Funny: Finding Nemo

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     Dory 

  • Dory speaking "whale." It actually works.
    • And when the whale is swimming farther away:
      Dory: (in whalespeak) Come baa-aaa-aaa-ack-ack...
    • The different dialects were pure gold.
      Dory: Didn't it sound a little like orca?
      Marlin: NO, IT SOUNDS LIKE AN UPSET STOMACH!!!
  • "Wow, I wish I could speak whale."
  • "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, what do we do we swim, swim, swim..."
  • "Don't worry. Whales only eat krill. Oh, look! Krill!"
  • When Dory tries go get information from a crabby crab:
    Crab: Yeah, I saw him, Bluey, but I'm not telling you where he went, and there's no way you're gonna make me!
    * Dory Death Glare*
    Cuts to Dory holding the crab out of water for the seagulls to see)
    Seagull: Mine?
    Other Seagulls: Mine! Mine!
    Crab: AHH! All right! I'll talk! I'll talk!
  • You can actually hear the "Why me?" in Marlin's tone during this scene:
    Dory: See, I suffer from short-term memory loss.
    Marlin: Short. Term. Memory loss... I don't believe this.
    Dory: Yeah, I forget things almost instantly. It runs in my family... at least, I think it does... hm, where are they? [pause] Can I help you?
  • "I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. Come here, Squishy!"
  • The scene when Marlin and Dory enter the dark part of the ocean:
    Marlin: Dory, do you see anything?
    Dory: Ahhhh! Something's got me!
    Marlin: That was me; I'm sorry.
    Dory: (gasp) Who's that?!
    Marlin: "Who's that?" Who could it be? It's me!
    Dory: Are...are you my conscience?
    Marlin: Yeah, yeah, I'm your conscience. We haven't spoken for a while. How are you?
    Dory: Mmm, can't complain.
    Marlin: Eh, good. Now, Dory, I want you to tell me...do you see anything?
    Dory: I see a...I see a light.
    Marlin: A light?
    Dory: Yeah, over there. Hey conscience, am I dead?
  • "Hey, look. "Es-ca-pay". I wonder what that means? That's funny, it's spelled just like the word "escape."
  • "No eating here tonight; you on a DIIIIIET!"
  • Dory talking in her sleep.
    "Careful with that hammer... sea monkey has my money...Yes, I'm a natural blue..."
    • The DVD reveals alternate ad-libs by Ellen: "Mmmmm.... no whammies.... Stop!"
  • Dory singing completely happily "Just keep swimming...just keep swimming" when she's stuck in the net with the other fish who are swimming down and repeatedly saying "KEEP SWIMMING!"
  • Marlin goes from crowing, "The clownfish is the winner!" to Oh, Crap when he realizes Dory didn't make it out of the jellyfish forest. He swims as fast as he can back into it to find her, and finds her in the tentacled embrace of one. Grabbing her away, Marlin tries to find a way out— and Dory, barely conscious, murmurs about their game, "Am I disqualified?"
  • Marlin refuses to let Dory ask a whale for directions to Sydney out of fear that it will eat them. It does, but they get better.
    Marlin: Okay, now it's my turn. I'm thinking of something dark and mysterious. It's a fish we don't know! And if we ask it directions, it could ingest us and spit out our bones!
    Marlin: I don't want to play the gender card right now. You wanna play a card? Let's play the "not die" card.
  • While they're trying to escape from Bruce, Bruce is slamming against a door they went through and Dory calls out, "Who is it? ... Sorry, you're gonna have to come back later! We're trying to escape!"
  • As Marlin starts to tell the story about Nemo getting kidnapped to the baby turtles, Dorey joins them in gasping and gathering around intensely to hear it.
    "No. Way."

     Everything else 
  • "I'M GONNA TOUCH THE BUTT!"
    • Marlin: Nemo! Don't Touch the Boat!
    Nemo: *Touches the Boat*
  • On the DVD Commentary, Andrew Stanton (Director) is being mocked for all the voices he did for the movie (Crush, the seagulls, and others). He comments that there was no way that part was going to make it onto the disc (which it did).
