn't fight each other...
    Pearl: *in somber tone* We're always fighting Gems actually.
    Steven: What!?
    Pearl: Oh, how do I put this? ...All Gems aren't necessarily...good and-
    Amethyst: *suddenly wakes up happy and is excited* All-those-monsters-we-fight-used-to-be-just-LIKE-US!!! *eyes widen even more* Right, Pearl?!
  • When Greg sees the giant water pillar made out of the ocean.
    Greg: Guys, I just got the best idea for my next album cover.
  • "Revenge!" "Revenge!"
    • Steven then tries to fight a clone of himself made entirely out of water... with a squirt gun.
  • "Lapis, I'm coming up to see you. So please don't drown me!"
  • When the water comes back, Lars rejoices because it means there will be beach babes. Sadie finally gets fed up and shoves him in.
  • The downright awkward exchange between Steven and Lapis after he heals her. It's the last thing you'd expect after such an emotional scene, making it even funnier.
    Lapis Lazuli: Thank you, Steven!
    Steven: No prob, Bob.
    Lapis Lazuli: (beat) It's Lapis...
    Steven: (beat) ...Yeah.
    Lapis Lazuli: (beat) Okay... bye...
    • The 'ew!' look on Lapis's face when she feels Steven's spit-covered hand come in contact with her gem (which is on her back). It's pretty clear she was expecting something less... gross than healing spit.
  • Pearl's neurosis, "Well, what's that you say about the pork chops and the hot dogs?" towards Greg, who's currently in shock over the destroyed state of his van/house.

"House Guest"
  • This exchanging of words.
    Amethyst: "What, did Greg fall down and break his butt? Ha ha?"
    Garnet: "That's not funny."
    Amethyst: (Sad look on her face) "I know..."
  • When Steven and the Gems leave on their mission, they give Greg a Warp Whistle to signal them if its an emergency and he needs them. Predictably, he blows the whistle twice when they're not even a minute into the mission. The "big emergencies"? The first time: just a test, and the second time: he couldn't find the TV remote.
    • And Steven agreeing that being unable to find the TV remote qualifies as a big emergency.
  • The fact that Greg, somehow, managed to fix a giant ball of electric power with duct tape!
  • Greg giving Pearl a big ol' bear hug for fixing his van. Poor Pearl looks quite traumatized.

"Space Race"
  • Steven & Greg watch a cartoon called "Crying Breakfast Friends", a show about sentient breakfast foods crying.
    Greg: "Yeesh, I must be getting old, I used to like cartoons."
  • Pearl reading out "UUU Space Travel", pronouncing the first part "Ooooh".
  • When Pearl tells Greg his calculations may have been a little off regarding the makeshift spaceship, Greg's response is, "They can't be off if you never made any."
  • During the Hard Work Montage for the building of the Mark 2, Steven uses a blowtorch to... cook grilled-cheese sandwiches for him and his dad.
  • When Greg puts a stop to the building of the ship as his being the CEO of the company, Steven grumbles about the company bylaws. And when Pearl asks who made him boss, Greg motions to Steven, who can only give a sheepish grin.
  • Steven apparently sleeps outdoors in a cute little caterpillar-shaped sleeping bag.
  • Greg talking in his sleep. "No, don't give him the banana... that's what he wants..."
  • "Look at all the buttons! I must press them all..."
  • After the Mark 3 breaks up in flight and Pearl and Steven narrowly escape:
    Pearl: I'm so sorry, I almost got us killed!
    Steven: (deadpan) I'm used to it.

"Secret Team"
  • The entire episode is a string of hilarious reaction faces from Pearl.
    Pearl: "Secret Team?! What's that?! *laughs nervously*
  • When Pearl and Amethyst storm off after arguing, Pearl does a little pirouette before leaping off the water platform.
  • Amethyst's "DO IT!" as Steven is about to jump off the stack of junk.
  • Fryman's reaction to Steven's behavior.
    Fryman: "Steven...are you in a gang?"
  • Garnet calls Kiki "Pizza Daughter".
  • This line from Garnet:
    Garnet:(To Amethyst and Pearl) So you two can't get along unless you think I'm going to kill you.
  • "That kid keeps getting weirder."
    • "I like your hat, Steven!"
  • After the Quartet symbolically rip apart their Secret Team Membership Cards (really cards to trade in for pizza). We get this line from Steven
    Steven: You know, between the four of us. (Beat) We could've had a free pizza.

"Island Adventure"
  • Lars grumbling Steven's name in his sleep.
  • "If I'm gonna be bored out of my mind and possibly die, I'm gonna go to work and get paid for it!"
  • The Musical Slapstick Montage is pretty funny. As a little added visual joke you can see Sadie's legs slowly growing stubble.
  • "Sadie! Use your fish-murdering skills to save us!"
  • Steven covering the eyes of his fish with a leaf to keep it from staring at him as he eats it.
  • Amethyst turning her head into a fly's head when Steven warps them back to freak him out.

