Ash's random yelling of "Give him a taste of your BOOMSTICK!" and "Siphon some gas for your chainsaw!"
GLaDOS' entrance when you first start the game:
Winslow: Gentlemen, I leave you to the tender mercies of GLaDOS. GLaDOS descends between Sam and Ash. GLaDOS: Good evening. Sam: Great fountains of Wayne! Ash: What the Hell?! Brock: What in the- Ash & Sam jump back in their seats, while Brock and Claptrap are merely surprised. Claptrap: Hubba hubba! GLaDOS: This completes the first test of the contestants poker faces. The bad news is you all failed miserably. The good news is you all seem evenly matched.
Claptrap denies he can ever be affected by a Logic Bomb - then promptly falls into one and shuts down.
That's another Mythology Gag, this time, to Portal 2: knowing robots have a weakness to these was how GLaDOS and Chell attempted to take down Wheatley after he took over the facility— his stupidity made him immune to it.
It also means that when GLaDOS suggested using paradoxes to attack Wheatley, she was employing what she considered to be an incredibly simple trap because she considered him too stupid to reason his way out of it, only to have overestimated his intelligence anyway.
Ash's right hand starts tapping on the table. Brock and GLaDOS then realize that he's tapping a message in Morse Code. What does it spell?
GLaDOS: Your hand has aparently been possessed by a marketing department.
Ash and Sam talk about exorcisms.
Ash: So Sam, is that your tricked-out 1960's DeSoto Adventurer in the parking lot? Sam: It better be. I'd hate to believe we'd been driving in someone else's car for the last twenty-five years. Why do you ask? Ash: I think it growled at me. Sam: Yeah, it's done that ever since that adventure we had in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. Ash: Maybe you should see an exorcist. Sam: That's what I keep telling Max, but then he just spins his head at me and vomits. (the scene changes to Max levitating over the table and while his head is on fire and spinning simultaneously) Max: Anil Nathrak! (flies offscreen and a Vomit Discretion Shot ensues) Winslow:(offscreen) I just had that cleaned!
When you win with a particularly strong hand (like a Flush or a Full House), the next exchange may happen...
Claptrap: "Well, of course you won with those cards! Even Steve could've won with them and all he can say is 'Heyoo!'" Steve: "Hey-!" Claptrap: "SHUT THE #&$% UP, STEVE! And people say I'm annoying!"
Ash asks Claptrap about life on Pandora, which led to Ash and Brock discussing a different Pandora after hearing Claptrap's description.
Claptrap:Ha. Ha. Very funny. Look, MY Pandora was first, got it? Ash: Alright, alright, jeez! Just one question. Claptrap: What? Ash: What's James Cameron really like? Beat Claptrap: $&@% you!
Claptrap has a fold which involves Steve shooting the hole cards.
Claptrap: There's only one way to respond to hole cards like these. (holds up his cards) Steve? Steve: (shoots the cards out of Claptrap's hand) Heyoooooo! Claptrap: ...so yeah, that's a fold.
As for Sam and Max:
Sam: (glances back and holds up his cards) Max: BANZAI!!!(empties his Luger shooting the cards)
Brock going on a cold streak:
Brock: (as he folds) Thanks for another crappy hand, lady. GLaDOS: You're welcome. It's nice to be appreciated.
Brock hates runs of bad cards...
Brock: I haven't seen a run this ugly since Dean tried out for the track team.
Claptrap is rather intrigued by Sam being an anthropomorphic dog.
Claptrap: Sam! Sam: You got another dog question, don't you? Claptrap: Seriously, can you blame me? How often does a guy get a chance to chat up a talking dog? It's like interviewing a unicorn! Sam: Fine, but nothing about my privates or floor-scooting. Claptrap: Okay, okay. One, can you eat chocolate!? Two, do you date human women or talking dogs like yourself!? And three, can you sense earthquakes before they happen!? Sam: One, yes, but I really shouldn't, because it goes straight to my hips. Two, don't tell anyone, but I'm kind of off the market right now. And three, we can't sense earthquakes, but sometimes we cause them. (Room begins shaking)
Claptrap: So, what's it like living in black and white? Sam: Oh, we don't see in black and white, that's just an old wives' tale, like the one about representative democracy. We can see in color, it just looks like this. (Snaps his fingers, and the players vision becomes clouded with hazes of red and green) Claptrap: Woah, dude, I am totally tripping balls right now! Sam:(Snaps everything back to normal) We can also "see" fear and "smell" sarcasm. Claptrap:Oooooh, impressive! Sam:(Sneezes) Claptrap: Hey, it worked!
