Airdate: Monday, June 11, 2007
Sender: Kyle Williams, North Ogden, Utah
Strong Bad: (rapping) Check the deck, y'all! Press eject, y'all! Well, it's another email and I'm about to reject y'all!
Kyle from "Eww-tah" is concerned about rumors that The Paper is calling it quits, and if such is unfortunately the truth, asks Strong Bad if he could share some of the best moments he's had with The Paper.
Strong Bad: No, The Paper's not quitting, Kyle, you total Ogdenite! Ol' Papes is at the top of his game, the prime of his time, the cusp of his stuff!
(The printer falls onto Strong Bad, knocking him over)
Strong Bad: Ow!
(The printer falls onto Strong Bad, knocking him over)
Strong Bad: Ow!
It turns out The Paper really is on its last legs, much to Strong Bad's horror and distress ("Why do all my thirty-year-old electronics keep breaking on me?!") Strong Bad and the dying Paper look back on the good times they shared. It starts by going back to the day The Paper was born, and when it first met Li'l Strong Bad, who was waiting for Li'l Strong Sad to finish using the computer.
Li'l Strong Bad: Hurry up, Diaper Stripe! I wanna print out that butt I made out of hyphens and dollar signs!
(Li'l Strong Sad hits a key. The Paper, reading "Preeeeow, world.", comes out of the printer)
Li'l Strong Bad: Did you hear that? It said "Preeeeow!"
(Li'l Strong Sad hits a key. The Paper, reading "Preeeeow, world.", comes out of the printer)
Li'l Strong Bad: Did you hear that? It said "Preeeeow!"
Strong Bad also reminisces on The Paper's strong defense game on basketball, his "goth" and "preppy" phases, the time he saved the Lappy from Homestar trying to pour Mountain Dew on it, and the time he saved Strong Bad from an inexplicably sinking island.
Strong Bad: I can't believe this is really it!
(Cut to a close-up of The Paper. With a last, dying, "preeeowww", it prints out "iT is Tiime. YOU kNOw WhHat to dO.")
Strong Bad: Farewell, my stripèd friend...
(Strong Bad sets The Paper on fire with his BMW lighter, causing it to burn up into ashes that read "BYE NOW")
Strong Sad: (singing forlornly) And The Paper goeth into the... niiiiiight!
(Cut to a close-up of The Paper. With a last, dying, "preeeowww", it prints out "iT is Tiime. YOU kNOw WhHat to dO.")
Strong Bad: Farewell, my stripèd friend...
(Strong Bad sets The Paper on fire with his BMW lighter, causing it to burn up into ashes that read "BYE NOW")
Strong Sad: (singing forlornly) And The Paper goeth into the... niiiiiight!
Some time later, Strong Bad, with the help of Bubs, finally moves on to a new inkjet printer, although the result isn't quite what he expected it to be.
Strong Bad: Alright, now hit us with some Preeow 2.0!
(with a slow and steady start, New Paper comes down for the very first time. Alongside the new font, colors, and sound, it contains an image of a key with "@" drawn on the left, and an image of an envelope with Strong Bad's face peeking out of it drawn on the right.)
Strong Bad: What the? How am I ever supposed to pronounce that garglemesh? (imitating inkjet printer sounds) Heunh heownh heunh heownh vvvvvt eangt clonk-a-donk! Doesn't quite roll off the tongue. Alright New Paper, you are officially on trial status. So ya better get to impressin'!
(New Paper comes down a bit more, printing out an ASCII art butt with the caption "(but, a butt)")
Strong Bad: Hm, well... that's a start.
(with a slow and steady start, New Paper comes down for the very first time. Alongside the new font, colors, and sound, it contains an image of a key with "@" drawn on the left, and an image of an envelope with Strong Bad's face peeking out of it drawn on the right.)
Strong Bad: What the? How am I ever supposed to pronounce that garglemesh? (imitating inkjet printer sounds) Heunh heownh heunh heownh vvvvvt eangt clonk-a-donk! Doesn't quite roll off the tongue. Alright New Paper, you are officially on trial status. So ya better get to impressin'!
(New Paper comes down a bit more, printing out an ASCII art butt with the caption "(but, a butt)")
Strong Bad: Hm, well... that's a start.
Tropes:
- ASCII Art: Young Strong Bad types a butt made of hyphens and dollar signs. Many years later, New Paper prints it out.
