Later, when Steven points out the Red Eye to Greg, Amethyst suddenly appears out of nowhere and apparently has been chucked into the Red Eye again. Once again, it fails.
Amethyst: RAAAAGH! (BONG......)
"That thing about pork rinds?" "Hot dogs."
The ending where Greg's van gets washed away by the tides:
Greg: My van! Steven: Don't worry, Dad. If every pork chop were perfect— Greg: I LIVE IN THERE!
The girls are back... with a giant egg.
Garnet:(feathers in hair) Hello, Steven. Pearl: Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge! Amethyst: What? I got this! (slowly pulls fridge shelf out... then just drops it; shoves the egg in) Look, it fits! (slams refrigerator door; audible cracking noises)
Pearl suggests an intricate plan to get past an entire room of creepy-crawlies... but Steven just throws some bagel sandwiches to lure them away. And it works.
Pearl: ...How did you know that would work....? Steven: If I were a shrimp, that's what I'd do! Amethyst: You are a shrimp.
As they moved on, Pearl added:
Pearl: I just want everyone to know—My plan would have also worked.
When the gang encounters a current of gushing water they have to cross, they turn to Steven for suggestions. They chant "Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!" until Steven pulls a raft from the pack. "Steven, that's so sensible!" ...He throws the raft in the water, and it gets carried away.
Garnet:(breaks column and creates a bridge to get across) Great idea anyway, Steven.
When they reach the pedestal where the statue should be placed, Steven realizes he left the statue at home. He doesn't give up, however, and suggests they place his doll on the pedestal instead.
Amethyst:Could that work? Garnet: Mm-mm ("I don't know" noise).
Even though Steven messed up, the Sea Spire is destroyed, and they're floating in the middle of an ocean, his sisters try to cheer him up, saying at least 50% of his plans worked. Then the raftcomes back, making it 75%.
Mr. Queasy: Oh, kid, don't shake me! I got a medical condition!
Steven trying to tell a joke...to Garnet.
Steven: It's not exactly healthy, but it's in a stack, so I guess you could call it a... balanced breakfast? Garnet: … * cut to Steven making an extremely goofy face*
Garnet's business in the Temple is to burn a scroll (that apparently contains a trapped Eldritch Abomination), of which Steven snaps a pic with his smart phone. Garnet takes his phone, declaring she now needs to burn that, too.
Steven: MY APPS!
Even funnier, before she burns the phone she breaks it in half.
STEVEN! YOU'RE BANNED FROM ALL THE RIDES! FOREVER!
While Pearl puzzles over the structure of the pyramid to Garnet, Amethyst can be seen running into doorways one after the other in the background, only to emerge from a completely different one seconds later with some evidence of a previous mishap on her. The last one has her pop out in a cube of ice, prompting Pearl to run over and start breaking her out of it with her spear.
After falling, the Gems are seen landing one by one on their feet in a rather Badass crouch... then Steven plummets down and slams into the ground stomach-first.
After landing in a patch of strawberries, which gets strawberry juice all over him, Steven is swarmed by a bunch of butterflies. The way Steven starts screaming about this is so reminiscent of a certainmeme, one can't help but be amused by the hilarious parallels.
The titular wrestling alter-ego of Steven, which is basically a parody of "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase; especially his creative back story.
And his biggest fans? Lars.
Steven imitates Pearl and Garnet. It's as hilarious as you'd expect. Their leitmotivs can even be heard as he does this.
Steven: *imitating Garnet* I'm not going to say anything, but I expect you to understand that was wrong.
Ronaldo's reaction when Steven mentions he's getting a pizza for two.
Ronaldo: Steven's pregnant!?
And Steven's response to that is, "I don't think so", like he was genuinely unsure about it.
This episode is a goldmine when it comes to one-liners.
After Pearl tells him it would be safer to stand as opposed to crawling...
Steven(apparently exhausted and dehydrated):You don't understand... This is how you're are supposed to act when they're in the desert.
When Steven comes into the Pizzeria to brag about his Lion...
The Meat Beat Mania game is constantly spewing out meat-related puns. The one it chooses for the moment Steven knocks off Garnet's glasses, revealing her third eye? "That's rare!"