Claptrap begins glitching out in the middle of the game.
Sam: What would Max do in a situation like this? (Max is on the table, spinning in place) Max: Aaah! Blackhawk Down! Blackhawk Down! Sam: ...okay, time for Plan B.
Sam and GLaDOS explain why Max isn't playing this time around.
Sam: Max used to be a tournament regular, but he has what the psychologists call "crippling impulse control issues."
Brock: So he couldn't keep a lid on his gambling?
Sam: Not in the slightest. But that didn't matter since he kept winning.
Brock: Well then what's the problem?
Sam: The Inventory banned him from playing because... well...
GLaDOS: Max kept eating the poker chips.
Camera shifts to Max choking for a few seconds before coughing up a dented poker chip.'
Max:THERE you are!
The three sentient beings discuss barbers.
Sam: Any of you guys got advice for looking for a new barber? Ash: What happened to your old one? Sam: He's getting too old and shaky to navigate around my neck folds. Max: And his barbershop smells like cabbage! GLaDOS: You could try looking at barbershop reviews on the internet. Those are always accurate and trustworthy. Ash: I get mine cut by the students at the barber college across from the S-Mart. Sure, I sometimes get an accidental Shemp-style, but it's totally worth the extra ten bucks in my pocket. Brock: The only person allowed to come near my head with a pair of scissors is Miss Lily over at Happy Pretty Lady Hair & Nails. But she's kind of on an exclusive contract. Sam: I guess I'll have to let Max cut it for a while... (Max slowly turns his head towards Sam, and then cuts to a truly terrifying Slasher Smile.)
Sometimes, Sam and Brock go into a conversation about their fingers and toes. That's pretty amusing in itself, but the kicker is at the end.
Sam: I guess you could say for us... the computer age has been a regular [camera zooms in for a close up]digital revolution.
Brock: Congratulations; you didn't screw the pooch. Sam: ...should I be offended by that?
During Ash's discussion about the significance of flying dreams, Brock mentions that he has dreams about kicking the sun in the crotch. The mental image crosses this with Crazy Awesome.
"Is it [insane]? Or is it the sanest thing you've ever heard?"
When Sam asks Claptrap if he likes working at Gearbox, Claptrap prepares to deliver some powerful Biting-the-Hand Humor only for a code in his programming to force him to praise the company in a Creepy Monotone.
Claptrap: Let me tell you something. Gearbox-(sparks are briefly heard as his eye turns bright green and he starts speaking in a monotone)is the best video game company in the world. They treat their employees with respect, dignity, and yes, love. Also, I am a total tool.(sparks again as he returns to normal) -WITH A RUSTY SALAD FORK! Know what I mean?
Brock: Wow, I, uh, really didn't see that coming. GLaDOS: I did, but I didn't want to ruin the surprise. (A small handful of confetti drops on Brock.) GLaDOS: Surprise. (a cheap noisemaker sounds off) Brock: (Gives an unamused face before walking off.)
Some more elimination moments from Brock—
Brock: This is a joke, right? GLaDOS: I'm not very good at jokes, but here's one— what's yellow and black and red all over? Brock: What? GLaDOS: Brock Samson if he doesn't leave this table. Brock: ...ah, good one. *leaves table*
Brock: *has a really enraged look on his face* GLaDOS: Brock? Brock, do you require assistance? Brock: *in a barely restrained voice* I'm... fine. *walks away*
Claptrap's elimination moments can be amusing as well.
Claptrap: Darn it, I forgot to turn on my poker subroutine! Can I get a do-over? GLaDOS: Your question is activating my rarely-used giggle center. Tee. Hee.
Claptrap: Okay, guess that's it! I'm dead! *looks up* Hey, where's the regeneration tunnel? GLaDOS: We don't do that here, but I can make a whooshing noise for you if that would make you feel better.
Claptrap: I might as well say it now- I've always loved you, baby. GLaDOS: Were I outfitted with a dry-heave subroutine, I'd activate it now. Claptrap: Those are butterflies in your stomach. It must be love!
Claptrap: What's this emotion I'm feeling? It's like, I wish I had those cards, but I also hate you for having them! GLaDOS: That's "envy", you emotionally stunted rhomboid. Claptrap:(Beat) And now I'm learning arousal!