"Keep Beach City Weird"
  • Steven managing to get not only Amethyst, but Garnet to join him in playing a game of "Steven Tag". Garnet's (morphed into a red version of Steven wearing her shades) smug satisfaction at winning the game, after spiking Amethyst (morphed into a purple Steven) into the ground hard enough to leave a massive crater, just tops it all off.
  • Steven getting into Ronaldo's "restricted zone"... by asking politely.
  • Ronaldo overanalyzing the holes in the cliff near the temple:
    Ronaldo: Their shape and pattern is repeated over and over! Some might say it's coincidence; I say there's something more...
    Steven: Like what, a double-coincidence?
  • Ronaldo providing his own dramatic echo. "This species isn't indigenous to this region... or this dimension-sion-sion-sion!"
  • Ronaldo explaining that "snake people", or "sneeple" keep control of the government at the highest level with "elections, sports, and anime message boards."
  • There's a Freeze-Frame Bonus when the anime message board appears, depicting an argument between a few anime fans. One of the messages appears to be lightly mocking people who insist the character designs from the Steven Universe pilot are better than in the show proper as well as a bit of Self-Deprecating Humor on the creators' part.
    "supa-snake": are you an idiot!!?? Koala Princess has some of the best writing and animation of any show ever made, anywhere. i know theres a lot of dumb Soul Blaster fans here who can't appreciate that. and they should be banned
    "ven0m0us": its koaRA princess morooonnnn!!!! there's no L in chinese
    "piethon": How can you still watch that garbage? its been worthless ever since they changed the designs
  • Steven having to take a minute to wrap his mind around the fact that he and the other Gems are responsible for most of the weirdness of Beach City.
  • Steven's response to Ronaldo's speech on how to find the "truth":
    Ronaldo: Don't get hung up on these minor facts! Truth is about more than that! Truth is a feeling in your gut that you know is true! Truth is searching for anything that proves you're right no matter how small, and holding on to that, no matter what.
    Steven: That kinda sounds like the opposite of the truth.
  • Steven tries to dress up as a snake-person to cheer up Ronaldo. Ronaldo instead bursts into maniacal laughter before knocking out Steven with a potato.
  • Ronaldo (Poor, dumb Ronaldo) picking a "fight" with the Gems. The over the top yells during the "fight" are a stitch.
  • Given the poses the Gems are in, they're actually taking his "psychic ghost powers" seriously. They've probably fought weirder things.
  • Ronaldo's final explanation.
    • Which is even funnier when you realize "Polymorphic sentient rocks" basically describes the Gems.
  • Every one of Ronaldo's over-the-top expressions throughout the episode. Special mention goes to the one right after he kidnaps Steven, mistaking him for a snake person, and tries to interrogate him. There's also this one:
    Steven: Uh, Ronaldo?
    Ronaldo: Yeees, Steven? *turns to him with an innocent expression complete with long fluttery eyelashes*

"Fusion Cuisine"
  • Garnet's attempts to sound like a reasonable 'Mama Universe' over the phone to Connie's mom.
    Garnet: Hello, this is...Mom Universe. Yes, the children are playing swords. Sorry, playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. *hangs up* Sorry, I panicked.
    • Naturally, this is said in her usual tone of complete deadpan, making the idea that she "panicked" ten times funnier than it would have been for any other character. The look of utter shock on Connie and Steven just sealed the deal. You could almost silently hear them sarcastically say "you panicked!?"
  • When Connie admits that she told her parents Steven has a nuclear family:
    Steven: Nuclear?! Sure they make stuff blow up sometimes, but that's because they're magic, not radioactive!
  • Alexandrite is a six-armed giant woman. Steven thinks bringing her to dinner as is won't raise any eyebrows. This combined with the fact that Connie's parents are too fantastically polite to point out that Steven's mom is a multi-armed giantess with green hair, and it's utterly hilarious.
    • Really, the whole situation is a comedy of Insane Troll Logic. Somehow Steven manages to convince himself - and everyone else - that introducing a six-armed giant monster as his mother would somehow be less awkward than introducing his single Dad and three Aunts as his family.
  • In the end, Connie's parents don't bond with Greg and the Gems over how they met, or what they do for a living: they bond over methods of punishing their children.
    Connie's Mother: Wow...that was a masterful use of the "Because We Love You" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's For Your Own Good", myself.
    Connie's Father: That "1000 Years With No Dinner" bit was pretty funny!
    Garnet: (deadpan) All comedy is derived from fear.
    Connie's Father: (laughing) You are too much!
  • When Garnet makes her '1000 Years of No Dinner' punishment, Pearl steps in. In hilarious fashion.
    Pearl: We would never starve you. But you WILL lose your TV privileges. For 1000 years.

"Garnet's Universe"
  • Nearly the entire episode is a fantasy sequence of what Steven imagines Garnet does all day. Cue an old animé Cliché Storm with such wonderful details as the "secret animal friends" and other characters being voiced by other Steven Universe characters and Garnet spewing various old school anime lines with her usual monotone.
  • While Garnet is meditating under a waterfall with her animal friends at the start of the Training Montage, Ringo takes the time to wash his hair.
  • Hopper measures Garnet's power level while she's training.
    Hopper: Seven thousand! Eight thousand! TEN THOUSAND! NUMBERS HAVE NO MEANING! (power measuring device shows power level infinity and then explodes)
  • When Garnet goes back to challenge the fox again:
    Fox: Looks like you're ready for another delicious beating!
    Garnet: Actually, that last one rather spoiled my appetite.
    Fox: How dare you insult my cooking skills?!
  • Garnet getting the obnoxiously similar names of her animal companions mixed up.
    Garnet: Hoppy— ah, I mean— Hopper, no!
  • "Weighted hair!?"
    • In order to see her new power level, the power measuring device spontaneously reforms... then explodes again.

"Watermelon Steven"
  • Steven having to help his dad up after Greg bends over too far doing some tricky seed-spitting.
  • The Watermelon Stevens plan to bury Amethyst alive.
    Amethyst [crying]: "Ahhh! They're gonna put me in the ground!!!"
    (one of the watermelons bring flowers to put on top of her grave)
    Amethyst [still crying]: "Those flowers are lovely!"
  • Ronaldo being beaten up by the Watermelon Stevens. Instead of asking Steven to stop them, he asks him to make sure the camera's recording it for his blog.
  • The fact than the Crystal Gems are for some reason reading the newspaper when Steven arrives at the temple is odd and hilarious.
  • After making an impassioned speech condemning the melons for killing Baby Melon, Steven absentmindedly eats some of Baby Melon's remains. The Gem's disturbed expression only makes it better.
  • Adding to the Black Comedy of the episode, as the Watermelon Stevens are walking away, one of them gets suddenly carried away by a seagull. If you look closely, the little melon is actually waving goodbye as the seagull carries it away!

"Lion 3: Straight To Video"
  • Lion getting the paper bag stuck on his muzzle, and stumbling around trying to get it off.
  • Pearl likes to watch Steven sleep. Often. At the end of the episode, we see her trying to convince the other two Gems to do it instead.
    • After this reveal, Steven tries to get back to sleep and tells them to leave. When he opens his eyes, Lion is staring at him. He tries to send Lion off again, does a repeat, and now Lion and Pearl are staring at him. He chases them off with a pillow, with both Lion AND Pearl scampering away on all fours. With Pearl having the most manic looking smile on her face
  • During the video, Greg introduces himself by his first name, but then suddenly tells Rose to stop the tape. When it starts up again he's got his glasses on and introduces himself by his "Mr. Universe" stage personality.
  • Rose, experimenting with the camera's effects, discovers the show's star-shaped Iris Out effect.
  • When Steven finds the pocket universe in Lion's mane, the first thing he does is rapidly put his head in and pull it out. After a few times, Lion glares at him and growls softly, causing Steven to chuckle sheepishly and apologize. The pocket universe's musical theme switches on and off too.
  • In a bit of Mood Whiplash, Lars intrudes right at the end of the Happier Home Movie, complaining to Sadie that they need to open the shop. Steven and Sadie just stare at him with tears in their eyes, causing him to back away slowly.
  • "Why can't I breathe? Wait a minute, Lion..." The look on Steven's face just sells it.
  • "It's a trap! An adorable trap!"
  • Steven has a dream about playing checkers with Dogcopter, who has a deep mature voice and gives Steven some practical, if vague, advice. Without moving his mouth. Dogcopter pulls out a chess piece and wins the game with it. Then he eats the piece with every sign of satisfaction. The sheer unexpectedness makes the scene.

"Warp Tour"

  • An allergy ridden Steven is gearing up to sneeze.
    Amethyst, ecstatic: Do it at Pearl!
  • Early in the episode, Amethyst goes into Steven's room, and eats a couple "macaroni cheese" packets from the cupboard. The next night, when Steven's watching the warp pad, she asks what the boy is eating.
    Steven: Macaroni and nothing.
  • Amethyst's reaction when the Crystal Gems stumble upon Steven Junior, now with family.
  • When they're watching Peridot, the Gems have to cover Steven's mouth when he talks too loud. A bit later, Steven watches Peridot crush one of her Robonoids and gasps, covering his own mouth, then waves off Pearl and Amethyst when they offer theirs.

"Alone Together"
  • Steven practicing dancing with Pearl. She's too tall and Steven bumps into her, where he falls down aside like a brick and gets her surprised.
  • Garnet's big goofy smile when Steven and Connie have fused into Stevonnie. (Pearl thought Steven couldn't do it, Garnet thought he could. Garnet is very happy to be proven right.) Amethyst even thought it was hilarious, given how out of character it is.
  • The fact that both Lars and Sadie are both completely smitten with Stevonnie.
  • Sour Cream DJing with two Game Boy Pockets/Colors and a Game Boy Advance, and his giving away free glow sticks after Steven and Connie de-fuse, just going with the absurdity.

"The Test"
  • The "Citchen Calamity" game they played at the start is so complicated, not even Pearl can understand it.
    • Garnet seems to have a decent understanding.
      Garnet: *reading a card* I am now the owner of the golden can opener. *Beat* Yesssss.
  • Pearl's blank expression when she realizes that she said more than she planned. Her "Oh, Crap" after "Oh, Crap" expressions and Amethyst's lampshading of Pearl's blunders really sells it.
    Pearl: (...) Besides, that Spire was in much worse shape than we thought. It should've been even easier...
    Amethyst: Nice one.
  • Steven finishing the test leads to a sudden homage to the last scene of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

