Funny / Dungeons & Dragons

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Any examples for this must be taken from published Dungeons & Dragons material, not your personal experiences in a game.

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     Games and Guidebooks 
  • The 3rd edition Dungeon Master's Guide had a table titled One Hundred Personality Traits for the purposes of quickly coming up with descriptions for random and minor NP Cs, however entries #26 and #100 were accidentally omitted. In the 3.5 revision the table was reprinted adding in trait #100: No sense of humor (See #26). #26 was still missing (intentionally this time).
  • The 3.5e Expanded Psionics Handbook has two entries for the spell deja vu.
  • The "On the set of D&D 4th Edition" cartoons had quite a few gems, not the least of which was the infamous, "I'm a Monster, Raar!"
  • The first edition Monster Manual includes a picture of a man with his upper half inside a giant frog. The man is bend 90 degrees at the waist and not struggling, so the result reminds one of a lion tamer putting his head in the lion's mouth.
  • In Fiendish Codex: Tyrants of the Nine Hells, there's a section detailing Deals With The Devil, as well as how to get out of them. It's possible to do so legally, in Hell's actual court, but only if the bargaining devil actually broke the law (such as by actually lying to the mortal). Then it ends with this gem:
    It is also possible for a defendant to win her case on merit, only to suffer condemnation to the Nine Hells on unrelated grounds. Much diabolical laughter ensues.
  • The third edition Dungeon Master's Guide has two gems both related to naming: first, when speaking of whether to make the game style serious or humorous, it notes, "If the king of the land is a talking dog named Muffy or if the PCs have to find a brassiere of elemental summoning rather than a brazier of elemental summoning, don't expect anyone to take the game too seriously." Then under naming conventions it suggests, "Although any character name is fine in and of itself, a group that includes Bob the Fighter, Aldrorius Killraven of Thistledown, and Runtboy as characters lacks the consistency to be credible."
    • The fourth edition mentions the following "In a group consisting of Sithis, Travok, Anastrianna and Kairon, the human fighter named Bob II sticks out. Especially when he's identical to Bob I, who was killed by kobolds ... Travok and Kairon don't want to visit Gumdrop Island or talk to the enchanter Tim." This excerpt is a textbook example of Aerith and Bob.
  • The comic book by John Rogers opens with the line, "On the bright side, they're orphan zombies, so nobody's gonna miss 'em," and only goes on from there.
  • The Forgotten Realms sourcebook Races of Faerûn contains this gem: "Human legend has it that the centaurs are the result of some mad cross between a wild elf and a wild mustang, but both the wild elves and the centaurs take umbrage at this suggestion. (The mustangs have no particular opinions on the matter.)"
  • Player's Guide to Eberron: After several paragraphs of incredible smugness from an elf and a half-elf, quoted from a play:
    Cullaris: Tell me, what virtue do we not possess?
    Mahlla: Humility?
    Cullaris: Yes, perhaps.
  • The disclaimer on the 5th Edition Players Handbook, on the credits page.
    Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast is not responsible for the consequenses of splitting up the party, sticking appendages in the mouth of a leering green devil face, accepting a dinner invitation from bugbears, storming the feast hall of a hill giant steading, angering a dragon of any variety, or saying yes when the DM asks, "Are you really sure?"
  • The disclaimer on the Monster Manual of the same edition, also on the credits page:
    Disclaimer: Any similarities between monsters depicted in this book and monsters that actually exist are purely coincidental. That goes double for mind flayers, which absolutely, utterly, and completely do not exist, nor do they secretly run the D&D team. Do we really need a disclaimer to tell you that? You shouldn't use your brain to consider such irrational thoughts. They only make the mind cluttered, confused, and unpleasantly chewy. A good brain is nice, tender, and barely used. Go ahead, put down this book and watch some reality TV or Internet cat videos. They're really funny these days. You won't regret it. We say this only because we love you and your juicy, succulent gamer brain.
  • And following the tradition, here's the Dungeon Master's Guide disclaimer:
    Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not officially endorse the following tactics, which are guaranteed to maximize your enjoyment as a Dungeon Master. First, always keep a straight face and say OK no matter how ludicrous or doomed the players’ plan of action is. Second, no matter what happens, pretend that you intended all along for everything to unfold the way it did. Third, if you’re not sure what to do next, feign illness, end the session early, and plot your next move. When all else fails, roll a bunch of dice behind your screen, study them for a moment with a look of deep concern mixed with regret, let loose a heavy sign, and announce that Tiamat swoops from the sky and attacks.
  • All D&D 5th edition books have these. From the Starter Set:
    Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast is not responsible for the consequences of any failed saving throws, including but not limited to petrification, poison, death magic, dragon breath, spells, or vorpal sword-related decapitations.
  • From Hoard of the Dragon Queen:
    Disclaimer: The following adventure contains chromatic dragons. Wizards of the Coast cannot be held liable for characters who are incinerated, dissolved, frozen, poisoned, or electrocuted.
  • From Rise of Tiamat:
    Disclaimer: Tiamat does not apologize for TP Ks.
  • From the Elemental Evil Player's Companion:
    Disclaimer: For safe utilization of elemental magic, remember the following guidelines. You can drink water but not fire. You can breathe air but not earth. You can walk on earth but not on water (unless you have the right pair of boots or spell). You can do a lot of things with fire, but almost all of them are bad ideas.
  • From the Princes of the Apocalypse module:
    Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast urges adventurers to remember that not all rock creatures are earth elementals. A talking rock that controls boulders is a galeb duhr. A talking rock wearing jewelry is a dao. A silent rock that's resistant to non-adamantine weapons is a stone golem. A rock with wings is a gargoyle. A rock without a K is a giant bird. A rock that sits there and does nothing could be just a rock or a balor disguised by an illusion. In all cases, proceed with caution.
  • From the Out of the Abyss module:
    Disclaimer: Before you take on demon lords, consult a physician. Do not drink alcohol while taking on demon lords. Taking alcohol and demon lords may increase your risk of death. Other side effects of demon lords may include hallucinations, mindless rage, gluttony, greed, paranoia, self-delusion, bestial urges, nihilism, hedonism, megalomania, a messiah complex, cannibalism, multiple personalities, and homicidal psychosis.
  • From the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide:
    Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast cannot be held responsible for any actions undertaken by entities native to or currently inhabiting the Forgotten Realms, including necromancer lords of distant magocracies, resident mages of any or all Dales but especially Shadowdale, drow rangers wielding one or more scimitars and accompanied by one or more panthers, mad wizards inhabiting sprawling dungeons accessible via a well in the middle of a tavern, beholders who head up criminal cartels, and anyone with the word Many-Arrows in their name. In the event of a catastrophic encounter with any or all such entities, blame your Dungeon Master. If that doesn't work, blame Ed Greenwood, but don't tell him we told you that. He knows more archmages than we do.
  • Curse of Strahd, anyone?
    Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast cannot be held liable for any lingering side effects of venturing into the dread realm of Ravenloft, such as lycantropy, vampirism, a fear of dead things, a fear of living things, an inability to sleep without a nightlight and a +5 holy avenger under your pillow, and the unsettling suspicion that Strahd is too clever to be so easily defeated and that this is all just part of some grand scheme of his to extend his power beyond Barovia. You didn't think you could escape unless he wanted you to, did you?