    Lee: Well, in that case [10 second Cluster Bleep Bomb]
    • Earlier, he relates his call to Ellen De Generes about casting her in the film and how he told her "I'm really gonna be up [*slide whistle*] if you don't come onto the project."
  • Or how about...
    Peach: It's morning everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining, the tank is clean, and we are getting outta- /gasp/ The tank is clean. THE TANK IS CLEAN!!
  • "Curse you Aquascum!!!"
  • SHARKBAIT, HOO HA HA.
    • "Enough with the sharkbait."
    • "SHARKBAIT! HOO... ba-ba-doo."
  • "That's not a duck, it's a— PELICAN!!"
  • Bloat: IF! You are able to swim through... the RING... of FIRE!!
    (dead silence)
    Bloat (muttering): Turn on the ring of fire. The ring of fire! You said you could do it—
    (Jacques turns on the volcano)
    Bloat: THERINGOFFIRE!!
    • Considering that the "ring of fire" is simply the bubbles from a fish tank underwater volcano, the sheer deadly seriousness with which everyone approaches Nemo's initiation ceremony makes the scene both surprisingly tense and utterly hilarious:
    Peach: Isn't there another way?! He's just a boy!
  • Turtles are funny.
  • Deb introducing Nemo to her twin sister Flo (actually her reflection in the glass tank).
  • The very very very end of the closing credits, when the little green fish from the Sharks' meeting EATS the angler fish!
  • During Darla's visit to the dentist when everything's going nuts, and the reaction of the people in the waiting room.
  • "I'M OBNOXIOUS!"
  • Mr. Ray, the overly-cheerful kindergarten teacher who is just a tad too into the material, singing constantly, even to the parents. During the fight between Marlin and Nemo, the mood is ruined for the audience when Mr. Ray tries to get the other children not to look!
    "THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S nothin' to see here! Gather! Uh... over there!"
    • YMMV: Some might see that as a bit of Black Comedy, as it's less funny and more awkward.
    • None of the children in his classroom ever take him up on his offer to, "Come on, sing with me!" (Although they are kindergarteners; the scientific names are probably a little much for most of them.)
  • "OH MY GOSTH! NEMO'TH THWIMMING OUT TA' STHEEE!!!"
  • "False alarm." (In the fullscreen version, we actually see the female patient's legs.)
  • Mr. Ray blanketing all the little fish kids with his body and saying, "Oh! I wonder where my class has gone?"
  • Marlin and Dory are being guided by Bruce through a foreboding part of the ocean filled with mines. He takes them into the submarine, where two of his friends are delighted to see him— "We've already gone through the snacks, and we're still starving!" Marlin gasps and closes his eyes, figuring those sharks will be the the last thing he ever sees— and then ring the bell, we're in the middle of an AA meeting!
    "Fish are friends, not food!"
    Anchor: Except stinkin' dolphins!
    Chum: DOLPHINS! Oh, yeah. They think their so cute! "Oh, look at me! I'm a flippin' little dolphin! Let me flip for ye! Ain't I something?
    • And the last scene shows that she's still going to the meetings!
    • "HERE'S BRUCEY!
      • INTERVENTION!
    • The fact that, as Bruce tries his damnedest to eat Marlin and Dory, the whole chase scene is interspersed with the other two sharks frantically apologising on his behalf.
      • "Sorry about!" BANG BANG "Bruce mate!" BANG BANG "He's really!" BANG BANG "A nice guy!"
  • When Marlin's tale of passing through the jellyfish forest is told, one of the baby turtles asks him "Mister Fish, did you die?"
  • The name of the Mountain Tank Ornament:
    Bloat: You have been called forth to the summit of Mount "Wannahawkaloogie"!
  • Nigel flying through the air with a heroic score in the background...and abruptly crashing into a window, startling the dentist, who then yanks out a tooth less than delicately.
    "Well, good thing I pulled the right one, eh Prime Minister?"
