Fan Fic / The Misery Senshi Neo Zero Double Blitzkrieg Debacle
Where do we begin?
First published in 1998, Peter Guerin's infamous Crossover
between popular teenage Dramedy
and similarly popular children's action series Sailor Moon
is difficult to explain succinctly. The plot opens with the titular character of Daria
being drafted by departing Sailor Mercury Ami Mizuno to take her place on the team. Before you can say "Worst Casting Ever", Daria is in Japan and struggling with being a Sailor Senshi.
Meanwhile, there are three
major terrorist organizations worldwide all attempting major attempts at world domination. First off, the nationalistic Japanese terrorist group NIRAA led by ex-Nazi Dr. Helmut Vander Helffen and his companion Amazana Yoriko, seek to depose the reconstructed post-war government of Japan via stealing a single prototype fighter jet (the Neo Zero of the title). Next up, the Lawndale Militia, a right-wing American para-military group seeks to control Lawndale, Texas, during their huge football game with Highland, Texas. This one
game is apparently a major
world event, since it also attracts Akbaar El-Salaam, an Islamic fundamentalist who seeks to hijack a passenger plane and crash it into the Lawndale High stadium during the game. Said football game also allows for Beavis And Butthead
to join in on the fun, except instead of being amusing losers as in their show, they are violent rapists in this story.
Oh, and there's some Gary Stu
superhero named the Solar Warrior who runs around doing things that eventually have relevance to the story.
The fanfic became extremely notorious for its wildly out of character interpretations of every cast member, its nearly impenetrable plot, and especially its massive length. The story was so long it even included an appendix
that explained every single joke or reference the author could think of in the story, lengthy (and laughably inaccurate) essays attempting to tell the reader about Japanese history, the multiple shows referenced, and even the author's views on politics and Howard Stern
. It was followed by a sequel, Return Of The Lawndale Militia
, and a prequel, Triumph Of The Retart
, all three of which ensured Guerin's permanent infamy in the fandom.
The fanfic received a similarly massive MST led by Matt Blackwell, and can be found here.
The original fanfic in all its archived glory can be found here
, in its final revision conducted in 2010. The revision contains minor edits and an apology as to the potential insensitivity of the Islamic Terror subplot.
- Artistic License – Military: The author tries to assure his readers that all the planes are fact-checked against a series of information sheets, but some of the more important bits slip through. Like how Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution doesn't mean Japanese planes have to let civilian craft be destroyed by Soviets.
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: The non-American, non-canonical cast members have very awkward names. "Amazana Yoriko" is the chief offender, as even the author admits he simply took a non-Japanese word and tried to make it "sound" Japanese. Dr. Helmut Vander Helffen is supposed to be of German nobility and a German-born Nazi, but he possesses a name that is a strange mash of a German given name and a badly constructed Dutch surname, suggesting Guerin took a similar approach to this character as well.
- Attempted Rape: Beavis and Butt-head spend most of their screen time trying to rape Quinn.
- Author Appeal: A lot of references (and outright scene lifts) from other movies and anime that Guerin likes.
- The story's plentiful references to breasts are hard to imagine as anything but this since they never serve any other purpose.
- Born-Again Immortality: The Solar Warrior has been reborn for several millennia as hundreds of different historically important people of many different nationalities and ethnicities. His list of past lives includes the first emperor of Japan, King Arthur, Irish revolutionary Michael Collins, and South African Apartheid Era martyr Stephen Biko. His current identity is a Japanese office worker.
- Celebrity Resemblance: Did you ever notice that Quinn looks like Renee O'Connor, the actress who played Gabrielle on Xena: Warrior Princess? Guerin has. And he shares that knowledge with his readers. Frequently.
- Contrived Coincidence: Akbaar seems to rack them up. Not only does he choose the exact same target for his terrorist attack as a completely unrelated terrorist group, but he bumps into Daria when she leaves the airport and of all the flights he chooses to hijack, he picks one going from Tokyo to Berlin...the same plane with Ami Mizuno on board.
- Don't Explain the Joke: Advice the author should have taken...as every single joke is explained to the reader in case they didn't understand it.
- The Dragon: Yoriko to Dr. Vander Helffen.
- Homage: The story contains a number of sequences lifted completely and wholly out of other works, whether they make sense or not. For example, Usagi putting her clothes on while wearing nothing but her panties is extremely raunchy for the type of humor used on Sailor Moon, but not Project A-ko, where the scene is lifted from. The author clearly intends the scenes to be jokes or references as he points out each and every one of them in the appendix so you can marvel at how much 80s and 90s anime he's watched.
