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Fanfic: The Sacred And The Profane

"Suffer the little children to come unto me..."

Somewhere else, the happy ending was different.

The Sacred and the Profane by Afrai is a retelling of Good Omens canon with Aziraphale as the one who fell instead of Crowley. Don't worry, they're still instantly recognizable to anyone who's read the original book: Zirah is still a kindly, smiling bookseller, and Caphriel is still a sunglasses-wearing Deadpan Snarker dedicated to his job. They've just been translated through a dented mirror. The plot, while rather condensed, is largely faithful to the events of the book, but with a couple of necessary tweaks to match Zirah and Caphriel's characters.

Maybe you should worry. And keep a box of tissues by your side while reading.

It's still an excellent read for those who want to see the original canon in a whole different light.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

This fanfic contains examples of:

Affably Evil: Zirah
Alternate Universe Fic
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: "...Caphriel had a bizarre tendency to get upset over the slightest things, like murder and rape and duck torture."
Axe Crazy: Zirah
Badass Longcoat: Caphriel
Bilingual Bonus: Caphriel means "God is my redemption."
Dark Fic
Deadpan Snarker: Caphriel
Deconstruction
Determinator: Caphriel can't afford to give up.
Dissonant Serenity: Zirah
The Dog Shot First: "You hurt him!"
Downer Ending
Epiphany Therapy: "I'm a demon."
Eyes Never Lie: Both Zirah and Caphriel have this.
- Windows Of The Soul
- What Beautiful Eyes: Caphriel's eyes are kind and make humans instantly trust him...
  - Good Eyes, Evil Eyes: ...while Zirah's make humans scream in terror. Zirah doesn't seem to see it's just his eyes, though. He looks into dying humans' eyes to let them catch a glimpse of what's to come.
The Fettered: Caphriel
For Want of a Nail: ...all from having the wrong thought at the wrong moment.
Friendly Enemy: Of course, but in a much more painful, conflicted way than in the original.
Good Is Not Nice: Caphriel
- Caphriel was very nice. It made the story hurt more.
  - Positively angelic, even.
- He's kind, but he's not necessarily nice. He'll go out of his way to help anyone, but he might end up swearing at them.
Hannibal Lecture
Heel Realisation: The straw that didn't just break the camel's back, but Zirah's sanity.
Hero with Bad Publicity: Caphriel
Insult Backfire
Knight in Sour Armor: Caphriel
Like a Badass out of Hell: Zirah was up on earth because Hell didn't want him there, they're all scared of him.
Love Martyr: Caphriel
Mad Love: Caphriel and Zirah.
Meaningful Name: As noted above, "Caphriel" means "God is my redemption". The one thing that Zirah has been looking for all along.
Mirror Universe
Mistaken For Pedophile: Caphriel wears sunglasses and a long black coat and just wants to help people.
Murder Is the Best Solution
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Caphriel gets slapped for trying to help a crying child.
Noodle Incident: "When had he got the stick, anyway? In the fourteenth century, hadn't it been — he'd been given it by a carpenter he'd helped in a small matter involving a priest, three goats, and a rosebush."
The Nothing After Death
Original Flavor
Only Sane Man: Caphriel
Perfect Poison: "Drink your tea, dear."
Poisonous Friend: Zirah
Psycho Supporter: Zirah again.
Shoot the Dog: Caphriel's killing of Zirah.
Slash Fic
Sociopathic Hero: Zirah.
Sliding Scale of Idealism Versus Cynicism
Stepford Smiler: Zirah, denial isn't just a river in Egypt anymore it's mostly to convince himself that he never fell.
The Stoic: Caphriel
- Not So Stoic: after Caphriel kills Zirah.
Time Abyss: This is why Caphriel wears Cool Shades in this universe, his eyes are older than his face and reflect the suffering of millennia.
Trauma Conga Line
Truth in Television: Caphriel's reasoning behind wearing his sunglasses all the time is terribly similar to that of mild agoraphobes or people with social anxiety.
He felt a little better with their comforting weight on the bridge of his nose. They were a sort of protection against the world.
- Making his self diagnosis with clinical (suicidal) depression all the more awful.
The Unfettered: Zirah there's nothing you can do to him that would be worse than what has already happened and there's no Moral Event Horizon he won't cross.
Villainous Breakdown: Zirah
Well-Intentioned Extremist: Zirah
Who Wants to Live Forever?
Yandere / Cute and Psycho: Zirah
You're Insane