History Funny / DungeonsAndDragons

21st Nov '16 4:46:17 PM Valiran
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* A lot in the various ''{{Planescape}}'' books, including most entries penned by [[ComedicSociopathy Xanxaost]] the [[ChaoticNeutral slaad]]:
** The whole idea of ''mephit vendetta code'', which ends with "Mephits are never given to friends, as anyone [[GoddamnedBats who has met one]] understands."
** '''Xanxaost:''' [[ImAHumanitarian Mmm... mephits]].
* ''ForgottenRealms'' books contain ''some'' hilarity more often than not:
** ''Elminster's Ecologies'':
--> "Two types of chimerae stalk Cormanthor: the mean ones, and the really mean ones. You can't tell one from the other, except for their lips."
--> "As if keeping an undead ferret in her tunic weren't enough to drive civilized company away, she spent her last social gathering explaining the disparate relative effects of falling damage on living and undead rat squirrels to two decidedly uncomfortable apprentice mages with good prospects."
** ''Volo's Guides'', with his and Elminster's footnotes:
---> [4] '''Elminster:''' Delusions this grand are the final frightening stages of the descent into babbling idiocy. Hmmm, perhaps the lad would've made a good mage after all...
--> Once the ''focal stones'' are safely hidden inside a hollow statuette out behind her privy,[20]
---> [20] '''Volo:''' As I was saying, wizards tend to be a mite suspicious of the world around -- [[ProperlyParanoid and not always without reason]].
* ''Portable Hole Full of Beer'', and its remakes ''Son of a Portable Hole'' and ''Bride of Portable Hole: The Book of Neurotic Fantasy''. Complete with Flumphonomicon, mockery of weirdly specialized prestige classes and dumbed-down flavour text of some late D&D products, stats for monsters like [[Film/{{Ghostbusters 1984}} Marshmallow Golem]], "[[PuritySue 12 Year Old Gamer Girl]]" template, a handful of spells and items--some of which are usable in a sane game, but have outstanding PowerPerversionPotential--and so on. It's downloadable for free.
** There are prestige classes for becoming a Pokemon master, becoming a chef who specializes in cooking the monsters the party defeats, and metagaming more and more until the character becomes fully aware they are in a roleplaying game, turns into a ''real'' person, and moves in with their player.
* ''[[http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=28881 Book of Oafish Might]]'' has much the same style as ''Portable Hole'' (only a bit more... oafish), presenting things like mock templates "[[{{Padding}} Redundant Creature]]" or "[[{{Troperrific}} Really, really Evil Creature]]" and enough slapstick material to make TheLoonie stand and hear... hear...
* A couple of guys (Frank Trollman and his buddy Keith) wrote some articles which had some houserules to iron some of the wrinkles out of Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 (Like Polymorph or Wish). One of these, the Dungeonomicon, has almost all of its section headings end in an --nomicon name and a pithy quote. Highlights include: '''The Constructanomicon:''' ''"How does that even stay up?"'' Other articles include such memorable quotes as: '''Character Backgrounds:''' ''"I I'm a fighter. I stab people. In the face."'' Not even feats are safe, with the feat Giant Slayer having the flavor text ''Everyone has a specialty. Yours is miraculously finding ways to stab creatures in the face when it seems improbable that you would be able to reach that high.'' and Zen Archery reading ''You are very calm about shooting people in the face. That's a good place to be.''
21st Nov '16 4:39:36 PM Valiran
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* The third-party rulebook The Book of Erotic Fantasy contains the Voyeuristic Seer, a prestige class that ''specializes in using divination to watch other people have sex''. The spell section contains a lot of other silly things, like the anti-clothing shell and the Disrobe spell.
21st Nov '16 7:34:31 AM WildCardCourier
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* Volo's Guide to Monsters:
-->''Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not vouch for, guarantee, or provide any promise regarding the validity of the information provided in this volume by Volothamp Geddarm. Do not trust Volo. Do not go on quests offered by Volo. Do not listen to Volo. Avoid being seen with him for risk of guilt by association. If Volo appears in your campaign, your DM is undoubtedly trying to kill your character in a manner that can be blamed on your own actions. The DM is probably trying to do that anyway, but with Volo's appearance, you know for sure. We're not convinced that Elminster's commentary is all that trustworthy either, but he turned us into flumphs the last time we mentioned him in one of these disclaimers.''
** Elminster is editing the book, like he has with all of Volo's previous Guide books. The sheer amount of [[DeadpanSnarker snark]] from the venerable archmage at times just oozes off the pages.
** During the mind flayer section, Volo has a note wondering what a mind flayer's brain tastes like. Elminster's response...
-->''Volo, ye are the fool of fools. [[TooMuchInformation Illithid brains are poisonous, and drive humans insane with a flood of memories at every bite.]] [[DidIJustSayThatOutLoud Er. Ask me not how I know this.]]''
** Also during the mind flayer section, when Volo talks about [[Tabletop/{{Spelljammer}} illithid ships that travel between Planes via the cosmos]], Elminster accuses him of making shit up after spending a week in an opium den. [[ArbitrarySkepticism Elminster, the 1200+ year old archmage that can teleport to other worlds, nay-saying the possibility of space travel.]]
14th Nov '16 9:37:33 PM allium
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* The first edition Monster Manual includes a picture of a man with his upper half inside a giant frog. The man is bend 90 degrees at the waist and not struggling, so the result reminds one of a lion tamer putting his head in the lion's mouth.
** From the Giant Lynx (which are intelligent) entry in the same book, we have a cartoon of some adventurers encountering one. One adventure says to the other "Wha do yeoman we've gotta talk to this lynx? The last monster we talked to ate half of the party."

