Corrupt-a-wish.

granted, it gets a virus and is rendered useless immediately

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I wish I was hot, and I don't mean temperature-wise so don't pull that trick on me

A plague has consumed the town, summoning Pestilence, Horseman of the Apocalypse!

Granted. You're now hot radiation wise. That is, you are very radioactive. Multiple organ failure sets in and you die horribly a few days later.

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I wish for some english muffins.

Granted. You get some muffins made of English people.

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I wish for a good fan translation of Tomato Adventure

Kumatora needs to be appreciated more. Appreciate her.

Granted. It's translated into Sumerian.

I wish I could control the outcomes of random events.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. Once per day, you can control the outcome of one roll of the dice that is part of a game of Monopoly you are personally participating in.

I wish to gain one million U.S. dollars, legally and without incurring any form of debt or tax liability, all of which will remain mine unless and until I choose to spend it.

Edited by djkates on Oct 16th 2020 at 8:36:40 AM

Granted, you get it as compensation for your son being caught in the machinery at his work.

I wish Alice and Bob would stop getting themselves into weird situations where they need to exchange information cryptographically.

Edited by DeepFiemott on Oct 16th 2020 at 6:53:21 AM

Granted. Now its Carol and Dave that are getting into weird situations where they need to exchange information cryptographically.

I wish people would uncontrollably laugh during Nightmare Fuel or Tearjerker moments. In fictional media and IRL.

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Granted. People also laugh really loud during some moments that aren't those, and some never stop laughing.

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I wish I could exist

Granted. Everything will try to make your existence a living hell. Oh, and you can't die.

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I want my waifu/husbando to be real.

Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Oct 21st 2020 at 7:57:30 AM

Granted. They don't actually like you, and they eventually decide to kill you.

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I wish I had a real Pokemon.

Edited by GoosefromWikipedia on Oct 21st 2020 at 8:03:13 AM

Granted. Have fun with your Unown!

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I wish that every single Danganronpa killing game results in everyone living.

Granted. Dangan Ronpa's now just a super niche and boring visual novel where nothing happens past the first chapter.

I wish my town was consistently at a mild temperature.

It's been 3000 years…

Granted. Your town gets struck by a heat wave and snow fall simultaneously, which cancel out each other and cause your town to get sunk in water.

I wish I could master any Stock Market and gain massive stonks.

Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Oct 21st 2020 at 9:16:41 AM

Granted, but you're immediately arrested for massive tax fraud. Your legal bills quickly eclipse your share of the stock market, and you lose your shares in the process. You are then unable to access your money due to your frozen accounts, and you languish in prison. Not even a nice rich-people prison, not even an okay public prison, but a San Joaquin Privately-owned supermax prison, notable for overcrowding and poor conditions. You get shanked by another prisoner over theft of bread.

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I wish to have the best stuff by any means necessary, including no one else having any stuff.

Stop sandwich posting.

Edited by Florien on Oct 21st 2020 at 9:43:29 AM

Warning: System error. Cannot respond. Reboot in progress...

Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Oct 21st 2020 at 9:49:52 AM

Granted - you have the best stuff and no one else has any stuff. Humanity beats a path to your door, a wall of bodies after your stuff. You Walk the Earth, fearful that your stuff would be taken, no two night in the same place.

I wish I could be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon and with all the strength of a raging fire be mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be on The First 48

Granted. This violates the inverse square law in some way and your knees buckle under the weight of your intense might.

I wish Better Call Saul season 6 would come out earlier.

This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. This troper does not intend to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Granted, but of course, it’s terrible. Like, it’s a full-on Continuity Reboot disguised as a new season.

I wish I were the smartest person in the world.

Granted, but in an Idiocracy-like universe where you're the only person that doesn't like Idiocracy.

I wish I had 20 USD.

This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. This troper does not intend to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Granted, but you didn't bring any other money and the bridge out of the genie's cave just so happens to have a toll of exactly $20.01, so you are trapped forever.

I wish the genie was Actually a Doombot.

Granted. The real Doctor Doom comes in and vaporizes you on the spot for making him waste one of his Doom Bots.

I wish that people were forced to rhyme when communicating all the time.

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Granted. However, if somebody says the word orange, they no longer have to do so. Everybody finds out about this, and escape the requirement to rhyme in no time.

I wish I could hang out with anybody I wanted at any time.

Granted. You don't get to decide what you or your friends get to do when you hang out. So you get to hang out with a friend who suddenly wants to kill you.

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I wish that I could become a Magical Girl.

Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Oct 28th 2020 at 7:35:50 AM

Granted! You become a Magical Girl ... and are now a Child Soldier fighting Eldritch Abominations, ghosts, Kaiju and criminals. Every spy agency is after you, the forces of evil attack your family and you get sued by every manga and anime studio for "ripping off their characters".

I wish I could have a rock to wind a piece of string around....

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be on The First 48

Granted, the rock is Kryptonite, and you just happen to suddenly be Superman now. A passing supervillain takes advantage of your inaccessible powers and sudden confusion about identity to take you down permanently. Without you, Earth is doomed.

I wish I had SCP-674 without the Foundation taking notice or even existing and without the possibility of the TV firing back.