Funny / Book of Mario: Thousands of Doors

The whole idea of these hacks is to see how crazy and funny they get; therefore, there are a lot of funny moments.

WARNING: Moments subpages are Spoilers Off. Read at your own risk.

---

Thousands of Doors

General

• If you know the original game, you can realize that some failed translations are simple exaggerations of some terms or misinterpretations: for example, Professor Frankly becomes Honesty Professor Caesar Reality, Koops' attack which hits all enemies on the ground becomes Carbon's superpower which is now efficient against all enemies on Earth, and his father's mail where he says he can't wait for his son to come back home somehow becomes a ridiculously dark letter where he accuses his son of having destroyed their hometown.
• The enemy names. You know you're in for a treat when the starting tutorial Goombas are called "Fish", "Fuckin' Goomba" and "Paraboom".
• The bosses. Such things as a giant lesbian dragon, a mech named Big Ass, and an insane fourth-wall breaking ghost come out of Google Translate's algorithms.
• If you have Mr. Mowz join your team, their "joined the party" message is quite appropriate considering they're a thief.
  Mr. Mowz takes your team!
• Some of the item and badge (called medals in-game) names and descriptions. Gradual Syrup somehow became "Unemployed Graduate".
• The fact that you 'Rescue All Life' whenever you save the game.
• Goombell's Blah ability comes out with some FANTASTIC side-stuff that is easily missable. Blah is also described as 'See enemy picture and watch the war in HD.'

Go Now - Welcome to Pain

• The chapter title itself is hilarious.
• This line during one of the tutorials:
  Prof. Reality: You can try X to defend yourself against objects that society has thrown away.
  • The Tutorials in general have some good lines. For example, during Mr. Krump's battle:
  Goombell: Battle, Sir! Find a way to nut this week, right?
• According to Goombell, Mario is a toaster.
  • Professor Reality's reaction to Goombell revealing Mario is a toaster.
    Professor Reality: WHAAAT??? Hummina hubicasta hipi hipi hoobida hammala... Nope.
• Goombell's obsession with saying "I came" starts here. You better get used to her saying that at least once per section, since it's practically her catchphrase.
  • Speaking of Goombell, her introduction of what the overworld blah does has her tell you Goombe Goom always deceives and kills people.
• Prince Peach and Toadsworth apparently came to Rogueport to collect taxes.
• Going around Rogueport for the first time talking to everyone is an interesting experience since everyone is so quirky. The newsboard is also hilarious, especially the graffiti corner, which is often filled with crazy rambling.
• Zesso's reaction to breaking the contact lens: she demands your soul.
• This is where you first encounter the Fuckin' Goomba in the sewers tutorial battle.
• Goombell's Blah on Fish:
  Goombell: Ahem... It says: "Goomba is up." ... this is wonderful!
• During the encounter with the first Cursed Chest, Goombell doesn't seem to be paying attention.
  Goombell: What do you think about the city?
• The first map updating cutscene at the door: Apparently, the Crystal Star signed up in its own magic show, and Mario learns special dances.
• After visiting the door, Professor Reality asks Mario if the Princess of Peaches is a she or he. He also tells Mario to destroy Prince Peach through the power of the Crystal Stars.

Section 1 - Dragon City

• The mayor of Bad Fortress just randomly admitting that he eats people while in the middle of telling Mario about Hoko Saba. He also calls you an asshole without provocation.
• When Carbon first tries to join Mario's band, he changes his mind and says it's just a forgotten uterus.
  Goombell: OOOOOO-K… Weird… What do you think it is? Discuss your problems!
• The quiz you get from the Quiz Thwomb is, unlike the Paper Mario quizzes, a terrible trainwreck that is seemingly designed to be impossible. To put it into perspective, here's the very first question:
  Super Quiz Super 65 Quiz: First Question? For what, for whom, in place? A-Stone Lock B-Crystal Star C-Princess Fishing D-Stone Picked
  • Getting one answer wrong out of three gives you this insult:
    Quiz Thwomb: Mmmm hmmm no ha! WRONG! Bad is not right! Dumbass!
  • And when you inevitably fail this blatantly unfair quiz, the enemies you are forced to fight are called "Bullshit".
    • Just before the fight, the Quiz Thwomb declares this to be an "excellent headline opportunity".
• Heavy Gold in Fort Shhwonk praises Mario for the specialness of his website while criticizing him for foolishly loving eternal salvation.
  Heavy Gold: I'm sorry, bitch! But if we have one love for eternal salvation, that is wrong!
• During the conversation with Koo Koopie shortly after Carbon joins the band, we get this gem:
  Carbon: I know, Koo Koopie. But I want to be hard. For you...
  • Carbon in general is a good source of humour, especially with all the threats that he'll end his father and burn down Petalburg, his ability is called The Shell (description: Fly the shell against all enemies on Earth), and then there's the this line:
    Carbon: I want to ask something, you can say nothing, but I have a bad word.
• Everything about the second Damned Chest Mario encounters in Hocktail House.
  • It first talks about how it's been passing the time while trapped in the chest (that, or it's laying out some Schmuck Bait to convince Mario to open it):
    Damned Chest: I have been a long time, I started making a spa that you haven't visited.
  • Once freed, surprisingly, the chest not only curses Mario, but tells him that he'll "feel a slow and painful rectum". And then we get this gem:
    Damned Chest: Oogly-Fake Balls-BOO!
  • Before the chest teaches Mario how to use Paper Mode:
    Damned Chest: No hello! Fuck you! Who blamed me? You can not!
  • And finally when the chest leaves it gives us this:
    Damned Chest: Poop, hello!
• One of Goombell's Blahs says Carbon is MAN at driving Blu-Rays.
• If Carbon is your active party member when you first meet Mr. Mowz, he apparently tries to woo him/her with poetry. If Goombell is, she insults Mowz throughout the conversation and calls him unpleasant.
  Carbon: Uh, okay... It is the blessed tree and I, Christ, as you are the stars.
• Hoko Saba is a giant dragon who apparently tries to be homosexual when she's in a pinch. Also, when she dies, she remarks that she wanted to do the dishes.
• The fact that Koopley seems to be aware of Carbon's intention to kill him when the two reunite.
  Koopley: Hello, son! It's incredible to meet you the last time!
  • He also tries giving Mario a warning just before he gets the first Glass Star:
  Koopley: Now I came! I will accept the answer. But do not cooporate with Carbon. Please!
• "After Mario and his friends defeated Hoko Soba, the castle won an Oscar."
• As Mario and his partners are preparing to leave Bad Fortress, the mayor tells Carbon that the city will always be in his heart and that he can always come home... only for Carbon to admit that he's not planning on coming back.

