I don’t know why you clicked on my page. Are you sure you weren’t trying to visit someone else’s?
Really? Well, you’re probably wasting your time. But while you’re here, I guess I can tell you a bit about myself. Just don’t blame me if you don’t like what you hear.
I’m no one important, really. A distant cousin to a minor lord, too distant and too minor to be important, or anything. I work here at the Wall. It’s cold. The Lord Commander (Qorgyle, not Mormont) knew I would be useless as a ranger, so he made me a steward. It’s a job, I suppose. The retirement plan is awful, but it is what it is.
I don’t really get up to a lot of exciting things. That’s not something I resent, but I do wonder why I was the one who got a page. Are you sure Samwell Tarly wasn’t supposed to have the page?
At any rate, everything is miserable and we’re all doomed. Some folk call me a pessimist, but that’s just how my series is. Everyone is going to die horribly. Knowing me, I’ll probably be next.
I don’t know why you would want to see these tropes, but here you are anyway.
- Black Comedy: Well, we live in a mad world. If pointing that out is funny, then I’m a mummer.
- Cosmic Plaything: Nothing ever goes well for me. I just accept it. Not much has happened to me lately, but that just means I’m due for some more misfortune soon.
- Deadpan Snarker: What? No. Never.
- Dork Horse Candidate: I ran for Lord Commander, and even got some votes. I would have been an awful Lord Commander, but Janos Slynt would have been worse.
- The Eeyore: I wish. The gloomy donkey lives a peaceful life, while I have to worry about being murdered by wildings or even my own sworn brothers, and that’s saying nothing of the cold and the Others that thrive on it.
- Gallows Humor: The stewards’ page says “Edd doesn't just whistle while walking past the graveyard. He brings an accordion and asks the occupants if they have any special requests.” But I would be so awful with the accordion that the dead would come back to life to kill me just to get some peace and quiet. Maybe that’s why the Others are coming back.
- Hidden Depths: A compliment? It’s wasted on me, but thanks anyway.
- The Squire: Lord Snow probably should have chosen someone else to squire for him, but I’ll do my best.
