Fanfic: Equestria A History Revealed
Pictured: An Empire built upon a throne of lies and deceit.
"With the help of secret sources and Larry who lives in a box behind the donut shop, I have pieced together a history that no pony had dared to even think of."Equestria: A History Revealed
is a My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
fanfiction written by Hoofry Poneigher.
University of Canterlot student, Loose Change, has finished her magnum opus on the history of Equestria that Celestia doesn't want you to see. Revealing the true lies and the lie-truths behind the Celestial regime, the "threats" to Equestria, and all that is known of Equestrian history, Loose Change illuminates the path to truth for the (in her words) ungrateful halfwits who are too blind to see the light.
A glorious essay whose sources mainly revolve around the words of a hobo she befriended and the hidden clues on the bottom of Doritos bags; much to the dismay of her professor, Loose Change uncovers her version of the "untold truth" of Equestria, no matter how nonsensical and absurd it may be.
This story is presented as an utterly ridiculous retelling of the entirety of Equestrian history, written as an essay from the point of view of a crazed pony historian who is arrogant, conspiracy-obsessed, and most likely just all-out insane. From time travel to intergalactic space orgies, this story presents a view of Equestrian history that will certainly be remembered. It is also hilarious.
Not to be confused with A Brief History of Equestria
This fanfic contains examples of:
- A Wizard Did It: Used by Loose Change to handwave the historical issues regarding Clover the Clever and Starswirl the Bearded.
- Ad Hominem: Loose Change tends to resort to this when talking about actual historical experts. It's even referred to in text, albiet with the name Ad Poninem instead.
- Aliens Are Bastards: Apparently, aliens were behind the creation of Discord. Apparently, he was born through an alien intergalactic space orgy, which they only did for kicks. According to Loose Change, aliens are very kinky.
- Alternative Character Interpretation: The entire fic is practically built upon Loose Change's version of this, with varying hilarious results.
- Analogy Backfire: Happens at least once every few chapters, in which the narrator's poor analogies end up backfiring in her face and ruining the points she was trying to make.
- Ancient Conspiracy: Practically the entire concept behind the fic, in which supposedly everything in Equestrian history has a massive conspiracy behind it. In the very first chapter, Loose Change says the entirety of this Equestrian conspiracy stretches to Pre-Equestrian times to the present day.
- Appeal to Ignorance: Loose Change directly uses this fallacy at least once.
- Association Fallacy: This fallacy is directly responsible for Loose Change's reasoning of the Elements of Harmony being powered by dark magic. As the Elements represent pizza, and pizza is cooked by baking. Baking cannot be explained. Do you know what else can't be explained? Dark magic.
- Ass Pull: The ending to the fic's version of the Hearts and Hooves Day legend certainly qualifies as this, when near the end a giant ponyeating dragon suddenly descends upon high and burns every pony alive in the kingdom. But it's played for laughs though.
- Most of Loose Change's theories seem to fit into this, only occasionally having evidence often as a result of overanalyzing or her jumping to conclusions to justify her claims. Directly lampshaded when she states herself an explanation she provided seemed rather asspullish. She doesn't fix it though.
- Audience Monologue: Loose Change sometimes directly speaks for the audience, using the reader as a voicebox for rhetorical questions. However, the way she instantly shoots them down with extreme prejudice makes one wonder why she even chose to do this in the first place.
- Benevolent Conspiracy: Loose Change's insane conspiracy ramblings aside, it is hinted that she discovers some inkling of truth behind the truth of the regime and alicornification in Chapters 11 and 12. However, the subtext behind the conspiracy clearly implies its purpose was for the greater good of Equestria, as it prevented the complete collapse of the nation after the defeat of Discord, and restored stability to the nation by creating a central leadership figure for the ponies to believe in.
- Bias Steamroller: Describes Loose Change's attitude to opposing historical arguments to a T. No matter what kind of logic hoops she has to jump through, no matter how many absolutely ridiculous theories she has to come up with, she'll find a way to make sure her "truth" always comes out on top.
- Biting-the-Hand Humor: Loose Change directly belittles her professor, and swears at him a couple of times in-text. Her professor is supposedly marking the essay in its completion.
- Black Comedy: Some of the jokes can tend to be pretty dark, especially as it seems that Loose Change doesn't have much of a conscious when regarding some of the darker sides of Equestrian history.