Section 2 - The Best Bolly Beauty

• When Mario first finds Make in Rogue Harbor Sanitary, he will ask if Mario and his feast are killers. One of the options? "Piss off, nerd!"
• Belda's response to Viviana showing off the necklace she found is to ask if she was wasted.
  • The absurd things Belda yells at Viviana when the latter screws up their introduction:
  Viviana! You are poop!
  I see two, but you're here and are a HORSE!
• Beldam's threats in the base game about trying to take the map from Mario are turned much darker here, as she explicitly says "Mario and his friends can not live."
• When getting close to the big tree the first time, Make tells Mario a bit about the history of his people:
  Make: I already told you. This is where we live in punishment. Of course, we are not alone in the tree. Many apples and pizzerias.
• Sir Snow's reason for deciding to join the party.
  Sir Snow: You need a dumb man to have all sorts of problems and want to keep you safe.
• Each of Mario's Feast partners get a different message when they join the party, and out of all of them, Sir Snow's is probably the strangest:
  Blaze your fortune?
• Toadette explains how the Best Shoes work:
  Toadette: If you press A in the exact spring moment, you do a rotation! Forever.
  • You are then instructed to "Press A Half!"
• Somehow, the Magnus von Grapple got translated to "Big Ass," resulting in hilarious dialogue and tattles.
• Upon picking up the Emerald Star, Mario is greeted with:
  You have a disease!
• If Carbon is the active party member during the scene where Mario and his team are about to leave, we get this line:
  Carbon: We will return. Hopefully not. But... now we go.

Section 3 - Explanation and Education

• Shortly after getting the "Enter Blimp" to gain access to Glitzville (with Carbon stating that he will take it), Mario receives an email from Carbon's father. It starts out normal (for Book of Mario standards), but then he says:
  Koopley: I want Petalburg back, Carbon.
• The partner reaction to seeing the Glitz Pit for the first time. Sir Snow outright says "Oh, fuck me! Good Place".
• Hawc Green is incomprehensible even by this game's standards, but special mention goes to the first time you see him. After effortlessly trouncing his opponent, he says that he "loves to think," threatens to tell someone's mother something unspecified, and rambles on about nothing that even remotely makes sense, and then, with an out-of-nowhere calmness, says that something "may be wrong in the fight against video games. Because I'll hurt you."
  Hawc Green: Anyone who walks in a deep diaper is very stomach!
• The advice Grubba seems to give fighters before their first battle:
  Grubba: Don't worry about the war... There will be cake!
  • ANYTHING Grubba says in this chapter is gold. His wrestler name for Mario? General Gunsales. And then after a bunch of rambling that honestly sounds like he is permanently living as his wrestling commentator persona, we get this:
    Grubba: Hello, we want everyone to die at least once!
• One of the members of Top, the team Ranked 15 in the Pitty Glitz, has this to say before your match:
  Lakin: We want to invite you to introduce yourself as a bitch!
• The text bubble that pops up when Mario receives his bonus for getting into the major league: "30 MONEYO!"
  • The scene you get when you first get money is a good one too, just for how it's presented:
    Jolene: This is the price of war, Mr. Gunsales.
    In-game text: You got 3 coins!
• Goombell's constant uttering of this line in battle:
  Goombell: I came, Mario! You finna!
  • Taking Goombell into the Hawks Green fight will have her say THIS:
  Goombell: Wow, we really did it! And listen to this excitement, Mario! Love you! Can we get a bigger cock?!
• All of X's e-mails end up seeming like spam mail that Mario and his partners somehow keep finding meaning in.
• If Browser wins his ambush fight, he'll...take a shower.
• When Mario is hiding in the vents and Grubba hears him and asks if anyone is there, none of the responses available are particularly stealthy:
  Shout!
  I am!
  Explosion!
• The partner dialogue to finding the gladiators who have been sucked dry. Sir Snow just exclaims "What the fuck is this?"
• When Grubba walks in on you finding his secret plans, he shouts in surprise before trying to act casual.
  Grubba: GULPITY GRAN CALL! How are you, son?
• If Carbon finds Grubba's machine documents, he thinks it makes perfect sense, but then calls Grubba a fool for not going far enough with the plan.
• The end of section narration says Grubba used the Star Crystal power to drive a car.

Section 4 - For Beginners or Experts

• The constant mention of helicopters throughout the section.
  Mario defeated a Dog Helicopter and found a crystal star.
• The shopkeeper of Afternoon City mentions something about a Ninja Plague.
• Goombell seems to sense that "Mario" is acting out of character and wants him to go back to being a Heroic Mime.
  Goombell: You are a chatty boy, Mario... DON'T TALK!
• Viviana explicitly tells Belda she wants to punish her. Belda uncharacteristically brushes this off as Viviana being "tired and very angry".
• Viviana's recruitment into the party.
  Viviana: My God, you have a worse problem than me!
• Doopley wavers between breaking the fourth wall almost constantly and speaking complete nonsense.
• Peach's post-chapter email has her order Mario to "use [his] power to control the world" and that he has to make his "terrible plans", seemingly forgetting that he's trying to save the world.