Claptrap: What the— Max? Max: Yes? Claptrap: Just shoot me, okay? Just take your gun and shoot me in the friggin' head. [Max pulls out his Luger and cocks it] GLaDOS: Please don't shoot him. I find his pain somewhat comforting.
When Ash inquires Sam's use of a suit and Max's lack of clothing:
Ash: I'm just trying to figure out why you wear pants and your buddy over there doesn't. Sam: Max says he likes the feel of the wind against his unspeakable nether regions. Claptrap: Him and me both, brother. Woooo! Max:[Jumping up from behind the table] Wheee!!! Brock: Well, there goes my libido for a week. Ash: But why do YOU wear pants, Sam? Sam:Because they match my jacket. Ash:Uh, never mind.
Brock's comments on previous poker games he's been in:
Brock: Y' know, most of the poker games I'm invited to turn out to be elaborate death traps. Sam: You worry too much, Brock. Max and I have been coming here for years, without even a hint of a death trap. Max: Unless you count the killer mini-tacos. Steve: Heyoo! Brock: I don't know...this whole place just feels..weird. GLaDOS: "Weird" is in the eye of the beholder. Would you like me to reprogram your optic nerves to be less paranoid? Beat Brock: See what I'm talking about? That there's grade-A weird! That's... just weird.
During a Bounty Tournament for the Personality Core, it will say some hilarious things while waiting on the table:
Core: At any given point in time 17 people are keeping reality together. They are all named Steve. [Steve pokes his head out from behind the stage] Steve: Heyoo?
Sam asking about "words to live by" from the others:
Sam: Is it true Doc Venture was in a video game back in the '70s? Brock: Yeah, uh... back in the cartoon days, somebody thought it would be a bright idea to turn Rusty's adventures into a video game. Made that E.T. game look like Halo. Claptrap: What about you, big guy? You ever star in a video game? Brock: Not, uh... intentionally. Sam: A comment that cryptic usually comes with a story. Brock: A few years back, some punks snuck my image into a Mortal Kombat knockoff as one of those unlockable easter egg deals. Claptrap: Mortal Kombat knock-off? Hmm... Immortal Bomcat! That was you! What did they call you? Brock: ... Tutu Blondie... Claptrap: Tutu Blondie! With the Death Smooch fatality move! Oh yeah, I think I even have a sound file... Recording of "Brock"'s voice:Ya missed me! Missed me! Now you have to kiss me! Sam: Sounds like you had a promising side career there, Brock. What happened? Brock: The company went bankrupt... with extreme prejudice.
If the player waits too long making a decision on a hand:
Claptrap: Can we move it along? My butt's starting to get sore. Sam: You have one of those? Claptrap: Well, not yet, but I'm saving up for one.
Some of the lines the characters make when they go all in:
Ash: Time to separate the men from the boys, ladies. GlaDOS: Mr. Williams has placed the remainder of his chips in the pot. And apparently part of his brain. Ash: HEY!
Sam: All in. Max: Sam, no! Think of the children! Sam: What children? Max: Uh...
Claptrap: Do I have an off-by-one error, or am I hosed?
Ash: ...I'm toast, aren't I?
Showdowns with Brock are fun:
Brock: Enough of these weak-ass bets! (bets heavily) GLaDOS: Your words are those of a poet laureate...being clubbed to death with a tire iron.
When Sam takes the pot after the other players have folded:
Sam: Don't be discouraged, running in fear is a pretty natural response for a six-foot tall dog with a gun.
You can't pick up on Ash's tells...
Ash: Trying to read my face for tells, huh? Well good luck with that. I've taken so many blows to the head that the muscles in my face twitch for no damn reason. See? (eyes, nose and mouth all twitch randomly and independently of one another)
Steve: "HEYOOOO!" (shoots rocket at Brock) Brock: (blocks it with his hands) Excuse me. (flips his chair over and goes over to Steve to deliver an asswhooping) Steve: Heyo?(both of them exit the screen to the top right section of the screen, an offscreen beatdown commences as the game goes on)
If Claptrap is the first character to bust out in the Borderlands 2 Inventory, the resulting cutscene is hilarious in how over the top it is.
If Sam is the first to bust out, Steve merely taps his shoulder and gestures for him to leave, which prompts Sam to utter his Catch Phrase which is usually directed towards Max.