- Animate Inanimate Object: The Paper (and its printer) is a sentient being.
- Brick Joke: The first flashback has Strong Bad wanting to print out a butt made of hyphens and dollar signs. The end of the email has New Paper printing it out.
- Call-Back: "montage" predicted that The Paper would be replaced by an inkjet printer in email 173.
- Comically Missing the Point: The Paper ties up Homestar to stop him from pouring Mountain Dew on the Lappy. Homestar tries to lie about what he was doing, but thinks The Paper only objects to the type of soda he was using.Homestar: Look, I was just trying to pour Mountain Dew on it! Ohwait. I mean Mello Yello on it! Ohwait. I mean Sierra Mist! Fresca! Surge!
- Also this line from Strong Bad after The Paper's printer falls from the ceiling:Strong Bad: Why do all my 30-year old electronics keep breaking on me?!
- Also this line from Strong Bad after The Paper's printer falls from the ceiling:
- Continuity Nod:
- The Paper once saved the Lappy from Homestar pouring Mountain Dew on it. An Easter Egg also shows Homestar singing the theme from The Never Ending Story, like he did in the email "anything".
- When The Paper saves Strong Bad from a sinking island, the theme music from the Population: Tire game plays.
- Homestar and Coach Z try to start up another Serendipitous Symphony similar to "One Two, One Two" in an Easter Egg, but Strong Bad shuts them down.
- Darker and Edgier: The Paper's "goth phase", where he printed out black text on dark purple, spiked paper dripping blood.
- "Far Side" Island: The Paper once saved Strong Bad from a tiny isle with a palm tree in the middle of the ocean.
- Leaning on the Fourth Wall: "I remember the day you were born like it was about to happen in a wavy flashback..." [cue wavy screen transition]
- Load-Bearing Boss: Discussed during a flashback to Strong Bad stranded on a deserted island.Strong Bad: How is this island sinking? I didn't even kill any end-bosses!
- Noodle Incident: It's never explained what Strong Bad was doing on the island, how he ended up there, nor what caused it to starting sinking. We also don't find out what The Paper was doing in Pyongyang, North Korea.
- Reality Warper: The Paper can bend space-time so it can appear wherever it wants.
- Replacement Scrappy: In-Universe. Strong Bad is unimpressed by New Paper, and this leads into a mini-arc of New Paper trying and/or failing to meet up to Strong Bad's standards that continues over the next five emails.
- Shout-Out: In the flashback to The Paper's "birth", Strong Sad is wearing Charlie Brown's iconic yellow and black striped shirt.
- Something We Forgot: An Easter egg shows that everyone just left Homestar tied up in The Paper for several hours.
- Tempting Fate: Strong Bad insists that "Ol' Papes is at the top of his game, the prime of his time, the cusp of his stuff!" Cue The Paper's printer falling down.
- Unwilling Suspension: The Paper ties Homestar up and leaves him hanging upside down from the ceiling.
(Cut to Homestar still dangling from the ceiling, wrapped up in The Paper)
Homestar: (singing, to the tune of the theme from "The Neverending Story") The blood is rushing to my heeead... blacking out, blacking out, blacking out...
Homestar: (singing, to the tune of the theme from "The Neverending Story") The blood is rushing to my heeead... blacking out, blacking out, blacking out...
(Cut to Homestar in the gym, dribbling an American football)
Homestar: Dribble dribble, shoot! Dribble dribble, shoot shoot! (continues as Coach Z joins in)
Coach Z: Ooh, dang! (claps four times) Ooh, dang! (claps four times)
(Both continue as Strong Bad joins in)
Strong Bad: Look, we're not doing this again! Look, we're not doing this again! (Record Needle Scratch, Coach Z and Homestar stop) WE'RE REALLY NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!
(buzzer sounds, the scoreboard in the background changes from "?" to "G")
Homestar: Dribble dribble, shoot! Dribble dribble, shoot shoot! (continues as Coach Z joins in)
Coach Z: Ooh, dang! (claps four times) Ooh, dang! (claps four times)
(Both continue as Strong Bad joins in)
Strong Bad: Look, we're not doing this again! Look, we're not doing this again! (Record Needle Scratch, Coach Z and Homestar stop) WE'RE REALLY NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!
(buzzer sounds, the scoreboard in the background changes from "?" to "G")