When Pearl and Amethyst first attempt a Fusion Dance, Pearl does an elegant ballet, but Amethyst instead does some club dancing which includes shaking her butt at Pearl. Pearl's face after seeing this just screams "how lewd!"
The montage during Steven singing "Giant Woman" features scenes of Pearl and Amethyst messing with one another in some silly ways, one of which includes Amethyst turning into a shark and scaring Pearl as she tries to cross a shallow river.
The gang comes across a mountain goat which Steven decides to "adopt" and names it "Steven Jr." Most any scene involving Steven Jr. is bound to get some chuckles out of viewers.
Then, after it gets eaten by the bird:
Steven: My son!
The opening scene with Pearl and Amethyst playing "high stakes checkers." The stakes being that whoever loses gets pelted with water balloons.
Amethyst describes Opal as herself and Pearl "mashed together", which leads to:
Pearl: Is water just hydrogen and oxygen "mashed together"? Amethyst and Steven: Uhh... Pearl:Analogy wasted.
When Garnet returns from a mission:
Steven: [excited] Garnet! What did ya bring me? [Garnet holds out his gift.] Whoa—a rock! Thanks, Garnet!
"So Many Birthdays"
Amethyst eating a moldy 5 year old tuna burrito like it was nothing, and then a few moments later clenching her stomach and doubling over.
"A boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend his whole day wackering."
Steven, realizing he's aged himself up significantly by accident, devises a plan to turn himself back and quickly asks a very confused Lars and Sadie who do not recognize him to "help him into his birthday suit". This leads to Sadie angrily chasing him out of the Donut Shop. With a stool.
A middle-age Steven's woefully venting the possibility of eating sugar-free oatmeal when he's old.
A young-adult Steven deciding to get his life together and get a job. He walks into a T-shirt store with a Help Wanted sign... and he looks around the T-Shirt selections for a "job" and decides on the "Professional Beach Hunk" shirt.
Steven's futile attempts to introduce the Gems to how fun birthdays can be, special mention has to be given to the entirety Pearl's mock birthday, as well as the scene in Amethyst's where she repeatedly beats Garnet with a bat while attempting to hit a pinata.
Steven:(telling a joke) Why did Pearl throw butter out the window? Amethyst:(to Pearl)You didwhat? Steven: To see a "butterfly"! Pearl:(genuinely hurt) I never did that! Steven...! Are you telling lies?!
At Garnet's birthday party, Steven introduces the Gems to the concept of "Kazoo Racing".
Pearl: I think this is why aging makes humans die.
Amethyst "booping" Pearl's nose with a party hat on her nose.
also the, booping and following petty fighting happens directly after Pearl asks if they are too "mature" for birthday parties.
Amethyst joyfully accepting the bat Steven's hands for pinata as a gift saying she'll use it all the time... before preparing to use it on Pearl with a giant grin on her face.
The old painting of the Gems:
Garnet: The hard part was getting the shark to pose.
Steven sees Onion at the arcade and is reminded of the innocence of youth. As soon as he walks away, Onion pulls out a screwdriver and pops the ticket roll out of the skeeball machine.
Amethyst: So everything that was duplicated by the wand got turned into nothing? Pearl: That's right. Amethyst:Rats.
"Steven the Sword Fighter"
The Gems are all watching a movie together and the Big Bad turns out to be the janitor. Steven is shocked by this. Pearl points out that he was in the background of every fight scene and is even on the box cover with an Obviously Evil expression.
Pearl then starts griping about the inaccuracies in the sword fight, prompting Garnet and Amethyst to shush her.
What we see of the Lonely Blade movies points to them being almost pitch-perfect parodies of overwrought Jidai Geki or Kung Fu movies, right down to some atrocious dubbing. Every time a character opens their mouth, Ham and Cheese is served.
Amethyst eating a cloud. Which renders her floating and puffy for the rest of the episode.
The fact that Garnet is totally okay with it.
Amethyst: I'm gonna do it! Garnet: Go on then.
When Garnet accidentally lets go of Amethyst, leaving her floating in the air (and she didn't let go for an important reason either, just because she wanted to cross her arms), her only reaction is a "hm".
Special mention goes to her eyes following a burning tire that rolls behind them.
