We try to kill SCP-682

Failure: With previously gained abilities, Thanos and Darkseid were both utterly destroyed. Perhaps if this slaughter continues on for too long we might resummon Thanos - this time with the Infinity gauntlet, as of right now that is far more dangerous than SCP 682

Test: We have summoned the entire Avengers and Justice League line-ups, as well as the villain counterparts, the neutral parties, and the remaining heroes and villains of each world. We also have a summoned Kill Sat in backup, as well as the five from Epic Battle Fantasy - after defeating Godcat. Might this work? No. Akron has been added to the lineup as well.

Result: Test Cancelled.

You want it to get all of their powers? REALLY!? Because we all know that's what will happen - Dr.██████

Test: Use SCP-294 to get a sample of 682's blood, and then poor it into both sides of The Blessing simultaneously, which should remove its immortality.

Result: Failure. No comment. In unrelated news, eleven dead bodies found in the vicinity.

Dr. Glitch: *sobbing*

Test: SCP-682 will be given a plate of the driest chocolate chip cookies- with no milk. Personnel instructed to stand nearby and laugh at it.

edited 14th Nov '13 8:35:31 AM by Palindromee

Result: Failure. After 10 minutes of inaction, multiple large mammary-like organs develop on SCP-682's body, producing a white substance presumed to be milk. SCP-682 releases abundant amounts of this substance upon the cookies, which it proceeds to consume. [DATA EXPUNGED] casualties among on-site personnel caused by either dehydration caused by excessive vomiting or from unexplained shutdown of all cerebral functions.

Test never to be repeated again. Ever.

Test: As a followup to "Operation: Friendship Is Magic", force SCP-682 to watch all Generation 3 My Little Pony cartoons. Yes, even Newborn Cuties.

edited 14th Nov '13 11:49:13 AM by Arachnos

Result: Although SCP-682 seemed generally unharmed by the experiment, it's the first time we've seen it cry. As in, actual tears. However, it's an extremely corrosive acid and is burning holes in the floor of the testing area. Hope somebody will clean that up.

Test: Let SCP-682 loose in the world of Super Contra. It's not going to make it out alive.

Result: We have at least found out from this experiment that SCP-682 seems to find aliens less "disgusting" than humans, as it promtly bonded with them and became the secret final boss. After [DATA REDACTED] unsuccessful attempts by local military forces to terminate it SCP-682 had to be recontained.

-Well, that caused a lot of ragequits.

Test: Expose SCP-682 to Flandre Scarlet.

Has this been attempted yet?

edited 15th Nov '13 5:22:24 PM by Jinxmenow

Result: Failure. Flandre, upon being introduced to SCP-682, ran off crying.

Test: HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA. On repeat. For two months.

Result: Failure. About an hour in, a thick layer of skin grew over SCP-682's eyes and ears. Unfortunately, this did not make containment any easier, since to compensate SCP-682 developed an abnormally keen sense of smell and touch.

Test: make a girl contract Kyubey and become a magical girl with the wish that SCP-682 had never existed.

Result: Fail. Kyubeby stated that "... There are some things that just can't be done.", followed by a sigh.

Test: While making sure SCP-682 is in containment, politely ask it where the fuck it came from.

Result: None. Authorization refused. Per containment protocol, agents must not attempt to communicate with SCP-682, for fear of provoking a rage-like state. Agent responsible for proposing this method has been reprimanded and recommended for remedial training.

Test: Launch SCP-682 into outer space, depriving it of all matter for consumption. Ensure that the shuttle containing it is on a course to leave the solar system.

Result: Test denied. We tried this already, like 20 times by now.

Test: Shoot it with the De-Mat Gun

Result: Failure. The gun dematerialized. Also, SCP-682 is now making obscure jokes that nobody understands.

Test: Get Eddie Riggs to perform a face-melting guitar solo right next to it.

edited 16th Nov '13 7:50:48 AM by Jinxmenow

RESULT: Well, it was facemelting, but not for 682. Test considered to be a failure. As a side result, 682's roars now contain the sound of a guitar.

TEST: Offer it to the Daedra. Alternately, offer it to Cthulhu. Preferably as a peace offering.

Result 682 was only made powerful due to the amounts of elder one consumed, making seeing it cause Insanity and death.

Great. Now we can't kill it, but we can just look at it and have our brains explode.-D Class 1935

Test Send it back to where it came from.

edited 19th Nov '13 8:09:10 PM by TroyandHawk

Result: Test failed. We almost let more of them in.

Test: Force a D-class to have sex with it (At least it will never see this coming)

Result: [DATA EXPUNGED]. He appears to be recovering quite smoothly.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, oh my God. What have we wrought."-Dr. Bright

Test: Throw it into the Cracks of Doom.

I think that really, some of these probably would have gotten rid of SCP-682, like the Kyuubey one. I mean, it's not invincible or anything, it's just a totally indestructible lizard. It's not resistant to getting wiped out of reality...

edited 20th Nov '13 9:01:00 AM by Jinxmenow

Result: Failed. SCP-682 is resistant to the fires of Mount Doom, as well as being wiped out of reality. It promptly devoured the researcher who suggested it wasn't.

Test: Digitize it into a computer file and delete it.

Result: ERROR. The computer underwent the Blue Screen of Death. It took two weeks to find him, and by then, he had made everyone's Internet history public. Frankly, it was a shameful display. Test Failed.

Test: Roll it in a ball to the next town over. It's Princess Molestia's problem now.

edited 21st Nov '13 6:04:56 PM by ButNotLeast

Result: It was sent back three days later with the message "Dear Sirs and Madams, thank you for the delightful toy. It was wonderful fun while it lasted." The SCP has now become extremely irritable, resting for weeks on end in the corner of its room, crying. The two D-Class who tried to reach him for further testing became [DATA EXPUNGED], and it ruined Dr. Gears' suit.

Fuck, how am I going to explain this to the dry cleaners? - Dr. Gears

Test: Give it a Companion Cube to play with. If it doesn't kill it, at least it may give it something to do besides loath all of humanity.

FAILED...it ate the goddamn Companion Cube.

TEST Preform Procedure 110-Montauk on 682.

edited 21st Nov '13 7:23:56 PM by TroyandHawk

RESULT: No.

TEST: Send it to Sonic 06.

RESULT: At first, it appeared to be working. Then the SCP willed himself back into our world and had a private meeting with Dr. Gears in which it expressed its desire not to go back. In an unrelated event, Dr. Gears has voluntarily relocated himself to desk work for the rest of his life.

"No more. Please. Please, no more." - Dr. Gears

TEST: Have Slowbeef and Diabetus make fun of it. If nothing else, it will cripple its self-esteem.

Result: 682 immediately killed both subjects.

Test: Lock it in a metal box, put it in a large truck, and have Dr. Gerald drive said truck.

edited 24th Nov '13 7:57:06 AM by Theimperfectbeing

Result: Inconclusive. Just before the box could be loaded into the truck, SCP-682 broke containment and caused [DATA EXPUNGED] casualties in personnel before getting recontained. Dr. Gerald injured and had to be hospitalized. Testing temporarily aborted.

Dr. Spider: It's as if the damn thing knew what was coming. Hell, maybe it did.

Test: make it fight Discord. Maybe a godlike Reality Warper like him can turn it into something nonthreatening.