Section 5 - The Key to Pins

• When Flavio asks if everyone is not fine, the one member of the crew who isn't on the boat says: "I'm in the boat."
• Big Bob's absolute mess of a backstory. His wife either died of illness, was a sailor herself and died on the sea, or was murdered by Bob for being disloyal. If Goombell is with you she says it's the worst story she's heard in her life, while Carbon says it's the reason he's depressed.
• Flavio is apparently full of terrorism, and sets sail for the United States with a ship full of bombs while singing about explosions. Then when they make landfall, the most important thing they do is to make wooden bathrooms.
• Patch PA's odd interest in pants.
  Patch PA: (arguing with Flavio) What are you talking about?!? You're one of the boots, Quaker-think-pants.
  Flavio: ... Wait. Did you just say that the big Flavio would be "overwhelming pants"?
  Patch PA: The concept of trousers! Luxury pants! Nice pants! Sophisticated pants! Pants!
• The Chuckola Cola to wake Bob became "Cut the Neck," which made Fatguy703 and the chat absolutely lose it as it turned from waking Bob up to killing him.
• When Flavio asks his crew, "Who thought I was going to explore the skull?", everyone agrees to him accompanying Mario, with one Frog saying, "You're dead to me."
• Cortze sums up her problems:
  Cortze: I'm dead, asshole!
• Immediately after defeating Cortze and becoming her friend, when Mario and Flavio need her help she says she forgot about them. Then Flavio says if Mario fails them he'll throw him into the sea where he'll never be found.
• It's completely possible to go through almost the entire chapter, with nobody mentioning the orgasm catchphrase (outside of the stranded toads, though the way they say it makes sense with the original context of the scene) and with the chapter boss in sight, only for Cortze herself to shout that "I came! With clear water!", which raises several questions...

Section 6 - 3-Day Period

• The chapter title is hilarious if you consider its anatomical connotations.
• The Excess Express became More Coffee Machines, a train known for its drunkenness.
• Honesty Prof tells you this section should be a little easier since you get to ride the Coffee Machine, however, there is a sniper!
• Just how rude Detective Pennington is. Seriously, he is SUPER rude to you, even when you're supposed to be assisting him.

• The ghost's diary is called "The Day of Wrath" and can apparently end the War, but trying to read it kills you.

Section 7 - Mario Love Moon

• All of the dialogue boxes involving White's deep sleeping have been changed to make it sound incredibly passive aggressive.
• Taking Viviana to the Moon has her swear in excitement, say she never thought she'd love counting, and then ask what the Moon is. Mr. Mowz says he thinks he'll never be back on public roads for some reason.
• The sheer amount of hyper-focus on The Moon. You fight an enemy called The Moon ON The Moon.

• Goombell gives a non-sequitur when confronting Big 2.0 and asks if they picked up one particular duck.
• After defeating Big 2.0, Mario gets the final glass star...only for the game to contradict itself.
  Lost a crystal star!

Section 8 - Year of the Year

• Pretty much everything about Representative, Hoko Saba's brother, who speaks in Antiquated Linguistics, freaks out when he thinks Mario ruined his boyfriend, and wants to rob his sister for life and then dance on Mario's legs. He also apparently works in real estate, and his charged attack is called "MEETING!"
• Some of your partners have some choice words after defeating the Shadow Army.
  Sir Snow: Leave these assholes, Mario...
  Admiral Bob: Let's get cancer, Mario...
• Sir Grodan reveals he is the leader of the Nazi Community. Carbon tells you he looks great.
• The Queen of Shadows is surprisingly affable for being a 1,000 year-old demon and is very curious about Grodan and Mario, particularly what diseases the latter has.
• After being requested by the Queen of Shadows to become her servants, Lil' Fat straight up calls her the N word!
  • The refusal option is called "Reject the witch!", while the accept option is "Become her employee."
• Using Goombell's Blah on the Queen of Shadows' first phase will have her scream the "I came" to end all "I came"s.
  Goombell: Do not think of it as a fool! We just have to fight to the end! I CAME!!!
• Yoshi, Goombell, and Mowz all talk about being able to hurt the Queen of Shadows like running a business and expect her to pay them. Viviana, on the other hand, tells her to die, Carbon says "You were talking? Payment time!" and Bob is a rambling mess.
• If Bob is your partner after you beat the Queen, when he inspects Peach he reassures Mario that she's good and to not hurt her.
• What your partners have to say when Mario is leaving. Most of them suddenly act like they can't stand Mario and tell him to never come back, while Carbon is the only one to say something positive.
• Goombell's ending narration has her ask you to guess what Carbon did, then says the mayor of Petalburg wants to be safe despite Carbon being there.

Peach Interludes

• Sir Grodan being INCREDIBLY dismissive of Peach because she's a woman, therefore her opinion doesn't matter.
• Peach was apparently arrested before the game began.
  Peach: I can't believe I'm arrested again.
• Peach's first conversation with TEC:
  Peach: You're crazy. Like a cop who takes care of the bastards.
  • The computer IMMEDIATELY tries to hit on Peach, by telling her the circles in his upper part of his brain are dirty and very hot for her, also the wrist is not connected to his processors. He also has the best car in the world. She is then told to touch his keys. Peach's response?
    Peach: All right, let me give you a blow.

Browser Interludes

• Browser's big entrance in the Section 1 interlude: "Get your husband, boys!"
• Right at the beginning, Browser is told that Mario drives a very nice car. That's right, his entire reason for going rogue and destroying his back is because Mario has a Luxury car.
• Browser mentions that his evil plan is always worse because the store is always closed, and then decides to go rogue to destroy his own back.
• The Section 6 interlude reveals that Browser is a fake made out of glass, which completely shocks him. This ends up making too much sense in 64 when it's implied the real Browser is dead.
• Hawc Green's reaction to getting crushed flat by Browser? "Bol."

64

General

• The Intro Cutscene that plays when you're on the start menu long enough. It's a good gateway into how silly Book of Mario 64 gets, and ends with the narrator outright asking "what are we doing?"
• The funniest part of this whole hack is that somehow, there managed to be a CONSISTENT STORY going on in the background among all the crazy stuff if you bother to look for it.
• Nobody can consistently get Mario's name correct, calling him things like Mary, Maryland, Batman, and Tarzan Mario.
• The Crests are worth a look, since you can get things like Racist Crest and Runs Well ("Mario calls his father to increase his force by 2"). Since Runs Well encourages a Danger Mario Crest build, you will constantly hear the low Heart Point beeping, so Mario REALLY might be calling his dad for power.
• Paul's Quizzes. Amongst all the really random questions and the hilarious answers you can give, it just feels like sometimes he's trying to tell you something and you have to read between the lines. For example, in one question he asks:

  Paul: Vecalius, Invictissimi, what is the color on the roof of a house with human skeletons and should be heard?

