Quotes / The Mallorca Files

Throughout

Miranda Blake: What the hell, Max?!

Series 1

Honour Amongst Thieves

Miranda Blake: I don't make the rules.
Niall Taylor: No, but you obey them, right? To. The. Letter.
Miranda Blake: Right. That's why I'm not going to prison.

Inés Villegas: A man is shot dead in my airport. You understand that's something we don't want to put in the brochures?

Max Winter: I think you need a little Mallorca time. The sun is warm, the beer's cold, and the people here love life.

Miranda Blake: Who would want to live in a place like this?

Federico Ramis: Which club was it?
Max Winter: Nine iron. Heavy. Accurate. Sharp.
Federico Ramis: Not the wedge? Most people would use a wedge.
Max Winter: I think the results speak for themselves.

Miranda Blake: Why is it that Paul insists on telling everybody my entire life...
Claire Taylor: He's proud of you. That's obvious. He's just a sweet, sweet man.

Miranda Blake: Someone’s systematically killing off the whole gang.
Inés Villegas: I know. And it's wonderful. I’d love to shake them by the hand. Or perhaps they prefer some kind of a medal from the King of Mallorca!

Inés Villegas: DC Blake was forced to take six months' sick leave. Officially, mild obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Max Winter: And unofficially?
Inés Villegas: No-one can deal with her. She's obsessive. She's a workaholic. Never had a relationship.
Max Winter: That seems like a shame.

Max Winter: Goodbye, partner. I had fun.
Miranda Blake: Did you?
Max Winter: Of course. I mean, three people had to die, but apart from that... Well, what the hell, they were bad people. You'll be OK?
Miranda Blake: I'm always OK. Bye, Max.

Christian: One beautiful woman is every man's dream. Two...? Well, that's just a nightmare.
Max Winter: How did you know she was beautiful?
Christian: I didn't. I do now!

Niall Taylor: Persistence is such an overrated quality. Can get you into all sorts of trouble.

Niall Taylor: I'll be doing the country a favour.

King of the Mountains

Miranda Blake: A Spanish case, Max. Finally!
Max Winter: But Inés will cut off our arms - and everything else.

Max Winter: He's humiliated. Off the narcissist scale, and French.

Max Winter: I used to look like that… I used to cycle.

Miranda Blake: Thanks to my superior aerobic capacity, body mass index, flexibility and lifestyle, I'm a hell of a lot fitter than you.

Max Winter: You're just like my dad. Not that there's anything wrong with being ultra super competitive.
Miranda Blake: Yes, there is. People don't like you very much.
Max Winter: I like you. Well, I don't mind you.

Max Winter: Did you just unicorn me?

The Oligarch's Icon

Inés Villegas: Anything to report, Detective Winter?
Max Winter: Mm. The caviar pizzas are just delicious. But apart from that, nothing.

Miranda Blake: You're a smuggler.
Paddy Connell: A smuggler? Me? I merely acquire things that have been washed up on the tide of good fortune.

Miranda Blake: You should have listened to me because I know what the hell I'm doing.
Max Winter: Of course. And that's your own little Mallorca fantasy, isn't it? Miranda Blake saving us all with her fantastic police work.

Max Winter: You are not so perfect. That's why you're here, stuck with me.

Christian: Max Winter with the long horse face, huh? He had an argument with his girlfriend. I mean, with his other girlfriend.

Inés Villegas: Oh well, if the big bratwurst is convinced...

Inés Villegas: You sound just like my ex-husband, and believe me, that is not a good sound.

Max Winter: I got carried away, but I should have listened to you. It was a two-footed tackle, straight red, confirmed on VAR.

Max Winter: Sometimes the book is overrated.

Number One Fan

Inés Villegas: Where's your boyfriend?
Miranda Blake: OK, Max isn't my-
Max Winter: Morning! How's my favourite lady today?

Miranda Blake: I just don't understand why she dislikes me so much.
Max Winter: Well, you can be quite rude, you don't like taking orders, you drink very weak coffee. And Inés can't bear anyone who drinks weak coffee. You rarely show any human emotion, and there's that look that you give when you're really pissed- Yes!

Miranda Blake: What are you thinking?
Max Winter: How good this ice cream tastes. Want a lick?
Miranda Blake: OK, never ask me that again. Just... sounds wrong.