"Future Vision"
  • Steven deciding he can't be into an anime (or possibly a Super Sentai show) called "Ninja Squad" any more because he's a "big boy", so he tears down his Ninja Squad poster. Only to replace it with a "New Ninja Squad" poster which looks decidedly more angsty.
  • Steven also decides that saying things like "I'm a big boy now!" is too childish, so he instead tries saying "I'm a... large... man now."
  • When Steven hints that he wants Garnet to go with him to Big Donut for breakfast, there's an amusing sequence where it alternates between Garnet's deadpan face and Steven eagerly awaiting her answer. During the shots of Steven's face, he makes his eyebrows wiggle around with a goofy smile on his face while a silly little chip-tune plays.
  • "I drink coffee for breakfast."
  • Steven's chibi-style imagined deaths throughout the episode including choking on fry bits, falling down a sewer, food poisoning, two Beedrill-esque wasps stabbing him to death, objects falling on him (including the Big Donut, a fridge and a chandelier), and the return of Cookie Cat.
    Steven: Cookie Cat, you're real?! (gets zapped with laser) Ah, no! I never considered that you would be evil!
  • When Garnet has to leave on a mission while a paranoid Steven is making lunch:
    Steven: At least tell me what's gonna happen with my lunch! Do I choke on a pickle?
    Garnet: Umm, you don't choke on a pickle.
    Steven: That means something else happens with the pickle!
  • Steven and Garnet randomly preforming an exercise routine to a Korean workout tape. After about thirty seconds, Garnet smashes the stereo with her gauntlet and declares she's had enough.

"On the Run"
  • During their travel montage, Steven befriends a racoon. In the next scene, it's attacking him. After they board the train and try to eat, the racoon attacks again.

"Horror Club"
  • Ronaldo living in a haunted house.
    • Ronaldo greets Steven and Sadie in a costume, laughing maniacally, only to get flustered when he notices Lars, causing him to drop and break his mask.
  • Steven assures the others that he'll be fine with the movie. The next scene has him behind the couch.
  • Steven finds the movie terrifying. The lighthouse trying to kill them?
    Steven: It happens.
  • We get this line when Ronaldo accuses Lars of being responsible for the poltergeist, while Lars believes he's faking it.
    Lars: Sadie, you're not an idiot!
    Steven and Ronaldo: Hey!

"Winter Forecast"
  • Steven and Connie talking about the animal byproducts in marshmallows.
  • Steven is still banned from watching TV.
  • Greg's Costume Test Montage.
  • Steven, Connie, and Greg freaking out when Greg's van spins out on the icy roads.
  • Mr. Maheswaran tells Steven and Greg "I think you know where the door is... since... you're... standing in it."
  • "If we leave Beach City, bad things are gonna happen! Several bad things!"
  • When the Universes finally get Connie home, the Maheswarans offer to let them stay the night because of the snow-storm. Greg is impressed at the prospect of sleeping on the couch.
    Greg: A couch? Ooh-la-la, Chateau Maheswaran!

"Maximum Capacity"
  • Steven saying that it feels like he's waited a whole year for New Years Eve.
  • Steven getting Amethyst to help clean up the mess instead of Pearl, and the Gem's facial expressions when Steven introduces her.
  • Steven tries to sort Greg's stuff into "Keep", "Sell", and "Burn" boxes, but Greg doesn't think they should burn any of it.
    Amethyst: Ah come on, Greg! What are you afraid of?
    Greg: ... Fire?
  • Greg suddenly mentioning that his uncle has a mansion and he lost the deed to it.
  • Peedee saying that odd numbers feel cleaner.
  • Pearl tapping her noisemakers quietly, and Garnet banging them loudly.
  • This exchange:
    Garnet: They better not be watching that dumb show.
    Steven: Little Butler?
    Garnet: Kssshh. (hisses like a cat and shudders)

"Marble Madness"
  • Connie tries to get Steven into her favorite book series, but ends up growing continuously more exasperated as Steven first reads the books out of order...and ends up reading the last book (because he read them starting with the coolest cover). THIS is the face she makes.
    • The concept is he doesn't get is what a familiar is, which he should know considering his relationship towards Lion.
  • "GOOP HUG!" Made even better by the fact that even Garnet gets in on the fun.
  • When Steven calls Connie, her mom says that she thinks that his name can't be real.
  • Apparently Steven isn't sure that Onion is human.
  • Garnet says they can't fight the Robonoids forever, after the Crystal Gems are seen getting increasingly exasperated with having to fight them.
    Garnet: Well, we can, but I don't want to.
  • Peridot may be legitimately threatening, but she's also the perfect straight man to Steven's lovable goofiness, from her Double Take when Steven reveals himself to her, assuming that "Stevens" are a species unto themselves that have overtaken the Earth, and the fact that she still takes the Crying Breakfast Friends sticker completely seriously.
    "Why do you keep destroying my things?!"
  • After Steven confronts Peridot directly at the Kindergarten, he admits that it wasn't his best thought out plan. Garnet reassures him... sorta.
    Steven: Okay, I-I might've gone a little too far this time.
    Garnet: Well, Steven, you weren't completely wrong - we learned something new because of your decisions.
    Steven: Alright!
    Garnet: But, yeah, this was a pretty bad idea.
    Steven: Aww, man...