  • The fact that Google Translate managed to make Chuck Quizmo, a minor character from the original game, into a major player in the plot with his quizzes now revealing parts of the story, to say nothing of his role in the final battle.
• Goverman's Gossip ability is also worth some laughs since it is apparently powered by his hatred. For example, he really hates fish, to the point where he calls fishing a farce. Also, the in battle description for it is: Ask for Enemies credentials and take HP courses.
  • Goverman's hatred of fish becomes even funnier if you remember that in Thousands of Doors, Goombas are known as Fish.

Open Start - Star Contract

• Mario and Lewis are invited to a party at the castle by an apparently blind Princess Peach, which raises the question: How did she write the letter?
• Lewis tells Mario that the princess is expecting, likely implying that Peach was pregnant throughout the entire game.
• The guard in front of Peach's room is a negative neurotic mess, and when he lets Mario in there, Mario falls in love with Peach's fireplace, and becomes confused over a framed picture of himself.

• Browser apparently didn't expect his flying castle to pick up Peach's castle as well. The conversation then nosedives because apparently, Browser and Mario have had a bad break-up and this is the entire reason the starting fight happens.
  • The Star of Rodin apparently also sends Browser's feelings haywire, as he has a rollercoaster ride between violently denying his feelings for Mario, to declaring the Star of Rodin will make Mario perfect and nobody will ever leave Browser again.

——— POST INTRODUCTORY PROLOGUE MOMENTS ——

• Mario is told to create a Star Conference Team for the Stellarvinden.
• Goverman's entire family in Vila De Gooma being ENTIRELY sheltered, extremely right-wing conservative Christians. They lived in a fake house for most of their lives, and have a gate named Jeff... Who is then promptly the first casualty of the war.
  • Grampa Goom also spends the entire garden tutorial section churning out good lines, as he tells Mario the yellow block is a troublemaker and can't be here. He also offers to give you his SUV.
  • After Jeff dies, Goverman says "Maybe we should f'." an unintentional reference to the "Press F To Pay Respects" meme.
• Captain Mr. Trooper being the chairman of the KSD. He also actually runs back to tell you he MIGHT be back after you beat him, just in case his promise of actually coming back to fight you falls through.
• After the Mr. Trooper fight, hitting the Heart Block to heal seems like a good idea...until the game says:
  By clicking on this block, HP (Heartrate) ends completely.
• After you return to the village and Goompa gives you a gift ("It's for you, Energy Dance Crest!"), he offers you a tutorial on how to position and drop said Crests. You can accept the tutorial to laugh at the nonsense it tells you, or you can refuse the tutorial...by repeatedly asking why you should listen to it until Goompa gives up. Somehow, this "Yes/Why" answer box always appears for tutorials throughout the game...and only for tutorials.
• Goverman's entertainment description: Press (down) to have him talk so people leave their nearby places. If interested please contact us!
  • He also cannot attack or Headbonk, but he CAN tell the enemy's features and HP using only his hatred and wit.
• Before you leave, Goombape tells you to "Be woke, Be cool. A calm spirit is smarter."
• King of Goomba has a rather interesting battle cry.
  King of Goomba: Are you ready for my ass, Mario? You'd better be!!
  • The names of his two flunkies is worth a mention: Goomba Gorm and Goomba Cock. They also tell King Goomba that Mario touched them to get inside the fort.
• After the bridge that Goverman is surprised at seeing (It's a REAL building, unlike his fake house), Browser and Kamopa are attempting to get over Browser's issues with Mario, and Browser asks if the spirits don't have a way to exploit Mario because there's no way Mario could REALLY hurt him, right?
  • Also, the fact that Browser and Kamopa aren't exactly sure if the Coop Notes (Koopa Bros) actually have a job, remain skeptical the entire time, and Browser outright calls them retards by the end.
• The first time entering Frog City, a Toad walks up to you and tells you the city has exploded. Despite all the buildings CLEARLY still standing.
• The News Bulletin board. The news today? The Beach has High Rape! And then, it talks bout Princess Peach's Castle. This becomes funnier just a little later, since trading Star Mass has them be classified as Rape, so it's an INCREDIBLY misleading article.
• When you reach the hill that the Star Conference is meeting at, according to the Stellarvinden, Browser rebounded from his bad relationship with Mario and won the Princess.
• Tinka's tutorial policy is a hot mess full of contradictory information. Also, the Magi Coop wants a raise from Kamopa, which was actually in the vanilla game.
  • If you refuse Tinka's tutorial (by repeatedly asking "Why?"), he says that's excellent, because he didn't even want to explain it!

Section 1 - Fortuna Koopa Records

• The Koopa City is called "Almost" on the sign. The Koopa that greets you tells you the city is in turmoil over hair, and when his shell gets stolen (it turns out to be his house) and then returned, he says he owns you.
  • The shop's description when selling items is "We sell Limes". The shopkeepers reaction is to say "Well, I'm stuck with you."
• The house with the radio has a bunch of good stuff in it - A Bob-omb tells you Islam is bad because it requires fear, and the radio recommends you go constantly with slaves.
• Corporate's introduction. He tells you the most important wild life is to escape with the money, that he can't stop menstruating, and asks you to help find his hat. When you get it back for him, he tells you he has to understand the value of taking care of the bodies.
  • When he joins you, he calls to witness the end of all things, and you apparently join Corporate instead of the other way around. Press (down) to throw yourself and go to the object or go away. You can use Wrestling Shell Dread or Power Force to attack the enemies of Earth. Also, when you check what Power Force actually DOES in the menu, it turns out Corporate just drops the enemies' cup on the ground.
• The Smokers themselves are incredibly rude to you: They call you a bitch and threaten to give you a disease.
• After getting rid of the Smokers, you have a chance to talk to Paul and start the quiz sidequest. He yells out YOLO. His first question:

  Paul: So we have a question! Issues. What is Goverman? A-Gobout B-Goombaline C-Goombar

• Going to Koop Kotu's house. When he asks you for help, BOTH of Mario's answers are "No". He rambles on anyway, and tells you that although women don't require treatment, if you ask the US state of Colorado women will be forced to borrow money. His entire quest line has the conversation follow this exact trend - of Mario saying no, but the old man rambling on about women anyway - over and over again.
• The United States is mentioned in this chapter as a place where they work 24 hours a day, apparently necessitating the No Sleep medal to be able to get some rest.
• The Coop Notes themselves have a few good non-sequiturs, like claiming they can delete the ground when the situation is bad for them, that firmly establish EXACTLY why Browser and Kamopa were skeptical of them. Not to mention what their names are: Great Cop (Green), I'm Afraid (Yellow), I'm Scared (Black) and I'm tired (Red)
  • Goverman's Gossip on I'm Scared gives us a special gem
  Goverman: He is black. Black man is homosexual...
• Bowler is apparently in charge of the Office of Management and Budget. She talks about how there was a Bomb Uprising after the Coop Notes took over. After joining, she claims she can't tell you what to do, and then she tells you what to do anyway.
  • When she joins the game tells you to go now and destroy! Also, when Bowler is in battle she can attack enemies on the floor with body mucus.
• The End of Section narration: Mario has hands and new friends.