  • The crabs. The hilarious crabs.
    • When Nemo pops out of the sewer vent:
      You let 'im go!! *bop on head* HEY!! 'EYYYYYYY!!
    • When Nigel throws his crab back to the seagulls:
      "Ooooo-HI-YAH!!" *plops into water* [pause] "MINE?"
  • Bruce, Anchor and Chum: (after Marlin denies having a problem) Denial.
  • When Marlin is being chased around by the anglerfish, you can hear him saying, "Don't eat me, don't eat me, don't eat me — "
    *CHOMP* *CHOMP* *CHOMP* *CHOMP* *CHOMP*
    (beat)
    Dory: Light, please!
  • The seagulls and their one-track mind. Talk about Truth in Television!
    Mine!
    • For that matter, their first appearance when Nigel is trying to eat a crab:
    "OH, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?! You're rats with wings!"
    • Not only is their portrayal dead-on, but it's also funny as hell. Doubly so for the end of the chase sequence where the stupid birds get stuck in the sail. "Minemineminemineminemineminemineminemine!" indeed.
    • Special CMOF points to Disney for putting animatronic seagulls outside the Living Seas exhibit at Epcot when they integrated Finding Nemo into it.
    • The multi-language reel on the DVD, with the word "Mine" in 10+ different languages in rapid succession, is surprisingly hilarious.
  • The moonfish, especially when they imitate Marlin.
    "Blah-blah-blah, me-me-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah, me-me-me!"
  • Anemonemome. Anemomenemeneme. Amenenemomemonemome.
    • All right, all right, don't hurt yourself...
  • Wewantyouinourclubkid.note 
  • The root canal scene.
  • The "Exit Buddy" scene which has Squirt trying to explain safety procedures to Marlin and Dory.
    Squirt: Good afternoon, we're gonna have a great jump today! (Cut to Marlin and Dory's blank faces) Okay! First crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall! There's a screaming bottom curve, so watch out! Remember: rip it, roll it, and punch it!
    (Beat)
    Marlin: I think he's trying to speak to me, I know it! Look, you're really cute, but I don't know what you're saying!
    • Crush tells them to find their exit buddy. Dory promptly reaches to the side and grabs Marlin hard enough to make his eyes pop out a bit, without either of them saying a word or looking away from Crush.
  • The post-end tag scene where the fish tank crew actually pull off Gil's insane escape plan, even managing to roll all their bags across the busy highway and land safely in the water. They all start cheering... then realize they're still stuck in plastic bags. Oops.
    Bloat: (beat) Now what?
  • The main DVD menu for the 2-disc set has Marlin and Dory talking over it. Dory goes on with her usual scattered train of thought, while Marlin gets more and more irritated the longer you go without picking anything.
    Dory: Being in a movie would be so glamorous! Where's my trailer? I need water! Fill my trailer with water!
    Marlin: There are no wrong choices, the only wrong choice is to sit there doing nothing. Like you're doing right now.
  • It's funny in a slightly heartwarmingly teary-eyed way, but this exchange when Marlin and Nemo have finally been reunited:
    Marlin: Hey, guess what. Sea turtles? I met one. And he was a hundred and thirty years old.
    Nemo: Really?
    Marlin: Uh-huh.
    Nemo: Because Sandy Plankton said they only live to be a hundred.
    Marlin: [Deeply amused] ... Sandy Plankton? You think I don't know as much about turtles as Sandy Plankton?! He was a hundred and thirty, not a hundred! {Begins tickling Nemo] Who is this Sandy Plankton who knows everything anyway?
  • It takes place at a very tense moment, as the fish are on dry land surrounded by greedy seagulls, but one can't help but chuckle at how Nigel the Pelican, who is genuinely trying to help Marlin and Dory, picks the exact one thing to say that is least likely to inspire their confidence and trust:
    Nigel: Hop inside my mouth if you want to live. [Opens mouth wide]
  • "So they go into the dahk, it's like wicked dahk down there..."

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