Funny / The Mallorca Files

• "Honour amongst Thieves":
  • Miranda says "who would want to live in a place like this?" when she is sitting in the sunshine in a beautiful plaza in Palma.
  • Max and Federico argue about which golf club is best to beat someone to death with.
  • Max's schmoozing and dancing at Niall Taylor's wake.
  • Inés says it's wonderful that someone is killing off the members of a criminal gang and asks if they'd like a medal from the king of Mallorca.
  • Christian tricks Max into letting on that he thinks Miranda is beautiful.
• "King of the Mountains":
  • Max says an arrogant cyclist is "humiliated, off the narcissist scale, and French".
  • Miranda 'unicorns' Max with her ice cream cone for lying to her.
• "Number One Fan":
  • Inés winds Miranda up by referring to Max as "your boyfriend". Max doesn't help by entering and calling Miranda his "favourite lady".
  • Max pauses in the middle of a chase to help a woman carry her pram up some steps.
  • Max tricks Miranda into thinking it's Inés's 50th birthday, getting her into trouble with the boss, who is only 45.
• "Sour Grapes":
  • Miranda swindles Max out of some money in a wine-tasting competition. She has cheated with Joan's help, but she doesn't give the money back.
  • Miranda says she's very different to Carmen and Margalida Byass. Max replies that she's "not unattractive".. She meant she couldn't work with her dad.
  • Inés mocks Miranda's desire for praise by saying she could get a sticker chart going.
• "To Kill a Stag":
  • After he has gone undercover as a married man, Max and Miranda struggle to get Max's wedding ring off. Federico and some others eavesdrop outside the room where they are trying to remove it, hearing Max's cries of "you're bending it the wrong way", "that's it!", and "ah! yes!", while Miranda says they need some butter. When they come out Inés is standing there, but they offer her no explanation.
• "Friend Henry":
  • Max talks about classical composers he likes... and Hasselhoff.
• "Death in the Morning":
  • Max recommends a bullfighting documentary called 'Horns of Steel' to Miranda. She says it sounds like a porno and he tells her that's why he watched it.
  • Max ignores Miranda's warning not to run from a bull and they have to flee and climb up into a tree. When the bull's owner fires a shot to scare the bull off, he aims too close to Max, who ends up falling out of the tree. Miranda asks if he's ok, to which he replies "no".
  • Max and the bull rancher Manu have a macho showdown in front of Miranda, whose honour Max is trying to defend.
  • A witness embarrasses Max by telling Miranda that he boasted that he'd saved her from the bull by chasing it off.
  • During a conversation about bullfighting, Max tells Miranda that she must respect other people's cultures. Miranda says that British culture is drinking 20 pints and throwing yourself off a balcony, but he doesn't respect that.
• "Mallorca's Most Wanted":
  • A drug dealer says to Max that he can't go to prison. Max plays along and tells him that they'll let him off since prison is overcrowded anyway.
  • Miranda is disgusted when Max uses her pocket knife to cut up his sausage. He protests that it's Rohwurst schnittfest. She says that's exactly what it smells like.
  • Miranda searches a cupboard for cat food while they are looking for a murder suspect. Max tells her "Charlie King's bigger than that".
  • Miranda attempts to flirt with Federico to get him to help with the case behind Inés's back. She calls him Rico for the first time.
• "Ex Factor":
  • Miranda says that her parents didn't have a TV because they thought it rotted the brain. Inés smirks and looks to Max, the pop-culture expert, saying "maybe they had a point".
  • The hostage taker Jens has a series of mix-ups where he continually thinks Max and Miranda are an item and they try to correct him.
  • Part of the song Jens sings goes "I walk the streets like a whore". Miranda's face at this line is a picture.
• "The Maestro":
  • Inés stops Max talking through the opera performance with a slap upside the head.
  • Miranda tells Max she was on a personal call, but he keeps trying to find out who she's talking to.
  • Luisa enters in a whirlwind of enthusiasm and efficiency. When she leaves Roberto declares "either we will fall madly in love or I will kill her".
  • Max gets carried away trying to be a coyboy in the Wild West theme chair, saying "yee-ha!" and asking Miranda if he can smash "just one chair".
  • An estate agent says Miranda is pale like a Maulwurf. Max translates this for her as a "mole" and does an impression.
  • Carmen asks Max if all men are born stupid or just him. He says he "can see no good way to answer that question".
  • Carmen tells Miranda she stays with Max because he always means well, and for the sex. Miranda is visibly flustered.
• "Son of a Pig":
  • Frank Bottomley says he calls his business "FBI" because he can't help it if they got there first.
  • Max reveals he's read Miranda's file because "everyone does that".
• "A Dish Served Cold":
  • Max lists his reasons for staying in Mallorca as "the sun, the sea, the sobrasada... Carmen". Miranda warns him not to tell Carmen she comes after a sausage.
  • Max watches as Miranda chases a suspect up a very long flight of steps. He is clearly not keen to start running, so he hijacks an Ape. He gets to a plateau halfway up and stops the vehicle, shouting "roadblock!", but Miranda and the suspect are already much further up. When he finally gets to the top, he crashes into a fruit stand and causes dozens of oranges to start cascading down the steps.
  • Max and Miranda try to arrest a chef and his son in their restaurant's kitchen. Miranda is threatened with a knife and grabs a courgette to defend herself, discarding it when she sees how silly it is. Max has his nose pinched, backs into a row of hanging copper pans, and struggles across the kitchen with the young man in his arms kicking and struggling. They wrestle and grunt on the floor before Max finally gets things under control.
• "The Beautiful Game":
  • Max gives Miranda an England shirt to wear for their penalty shootout, saying it's "near Wales".
  • Max has a football fantasy where he is both Germany's top scorer and a commentator cheering himself on.
  • When Max's shot sails above the goal, Miranda shouts "they think it's gone over!"
• "The Blue Feather":
  • Max comes up with some farfetched theories. Miranda says "that tux has gone to your head, Agent Winter".
  • Max gets some funny looks when he wears his suit in Pollença harbour. Miranda says "he's just miffed he didn't get the tuxedo memo".
• "The Outlaw José Rey":
  • Despite his boasting, Max is a rusty rider and has trouble controlling his horse, who goes where she wants.
  • After hours on horseback Miranda tells Max even the word chafing hurts. He smirks and says it again.