——— POST SECTION 1 - PRE SECTION 2 MOMENTS ——

• The Stellarvinden's energy star tutorial: He tells you he can't explain it, but that's only because of how much of an absolute incoherent rambling mess the tutorial is. Also, he tells you the reward for saving the 7 Stellarvinden - one pump station, and a letter/e-mail.
• Bombing the outside wall of the Benteg Coop Note fort to access the pipe leads to a chest that contains... the Racist Crest.
• Mr. Trooper's encounter when he turns into his egg from: he declares he's never seen anything like this before, and now arms are useless. Goverman's Gossip thinks he looks comfy.
• The names of the cooking recipes. For example, cooking Shoes gets you a Sex Room dish.
• Tinka's incredibly unhelpful message to Mario before they leave.
  Tinka: I have to go back to His Majesty. She is dead! I hope this message will help!

Section 2 - The Secret Remains Dry

• The fact that all the place names sound like a weird film trilogy. Seriously, we have 'Dry and Dry', 'Dry too Dry' and 'Dry Dry Dry'. Who knew there could be so many films about how really dry this Section is?
  • The description for Dry and Dry (Dry Dry Desert): "As the name suggests, dry. Absolutely dry, dry dry here saying the place is dry."
• Parakarius's introduction. Apparently, they just GIVE him letters - he's not even a real postman. Goverman outright says he has some problems. Returning the letters to him actually sorta proves Goverman's point, too, since he wishes he could be rewarded for YOUR help.
  • The join message tells you to celebrate Parakarius. Press (down) to get Mario, who is short. The in-menu description says that he'll only put Mario down again when he is pregnant.
• Colorade's archeology dig. He's apparently changing Dry Chemical Wastes to find Dry Chemical Dishes.
• Finding the upgrade block in the oasis. It is apparently called the Super Cabinet now, and the skills it gives out sound interesting, with Corporate gaining Circle Guns and Goverman meeting the master and obtaining the ability to DOWNLOAD THE INFINITY OF TIME.
• Muststaf's conversation: He heard you want to wipe the plaster, and the gem he gives you is called Heart Rate.
• Full Coop, the boss of Section 2. He can't seem to decide whether or not he wants you to go away, and according to Goverman he had founded a Chomp volunteer center that had been seriously assaulted.
• The Exit Section narration tells you the Stellarvinden Nurse is a talented Star Ghost scholarship holder. It also ends asking "Where are my adventures running, where am I?", like the narrator isn't even sure where the story is going.

——— POST SECTION 2 - PRE SECTION 3 MOMENTS ——

• Nurse tells you she can't go to star port, so SHE'LL save Princess Peach. The upgrade she gives Mario: His power can now be used by a midwife.
• Colorade is angry he didn't find any chemical waste and tells you that Smash is very old.
• Paul's quiz questions almost always pay out either in hilarity or suddenly dark theme questions, and his introduction every time you talk should tell you all you need to know:
  Paul: KAAAAAAAA! Paul is the favorite of all!
  • A good example of Paul questions:
    Paul: Demand. What is Goverman used for? A-Hop B-Rumours C-Drowning
    Paul: Issues. What colour is different from Lewis Pantallona? A-Blue B-Green C-Green
    Paul: Issues. What is the name of the mental illness in Frog City? A-Trust B-M.T.Smarr C-Bakkar
    Paul: Who are you? How much money do you need to buy Koopa City? A-2 coins B-4 coins C-8 coins

Section 3 - "Inappropriate" Tubbs

• The fact the haunted forest is called Eternal Hell. The directions to get through the forest are also incredibly unhelpful and you're straight-up told that if you take the wrong path, then you should have figured out the right path earlier.
• The mansion itself is called the Bumpie House. Also, the semi-guarded treasure is Body Fat.
  • Buying something from the shop has the shopkeeper tell you that "It has a lot of sex."
  • When getting the shoe upgrade, the game say they are great shoes, but Mario is too old to jump.
• Garlic's entire introduction. Her butler just blurts out that Satan will save their friends, but Tubbs Fat apparently beat him by eating Space Food. The Stellarvinden just tells you trouble reports are all he's good for, and that is a female scholar, and Garlic has seen a lot of suffering in Dubai, and she has children.
  • Her join message is "Amazing Party - I don't like it!". Nobody's gonna notice you, however if you click (down) you can not die (you usually come back). You can use Real Vision to be very clear and avoid abusive attacks. The menu description is even better - apparently Garlic just makes an invisible law to stop attacks.
• The Boos in town apparently ate Herbet. Garlic announces love should be abolished and her plan to defeat Tubbs Fat involves breakfast programs.
• The various partner dialogue you get when caught by the UFO enemies in Tubbs Fat Fort, especially Corporate, who talks about wasting the court.
• The talking key, Yakuki, has a filter feature for Tubbs Fat's chat section. Also, the full name of "Inappropriate" Tubbs is Saint Tony Tubbs Fat.
• The fact that Tubbs Fat plays a surprisingly great role in the Section, and never becomes unlikable despite all the weird facts that surround him: He went to prison, devoured grease buckets to be on the news, and he's elastic. He also has the largest boy's body and is sensitive.
• Koro Tubby (Tubbs' heart) says it's not a secret his body is irresistible. He also supports Manchester United.
• Apparently it was Garlic's plan all along to break Tubbs Fat by ruining his mental tranquility. Seriously, she's SO MEAN to Tubbs Fat you feel sorry for the guy.
• The exit section narration this time: By solving the Invincible Riddle of Mario Party, they created the spirit for free. Also, the place the boos live in is called Jerk Gulch and Garlic is the last member of the game.

