Fan Fic: The Misery Senshi Neo Zero Double Blitzkrieg Debacle
Where do we begin?
First published in 1998, Peter Guerin's infamous Crossover
between popular teenage Dramedy
and similarly popular children's action series Sailor Moon
is difficult to explain succinctly. The plot opens with the titular character of Daria
being drafted by departing Sailor Mercury Ami Mizuno to take her place on the team. Before you can say "Worst Casting Ever", Daria is in Japan and struggling with being a Sailor Senshi.
Meanwhile, there are three
major terrorist organizations worldwide all attempting major attempts at world domination. First off, the nationalistic Japanese terrorist group NIRAA led by ex-Nazi Dr. Helmut Vander Helffen and his companion Amazana Yoriko, seek to depose the reconstructed post-war government of Japan via stealing a single prototype fighter jet (the Neo Zero of the title). Next up, the Lawndale Militia, a right-wing American para-military group seeks to control Lawndale, Texas, during their huge football game with Highland, Texas. This one
game is apparently a major
world event, since it also attracts Akbaar El-Salaam, an Islamic fundamentalist who seeks to hijack a passenger plane and crash it into the Lawndale High stadium during the game. Said football game also allows for Beavis And Butthead
to join in on the fun, except instead of being amusing losers as in their show, they are violent rapists in this story.
Oh, and there's some Gary Stu
superhero named the Solar Warrior who runs around doing things that eventually have relevance to the story.
The fanfic became extremely notorious for its wildly out of character interpretations of every cast member, its nearly impenetrable plot, and especially its massive length. The story was so long it even included an appendix
that explained every single joke or reference the author could think of in the story, lengthy (and laughably inaccurate) essays attempting to tell the reader about Japanese history, the multiple shows referenced, and even the author's views on politics and Howard Stern
. It was followed by a sequel, Return Of The Lawndale Militia
, and a prequel, Triumph Of The Retart
, all three of which ensured Guerin's permanent infamy in the fandom.
The fanfic received a similarly massive MST led by Matt Blackwell, and can be found here.
The original fanfic in all its archived glory can be found here
, in its final revision conducted in 2010. The revision contains minor edits and an apology as to the potential insensitivity of the Islamic Terror subplot.
- Artistic License – Military: The author tries to assure his readers that all the planes are fact-checked against a series of information sheets, but some of the more important bits slip through. Like how Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution doesn't mean Japanese planes have to let civilian craft be destroyed by Soviets.
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: The non-American, non-canonical cast members have very awkward names. "Amazana Yoriko" is the chief offender, as even the author admits he simply took a non-Japanese word and tried to make it "sound" Japanese.
- Attempted Rape: Beavis and Butt-head spend most of their screen time trying to rape Quinn.
- Author Appeal: A lot of references (and outright scene lifts) from other movies and anime that Guerin was a fan of.
- Born-Again Immortality: The Solar Warrior has been reborn for several millenia as hundreds of different historically important people. Of many different nationalities and ethnicities - his list of past lives includes the first emperor of Japan, King Arthur, Irish revolutionary Michael Collins, and Apartheid Era martyr Stephen Biko of South Africa. His current identity is a Japanese office worker.
- Celebrity Resemblance: Did you ever notice that Quinn looks like Renee O'Connor, the actress who played Gabrielle on Xena: Warrior Princess? Guerin has. And he shares that knowledge with his readers. Frequently.
- Contrived Coincidence: Akbaar seems to rack them up. Not only does he choose the exact same target for his terrorist attack as a completely unrelated terrorist group, but he bumps into Daria when she leaves the airport and of all the flights he chooses to hijack, he picks one going from Tokyo to Berlin...the same plane with Ami Mizuno on board.
- Don't Explain the Joke: Advice the author should have taken...as every single joke is explained to the reader in case they didn't understand it.
- The Dragon: Yoriko to Dr. Vander Helffen.
- Homage: The story contains a number of sequences lifted completely and wholly out of other works, whether they make sense or not. For example, Usagi putting her clothes on while wearing nothing but her panties is extremely raunchy for the type of humor used on Sailor Moon, but not Project A-Ko, where the scene is lifted from. The author clearly intends the scenes to be jokes or references as he points out each and every one of them in the appendix.
- Gratuitous Japanese: Characters regularly shout "BANZAI!" Sailor suits are called "seifuku" or sometimes "seirafuku", depending on what the author feels like (note that the latter should actually be two words). And yes, what gets kept and what doesn't is apparently at random.
- Groin Attack: One of Daria and Ami's favorite tactics in this story.
- Herr Doktor/Mad Scientist: Dr. Vander Helffen.
- Instant Awesome, Just Add Ninja: NIRAA apparently only hires ninja spies.
- Loads and Loads of Characters: The fanfic already crosses over three series with established casts and tries to use every member of them. On top of this, the story drops truckloads of new characters into the universe, all of which serve some importance.
- Male Gaze: The literary equivalent - the story will not stop talking about the female characters' breasts.
- Nazi Nobleman: Dr. Vander Helffen.
- Obligatory Swearing: Everyone swears now whether they should or not. For example, Usagi's mother wakes her daughter by yelling "Usagi, you lazy bastard!"
- Office Lady: Yoriko initially poses as one to get the Mitsubishi Neo-Zero prototype for NIRAA. Also, she appears to be one for NIRAA, though Guerin seems to think that any woman in a suit is an OL regardless of their actual function in an organization.
- Retcon: Makoto Kino's backstory is retconned from her parents dying in a normal plane crash to being shot down by Russian terrorists. This serves no relevance to the story at large.
- Reverse Mole: Ryu Chang is the SDF's plant in NIRAA.
- See You in Hell: Said so frequently by Yoriko that it's practically a Catch Phrase.
- Talk to the Fist: Yoriko shoots Sailor Moon out of the sky during a speech. In a scene played perfectly straight!
- That Reminds Me of a Song: The Neo-Zero has a CD player (in a military jet? Wha...?), and Yoriko likes to play various songs (which we get the lyrics of) during combat. Weirdly, despite being an immortal Japanese radical, she only ever listens to American alternative rock.
- Took a Level in Badass: In their own series, Beavis and Butt-head can't even beat up each other, let alone anyone else. In this story, they're strong enough to overpower adults whenever the plot requires it.
- Tyop on the Cover: The original version of the story misspelled Daria's name in the title of the story. This was corrected in the 2010 update.
- Western Terrorists: The Lawndale Milita is a typical Right Wing Militia Fanatic group, based on articles Peter read in the mid-90s describing the sovereign citizen movement. Unlike many examples of these tropes, the Western Terrorists are simply one of many groups, as opposed to being a less controversial alternative to Muslim terrorists.
- Word Salad Title: The title does describe the story, but in a rather obscure and confusing way.
- Writer on Board: The story often stops to have characters parrot what are clearly Peter Guerin's views on history and world events.