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Funny: Steven Universe

The show

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    "Gem Glow" 
  • Pearl calmly explaining to Steven that he isn't ready to join them on quests while she snaps a centipeetle's neck with her bare hands. She doesn't even take her eyes off Steven as she does it.
  • When Steven asks where they got so much of his favourite ice cream, Pearl explains that they knew it was his favourite, so:
    Amethyst: We went out and stole a bunch!
    Pearl: *annoyed* I went back and paid for them.
  • "Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy! Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy! Cookie Cat! HE LEFT HIS FAMILY BEHIND!"
  • Lars' reaction to Amethyst slicing the dumpster in half behind the Big Donut.
    Lars: Again?!
  • Garnet's speech, which switches from her normal stoic tone to a bit of Large Ham, only to suddenly whip back when she ends with "At least, that's how I do it." Steven's reaction is also pretty fun.
  • When Steven comes to the conclusion that his powers are summoned by eating ice cream, a concerned Pearl picks up one of the wrappers and eyes it suspiciously.
    Pearl: What's in these things?
  • At the end of the episode:
    Amethyst: Are you crying?
    Steven: ONLY A LITTLE!

    "Laser Light Cannon" 
  • Steven is told the thing coming from the horizon is a "Red Eye".
    Steven: RED EYE?! It's going to infect us all!
    Garnet: That's pink eye, Steven.
  • Peal tries to sugarcoat why they aren't going to Greg for help. Amethyst... not so much.
    Pearl: Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust him with such a powerful weapon.
    Amethyst: Your dad's kind of a mess, Steven.
  • Garnet says they can handle it. She then chucks Amethyst straight into the Red Eye. It fails.
    • Later, when Steven points out the Red Eye to Greg, Amethyst suddenly appears out of nowhere and apparently has been chucked into the Red Eye again. Once again, it fails.
    Amethyst: RAAAAGH! (BONG......)
  • "That thing about pork rinds?" "Hot dogs."
  • The ending where Greg's van gets washed away by the tides:
    Greg: My van!
    Steven: Don't worry, Dad. If every pork chop were perfect—
    Greg: I LIVE IN THERE!

    "Cheeseburger Backpack" 
  • Because of the storyboard artist for this episode (Ian Jones-Quartey) has a rather unique style compared to the others, many of the expression characters get throughout this episode are a bit off... and very, very funny.
  • The girls are back... with a giant egg.
    Garnet: (feathers in hair) Hello, Steven.
    Pearl: Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!
    Amethyst: What? I got this! (slowly pulls fridge shelf out... then just drops it; shoves the egg in) Look, it fits! (slams refrigerator door; audible cracking noises)
  • Steven has a toy called a "Mr. Queasy Doll".
    Mr. Queasy: Oh, kid, don't shake me! I got a medical condition!
  • Pearl suggests an intricate plan to get past an entire room of creepy-crawlies... but Steven just throws some bagel sandwiches to lure them away. And it works.
    Pearl: ...How did you know that would work....?
    Steven: If I were a shrimp, that's what I'd do!
    Amethyst: You are a shrimp.
    • As they moved on, Pearl added:
    Pearl: I just want everyone to know—My plan would have also worked.
  • When the gang encounters a current of gushing water they have to cross, they turn to Steven for suggestions. They chant "Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!" until Steven pulls a raft from the pack. "Steven, that's so sensible!" ...He throws the raft in the water, and it gets carried away.
    Garnet: (breaks column and creates a bridge to get across) Great idea anyway, Steven.
  • When they reach the pedestal where the statue should be placed, Steven realizes he left the statue at home. He doesn't give up, however, and suggests they place his doll on the pedestal instead.
    Amethyst: Could that work?
    Garnet: Mm-mm ("I don't know" noise).
  • Even though Steven messed up, the Sea Spire is destroyed, and they're floating in the middle of an ocean, his sisters try to cheer him up, saying at least 50% of his plans worked. Then the raft comes back, making it 75%.
    Steven: WHOO!

    "Together Breakfast" 
  • Steven trying to tell a joke...to Garnet.
    Steven: It's not exactly healthy, but it's in a stack, so I guess you could call it a... balanced breakfast?
    Garnet: ...
    (cut to Steven making an extremely goofy face)
  • Garnet's business in the Temple is to burn a scroll (that apparently contains a trapped Eldritch Abomination), of which Steven snaps a pic with his smart phone. Garnet takes his phone, declaring she now needs to burn that, too.
    Steven: MY APPS!
    • Even funnier, before she burns the phone she breaks it in half.
  • The background music suddenly switches to dubstep when Steven is placing the strawberry on top of the breakfast. Twice.
    • The official name of the song on soundcloud? "Drop The Strawberry".
  • All of Steven and Amethyst's interaction are very reminiscent of an older sister and younger brother... and it's hilarious.
    Amethyst: You've got something on your shirt.
    (Steven looks down.)
    Amethyst: (spraying him with water gun) DUUUUMB!
    • Later…
    Amethyst: You can't outrun me; we both have short legs!
    • The Dumb Police.
  • Amethyst doesn't like her stuff organized:
    Amethyst: Isn't it awful? Pearl organized everything.
    Steven: Still looks messy to me.
    Amethyst: Aw, thanks! I try. (Kicking a pile of junk) BOOM!!!
  • Garnet's absolutely dead pan statement following the possession of the together breakfast.
    Garnet: Now that it has all the power of a breakfast, we have to destroy it!
    Pearl: AAAAHH, it's horrible!!!
  • Steven and the Gems finally make a together breakfast... then remember that the last one tried to eat them and decide on pizza instead.
    Garnet: It did try to kill us.

