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Funny / Star Wars: Darth Vader

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  • Issue #2 has Vader stowing aboard a robotically-controlled CR-90 remotely attacking imperial transports.
    Pirate(rhetorically to the ship): Brought a fine haul of Imperial weapons, have you?
    Vader(accompanied by the Stormtroopers to wield them): I have.
  • Issue #3 features the introductions of Aphra, Triple-Zero, and BT-1. Hilarity Ensues.
    • Aphra meets Darth Vader and is not really sure what to call him:
    Aphra: Welcome aboard the Ark Angel, Sir Darth Vader. Big fan. Huge. How can I help?
    Darth Vader: This is private business. I recently destroyed some of your reactivated droids. They impressed me.
    Aphra: Thank you, Mr. Lord Vader. Sir? Your majesty? Your illustriousness? Honestly, no idea. I'm a rogue archaeologist, not a protocol droid.
    • After he hacks through a firewall in mere seconds:
    Aphra: You are even more interesting than I could have hoped, Sir Vader.
    Darth Vader: Lord Vader. Continue.
    • Aphra asks how Vader found her. Cut to a montage of Vader using the Force to toss around a lot of people, including what appears to be an IG-series droid off a rather tall building. Aphra then states she probably really does not want to know.
      • Among those Vader stomped during his search appears to be his old "owner" Watto from the prequel films. Showing Watto beaten to death or just beaten senseless is satisfying to fans who despise either the character or the entire prequel trilogy, and must've been fun for Anakin too.
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    • After spending a few minutes around Aphra, Vader finally notes something about her.
    Darth Vader: You are... overly fond of speaking.
    • Triple-Zero introduces himself and lists his specializations as "etiquette, customs, translation and torture". After Aphra activates his override identifying her and Vader as his masters, Triple-Zero quickly warns her not to shake his hand since he had been planning to send a fatal shock through her system.
    • BT-1 immediately deploys all his weapons upon activation and apparently threatens to kill both Vader and Aphra. Triple-Zero quickly steps in and tells him he cannot do that since they are their masters and that there would be no one to clean up the mess if he did so.
    • When Vader explains his need for "unquestioningly loyal" droid troops to Aphra, she tells him she knows just where he can get some; a secret Battle Droid factory from the Clone Wars still in operation. The problem is where it's located...
    Aphra: How do you feel about a secret mission to Geonosis, Lord Vader?
    Darth Vader: I have no feelings regarding Geonosis.
  • Issue #4
    • Aphra discovers that while Triple-Zero may not murder her, excessive sarcasm is still on the table.
    Triple-Zero: If you think it's best to send us alone, mistress Aphra, beneath the surface of a distinctly ominous planet, certainly!
    Aphra: I sense sarcasm. Oh well.
    • Triple-Zero initially can't think of anything to say to the Geonosian battle droids, at least until BT-1 sets them on fire.
    Triple-Zero: [translated from Geonosian] Hahaha! You are on fire and also dead.
    • After torturing Dr. Cylo-IV, Triple-Zero informs Darth Vader he has Good News, Bad News, but minus the bad part ... from a bad guy's perspective.
    Triple-Zero: Good news: I have great confidence that I have managed to extract all relevant information from —ahem— "Doctor Cylo-IV". I know the location of his research base, the nature of his commission from the Emperor, etcetera, etcetera.
    Darth Vader: Then dispose of him.
    Triple-Zero: Ah, then I have doubly good news: he's already dead.
  • Issue #5 veers into Black Comedy, but Palpatine enters the scene asking Cylo-V to forgive Vader for reacting badly to the doctor's statement that his test subjects are partly Vader's children, as "Vader is sensitive on the topic of children."
  • Issue #6:
    • Another good Palpatine moment as Cylo-V is explaining the work he's done with his various test subjects, the first of which are the Astarte twins, Morit and Aiolin. Raised from childhood to be fanatically loyal to the Emperor, given genetic and cybernetic modifications, intense combat training, and able to keep up with Vader despite their lack of Force sensitivity due to their many enhancements. Palpatine sees another bonus.
      Cylo-V: They were once mere humans. Now they are something more.
      Emperor Palpatine: And twins, so I have a spare.
      • Doubly funny when you remember that this is exactly how Obi-Wan and Yoda seemed to see Luke and Leia.
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    • Palpatine's insistence that the herd has to be "thinned-out" becomes darkly humorous when the only casualty ends up being the Trandoshan (when he easily could have made sure that he was Reassigned to Antarctica or something).
  • Triple-Zero is the gift that keeps on giving, really. The beginning of Issue #7 sees the team investigating the Lars homestead after the offscreen raid in A New Hope. After surveying the damage, Triple Zero says the following: "Oh my, such slaughter. Such terrible slaughter..." And it appears that he might, just might have a moment of sympathy. Then comes the punch line.
    Triple-Zero: Those poor droids.
    • And in Issue #8, after the team has split up their shares of a cache of credits, Triple-Zero and Aphra have this conversation:
      Triple-Zero: When Mr. IG-90 received a share, I can't help but take my continuing poverty somewhat personally...
      Aphra: You take your joy in the work.
      Triple-Zero: I was not locked in a room with a humanoid and a sharp implement, Mistress Aphra. There was little "joy".
    • In Issue #20, the two droids visit one of Aphra's associetes, so Triple Zero could have his arms replaced, after Chewbacca tore them off in the Vader Down crossover. When he asks why a protocol droid would need a syringe, Triple Zero claims it's for "medical emergencies". When BT calls him out on the lie, he rejects it with this glorious use of Exact Words:
    "I didn't lie. I didn't specify whether I meant to solve or create them."
  • Remember how Palpatine told Vader if Vader is going to kill his competitors, to make sure he remains unaware of it? Vader, being Vader, in a bit of Black Comedy decides not to bother with this and simply dumps Karbin's corpse at Palpatine's feet.
    Darth Vader: I understand you are looking for Commander Karbin. I found him.
  • Our final issue has Aphra fighting some of Cylo's men trying to break into Palpatine's room on the Executor, Aphra utters two utterly golden lines.
    Leave the poor defenseless emperor alone! What has he ever done to hurt anyone?


Example of: