open/close all folders
Games and Guidebooks
- The 3rd edition Dungeon Master's Guide had a table titled One Hundred Personality Traits for the purposes of quickly coming up with descriptions for random and minor NPCs, however entries #26 and #100 were accidentally omitted. In the 3.5 revision the table was reprinted adding in trait #100: No sense of humor (See #26). #26 was still missing (intentionally this time).
- The 3.5e Expanded Psionics Handbook has two entries for the spell deja vu.
- The "On the set of D&D 4th Edition" cartoons had quite a few gems, not the least of which was the infamous, "I'm a Monster, Raar!"
- The first edition Monster Manual includes a picture of a man with his upper half inside a giant frog. The man is bend 90 degrees at the waist and not struggling, so the result reminds one of a lion tamer putting his head in the lion's mouth.
- From the Giant Lynx (which are intelligent) entry in the same book, we have a cartoon of some adventurers encountering one. One adventure says to the other "Whaddaya mean we gotta talk to this lynx?? The last monster we talked to ate half of the party!"
- The "Leprechaun" entry depicts the fey in question wreaking havoc around their page with their magic, including tearing down the text in the upper right corner and riding the "Giant Leech" in the adjacent entry like a horse.
- In Fiendish Codex: Tyrants of the Nine Hells, there's a section detailing Deals With The Devil, as well as how to get out of them. It's possible to do so legally, in Hell's actual court, but only if the bargaining devil actually broke the law (such as by actually lying to the mortal). Then it ends with this gem:
It is also possible for a defendant to win her case on merit, only to suffer condemnation to the Nine Hells on unrelated grounds. Much diabolical laughter ensues.
- The third edition Dungeon Master's Guide has two gems both related to naming: first, when speaking of whether to make the game style serious or humorous, it notes, "If the king of the land is a talking dog named Muffy or if the PCs have to find a brassiere of elemental summoning rather than a brazier of elemental summoning, don't expect anyone to take the game too seriously." Then under naming conventions it suggests, "Although any character name is fine in and of itself, a group that includes Bob the Fighter, Aldrorius Killraven of Thistledown, and Runtboy as characters lacks the consistency to be credible."
- The fourth edition mentions the following "In a group consisting of Sithis, Travok, Anastrianna and Kairon, the human fighter named Bob II sticks out. Especially when he's identical to Bob I, who was killed by kobolds ... Travok and Kairon don't want to visit Gumdrop Island or talk to the enchanter Tim." This excerpt is a textbook example of Aerith and Bob.
- The comic book by John Rogers opens with the line, "On the bright side, they're orphan zombies, so nobody's gonna miss 'em," and only goes on from there.
- The Forgotten Realms sourcebook Races of Faerûn contains this gem: "Human legend has it that the centaurs are the result of some mad cross between a wild elf and a wild mustang, but both the wild elves and the centaurs take umbrage at this suggestion. (The mustangs have no particular opinions on the matter.)"
- Player's Guide to Eberron: After several paragraphs of incredible smugness from an elf and a half-elf, quoted from a play:
- The disclaimer on the 5th Edition Player's Handbook, on the credits page.
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast is not responsible for the consequenses of splitting up the party, sticking appendages in the mouth of a leering green devil face, accepting a dinner invitation from bugbears, storming the feast hall of a hill giant steading, angering a dragon of any variety, or saying yes when the DM asks, "Are you really sure?"
- The disclaimer on the Monster Manual of the same edition, also on the credits page:
Disclaimer: Any similarities between monsters depicted in this book and monsters that actually exist are purely coincidental. That goes double for mind flayers, which absolutely, utterly, and completely do not exist, nor do they secretly run the D&D team. Do we really need a disclaimer to tell you that? You shouldn't use your brain to consider such irrational thoughts. They only make the mind cluttered, confused, and unpleasantly chewy. A good brain is nice, tender, and barely used. Go ahead, put down this book and watch some reality TV or Internet cat videos. They're really funny these days. You won't regret it. We say this only because we love you and your juicy, succulent gamer brain.