    "Frybo" 
  • Steven having an internal monologue when Pearl is lecturing him about gem shards. He realizes that he's not listening, but doesn't want to tune in mid-lecture.
    • The way his eyes abruptly drift into Fish Eyes as he stops paying attention.
    • And later, when she frantically asked if he heard what she said, he gives an honest "No!"
  • Steven when he spots his sentient pants: "THAT'S UNUSUAL!"
    • Not to mention Steven's line once he finally gets his pants back on:
    Steven: I wear the pants in this relationship!
  • Pearl, a fearless defender of mankind, is incapacitated for most of the battle by getting ketchup in her eyes.
  • What does Steven do to defeat Frybo when it turns evil? He animates the clothes on his body so they can attack; leaving him in the nude as they lay the whooping on Frybo.
    Steven: Once I bared my behind, I knew he'd crack!
  • "Put your clothes on, Steven."

    "Cat Fingers" 
  • Amethyst using her shape-shifting to tease Pearl.
    Amethyst: (As Pearl) *Smacks ass* WOMP WOMP!
  • Amethyst doing a spot-on impression of Mordecai in her bluejay form.
  • As mean as it was, Lars's insult to Steven and the ridiculous face he made were pretty funny.
    Sadie: Oh, I'm sure [the cat finger] just wants to play.
    Steven: You're right! And he doesn't have any friends.
    Lars: Oh my gosh. It's just like you, Steven.
  • "I'M AN ADORABLE CAT MONSTER!!!"
  • Amethyst complete agrees with Pearl that this whole mess was her fault, and that Steven shouldn't listen to her.
  • Steven's hurricane of cat puns at the end; Lame Pun Reactions abound. Not even Garnet can take it.
    Garnet: Okay, that's enough.

    "Bubble Buddies" 
  • Steven showing off his bike to impress Connie. Which doesn't exactly work cause he tries riding it through sand.
    • When that doesn't work, he parks the bike near her and starts bragging about the bike. Looking over his shoulder each time with a goofy face to see if he got her attention. He then tries riding the bike. It proceeds to fall over, getting Connie to look in his direction. He runs off in panic and embarrassment.
  • Steven enlisting Lars and Sadie's help to try and burst his bubble. The results are exactly as helpful as you'd expect.
    • Lars licking the bubble
    • Steven referring to Lars as his BFF.
    • After a short absence, Sadie comes charging out of the store with a stool, which shatters pointlessly on the shield. It's delightfully sudden.
  • The harpoon gun.
    • The way Onion just gives a thumbs up after the harpoon deflects off Steven's shield and sinks a boat, as if he thinks that's what was supposed to happen.
  • Steven having the idea to let a rollercoaster car ram into them to break the shield.
    Connie: What happens after it hits us?!
    Steven: We'll be free!
    (Connie just stares into space with an "Is he serious?" expression.)
    Connie: Steven, this is a bad idea.
  • Garnet keeping Amethyst and Pearl from C-Blocking Steven.
    Garnet: Hey! Don't mess with his funky flow!
    Connie: "Funky flow?"
    • She then picks up Pearl and Amethyst up by the scruffs of their necks and carries them off. Like a mommy cat and her kittens.
    • What makes things funnier is that earlier in the episode, Steven had told the Gems not to watch because it would mess up his funky flow. Garnet remembered, and took the comment seriously.
      • And from Steven's reaction it might have embarrassed him more than anything the other two had said.
  • Connie says her parents don't let her eat donuts. Trans fats.
    Steven: Whaaat?

    "Serious Steven" 
  • Steven riding the teacups with Garnet. That image alone is worthy of a chuckle.
  • While Pearl puzzles over the structure of the pyramid to Garnet, Amethyst can be seen running into doorways one after the other in the background, only to emerge from a completely different one seconds later with some evidence of a previous mishap on her. The last one has her pop out in a cube of ice, prompting Pearl to run over and start breaking her out of it with her spear.
  • After falling, the Gems are seen landing one by one on their feet in a rather Badass crouch... then Steven plummets down and slams into the ground stomach-first.
  • After landing in a patch of strawberries, which gets strawberry juice all over him, Steven is swarmed by a bunch of butterflies. The way Steven starts screaming about this is so reminiscent of a certain meme, one can't help but be amused by the hilarious parallels.

     Tiger Millionaire 
  • The titular wrestling alter-ego of Steven, which is basically a parody of "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase; especially his creative back story.
    • And his biggest fans? Lars.
  • Steven imitates Pearl and Garnet. It's as hilarious as you'd expect. Their leitmotivs can even be heard as he does this.
    Steven: *imitating Pearl* Oh Steve, you know you're not supposed to bring peanut butter on missions.
    Steven: *imitating Garnet* I'm not going to say anything, but I expect you to understand that was wrong.
  • Garnet's attempt at Kayfabe. She reacts to a pretend hit by falling over backwards like a felled tree.

    Steven's Lion 
  • Ronaldo's reaction when Steven mentions he's getting a pizza for two.
    Ronaldo: Steven's pregnant!?
    • And Steven's response to that is, "I don't think so", like he was genuinely unsure about it.
    • This episode is a goldmine when it comes to one-liners.
      • After Pearl tells him it would be safer to stand as opposed to crawling...
        Steven(apparently exhausted and dehydrated):You don't understand... This is how you're are supposed to act when they're in the desert.
      • When Steven comes into the Pizzeria to brag about his Lion...
      • Later on...
        Kiki: Steven was LION ...Sorry for using the same pun twice.
      • Amethyst's response to Pearl asking why she didn't Bubblize the Desert Glass.
        Amethyst: Welcome to Shrug City, P.
      • This exchange:
        Pearl(bubblizing the Desert Glass): We should have done this in the first place.
        Amethyst: In my defense, I forgot.
  • The Gems letting Steven keep his lion.
    Pearl: Are we really going to let him keep that?
    Garnet: We kept Amethyst.
    • And Pearl's hysterical laughter afterward.
  • Steven's ridiculously inept attempt at pretending he taught the lion to say "I love you". And the fact that Amethyst not only buys it hook, line and sinker, but appears to be genuinely touched.
  • Another one involving Amethyst and the lion when it blows her into a wall with its roar and she, not even bothering to open her eyes, has nothing to say but "Keep it down, Steven."
  • Amethyst and Steven deciding to use the Desert Glass as a pillow-fort garnish of all things.

