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Garrett, PI
Garrett, PI
A former Marine turned private investigator in the city of TunFaire. He is frequently caught up in all of the intrigues within the city and its nobility or underworld (or both).
- Brilliant, but Lazy: Garrett avoids work whenever possible and often passes on cases when he's not desperate for cash.
- Badass Bookworm: Believe it or not, Garrett. Not only can he read and write in a world where literacy is a hot commodity, but the Dead Man's room (arguable the most secure place in the city) houses a treasure trove of books (being dead he can't really read, so who are they really for?). He's frequented the local library enough to finish a long trilogy of psuedo-history books and Deadly Quicksilver Lies opens with him in his office reading a philosophy book for pleasure. That being said, he does try to downplay his hobby to the reader.
- Carry a Big Stick: Garrett's preferred weapon is his "head-knocker", a heavy wooden nightstick with a pound of lead embedded in its striking end.
- Combat Pragmatist: Garrett, big time, in the first book he defends himself with what he even calls "A girlish kick to the shins."
- Deadpan Snarker: Garrett has a wise crack to everyone he meets, internal or external. Given that Garrett is also the narrator, just about every other line is filled with snark.
- Disproportionate Reward: Garrett suffers this at the hands of Chodo Contague after inadvertently helping him eliminate a threat and (later) saving his life. Chodo feels indebted to him, and wouldn't hesitate to kill off any number of mooks to be square. Garrett is not happy about this, seeing as how Chodo personifies everything he despises.
- Does Not Like Spam:
- Garrett absolutely despises vegetarian cuisine and Morley's attempts to turn him on it.
- Garrett loathes green bell peppers, claiming they're one of the few things even pigs won't eat. Becomes plot-relevant in Faded Steel Heat, when Morley's guys try to play a joke by serving Garrett a dish full of the things. "Garrett" tucks right in, unwittingly outing himself as a shape-changed impostor.
- Eating the Eye Candy: Garrett has a definite liking for (ahem) savoring the view, particularly when the young lady in question is walking away from him.
- Fascinating Eyebrow: A favorite of Garrett, he refers to it as his "eyebrow trick" and considers it his one true skill.
- First-Person Smartass: Garrett almost never foregoes a chance to quip at everyone and everything.
- Handsome Lech: Garrett is always up for some female company and is good looking enough that he usually gets it.
- Heroic BSoD: In Old Tin Sorrows, Garrett has one of these after dealing with a particularly sad ghost with a
tragic history. - Heterosexual Life-Partners: Morley and Garrett always have each other's back but are both deeply into women.
- Indy Ploy: As often as not, Garrett "solves" mysteries by engineering collisions between his own investigation and the various suspects, then living through the resulting crossfire. Garrett himself admits this is because he can't puzzle out the answer by brains alone, so he just stirs the pot and ramps up the pressure until the villain cracks and does something stupid.
- Narrative Profanity Filter: Along with Unreliable Narrator, Garrett rarely (if ever) censors profanities. Instead he leaves out bits of his own dialogue or will insist he said something else in order to make himself look like less of a fool. Other characters reactions to him will betray that he said or did something incredibly dumb though.
- Nay-Theist: Garrett expresses no particular disbelief in the gods, per say, but has no use for them or religion.
- The Nicknamer: Garrett. He usually winds up calling people whose names he doesn't know things like 'Weasely Guy' and the like.
- No Name Given: Nobody uses Garrett's first name, ever. Oddly enough, nobody in story seems to notice, or at least not to care. He must have a first name, because references to his family make it clear "Garrett" is the family name, but he isn't letting on.
Cook's a tease about this, as Garrett's childhood and marine-corps nicknames have both been revealed. Tinnie likewise invents a pet name for him, right at a point in their relationship when you'd expect her to drop "Garrett" and start using his given name. Actually becomes plot-relevant in Wicked Bronze Ambition, when Hagekagome doesn't realize he's not Mikey Garrett. - Not a Morning Person: Garrett resents being woken up even in the afternoon, usually because he's hung over.
- Private Investigator: Garrett's profession. He finds missing people, objects, and negotiates with criminals on behalf of his clients. When he can be bothered.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: Garrett engages in this regularly. His standard operating procedure is into pretend to stumble and bungle his way through the case while strategically positioning his opposition to take themselves out. The Dead Man points out that Garrett is actually quite a good detective, but simply lacks motivation.