- And following the tradition, here's the Dungeon Master's Guide disclaimer:
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not officially endorse the following tactics, which are guaranteed to maximize your enjoyment as a Dungeon Master. First, always keep a straight face and say OK no matter how ludicrous or doomed the players’ plan of action is. Second, no matter what happens, pretend that you intended all along for everything to unfold the way it did. Third, if you’re not sure what to do next, feign illness, end the session early, and plot your next move. When all else fails, roll a bunch of dice behind your screen, study them for a moment with a look of deep concern mixed with regret, let loose a heavy sign, and announce that Tiamat swoops from the sky and attacks.
- All D&D 5th edition books have these. From the Starter Set:
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast is not responsible for the consequences of any failed saving throws, including but not limited to petrification, poison, death magic, dragon breath, spells, or vorpal sword-related decapitations.
- From Hoard of the Dragon Queen:
Disclaimer: The following adventure contains chromatic dragons. Wizards of the Coast cannot be held liable for characters who are incinerated, dissolved, frozen, poisoned, or electrocuted.
- From Rise of Tiamat:
Disclaimer: Tiamat does not apologize for TPKs.
- From the Elemental Evil Player's Companion:
Disclaimer: For safe utilization of elemental magic, remember the following guidelines. You can drink water but not fire. You can breathe air but not earth. You can walk on earth but not on water (unless you have the right pair of boots or spell). You can do a lot of things with fire, but almost all of them are bad ideas.
- From the Princes of the Apocalypse module:
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast urges adventurers to remember that not all rock creatures are earth elementals. A talking rock that controls boulders is a galeb duhr. A talking rock wearing jewelry is a dao. A silent rock that's resistant to non-adamantine weapons is a stone golem. A rock with wings is a gargoyle. A rock without a K is a giant bird. A rock that sits there and does nothing could be just a rock or a balor disguised by an illusion. In all cases, proceed with caution.
- From the Out of the Abyss module:
Disclaimer: Before you take on demon lords, consult a physician. Do not drink alcohol while taking on demon lords. Taking alcohol and demon lords may increase your risk of death. Other side effects of demon lords may include hallucinations, mindless rage, gluttony, greed, paranoia, self-delusion, bestial urges, nihilism, hedonism, megalomania, a messiah complex, cannibalism, multiple personalities, and homicidal psychosis.
- From the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide:
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast cannot be held responsible for any actions undertaken by entities native to or currently inhabiting the Forgotten Realms, including necromancer lords of distant magocracies, resident mages of any or all Dales but especially Shadowdale, drow rangers wielding one or more scimitars and accompanied by one or more panthers, mad wizards inhabiting sprawling dungeons accessible via a well in the middle of a tavern, beholders who head up criminal cartels, and anyone with the word Many-Arrows in their name. In the event of a catastrophic encounter with any or all such entities, blame your Dungeon Master. If that doesn't work, blame Ed Greenwood, but don't tell him we told you that. He knows more archmages than we do.
- Curse of Strahd, anyone?
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast cannot be held liable for any lingering side effects of venturing into the dread realm of Ravenloft, such as lycantropy, vampirism, a fear of dead things, a fear of living things, an inability to sleep without a nightlight and a +5 holy avenger under your pillow, and the unsettling suspicion that Strahd is too clever to be so easily defeated and that this is all just part of some grand scheme of his to extend his power beyond Barovia. You didn't think you could escape unless he wanted you to, did you?
- Volo's Guide to Monsters:
Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not vouch for, guarantee, or provide any promise regarding the validity of the information provided in this volume by Volothamp Geddarm. Do not trust Volo. Do not go on quests offered by Volo. Do not listen to Volo. Avoid being seen with him for risk of guilt by association. If Volo appears in your campaign, your DM is undoubtedly trying to kill your character in a manner that can be blamed on your own actions. The DM is probably trying to do that anyway, but with Volo's appearance, you know for sure. We're not convinced that Elminster's commentary is all that trustworthy either, but he turned us into flumphs the last time we mentioned him in one of these disclaimers.