    Arcade Mania 
  • Pearl manages to be a goldmine of these in the one and a half minute teaser for the episode.
    • When first introduced to the arcade:
      Pearl: Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.
    • When made to play a driving game by Steven:
      Pearl: Which one of these buttons is my turn signal?
      Steven: None of them. Have fun!
    • When the game begins:
      Game: VROOM VROOM! KILL THE ROAD!
      Pearl: *raises an eyebrow* Okaaaay...
    • YOU'RE HORRIBLE!
  • Onion gets enough tickets to win a moped.
  • Amethyst cheating at skeeball.
    Amethyst: IMMA WIN A AIRPLANE!
  • Steven introduces Garnet to a fighting game. He tries to remember a complicated combo for a special move, but when he can't, he tells her to just punch. Naturally, she takes it too literally.
  • Steven combs the beach with a dog-shaped metal detector, and finds another dog-shaped metal detector.
  • Earlier in the episode when Garnet pulls Amethyst out of a hole in the ground and she cheerfully mentions that she swallowed a rock.
  • Pearl and Amethyst discussing the Crystal Gems' chain of command:
    Amethyst: Garnet's the boss!
    Pearl: Well...we're all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objective.
    Amethyst: Yeah. She's the boss!
  • Steven saying he hopes the next mission for the Gems is fighting a "giant foot".
    • In the same scene, Amethyst plays a harmless but still funny prank on Steven.
      Amethyst: Oh wait, Steven! I just remembered, Garnet had a special mission for you!
      Steven: [eating cereal] Really?!
      Amethyst: Yeah! She says, um, you have to slam your face into that bowl of cereal.
      Steven: Okay. [dunks head into cereal bowl with a hilarious wet slapping noise]
      Amethyst: Good job, Steven! You stopped the foot!
      Pearl: (frustratedly) There is no foot!!
      Steven: [face dripping with milk] Not anymore!
  • The Meat Beat Mania game is constantly spewing out meat-related puns. The one it chooses for the moment Steven knocks off Garnet's glasses, revealing her third eye? "That's rare!"

    "Giant Woman" 
  • When Pearl and Amethyst first attempt a Fusion Dance, Pearl does an elegant ballet, but Amethyst instead does some club dancing which includes shaking her butt at Pearl. Pearl's face after seeing this just screams "how lewd!"
  • The montage during Steven singing "Giant Woman" features scenes of Pearl and Amethyst messing with one another in some silly ways, one of which includes Amethyst turning into a shark and scaring Pearl as she tries to cross a shallow river.
  • The gang comes across a mountain goat which Steven decides to "adopt" and names it "Steven Jr." Most any scene involving Steven Jr. is bound to get some chuckles out of viewers.
    • Then, after it gets eaten by the bird:
    Steven: My son!
  • The opening scene with Pearl and Amethyst playing "high stakes checkers." The stakes being that whoever loses gets pelted with water balloons.
  • Steven mentioning that something terrible will happen if Pearl and Amethyst don't turn into a Opal, including him not getting to see a giant woman, or getting eaten by a giant bird. Guess what happens not two seconds after he mentions the second possibility.
  • Amethyst describes Opal as herself and Pearl "mashed together", which leads to:
    Pearl: Is water just hydrogen and oxygen "mashed together"?
    Amethyst and Steven: Uhh...
    Pearl: Analogy wasted.
  • When Garnet returns from a mission:
    Steven: [excited] Garnet! What did ya bring me? [Garnet holds out his gift.] Whoa—a rock! Thanks, Garnet!

    "So Many Birthdays" 
  • Amethyst eating a moldy 5 year old tuna burrito like it was nothing, and then a few moments later clenching her stomach and doubling over.
  • "A boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend his whole day wackering."
  • Steven, realizing he's aged himself up significantly by accident, devises a plan to turn himself back and quickly asks a very confused Lars and Sadie who do not recognize him to "help him into his birthday suit". This leads to Sadie angrily chasing him out of the Donut Shop. With a stool.
  • A middle-age Steven's woefully venting the possibility of eating sugar-free oatmeal when he's old.
  • A young-adult Steven deciding to get his life together and get a job. He walks into a T-shirt store with a Help Wanted sign... and he looks around the T-Shirt selections for a "job" and decides on the "Professional Beach Hunk" shirt.
  • Steven's futile attempts to introduce the Gems to how fun birthdays can be, special mention has to be given to the entirety Pearl's mock birthday, as well as the scene in Amethyst's where she repeatedly beats Garnet with a bat while attempting to hit a pinata.
    Steven: (telling a joke) Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?
    Amethyst: (to Pearl) You did what?
    Steven: To see a "butterfly"!
    Pearl: (genuinely hurt) I never did that! Steven...! Are you telling lies?!
    • "Higher."
  • Steven revealing that he didn't paint his hair clown-multicolor, he put on a wig over his identically shaped hair, which then poofs back out when he takes it off.
  • At Garnet's birthday party, Steven introduces the Gems to the concept of "Kazoo Racing".
    Pearl: I think this is why aging makes humans die.
  • Amethyst "booping" Pearl's nose with a party hat on her nose.
    • also the, booping and following petty fighting happens directly after Pearl asks if they are too "mature" for birthday parties.
  • Amethyst joyfully accepting the bat Steven's hands for pinata as a gift saying she'll use it all the time... before preparing to use it on Pearl with a giant grin on her face.
  • The old painting of the Gems:
    Garnet: The hard part was getting the shark to pose.
  • Steven sees Onion at the arcade and is reminded of the innocence of youth. As soon as he walks away, Onion pulls out a screwdriver and pops the ticket roll out of the skeeball machine.
  • The humor is pitch black but Garnet's reasoning behind shaking Steven near the end is pretty funny.
    Garnet: I thought violence would be the answer!
  • Amethyst shapeshifting into a baby to fit in the tiny car.
    Amethyst: WHICH WAY TO THE BABY WAR? Eat tread, dirtbags!!
  • Later in the episode, we cut back to the Gems cleaning up the birthday party and Garnet is still wearing the cape and crown from earlier.
    Garnet: It makes me feel...important.