- Once per Episode: Garrett WILL get knocked out and/or beaten up at least once per novel.
- Papa Wolf: Garrett may not want kids, but he's got a protective-father streak a mile wide for his daughter-surrogates. He delivered a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown to Maya's molesting stepfather when they first met, and he's likewise highly protective of Singe's dignity and virtue.
- Rags to Riches: Garrett himself, who over the course of 13 books goes from sleeping on a cot in his office to owning his own house to living in a mansion, and from tracking down brewery malfeasance and buying help from juvenile street gangs to owning shares in TunFaire's thriving new manufactory and turning down job offers from Prince Rupert.
- Really Gets Around: Garrett has a nearly endless parade of lovers throughout the books.
- Semper Fi: Garrett is an ex-Marine, and has a bit of an attitude about it.
- Shell-Shocked Veteran: Garrett was traumatized by his military service and it affects much of his day to day interactions.
- Touched by Vorlons: Garrett himself appears to have picked up a mild sensitivity to mind-reading, due to his long-term association with (and training by?) the Dead Man.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Garrett loves beer to an absurd extent without being The Alcoholic.
- Unreliable Narrator: Garrett edits or omits some of his own dialogue and we have to rely on other character's reactions to figure out what's going on. For example he will often insist he muttered something like "Um," "Uh," or "Huh?" when it's obvious he said something much dumber/insensitive. He also downplays his own hobbies to cover up his Badass Bookworm and (possible) Closet Geek status while gleefully telling us about the bad or embarrassing habits of his friends. Another trait is his tendency to greatly abbreviate his sexual history. Garrett's anecdotes about the dangers his Marine unit faced in the Cantard island's swamps may or may not be an example. On one hand, snakes "as long as anchor chains" sounds like one of his usual exaggerations, but on the other, he does live in a world where dinosaurs and other prehistoric beasts are still around, so Megaboa isn't out of the question...
- Part of Garrett's backstory. Five years in the Marines, most of it stuck in a swamp.
- Wouldn't Hit a Girl: Garrett does avert this a couple of times, but once it was to chastise a female mastermind who'd shamelessly tried to blame an innocent murder victim for another victim's death, and the other time he didn't realize it was a woman following him until after his punch connected. In the former case, he mentally assures himself she's no lady in any sense but the biological. He also whups Winger when she tries to haul him off in Dread Brass Shadows, and is willing enough to fight rough against female magic-users like the Serpent. Really, it's only unarmed women Garrett's hesitant to strike.
Associates and Allies
Morley Dotes
A vegetarian half-dark elf assassin and compulsive gambler.
- Bad Guy Bar: Morley's Joy House is a Bad Guy Restaurant, which ironically doesn't serve alcohol.
- The Gambling Addict: Morley, early in the series, has a mountain of debts due to this.
- Giving Them the Strip: Morley gets his brand-new shirt caught on something when he and Garrett climb down a wall in Deadly Quicksilver Lies. As Morley's such a clotheshorse, it causes him real pain (and Garrett, immense amusement) when he has to cut the cloth to get loose.
- Evil Vegetarian: Morley is Garrett's friend and sometimes accomplice but a cold blooded killer as well as thief. He also doesn't eat meat.
- Handsome Lech: As an elf, he is easily able to find female company and is happy to get it.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: Morley and Garrett always have each other's back but are both deeply into women.
- Hidden Depths: Garrett sometimes considers Morley to be this, due to his Bizarre Dark-Elven Psychology.
- Hypercompetent Sidekick: As much as he can be termed a sidekick, Morley is a dangerous killing machine that Garrett often hires for his cases.
- Once Done, Never Forgotten: Garrett will never, ever, let Morely forget about the time he made Garrett drag around a half-starved vampire in his attempt to assassinate a crime boss to whom Morely owed money.
- Punny Name: Morley Dotes is a reference to the "Mares Eat Oats" nursey rhyme.
- Pardon My Klingon: Morley Dotes, while he seldom swears in Karentine, cusses a blue streak in Low Elvish on occasion.
- Professional Killer: Morley Dotes. There are plenty of mooks and secondary characters paid to kill/bruise people up, but he's the most prominently featured one. Might also coincide with Hitman with a Heart.
