Characters / Drop the Dead Donkey

Globelink Staff

Gus Hedges

Portrayed by: Robert Duncan

The management speak spouting 'hands-off' chief executive at Globelink News, Gus constantly reminds his staff "I'm not here." If only. Constantly meddling with broadcasts and bulletins to ensure their proprietor comes out on top, Gus has no real friends at the office and is often shown to be desperately lonely.

• Beleaguered Assistant: To Sir Royston Merchant.
• Break the Haughty: When events begin to get on top of him, such as the Prime Minister's impending visit.
• The Dog Bites Back: To Sir Royston in the last episode, but his epic rant is cut short.
• Manipulative Bastard: In several episodes he shows that he is quite competent in getting the employees to accept pay cuts or dropping stories he doesn't want to see broadcast.
• Neologizer: His poke like this almost to the point of unintelligibility as part of his "management speak". The character was a parody of all the phrase-coining 90s managers who seemed to believe making up new expressions would change the workplace. Sadly for Gus, it never worked.
• Sanity Slippage: As the nature of Truth News' backers in the stage show begins to out, his mental state becomes even more unbalanced than usual. He ends the show being wheeled offstage, speaking gibberish and clutching Dimbles the teddy bear.
• Smug Snake
• Sympathy for the Devil: Often shown as a deeply lonely, insecure individual whose attempts to reach out to his colleagues are met with bafflement or frustration.
• The Un-Favourite: To his brother Julian.
• Yes-Man: A bona fide kiss-ass.

George Dent

Portrayed by: Jeff Rawle

The put-upon editor of Globelink, George is constantly beset by problems from his staff, his manipulative wife, his borderline-psychotic daughter Deborah, and his own ever increasing mystery illnesses. You wouldn't be mistaken to think there're invertebrates with more backbone than him.

• Butt-Monkey: Can not catch a break.
• The Dog Bites Back: On occasion, such as paying his daughter to wreck Damien's Porsche, or hiring a call-girl to ruin his ex-wife's wedding.
• Earn Your Happy Ending: After not being able to catch a break for most of his life, George ends the stage show about to be married to his caring Korean girlfriend.
• Henpecked Husband: Well, less 'henpecked' and more 'emotionally abused'.
• Incompatible Orientation: Has a crush on Helen in Series 3 and asks her out, but Helen refuses to on the basis that she is a lesbian. George has difficulty with this, thinking that she's faking being a lesbian to spare his feelings.
• Insecure Love Interest: With Sue in Series 6.
• Locked Out of the Loop
• Nervous Wreck: Is suffering from a variety of anxiety issues and hypochondria, no doubt not helped by his poor marriage.
• Papa Wolf When Deborah joins a gang of muggers, George threatens their leader with a toasting fork until he sings the Birdie Song (with actions).

Alex Pates

Portrayed by: Haydn Gwynne

George's second, the assistant editor (who frequently does most of the legwork). Put on a Bus between series two and three.

• Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: Her mother makes a number of increasingly silly phone calls throughout the second season, unseen until the season two finale.
• Deadpan Snarker: Usually has a cynical barb for any situation.
• The Cynic: The most cynical member of the team until Joy shows up.
• Hyper-Competent Sidekick: Is usually this to the somewhat ineffectual George.
• Not So Above It All: While generally the most responsible member of the team, she's occasionally shown to be almost as bad as the rest of them at times.
• Only Sane Man: Well, Woman.
• Put on a Bus: Leaves Globelink for the BBC after series 2.

Helen Cooper

Portrayed by: Ingrid Lacey

Brought in to replace Alex, she quickly attracts the attention of both George and Dave, only to reveal she's actually a lesbian.

• Cure Your Gays: Toyed with, then averted.
• Deadpan Snarker
• Kick the Dog: In the stage show, she sells the story behind Truth News to the tabloids in order to get enough money to pay off her debt. Understandable, but this also threatens George's relationship, to which she simply replies "It's George, it was never going to work."
• Only Sane Man: Takes Alex's place as this.
• Not So Aboveit All: After chiding the office for spying on Dave, she breaks down and asks 'are you screwing Diana or not?
• Queer Establishing Moment: Gets one in "The New Newsreader" when George asks her out and she refuses, telling him that she already has someone and that it's not a man. George... struggles to comprehend this revelation.
• Suspiciously Similar Substitute: Initially for Alex, later averted as she is fleshed out.