    "Lars and the Cool Kids" 
  • When Steven gets too close to the moss, Garnet's solution is to throw a huge boulder at the rock he's standing on with enough force to launch him in the air.
    • "Steven's here!"
  • Pearl's solution to the moss problem: A roll of police tape to block off the area.
    • Also, the overly intricate dance she performs to create the police tape.
  • "I think I died."
  • Things look grim at the episode's climax when the moss overwhelms Lars and Steven. Lars only has a precious few seconds left to talk:
    Lars: Steven?
    Steven: Yeah?
    Lars: ... THIS SUCKS!

    "Onion Trade" 
  • After Onion is stopped, Garnet destroys the duplicator wand. Is it because it's too dangerous to keep? No.
  • The major conflict of the episode is because Steven trades a wand that can duplicate anything any number of times for "Ranger Guy", a single plastic toy. Pearl brings up the painfully obvious:
    Pearl: Why didn't you just replicate Ranger Guy?!
    Steven: (Beat) Dang it!
  • While Garnet and Pearl leap up to stop Onion, Amethyst falls and gets stuck in the pile of toys.
    • Moments later, she sees a bulge moving near her, from which Greg pops out.
    Greg: Oh my gosh, I just wanted some icecream!
  • Greg and Amethyst are wading through the toys when the former notes that at least it isn't raining toys anymore. Cue a falling car.
    Amethyst: RICH DUCK! *pushes herself and Greg under*
  • "Your innocence??"
  • At one point, Amethyst mentions she used the wand to dump a bunch of garbage in Pearl's room. Later...
    Amethyst: So everything that was duplicated by the wand got turned into nothing?
    Pearl: That's right.
    Amethyst: Rats.

    "Steven the Sword Fighter" 
  • The Gems are all watching a movie together and the Big Bad turns out to be the janitor. Steven is shocked by this. Pearl points out that he was in the background of every fight scene and is even on the box cover with an Obviously Evil expression.
    • Pearl then starts griping about the inaccuracies in the sword fight, prompting Garnet and Amethyst to shush her.
    • What we see of the Lonely Blade movies points to them being almost pitch-perfect parodies of overwrought Jidai Geki or Kung Fu movies, right down to some atrocious dubbing. Every time a character opens their mouth, Ham and Cheese is served.
  • Amethyst eating a cloud. Which renders her floating and puffy for the rest of the episode.
    • The fact that Garnet is totally okay with it.
      Amethyst: I'm gonna do it!
      Garnet: Go on then.
    • When Garnet accidentally lets go of Amethyst, leaving her floating in the air (and she didn't let go for an important reason either, just because she wanted to cross her arms), her only reaction is a "hm".
    • Amethyst also apparently gets hit by an airplane.
      • The way she confesses to it is funny in its own right.
      Amethyst: [in a faux-Southern accent] I got hit by a airplane.
    • Pearl's reaction upon seeing Amethyst?
      Pearl: (deadpan) I don't even want to know what happened to you.
  • Pearl vs. Holo-Pearl:
    Holo-Pearl: YOU'VE ALREADY MADE A MISTAKE BY CHALLENGING ME!
    Pearl: Haha! We shall let our swords decide!
    Amethyst: NERD!
    Garnet and Steven: SHHH
  • When Pearl first mentions she'll need a sparring partner, Steven tries to raise his hand, only for Garnet to gently push it back down before he's even a quarter of the way through.
  • Holo-Pearl chops down Pearl's favourite tree with a balloon sword!

    "Lion 2: The Movie" 
  • Steven's reaction to Lion's new powers:
    Steven: Why don't you tell me you can do these things you do?!
  • After they've beaten the robot, Connie and Steven buy tickets to the movie. The ticket girl is thus treated to the sight of two battered kids holding a BFS and their massive pink lion.
    • Somehow, she's only slightly fazed by the sight and simply asks if they have a rewards card.
    • Special mention goes to her eyes following a burning tire that rolls behind them.
  • At the beginning of the episode, the Gems warp in while Connie and Steven are in the room, with some... interesting poses. According to Word of God, they knew Connie was there and were trying to make a cool entrance. Except Pearl looks like she's trying too hard, Garnet looks fairly uncomfortable, and Amethyst does a goofy pose instead.
  • After seeing the Dogcopter trailer, Amethyst morphs into the title character and shortly transforms her head into a stereo. Garnet casually starts nodding to the beat, while Pearl grumbles and makes a face.
  • When Steven's hand gets stuck to the controls of the cave they're in, Connie casually states they might have to cut it off. Cue an enormous collection of swords appearing and Steven's ensuing Oh, Crap expression followed by a Big "NO!".
    • This is followed by Steven and Connie trying to see what they can do by poking Steven in various ways.
  • Dogcopter, period. The concept is so profoundly ridiculous that it becomes awesome. THEN we found out that this is the third in a series. THEN Steven tells us it's Connie's favorite film franchise, probably surprising many. THEN she says she hopes it's faithful to the book. Then the viewer doubles over laughing.

