Danny trying to speak to the camera, but the boxer and his trainer/manager keeps blocking him.
"Let's talk about strategy." (the boxer lifts him up) "Forget about strategy!"
"She left me? And sold the movie rights?"
"We'll be back after this word from... anybody but me."
At the beginning of "Jesse's Girl", Jesse tries to bash Joey's head with a bat. He denies this, claiming he heard a burglar break in.
Jesse: I thought I heard a prowler. Joey: Liar! Jesse: Quiet.
While Jesse's waiting for his student:
Jesse:[playing his guitar]She's a la-dy. No. She's a wo-man. No! She's a mu-cha-cha.[stops] Maybe she's a man.
"Jealous!" "Thief!" "Jealous!" "Thief!"
"Stephanie Anne Judith." "Donna Jo Margaret."
DJ using the exercise bicycle while still angry at Steph. She's using it really fast.
"I know what you're gonna say. I'm wrong, you're right, I don't care!"
"A Pox in Our House"
Joey: Where the heck is a pen when you need one? [Steph throws a pen from her hiding place. Joey spots it and picks it up.]
Steph tries to sneak out, but then Jesse watches her. Steph changes her voice to a high squeak and pretends to be a "friend named Carol".
Steph: Uncle Jesse, you have the chicken pox too? Jesse: Whatcha say, Carol? Steph: I mean, Mr. Uncle. I mean, Uncle Cochran. I mean, Jesse... Mister. I mean, I... I... I... (reverts to her normal voice) I can't take it anymore! (removing her sunglasses and detective hat) It's me, Stephanie! Jesse:Unbelievable! Stephanie Tan-- I could have sworn it was Lauren Bacall!
In "Mad Money", Danny tells Jesse, who plans to go on stage as an Elvis impersonator, the family won't laugh at him. Joey comes, looks at Jesse, and walks out laughing.
Season 2 (In which Danny becomes co-host of "Wake Up San Francisco")
"Cutting It Close"
DJ: I can't believe you did that. Jesse: Whatcha do?
DJ:(saying it for the fourth time) I can't believe you did that. Steph: I can't believe you're still saying that! DJ:[seeing Joey with a hair net and painted toenails] I believe she did that.
About Jesse's hair...
Danny: Don't worry, it'll grow back. It's just hair. Jesse: No, your hair is just hair. My hair... (sees Steph holding the part that was cut off) is in your hand!
Broken-armed Jesse making a simple bowl of cereal.
In "Blast from the Past", Kimmy gets DJ and Steph stuck with magic handcuffs and can't get them out. So they have to wait for Kimmy's older brother to return while hiding this from everyone. They end up sleeping on the same bed. The next day, Kimmy tells them her brother won't be back for a while.
Steph: YOU CAN'T GET THE KEY? Let me at her! [everyone sees the handcuffs] Danny: Kimmy, did you handcuff my daughters together? Kimmy: Boy, nothing gets by you.
Season 3 (In which Jesse almost becomes a husband)
In "Tanner Island", when they see their boat floating away.
Danny:[runs towards the water] Come back! [Jesse follows him] Becky: You'll never catch that boat! Jesse: I don't wanna catch the boat! I wanna catch Danny!
The Clipboard of Fun keeps coming back to shore.
When Jesse and Joey find Danny just rubbing suds around at the sink in "Back to School Blues":
Jesse: Joey, it's finally happened. He's cleaning liquid soap. Danny: Don't be silly, I am just cleaning my rubber gloves. Joey: Danny, there is no shame in therapy.
At the end of an episode that aired around Halloween 1989, D.J. and Stephanie have made up after the sibling conflict of the week. What's funny is they're dressed in certain costumes for a party, and when Danny sees them embracing he says: "Awwww, Batman hugging the Joker! Now that's the way the movie should have ended!"
And before that they pretend to make up by hugging in front of him. When he finds out that it wasn't real, he's outraged.
"Grab yourself a cup of coffee..." "And a POP TART..."
"We shot a great commercial. Unfortunately, it took us 24 coffee cups to get it."
And from that same episode, Michelle playing the shadow game with a very annoyed Stephanie.
Stephanie: Okay, big shot, let's see you handle this. (very quickly) Ipledgeallegiancetotheflagoftheunitedstatesofamericaandtotherepublicforwhichitstandsonenationundergodindivisiblewithlibertyandjusticeforall. Try that!
[DJ and Kimmy make up] Steph: Stop, you're killing me! Michelle: Stop, you're killing me! Steph:(smirks) Hey Kimmy, wanna play shadow? Michelle: Hey Kimmy, do you wanna play shadow? Kimmy: No way, I hate that game. Michelle: No way, I hate that game. Kimmy: I said no! Michelle: I said no!