At the beginning of the episode, the Gems warp in while Connie and Steven are in the room, with some... interesting poses. According to Word of God, they knew Connie was there and were trying to make a cool entrance. Except Pearl looks like she's trying too hard, Garnet looks fairly uncomfortable, and Amethyst does a goofy pose instead.
After seeing the Dogcopter trailer, Amethyst morphs into the title character and shortly transforms her head into a stereo. Garnet casually starts nodding to the beat, while Pearl grumbles and makes a face.
When Steven's hand gets stuck to the controls of the cave they're in, Connie casually states they might have to cut it off. Cue an enormous collection of swords appearing and Steven's ensuing Oh Crap expression followed by a Big "NO!".
This is followed by Steven and Connie trying to see what they can do by poking Steven in various ways.
Dogcopter, period. The concept is so profoundly ridiculous that it becomes awesome. THEN we found out that this is the third in a series. THEN Steven tells us it's Connie's favorite film franchise, probably surprising many. THEN she says she hopes it's faithful to the book. Then the viewer doubles over laughing.
The Gems over-the-top introduction/outfit change sequence when Steven introduces them to the Pizzas.
The fact the Gems absolutely don't give a damn about being banned from Fish Stew Pizza.
When Steven first informs them of the news:
Pearl: Oh uh... that's okay. Amethyst: That pizza wasn't even good. Steven: Aren't you guys upset about this? Garnet: *nonchalant* Not at all.
After the Gems get un-banned from the store.
Steven: We really appreciate it. Right, guys? Garnet:(indifferently) Yeah, thanks. Pearl: What were we banned from again?
At the beginning of the episode, Garnet comes rocketing down from the sky to attack the giant pufferfish, only to get sent flying into the distance.
As a part of defeating the pufferfish, Nana asks Pearl to hit Amethyst (who's turned into a volleyball) into the air as hard as she can. Cue her cracking her knuckles and smiling deviously.
Pearl: With pleasure.
Kofi is yelling at Steven, but it has its problems.
Jenny Daaaaaad, pipe down! Kofi:Oh, did I interrupt your beauty sleep? Jenny: (yawns) I don't need to sleep to look pretty. Kofi: Now you listen here young woman! Nanafua: Kofi, you're going to wake the fish from the dead with all of the noise you're keeping. (shakes fish) Uup, too late. (speaking as fish) Kofi, you so loud. Ahhhhhhhh! (stick tongue out)
Kofi: (serves ball) KOFI TIME! Jenny: Jenny Time! Kofi: YOU CAN'T USE THE CAR FOR A MONTH! Jenny: (misses) Daddy!
Which devolves into a shouting match
Kofi: EVERYONE IS GROUNDED HERE!
Early on, when Steven is trying to get the Gems to join him for Minigolf, he pulls out a pair of his dad's old, and quite frankly enormous-assed golf pants. Steven mentions they're too big for him, but Garnet can wear them just fine. Even Pearl thinks this is funny, as she is quickly seen snickering about it.
Even more hilariously, Garnet IS wearing them at the end.
Garnet is right up against the door when Steven falls out of it, causing him to slam into her butt-first and send them both flying backward.
To make sure he's back in the real world, Steven bites Garnet's arm to see if she's real.
Garnet: *in complete monotone* Ouch.
Then Amethyst bites Pearl just because. In contrast to Garnet, Pearl responds with a sound that could best be put phonetically as "AYEUUUGH!!"
Pearl is then seen rubbing her arm with a disgruntled expression. But about a few seconds later, upon learning that Steven caused Rose's room to stimulate an entire town, she elbows Amethyst in the face out of shock. One has to wonder if it was completely an accident or partly getting payback for being bitten.
Greg's advice while in Rose's room is half creepy and half hilarious as he starts saying things that don't remotely respond to what Steven is telling him.
Steven: Uh, Dad? Your advice is making less sense than usual. Greg: Well, the important thing is family and friendship honesty values and no one got arrested. *Air Guitar*
Sugilite being defeated by her own wrecking ball. Complete with comical "Thud!" sound.
When Pearl points out to Amethyst that trying to destroy all the pillars in the gem communication hub would take all day:
Amethyst: *groans* I hate it when you're right, you get this look on your face. *looks over to see Pearl's dorky smug grin* Yeah that's the one.
Amethyst's insanely happy spazzing when Garnet tells her they're going to fuse.
