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Funny / The Jungle Book

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

The original Kipling stories

  • Kaa, the oldest being in the Jungle, complaining about Ye Goode Olde Days.
    Kaa: I have to wait and wait for days in a wood path and climb half a night on the mere chance of a young ape. Pss naw! The branches are not what they were when I was young. Rotten twigs and dry boughs are they all.
    Baloo: Maybe thy great weight has something to do with the matter.
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  • Kaa is noted as being a bit deaf. Bagheera notes that the monkeys called Kaa a "shiftless yellow earthworm"... and has to keep reminding him of the right term because Kaa keeps messing up the name.
    Kaa: Besides, they called me a speckled frog.
    Bagheera: Worm—earthworm, and yellow to boot.
  • In "How Fear Came" from The Second Jungle Book, Mowgli's Digging Yourself Deeper moment after accidentally insulting Baloo.
    Mowgli: I have no long fur to cover my bones, but—but if thy hide were taken off, Baloo—
    Baloo: Man-cub, that is not seemly to tell a Teacher of the Law. Never have I been seen without my hide.
    Mowgli: Nay, I meant no harm, Baloo; but only that thou art, as it were, like the cocoanut in the husk, and I am the same cocoanut all naked. Now that brown husk of thine—
    Bagheera: Worse and worse. First, Baloo is to be skinned, and now he is a cocoanut. Be careful that he does not do what the ripe cocoanuts do.
    Mowgli: And what is that?
    Bagheera: Break thy head.
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  • Also in "How Fear Came", as Hathi tells the "Just So" Story about why animals fear Man, Bagheera occasionally butts in with some Deadpan Snarker commentary.
    Hathi: In those days there was no drought, and leaves and flowers and fruit grew on the same tree, and we ate nothing at all except leaves and flowers and grass and fruit and bark.
    Bagheera: I am glad I was not born in those days. Bark is only good to sharpen claws.
  • In "Letting In the Jungle", Bagheera gets a little too excited about scaring humans, jumping around like a playful little kitten. After Mowgli rescues Messua and her husband, Bagheera sticks around to scare Buldeo just for kicks.

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