Also the entire episode "Secret Admirer," where Rusty sends a fake love letter to DJ. Hilarity Ensues.
Michelle: Everything went bananas!
When everyone's thoughts are heard...even Comet's!
Comet: Gee, I hope somebody drops a hamburger.
In the episode "Working Girl", Polite Police Michelle asks Steph if she can have her cupcake. Steph appreciates her politeness, and politely says no.
Michelle: Guess what... (gives back the cardboard star) Politeness Week is over! (grabs Steph's cupcake and runs) Steph:(runs after her) How rude!
In "The Wedding" (part 1):
Michelle practices by throwing tissue paper while she goes around the living room while Danny tries to get her to stop as he picks up the tissues.
Joey tries to talk Jesse out of sky-diving since he's getting married.
Joey: Isn't flying with me crazy enough? Jesse: No. Joey: How about if I do this? (Joey spins the plane around) Jesse: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! Don't do that! (hits Joey's head)
Jesse jumps out of the plane:
Jesse: HAAAVE MEEERCYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Joey: Oh my god, he jumped without his... mousse! (Jesse pulls his parachute. Joey gives him a thumps up. Jesse slowly descends to the ground.) Jesse: Did I forget my mousse?
At the church:
Danny: Nothing's wrong. Mr. Donaldson: You're lying! I can tell by the way you won't look me in the eye!
Rebecca: Is everything already, Danny? Danny: Oh, everything's fine. Perfectly fine. Rebecca: Then why won't you look me in the eye?
This scene in part 2:
Kimmy: These people are getting restless. You guys better lock the exits. Joey: What are we going to do? Danny: We gotta tell them something. Joey: We can't tell them the truth. Danny: I can't lie in church! Joey: Neither can I. We'll take them to the parking lot and lie to them there. Danny: Joey, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Mr. Katsopolis: What's going on? Mrs. Katsopolis: Where's my baby? Danny: You see, the truth is, your son's... (noticed the guests are looking at him) Would everybody like to accompany me in the parking lot? (Everyone stands up. Kimmy barges in.) Kimmy: Hey, I know why Jesse's late! He's in the slammer! (everyone murmurs in confusion) Danny: You can all sit down now. (everyone did)
And when Becky tried to tell Jesse she was pregnant through a game of Pictionary... and maybe the scene before that.
Season 5 (In which they add the twins)
The ENTIRE episode where Becky goes into labor is a CMOF, especially when Jesse becomes delirious after having his appendix removed.
Jesse:(to Danny) Next time you bring a celebrity home, try Angela Lansbury!
Ginger the chimp spanks Jesse in the rear in "Too Much Monkey Business".
Kimmy and Steph constantly bicker in "The Devil Made Me Do It".
Kimmy: Are you calling me dumb? Steph: You're so dumb you don't know how dumb you are. Kimmy:I know how dumb I am. You're the one who's dumb. Capital D-U-M. Dumb. DJ: Kimmy, there's a 'B'. Kimmy: Where?! I hate bees! DJ: Looks like we have a winner. Steph: Deej, why are you friends with this? Kimmy: She picked me. She's stuck with you.
Steph: I'm ordering a pizza. This could take months. Kimmy: Years. Steph: Centuries! Kimmy: Infinity! Steph: Double infinity! Kimmy: Triple infinity...
The look on Good!Michelle's face when Bad!Michelle says "Na na na na..." to her face.
In the episode "Yours, Mine, and Ours," Jesse and Becky argue about how to raise their twins:
Jesse: These kids were born to be wild!
Becky: Excuse me, they were born to be little gentlemen.
Jesse: That'll make a fine tattoo.
Season 6 (In which Tanners go to Disney World)
"Come Fly With Me"
The look on the family's faces when they see DJ and Steve kiss.
Steph: We've been to Nowheresville. Michelle: Is that where I got sick in the car? Steph:(pushed Michelle to the chair) Hehe. Kids.
Greeting the kids on the plane:
Steph:(shaking hands) Stephanie Tanner. USA. Michelle:(shaking hands) Michelle Tanner. C-A-T. Steph: Michelle! Michelle:(shrug) That's all I can spell.
Michelle: Steph, do they have ice cream in New Zealand? Steph: I don't know. I never been to New Zealand. Michelle: Oh. But they probably do, right? Steph: Who cares? Don't you understand? We're going to jail! Michelle: Oh, right. Do they have ice cream in jail? Steph:(frustrated) Try to stay with me. We are looking at hard time!
