Funny / James Rolfe


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    Original work 

    Video game reviews (non-AVGN) 
  • In his review of the new Ghostbusters game, the Nerd gets ready to slam it with James, he is put in his place when James says that it is NOT shitty. The look on the Nerd's face is absolutely hilarious.
  • In his SNES VS. Sega Genesis two-part series, hearing "Little Jimmy" (James at age eleven) supporting Nintendo, and seeing and hearing James' reaction to it.
    James: OK... you got that? Reasons why Nintendo is better than Sega: Tiger handheld Simon's Quest, posters, "guide books", characters, controller stickers, "Power Gun", and Power Pad. Boom! In your face, Sega!
    • His homemade commercial for the Genesis is at least as funny (if not funnier) than the official ones were.
    • 1992 Jimmy going on and on about 'resoluation'. 2012 James just scratches his head.
      • "I think my younger self just went over my head."
    • "I'm sure that commercial alone sold many Genesises... Genesi... Mega Drives."
    • Talking about how as a kid, he took the "Genesis Does What Nintendon't" commercials personally. He was such a Nintendo fanboy that he reacted to the commercials as if they were bullying one of his friends.
      James: So there I am, pissed off, making a video about it. (beat) I guess nothing's changed.
  • Pre-James and Mike Mondays, the two looked at the Virtual Reality Stuntmaster (a virtual reality headset that's supposed to hook up to your existing game console) and were baffled by the product's game manual.
    James: It doesn't come with instructions; it says- it has a resume (...) from the Victormaxx. "Objective: To deploy his creative skill and virtual reality know-how. To manufacture a breakthrough headset creating a global virtual reality empire in which he achieves maximum power and total self-appreciation." Who is he?!
    Mike: What does this have to do with hookin' up the fucking thing to the Super Nintendo?
    James: "Birthplace: Question mark."
    Mike: Who's birthplace?!
    James: Victormaxx, whatever.
    Mike: That's like if you open up The Legend of Zelda and inside is, like, Miyamoto's birth certificate or something. It's like, who fucking cares?
    James: "Favorite movie: On hologram, in his private theater: The Godfather. (...) Working on: Commanding, powering the terrified staff of his revolutionary virtual reality headset."
    Mike: So it's a joke?
    James: Yeah, the whole thing is a joke resume.
    Mike: You know what would be better than a joke resume? How about some fucking... like, tell us how to hook it up!
    James: "Nickname: Control Freak. Mr. Control Freak. Favorite childhood memory: He doesn't have one, since he doesn't admit to ever being a child. Prized possession: The blueprints of his virtual reality headset and the ability to have his first and last names connect in his virtual mind. Education: At birth, his brain already contained all the knowledge of twelve years of school, and at age eight, he attended Yale, which he referred to as "jail." But it became clear that my services were no longer required." (...) "Personal heroes: The four horsemen of the apocalypse.
    Mike: WHAT?!
    James: "Philosophy of life: No matter the odds against us, we must pursue our dreams from the womb to the tomb, zoom." This is the most bizarre thing I've ever read in my life.
  • Also pre-James and Mike Mondays, James tries to get three Turtles Commodore games to run, but is only successful with one of them. Mike (who's behind the camera) wonders if one of the games, TMNT World Tour, is a game based on the "Vacation in Europe side-season" from the 1987 TV series. The look James gives him (and the comment: "...Ya think?") when he throws out that guess is priceless.
    • James observes how awkward the controls for the Commodore port of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, saying that jump and attack are both the same button. Then he draws a comparison:
    James: Imagine playing Super C on Commodore 64. (...) Imagine trying to jump and shoot with the same button. In Contra.