- Black and Gray Morality: The supposed "good" (at least according to Loose Change) Equinus Republic is a clear example of this, as some of their actions have very clearly questionable morals.
- Loose Change is just as equally guilty of this, as she seems to agree with the Equinus Republic's logic most of the time.
- Blatant Lies: Used numerous times in her essay, from purposefully misciting sources, to Loose Change's ridiculously implausible theories which at one point, she does admit that she was making stuff up as she goes along. She unfortunately doesn't see the problem in this.
- Brick Joke: Certain jokes make a comeback eventually as the essay goes on.
- Captain Obvious: Many obvious things are sometime restated in-text by the narrator or even in the bibliography.
- Chewbacca Defense: Used very often early on, especially in Chapter 4, in which Loose Change attempts to confuse you so much with similar terms and insane logic that you just have the accept the confusion and move on, despite it not making a lick of sense.
- Circular Reasoning: Invoked by Loose Change, in which she states that if Celestia was willing to lie about the Hearth's Warming Eve Paegent first, then she would be willing to lie about the Hearts and Hooves Day legend too, as she would have experience in lying.
But if she lied about the Hearts and Hooves Day legend first, then she would clearly also lie about the Hearth's Warming Eve Paegent, as it held much greater significance.
- The whole exchange is lampshaded even further when she states that ignoring that, she reached a new shape of thought, one without a point, so she says to make a 360° back to the original point of the paragraph.
- Comically Missing the Point: Happens many times with Loose Change, who ignores obvious information right in front of her, to go off on a tangent on some minuscule, trivial thing.
- On the few times she does manage to potentially discover some kind of conspiracy in Equestrian history, she instead overanalyzes something meaningless, such as when she was convinced that word choice in a certain quotation was suspicious, and spent three paragraphs analyzing of the use of the word, "hellfire". She concludes it meant an evil fire.
- Confirmation Bias: One of the many biases that Loose Change is guilty of. One of the more prevalent ones throughout the work.
- She directly goes out of her way to ignore information that contradicts her claims, and even directly states a few times, that the rest of the "idiot historians" can be right occasionally, given that they match her beliefs. Her terrible reasoning skills in her essay, however, are thankfully Played for Laughs in-universe.
- Conspiracy Kitchen Sink: It's what Loose Change most certainly believes in. Whether or not it has any truth to it is up to debate and the reader's abject trust in the narrator.
- Hints at conspiracies are present in between the lines, but they certainly are not to the extent Loose Change would like them to be.
- Conspiracy Theorist: Loose Change and Crazy Larry definitely qualify.
- Crazy Homeless Horse: Her only friend, Crazy Larry. It's even in his name.
- It becomes a problem when Loose Change seems to ignore most legitimate historical sources in favor of the words of her friend and crush.
- Critical Research Failure: Loose Change fulfills this trope in spades. To her credit, she does do research, but she blatantly ignores what is stated in favour of her own opinions, going as far as to cross out sections of quotes that don't agree with her view.
- Cruel Twist Ending: The end of the Hearts and Hooves Day legend certainly qualifies as this.
- The fact that this was supposedly the canon legend that the CMC read on the show only makes the point that much more diabolical.
- The name of the book itself should have tipped somepony off, as it was supposedly titled "How the Sea-Pony Wished Upon a Star and Unknowingly Started Racial Prosecution Under An Emergent Fascist Regime: A Collection of Filly’s Tales and Legends That Start Off Whimsical But End in Destruction and Death".
- Demonization: Loose Change tends to demonize Celestia much more than she deserves, even in comparison to actual evil, and she calls her logical and rational decisions the work of pure stupidity and wickedness.
- She seems to go out of her way to demonize Celestia every time she gets, even when in subtext, it is made clear that Celestia is one of the few good guys in the fic.
- Department of Redundancy Department: Loose Change definitely does this a few times. A source in the bibliography is literally titled, "Redundant Things Are Redundant, and Other Truths".
- Derailing: Conversations are often derailed by her train of thought. At one point, she even debates on the science behind breaking a camel's back before managing to return to her point.
