We start today's proceedings in Will's Spanish class, a V/O exclaiming how he feels like his "old" self again now that Sue's lost her Regionals due to the Unholy Trinity defecting to New Directions and thus her budget goes to him, he's past Terri and over Emma. Yeah, gotta call Blatant Lies on that last one. Speak of the devilish purity and she appears to inform Will that apparently, Sue is distraught enough to try and shuffle off this mortal coil. Right. Wemma finds a supposed Sue-icide note in her journal as we find and hit the Title Card.
Wemma arrive at Sue's trophy case I mean house, where they find her supposedly expired among bottles of gummy vitamins; she of course has the ability to suppress her own pulse for shits and giggles. This whole exercise is Sue's way of lamenting her own failure, Wemma not wanting any part of it. We cut to Sam finding Quinn and confirming a supposed date, only for Quinn to shakily agree. His V/O explains that Q's been acting weird since she got mono and that everyone insists she kissed Finn but that he believes a tall tale of her saving Finn's life. We cut to last week's kissing booth where, in a slight variant on the "Rashomon"-Style, we see that Finn inexplicably has a tub of gumballs and like the idiot he is wont to be, tries to swallow one, choking him and causing her to administer CPR, somehow using incredible lung power to remove the gumball from his trachea while wishing he was another person with amazing lung capacity... what? Anyway, since one came up with the tall tale and the other believed it... Quam, you're a pair of idiots. Cut back to Sam saying he almost choked on a gumball once, while Q sits there feeling the rare combo of guilty and bemused. The V/O continues by Sam saying that he knows she's into him, but that he correctly feels like he's losing her. We then see Finn appear in front of Sam to reinforce that fact. Sam says his dad had a saying; that the two ways to get a woman to love you are hunting and Rock and Roll. Three guesses which way Sam goes and indeed we cut to him deciding the best way to woo Quinn... is Justin Bieber. No Sammy, you stop that, you stop that right now. We then cue a montage of him trying his material at a bat mitzvah. Oy. In any case, apparently the non-gentiles haven't heard a good song in years, as the girls in the crowd attack Sam, who in turn sees this as a positive. Evans, you're an interesting person.
Speaking of interesting people, especially one who a season and a half from now will be dating Sam in one of the most idiotic plot lines in Glee history, we cut to Brittany being accosted by Rachel; seems Brit took some of her legwarmers and are wearing them on her arms. Turns out that since accepting the temporary loss of Finn, Rachel's been trying a "resurgence", figuring a way to do that is to give Brittany half of her allowance in order to take Rachel's look and make it popular. Brit-Brit went with the legwarmers over the animal sweaters, then, being her, decided to wear the legwarmers on her arms. Rachel tells Brit to make sure that if anyone asks to name drop Rachel Berry and you know this won't end the way she wants. Cut to a trail of books leading to a trail of terror, as Sue unleashes her anger on everyone, specifically the obvious targets. In other words, Tuesday. Will notices this and tells Emma as such, saying that Sue's got nothing to lose and that makes her twice as dangerous. Said sadsack arrives with a noose which causes Will to make her sit down. He asks if anything good happened since she lost and Sue points out one moment, specifically hearing a good song and belting it out. Naturally, this leads to Emma saying Sue should join ND for a number, pointing out both Will's belief in the power of music and the fact that some studies show it helps with depression. A pamphlet is then provided, "I AM TOO DEPRESSED TO OPEN THIS PAMPHLET". When both Will and Sue object, Emma reminds them of two episodes prior when the Titans teamed with ND. Um, Emma? That lead to a near riot, the ND girls having to join the team, and a certain Armored Closet Gay reinforcing the armor. Quit while you're behind.
Sue, clearing hitting her Despair Event Horizon, says she'd do anything. Seems Emma hit it on the head as we cut to ND reacting in predictable fashion. Sue says she's neutralized (she so is not), and that all she wants is to snap out of her depression. Will then reveals the other Regionals challenger besides the Warblers: The Not-At-All-Stupidly-Named Aural Intensity from Regionals last year. Also, the show choir governing board is offering a theme and a team score is determined on how that adapt to that theme, which is "Anthem". Will then asks what it is while ignoring attempted Teacher's Pet Rachel and Brittany, naturally, responds in kind:
It's the bottom of an ant's pants. Heather Morris, you're a treasure.