    "Beach Party" 
  • The Gems over-the-top introduction/outfit change sequence when Steven introduces them to the Pizzas.
  • The fact the Gems absolutely don't give a damn about being banned from Fish Stew Pizza.
    • When Steven first informs them of the news:
    Pearl: Oh uh... that's okay.
    Amethyst: That pizza wasn't even good.
    Steven: Aren't you guys upset about this?
    Garnet: *nonchalant* Not at all.
  • After the Gems get un-banned from the store.
    Steven: We really appreciate it. Right, guys?
    Garnet: (indifferently) Yeah, thanks.
    Pearl: What were we banned from again?
  • At the beginning of the episode, Garnet comes rocketing down from the sky to attack the giant pufferfish, only to get sent flying into the distance.
  • As a part of defeating the pufferfish, Nana asks Pearl to hit Amethyst (who's turned into a volleyball) into the air as hard as she can. Cue her cracking her knuckles and smiling deviously.
    Pearl: With pleasure.
  • Kofi is yelling at Steven, but it has its problems.
    Jenny Daaaaaad, pipe down!
    Kofi: Oh, did I interrupt your beauty sleep?
    Jenny: (yawns) I don't need to sleep to look pretty.
    Kofi: Now you listen here young woman!
    Nanafua: Kofi, you're going to wake the fish from the dead with all of the noise you're keeping. (shakes fish) Uup, too late. (speaking as fish) Kofi, you so loud. Ahhhhhhhh! (stick tongue out)
  • At Steven's barbecue:
    Nanafua: Aren't you girls hungry? You barely touched your food.
    Garnet: We don't need to eat.
    Nanafua: Oh, you young people and your experimental diets.
    Garnet: I am much older than you.
  • Highlights from the volleyball match:
    Kofi: JENNIFER IF YOU TOUCH THAT BALL YOU'RE GROUNDED!
    Jenny: (misses the ball) Woah! Daddy, you cheatin'!

    Pearl (clones holograms) Over here Amethyst, over here!

    Kofi: (serves ball) KOFI TIME!
    Jenny: Jenny Time!
    Kofi: YOU CAN'T USE THE CAR FOR A MONTH!
    Jenny: (misses) Daddy!
  • Which devolves into a shouting match
    Kofi: EVERYONE IS GROUNDED HERE!

    "Rose's Room" 
  • Early on, when Steven is trying to get the Gems to join him for Minigolf, he pulls out a pair of his dad's old, and quite frankly enormous-assed golf pants. Steven mentions they're too big for him, but Garnet can wear them just fine. Even Pearl thinks this is funny, as she is quickly seen snickering about it.
  • Garnet is right up against the door when Steven falls out of it, causing him to slam into her butt-first and send them both flying backward.
  • To make sure he's back in the real world, Steven bites Garnet's arm to see if she's real.
    Garnet: *in complete monotone* Ouch.
    • Then Amethyst bites Pearl just because. In contrast to Garnet, Pearl responds with a sound that could best be put phonetically as "AYEUUUGH!!"
      • Pearl is then seen rubbing her arm with a disgruntled expression. But about a few seconds later, upon learning that Steven caused Rose's room to stimulate an entire town, she elbows Amethyst in the face out of shock. One has to wonder if it was completely an accident or partly getting payback for being bitten.
  • Greg's advice while in Rose's room is half creepy and half hilarious as he starts saying things that don't remotely respond to what Steven is telling him.
    Steven: Uh, Dad? Your advice is making less sense than usual.
    Greg: Well, the important thing is family and friendship honesty values and no one got arrested. *Air Guitar*
  • At the end of the episode:
    Steven: I get it now. Things can't always go how I want.
    Garnet: But guess what? We have time to hang out now.
    Steven: (gasp)
    (Gems are at the golfing course.)
    Steven: I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT!
  • "IT'S NOT FAIR! I can't go mini-golfing, I can't play my game, I can't stop going to the bathroom because I ate all that creamed corn... So much corn..."

    "Coach Steven" 
  • Sugilite being defeated by her own wrecking ball. Complete with comical "Thud!" sound.
  • When Pearl points out to Amethyst that trying to destroy all the pillars in the gem communication hub would take all day:
    Amethyst: *groans* I hate it when you're right, you get this look on your face. *looks over to see Pearl's dorky smug grin* Yeah that's the one.
  • Amethyst's insanely happy spazzing when Garnet tells her they're going to fuse.
  • After returning from the mission, Steven, with half his head wrapped in cloth, goes to Big Donut to show off his "battle damage" from earlier to Sadie and Lars. Steven dramatically pulls away the wrapping to reveal... a small scratch on his forehead suitable for a tiny Bandaid. Lars and Sadie, who before were curious/worried, immediately break down laughing.
  • When Greg starts working out, he asks Pearl if she was here to "check out some buff studs". She glances him over and gives the flattest "no" you will ever hear.
  • Pearl hugs Amethyst and Garnet after Sugilite finally comes apart, forgetting that they're in tons of pain from all the energy they used up.
  • Pearl gets so riled up at the end from defeating Sugilite she starts clamoring to go on another mission.
    Amethyst: *pained voice* How long is she going to keep this up?
    Garnet: We deserve it. Take it like a Gem.
  • Steven's reasons Lars and Sadie need to workout
    Steven:: WE all need a workout! (points to Sadie) You can beat up Lars. (Points to Lars) And you don't have to starve if Sadie divorces you!
  • The first lyrics to "Strong in the Real Way", on Steven and Sugilite: "Why do you have to look up to her? Aside from in a literal sense."

    "Joking Victim" 
  • Amethyst spending the episode doing absolutely nothing, and trying to get credit for it.
    Amethyst: We make a pretty good team.
    Steven: You were absolutely no help whatsoever.
    (Begin Iris Out on Amethyst)
    Amethyst: (shrugging) Eh.
  • Mayor Dewey unveling the largest bowl of ice cream in Beach County.. which Lars ends up melting with his flame breath.
    Mayor Dewey: (Makes a call on his cellphone) Yeah, it melted Gary. Well, you should've said that at the meeting!
  • The incredibly cheesy 80's video about how to run the donut store. It's made even funnier by Sadie's reactions to the video, implying that the video's length is way too long and detailed.
  • Sadie and Steven discussing the VHS tape:
    Steven: What is it?
    Sadie: It's like a DVD shaped like a box.