    Movie reviews 
  • The fourth Monster Madness has had plenty, thanks in part to most of the movies being terrible.
    • Reenacting James Earl Jones providing voice work for Darth Vader while wearing the witch doctor costume for Exorcist II.
    • The entire Infra-man review. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Wait a minute, dynamite exploded? Don't be silly.
    • MORE FOOOOOG!
    • "YOU PISSIN' IN MAH WOODS, BOY!? GIMME DAT DICK! BIGFOOT RIP DICK OFF!"
      • "Then, she gets pregnant and gives birth to the baby Bigfoot which looks like a glob of shit!"
    • James criticizes the movie The Cyclops for a moment where the monster picks up a woman and the effect is basically a still image of his hand around her being dragged across the screen...including the background. Right after this, James picks up a bottle of beer and the exact same thing happens.
  • From his review of The Shining during his movie segment:
    James: Oh no! Not Tuesday!
  • During his Fifth Monster Madness (Sequel-A-Thon) in the Nightmare on Elm Street review, he notes that Wes Craven seems to have a thing for booby traps. He then muses that Wes Craven should've directed the Home Alone movies. Cut to a clip of Home Alone 2 where a makeshift flamethrower burns the head of a photoshopped Freddy Krueger with high pitched screaming.
  • Him and Mike watching Turkish Star Wars and laughing at how stupid it is.
  • The part in his Godzilla Final Wars review where he shows "what goes on in New York City (according to Toho)", which is a black guy speaking in Jive Turkey threatening a cop. The Nerd's deadpan "Yeah. Guess that's about right." seals it.
  • James's review of Monkey Shines, especially this moment:
    James: As a nice touch, there's a Casablanca poster in the background, just to remind you that we're talkin' classic cinema. Here's lookin' at you, shithead.
  • Bat-a-Thon:
    • When reviewing all the Batman live action movies, he used a different rating criteria for each film. For Batman Returns, he gave it "three Happy Meals wrapped in chains dripping blood with dead cats and penguins impaled on with knives, and a killer bat on top." For Batman Forever, he gave it "two and a half Bat-asses".
    • Also, when reviewing Batman Forever:
    James: One of the biggest complaints that a lot of people had were the nipples on the bat suit. I don't know why it was such a big deal, but now I look at it... yeah I what purpose do they have? If they shot bullets or something, that would at least have some kind of functionality, or maybe the suit fits so tight, his nipples are actually inside that nipple part... whatever, I'm talking about this way too much.
  • We Wish You a Turtle Christmas:
    James: The lip-syncing is out of control. (..) After a Turtle is finished speaking, the mouths keep moving. Those teeth keep chompin' away. It's a free-for-all.
    Leo: You've got the wrong turtle, man. I got presents for the kids. Donny was supposed to get a gift for Splinter. (mouth keeps moving a couple seconds after he speaks; the same footage is repeated twice more for emphasis)
  • During Monster Madness 2014, he looks at Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, showcasing the performances of Academy Award winning Matthew McConaughey (completely hamming it up) and Renee Zellweger (being Too Dumb to Live). Then he shows them winning their awards while playing clips from TCM4.
  • One of the movies James reviewed for "Monster Madness 2015" was The Screaming Skull. He thought the movie should've been called The Screaming Bitch instead, referencing the female lead.