——— POST SECTION 3 - PRE SECTION 4 MOMENTS ——

• After Section 3, a Bumpie implies Tubbs Fat has passed on, with his ghost still performing eating challenges with real gold. A different Bumpie holds out hope for his return and calls him a beautiful Victorian.
• The Stellarvinden you rescued, Scientist, still doesn't know what to do. He gives Mario the ability to make use of the ocean to make up for it. He also wants you to keep a secret: he will ALWAYS be lost in the woods.
• Mr. Trooper's encounter has him freak out over worms.
• Frog City's info: Bandits steal forgotten concept. Apparently, Tim - a shy person - left the network and tortured Frog City. Many are listed in the theft, and residents are encouraged to bring their own material.
• The Shame Boys stealing from the post office: The German Koopa in charge is unsure how important the bag is, despite it containing accounts, cards, and packages.

• Lewis has a newspaper called "The Official Lewis" and all the entries are called "Edge".

Section 4 - A Job In The Toy Fields

• The gang of Shy Guys running rampant in town is called the Shame Boys. Also, Govermen HATES these enemies (with the exception of Anti-Man, whom he considers a Worthy Opponent) and never has anything nice to say about ANY of them.
• Shy Guy's Toy Box became the 'Stupid Guy Guy Box'.
• Somehow the Blue Station got translated to 'Green Song', meaning there's ''two'' Green Stations.
• Kamopa's reactions to placing the things Peach talked about: It's THE perfect Mario ride, and she will definitely come back.
  • If you got the enemies, they too have interesting non-sequiturs, with the Clubb telling his club to find her husband.
• Anti-Man's conversation - he tells you to stay away from the body, and Fight is the option to NOT fight him.
• Picking up the toy from the storeroom. The description reads: Greatly designed game. Can it be more than one game?
• Talking to the Fat Guy before having a cake. His first words are to say EVERYONE is food. He then tells you any food you give him is too sophisticated to be eaten: he likes to eat bread with a bad reputation.

• The stolen items you can return and the reactions to returning them. Seriously, the calculator becomes a Pocket PC, which is actually a bathroom remote of all things.
  • You can get a wedding invite that you can't read.
• You can get new information on the news after giving items back about Prague City Tour. It actually sounds like a decent tourist attraction too! Also, the underground news has Browser's minions complain about how GOOD Mario makes them look.
• The last station is called the Red Army Station.
• The Lighthouse God is such a creep, he says he loves you and will take you in the dark. Also, Smoke calls you crazy for blowing up her lantern prison.
  • Her join message: Smoke will join the concert! During the war, the enemy can be surprised by Electro Drift. The Super Cabinet's message is Smoke's upgrade turbo dominates the burden of powering Mario.
• Common Man's pre-boss speech. He just tells you he doesn't like people and yells "I WANT TO LOSE?" The boss banter is also good.

• Common Man's waves of troops have hilarious names and tattle logs. The Shy Squad became the Child Squad and are all named Timmy, Stilt Guys became The Boys and if you attack them the world will tremble, and the Shy Stack became the adorable Comfortable Pile, who don't know how to fight but make up a balanced dish.
• The exit section narration reveals that the full name of the gang is Shame Boy Tough Gang. Three stars of the spirit are waiting for their salvation, but such is life.

——— POST SECTION 4 - PRE SECTION 5 MOMENTS ——

• Tinka comes in when talking to the Stellarvinden, Muscles and casually asks if they haven't forgotten their name. Muscles carefully avoids this question and leaves before things get too awkward.
• The news tells people that Mario escaped Star Prison. Also, on the back is a message from Cop Kent claiming he knows you stole from him.
• Giving back the stolen items reveals just how ridiculous some of the NPCs in Frog City are, plus what's in the letters - for example, a Mario house letter from the shop man offers you a 0% discount, and delivering the cookbook to TAYCO D offers even more ridiculous recipes.
• The whale that takes you to the island claims to be a Holy Father, but Goverman insists he's a bicycle. Also, you get a small preview on how badly Colorade's mental degradation will get.
• One of Koop Kotu's favors post-Section 4 turns into a political thriller. A Bob-Sha with a crush on Bowler creates a lot of noise in the neighboring house and causes the Kingdom of Fungi to cancel the Bob and OMB Alliance Brothers Arce, a government seat. Koop Kotu requests something be done, and Bowler visits the house and tells one of the rowdy Bob-Shas to kill the one with a crush on her, clarifying he's not her husband and she doesn't want politics to stop. Afterwards, the noise level returns to normal and the Bob-Sha cries over Blockbuster Video closing down, though the alliance is still canceled.

Section 5 - Lava Is Hot

• The Captain Obvious title, for starters. Then there's the fact the area, Laval Ava Land, is also called LavaLava LavaLava Iceland.
• The Baby Yoshis are apparently much more competent than the adults, and are in charge of various functions of the village.
  • Talking to all the Yoshis in this section is a hoot - one adult asks if you have drugs and tells you they can do without Sushiya looking at the kids. The stuff the Baby Yoshis come out with when you rescue them is also good.
• Hurt Plants became Malware Factories, with their Gossip revolving around troubleshooting to stop them.
• Colorade begins his slow decent into insanity around the time you rescue him and find the volcano - apparently, he's drugged, which probably explains why he thinks volcanos are ancient research sites. But he won't give up - a good researcher never collects information!
• Sushiya ran up a tree because she was embarrassed. What does she say when you hammer her out of the tree? "Oh shit, I'm safe." She also doesn't have anything to say to you, and you must stay far away.
  • Sushiya's join message reads "Sushiya is done with the party!". Press "100" to jump in the water, in the fight you can release your stomach or lower your enemies with spray. By the way, the menu tells you her basic attack is called "Stomach Ulcer".
• After Mario saves the Yoshi kids, many of the adults talk about sex and having children, while the blue Yoshi kid tells Mario to burn in Hell.
• The Raphaela have a few good one liners like "extend your leg", and according to Goverman the big one is a forest ranger. He's also apparently extremely lazy since it's not HIS problem you can't find your way to the volcano. You get the impression the reason he's helping Mario is because he wants him to hurry up and leave.
• Colorade just yelling out "BITCH!" in his excitement at having a way into the volcano. Also, all of his dialogue inside the volcano is pretty good, since apparently the treasure is his girlfriend now.
• The Rock that allows you to upgrade your partner a second time. The upgrade descriptions are just as good as before, and then there is the names: Corporate can get HELL (he is burning - attack all enemies on the floor with a flame foam), and Sushiya has an attack called Vaginal Toll.
• The Pirahna Plants apparently being mechanical considering their warnings and such. Also, Piranha's Life yells out "FUCKING FUN SET!"
• The Exit section Narrator delivers once again: He asks why should you find the treasure Colorade needs.