"Rose's Scabbard"
  • Pearl's enthusiasm at describing the battle that took place in the strawberry field, while creepy, is also hilariously inappropriate:
    Amethyst: Man I wish I could've seen it!
    Garnet: No you don't. Countless gems were broken here. It was a maelstrom of destruction and death.
    (Pearl jumps in front of Garnet with a huge smile on her face)
    Pearl: But we won!
  • The entire Funny Background Event of Amethyst trying to help Garnet guide the giant axe into the temple. Particularly "the other clockwise" and "push backward", the latter of which Garnet has to tell her is "pull".
  • Pearl tells Steven that sometimes he looks so much like his mother. While standing in front of Rose's picture, he turns around with the goofiest-looking face, asking "Really?". The split second face Pearl gives is priceless.
  • Pearl hands Steven the scabbard. He immediately starts swinging it around like a club.
  • Pearl asks Steven if he's up for the difficult climb to Rose's armory. The next scene has him wrapped up in her bow while she carries him up the cliff.
  • Pearl gets a huge smile on her face when she brings Steven to the armory, only for it to fall flat when he reveals that Lion brought him there before. Her expressions continue to be funny for a while, but stops being so when she hits a full-blown Heroic BSOD.
  • Steven started using Lion's Pocket Dimension as a storage locker. He demonstrates this by crawling into Lion's mane, then riding a bike out. He even put on a helmet!
    • Normally, he leaps in or at least sticks an arm deep inside to fetch something, usually a fairly big item. During the montage at the end, he casually reaches in to grab... a soda can. Hilarious.

"The Message"
  • "Whoa, hold the phone. Now give the phone to me."
  • The Wailing Stone begins, well, wailing. Garnet manages to shut it off by, ahem, wailing on it with one of her gauntlets, only for it to immediately start wailing again.
  • Steven attempts to quiet the Wailing Stone by placing his arm through it, and its sound travels through him, causing him to scream.
  • Steven's Take That, Audience! moment.
    Steven: (in robot voice) My mind is the internet, I know every continuity mistake ever made on television.

"Political Power"
  • After the first test of the robot disruptor, Pearl announces that she's going to need to cannibalize the washing machine for parts, and Steven will have to wear the same shirts for a while. Steven announces "No problem!" and takes off his shirt to reveal he's wearing another, identical one beneath it for seemingly no reason.
  • Mayor Dewey's descriptions of Steven's "sisters".
    Dewey: You know, the tall one, the purple one, the hot one...
    Pearl: Oh, can I help you?
    Dewey: Yes...
  • Pearl tries to reassure the mayor, "tries" being the operative word:
    Pearl: The power should be back as early as tonight or as late as... never.
  • Steven answers the call to action!
    Steven: Mayor Dewey, this is our responsibility. We'll help you clean up this mess!
    Garnet: (offscreen) No we won't!
    Steven: I'll help you clean up this mess!
  • The mentions of Ocean Town.
    Dewey: Things could be worse. We could be in Ocean Town.
    *crowd laughs, except for Fryman, who shouts "Too Soon!"*
  • Fryman insists that he can't take care of his family with the power off, then amends it.
    Fryman: Well, [Peedee's] fine, but [Ronaldo] can't take care of himself.
  • When the town starts to riot from the lack of electricity, Onion can be seen brandishing a baseball bat. When Steven goes in to calm down the angry mob, Onion stays firm, narrowing his eyes.

"The Return"
  • After Rose's four light cannons fail to take down Peridot's giant-hand ship, Garnet looks through their telescope…not by leaning down to it, but by swinging the entire apparatus, including tripod, through the air with one hand.
  • Mayor Dewey's reasoning for being scared of the hand spaceship:
    Dewey: As a politician, pointing fingers make me very nervous!
    • Mayor Dewey's "catchy slogan" to encourage people to evacuate the city.
    Campaign truck: E-VAC-U-ATE. E-VAC-U-ATE. E-VAC-U-ATE. E-VAC-U-ATE.
  • Steven telling Lion why he needs to stay put while Steven runs to the Gems:
    Steven: If something happens, Dad will need a new son!
    • If you look closely at Steven's contact list, you can see he has Lion as a contact, despite the fact that Lion can't even speak English.
    • Also, Mayor Dewie's photo on the contact list seems to be a really dorky selfie.

"Jail Break"
  • Steven's hilarious facial expressions as he holds open the Force-Field Door for Ruby and Sapphire.
  • Garnet working a You Need to Get Laid joke into her song.
    Garnet: I can see you hate the way we intermingle/ But I think you're just mad 'cause you're single.
  • Peridot's mumblings about being forced to go back to the Homeworld instead of staying on Earth like she originally planned.
    Peridot: "Go to Earth," they said. "It'll be easy," they said.
  • Peridot, tied up in Amethyst's whip, has to hop out of reach when Amethyst is distracted then headbutt the floor with her gem to activate the escape pod.
    • Prior to the above, when the ship first starts to shake, Peridot's complete rigid body bounces out of Amethyst's reach with the most comically perplexed expression on her face.
  • Everyone expresses shock that Steven found out Garnet is a fusion. Is it because it's a soul-shattering revelation? Nope, just a ruined birthday surprise. Steven, ever the cheerful one, says he'll just play along at his birthday.
  • After Lapis Lazuli drags herself and Jasper into the ocean together as Malachite, Garnet comments:
    Garnet: Yikes. They are really bad for each other.

