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MP claims the entire country of Monaco to pay back a large portion of the US National Debt. Now a national hero, MP declares that every day shall be National Pizza Day. MP gets a commemorative pizza with the works, and then hunkers down in their nuclear shelter, ready to eat, when suddenly...
MP dies of natural causes.
Well, Mad pushed them down the stairs, but gravity is natural, soooooooo...
Anyway, Mad runs off with the pizza, and makes it into a Mexican pizza, renaming it to La Pizza.
However, La is also the french singular "the", so Florien and Florian fly by and steal it with an army of stereotypically french things, like enormous protests in the street. The Pizza claimed, Florien and Florian flee to the natural enemy of France, England.
Bluethorn is waiting on top of the Big Ben to catch a glimpse of Florien and Florian as soon as they come into England. When they do, he runs up and snatches the pizza.
MP can't think of anything creative to kill Bluethorn, so MP just shoves Bluethorn off of Big Ben. MP then presumes to annex Great Britain as part of the United States. And then launches Big Ben into space with a rocket, and then begins to eat The Pizza in orbit, when suddenly...
Superjohn appears, and punches a hole in Big Ben, Causing Mp to be sucked into space. Superjohn grabs the pizza and teleports himself in Texas when....
He’s shot up by bounty hunters for pizza theft. The leader of the outlaws turned out to be the seemingly pizza retired Yakuza, but now he was back in the game. And he has the pizza.
Bounty Hunters who are also outlaws? In the wild west? Looks like time for...
Florien and Florian, who form the Historical Accuracy Preservation Team!
Florien and Florian show up and immediately confiscate the bounty hunters' firearms, because gun control was at its strongest in the wild west, requiring multiple permits, and also usually requiring the firearms to be held by the town's law enforcement while the holder is staying in town (the bounty hunters have been doing neither.) They then ship the bounty hunters and Yakuza off to a mining camp in Wyoming, where they all will be miserable and make pitiful wages. Then, when, sick of the mistreatment, Yakuza and the ex-bounty hunters try to unionize, Florien and Florian lead the Pinkerton Detective Agency in to shoot, stab, and generally brutalize the striking workers. Then, Florien and Florian grab the Pizza from the broken body of Yakuza, and ride off into the sunset.
"Y'know.... All these complicated plans to capture the pizza has left me feeling a bit confused. But, to go against the norm, I shall do the most simplest plan to capture the pizza as possible!"
As Sean sneakily approaches the two Floriens, he puts two sticks of dynamite in both of their pockets. They explode and the pizza carefully descends into Seans loving hands.
"Now... if there is anyone who dares to take MY pizza, I will likely give them this other stick of dynamite as a reward."
Sean: "Wait, where's my dynamite?"
*Dynamite stick hits the ground near Sean, hissing*
Sean: "Wait WHA-"
Libre: "Welp, it got dirty. Whatever. It didn't hit the ground for long."
MP, seeing that Libre is new to this pizza catching business, decides to leave Libre a bone by leaving a slice of Pizza. After eating the pizza slice, MP promptly shoots Libre.
MP: Sorry, newbie. It's just business.
MP then takes the pizza, only to encounter...
Whistle, who collides with MP, dislodging the pizza from their hands. She and they race to grab the pizza, but...
Superjohn runs both of them over with his Monster truck, then grabs the pizza and drives off into the distance, not noticing who was hitching a ride on his monster truck...
Like a bobbit worm, Libre emerges from underneath the truck's gear stick, grabbing and severely dislocating Superjohn's right arm and steering wheel. He then grabs the pizza, kicks and dislocates the door open, jumping out of the truck before it capsizes and gets crushed under it's own weight with Superjohn still stuck in it. Seems off that one could leave a truck from under the gear stick so easily...
Ya teleports to the pizza’s location and then takes it and teleports to a distant planet where there are pizzas for oceans. He throws the pizza into the pizza ocean.
Sylvi, with her keen Miqo'te eyesight, is able to positively identify The Pizza at a glance, and quickly retrieve it from the pizza ocean. Then she jumps into my avatar, steals the AMR from Wally's Shooter, and teleports herself to an undefined "safe location".