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* The first edition Monster Manual ''Monster Manual'' includes a picture of a man with his upper half inside a giant frog. The man is bend 90 degrees at the waist and not struggling, so the result reminds one of a lion tamer putting his head in the lion's mouth.
** From the Giant Lynx (which are intelligent) entry in the same book, we have a cartoon of some adventurers encountering one. One adventure says to the other "Wha do yeoman we've "Whaddaya mean we gotta talk to this lynx? lynx?? The last monster we talked to ate half of the party."party!"
12th Oct '16 4:14:57 PM MagnusForce
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** From the Giant Lynx (which are intelligent) entry in the same book, we have a cartoon of some adventurers encountering one. One adventure says to the other "Wha do yeoman we've gotta talk to this lynx? The last monster we talked to ate half of the party."
** The "Leprechaun" entry deepest the fey in question wreaking havoc around [[BreakingTheFourthWall their page]] with their magic, including tearing down the text in the upper right corner and riding the "Giant Leech" in the adjacent entry like a horse.
13th Sep '16 12:19:23 PM Ferot_Dreadnaught
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* The third edition Dungeon Master's Guide has two gems both related to naming: first, when speaking of whether to make the game style serious or humorous, it notes, "If the king of the land is a [[TalkingAnimal talking dog]] named [[UnfortunateNames Muffy]] or if the [=PCs=] have to find a ''[[KleptomaniacHeroFoundUnderwear brassiere of elemental summoning]]'' rather than a ''brazier of elemental summoning'', don't expect anyone to take the game too seriously." Then under naming conventions it suggests, "Although any character name is fine in and of itself, a group that includes [[AerithAndBob Bob the Fighter]], [[PurpleProse Aldrorius Killraven]] [[OverlyLongName of Thistledown]], and [[TheyJustDidntCare Runtboy]] as characters lacks the consistency to be credible."

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* The third edition Dungeon Master's Guide has two gems both related to naming: first, when speaking of whether to make the game style serious or humorous, it notes, "If the king of the land is a [[TalkingAnimal talking dog]] named [[UnfortunateNames Muffy]] or if the [=PCs=] have to find a ''[[KleptomaniacHeroFoundUnderwear brassiere of elemental summoning]]'' rather than a ''brazier of elemental summoning'', don't expect anyone to take the game too seriously." Then under naming conventions it suggests, "Although any character name is fine in and of itself, a group that includes [[AerithAndBob Bob the Fighter]], [[PurpleProse Aldrorius Killraven]] [[OverlyLongName of Thistledown]], and [[TheyJustDidntCare Runtboy]] Runtboy as characters lacks the consistency to be credible."
23rd Aug '16 7:29:34 AM Troper_Walrus
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-->''Disclaimer: Tiamat does not apologize for TPKs.''

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-->''Disclaimer: Tiamat does not apologize for TPKs.[[TotalPartyKill TPKs]].''
22nd May '16 7:16:26 PM bweb
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* When Dungeon Master tells them there is great danger ahead, Eric can only reply, "What now, Oh Terrible Tour Guide?"
22nd May '16 7:08:08 PM bweb
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--> '''Eric''': WHY ARE YOU BUGGING ME! ASK HIM! (points offscreen to reveal Dungeon Master, who [[StealthHiBye wasn't there a second ago]].

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--> '''Eric''': WHY ARE YOU BUGGING ME! ASK HIM! (points offscreen to reveal Dungeon Master, who [[StealthHiBye wasn't there a second ago]]. \n)
22nd May '16 7:07:34 PM bweb
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* Eric points out to Hank that even if Diana and Kosar can see his flares, they'd have no way of signaling back, and then rebukes Presto for pulling a map of Pittsburgh from his hat. The others, tired of his negativity, ask him what ''he'' thinks they should do. He fumbles for a second, then gives us this gem:
--> '''Eric''': WHY ARE YOU BUGGING ME! ASK HIM! (points offscreen to reveal Dungeon Master, who [[StealthHiBye wasn't there a second ago]].
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