     "Steven and the Stevens" 
  • When Steven's about to be hit by an enormous wave of water in the flooding temple, Pearl breaks into hysterical panicked nervous laughter.
  • Amethyst counting the number of Stevens during the climax.
    • Her nonchalant counting is made better by Garnet and Pearl standing next to her, staring with their mouths hanging open in complete shock.
  • Pearl's face when Steven sings "I accidentally created an alternate timeline!" in the closing song
    • "I learned to stay true to myself by watching myself die!"
  • The Epic Fail that results when Steven tries to stop the boat from getting stuck in the carwash. The Boat ends up hitting a powerline when it backs up, setting the carwash on fire. Steven decides that it being stuck was better.
  • Who do the Stevens get to replace Steven as their drummer after they rebel against him? Amethyst
  • Steven's banter with himself:
    Steven 4: Okey-dokey, artichokey!
    Steven 1: Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is!
    Steven 3: Well, we're all the same person, so we're all equally prone to being hilarious.
    Steven 1: No, no, that's too smart an observation for you, Three! You're the funny one!
    Steven 2: Wait, which one am I again?
    Steven 1: (irritated) DANG IT, Number Two, you're the smart one!!
    Steven 4: Hey... If Steven 1 is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good-looking?
    Steven 3: No way! We're all extremely attractive!
    Steven 2: Let's go get jobs as models!
    Steven 1: Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one! (Stevens 2 through 4 look sad) Ah, no... I didn't mean... We decided... Ugh... Let's take five.
    Stevens 2 through 4: THERE'S A FIFTH STEVEN!?
    Steven 1: (irritated) NO, I MEAN A FIVE MINUTE BREAK!!
    Stevens 2 through 4: Haha, we know!
    • Which results in:
      Steven 1: I can't believe it. I'm so... annoying!
  • During the penultimate scene, hoodie Steven not knowing what the hell is going on and generally freaking out.

     "Monster Buddies" 
  • Steven taming the centipeedle, with chips.
  • In a bit of Black Comedy, they find a skeletal spelunker deep in the cave... and the centipeedle just charges right through it.
  • When Steven shows off the centipeedle's "spit-acid-on-command" trick. One of them hits and melts a picture of Pearl, changing the picture's expression from happy to furious. The next one hit's Amethyst's sandwich
    Amethyst: NOOOOOOOOO!! MI TORTAAAAAAAA!!!
  • Amethyst spazzing out every time Garnet overrules Pearl.
  • Even though it was a serious Tear Jerker moment, this line said by Steven at the climax of the episode:
    Steven: You have to remember! THIS ALL HAPPENED TODAY!

     "An Indirect Kiss" 
  • Poor Pearl spends half the episode about one step from going off the deep end. The ridiculous facial expressions are killer.
  • Steven really does not want to tell the story.
    Connie: C'mon, tell me the rest!
    Steven: I don't wanna...
    Connie: (concerned) Steven?
    Steven: *looks away*
    Connie: (lovingly) Steven...♥
    Steven: *groans*
    Connie: (frustrated) Steven!
  • The power... to heal.
  • Pearl chastising the brambles for being annoying and clingy...while barely holding onto her sanity and sticking to Garnet like glue.
  • Garnet calmly shushing Crazy Pearl...and then punching a huge rock rock through the brambles.
    Garnet: I needed that.
    • Pearl's response:
      Pearl: (on edge, smiling) We could've probably gotten in without hurdling a giant rock (laughs) into Rose's most precious sanctuary, but if you're okay with it, I'M FINE, TOO!
  • Amethyst speaking backwards.
  • Steven has magic spit.
  • It leads up to some serious Body Horror, but Amethyst falling off the cliff is much funnier than it sounds.
    Amethyst: *facepalming* "This is so embarrassing. *CRACK*
  • Connie's expression on finding out that Steven's backwash healed her vision is about on par with what anyone else would be in that situation. Totally squicked out.
  • Despite the significant Body Horror, most of Amethyst's bodily malfunctions are hilarious.
  • Amethyst teasting Steven and pretending to almost fall off the cliff.
    "Whaaaat, you care about me or something?"
    "YES."

    "Mirror Gem"/"Ocean Gem" 
  • Steven hijacking Mayor Dewey's speech with fart jokes:
    Mayor Dewey: "A warm summer breeze wafts through the air..."
    Steven: pfrrrrrrt
    MD: "We all look forward to the sounds of the summer season..."
    Mirror: (as Steven) pfrrrrrrt
    MD: "The smells of the busy boardwalk, (pfrrrrrrt) the hot, wet, ocean wind, (pfrrrrrrt) the time to take that pressure that's built up all year and just let it out! (pfrrrrrrt)"
  • Amethyst tormenting Pearl, who was trying to make the pile of school stuff symmetrical. How? She tries to place a teddy bear onto the pile, only for it to be violently skewered by a frazzled looking Pearl. The pile of other such damaged items show this had been going on for a while.
  • After the uber scary sight of an angry Garnet minus her glasses, we get this.
    Garnet: That little boy is in big trouble.
    • Followed by a hysterical Pearl.
      Pearl: Garnet, wait! I'M SURE HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS DOING!
  • After learning that the ocean is gone and that the Crystal Gems, along with Greg, Lion, and Connie, have gone after Lapis Lazuli, we see Mayor Dewey crying by what used to be the shoreline, while holding a running hose.
  • While riding in Greg's van, Greg puts on a CD, saying it was Rose's favorite. The grimaces from Pearl and Amethyst are quite amusing, but this exchange sells it.
    Greg: So, what do you think, Garnet?
    Garnet: (jumps out of the van and rolls away)
    (cut to Garnet riding on the roof)
  • Amethyst lacks subtlety when delivering what happens to be one of the biggest wham lines in the show so far.
    Steven: Gems shouldn't fight each other...
    Pearl: *in somber tone* We're always fighting Gems actually.
    Steven: What!?
    Pearl: Oh, how do I put this? ...All Gems aren't necessarily...good and-
    Amethyst: *suddenly wakes up happy and is excited* All-those-monsters-we-fight-used-to-be-just-LIKE-US!!! *eyes widen even more* Right, Pearl?!
  • "Revenge!" "Revenge!"
  • When the water comes back, Lars rejoices because it means there will be beach babes. Sadie finally gets fed up and shoves him in.
  • The downright awkward exchange between Steven and Lapis after he heals her. It's the last thing you'd expect after such an emotional scene, making it even funnier.
    Lapis Lazuli: Thank you, Steven!
    Steven: No prob, Bob.
    Lapis Lazuli: (beat) It's Lapis...
    Steven: (beat) ...Yeah.
    Lapis Lazuli: (beat) Okay... bye...
    • The 'ew!' look on Lapis's face when she feels Steven's spit-covered hand come in contact with her gem (which is on her back). It's pretty clear she was expecting something less... gross than healing spit.
  • Pearl's neurosis, "Well, what's that you say about the pork chops and the hot dogs?" towards Greg, who's currently in shock over the destroyed state of his van/house.