Damien Day

Portrayed by: Stephen Tompkinson

Sensationalist field reporter, always willing to embellish the truth in his reports, often to the detriment and frequent injury of his cameraman.

• Alliterative Name: Damien Day.
• Celibate Hero: Until Series 4, he was a virgin, claiming to be more interested in disasters than sex.
• Comedic Sociopath: His sometimes cruel way of reporting is largely Played for Laughs. He is even described in an episode as "psychotic, but stress-free!"
• Empathy Doll Shot: Uses his own teddy bear for these, and credits “Dimbles” with winning four awards.
• Freudian Excuse: Made clear in the episode with his mother, where it is revealed that her poor treatment of him led to the psychopath we know and love today.
• Obfuscating Disability: He spends much of the stage show in a wheelchair, with most of the characters doubting him - even after Dave tips him out of the chair. Finally, he stands up during a particularly impassioned speech live on air - gaining him the ire of the disabled community.
• Sympathy for the Devil: Sensationalist, arrogant and amoral he may be, but you can't help but feel sorry for him what with his depressing childhood, horrible mum and especially his depressing fate in the end.
• Ultimate Job Security: The source of most of Globelink's ratings, they can't afford to lose him.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy: Has been desperate for his mother's attention and approval since he was a child. The stage show reveals he never gained it, and she even barred him from her funeral.

Dave Charnley

Portrayed by: Neil Pearson

Ladies man, particularly if the lady is married to another staff member. Dave frequently finds himself in debt to various creditors due to his gambling problems.

• The Casanova: With a preference for married women.
• The Gambling Addict: Constantly running bets and pools in the office and a fair collection of debts throughout the series.
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Henry.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: One of the nicer members of staff, but is just as much of a cynical Deadpan Snarker as the rest of them.
• Lady Killer In Love: With Helen, and later with a married member of staff named Julie.
• Really Gets Around: If he's not gambling, he's usually trying to get with someone.
• Those Two Guys: Is usually this with Henry.

Henry Davenport

Portrayed by: David Swift

The respected older anchorman at Globelink, Henry is constantly frustrated at the antics of 'pre-pubescent holograms' in politics and the media business. He has a particularly acidic relationship with fellow anchor Sally Smedley.

• Dirty Old Man: Despite being in his early 60s by the end of the series, is constantly trying (and occasionally succeeding) to pull women 40 years younger than him.
• Friendly Enemy: By the end of the series, he's this with Sally (although he would never admit to the "friendly" part).
• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Dave.
• Kavorka Man: Likely due to him being a famous newsreader.
• Large Ham: Seems to approach life as if he was on stage.
• Pet the Dog: After Sally has a miscarriage, he checks that no one is watching before crossing over and making a sincere apology. Averted for laughs another time when he lays into Gus for leading Sally on into believing he was romantically interested in her when he was only using her as practice for another date, though he was more angry at him for making him feel sympathy to her.
• Sophisticated as Hell: Eloquent, posh and swears like a sailor.
• The Character Died with Him: Passed away prior to the events of the stage adaptation due to David Swift's death in 2016. George managed to fall in the grave, dragging the priest with him.

Sally Smedley

Portrayed by: Victoria Wicks

Part of a new wave of attractive but untalented new personnel, Sally is calm and reassuring on camera, but off-camera is vacuous and selfish, disliked by most of her colleagues, particularly Henry.

• Abusive Parents: Her parents ignored her for her entire childhood so she was raised by her grandmother - who, among other things, locked her in a cellar full of rats as a young child.
• Brainless Beauty: Pretty enough that she was brought on for her looks, but not quite intelligent enough to be a serious news reporter, much to the annoyance of her fellow staff members.
• Break the Haughty: Many an episode features other characters attempting to do this to her.
• The Chew Toy: In later series, usually gets humiliated Once an Episode.
• Friendly Enemy: With Henry (although, like Henry, she would never admit to the "friendly" part).
• Gold Digger: In the last few episodes of the series, she hooks up with a wealthy but extremely controlling businessman, who's a complete ass to her to say the least. Though, she only goes through with it due to his weak heart and good chance of dropping dead at any moment.
• Jerkass Woobie: Selfish, unpleasant, homophobic and egotistical, but once you find out about her childhood she gets a bit more sympathetic.
• Really Gets Around: Particularly with lorry drivers.
• Second Episode Introduction: Isn't introduced until "Sally's Arrival", which was the second episode of the series.
• Stepford Smiler: Is implied to be a deeply sad person underneath.
• Sympathy for the Devil: After her miscarriage.
• We Want Our Jerk Back!: During her brief stint as a Christian.