    Season 2 
"Full Disclosure"

"Open Book"
  • When Steven finished The Destiny's End.
    Connie: What did you think of the ending?
    Steven: I thought it was on page 917.
  • The Destiny's End, the final entry in The Spirit Morph Saga, has fifty pages devoted to describing a cake. Steven finds this ridiculous; a cake with no strawberries clearly deserved no more than twenty pages.
  • When Steven decides to get to the "challenge authority" thing Connie mentioned, he conjures three guards to stop them and lists his crimes as "selling without a permit" and "not old enough to drive a cart". Each one is accompanied by a scroll covered in nothing but "blah", only the second ends with "They're pretty serious, guys."
  • Connie's rant about why the ending to The Spirit Morph Saga was terrible is pretty hilarious, especially because of Steven off to the side barely following any of it.

"Joy Ride"
  • The scene with Buck and Sour Cream throwing pizza at Steven's window to get his attention, especially when Sour Cream mentions that they have to deliver what's left to Mr. Smiley.
    Steven: Pizza rain! But no pizza clouds...
  • "Freedom smells like pepperoni."
  • Buck realizes the limitation of Screw the Rules, I Have Connections! when he says his father can't tell him how to act like the mayor's son.
    Buck: You can't tell me what to do, I'm the mayor's—wait...
  • Even though the conversation itself is pretty sad, Steven relating his personal issues leaves the Cool Kids completely wide-eyed and in Stunned Silence. He definitely one-upped their problems.
  • The entire montage of Steven and the Cool Kids playing with the escape pod.
    • When they find it, Sour Cream's first response to the escape pod is to pick up a big rock and throw it at it.
    • And again while Buck kicks it.
      Sour Cream: Here come the rocks! (Drops large armful of rocks on the pod.)
    • And again for the closing shot of the episode.
      Sour Cream: I'm invincible! [subtitle: EARTH FOREVER!!]
  • The various photo montages, with everyone making goofy faces and putting on silly glittery stickers. Especially at the end when the Gems get in on the act, although Pearl looks baffled by the whole thing.
  • Steven finally gets ungrounded from watching TV! Also counts as a Heartwarming Moment.

"Say Uncle"
  • One of the first clips for the Uncle Grandpa crossover features Uncle Grandpa, dressed in military gear, aiming a cannon at Steven. When Steven mentions this doesn't seem safe, Uncle Grandpa just says, "Don't worry kid, I'm wearing a helmet."
  • Uncle Grandpa's spectacular introduction to Steven; it involves an elaborate water show with dolphins lining the sides spraying water and birds carrying a wreath as a giant clamshell rises from the water, opening up to reveal Uncle Grandpa is inside. The kicker is that he is dressed as Rose Quartz.
  • Uncle Grandpa dismisses something many fans were worrying about.
    Steven: Oh my gosh, Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean, I really can't believe it. How is this even possible!?
    Uncle Grandpa: Don't worry bro, none of this is canon.
  • Uncle Grandpa ends up being... well, Uncle Grandpa. Via being present in a flashback to "Gem Glow"—he was in a promotional bumper, so he could see the episode.
  • After presenting himself to Steven, the first thing UG does is state that nothing that was happening now was canon. To demonstrate, he proceeds to use a literal can(n)on to literally sink Lars and Sadie's ship.
    • Prior to the episode airing on April 2nd, the crew had been adamant that it was all going to be canon. A sizeable chunk of the fandom flipped its lid. Sure enough, one of the first things Uncle Grandpa does is write out a big "APRIL FOOLS" in the air.
  • The Gem's reaction to UG's title:
    Amethyst: Uncle... Grandpa?
    Pearl: So that would make him Greg's brother... and father?
    Garnet: That would explain a lot.
  • How do the Gems react to Uncle Grandpa's Reality Warper nature? With complete shock and horror of course!
    Pearl: *Incoherent laughter before fainting*
    Garnet: *shivers*
  • Amethyst eating a three way sub with Steven and Uncle Grandpa, much to Pearl's frustration.
    • Hell, Pearl's entire conversation with Uncle Grandpa is hilarious.
    Pearl: (uneasily) (ahem) Um... Uncle Grandpa?
    Uncle Grandpa: Good morning!
    Pearl: Yes. We have decided to—
    UG: (playing a Smash Bros-esque game with Steven) Play video-games?
    Pearl: (patiently) No. Uh...
    UG: (running circles around Steven) Run around in circles?
    Pearl: (less patiently) No...
    UG: (eating a three-way sub with Steven and now Amethyst) Eat a three-way sub?
    Amethyst: (to Pearl) Yo.
    Pearl: (with crazed spirals in her eyes) AMETHYST!
  • Pearl's increasing panic over the course of the episode, especially when the Gems are trapped in an eternal white void.
    Garnet: Pearl, you're overreacting.
    Pearl: (cartoonishly freaking out) I'M NOT OVERREACTING!!!
  • When the Gems finally decide to take down UG, a sudden narration presents the situation as the introduction to a fighting game round.
    • Amethyst then proceeds to trip over the "y".
  • Mr. Gus shows Steven his "Gemsona".
    • Pizza Steve then proceeds to erase the drawing and replace it with a poorly-drawn picture of himself.
    Mr. Gus: Hey! Why didn't you draw that on a new layer?!
  • After Uncle Grandpa leaves, he pulls out a list of people he's visited, and lists off Dexter, Dee Dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper, the SWAT Kats, Flapjack and Finn. He checks off Steven's name, and it shows that Clarence is next.
  • Amethyst ends up eating Pizza Steve, and the episode ends with a dedication to him saying "In loving memory of Pizza Steve", with the same bad drawing of the slice that Pizza Steve had made earlier.
    • Why was Pizza Steve with the Gems in the first place? He put on a Paper-Thin Disguise and tried to pass himself off as "Pizza Steven Universe", prompting another hilarious reaction from Pearl.
    Pearl: THAT'S NOT MY BABY!
    • Also, Amethyst's dry remark at the end of the episode.
    Garnet: (after Steven used his shield to protect Uncle Grandpa) He must really care about [Uncle Grandpa].
    Amethyst: I hope he didn't care about that pizza.
  • How utterly exaggerated Pearl is for the entire episode. We've seen her at the point of hysteria before, but this is quite something else. You could swear she was acting like Squidward on a very bad day, or even a rejected Uncle Grandpa character.