     "House Guest" 
  • This exchanging of words.
    Amethyst: "What, did Greg fall down and break his butt?"
    Garnet: "That's not funny."
    Amethyst: *Sad look on her face* "I know..."
  • When Steven and the Gems leave on their mission, they give Greg a Warp Whistle to signal them if its an emergency and he needs them. Predictably, he blows the whistle twice when they're not even a minute into the mission. The "big emergencies"? The first time: just a test, and the second time: he couldn't find the TV remote.
    • And Steven agreeing that being unable to find the TV remote qualifies as a big emergency.
  • The fact that Greg, somehow, managed to fix a giant ball of electric power with duct tape!
  • Greg giving Pearl a big ol' bear hug for fixing his van. Poor Pearl looks quite traumatized.

     "Space Race" 
  • Pearl reading out "UUU Space Travel", pronouncing the first part "Ooooh".
  • Steven & Greg watch a cartoon called "Crying Breakfast Friends", a show about sentient breakfast foods crying.
    Greg: "Yeesh, I must be getting old, I used to like cartoons."
  • When Pearl tells Greg his calculations may have been a little off regarding the makeshift spaceship, Greg's response is, "They can't be off if you never made any."
  • When Greg puts a stop to the building of the ship as his being the CEO of the company, Steven grumbles about the company bylaws. And when Pearl asks who made him boss, Greg motions to Steven, who can only give a sheepish grin.

     "Secret Team" 
  • The entire episode is a string of hilarious reaction faces from Pearl.
    Pearl: "Secret Team?! What's that?! *laughs nervously*
  • When Pearl and Amethyst storm off after arguing, Pearl does a little pirouette before leaping off the water platform.
  • Amethyst's "DO IT!" as Steven is about to jump off the stack of junk.
  • Fryman's reaction to Steven's behavior.
    Fryman: "Steven...are you in a gang?"
  • Garnet calls Kiki "Pizza Daughter".
  • This line from Garnet:
    Garnet:(To Amethyst and Pearl) So you two can't get along unless you think I'm going to kill you.
  • "That kid keeps getting weirder."
    • "I like your hat, Steven!"

    "Island Adventure" 
  • Lars grumbling Steven's name in his sleep.
  • "Sadie! Use your fish-murdering skills to save us!"

    "Keep Beach City Weird" 
  • Steven managing to get not only Amethyst, but Garnet to join him in playing a game of "Steven Tag". Garnet's (morphed into a red version of Steven wearing her shades) smug satisfaction at winning the game, after spiking Amethyst (morphed into a purple Steven) into the ground hard enough to leave a massive crater, just tops it all off.
  • Steven having to take a minute to wrap his mind around the fact that he and the other Gems are responsible for most of the weirdness of Beach City.
  • Steven's response to Ronaldo's speech on how to find the "truth":
    Steven: That kinda sounds like the opposite of the truth.
  • Ronaldo (Poor, dumb Ronaldo) picking a "fight" with the Gems. The over the top yells during the "fight" are a stitch.
  • Ronaldo's final explanation.
    • Which is even funnier when you realize "Polymorphic sentient rocks" basically describes the Gems.
  • Every one of Ronaldo's over-the-top expressions throughout the episode. Special mention goes to the one right after he kidnaps Steven, mistaking him for a snake person, and tries to interrogate him. There's also this one:
    Steven: Uh, Ronaldo?
    Ronaldo: Yeees, Steven? *turns to him with an innocent expression complete with long fluttery eyelashes*

    "Fusion Cuisine" 
  • Garnet's attempts to sound like a reasonable 'Mama Universe' over the phone to Connie's mom.
    Garnet: Hello, this is...Mom Universe. Yes, the children are playing swords. Sorry, playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. *hangs up* Sorry, I panicked.
    • Naturally, this is said in her usual tone of complete deadpan, making the idea that she "panicked" ten times funnier than it would have been for any other character. The look of utter shock on Connie and Steven just sealed the deal. You could almost silently hear them sarcastically say "you panicked!?"
  • Alexandrite is a six-armed giant woman. Steven thinks bringing her to dinner as is won't raise any eyebrows. This forces Connie's parents to be fantastically polite, and it's utterly hilarious.
  • In the end, Connie's parents don't bond with Greg and the Gems over how they met, or what they do for a living: they bond over methods of punishing their children.
    Connie's Mother: Wow...that was a masterful use of the "Because We Love You" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's For Your Own Good", myself.
    Connie's Father: That "1000 Years With No Dinner" bit was pretty funny!
    Garnet: (deadpan) All comedy is derived from fear.
    Connie's Father: (laughing) You are too much!
  • When Garnet makes her '1000 Years of No Dinner' punishment, Pearl steps in. In hilarious fashion.
    Pearl: We would never starve you. But you WILL lose your TV privileges. For 1000 years.