Joy Merryweather

Portrayed by: Susannah Doyle

The incredibly effective PA for Globelink, Joy is, however, a borderline sociopath with a tendency to enact creative revenge plots on those who slight her.

• Characterisation Marches On: Is merely cynical and surly in her debut in series 2, however from series 3 onward she's much more vindictive and violent.
• Comedic Sociopathy
• Deadpan Snarker
• Defrosting Ice Queen: With Dave during her Gladiators training, and with Vivian the artist. Both involve the men using her for their own purposes, which naturally doesn't end well.
• Does Not Like Men
• Freudian Excuse: Lived with an alcoholic father and a drug addict mother.
• The Gadfly: Loves to mess around with her coworkers, mostly For the Lulz, but sometimes she targets those who genuinely deserve it. Her troll-like nature reaches new heights in the stage show, where despite having become a wealthy artist she accepts a job at Gus' Truth News purely to cause trouble.
• Ironic Name: Joy Merryweather, she's anything but her namesake. Even lampshaded by Dave.
• Jerk With A Heartof Gold: Hidden very deeply, she takes care of her homeless brother who treats her with nothing but abuse.
• Jerkass Woobie: Is violent, cynical, vindictive and borderline sociopathic but considering how crappy her childhood and even her adult life is it's hard not to feel sorry for her.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: Sometimes with Dave and Helen.

Gerry

Portrayed by: Andy Hamilton

Damien's cameraman.

• Creator Cameo: He is voiced by Andy Hamilton, one of the two writers.
• Iron Butt Monkey: Put through extreme abuse during Damien's reports.
• The Unseen: Except in the Christmas Special where he appears wrapped entirely in bandages.

Recurring Characters

Sir Royston Merchant

Portrayed by: Roger Hammond

The new owner of Globelink News, a terrifying, corrupt figure who owns much of the British media.

• The Faceless: Briefly averted in the finale.
• Fat Bastard
• Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: In the final episode a distraught Gus breaks into Sir Royston's well-guarded mansion to speak to his boss, who acts like he's willing to hear him out...then drops a steel door in front of Gus's face.
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: Rupert Murdoch and Robert Maxwell, who both share his initials as well.

Margaret

Portrayed by:

George's often-mentioned wife, who proceeds to put him through hell before demanding a divorce and taking most of his possessions.

• The Faceless: Briefly averted in the finale.
• Jerkass: She is really not kind to her husband, telling him that he was the one who put her off men and shrugging off his attempts at a Romantic Candlelit Dinner.
• Manipulative Bitch: Particularly in the finale.
• The Voiceless

Deborah Dent

Portrayed by: Louisa Milwood-Haigh

George's out-of-control teenage daughter.

• Attention Whore: Alex speculates that her borderline sociopathic behavior is an attempt to get attention from her father.
• Bad People Abuse Animals: One of the indicators that she is a case of Teens Are Monsters is that she's has a history of abusing animals - in "Deborah's Daughter", George is reluctant to leave her at home after something she did with their hamster, whilst "Henry and Dido" stated that she dissected a live rabbit and did something involving cat and kerosine.
• Comedic Sociopathy: Her borderline sociopathic tendencies are Played for Laughs for the most part.
• Enfante Terrible: Some of her actions would impress The Joker.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Teens Are Monsters she may be, but she does have a point when she accuses her father of simply caving into the demands of others.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She does love her Dad, she just conceals it very well.
• Teens Are Monsters: Being 13 years old, she's constantly being suspended from school, has a history of arson, and abuses animals.

Roy Merchant Jr.

Portrayed by: David Troughton

Sir Royston's only son, he is sent in in the final series to assess whether the business is worth saving.

• Bearer of Bad News: Tells Globelink they are being shut down.
• Punch-Clock Villain: His actions are all about keeping his inheritance and following his fathers wishes, otherwise he is a perfectly affable individual who is very apologetic at the bad news he is forced to deliver.
• Sibling Rivalry: Forced to fight with siblings Octavia and Roystonia for his inheritance.
• Verbal Tic: When try to mention his f..ff...father. He later refers to him as his f..ff..fucking dad!.
  • Made all the more amusing when you remember his actor's own father is Patrick Troughton, aka The Second Doctor.
• "Well Done, Son" Guy