——— POST SECTION 5 - PRE SECTION 6 MOMENTS ——

• Colorade loses what little sanity he has after losing the treasure. Also, the island is very dangerous due to Browser's absence. The Stellarvinden then allows Mario to measure things. They leave after telling you you'll see the true Lord soon.
• The Yoshis also have new dialogue now that the volcano has exploded, and they are still not exactly there, especially the Yoshi Chief, whose assistant informs you he had a stroke and then laughs at him.
• The news talks about Cop Kent setting up on the bridge. He asks you to give him 100 pounds (he's really sorry, but whatever), and the option to fight him is called "Away".
• The Bulb-Ulbs' dialogues when they talk to you is pretty great, and the Magic Seeds are named things like Merry Seed, Witch Seed, and Son's Vote. Goverman says his brother speaks Floro KG, letting him understand the language.
  • The hints Sain-Minh gives to find the seeds aren't helpful at all. She tells you that that the four seeds have been approved by the local authorities, and she is here. Then she rambles about a GPS. Tattling her and the Frog in love with her reveals her name and the Frog have been detained in Ho Chi Mihn City T.
• The Playroom is apparently divided into two warring countries, and completing the F'Smash Attack game has the Frog tell you "Life has ended."

Section 6 - Flowers And Dark Flowers

• The entire section apparently takes place in a ghetto for plants. For example, Petunia only wants pills, the door guardians have entirely nonsensical complaints about being stupid doors and wanting to smoke, and Crazee Day Sea's music is offensive.
• The Puff-Puff Machine became a pastry machine that makes green chocolate and desserts, and was apparently recycled out of a car.
• Wisewood complains about Huff N. Blovas giving them clouds and sunny sun. He sends you out to get magic cereal. Honestly, anything Wisewood says makes him look like he's becoming more senile by the second.
• All the flowers are terrible in their own ways, with many of them being constantly sex-crazed. The blue door guard smokes, the red one is an arrogant dancer, the yellow one is mostly normal but thinks the berry is a bishop, Petunia wants mania pills, is aroused by the Monty Moles, and collected seeds at flowers' funerals, Posium keeps talking about noses, gossips about Rosie, and gets off when Mario hits her tree, Lilyk asks Mario to give her rock water and seems to be high, and Rosie says it's been hundreds of years since he last saw feet and when he finally gives up the Wasserstein says Lilyk was saving him.
• The little dialogue between the two Lakitus in the hedge maze. It can be summarized with "Are you sure I'm not mental?"
• Ceramic's intro, battle and post-battle dialogue is pretty good for being a hot mess. The message for when Ceramics joins the party? "Happy Birthday!!" Spicy eggs can invade their peak performance during the war. His first upgrade is called "Nine Pants".
• The flowers' reactions to trashing the pastry machine fall into them getting extremely high off the sunlight, while Petunia cheerfully says you can get shot somewhere.
• You can check the Frog Town news before the boss to learn that Mario has had a Magma brain freeze.
• Huff N. Blovas dies from Possum Disease, which immediately spreads across the land as he explodes.
• The exit Section narration this time: Mario and his party asked Huff to blow the sixth star. It can be very nice to see a Princess Axe, maybe. Wait... Kamopa and Browser are really worried... Save them.

——— POST SECTION 6 - PRE SECTION 7 MOMENTS ——

• The Stellarvinden of this section is called Kevin. Mario, it is time to reuse the spirit of star energy, and in the middle ages you can put time and stop all enemies on your tracks.
• The new newspaper article is called The Secret Files - Doors Report Child Interdimensionalizs.
• In the e-mail, Corporate can get a letter meant for the human skeleton Invictissimi (who you only find about about if you've been doing Paul's questions).
• Doing the Dojo sidequest gets unique Goverman's Gossip about all your party members (by letting Wind turn into them). The Dojo was apparently founded by The Lord to train your body and mouth, and the ranks you get are pretty hilarious.
  • Before the final fight with The Lord, he says that he will not do anything.

Section 7 - Hard Mirror of the Soul

• The Penguin town is called Involved City. The penguins themselves have some decent things to say, especially before the murder is solved, when several of them admit to being part of a criminal group.
• The "Closed-Room Murder" scene. The Mayor's wife decides you're her man now that the mayor is dead, the investigation turns up the Market Penguin crime syndicate led by Lao Sin, and then there's the resolution to the case, where the president reveals he hit Herringvai's head, but Herringvai says he hit the president's head and kills Market Penguins on the side. In other words, unlike the vanilla game, there is a murder mystery going on.

• The Duplighost ("Two-dimensional souls") dialogue for when they try to impersonate your partners. It's EXTREMELY obvious who the real Corporate is because the fake calls you "Idiot Mario" and uses the wrong name.
  • Goverman's gossip when the Duplighosts copy your partners. For example, if they copy Goverman himself, he tells Mario to stop loving him and that he's done.
• Merlina telling you you have to find Birmingham. You also need to get a rock star to the Presidential Palace.
• Most of the Duplighost dialogue inside the Christian Palace: They are TERRIBLE at impersonating Bowler. One of them offers to give you blows. If you don't hammer Bowler, she tells you she wants to bomb the next time you go to bed, so maybe it's not THAT bad an impression?
• The Duplighosts impersonating Corporate look nothing like him, and if you whack the real Corporate anyway he complains.^note This gag was in the original game.
• The boss being called the King of Kings. He's also a Christian according to Goverman. The little glass bits he summons are also called Christians, and tattling them makes Goverman go on a tangent about having glass from a cup that he broke.
• The Exit Section message this time is INCREDIBLY OMINOUS: "Mario is saving the Palace of Christ as the end of the world is near. With seven individual souls, he has the right to defend Browser... and Star of Rodin. Simply put, it's time to fight Mario's Evil King Browser. Want to save a Persian and the Star of Rodin? Or do you want to be free forever?"