     The Animated Series 

  • In a scene often quoted by the Game Grumps, when the main characters arrive in the D&D world, the man they meet says "ranger, wizard, and... acrobat."
    • And when he says "thief!", stating one character's new class, the newly-minted thief says "What?" and people shout "GET HIM!"
  • In "Search for the Dungeon Master," Presto demands of his hat something to stop a charging monster. His hat produces a Stop Sign. Presto's sheepish grin as he plants the sign and runs away sells it.
  • Quite a few from the first half of "The Girl Who Dreamed Tomorrow."
    • First, Eric, in a panic over the Bullywogs, tries to warn his friends, while they ignore him, resulting in him grabbing and shaking a Lizard Man to try to get his point across, only to realize a moment later who he was talking to.
    • Sheila then volunteers to retrieve him from the Bullywogs and Lizard Men, all of who are fighting over who gets to capture him. Invisible, she slaps a Lizard Man on the ass, and then calmly retrieves Eric, still gibbering, from the ensuring chaos.
  • The beginning of "Dungeon at the Heart of Dawn" includes a common background shot of Hank and Sheila leaning against each other. But this time, when she sees a falling boulder apparently crush Bobby, a frantic Sheila jumps up and runs off... and poor Hank topples over.

     The Films 
Despite their varying quality from So Bad, It's Good, to So Okay, It's Average, the film adaptations have some amusing moments. Particularly the horrendous 2000 film.

  • Everything Jeremy Irons says and does. Literally Everything
    • Bruce Payne also adds his raw supply of ham to the movie, and evvvvveeerrrry tiiimmmmee heee exxxtteeeenddsss his sentancesssss counts as a moment in its own right
  • Snails' opinion on his and Ridley's plan to break into the magic school as their in the middle of climbing an insanely tall tower.
    Snails: Why it gotta be so high up!
    Ridley: Quiet!
    Snails: Can't we just rob the first floor next time?
    Ridley: Shush!
    Snails: Why don't we just rob God while we're up here!