    Top 10s 

    James and Mike Mondays 

    Miscellaneous videos 
  • MUNKY CHEEZ!!!
  • Him and Mike review the menu screen (No, really) of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show: Mario's Greatest Movie Moments DVD just to show how bizarre it is. They poke fun at Inspector Gadget's tour of the menu screen and proceed to mimic him throughout the review.
    • It gets even funnier when they start impersonating Inspector Gadget with an animated Gadget image super-imposed over their faces.
      James: (As Inspector Gadget) You fucked up.
    • You think that's funny? Watch Gadget explain Cinemassacre for us.
    Gadget: A new page will load, so don't be supWISED!
    • Not to mention the ending of that video:
    Dr. Claw: (beating up the Gadget logo) BAAAH!!! I finally got you, Gadget, you motherfucker!!!
  • The entirety of Michelangelo's Pizza Taste Test where James and his friends try out Mikey's various pizza recipes.
    James: That was pretty good actually.
    Female: You want another one?
    James: *quickly* No.
    • When tasting a pizza with sardines, James asks Mike, "All right Motherfucker Mike, you ready for this motherfuckin' pizza?!"
    • Also, one of James's friends raises a pinky finger while eating her share, saying it looks sophisticated. James then points out that there are bones in the sardine, and said friend lets out a rather loud "What the fuck?!".
    • James makes a break for the garbage can when he tastes onion, butterscotch, and anchovies pizza.
    • And there's the ending:
      James: Michelangelo, you're disgusting! You are no longer my favorite turtle. Fuck you for inventing these horrible pizzas.
      Everyone: (While Flipping the Bird, turtle style) FUCK YOU, MICHELANGELO!
  • The Mailbag Episodes, where he reads and responds to some of the emails (and YouTube messages) that he receives from his fans: some of the best and some of the worst. This includes nice emails, funny emails, hatemail and the such. One of the funniest has got to be in Episode 3, where he receives a positive email from a fan whose grasp of the English language is greatly put in question (and likely a joke email), and the further James gets reading it, the less control he has over his laughter. The email ends with a line that sends James into uncontrollable laughter: Live like a windrammer as you fuck.
    • There's one from episode 7 while he was out in Los Angeles that might top the above one. Here it is in all its glory:
      James: "Fuck the Police." OK, that's the name of this e-mail. "Hey Harold..." OK, he's calling me Harold... "This is the last fucking time I buy you peppermint patties. You beg and beg me for them rolling around the floor of the CSV..." ...does he mean CVS? "...like a fucking money with a fork up his ass, and then when I give in and buy them for you, you go home and put 9 rubber dicks in the sink again." Rubber ducks. Rubber, it's rubber ducks. I said dicks, that was me. "I don't think the plumber is going to like this one. I don't even care anymore. This time, you're gonna have to tell them what went wrong! Last time, you made him hit the deck pretty hard. I don't wanna see any more caramel strips in your Thomas the Train VHS tapes either. Enough is enough. Learn to read and stop calling up Taco Bell asking for your wallet back. They don't have it. Devin. P.S. Arnold told me you tried to shove a bottle of drain cleaner up your ass again. For the last time, if you do it on purpose, the company won't pay you compensation."
    • This gem from episode 8
      James: "Just thought you should know that your videos have caused me to lose my penis, stretch out my asshole, and drink my own nut liquids."
    • From episode 9, which James liked because according to him, it sounded a little like a Dr. Seuss rhyme. The title of this e-mail was "I was had your pee-pee."
      "Hello, I needed your pees... like frozen pees... in a bag... you can getting thems at the stores they having lots of many pees so sending them to me... please sir I need the pees. There is being too much hair on jackie chans ass."

  • TMNT Tournament Fighters Challenge. James and Mike play a bit of the game with high stakes. The winner gets to watch the first TMNT movie, the loser has to watch the awful "Turtle Tunes". The ending is what makes it, Mike gets so tired of the video, that he stops it and starts playing Super Metroid. James finds out and tells him if he doesn't finish it, he'll have to watch Turtle Tunes three times, plus We Wish You a Turtles Christmas, the third movie, and the Coming Out Of Their Shells Tour.
  • "Movies That Rhyme", mainly for the Self-Deprecation joke at the end.
    James: Are you ready? Movies that rhyme with Jaws: Rebel Without a Cause, Applause, The Santa Clause. Movies that rhyme with Kindergarten Cop: Bus Stop, Barbershop, Operation: Dumbo Drop, American Pop, Beverly Hills Cop, Cash Crop, Over the Top. Movies that rhyme with Jurassic Park: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lois and Clark, South Park, A Shot in the Dark, Narc, Joan of Arc, Bark. Movies that rhyme with Judge Dredd: Eraserhead, King Vidoar's Our Daily Bread, Night of the Living Dead (1968), Playboy: Playmates in Bed, Drop Dead Fred, Fist Full Of Lead, Rose Red, Beavis and Butt-Head, He Said, She Said, Father Ted, Extreme Guitar Shred, Dead Ahead, Club Dread. (Beat) Wow, I just made the most pointless video ever made...
  • Wii Salute, where James gives personalities to the various game consoles of his youth. Among the highlights:
    • After Genesis picks on NES for not being 16-bit, NES calls on his big brother, the SNES, who tells Genesis to fuck his facehole through his ass.
    • While SNES and Genesis are bickering, Jaguar pops out and says "You thought you heard the last from Atari, you puny fools? I'm the Atari Jaguar, and I'm 64-bit!" SNES says, "You ain't 64-bit; get the fuck out of here."
    • After SNES delivers an epic Take That to Genesisnote , Genesis says that Sega's working on the Neptune.
    SNES: Oh. Well aren't you coming out with the Sega Saturn?
    Genesis: Yeah, we're hurrying it along.
    SNES: So what about the Neptune?
    Genesis: Oh, that? It's cancelled.
    SNES: Too many systems, huh?
    Genesis: Uh... fuck you.
  • Presenting Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: The Game: The Movie. Sadly, it's just a joke trailer and no actual movie will be made.

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