- Ditzy Genius: The genius part is obviously subverted though. Despite Loose Change's apparently entrance into the supposed prestigious University of Canterlot, she is shown to be almost excessively stupid with gaping holes in logic. Somehow, despite this, she still is able to write 16+ thousand word chapters with proper spelling and grammar. However, she most likely just barely got by in her classes overall, given her unprofessional demeanor.
- Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory: Everything is a symbol. Even certain word choices from ancient sources.
- The fact that she can find and actively searches for meaning behind everything ties in with her Conspiracy Theorist nature. It also makes for a very entertaining essay.
- Expospeak: Loose Change clearly had access to a Thesaurus when trying to make herself sound smart. The sentence just ends up being mostly unintelligible.
- Extended Analogy: Loose Change uses this all the time to explain her theories, tying together two unrelated things and using it as proof of their relation to each other.
- Fanon Discontinuity: Interestingly subverted. Despite the subject matter promising a change in what is known in Equestrian history and the absolute madness surrounding the narrator's theories, because the show never revealed much regarding its history, if one was to accept Loose Change's conclusions at face value, it would still fit within the confines of the show, albeit giving it a very weird backstory.
- Fantastic Racism: In an in-universe example, it does seem that the binds of racism do run deep in Equestria, and does cause social and political unrest a few times.
- The narrator of course, is herself a great example of this trope, and goes as far to put down the other races while raising Earth ponies up on a pedestal whenever possible. She also seems to have an irrational hatred of griffins, goats, and a whole bunch of other races. This trait of hers is played up for laughs though.
- Feigning Intelligence: Loose Change tends to be more about having the appearance of knowledge rather than actually having any knowledge of her own. And even that doesn't work most of the time.
- It doesn't help that the fic is supposed to be her academic essay that's she's submitting to her University, and any hopes of her maintaining academic professionalism and integrity are gone by Chapter 2. She still maintains that she's "smarter than the rest of those traditionalist historians", despite clear evidence that she's not.
- Freedom from Choice: Loose Change states that Celestia had indoctrinated such a thinking into Equestrian society as a whole. Of course, she then sees it as her duty to re-educate the reader of the "truth"
- Fun with Acronyms: The real-life author tends to do this sometimes. Not all of them seem to have meanings, such as the "Celestia Watermelon Friendship Surprise", but others, such as the United Royal Indomitable National Equestrian forces have obviously been carefully crafted together.
- Strangely enough, it seems as though nobody in-universe realizes the unfortunate acronym of the latter, with the narrator only noting that it seemed excessively extravagant and longwinded. Played even more straighter when Princess Luna directly calls them by that name.
- Government Conspiracy: According to Loose Change, everything is a government conspiracy. They've been sending her subtle signs of their history to toy with her. Little do they know, Loose Change is going to reveal the "truth" to the world, whether the world wants to hear it or not.
- Hand Wave: Literally invoked when Loose Change says that most flaws in logic can be handwaved by the work of wizards/magic.
- Given that they do live in a world of talking horses and magic unicorns, technically, it does make sense.
- She repeats the same thing regarding inconsistencies in history, handwaving it off as the work of timetravel.
- Hitler Ate Sugar: Invoked in a way. Loose Change reasons that she doesn't understand the scientific process behind baking a cake, and therefore, sees it as something that cannot be explained. She also reasons that dark magic cannot be explained. Therefore, baking must be a representation of dark magic. It gets worse from there on out.
- In-Universe: This entire story is written in-character by the character herself in her own state of mind, in-universe. It is as meta as it sounds.
- Infodump: As a historical academic essay, this is prone to occur. Of course, given Loose Change's strange ways of thinking, the accuracy of this infodump is very sketchy.
- Insane Troll Logic: Loose Change uses this in spades. Often used throughout the text to explain what logically should not make sense.
While [Starswirl] was researching his time spell, in the past I might remind you, he could have traveled back into the past (but he was in the past as I reminded you), therefore allowing two of him to exist at the same time.
In order to avoid confusion, he adopted the time clone as his son and named him, “Starswirl the Bearded”
. Of course, the time clone would age much slower because of de magicks
, so this Starswirl the Bearded, (who we shall name Starswirl the Bearded, to avoid further confusion) was able to rise to obscurity in the Pre-Classical Era and live up to the early Classical era a century later. It makes perfect sense.
- Insufferable Genius: Subverted in that the main character certainly sees herself as one, but she's mostly just insufferable.