"Story for Steven"
  • Before Greg starts telling his story while the two are in his van, he tells Steven to "Sit back, and get comfy." His response is to crawl under the covers of the van's bed.
    Greg: I didn't mean that comfy.
  • The incredibly chipper way that Greg introduces Marty, only to say in the exact same tone of voice, "He's dead to me."
  • On the old fence around the Crystal Gem temple, underneath the official "KEEP OFF BEACH" sign someone (probably Rose Quartz, judging by the handwriting) has added a hand-written "Please".
  • Amethyst pretending to be an owl, and Greg's face when she starts talking.
  • The Gems meeting Greg for the first time since apart from Rose they have No Social Skills; Garnet would've thrown him over the fence until Rose stopped her. Speaking of which, Garnet blushes when Rose makes her drop Greg.
  • A tounge tied Greg gives Rose her free T-shirt and while she is flattered...
    Rose: (stage whisper to the other gems) His gimmick is space.
  • Amethyst asking Greg to play something, and Garnet manifesting a gauntlet and saying that he'd better make it good.
  • When Greg realizes that he might be late, he asks the Gems what time it is. Pearl hesitantly replies "nighttime?"
  • Pearl's Flat "What." when Greg says that he didn't drop out of community college for nothing.
  • Pearl going all Clingy Jealous Girl when Greg leaves, saying that she can sing. Rose cracks a grin, and Garnet and Amethyst burst into giggles.

"Shirt Club"
  • The episode starts off with Steven drawing images for Greg's guitar classes; when he asks the Gems for feedback:
    Steven: (in response to why his drawing has thunderbolts around the guitar) Well, those are supposed to show how much he rocks at the guitar!
  • Buck entering the Big Donut, sees nothing but donuts on sale... and for reasons unknown, orders a salad; Lars is all too quick to comply, despite the fact that, as Sadie makes clear, they don't even have vegetables.
  • Mayor Dewey trying to speak slang to his son in the hopes Buck will help him get re-elected is forced and all the better for it:
    "You know I gotta gank dem youth votes, boy-eeeeee!"
  • Sour Cream's reaction to being pegged with a Guitar Dad t-shirt: "This is the coolest thing I've ever been hit in the head with!"
  • Ronaldo gets a shirt too... and thinks it's a sign from extraterrestrials trying to make contact with him.
  • Steven firing off the Vote For My Dad shirts into the crowd at Mayor Dewey's bench commemoration is a beautiful spoofing of assassination scenes.
    Mayor Dewey: I've been... shirt...
    • Not to mention that when Mayor Dewey's bodyguards see the "shooting," they both panic and run away.
  • Near the beginning of the episode, the Gems have various boxes and instruction manuals out. When Steven returns later, it turns out the boxes were kits for building basic stools; one of them has been constructed, the other two have been reduced to looking like failed modern art, and the advanced alien warriors appear to have given up trying to fix them.