Volo, ye are the fool of fools. Illithid brains are poisonous, and drive humans insane with a flood of memories at every bite. Er. Ask me not how I know this.
- Elminster is editing the book, like he has with all of Volo's previous Guide books. The sheer amount of snark from the venerable archmage at times just oozes off the pages.
- During the mind flayer section, Volo has a note wondering what a mind flayer's brain tastes like. Elminster's response...
- Also during the mind flayer section, when Volo talks about illithid ships that travel between Planes via the cosmos, Elminster accuses him of making shit up after spending a week in an opium den. Elminster, the 1200+ year old archmage that can teleport to other worlds, nay-saying the possibility of space travel.
- The Tales from the Yawning Portal keeps it short and sweet:
Disclaimer: Do we really need a disclaimer to tell you that it's not our fault that your character died because you decided to climb down into a monster- and trap-filled hole in the ground?
- And joy, now we have the disclaimer for Tomb of Annihilation to remind us of what is waiting in Chult:
Disclaimer: This adventure will make your players hate you - the kind of simmering hatred that eats away at their souls until all that remains are dark little spheres of annihilation where their hearts used to be. PS Don't forget to tear up their charater sheets.
- Xanathar's Guide to Everything...which completely nosedives into Suspiciously Specific Denial:
Disclaimer: No goldfish were harmed in the making of this book. Especially not Sylgar. Sylgar definitely did not die because we forgot to change his water. If you see Xanathar, make sure it knows that. Be perfectly clear Sylgar was not harmed. And we had nothing to do with it. Better yet, don't bring it up, and don't mention us.
- The third-party rulebook The Book of Erotic Fantasy contains the Voyeuristic Seer, a prestige class that specializes in using divination to watch other people have sex. The spell section contains a lot of other silly things, like the anti-clothing shell and the Disrobe spell.
- A lot in the various Planescape books, including most entries penned by Xanxaost the slaad:
- Forgotten Realms books contain some hilarity more often than not:
"Two types of chimerae stalk Cormanthor: the mean ones, and the really mean ones. You can't tell one from the other, except for their lips.""As if keeping an undead ferret in her tunic weren't enough to drive civilized company away, she spent her last social gathering explaining the disparate relative effects of falling damage on living and undead rat squirrels to two decidedly uncomfortable apprentice mages with good prospects."
- Elminster's Ecologies:
Once the focal stones are safely hidden inside a hollow statuette out behind her privy, Volo: As I was saying, wizards tend to be a mite suspicious of the world around — and not always without reason.
- Volo's Guides, with his and Elminster's footnotes:
 Elminster: Delusions this grand are the final frightening stages of the descent into babbling idiocy. Hmmm, perhaps the lad would've made a good mage after all...
- Portable Hole Full of Beer, and its remakes Son of a Portable Hole and Bride of Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy. Complete with Flumphonomicon, mockery of weirdly specialized prestige classes and dumbed-down flavour text of some late D&D products, stats for monsters like Marshmallow Golem, "12 Year Old Gamer Girl" template, a handful of spells and items—some of which are usable in a sane game, but have outstanding Power Perversion Potential—and so on. It's downloadable for free.
- There are prestige classes for becoming a Pokemon master, becoming a chef who specializes in cooking the monsters the party defeats, and metagaming more and more until the character becomes fully aware they are in a roleplaying game, turns into a real person, and moves in with their player.
- Book of Oafish Might has much the same style as Portable Hole (only a bit more... oafish), presenting things like mock templates "Redundant Creature" or "Really, really Evil Creature" and enough slapstick material to make The Loonie stand and hear... hear...