Sam: You crack me up, little buddy.
Full Sam and Max 25th Anniversary Set
When eliminated in the Sam and Max 25th Anniversary room, the eliminated player has a special interaction with Max attacking them.
If Sam is eliminated first they go on a time traveling adventure similar to the "Adventure" ending to the Devil's Playhouse to hunt down literal cradle robbers.
If Ash gets eliminated first, Max steals his chainsaw and chases him with it.
Max: (holding up the chainsaw) Look at me! I'm a tree surgeon!
Sam: (to Ash) He's not really a tree surgeon.
If Claptrap is eliminated first, Max attempts to give the robot a wet willy. As Claptrap tries to warn Max that that he doesn't have ears, Max sticks his finger in a random hole in the robot's side and ends up electrocuting the both of them.
If Brock is eliminated first, Max dives at him out of nowhere and starts biting at his head. Brock completely ignores him and walks to the bar after Max gets off.
Max: Geromimo! (lands on Brocks head) Die! Die! Die!
Brock: (gets up) I'll be at the bar. (walks off)
One of the conversations has the other characters asking Sam if he and Max have planned for retirement. The duo initially interprets it as getting new wheels for the car, which leads the others to explain that retirement is not working anymore while still getting some money. Sam is enthralled at the idea of getting paid while not working, and tells Max to look into it.
Full Venture Bros. Set
The first to lose in the Venture Brothers themed inventory is subjected to Dr. Venture's failed teleporter.
When Ash is eliminated:
[Ash's top half ends up at the bar, while his lower half ends up on the stage]
Ash: Hey, where's the rest of me?!
Max: Hey, Sam, free shoes!
[Ash kicks him]
When Brock is eliminated:
Brock: I sure hope Rusty worked out the kinks in this thing.
[Brock's head ends up above the bar, while his body ends up sitting next to it]
Brock: Guess not.
For extra funny, his head remains there the rest of the tourney.
When Sam is eliminated:
GLaDOS: Sam has been eliminated and will now be sent to a better place.
Sam: I hope it's Tahiti.
[Both of Sam's halves end up in the left corner wall, giving him a clear view of his behind.]
In a conversation exclusive to the Army of Darkness Inventory, GLaDOS explains what happened to Sheila, one of Ash's former girlfriends, which leads to the revelation that, thanks to time-travel, Ash is actually Brock's ancestor! Their reactions are priceless. Explanation Sheila, very pregnant with Ash's child, married another man, gave birth, one child survived, eight grandkids, Sheila died of the Black Plague, family traveled to Poland, escaped the Nazis and headed to a Swedish community in Nebraska, where Brock Fitzgerald Samson and his brother were born.
Brock: Aw, son of a bitch.
Ash: Welcome to the family!
Winning the tournament in the Evil Dead set is absolutely hilarious. For winning the tournament, Winslow rewards the player with a potion that puts the user to sleep until the next tournament if he takes three sips from it. As you gulp down the third sip, he starts to wonder if it was actually actually supposed to be two sips, and then you fall asleep. You then wake up to see all the players around the table, but with beards (yes, even GLaDOS and Claptrap, as well as Mad Moxxi at the bar), and with the sound of lasers flying in the air, and the others discussing that there happens to be an alien invasion going on in the future. The Player apparently faints upon hearing this info. And then Ash reveals that the beards are just fakes and that you really didn't sleep that long.
Full Portal Set
The first one to lose in the Portal themed Inventory gets forcibly transported away from the table via portal. Sam is the only one who seems to enjoy it, with Max having a grin that just screams "Me next! Me next!"
Claptrap has it the worst, and he slides all the way down the floor when he's portaled.
Though not an example from the game itself, there was a contest on the Telltale forums to see if the fans could come up with some funny quotes or dialogue that COULD'VE been used...and boy, did they ever!
On the Telltale forums, a fan asked about Claptrap and Brock's Ambiguously Jewish status in this game, and one of the writers responded:
I also pity the poor Mohel who tries to circumcise Brock.
The conversation then proceeds to go into Claptrap's robotic circumcision, and Claptrap being Tevye.
There is a conversation in the game that is still in the files, back when they considered adding in elements of The Walking Dead. It features a Title Drop, Sam pondering if there's a "message" with the zombies (which, amusingly, the general franchise largely lacks), and Ash asking if the Walkers are just actors (Winslow says they are, but it's clear it was otherwise).