Miranda Blake: Just because I don't go around wearing my heart on my sleeve and being overly tactile and thinking every stranger's just a friend I haven't met yet doesn't make me inhuman, repressed or antisocial. OK?
Max Winter: Yeah. Got it. Just to confirm... you were describing me, right?

Max Winter: Now I'm in trouble with Inés and I make it my business not to be in trouble with Inés.

Miranda Blake: You know, for a man who prides himself on his emotional intelligence, you're an absolute idiot.
Max Winter: Hey! Don't kill the messenger.
Miranda Blake: It's "don't shoot the messenger", Max, that is exactly what I'd like to do.

Miranda Blake: What are you doing?
Max Winter: I call it 'the hug of friendship'. See doesn't it feel good to open up?
Miranda Blake: No.

Max Winter: I think you want to tell me, but you're too afraid to let your guard down. Let me in, Miranda.
Miranda Blake: I don't want to let anyone in. Least of all you.

Sour Grapes

Miranda Blake: What's "terroir"?
Max Winter: In a word? Somewhereness.
Miranda Blake: That isn't a word.

Max Winter: You're a good liar.
Miranda Blake: Thanks. And so is Carmen... She's very different to me. And so is Margalida Byass for that matter.
Max Winter: You're not unattractive.
Miranda Blake: I mean, I could never, ever work for my dad, but thanks.

Inés Villegas: So you lost the dog killer.
Miranda Blake: And solved an actual murder.
Inés Villegas: OK. Fine.
Miranda Blake: I think that was a "well done", Max."
Inés Villegas: I can give you a sticker if you like, Miranda. Maybe we should get a chart going.

Max Winter: Turns out German fathers can be as protective of their daughters as you Mallorcans, huh, Joan.
Joan Lorenzo: If you ever do anything to hurt Carmen, I would choose something far more painful than a bullet, eh, Max?

To Kill a Stag

Max Winter: You were lying to Vincent to make him talk, yeah? I mean, you do think it's dog-like... or my head may explode. The world has lost all logic.
Miranda Blake: If they cheat, they don't get married, and if they keep it in their shorts, they do. You guys don't corner the market on pragmatism.
Max Winter: You don't think, if they have to do the test in the first place...
Miranda Blake: What if the problem's in their head and nothing to do with the relationship? Just... let them do it. If it's going to end, it's going to end.
Max Winter: Well, I for one never analyse the relationship. Just go with the flow. Keep it simple.
Miranda Blake: Yeah, well, in my experience, once there's feelings involved, there's nothing simple about it.

Max Winter: So ten seconds on my love life. Why doesn't Carmen trust me? I'm friendly. I don't flirt. Not seriously. I'm nice to her.
Miranda Blake: Yeah. She waited all night for you and you didn't call her, so she thought you were dead.
Max Winter: I... What?
Miranda Blake: You might be nice, you might not flirt... in front of her, but you need to pick up the bloody phone. It's just bad manners.

Max Winter: How am I supposed to know she was worried? I don't have people who worry about me. We're casual.
Miranda Blake: You are. She thinks she's in a relationship. Told you. No such thing as simple.
Max Winter: And that's why you don't bother at all?

Miranda Blake: Max, hold still.
Max Winter: Yeah, I'm trying to!
Miranda Blake: Just keep it straight.
Max Winter: You push it back like that, you're bending it the wrong way! Ah!
Miranda Blake: Butter's what we need.
Max Winter: Oh, wait, yeah. There's some in my wallet. Ow! Can't you just be more gentle?
Miranda Blake: I'm trying.
Max Winter: OK, OK. That's it. That's it. That's it. Ah! Oh! That's it, that's it! Ah! That's it, that's it, that's it! Ah! Yes.
Federico Ramis: La carpeta esta...

Friend Henry

Max Winter: This looks great. Surprising, but great.
Miranda Blake: Professional choice, based on research. Allows me to blend in seamlessly with the subculture.

Miranda Blake: You like Mahler?
Max Winter: Sure. Also Beethoven. Franz Liszt. David Hasselhoff. You know, all the bases covered.

Max Winter: Yeah, I can hear you! There's some people on the pitch. They think it's all over!
Miranda Blake: Oh, for God's sake, Max.
Carmen Lorenzo: He's nervous. Whenever things get serious, he tries to pretend everything is just one big joke.
Miranda Blake: I noticed.

Miranda Blake: People... People who trusted me got hurt, or worse. And you have to deal with that. I guess some people find it easier than others.