We get the true meaningnote , followed by Sam who cut his hair Bieber style. Quinn utters You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!, speaking for us all, while Puck states the new do makes Sam's mouth bigger. Eh. Sam has a number prepared that he erroneously calls an "anthem". Yes, an anthem for earplugs. Afterwards, as we see Santana get a look in her eyes like she wants to swallow him whole and as such her repression of her feelings for Brittany seems to hit a peak, we return from break to Sam in the bathroom as Artie, Puck and Mike approach and say they want in. Seems that while they themselves don't really care about the Biebs, smart men, that do know they could use his music to impress their respective women. We then see that their relationships are in a post-Valentines Day lull, Tina playing Angry Birds while making out with Mike as an example. Artie says that on V-Day, women get an endorphin rush, which obviously wears off afterward and thus they need something to kickstart it again. We see that Puck wants in do to being at the end of his rope with trying to impress Zizes, when Finnegan approaches and does point out the dubious quality of the person the other ND men are trying to channel. This info turns into Finn and Sam asserting themselves over Quinn before Sam accepts the others into the "Justin Bieber Experience".
Cut to Rachel's To-Do Listnote as she turns from her locker to reveal legwarmers on the arms of the bulk of the McKinley female population. Rachel is of course displeased as it turns out Brittany took credit for this fashion sense, took Rachel's allowance and used it on a hungry goat. Yes. Rachel responds by going to plan R, namely have Brit dress as her and in an obvious joke, says she dresses at "Kids 'R Us", which does explain a lot. Cut to Sue's journal where it seems Sue's been reinvigorated. As some may have guessed, Sue used her "depression" to infiltrate ND and nuke it from within, invoking the divide and conquer strategy. Mercedes arrives and Sue weaves a tale of wanting to sing and needing advice, specifically on being a Diva. Mercedes respond with how being a Diva is about attitude. We then see Sue with Rachel, who gets the same question and says being a Diva is about emotion. We then get Sue's play, whispering in the respective ears about how one has basic general dislike for the other. The two confront each other and the diva-off is on as Sue stands amused.
We return from break to see Finn get too familiar as he asks Quinn out only for her to remind him she hasn't chosen yet. If only she'd choose neither of them. We then see Sam and his Bieber brethren enter and give Mercedes cause to pray for her sanity. And ours. All the respective ND women sit confused, especially at Noah's obvious wig. The boys go into the sadly not-Queen "Somebody to Love"; afterwards, we cut to all the ND girls going absolutely nuts. Poor girls, they know not what they've done. Finn sits there perplexed at how Justin Bieber, of all people, can touch the girls' hearts and make them fangirl so much. Cut to Tina and Brittany fawning over their men, while Quinn tells Finn she's choosing Sam. Meanwhile, the only girl who no sold the attempted wooing is, no surprise, Zizes. Puck's at the end of his rope, but Zizes does offer a hook to be announced at a later date. Cut to Quinn giving Sam her best eyes; unfortunately for her, she chooses to leave as a certain closeted lesbian approaches who by this point probably sees the blond hair and thinks close enough. Santana approaches and, knowing enough to know Fuinn is inevitable, announces intentions. And this is where both Hilarious in Hindsight and Harsher in Hindsight intersect, as two seasons from now, these two will fight over the real love of Santana's life in another byproduct of Murphy being a complete asshole.
After the break, we see Finn pouting over not having Quinn, expressing disbelief that it was Justin Bieber that moved her. Quinn says yes she expected it to suck but Sam just simply owned it and that it turned her on. Dear god Fabray are you that repressed?!note Finn stands there more dumbfounded than usual (and yes that is saying something) before getting a half-smirk of mischief as we cut to Zizes in the wrestling ring asserting herself as Noah sits in the stands aroused. Zizes approaches and it seems she couldn't avoid the inevitable forever, as she wants to do a number. Thing is, she's understandably nervous as well, and asks Puck for advice. He offers the classic scenario of picturing everyone in their undershorts, a way of seeing the audience as more vulnerable. Zizes ponders as we cut to the choir room, Rachel entering alongside Brittany clad in the generic Berry ensemble, while Finnegan, clearly desperate, arrives in the basic Bieber hoodie. Quam arrives, Quinn clad in armwarmers and a look of disbelief, as Will announces the diva-off, with some Rent as the weapon of choice. And yes, Rachel gets the obvious abstract Actor Allusion based lines. Unfortunately for Sue, common sense prevailed and Rachcedes embrace. Cut to Sue being summoned to Will's office, where he offers to take her someplace to help with her comeback, and no, it's not a date, although knowing Will's latent animal magnetism...