- It Makes Sense in Context: Most of the conclusions reached by Loose Change, without context, are extremely absurd. Of course, with her jumps in logic and insane overanalysis, even with context, it doesn't help matters too much.
- Just Ignore It: Sometimes Loose Change takes this approach when citing sources that clearly contradict her own theories. At her worst, she demeans the opposing author's intelligence, and crosses out the offending text with a strikethrough.
- Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Loose Change considers herself a prophet of academic knowledge, spreading the truth to the hapless readers as she sees fit. In actuality, most of her knowledge comes from her crazed hobo friend and her conspiracy rattled mind.
- Lampshade Hanging: The real-life author tends to lampshade some of Loose Change's more erratic behavior, and even makes a few digs at themself.
- Lemony Narrator: If one thing can be said about this fanfic, it's that it takes a unique approach to its writing style. Extremely unconventional, both in storytelling-structure, and in professionalism as expected from an academic essay, it manages to be both of those things while being different in itself.
- In this case, not only is the narrator a character in the story in her own right, it can be argued that she is the only character. Other than the glimpses of history that can be gleamed from quotes and references from other ponies, Equestria's history is mostly seen through her eyes, and it is through the journey in the eyes of this clearly not all there pony, that the story turns a supposedly dry essay into a thrillride of laughter.
- Less Disturbing in Context: Loose Change says genocide sounds all well and good. It makes sense in context; it was just the way she worded her sentence. She seemed to be aware of this however, and went out of her way to ask the reader not to quote her on that.
- Literal-Minded: The narrator certainly fits this well. She tends to analyze minute details behind word choice in an attempt to find some hidden meaning,
- However, this is not always the case, as sometimes she ignores the literal meaning for a more symbolic one. She really tends to go either way depending on what supports her way of thinking the best at the moment.
- Logical Fallacies: Loose Change is the walking embodiment of this.
- Love Potion: According to Loose Change, this was used by Discord en masse to cause the downfall of the Equinus Republic, culminating in a giant orgy from the ponies in parliament. It is meant to be taken as Squick and with as much questionable validity as it sounds.
- Master Race: The narrator props up her own race as the superior race while demeaning and insulting the pegasi and unicorns.
- Partially subverted in that as is seen by the text, in history and in biology, it seems as though Earth Ponies are actually slightly inferior. But it's not like data has ever stopped Loose Change's logic before.
- Metaphorgotten: Loose Change often forgets the point of her metaphors, or worse, gets lost in her train of thoughts, and continues on with the metaphor as though it was the point itself.
- Mixed Metaphor: Loose Change directly lampshades the fact that she mixes up her metaphors. Not that she cares too much mind you.
- Narcissist: Loose Change perceives herself to be the best historical essay writer alive. She's also very self-centered and seems to care mostly about herself.
- No True Scotsman: The narrator thinks she is the only legitimate historical essay writer, and dismisses all of the works of real pony historians as false. She even calls herself the one true historian in Equestria at one point.
- Noodle Incident: When discussing the supposed orgy that brought down the Equinus Republic, the narrator states that a reason why such an event was kept quiet was most likely to prevent a resurgence of the orgy craze from ten years ago. While it sounds as though such an event would be Exactly What It Says on the Tin, the way it is so casually thrown in there makes one wonder what the backstory to that event must have been.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Played straight in the essay's abstract and several times throughout the essay. Though given the essay is about conspiracy theories, it is somewhat justified.
- Subverted later on when the author reveals she's been making up most of her essay as she goes along. It's okay though, she crosses it out.
- Offscreen Moment of Awesome: The narrator interrupts the big climactic Battle of Canterlot right before it begins so she can take a quick bathroom break. Once it cuts back, the battle had already ended.
- Out with a Bang: Literally, in regards to the mass orgy that caused the downfall of the Equinus Republic. The author even makes a pun about it.
And so the Equinus Republic went out not with a whimper, but with a bang. Several of them probably.
- Played for Laughs: The entire concept of the fic is played for laughs, as a parody of the professionalism expected from a historical essay.
- Most of Loose Change's logic and pride are played for laughs as well. However, as the story continues, it seems as though even certain elements of Equestrian history are naturally funny, and as such, invoke this trope too.