- A couple of guys (Frank Trollman and his buddy Keith) wrote some articles which had some houserules to iron some of the wrinkles out of Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 (Like Polymorph or Wish). One of these, the Dungeonomicon, has almost all of its section headings end in an —nomicon name and a pithy quote. Highlights include: The Constructanomicon: "How does that even stay up?" Other articles include such memorable quotes as: Character Backgrounds: "I… I'm a fighter. I stab people. In the face." Not even feats are safe, with the feat Giant Slayer having the flavor text Everyone has a specialty. Yours is miraculously finding ways to stab creatures in the face when it seems improbable that you would be able to reach that high. and Zen Archery reading You are very calm about shooting people in the face. That's a good place to be.
The Animated Series
The Night of No Tomorrow The Eye Of The Beholder The Hall Of Bones Valley Of The Unicorns In Search Of The Dungeon Master
- In "Search for the Dungeon Master," Presto demands of his hat something to stop a charging monster. His hat produces a Stop Sign. Presto's sheepish grin as he plants the sign and runs away sells it.
- When Eric learns that the titular children mature into the very bestial looking Alfor, "You guys grow up to be Wookies?"
- Sheila tricks a couple of lizard men into trapping themselves.
- Quite a few from the first half of "The Girl Who Dreamed Tomorrow."
- First, Eric, in a panic over the Bullywogs, tries to warn his friends, while they ignore him, resulting in him grabbing and shaking a Lizard Man to try to get his point across, only to realize a moment later who he was talking to.
- Sheila then volunteers to retrieve him from the Bullywogs and Lizard Men, all of who are fighting over who gets to capture him. Invisible, she slaps a Lizard Man on the ass, and then calmly retrieves Eric, still gibbering, from the ensuring chaos.
- When Dungeon Master tells them there is great danger ahead, Eric can only reply, "What now, Oh Terrible Tour Guide?"
- Facing off against Venger, Eric attempts to make a Badass Boast, telling old hornhead, "Only one of us will survive this, and it's not going to be me!"
- There's just something amusing about seeing Eric, now more comfortable with his new powers, casually zapping the tentacles that are trying to drag their boat under.
- Eric pulls a Well, Excuse Me, Princess! on Bobby after telling the pint-sized Barbarian that Uni is off hanging with Kosar.
- Eric and Bobby tell Kosar that taking out the Demon will be a piece of cake, and that the Queen will probably thank them. Kosar then explains that the Queen IS the Demon.
Eric: Hold the cake.
- Eric points out to Hank that even if Diana and Kosar can see his flares, they'd have no way of signaling back, and then rebukes Presto for pulling a map of Pittsburgh from his hat. The others, tired of his negativity, ask him what he thinks they should do. He fumbles for a second, then gives us this gem:
Eric: WHY ARE YOU BUGGING ME! ASK HIM! (points offscreen to reveal Dungeon Master, who wasn't there a second ago.)
- The beginning of "Dungeon at the Heart of Dawn" includes a common background shot of Hank and Sheila leaning against each other. But this time, when she sees a falling boulder apparently crush Bobby, a frantic Sheila jumps up and runs off... and poor Hank topples over.
- In a scene often quoted by the Game Grumps, when the main characters arrive in the D&D world, the man they meet says "ranger, wizard, and... acrobat."
- And when he says "thief!", stating one character's new class, the newly-minted thief says "What?" and people shout "GET HIM!"
Despite their varying quality from So Bad, It's Good, to So Okay, It's Average, the film adaptations have some amusing moments. Particularly the horrendous 2000 film.
- Everything Jeremy Irons says and does. Literally Everything
- Bruce Payne also adds his raw supply of ham to the movie, and evvvvveeerrrry tiiimmmmee heee exxxtteeeenddsss his sentancesssss counts as a moment in its own right
- Snails' opinion on his and Ridley's plan to break into the magic school as their in the middle of climbing an insanely tall tower.
Snails: Why it gotta be so high up!Ridley: Quiet!Snails: Can't we just rob the first floor next time?Ridley: Shush!Snails: Why don't we just rob God while we're up here!