Michelle: We'll be driving six-wide horses when she comes! Kids: Hee-haw! Michelle: We'll be driving six-wide horses when she comes! Kids: Hee-haw! Michelle:(to Steph) I think somebody forgot to sing the "hee-haws". Steph: I'm too depressed for "hee-haws". When dad gets a hold of us, the only song we'll be singing is "we'll be grounded for life". Michelle: We'll be grounded for life when he comes! Kids: Hee-haw! (Stephanie sighs in frustration)
Steph tells Michelle to pretend to be sad so Danny would feel sorry for them.
Michelle: Bye Suzy! Steph: Michelle! Michelle:(being "sad") I mean, bye Suzy. Danny: Do you two have any idea how worried we were? Joey: Why in the world did you get on that plane in the first place? Steph: We're really sorry. It was an accident. Jesse: Accident? You accidentally walk into a plane? You accidentally sat down and accidentally flew to New Zealand? Steph: Okay... it was a freak accident. Michelle:(whispers to Steph) I don't think they bought it. Danny: You two aren't supposed to cross the street, let alone the Pacific!
Grounded in their rooms.
Steph: Any more questions? Michelle: Yes, why do grown-ups have hair up their noses?note (I wonder if she's referring to Suzy the stewardess?)
DJ: I have a question. Are you nuts? What made you get into a plane to New Zealand? Michelle: That's two questions.
Becky decided to give Danny and DJ space for them to talk:
Becky: Let's go call Aunt Ida. Jesse: Why? (Becky grabs his arm) Ow! Becky: You too. (grabs Joey's arm) Joey: Ow! I don't have an Aunt Ida!
Danny: "Coffee is just hot water with beans. But chocolate milk does a body good."
When Steph and Michelle learn where the plane is heading:
Steph: Auckland, New Zealand? Michelle: Fourteen hours? Both:(as the plane takes off) AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
In "Radio Days", Steph is trying to write a story and Michelle asks if she wants help. She knows how to write "I" and "T".
Steph: Yeah, that'll be a great story: "It it it it it..."!
Season 7 (In which the writers realize that the Danny/Vicky storyline is too confusing)
Also, the For Inconvenience, Press "1" sequence: Specific complaints the Rigby the Rhino hotline addresses include "if your Rigby pen is leaking" and "if your Rigby sticker turned everything in the washing machine orange". The appalled Joey notes, "Well, cross those off my Christmas list!" As for disappointment with the size of the Rigby toy the girls have called about, pressing that number gets the automated response: "It's not the size of your Rigby that counts, it's the fun you bring to it!"
The entirety of Incredibly Fantastic Discoveries in "The Prying Game".
Danny trying to stop Mrs. Caruthers from entering the kitchen where the stolen bikes are, not knowing the bikes are already upstairs. He ran to the kitchen before her...
Danny: Wait! Don't go in there! Move em! Move em! Move... [finds only Kimmy in the kitchen]Moving on up! To the eastside! To the deluxe apartment in the sky! Boy I missed The Jeffersons. How many Lionels were there? Mrs. Caruthers: One mystery at a time, Mr. Tanner.
Steph: Guys, check this out! Three other pink bikes got swiped! Kimmy: That's why we're here, small fry! Steph: How comforting, slim-jim.
Also this one:
Steve: Little Ruthie Bell went in to get her very first library card, and some goon napped her bike. Says here said she lost her zest for reading. Danny: She's zestless?!
More hilarious, earlier, when Danny realized he stolen the girl's bike near the library, he worries she'll be traumatized to the point of losing interest in reading.
The police sketch of Uncle Jesse.
D.J.: Look at this guy who took the Schultz's bike! He looks exactly like Uncle Je— Danny: Uncle Seymour! Hey, he looks exactly like Uncle Seymour. If he weren't a priest in Athens, he would be a suspect. (whispering) Take these up to Uncle Seymour. Steph: Who? Danny: Just do it.
D.J., Steve, and Steph went up to Michelle's room to find Jesse and Joey with three pink bikes.
In "Support Your Local Parents", Danny begins interrogating Stephanie and Michelle as to why they are being extra greedy from DJ, and Michelle's confession of something else entirely and Danny's subsequent response are priceless.
Michelle: I confess, I used your toothbrush to brush Comet's teeth! Danny: Ugh!
Michelle: Jesse said I could walk him and he ran away chasing a giant hot dog. Steph: Would you stop with the stupid story already? Michelle: I told you for the millionth, it's true! DJ: Look, I don't care if he was chasing a giant fruit cup! Michelle:Why would he chase a fruit cup? He likes hot dogs. DJ: Whatever!