- Product Placement: In a Stealth Pun as stealthy as getting hit by a truck, Loose Change invokes this trope with the word "Hot Topic", which is of course followed by a tiny "Buy MLP Shirts Today!"
- Directly referenced in the bibliography as a message paid by the Hot Topic corporation.
- Punny Name: Loose Change, Hoofry Poneigher, most of the authors listed in the bibliography all have unashamedly punny names.
- At a point, the bibliography has a field day with crystal puns before promising to stop.
- Retcon: Loose Change has a habit of crossing out sentences as soon as they disagree with something else she's saying. It only points out her alterations of facts even more.
- Revenge Fic: Even through all of Loose Change's blatant hate and bias against Celestia and her regime, what is presented clearly demonstrates that Celestia was more than competent in ruling the nation than Loose Change would have you believe. It gets to the point where it seems that some chapters and facts were simply written to get some comeuppance against Celestia, even though it never works.
- Rewrite: The narrator unashamedly rewrites history and facts to suit her goals and interests. At one point she even admits to it, but it's not as though she sees anything wrong with it.
- Running Gag: The story tends to have a few gags that don't pay off until a much later chapter. As such, sometimes a good memory is required.
- Secret Police: According to Loose Change, Celestia has all sorts of different secret polices.
- Loose Change fears the dreaded Fallacy Police. Apparently they're watching her, waiting for her to slip up. Good thing for her, Loose Change reasons that she's had no faults in logic in her essay so far so she should be fine. But given the absurdity of the statement, it stands to reason that their existence is highly questionable.
- It is hinted that Celestia might have had a secret police during the Classical Era. But the name that Loose Change gives the organization, "Celestia Watermelon Friendship Surprise", casts doubt into this validity of this claim.
- Serious Business: Loose Change takes history very seriously. If you could say one good thing about her, it seems like she has a passion for history. It's just a shame she doesn't share such a passion in logic or professional academia.
- Sex Sells: With regards to the fall of the Equinus Republic, Loose Change's reasoning behind why Celestia had to keep such an event quiet was that if ponies realized that democracy led to sexy orgies, they would totally support it, or at least pay bits for it.
- Shocking Swerve: The ending to the Hearts and Hooves Day legend certainly counts as this. And by the title of the book it was pulled from, it seemed like there are many more legends just like that one.
- Shout-Out: "Loose Change" is the title of a prominent 9/11 Truther film
- Sidetracked by the Analogy: Happens multiple times in the story. It makes you wonder why Loose Change goes out of her way to make analogies in the first place.
So it might be best to take this source with a pinch of salt. And maybe a little parmesan. Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.
- Skewed Priorities: The Equinus Republic demonstrates this by banishing all of its political critics to Tartarus, the Pit of Monsters. Loose Change justifies their opinion by stating that they couldn't allow the critics to stay, or they would lower national pride. And then what would become of all the money they poured into the Equestrian Games?
- Loose Change then points out that if the money on the games was wasted, it might as well been used for some stupid, like feeding the starving population.
- It seems like this trope seems to fit the Equinus Republic in general, as they spent weeks debating the simple creation of a road before throwing out the case all together, while approving the abolishment of penalties for homicidal evisceration in less than an hour.
- Small Name, Big Ego: Loose Change sees herself as a better historian than any other pony, despite still being a student at the University of Canterlot.
- Apparently she has sold some of her previous essays as books, but they're obviously not doing too well, given Loose Change has to blatantly advertise them in-essay.
- Speculative Documentary: This entire fanfiction is practically a written version of this, only with more leaps in thinking and Insane Troll Logic.
- Speculative Fiction: Loose Change often speculates on things that might have occurred in history. However, she does have the common sense to point out she has no evidence of such a thing occurring, and it's mostly just her speculation. Nonetheless, she reasons that because it makes sense in her mind, then it must be true anyways, so she'll just present it as truth.
- Stealth Pun: The author seems to love doing this even more so than the actual writers of the show. If there's a word that can be substituted for a horse pun, you can bet it'll be used. Not even the bibliography is exempt from this. The sources are chockfilled with bad puns too.
"Ravished by civil wars up the ass (no pun intended, the deciding battle was fought on Donkey Doodle Peak), and saddled with the responsibility of repairing the broken nation, the new griffon government desperately needed supplies and help."