- Sharp-Dressed Man: Morley prefers fine clothing compared to Garrett's ambivalent attitude to dress.
- Straight Edge Evil: Morley doesn't eat meat, smoke, or drink alcohol. He is, however, a gambling addict and a Handsome Lech.
- Token Evil Teammate: Morley is significantly more ruthless than Garrett and not above murder or robbery when it suits his purposes.
- Trapped by Gambling Debts: Morley has a problem with this early in the series until he manages to get his gambling addiction under control.
- Wall of Weapons: Morley has an arsenal concealed behind a movable wall-panel in his office. Garret originally kept his weapons (mostly those taken off of guys trying to kill him) in a spare room of his house before moving it to an upstairs closet. The Stantnor mansion is decorated in Late Medieval Arsenal.
Dead Man
A long-dead Loghyr, who serves as Garrett's business partner.
- The Ageless: On the account of being dead and not going anywhere.
- Creepy Good: An undead Eldritch Abomination that is, nevertheless, on Garrett's side.
- Eldritch Abomination: Dead Man died centuries ago but remains on, annoying Garrett with his powerful abilities and inscrutable knowledge.
- Emotion Bomb: The Dead Man can fiddle with others' mental state, most often by making them distracted or intoxicated so they're no use as witnesses. The Luck of A-Lat generate an aura of mellow euphoria that's powerful enough to suppress an imminent gang war.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!: In a rare departure from his usual Spock Speak, the Dead Man's psychic voice says Oh, sugar! in Gilded Latten Bones. Garrett wonders what the h-e-double-broomsticks brought that on.
- Laser-Guided Amnesia: One of the Dead Man's abilities is to provide this to people. It helps protect Garrett's secrets.
- More than Mind Control: Dead Man can peek into people's heads, move objects around, and generally screw around with people. He just doesn't because he's lazy.
- No Name Given: The Dead Man's name is never revealed in the series.
- Not a Morning Person: The Dead Man, thanks to dead Loghyrs' marathon sleeping habits, is more of a Not A This-Month Person.
- Once per Episode: In nearly every book set in TunFaire, the Dead Man falls asleep right when his assistance would wrap up the case.
- Orifice Invasion: When the Dead Man first appears in the series, he's a bit neglected, to the point where a spider has set up housekeeping in one of his nostrils. It peeks out at Garrett, then ducks back inside.
- Politically Incorrect Hero: The Dead Man is a Straw Misogynist to the core, for comedic reasons — largely something else for him and Garrett to bicker like old women over.
- Properly Paranoid: Nobody with secrets to hide wants to come anywhere near the Dead Man, with good reason.
- Psychic Powers: Can communicate telepathy, read minds, and alter people's memories among other abilities.
- Restraining Bolt: Garrett bluffs a bad guy with a lurid description of "Loghyr mindworms" in Whispering Nickel Idols, only for the Dead Man to (apparently) start implanting them for real. At least, "for real" enough to make one of the implanted villains go Off the Rails and start attacking his own Outfit associates on the Dead Man's behalf, desperate to get it removed.
- Spirit Advisor: Serves this role to Garrett due to being a vastly knowledge psychic being who is, also, a ghost.
- Spock Speak: The Dead Man's mental communication uses highly formal grammar and refrains from contractions. Singe has to work at it to remember to use contractions, and John Stretch has yet to master them.
- Straw Misogynist: Dead Man has nothing but disdain for the female sex. Garrett speculates that it is because Dead Man used to be very randy and is now Can't Have Sex, Ever due to being a ghost.
- Telepathy: Dead Man communicates this way.
Dean Creech
Dean Creech is Garrett's housekeeper, valet, and cook. Dean is about seventy years old, and he manages the house while Garrett is doing business. He is generally critical of Garrett's girlfriends, with the exceptions of Tinnie Tate and Maya Stump, whom he adores. He has attempted several times to set up Garrett with his nieces.
- The Matchmaker: Dean spends several books trying to get Garrett interested in his homely nieces, without success. Barring that, he's not averse to pressuring Garrett to get married to Tinnie, Maya, Belinda, or indeed pretty much anybody who's not Winger.
- That Old-Time Prescription: Dean brews willow-bark tea for Garrett after nights of heavy drinking.