The "Safe location" takes the extremely obvious pun route, and turns out to be a safe inside a bank in Togo. Florien and Florian are at that very same bank, attempting to commit fraud to steal trillions of West African CFA Francs to finance their vague operations. Once they enter the vault with a bank teller, they find Sylvi there, with the Pizza.
Well, this is unexpected!
But not unprepared for.
Florian then punches the bank teller in the face, steals their glasses, and converts the glasses into a shiv in less than a second. Florian then shivs the bank teller to death to death while Florien grabs the Pizza and frames Sylvi for the murder. The pair then run out into the streets of Lomé and into the Lomé oil refinery.
MP is there, however. He presumes to grab the pizza, douse the Flori(e/a)ns in oil, and set the entire oil refinery on fire. MP then presumes to take the Lome bank's cash for himself, paying off the rest of the US National Debt. Now an even bigger national hero, MP becomes the official President of the United States. His first act as President is to make Pizza the official national food of the US. Receiving a commemorative pizza with the works, MP launches into space with a rocket to the ISS, ready to eat The Pizza, when suddenly...
Edited by MOARPYLONZ on Dec 28th 2020 at 7:00:35 AM
Libre hijacks the High-Energy Concentration Orbital Railgun (HECOR) and fires a tungsten rod at the rocket before it reaches the ISS, sending the pizza flying far from MP's hands via rapid decompression. Libre fires another rod and rides it to grab the pizza. Problem is, once he lands, someone has prepared some toys for the pizza...
Guma appears with some toys: rubber duckies, blocks, jacks-in-the-box, the like; all conjured by the Eye Ruby. This means that they’re possessed by the Devil! They hijack the HECOR and throw Libre overboard, allowing Guma to take the pizza.
... except Awe hijacks the HECOR with the assistance of another HECOR, the action which is commonly referred to as 'crashing right into it'. because somehow the HECOR now are giant railguns with wheels on it, making for a very bizarre karting vehicle mostly known for its tendency to destroy everything rather than actually racing.
awe then snags the pizza and jumps off the HECOR mess, then proceeds to do a 1080-720 XYZ AXIS TRIPLE KILL HARDCORE NOSCOPE SPINDASH ROCKER AWESOME MANIAX SPINJUMP, which promptly breaks his legs upon landing due to the sheer amount of tricks and lack of focus in the actual part of landing with your feet. leaving the pizza free to claim.
Edited by Awe921 on Dec 30th 2020 at 11:39:10 AM
Sylvi prepares to avenge herself —
and then realizes this is just regular Awe, not TM Awe, and settles for casually picking up the pizza and hitting him with Break as a taunt. And Regen, because it looks like he's in a lot of pain.
Meanwhile, on earth, a global economic crisis is underway, spurred by Pylons paying off the US national debt. Without valuable and useful international currency in the form of US government bearer bonds, international trade slows. Florien and Florian poise themselves as the joint saviors of the global economy with the long forgotten SIGIL OF ECONOMICS! With the power of Keynes, a little bit but not too much of Smith, NO HYECK, and more Keynes, the economies of the world are re-stabilized.
Florien and Florian use their newfound influence to imprison threats to the economy, and also Sylvi, because she was next to the prison truck and the guards thought "eh, might as well." Florien and Florian receive the Pizza, and embark on a world tour to receive accolades for saving the global trade network.
Libre blows up SCP-3721-1, causing SCP-3721-2 to go beserk, kinetically bombarding the Earth with space-debris based bombardment rods, wrecking the world's economy once again. Florien and Florian drop their pizza to fix the world's economy, at which point Libre snatches the pizza, and goes off to permanently destroy SCP-3721-2, only managing to eat the inside of a single slice (no crust eaten) before someone yells at him for savouring the crust for last...
Edited by SomeLibre on Dec 31st 2020 at 5:24:21 PM
Vjoi uses SCP-2000 to reset the universe, after that he infiltrate's the foundation and presses the button to release all scps.
in the chaos that ensues he uses SCP-294 to order "A cup of THE PIZZA", taking the illogically pizza containing cup with him as he escapes the riots riding 682.
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