Airdate: January 27, 2013
When Peter discovers Joe has a student ID he took from a kid that gave him lip, Peter, Quagmire and Joe visit the Harvard University campus for lunch and have a wild night on the town. A drunken Quagmire accidentally marries a prostitute named Charmisse. She refuses to let go of their relationship and Quagmire starts to consider divorce until Joe points out that he could lose everything. Quagmire tries to make the best of it but Charmisse cannot pull herself far enough out of the gutter for his tastes. When Quagmire is reluctant to pursue their relationship, Charmisse questions if he is gay and when she says the marriage would be over if true, Quagmire pretends to be gay.
- Accidental Marriage: Quagemire's marriage to Charmisse, while drunk.
- Ambiguously Bi: After Peter and Quagmire's awkward attempt to convince Charmisse they're gay, Charmisse realises that they're not gay. Peter, however, says this:Well, I'm something, because I've been at full sail for the last half-hour.
- Artistic License – Law: Apparently, Joe and Quagmire have never heard of an annulment, where, legally, the latter's marriage to Charmisse is declared to have never happened, especially in circumstances like this (i.e marrying someone while drunk). Likewise, a marriage would be unlikely if Quagmire was drunk when he signed the papers, as he wouldn't have been legally able to consent.
- Divorce Assets Conflict: Joe tells Quagmire 'he' can't just divorce Charmisse, as the towns divorce laws are draconian and heavily side with the woman. If Quagmire tries to divorce Charmisse its very likely she could take everything from him.
- Fan Disservice: How Charmisse dresses is this, especially when she is seen in lingerie. Let's just say that time and hard living did not do her any favors.
- Groin Attack: Charisse once got stabbed in the vagina on Christmas.
- Hooker with a Heart of Gold: Charmisse, especially when she decides to grant Glenn his divorce, thanking him for being so nice to her.
- Lint Value: Lois and Peter invite Quagmire and Charmise (his prostitute accidental wife) over for dinner, and Chris throws a $5 at Charmise and asks her to do something to him. She spits in his face.
- Mass "Oh, Crap!": At the very end after everything they did, Peter notices that Quagmire's laptop has a blinking red light. The camera is on and the last shot is of Lois, Brian, Meg, and Chris looking at their laptop in complete shock (with Stewie then walking in and asking what they're watching).
- Serious Business: Peter and Lois get into a huge debate about having "breakfast for dinner" and how little sense it makes to Lois, with Peter seeing nothing wrong with it. He mentions that it's not the first time the argument has come up, either.Lois: PANCAKES ARE NOT A NIGHTTIME FOOD!
- Sorry, I'm Gay: Quagmire uses this to get out of his marriage. It backfires when Charisse makes him prove it.
- Spanner in the Works: Quagmire does this to himself. After successfully convincing Charmisse he's gay, Quagmire settles in for some straight porn mere moments after she leaves. It never occurred to him the woman who's been living with him for days might have some belongings she'd come back for.
- Unwanted Spouse: Charmisse. Somehow, Quagmire got married to her while drunk and she seems nice enough but we all know how Quagmire's lifestyle and that Quahog's laws means he can't divorce without losing everything unless she agrees.
- Vague Age: It's stated that Charmisse worked as a prostitute for about 40 years, which would mean she would have been working since 1973note , placing her in her mid-fifties at the most. It was also never mentioned how old she was when she started working as a prostitute.
- Your Princess Is in Another Castle!: Just when it looks like Charmisse is out of Quagmire's life, she comes back for her prescription mouthwash, catches him watching straight porn, and calls off the divorce unless Quagmire proves his homosexuality.