After returning from the mission, Steven, with half his head wrapped in cloth, goes to Big Donut to show off his "battle damage" from earlier to Sadie and Lars. Steven dramatically pulls away the wrapping to reveal... a small scratch on his forehead suitable for a tiny Bandaid. Lars and Sadie, who before were curious/worried, immediately break down laughing.
When Greg starts working out, he asks Pearl if she was here to "check out some buff studs". She glances him over and gives the flattest "no" you will ever hear.
Pearl hugs Amethyst and Garnet after Sugilite finally comes apart, forgetting that they're in tons of pain from all the energy they used up.
Pearl gets so riled up at the end from defeating Sugilite she starts clamoring to go on another mission.
Amethyst: *pained voice* How long is she going to keep this up? Garnet: We deserve it. Take it like a Gem.
Steven's reasons Lars and Sadie need to workout
Steven:: WE all need a workout! (points to Sadie) You can beat up Lars. (Points to Lars) And you don't have to starve if Sadie divorces you!
Amethyst spending the episode doing absolutely nothing, and trying to get credit for it.
Amethyst: We make a pretty good team. Steven: You were absolutely no help whatsoever. (Begin Iris Out on Amethyst) Amethyst:(shrugging) Eh.
Mayor Dewey unveling the largest bowl of ice cream in Beach County.. which Lars ends up melting with his flame breath.
Mayor Dewey: (Makes a call on his cellphone) Yeah, it melted Gary. Well, you should've said that at the meeting!
The incredibly cheesy 80's video about how to run the donut store. It's made even funnier by Sadie's reactions to the video, implying that the video's length is way too long and detailed.
Sadie and Steven discussing the VHS tape:
Steven: What is it? Sadie: It's like a DVD shaped like a box.
"Steven and the Stevens"
When Steven's about to be hit by an enormous wave of water in the flooding temple, Pearl breaks into hysterical panicked nervous laughter.
Amethyst counting the number of Stevens during the climax.
Her nonchalant counting is made better by Garnet and Pearl standing next to her, staring with their mouths hanging open in complete shock.
Pearl's face when Steven sings "I accidently created an alternate timeline!" in the closing song
"I learned to stay true to myself by watching myself die!"
The Epic Fail that results when Steven tries to stop the boat from getting stuck in the carwash. The Boat ends up hitting a powerline when it backs up, setting the carwash on fire. Steven decides that it being stuck was better.
Who do the Stevens get to replace Steven as their drummer after they rebel against him? Amethyst
Steven's banter with himself:
Steven 4:Okey-dokey, artichokey! Steven 1: Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is! Steven 3: Well, we're all the same person, so we're all equally prone to being hilarious. Steven 1:No, no, that's too smart an observation for you, Three! You're the funny one! Steven 2: Wait, which one am I again? Steven 1:(irritated) DANG IT, Number Two, you're the smart one!! Steven 4: Hey... If Steven 1 is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good-looking? Steven 3: No way! We're all extremely attractive! Steven 2: Let's go get jobs as models! Steven 1: Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one! (Stevens 2 through 4 look sad) Ah, no... I didn't mean... We decided... Ugh... Let's take five. Stevens 2 through 4: THERE'S A FIFTH STEVEN!? Steven 1:(irritated) NO, I MEAN A FIVE MINUTE BREAK!! Stevens 2 through 4:Haha, we know!
Which results in:
Steven 1: I can't believe it. I'm so... annoying!
During the penultimate scene, hoodie Steven not knowing what the hell is going on and generally freaking out.
In a bit of Black Comedy, they find a skeletal spelunker deep in the cave... and the centipeedle just charges right through it.
When Steven shows off the centipeedle's "spit-acid-on-command" trick. One of them hits and melts a picture of Pearl, changing the picture's expression from happy to furious. The next one hit's Amethyst's sandwich
Why did the blog stop during long the period between episodes?
"I’ve been off the grid for the summer. Not because government was on my tail, but because I… dropped my phone in the toilet. And then I was googling “how to remove a phone from a toilet in a way that isn’t gross” and I… dropped my laptop in the toilet."
The tale of William Buford Buchanan, Beach City's most infamous arsonist:
"He set a record 335 fires in the summer of 1862. Back then, there weren’t many buildings in Beach City, so he had to burn his own house down 68 times."