After the break, we cut to Will and Sue in a children's hospital where every month, Will sings to the kids getting long-term care. Sue of course tries to bolt, but Will points out that behind the chrome, ND is simply about music, and how it can heal people. Sue is reluctant, but agrees as we cut to the two of them in a playroom, cuing up the old spiritual "This Little Light of Mine", Sue briefly letting her guard down to remind us that even a Chaotic Neutral has emotions. Speaking of, Mood Whiplash! Cut to a McKinley full of the Rachel Berry collection. Yes, headbands, animal sweaters, plaid skirts, tights and loafers abound as we see Quintanna praise each others looks. Funny, Q's wearing Rachel's clothes like it's not the first time... hmm. Anyway, Tina approaches, followed by the originator. Or at least, the actual originator as it appears Brittany took the credit for the trend. Displeased, she confronts the approaching Brit-Brit who says she hired a publicist. Seems Jacob Ben Israel (fuck me why) took a pic, and a website named her Trendiest Girl in America. Rachel is dilapidated, and it doesn't help that Brittany then lays down a mild "The Reason You Suck" Speech, saying she's not a trendsetter, that when people look at her they don't look at the clothes but instead a "cat getting its temperature taken and then they hear it screaming". Harsh Brit-Brit. Cut to the choir room and Zizes' performance. Taking Puck's advice, we see Zizes imagine ND in their undershorts and ho boy what a visualnote . Tina and Brittany provide the backup and it's shaky at first, but eventually Zizes warms up and is not bad, motorboating Artie who promptly thanks the deities he's still alive and pushing Brittina down like your basic submissives. Afterwards, we cut to Sam trying impressions of Santana of all people, who ironically reacts like Brittany for some reason. Anyway, Santana cuts to the quick and reinforces intentions to have him. When Sam points out he's with Quinn, Santana makes it clear that Q's story was shit and that she stepped out on him with Finnegan. Santana offers herself and an chance for Sam to assert dominance over Finn.
Cut to Will's office where Sue points out that none of ND actually performed an anthem. This causes Will to ask if Sue wants to do one, and she admits the trip to the hospital got to her. The catch is, all of ND join her, and thank god no Bieber. Will agrees and here we get the first time Jane Lynch gets to join in on an ND number, some MCR to suit the mood, complete with flannel. Afterwards, we start the home stretch with Quinn approaching Sam, only for him to call her out on kissing Finnegan and once again, Quinn's lies cost her. You know, there IS one person you've never actually lied to. Just saying. Cut to the choir room where Will reluctantly thanks Sue for giving them the idea to use "Sing" for Regionals. Yeah that ain't happening. Rachel has a point in that between Aural Intensity and the Warblers they need their best material and she thinks MCR ain't it. If you want the best material... write it yourself. Rachel proposes original songs for Regionals and the rest of ND are no go. Sue arrives and henceforth the gleeks know she's there to finally pay Will back for the Unholy Trinity leaving the Cheerios!. In this case, it's becoming Aural Intensity's director. Sue leaves as Will engages in an epic Face Palm while we cut to Finn finding Rachel and telling her that she has a good idea in original music, ending the proceedings by saying the "old" Rachel might be making a comeback. Rachel smiles and we're out.
- Baby by Justin Bieber feat. Ludacris, performed by Artie and Sam
- Somebody to Love by Justin Bieber feat. Usher, performed by The Justin Bieber Experience
- Take Me Or Leave Me from RENT, performed by Rachel and Mercedes
- This Little Light of Mine, performed by Will and Sue, with the children inpatients
- I Know What Boys Like by The Waitresses, performed by Lauren with Brittany and Tina
- Sing by My Chemical Romance, performed by New Directions and Sue
- Actor Allusion: One of the notes in Quinn's locker mentions A Fuchsia Elephant, and another tells her to Call Charlie. The first is the name of a film Dianna Agron made, the second is one of her nicknames/alter-ego.
- Casting Gag: Rachel sings the part of Maureen in her RENT duet — this part was originated by Idina Menzel, who plays Rachel's mother.
- Fangirl: Almost all the New Directions girls are huge Justin Bieber fangirls.
- Freeze-Frame Bonus: Rachel's locker tells her to audition for Avatar on Ice.
- Les Yay: When the spit of Idina Menzel duets on "Take Me or Leave Me" along side a Sassy Black Woman, the subtext is not being well hidden. Quinn, the only one in the room besides Rachel (who's singing) and Will that has a weirdly extensive knowledge of Musicals, even gives it the Fascinating Eyebrow.
- "Not Important to This Episode" Camp: Chris Colfer & Darren Criss get the week off.
- Squee!: The New Directions girls go absolutely crazy during the performance of Somebody to Love, much to Finn's shock and confusion.