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Funny: NCIS: Los Angeles
  • In "Absolution," Marty tries to score some chicks in a park by getting Kensi to pretend she's breaking up with him. It doesn't work.
    Kensi (to Marty): You cheated on me!
    Kensi: With my brother!
    Deeks: Just uh, don't let Kensi interrogate them.
    Callen: Why's that?
    Deeks: Cause the guy on the right, she kicked him right in the nom de plumes.
    Sam: No.
    Deeks: Guy didn't even have his weapon out.
    Callen: Really?
    Kensi: I...
    Deeks: Right in the cul de sac. Kicked him so hard it gave me a stomach ache.
    Kensi: So what? It would have been better if I'd pistol whipped him across his face?
    Deeks, Callen, Sam: YES!
    • This dialogue:
    Deeks: L.A.P.D.
    Agent Hyams: N.S.A.
    Kensi: N.C.I.S.
    Deeks: M-O-U-S-E.
    • Deeks repeatedly saying "Gesundheit!" every time someone says something in German. He even invokes the Rule of Three, promising that the third one will be the best...and Callen ends up agreeing with him.
  • In one of their first undercover assignments together, Deeks preps what he's going to say to Kensi.
    Deeks: I'm gonna call you Fern, okay?
    Kensi: Don't you dare call me Fern.
    Deeks: (in the most obnoxious way possible) Fern, baby girl! Whew, it's been a loooong time. (fake fight ensues)
    • Becomes a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming, as Deeks uses it as one of his many nicknames for her. Become a Crowning Momentof Heartwarming / Tear Jerker, in "The Frozen Lake" after Deeks and Kensi get together, they have trouble adjusting at work and Kensi wants to end it. Just before Deeks goes into a situation where is cover might already be blown, Deeks asks Kensi if they can pretend for just a moment they were just a boy and girl, no NCIS, no danger in their lives, and they had endless possiblities. Kensi holds her hand out and introduces herself as Fern and shocks the hell out of Deeks, making him laugh in disbelief.
  • In Personal, Deeks has been shot, Kensi's just found out he was targeted and is waiting for him to come out of the anesthesia. He finally does.
    Deeks: Am I dead? Cause I feel like I should be dead.
    Kensi: Hey there. You're not getting rid of me that easily.
    Deeks: Do I know you?
    Kensi: Deeks?
    Deeks: You're not my nurse?
    Kensi: I'm serious, Deeks.
    Deeks: My name is Deeks? Really? (Kensi starts to look around for help) I'm just kidding, I remember you, Fern.
  • Following up the idea that Deeks needed to improve his personal security from "Personal" Sam stakes out Deeks the first day he's supposed to come back. Deeks never showed and Sam's late to work. Since Deeks is missing, Kensi decides to call him. And his phone rings...in Sam's bag. Deeks walks in, picks up his phone our of Sam's hand and...
    Deeks: That'd be for me. Marty Deeks.
    Kensi: Hey, it's Kensi!
    Deeks: Hey!
    Kensi: How did your phone get in Sam's bag?
    Deeks: I must have slipped it in there while he was waiting for in line for coffee. Medium triple, low fat, hold the phone.
    • Later...
    Callen: Who did you pay and how much?
    Deeks: School kid, twenty bucks. (Callen fives him behind his back.)
  • The car ride with Deeks, Kensi and Javier. Especially after they piss her off...
    Deeks: Put your hands on the wheel!
    Javier: That lady's crazy.
    • Deeks' quiet "Dude." in reply smacked of "If she's crazy how do you think pointing it out will help you in this moment?!?!"
  • Discussing personally important items, Hetty brings up a Noodle Incident.
    Hetty: Ah, memories. I still mourn the loss of my most prized possession. Traces of it are still embedded in the asphalt along a quarter mile stretch of the Circuit De Monaco in Monte Carlo. I don't even think it was the most expensive thing I ever owned, but it certainly was the fastest.
  • In "Familia" Hettie walks into a bar somewhere in Prague and kills two men.
    Hetty: Oh, Bugger.
  • Near the end of "Honor".
  • G and Sam's interaction with a surviving drug cartel gangster, who was pretty nice to them in "Greed".
  • In "The Debt," Deeks is in Lieutenant Bates' office, copying files off his laptop, when Bates approaches and he's forced to escape out the window. Then Bates calls him from inside the office.
    Bates: You're in trouble.
    Deeks: (on the window ledge, about eight stories up) I gotta be honest, given the circumstances, I think you're gonna have to be a little more specific.
  • In "Patriot Acts", Nell and Kensi had a Girl's Night Out, the nature of which is not revealed until the end, when Nell tells Eric that they went to a monster truck rally. Hetty's reaction?
    I'm surprised I didn't run into them.
  • Deeks has been butting heads with Hetty for most of the episode because NCIS is requiring all officers to take a training course of their choice. Deeks picks a target identification coursenote . He shoots two "bad guy" posters and doesn't shoot one "noncombatant" poster. Then a poster of Hetty shows up and Deeks drills it in the forehead.
    Deeks: Um, oops.
    (fade to black)
    Hetty: Cheeky bastard.
  • Hetty suggests that Deeks (with Kensi) were attacked by SVR sleeper agents because of the Fanny pack he wore around his waist. Deeks doesn't take that answer very seriously.
  • "Dead Body Politics" has Kensi ask Hetty if she had ever considered running for office:
    Hetty: I was ruler of Nicaragua for 72 hours once.
    [Kensi stares in shock]
    Hetty: Don't ask.
  • Sam asks the CIA agents under Snyder if they like working under him. G says that Snyder's mom doesn't like him.
  • Deeks uses the Riverdance to search a pro-Soviet agent's house for a nuclear bomb. It did work, even though Kensi found it odd at first. He later uses it in "Paper Soldiers", and finds an external hard drive with it, even citing his previous success as for reason.
  • Kensi's attempt to learn surfing lingo.
  • "War Cries" and Hetty's conversation with Callen regarding what he's going to wear on a blind date (that Sam forced him into)
    Hetty: Shoes and socks are outside your locker, I leave undergarments up to you. Please use them.
  • In "Tuhon," Deeks takes an injured suspect to the boatshed, and is none too gentle with the dude:
    You've heard of Obamacare? This is "We-Don't-Care."
  • Kensi and Talia fight each other in "Deep Trouble Pt.2" before they gang up on Deeks after he asks about the blood marks on their faces, acting like friends.
  • Beale is accused to being a "communist" when he tells Deeks and Kensi that he never watching wrestling.
  • When Deeks and Eric are ordered under a subpoena to tell them "everything" they know, the two proceed to do just that in "Praesidium". When they were done, the interviewers were glad to just leave them be.
  • Faced with having to escape a building under lockdown in "The 3rd Choir", Hetty decides to do the "jump out of a window into a full dumpster" trick.
    (before jumping) Hetty: Of all the mornings to forget to stretch.
    (after landing) Hetty: Maybe I am too old for this.
    Hetty: Touchy trigger.
  • Deeks' interaction with the fake SEAL Hunter in "Seal Hunter".
NCISFunny/Live-Action TVNCIS: New Orleans

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