Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. You can only go up to one femtosecond back, meaning the improvements you can make are barely noticeable.

I wish to have better luck with die rolls.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. Your luck with dice rolls is so consistently good that you gain a reputation among gamblers for possibly being a cheater. Hope you don't piss off the wrong people...

I wish my lawn didn't grow so fast.

Ever wanted to see the most inexplicably horrifying intro to a game ever?

You can't grow a lawn

I wish the Beyond Meat COO had a conversation with Mike Tyson about the taste of cartilage.

Edited by randomtroper89 on Sep 28th 2022 at 2:32:06 PM

Granted. It goes horrible and somehow at their location a Final Destination-style disaster happens and kills them both.

I wish people would be quiet so I can have a good night sleep in my college dorm.

"This kimono is perfect for the Hisui-themed festival, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. The entire world goes mute.

I wish I was a talented boxer.

Granted. Note the fact that you said "was" as in past tense. You "were" a talented boxer, but now you're a fragile old senior citizen clinging to your past glory.

I wish I knew all the answers to my problems.

Edited by SaifuuSuri on Sep 21st 2022 at 7:49:28 AM

Prepare to diode.

Granted. You're taking a multiple-choice exam tomorrow. The answers to all those problems are, in no particular order, A, B, C, D, and E (with some or all of those answers being repeated).

I wish the air here wasn't so smokey.

Bigotry will NEVER be welcome on TV Tropes.

Granted. All the smoke is replaced with airborne glass shards.

I wish that this wish wouldn't get corrupted.

Granted. In Soviet Russia, you don't corrupt wish, wish corrupt you!

---

I wish I could stay healthy and youthful throughout my whole life.

Granted. You're young and healthy for a couple days, then your life ends when you're hit by a truck and instantly killed.

I wish I could instantly know how to fix any computer problems I run into.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. You also lose your hands in the process, and thus are unable to fix any computer.

I wish all Video Game Remakes were very loose remakes from the originals to make them stand out more.

"This kimono is perfect for the Hisui-themed festival, right?" - Cynthia

Granted! However, it doesn’t stay true to the source material and convolutes the timeline of said games!

I wish that I could travel to fictional universes.

Edited by Halaretuliop on Sep 22nd 2022 at 2:02:16 PM

Granted. You can travel to the fictional universes of F.A.T.A.L., The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, and The Unfunnies. And you can't come back.

I wish that being nervous wouldn't destroy my sleeping schedule.

Granted. Being nervous instead puts you in a coma. Now you can get plenty of sleep!

I wish I could eat and drink whatever I want without harming my body.

Everything tastes disgusting. Also despite not needing to eat, you still suffer phantom hunger.

I wish to be slim with a fat head.

Granted. You accidentally snap your neck and die.

I wish Marnie became a recurring character and then an Ascended Extra on Family Guy.

"This kimono is perfect for the Hisui-themed festival, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. Her characterisation is completely butchered, to the point where she's basically a completely different character who just happens to look like Marnie and share her name, and she's constantly shoehorned into every plot until the fanbase just sees her as an annoying Creator's Pet.

I wish to write a bestselling novel.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. Your novel is a Critic-Proof dud that sells, but gets horrible reviews from critics and readers alike.

I wish I could have a free chocolate bar every day.

Edited by StewieGriffin34 on Sep 25th 2022 at 5:31:55 AM

He/they | Mostly here on my free days

Granted. You're now deathly allergic to chocolate.

I wish I had a pet kitten.

Granted, its an unhousebroken little terror that runs around at 3 am, knocks stuff over for no reason, and never uses it litterbox.

---

I wish the Galatic Empire was real.

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

Granted. They destroy Earth just as they did with Alderaan, and a super-majority of people see them as in the right for doing so.

I wish smoke alarms were easier to silence after going off.

I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!

Granted. Unfortunately, this increases their sensitivity and they go off now at random without warning or any smoke.

I wish my classes were easy.

"This kimono is perfect for the Hisui-themed festival, right?" - Cynthia

Granted. You're back in the first grade.

---

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Bob is not allowed to [let us] forget the incident log.

Granted. You know what to wish for, but you just wasted a wish doing so.

I wish I had a new and powerful computer.

Edited by SaifuuSuri on Sep 26th 2022 at 2:44:13 PM

Prepare to diode.

Granted. It is so powerfull that just turning it on requires so much energy that it causes an blackout.

---

I wish for every household in the world to have clean water.