Max Winter: The dead must rest, but the living must drink and eat and dance!

Death in the Morning

Max Winter: You could have gotten me a coffee.
Miranda Blake: I'm not your secretary, Max.
Max Winter: I didn't say you were.
Miranda Blake: Good. And stop asking me to pick up your dry cleaning.
Max Winter: I asked once.
Miranda Blake: Twice.
Max Winter: Just because you go right past my dry cleaners on your way home. Jeez, you're prickly.
Miranda Blake: See, you wouldn't describe a man as being prickly. He'd be assertive.
Max Winter: Jeez, you're assertive.
Miranda Blake: If you organised yourself a bit better in the mornings, you'd have time to get your own coffee.

Max Winter: If you're interested, there's a brilliant documentary about the bullfight. Cuernos de Acero.
Miranda Blake: "Horns of steel"? Sounds like a porno.
Max Winter: That's why I watched it. But it turned out it was about bullfighting.

Inés Villegas: Nicholas Mountford, British, 55, a novelist.
Max Winter: I've read him.
Miranda Blake: Any good?
Max Winter: If you like aggressive male heroes dealing with highly strung women... which I don't.

Miranda Blake: I've spoken to bereaved relatives before, Max.
Max Winter: Yeah, I've seen you.

Max Winter: I'm not walking across those fields in these. Have you any idea how expensive these were?
Miranda Blake: Well, if you insist on buying custom-made shoes...
Max Winter: These are size 14 feet! Shopping is a nightmare.

Max Winter: I'm not calling for help, I'm Googling what to do when you're faced with a bull. It says here: Number one - never, ever run from a bull.
Miranda Blake: Oh!
Max Winter: Number two - try punching the ball in its face. No way. Number three - bulls have a very strong sense of smell. That's actually quite interesting.

Max Winter: You'd better start showing some respect, Mr Alzamora. Detective Blake is not my girlfriend. In fact, I don't even know if she's in a relationship. The point is... I don't care because we're professional partners, end of story.

Miranda Blake: I don't care what Inés says. I'm not staying here for more than one night. I have a life!
Max Winter: Really?
Miranda Blake: I have a dog.
Max Winter: A stray dog... you don't even like.
Miranda Blake: I don't even have a toothbrush!
Max Winter: Torero. Or the flamenco dancer?
Miranda Blake: What?!
Max Winter: There's a gift shop in the lobby. It was all they had.
Miranda Blake: Torero.

Miranda Blake: I just don't get this fascination with the bullfight.
Max Winter: It's the stuff of myths and legends.
Miranda Blake: It's the stuff of nonsense.

Max Winter: You have to respect other people's culture, Miranda.
Miranda Blake: Well, throwing yourself off a balcony after 20 pints is my country's culture, and I don't see you respecting that.

Max Winter: It's the dance of the corridas. It's drama. It's bravery. And it's... passion.

Roberta García: I thought he looks a little like you. Handsome and brave as he takes on the bull, just like you did when you saved Detective Blake.
Miranda Blake: "Saved"?
Roberta García: Oh! He told me all about being chased by that bull. How he scared it off to protect you. Que macho!

Miranda Blake: Isn't that the song...?
Max Winter: That we danced to. We should probably talk about what happened.
Miranda Blake: Not everything needs be talked through and analysed, Max. Some things are better left.
Max Winter: You're right. I'm just saying that... I didn't expect that to happen, did you?
Miranda Blake: And this is you leaving it, is it? No! I didn't expect it either but let's just move on, OK?
Max Winter: Agreed. And just to be clear, we're talking about me stamping on your foot, right?
Miranda Blake: Yeah, of course. What else would we be talking about?

Mallorca's Most Wanted

Max Winter: This is not cabaret.
Miranda Blake: It's British cabaret. We're not actually here for the act, Max.
Max Winter: I love Monty Python, but this isn't Monty Python and this isn't cabaret. This is a crime against entertainment.

Jimmy: Look, I can't go to prison.
Max Winter: Mm? Oh, then let's forget the whole thing. It's overcrowded anyway. Miranda, we're going to let Jimmy go.

Miranda Blake: Mallorca has a most wanted list.
Max Winter: Yeah, but there's a pretty big drop off. Second-placed guy held up two petrol stations in Cala Millor.

Miranda Blake: So that's why there's 50 people out there? Interflora.