- One-Note Cook: Dean's cooking in Cruel Zinc Melodies gets into a rut: he's been serving various forms of stew (fish, rabbit, beef, chicken) for enough days in a row that Garrett calls him out on it.
- Servile Snarker: Dean. His reaction to Garrett's various supernaturally inclined, city/world saving endeavors? Nagging him about his love of the sauce, his taste in women, and how he needs to get a steady job.
- Trademark Favorite Food: For Dean, it's tea.
Love Interests
Belinda Contague
The daughter of TunFaire's biggest gangster.
- Archenemy: Crask and Sadler, who are her chief rivals for control of the syndicate.
- Brainy Brunette: Is much more intelligent than most characters and has black hair.
- Cartwright Curse: Belinda Contague's drivers have a habit of falling for her, then getting killed protecting her from assassins. Comes with the territory when you work for the queenpin...
- Creepy Crossdresser: Belinda Contague has been known to dress up as a dapper young man when she needs to be anonymous.
- Daddy's Little Villain: Averted as Chodo wanted a daughter who wasn't interested in his criminal activities.
- Dating Catwoman: Both Belinda and Garrett would be perfect for one another if not for the fact that he's put off by the fact she's a crime boss and she's annoyed at his moral objections to murder.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Belinda has no truck with the Call and its racism.
- The Don: Becomes the leader of the Contague syndicate after her father's stroke.
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: Belinda Contague, who plays up this trope with makeup to appear more intimidating.
- Man Behind the Man: Belinda becomes this when she steals her father's comatose form and uses him as her puppet while taking over the syndicate.
- Pragmatic Villainy: Wants nothing to do with the Call due to the fact that it disrupts the many nonhumans in her employ and businesses.
Citizens of TunFaire
Chodo Contague
A powerful gangster in TunFaire who has an unusual fondness for Garrett.
- Convenient Coma: Chodo Contague is forced into one of these, which deprives Garrett of protection.
- Debt Detester: Chodo owes his position to Garrett eliminating a powerful crime lord rival of his and several other actions that benefited him (through no desire of Garrett).
- The Don: Chodo is the head of all organized crime in TunFaire.
- Evil Cripple: Chodo Contague is confined to a wheelchair after his stroke.
- Friendly Neighborhood Gangster: Deconstructed with the fact Chodo is friendly to Garrett but that does nothing to make him less of a dangerous crime lord or someone that our protagonist loathes.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Chodo Contague reputedly started out as a street-gang kid, but was recruited into the Outfit and rose to dominate it. The fathers of Raver Styx and Amiranda Crest rose from humble beginnings to become pretty terrifying even by Hill standards.
- Heel–Face Turn: Never really a face but eventually turns on Garrett over the spellbook in Dread Brass Shadows.
- No One Sees the Boss: Crime boss Chodo Contague has a stroke and his daughter Belinda takes over his organization, claiming to relay his orders.
- Puppet King: Becomes one of these for Crask and Sadler before they are replaced by his own daughter.
Crask and Sadler
Crask and Sadler are Chodo Contague's bodyguards and lieutenants. They have an uneasy relationship with Garrett that goes from friendly to temporary truce to enemies.
- Archenemy: Garrett and they dance around one another with both believing the other will be their downfall.
- Bodyguard Betrayal: They turn against Chodo Contague in Dread Brass Shadows, attempting (and succeeding) in taking over the Outfit.
- Co-Dragons: Crask and Sadler are this for Chodo for several of the early novels. Subverted as of Dread Brass Shadows, when they become Co-Dragons With An Agenda, after which they're on the run from Contague payback.
- The Don: They become this once they manage to take over the Outfit.
- Gayngster: Both of them are homosexual men, involved with each other, as well as criminal masterminds.
- He Knows Too Much: Their opinion of Garrett after they take over the Outfit from Chodo.
- Heterosexual Life-Partners: Subverted by Crask and Saddler. Turns out they're just life partners.
- London Gangster: They're not from London but are modelled specifically on the Kray Twins.
- No Name Given: Garrett himself is briefly floored to hear Sadler address Crask by his first name: he'd always assumed even Crask's mommy called him "Crask".
- Out-Gambitted: Belinda Contague manages to seize control over her father from them.
- Puppet King: They plan to rule the Outfit using the comatose form of Chodo Contague once he has a series of strokes.