"Love Letters"
  • Jaime asks Garnet out on a date. The issue? Garnet is a fusion of two lovers.
    Connie: I think he's asking you out...on a date!
    Steven: Well that ain't happening.
    Garnet: Nope.
  • The flashback to Jamie writing the letter to Garnet shows him in full Shakespearian get-up, writing with a huge quill, with the room he's in lit by candlelight. And then, his quill catches on fire and he spends the rest of the flashback trying to put it out.
  • Jamie's love letter itself is a hilariously over-the-top pile of Purple Prose and tortured metaphors.
    "To Garnet: When I saw you rise like an ancient sea nymph, a white-hot steel pierced the deepest artery of my being! You, you are a cardiac surgeon and I am your transplant patient, and you stand poised over my chest, holding my still-beating heart, hesitating, waiting, wondering! So I implore you to join me for dinner, or maybe lunch if you wanna keep it casual, next Friday at the Crab Shack. I await your response as the camellia awaits the rise of the moon... 'cause, y'know, it only blooms at night and stuff. Love, Jamie."
  • Garnet's original rejection letter was amusingly cold.
    Garnet: Start with the letter "N".
    Connie: Okay. What's next?
    Garnet: Uh, the letter "O".
    Connie: Uh, okay. You can just say the whole word instead of spelling it out.
    Garnet: Period.
    Connie: So "N", "O", period? (realizing Garnet spelt "No.") Oh.
    Steven: I think we'll need more than that.
    Garnet: "The end. Forever. And even after that."
    Steven: "Yours truly, Garnet".
    Connie: At least it's honest and to the point.
  • The fact that Jamie is the only Beach City mailman who knows where Steven lives, and that a huge pile of mail built up while he was away.
  • When Jamie confronts Garnet with the (unknowingly fake) letter from Garnet Steven and Connie wrote, Garnet's reply is a really confused and high octave "I didn' write that!" while her face (or what little we can see of it anyway due to her shades) still has that stoic and stern expression she usually wears.
  • When Garnet lets Jamie down easy, the otherwise touching conversation ends on a hilarious note.
    Jamie: So what am I supposed to do now?
    Garnet: Start with local theater.
    (Garnet pats his back so hard he nearly falls over and then walks off)
  • Pearl asking Greg about "Crying Breakfast Friends".
    Pearl: Do you understand that cartoon show?
    Greg: I don't understand anything anymore.
  • Apparently Amethyst likes to put motor oil on sandwiches.
  • Steven convinces Amethyst to take a "Which Crying Breakfast Friend Are You?" quiz he found online. She gives obviously bogus answers to the first two questions, and Steven asks her "Are you taking this seriously?" Which turns out to be one of the questions in the quiz.
  • "Wait! I have loads more probing personal questions to ask!"
  • Amethyst's impersonation of Pearl, though Garnet doesn't apparently find it amusing.
  • After the third time Amethyst has to regenerate after her physical form gets destroyed, Steven says this.
    Steven: "Is it weird I'm getting numb to this?"
  • Garnet's Comically Serious moment when Amythest first gets poofed. The fact that the monster's called 'The Slinker' in general,
    Garnet: SLINKER!

    Side Materials 
"Keep Beach City Weird"
  • When Ronaldo is trying to explain the giant teacup that got thrown into the ocean during "Serious Steven".
    "While everyone else in town seems ready to write the incident off as an "accident", I think we WEIRDIES know exactly who to blame... no, not the Irish. I have taken that blog post down and apologized."
  • The Carnie Graveyard:
    "Back in the 30s, the county passed a law banning "circus folk" from being buried amongst "regular folk". So the circus folk found a plot of land where they could bury their loved ones with respect, or in the case of the clowns, shove them all into one coffin."
  • Ronaldo had to cut his blog about pterodactyl drones short because he couldn't upload his two terabyte PDF. And one of the labels on the drawing he did post is "wind lines (for wind)".
  • There were two entries based on "Tiger Millionaire": one showing him as the "Loch Ness Bloggster" right before his fight with Amethyst, assuring readers he'd be alright as "wrestling is just pretend!" The next entry:
  • Why did the blog stop during long the period between episodes?
    "I've been off the grid for the summer. Not because government was on my tail, but because I... dropped my phone in the toilet.
    And then I was googling 'how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn't gross' and I... dropped my laptop in the toilet."
  • The tale of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City's most infamous arsonist:
    "He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862. Back then, there weren't many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times."
  • When posting his bewilderment over the sudden appearance of a fence around the lighthouse, Ronaldo speculates this "mysterious fence mason" has something to hide... then declares they're doing him a favor. "That lighthouse indeed holds many secrets... secrets of my OWN!!! ...I've said too much, please don't reblog this post."
      "WHAT?! I explicitly said to NOT reblog the post!!! IF THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO TROLL ME, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED. I AM UNTROLLABLE."
  • On Halloween 2014, after the events of the episode that shares a title with the blog, Ronaldo opened up his ask box and answered some questions. Questions relating to polymorphic sentient rocks, the benefits of subs and dubs, and furries. These got so popular that Crewniverse (technically, the mod blog of Keep Beach City Weird) had to shut down the ask box after a day from a sheer amount of content. A single day.
  • Ronaldo reviews Soul Blaster, a Show Within a Show mentioned in one of the comments of "Keep Beach City Weird". It turns out to be about a teen who fights with a cannon powered by the ghost of his dead little brother. He recommends selections of the source manga: chapters 1-26, 237-349, and 1245-3762note .
    It's really only 7 months out of your life, but a 7 months well spent.
  • Ronaldo's failed attempt to broadcast his watermelon autopsy from "Watermelon Steven":
  • Ronaldo reveals the fate of the author of the No Home Boys:
    In 1965, the author of the No Home Boys, Dustylegs Jefferson, died tragically when he was hit by a train full of circus animals at a book signing in active train yard (sic).
    • In the following post, Ronaldo reveals his No Home Boys Original Character (image), complete with edamame beans and a video game sword for fighting wolves and opening the bean can.
  • In his list of "Top 5 Regrets", Ronaldo laments buying a $300 replica sword from the OAV Beautiful Girlfriend Satan... when he could have bought a $600 replica sword from Samurai Friend Zone.
  • Ronaldo's musical preferences:
    I only listen to jazz from Korea! K-Jazz! Played by beautiful boys with distinct personality archetypes!
  • As Ronaldo is evacuating during the events of "The Return/Jail Break", his pictures indicates his younger brother got to ride shotgun. Ronaldo also gives his potentially final request:
    In case I get shot down by an alien, there’s a folder on my desktop that says DO NOT DELETE. Please delete that folder!

Attack the Light
  • You find the first human skeleton lying around and search it. What does Steven find? Ice cream!