Max Winter: Do you have your pocket knife, Miss Girl Scout?
Miranda Blake: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not while I have to sit in this car. With my knife!
Max Winter: But it's Rohwurst schnitffest.
Miranda Blake: That's exactly what it smells like.

Miranda Blake: What's that? Some German delicacy made from distilled sauerkraut?
Max Winter: That's what you got. I got lemonade. And you're welcome.

Max Winter: Her friend was murdered by Mallorca's most wanted man. You'd think that would be something my girlfriend might mention.
Miranda Blake: So, she is your girlfriend now? See, two people actually have to talk for these things to come up.
Max Winter: We talk.
Miranda Blake: Look, and it goes both ways, Max. What have you actually told her about you? Does she know what your dad thought about you becoming a cop?
Max Winter: It hasn't come up.
Miranda Blake: That you can quote that Monty Python dead owl sketch by heart?
Max Winter: Parrot. Norwegian Blue parrot. How can you not know that?
Miranda Blake: See, the real question, Max, is how does your girlfriend, of nearly a year, not know these things?

Miranda Blake: You said English tea, right?
Max Winter: No, because I live to disappoint you.

Federico Ramis: This is a request from Villegas, yes?
Max Winter: Um... we need to keep Ines out of this.
Federico Ramis: Then I feel unable to help.
Miranda Blake: Rico... we wouldn't ask if this wasn't very important.
Federico Ramis: You have never called me Rico.
Miranda Blake: It's what your friends call you.

Miranda Blake: If that's Max, he'll keep ringing. And if I don't answer, he'll come looking for me.
Ramón Hernández: I moved her car off the road. There's no sign that she was there, but Villegas says there's a thing between them, so he probably will come looking for her.

Miranda Blake: Oh, reach into my back left pocket. Swiss Army knife.
Max Winter: I take back anything I ever said about you... or thought about you.
Miranda Blake: Do you have to rub your hand around like that?!
Max Winter: I'm bending my arm the wrong way! You think I'm pausing to feel your butt?!

Miranda Blake: You're supposed to know me! If you knew me, we wouldn't be about to... You called it in?
Max Winter: Yeah, of course!
Miranda Blake: You knew it was code. Why the hell didn't you tell me?!
Max Winter: Just wanted to see how close I had to get to dying before I admitted I know you! And quite well, too.

Inés Villegas: I think your Metropolitan Police, they made a mistake. I will tell them that.
Miranda Blake: Thank you. I'm sorry about your friend.
Inés Villegas: Detective Winter. Take Detective Blake to hospital. Kicking and screaming, if you have to.

Max Winter: So... eight missed calls from Carmen. I should go. Unless you want me to stay with you. I wouldn't mind.
Miranda Blake: I'll be fine, Max. Go.
Max Winter: OK. Just until you get seen?
Miranda Blake: Really, I am fine on my own. Carmen needs you.

Ex Factor

Max Winter: I'm just thinking... I'm a lucky guy, you know? Live in a great place. I have a great job. And the woman I love brings me coffee in bed. Meeting you was... the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Carmen Lorenzo: Even better than that time you saw a seagull catch a chip in mid-air?
Max Winter: OK, the second best! But that was a hell of a catch. You know what? I think I could teach you to catch chips too. So for that reason, we probably should get married!

Miranda Blake: I don't watch TV. My parents didn't have one. They thought it rotted your brain.
Inés Villegas: Maybe they had a point.

Christian: Of course he's serious. Max Winter is a serious guy. Just like me. Also, he loves you.
Carmen Lorenzo: He told you that?
Christian: No, not exactly. But, you see, guys don't really have those kind of conversations.
Carmen Lorenzo: So what do you talk about?
Christian: Football. Beer. Has he ever been unfaithful? Has he even looked at another woman?
Carmen Lorenzo: No.
Christian: He only cares about you... which is why you should definitely marry him.

Jens Schmidt: Do as I ask you, or your girlfriend dies.
Miranda Blake: I'm not his girlfriend.
Max Winter: She's right. I'm engaged.
Jens Schmidt: I don't care. Just... write!
Max Winter: OK. Shoot. I mean... I'm ready.

Jens Schmidt: In 30 minutes, the show will be up or I'll shoot your fiancée.
Miranda Blake: No. I'm sorry. No, there's been a misunderstanding. He's actually getting married to someone else.
Jens Schmidt: You're not...?
Miranda Blake: No, HE'S getting married to someone else.
Max Winter: I'm with Carmen. She works in a bar in Palma.