    "Garnet's Universe" 
  • Nearly the entire episode is a fantasy sequence of what Steven imagines Garnet does all day. Cue an old animé Cliché Storm with such wonderful details as the "secret animal friends" and other characters being voiced by other Steven Universe characters and Garnet spewing various old school anime lines with her usual monotone.
  • Hopper measures Garnet's power level while she's training.
    Hopper: Seven thousand! Eight thousand! TEN THOUSAND! NUMBERS HAVE NO MEANING!
  • "Weighted hair!?"
  • Garnet getting the obnoxiously similar names of her animal companions mixed up.
    Garnet: Hoppy— ah, I mean— Hopper, no!

    "Watermelon Steven" 

    "Lion 3: Straight To Video" 
  • Lion getting the paper bag stuck on his muzzle, and stumbling around trying to get it off.
  • Pearl likes to watch Steven sleep. Often. At the end of the episode, we see her trying to convince the other two Gems to do it instead.
    • After this reveal, Steven tries to get back to sleep and tells them to leave. When he opens his eyes, Lion is staring at him. He tries to send Lion off again, does a repeat, and now Lion and Pearl are staring at him. He chases them off with a pillow, with both Lion AND Pearl scampering away on all fours.
  • During the video, Greg introduces himself by his first name, but then suddenly tells Rose to stop the tape. When it starts up again he's got his glasses on and introduces himself by his "Mr. Universe" stage personality.
  • Rose, experimenting with the camera's effects, discovers the show's star-shaped Iris Out effect.
  • When Steven finds the pocket universe in Lion's mane, the first thing he does is rapidly put his head in and pull it out. After a few times, Lion glares at him and growls softly, causing Steven to chuckle sheepishly and apologize. The pocket universe's musical theme switches on and off too.
  • In a bit of Mood Whiplash, Lars intrudes right at the end of the Happier Home Movie, complaining to Sadie that they need to open the shop. Steven and Sadie just stare at him with tears in their eyes, causing him to back away slowly.
  • "Why can't I breathe? Wait a minute, Lion..." The look on Steven's face just sells it.
  • "It's a trap! An adorable trap!"
  • Steven has a dream about playing chess with Dogcopter, who has a deep mature voice and gives Steven some practical, if vague, advice. The sheer unexpectedness makes the scene.

    "Warp Tour" 
  • Early in the episode, Amethyst goes into Steven's room, and eats a couple "macaroni cheese" packets from the cupboard. The next night, when Steven's watching the warp pad, she asks what the boy is eating.
    Steven: Macaroni and nothing.
  • Amethyst's reaction when the Crystal Gems stumble upon Steven Junior, now with family.
  • When they're watching Peridot, the Gems have to cover Steven's mouth when he talks too loud. A bit later, Steven watches Peridot crush one of her Robonoids and gasps, covering his own mouth, then waves off Pearl and Amethyst when they offer theirs.

    "Alone Together" 
  • Garnet's big goofy smile when Steven and Connie have fused into Stevonnie. (Pearl thought Steven couldn't do it, Garnet thought he could. Garnet is very happy to be proven right.) Amethyst even thought it was hilarious, given how out of character it is.
  • The fact that both Lars and Sadie are both completely smitten with Stevonnie.
  • Sour Cream deejaying with two Game Boy Pockets/Colors and a Game Boy Advance, and his giving away free glowsticks after Steven and Connie de-fuse, just going with the absurdity.

    "The Test" 


Side materials

Keep Beach City Weird
  • When Ronaldo is trying to explain the giant teacup that got thrown into the ocean during "Serious Steven".
    "While everyone else in town seems ready to write the incident off as an "accident", I think we WEIRDIES know exactly who to blame... no, not the Irish. I have taken that blog post down and apologized."
  • The Carnie Graveyard:
    "Back in the 30s, the county passed a law banning "circus folk" from being buried amongst "regular folk". So the circus folk found a plot of land where they could bury their loved ones with respect, or in the case of the clowns, shove them all into one coffin."
  • Ronaldo had to cut his blog about pterodactyl drones short because he couldn't upload his two terabyte PDF. And one of the labels on the drawing he did post is "wind lines (for wind)".
  • There were two entries based on "Tiger Millionaire": one showing him as the "Loch Ness Bloggster" right before his fight with Amethyst, assuring readers he'd be alright as "wrestling is just pretend!" The next entry:
  • Why did the blog stop during long the period between episodes?
    "I've been off the grid for the summer. Not because government was on my tail, but because I... dropped my phone in the toilet.
    And then I was googling 'how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn't gross' and I... dropped my laptop in the toilet."
  • The tale of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City's most infamous arsonist:
    "He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862. Back then, there weren't many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times."
  • On Halloween 2014, after the events of the episode that shares a title with the blog, Ronaldo opened up his ask box and answered some questions. Questions relating to polymorphic sentient rocks, the benefits of subs and dubs, and furries. These got so popular that Crewniverse (technically, the mod blog of Keep Beach City Weird) had to shut down the ask box after a day from a sheer amount of content. A single day.
  • Ronaldo reviews Soul Blaster, a Show Within a Show mentioned in one of the comments of "Keep Beach City Weird". It turns out to be about a teen who fights with a cannon powered by the ghost of his dead little brother. He recommends selections of the source manga: chapters 1-26, 237-349, and 1245-3762note .
    It’s really only 7 months out of your life, but a 7 months well spent.
  • Ronaldo's failed attempt to broadcast his watermelon autopsy from "Watermelon Steven":
    NOOOOOOO! I FORGOT TO INCLUDE A LINK TO THE LIVESTREAM!!! DID ANYONE SCREEN CAP WHAT HAPPENED?!! THAT WAS SO WEIRD!! AND I MIGHT HAVE A BROKEN RIB!!!