——— POST SECTION 7 - PRE SECTION 8 MOMENTS ——

• The Stellarvinden's name is Karl Marquez and gives Mario the stellar power to go away.
• Karl explains that the place where the Stellarvinden are waiting for Mario is named Victoria Harbor (Victoria Harbor). It has street names of Star Trek, and when you visit, Starway to Heaven will play eventually.
• During the letter sidequest Parakarius begins to undergo Sanity Slippage, all culminating with him telling Goombape to hang himself.
  • At one point in the letter sidequest, one NPC responds to being given a letter by admitting that he's a "registered letter offender."
• If you've been doing Paul's quizzes up to the end, he will be ready to give you his final question since we're reaching the End of Time: Question life.
  • The final question itself: "How many people still believe in stars?" The correct answer is "Seven", but all three options are pitifully low numbers^note "Five", "Seven", and "Ten".
• The Newspaper's headline is Shiver Dong - Mario teaches Kristal Palaco, Kappa was accepted by the minions of the devil and then it then rambles on about salvation.

Section 8 - The Star, What Was That?

• Everything comes together perfectly here - all the random things? All the actual "lore" tidbits you get in things like Paul's Quizzes, the mail, and the Stellarvinden's overarching plot? It all somehow ties in PERFECTLY into an actually high-stakes finale.
• Before the chapter itself starts, the Stellarvinden mention that they expect a "7-star alcohol". It actually turns into a bit of a Brick Joke, as just before the second phase of the final fight with Browser and the Star of Rodin begins, we get this line from Tinka:
  Tinka: Star Distinguished liquor. It will be able to help!
• Apparently, Mario has to be naked for the Star Star Star Ship to take him to Browser's castle.
  • The option for saying "NO" is even in Caps Lock!
• The Giant Stone Browser head is hilariously nonsensical in its attempt to delay Mario. You know you'll never be successful!
• The final Mr. Trooper Battle is pretty great, since he's actively trying to stop the war at this point, and Goverman reveals he's his spouse.
• Once Mario walks onto the power platform, Peach says that Mario should pay attention.
• The pre-final battle with Browser has some good lines: when the Star of Rodin's power breaks, Browser assumes there was a scam.
• The Final Battle itself. Kamopa reveals you weren't the hero at all! That's right, It was Browser ALL ALONG! The entire final battle is fought with Browser absolutely convinced Mario hasn't been following his own will, and it's actually incredible the game managed to make the final boss EVEN BETTER atmosphere-wise.
  • When Mario uses Beam Pexago during the final battle, he calls upon the power of Paul to stop Browser!
• The Stellarvinden's final appearance has them still be as unhelpful as ever. Star even tells you to get a job.
• Peach saying her goodbyes to Tinka in what's shaping up to be a genuinely heartwarming moment...
  Peach: I love help, Tinka! You've always been my star.
  Tinka: Princess Peach... I... I... I don't care. I'm also leaving.

——— POST-GAME FINALE - PRE CREDITS MOMENTS ——

• Lewis tells you how you feel about your own adventures, since apparently Mario has been back for several years.
• Showing what your various partners have gotten up to is also a treat. For example, Parakarius gives Colorade a letter that says: Do not return to your home, the clowns came back!
• This is the last chance you get to talk to the townspeople in the game, and they all talk about events that Mario apparently wasn't there for. Colorade's wife wishes death on you, T. Vann says "BREAST", and you have one final chance to read all your letters and read Lewis's newspaper in your house.
• The newspaper tells you Mario lost a beloved daughter.
• In her final speech of the game, Peach tells everyone that they have a fungus, and her chest is bottomless. Create a party, all!

Peach Interludes

• The very first interlude after the Star Conference (Section 0) has Peach wondering if Mario is bleeding. Also, Tinka refuses to help Peach in any way possible.
  • Becomes even funnier since the 'poisoned' message states that 'Mario is bleeding!'
• In the interlude after Section 1 ends, Peach tells Tinka she's hard and has to focus on homicide. If you leave the room via the door, the guard just says "Hey, wait here I'll be back". Also, trying to read Browser's personal blog is worth a few laughs because not only can Peach not read, everything written in it is incredibly mundane. Then after reading the Dry Dry Desert portion, Tinka says Star Wars is honored.
  • One diary entry written by Browser implies that the diary itself masterminded the plan of lifting up Peach's castle, which would explain why Browser was so surprised about it before the Open Start.
• The interlude after Section 2, Browser calls Mario Batman for some reason. Also, this is the interlude the introduces Tubbs Fat's various rumours, how much everyone loves him, and you can get the Runs Well Crest.
  • The magical ability of Peach's chest: You can put things in it, and then take them out again. Isn't this good? Peach also forgets where the stores are.
• After Section 3: Browser is really upset about the whole Tubbs Fat thing. He also asks what Princess Peach knows about her own weaknesses and that he's listening. Peach's answers make absolutely no sense whatsoever, but Browser DOES listen.
• In the interlude after Section 4, Peach straight up calls Tinka a bitch. The Fat Guy gives Peach's Kitchen a five star rating because it has a floor.
  • Later on in the interlude, romantic tension builds between the two until eventually, as part of the cookbook Tinka is reading, he says
    Tinka: This is the last one. Seduce me with cream and flowers.
    • And then there's the names of the ingredients: Cleaner, Box, Cream, Strawberry, Points, Mun, Halen, My Wife and Tea.
  • Gourmet Guy's reaction to eating the cake: "Really ooooooo!! It is wery good!!!!" After he's done bouncing off the walls, he gives the cake a rating: "Very good 7."
• During the Peach interlude after the fifth section, a Hammer Bro's dialogue at one point somehow got turned into a haiku:
  Of A Strange Princess,
  Do You Listen to Our Words?
  God Came to This Place.
  • The quiz they give you is also great - Not only is it almost as random with questions and answers than Paul's quizzes, apparently Browser uses Ecofuel.
• Post-Section 6 interlude with the magic umbrella, all of Browser's minions have something great to say. Nimmark is a secret weapon to win over Mario and a guard wants you to find tables.

---