Jens Schmidt: Where's this boyfriend?
Max Winter: I'm here.

Max Winter: Jens... look, why not take me instead?
Miranda Blake: What? Why? Because I'm a woman? Or because you think I just can't handle this?
Max Winter: I didn't say that.
Miranda Blake: Sorry, what makes you think you'd be a better hostage than me?
Max Winter: I just don't want you to die!

Jürgen Kuhl: Admit that you're getting a kick out of this, Miranda.
Miranda Blake: Absolutely.

Jens Schmidt: I walk the streets like a whore. Look for the one I adore.

Carmen Lorenzo: Max, you risked your life for her.
Max Winter: Yeah, of course, she's my partner.
Carmen Lorenzo: Christian said something to me today. Actions speak louder than words.

Miranda Blake: It's just... my life is here now... I think.

Miranda Blake: Compañeros, right?
Max Winter: Yeah. Compañeros.

Series 2

The Maestro

Miranda Blake: Sorry. Personal call.
Max Winter: So, who was it?
Miranda Blake: OK, let's try that again. It was a personal call.
Max Winter: And I'm asking who it was.

Roberto Herrero: You know, for some, the pain of living is just too great. They long for the abyss.

Luisa Rosa: OK, so I've started the comprehensive fibre analysis, trace DNA, obviously.
Max Winter: Obviously.
Luisa Rosa: So, we are running blood spatter at the scene and I'm crosschecking all the samples we took last night. The spectrometer is practically smoking! Oh, and the murder weapon needs to go for metallurgy. Have I forgotten anything?
Miranda Blake: No. No, that seems pretty comprehensive.
Luisa Rosa: Well, great. If there is anything else you need, just DM me, OK?
Roberto Herrero: Either we will fall madly in love, or I will kill her.

Miranda Blake: Oh, I'm stunned. That's brilliant.
Max Winter: Sarcasm. Ha-ha! So very British. But where's your Empire now?

Miranda Blake: Statistically speaking, a spouse or a close family member is the usual culprit. I'm a big fan of data.

Max Winter: I'm glad I'm not as cynical as you. Always seeing the worst in people.
Miranda Blake: Yeah... No, no, not people, Max. Suspects. So I suspect them. Clue's kind of in the name?

Max Winter: Opera is totally hard-core. Carmen - stabbed to death by a jealous lover. Madame Butterfly - kills herself with a sword rather than face being abandoned. True drama comes with a terrible beauty.
Miranda Blake: Didn't know you were such a big fan.
Max Winter: My mother loved it. My father... hated it. So Mum always took me with her instead. At nine years old, I'd seen everything. Murder, suicide and killer ghosts! Oh, I also liked these little binoculars.

Max Winter: When she talked about him, there was this look in her eyes. A certain fire, you know. Thwarted passion. The window to the soul, yeah?
Miranda Blake: Right, yeah, well, we could arrest her for having dark Spanish eyes.

Max Winter: They're persistent. It's very smart of you to play hard to get. Drives a man totally crazy.
Miranda Blake: You finished?
Max Winter: Should I be?
Miranda Blake: Yep, definitely.

Max Winter: Oh, please, just one chair?

Max Winter: It's like going on a first date. You should always, always bring a friend with you to stop you being blinded by sеx and making a bad decision.

Karl: I don't really like this job. I... I think I'm going to quit. Also, my boss is, er, how do you say in English, something of a bitch?
Miranda Blake: No, we really don't say that.

Miranda Blake: See, thing is, I've got this weird thing where I consider myself an adult who can make her own decisions.

Carmen Lorenzo: You told her he was coming, right?
Max Winter: Look, despite all the so-called attitude, Miranda's shy. Lonely, even. Sometimes she needs a little push.
Carmen Lorenzo: Are all men born stupid or is it just you?
Max Winter: I can see no good way to answer that question.
Carmen Lorenzo: She's going to kill you. And if she doesn't, then I will.

Miranda Blake: This has all the hallmarks of a Max plan. Clumsy, obvious and stupid.

Carmen Lorenzo: Max means well. He always does. It's probably the reason I'm still with him. Apart from the sex, obviously.