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: Invoked by Loose Change when she states her biography of King Sombra was not at all copied off from Ponipedia. She still italicizes the source like it was properly cited though, bringing it to even greater attention.
- The Horse Behind the Horse: Apparently Celestia has been behind most significant events in Equestrian history, even the ones she wasn't in control of. Of course, given this claim is made by Loose Change, it may not stand true in-universe.
- They Just Didn't Care: Loose Change has a very lax approach to essay writing, getting drunk towards the end of Chapter 3, not wanting to write any more praise for Princess Celestia, instead, inserting her self-authored haikus in their place, and literally admitting to lying to her professor and cursing him in-text (while he is supposedly marking it).
- Time Travel Tense Trouble: Due to Loose Change's take on time travel, and method for dealing with the Starswirl inconsistency, this tends to happen a bit throughout the essay.
- The Mockbuster: Talonzania's sources seem to be guilty of this, ripping off other publishers and books, as seen in the Bibliography.
- The Power of Friendship: Subverted. Loose Change doesn't believe this at all, and actually takes the real world's message of the show as a part of Celestia's "pro-friendship agenda". This is problematic as most of the major conflicts in the show are solved by friendship. But she finds another way to interpret this instead.
- The Remake: In a lost analogy Loose Change calls Equestria under Celestia a remake, and goes into a brief reviewer style rant against the flaws of the film.
- There Are No Coincidences: Loose Change believes this to the point of using Insane Troll Logic to justify her theories.
- In Chapter 10, Loose Change reveals that she was motivated to write this essay because she found a Celestia-shaped Dorito chip and was convinced it was a sign, invoking this trope.
- Too Dumb to Fool: Used to explain how the Earth Ponies didn't fall for Celestia's lies like the pegasi, because they were mostly amazed by the fact they had working outhouses. Subverted in the sense that the narrator plays it up as a sign of their superiority.
- Loose Change seems to think she subverts this trope by seeing the clues of conspiracy that she thinks Celestia hides in history. But most of the time she's just overanalyzing.
- Unreliable Narrator: Loose Change is without a doubt, one of the most unreliable narrators to ever be featured in a fanfiction. Her tendency to present her conspiracies as fact is both disorienting and highly amusing as well. But it is this nature of hers that the entire concept of the fic centers around.
- It is possible to get a glimpse of actual Equestrian history through her eyes, wading through the enormous fallacies and insane conspiracy theories she presents. But the fic mostly consists solely of Equestrian history as seen through her eyes, whether the reader wants to accept it as accurate or not.
- Viewers Are Morons: She certainly believes the readers are morons, and that it is her duty by writing this essay to "enlighten them". She also directly calls them stupid a couple of times in the essay too. But it's not that the readers are actually morons, but rather she thinks so strongly about herself that compared to her genius intellect they simply can't compare.
- Well-Intentioned Extremist: According to Loose Change, Discord is an example of this, at least when compared to the "ultimate evil" of Celestia. Given she says this at the end of a chapter describing all the suffering that occurred during his Age of Chaos, this makes her claim very questionable, especially when Celestia's regime doesn't seem to do anything as obviously destructive as his.
- What Do You Mean, It's Not Didactic??: It seems Loose Change needs to learn this, as she picks apart benign things and events for evidence. So far, she has analyzed: the wordchoice of select sources, what rocks can represent, cited a cereal box, and made a far-fetched leap in logic to relate Celestia to Italian food, when a cooking book mentions "the elements of a good pizza"
- What Do You Mean, It Wasn't Made on Drugs??: Subverted. Though many of Loose Change's observations seem to be so farfetched that drugs must have been a factor, other than the few chapters where she does get drunk, her conclusions are usually the product of her own crazed, conspiracy addled mind.
- Actually, it is revealed much later on that she borrows some of Crazy Larry's pills. She seems to think that they're pills to make you smarter though.
- Wild Mass Guessing: Done in-universe. Loose Change often resorts to this when she has no explanation for certain events, or even uses it as evidence for her explanations themselves.
- 100% Adoration Rating: Apparently Celestia had this up the wazoo during the Classical period. There was so much universal praise for her that it caused Loose Change to replace sections of her essay with her haikus, just because she had enough of referencing the pro-Celestia sources.