- Gratuitous Japanese: Characters regularly shout "BANZAI!" Sailor suits are called "seifuku" or sometimes "seirafuku", depending on what the author feels like (note that the latter should actually be two words). And yes, what gets kept and what doesn't is apparently at random.
- Gratuitous Ninja: NIRAA has spies... NINJA spies. There is absolutely no difference between a "ninja spy" and the other normal spies we see in the story, but son of a gun, one pops up just so the story can work ninjas into its big soup of random Japanese culture.
- Groin Attack: One of Daria and Ami's favorite tactics in this story.
- Herr Doktor/Mad Scientist: Dr. Helmut Vander Helffen isn't just a mad scientist, he's HITLER'S mad scientist, sustaining himself on his secret immortality pills!
- Info Dump: Dr. Vander Helffen and the Solar Warrior both give lengthy speeches where they reveal their origin stories.
- Loads and Loads of Characters: The fanfic already crosses over three series with established casts and tries to use every member of them. On top of this, the story drops truckloads of new characters into the universe, all of which serve some importance.
- Male Gaze: The literary equivalent - the story will not stop talking about the female characters' breasts.
- Nazi Nobleman: Dr. Vander Helffen.
- Obligatory Swearing: Everyone swears now whether they should or not. For example, Usagi's mother wakes her daughter by yelling "Usagi, you lazy bastard!"
- Office Lady: Yoriko initially poses as one to get the Mitsubishi Neo-Zero prototype for NIRAA. Also, she appears to be one for NIRAA, though Guerin seems to think that any woman in a suit is an OL regardless of their actual function in an organization.
- Out of Character: Nobody is in character. One of the worst recipients of this is Daria, who is stripped of her acerbic wit and high principles and replaced with an unfunny sociopath who thinks it's hilarious to freeze and shatter a human criminal while stopping a bank robbery. But let's not forget Beavis and Butthead, who go from being unmotivated losers to vicious violent would-be rapists that stop at nothing to kidnap and force themselves on Quinn Morgendorffer.
- The Sailor Senshi themselves are largely reduced to a hive mind. While the show itself could be accused of this when the cast got too large, the characters still had rather distinct personalities for the story to throw into the trash. In particular, Minako would not blatantly insult Ami for being too smart. Furthermore, the Sailor Starlights lone appearence in the story is already so far out of canon that it even disregards that because they live on another planet and never expected to see the main characters again, Seiya would probably be just a bit upset that Usagi was bleeding out on the ground in front of her considering she was in love with her. However, the only one of these characters to even speak any dialog is Yaten, and the others may as well not be in the scene since they contribute nothing to the fight or to Star Healer "healing Usagi". Rei is constantly seen speaking extremely formally and invoking various Japanese gods, something she never does in any incarnation (also, the gods are wrong for Shinto.)
- Retcon: Makoto Kino's backstory is retconned from her parents dying in a normal plane crash to being shot down by Russian terrorists. This serves no relevance to the story at large.
- Reverse Mole: Ryu Chang is the SDF's plant in NIRAA.
- See You in Hell: Said so frequently by Yoriko that it's practically a Catch-Phrase.
- Talk to the Fist: Yoriko shoots Sailor Moon out of the sky during a speech—in a scene played perfectly straight!
- Teleporters and Transporters: Sailor Moon uses her recently acquired "moon teleportation power" to magically transport herself and Daria from Tokyo to Lawndale.
- That Reminds Me of a Song: The Neo-Zero has a CD player (in a military jet? Wha...?), and Yoriko likes to play various songs (which we get the lyrics of) during combat. Weirdly, despite being an immortal Japanese radical, she only ever listens to American alternative rock.
- Took a Level in Badass: In their own series, Beavis and Butt-head can't even beat up each other, let alone anyone else. In this story, they're strong enough to overpower adults whenever the plot requires it.
- Tyop on the Cover: The original version of the story misspelled Daria's name in the title of the story. This was corrected in the 2010 update.
- Western Terrorists: The Lawndale Milita is a typical Right-Wing Militia Fanatic group, based on articles Peter read in the mid-90s describing the sovereign citizen movement. Unlike many examples of these tropes, the Western Terrorists are simply one of many groups, as opposed to being a less controversial alternative to Muslim terrorists.
- Word Salad Title: The title does describe the story, but in a rather obscure and confusing way.
- Writer on Board: The story often stops to have characters parrot what are clearly Peter Guerin's views on history and world events.