Miranda Blake: I was surprised, you know, the whole marriage thing - that you didn't just say yes.
Carmen Lorenzo: Hmm, so was I. I thought about it.
Miranda Blake: But...?
Carmen Lorenzo: I had to think about it.

Miranda Blake: He's a nice man. I mean, he's irritating sometimes, but he's nice.
Carmen Lorenzo: He really wants you to be happy. You can be hard to read sometimes.
Miranda Blake: Emotional poker face. It's a gift.
Carmen Lorenzo: It's OK. I get it. Why should we all have to open our hearts to the world all the time?

Son of a Pig

Inés Villegas: Obviously, an investigation like this needs a discreet and serious approach. I thought of you two.

Max Winter: You don't have to brutalise the door of a BMW. I said this before. It just takes one smooth push... and the mechanism takes over.

Max Winter: Never marry for money, always marry for love. But if a man's got money, try and love him anyway.

Max Winter: Nothing says strong, independent woman more than marrying a 74-year-old millionaire.

María Jimenez: So, Detective Blake is a blonde. If I knew you were at the police station, I would have had to stop by to confess so many bad things.

María Jimenez: Why don't you take a look around, darling? We'll be fine here.

María Jimenez: You know, we have a lot in common. Both of us are trying to solve mysteries about dead people. We should get together some time. Compare notes with a cold drink on a warm night.
Miranda Blake: Thanks, but, erm, I'm more of a "warm drink on a cold night" kind of girl.
María Jimenez: Really? I'm not so sure.

Miranda Blake: Frank, is this what you dreamed of those cold nights walking the beat in Kentish Town or wherever? Retire to the sun and live out this little pulp fiction fantasy? You know, the suit, the hat, all this...
Frank Bottomley: Nothing wrong with bringing a bit of Dashiell Hammett to the Balearics.

Max Winter: Oh, Miranda. I didn't read about that in your file.
Miranda Blake: You read my file?
Max Winter: Yeah, of course. Oh, come on, everybody does that. Don't they?
Miranda Blake: No!

Max Winter: Who's this handsome devil, straight out of a Hemingway novel?

Carmen Lorenzo: Can you tell your office wife to maybe keep to office hours?

Miranda Blake: 50,000 volts or chicken curry, it's all the same at the end of the day.

A Dish Served Cold

Miranda Blake: Oh, I know what a carrot air is supposed to do to a tangerine granita.
Max Winter: Uh-huh? Oh, yeah.
Miranda Blake: I just don't care. Otherwise, a huge fan of experimental cuisine.

Max Winter: I'm really thirsty, you know. We could have stopped for a coffee.
Miranda Blake: You're like this huge child, who stuffs himself with sweets and then afterwards complains he's got a poorly tum-tum.

Miranda Blake: Michelin star - ah, yeah, that's that thing you need before you can charge 20 euros for a bowl of soup, right?

Miranda Blake: Max, that's worrywort.
Max Winter: It's Apfel-minze. Apple mint.
Miranda Blake: It's worrywort. Causes impotence... It probably is apple mint, but you shouldn't just be eating random plants, Max. You never know how dangerous they might be.

Miranda Blake: Can't imagine giving up work. Can you?
Max Winter: When I retire to my vineyard in Binissalem, I'll invite you.
Miranda Blake: You're not retiring back to Germany?
Max Winter: When I have everything I need here? ... I mean, the sun, the sea, the sobrasada, Carmen.
Miranda Blake: Course. Though maybe don't tell Carmen she comes after a sausage.

Max Winter: You could've been a little more respectful back there.
Miranda Blake: Yeah, like the respect you showed nearly passing out in his kitchen? Laws and sausages, eh, Max? Two things you should never see get made.
Max Winter: Mmm. Back on the horse! I like the finished product, what can I say?
Miranda Blake: Obsessed with it is more accurate. We really need to do some digging into Ana Gutierrez.
Max Winter: I know. And hey, I don't obsess about food, I just have passions. I bet you haven't even thought about your last meal.
Miranda Blake: Cheddar cheese sandwich and salt and vinegar crisps.
Max Winter: Sorry, what and what crisps?
Miranda Blake: Salt and vinegar crisps. They're the only flavour worth having. They prefer paprika here, of course. It's only cos they've been raised on food from horror movies.

Max Winter: Three, two, one...roadblock!

Max Winter: They left me none? We work with thieves and liars.

Miranda Blake: Hate this day.

Max Winter: Drop the sobrasada!

Miranda Blake: I've brought my own supper. If this is some re-educational programme in the Mallorcan cuisine, then...

The Beautiful Game

Inés Villegas: The biggest mystery is why would anyone choose Germany over Mallorca?

Max Winter: I play a bit.
Rico Alonso: Yeah?
Max Winter: Had that classic teenage dilemma. Professional footballer or policeman.

Joan Lorenzo: You support Dortmund because of their kit?
Max Winter: I, erm... I made an aesthetic choice. Hey, I'm not one of those fake fans, Joan.

Inés Villegas: She got away. In stilettos.

Max Winter: I didn't forget about you, Miranda.
Miranda Blake: England?
Max Winter: It's near Wales.

Miranda Blake: They think it's gone over!

The Blue Feather

Miranda Blake: Owls, maybe? My dad was a keen twitcher. Used to wake me up to hear them twit-twoo-ing outside my window. Happy days.
Max Winter: But less happy nights, I'd imagine.

Miranda Blake: Just because you helped Carmen pick out some colours for the bar doesn't mean she wants you to join her on one of her spray-can sorties.

Max Winter: So, this is the wild beyond, huh?
Miranda Blake: Honestly, Max, you can be such a snob.
Max Winter: I'm just more your metropolitan type.

Miranda Blake: To be at one with nature requires an appreciation of stillness and silence.
Max Winter: Well, silence is just plain weird to an urban guy like me

Miranda Blake: Black tie. Not quite what I pictured when you said dry-cleaning.
Max Winter: Needs must.
Miranda Blake: Hmm. I'll pack a posh frock next time, shall I?

Miranda Blake: I think that tux might have gone to your head, Agent Winter.

Miranda Blake: He's just miffed he didn't get the tuxedo memo.

Miranda Blake: Stay with me, 007!

Max Winter: Well, if I had to choose the kind of birds Carmen and I were, I'd say... eagles. Proud, glamorous... What? All right. How would you see us?
Miranda Blake: What, us?
Max Winter: Yeah.
Miranda Blake: I don't know. A pair of geese? They... they partner for life. They, err... prefer a nice cosy existence.
Max Winter: Geese?
Miranda Blake: Yeah. Ruffle someone's feathers, did I?

The Outlaw José Rey

Inés Villegas: My friends and I used to ride there when we were children. Such carefree summers, filled with fun and laughter.
Max Winter: It's hard to imagine.

Max Winter: Perp's probably long gone. It's basically an insurance job.
Miranda Blake: And we're driving all the way across the island just to confirm it.
Max Winter: Well, actually, I'm driving, you're complaining. We may as well make a day of it, hm?

Max Winter: I've read that breaking in a young stallion is an art form. Do it with tenderness and care, and you'll have a loving companion for life, but get it wrong, the animal can be temperamental, dangerous even. Much like man himself.
Javier Santos: It's just horse sense.

Miranda Blake: Oh, God... She's so...
Max Winter: Happy thoughts, Miranda. Think happy thoughts.

José Rey: You're enjoying all this, aren't you? Big macho cop flexing your big macho muscles.
Max Winter: Yeah. I work out.

Javier Santos: Use your reins, tonto.
Max Winter: That's Detective Tonto to you!

Javier Santos: We make camp till first light.
Miranda Blake: What? But if the moon's bright, we...
Javier Santos: If one of us breaks a leg, we get paid leave. If a horse breaks a leg, it gets shot in the head.
Max Winter: Camp it is, then!

Miranda Blake: Aren't you going to offer me a sip?
Javier Santos: I assumed...
Miranda Blake: Because I'm a woman?
Javier Santos: No, because you are closed. By the book. My mistake.
Miranda Blake: No, thank you. I'm on duty.

Max Winter: Trust your gut. Trust your horse sense.

Miranda Blake: Didn't drink a bottle of whisky and stab himself, Pia.

Max Winter: I knew it. You're a horse whisperer after all.
Miranda Blake: Nonsense. Just saying a perfectly reasonable goodbye and thank you.
Max Winter: How much easier to be a horse.
Miranda Blake: What, a saddle on your back, slave to a lump of a rider?
Max Winter: Loved and fed and cared for.

Max Winter: I forgot about the chafing.
Miranda Blake: Oh! Don't say chafing. Even the word hurts.
Max Winter: Chafing.