Episode 1 - Wayne or Lose
- Ron's pitch for Kryptonite windows starts off with this casual line:Ron: Now, everyone knows that the leading cause of deaths in a corporate environment is Superman crashing through the building during a big fight. That's just a fact.
[everyone nods]- There also the moment when Emily pointed out the flaw in a Kryptonite window, mainly it prevents Superman from saving people trapped inside the building.
- Then Ron just throws the window away and it breaks
Ron: It's also not very strong against normal things. - When Emily confronted Van about her four fired predecessors, Van corrected her by saying it's three, as one was crushed by rubble.Van: I like to think of that as God firing him.
- After showing a suit designed to withstand any attack, Wendy walks up and punches the test subject. When she's told it only works for one use she says she knew and remarks 'that was for taking my muffins'.
- One of Jack O'Lantern's destructive rampages has him utter A Rare Sentence even for this setting in full Large Ham mode.Citizens of Charm City, kiss your precious organic juice bar good-bye!
- Ron protests being fired by saying he has a grandmother to support. Teddy follows up with this by saying that he has a lot of cool stuff he won't be able to afford anymore, and then he adds that he now realizes how that sounds weak coming on Ron's heels.
Episode 2 - Wayne Dream Team
- Van spent time in Greenland for a retreat, and only learned one phrase.Emily: ...and what does that mean?
Jackie: "Sir, please don't pee in the hot springs bath."
Van: I only remember it because I heard it so much. No one tells a Wayne where to pee. - Emily bemoaning her lack of friends to Jackie, saying that she rode the elevator up and down all day yesterday to try and meet people.Jackie: That is so sad. Is there footage of that?
- Ron keeps complaining about how he's never been able to afford his dream of owning a pet shark.
Episode 3 - Sinking Day
- Van calls Emily into his office and angrily demands she explain a recent chart. She points out that the chart says sales are improving, and Van breathes a sigh of relief.Van: Oh good, that's what I hoped it said. I'm not a big charts guy.
- Emily's pitch to the Ace Chemicals guy.Emily: Last year, flaws in our safety grates resulted in roughly one clown villain every three months.
- Ron, it turns out, is from Atlantis ("I thought you said you were from Atlanta"), and spends the entire episode annoyed at racist "land people" in exactly the same way as he's normally annoyed at racist white people.
- Emily admits she had trouble figuring out how to call Atlantis, because she didn't know what time zones they had, or if they had Daylight Savings, or if they had daylight.
- Ron suspects that Bruce Wayne is The Flash, and Stephen Baldwin is actually just a disguised Alec Baldwin.
- They lampshade Vanessa Hudgens' ambiguous ethnicity.Van's Father: They only want to deal with you and that... Filipino woman.
Van: Oh, is that what she is? - Apparently, Brendan Fraser has a cult following in Atlantis.
Episode 4 - Emily Dates A Henchman
- The team tells Emily her boyfriend is a henchman as if he was a prostitute.Ron: Okay, we're not saying he's a henchman... he just provides a number of illegal services for criminals on an as-needed basis.
Teddy: He's not a bad guy, he's just a badguy. - This scene right hereRon: Quick question.
Van: Yeah?
Ron: You are aware two Robins supposedly died on the job
Van: Hm, high turnover. I'm in. - When Emily confronts her boyfriend, he admits he is a henchman... and his name's not Dan, it's Reggie.Reggie: I know what you're thinking: Not a lot of white guys named Reggie.
Emily: That's not what I was thinking! ...though now that you mention it, that is odd. - After Reggie ties up Emily and Jackie, he tells them that they're stealing the indestructible cell phone cases Emily told him about so that the Riddler can use them to build a tank to attack Arkham Asylum.Jackie: Why did you just tell us your entire plan unprompted?
Reggie: ...I dunno. It's just something we do. - The Riddler's minions are foiled when Van walks in, still dressed in his ridiculous Robin suit, holding a burger and a soda. The henchmen think he's the real Robin, which means Batman must be nearby, and immediately run, leaving Emily and Jackie behind still tied up.Van: Huh. That was weird. Jackie, get a pair of scissors to cut me out of this thing. And Emily—what are you still doing at work? Get a boyfriend or something. [leaves without another word]
Jackie: ...even just a hobby.
Episode 5 - Cold Season
- Charm City has a second winter in the middle of the summer when all the cold villains come to town.
- Teddy's brother is a stupidly successful astronaut who gets personal calls from the president.Emily: I thought you said your brother was a doctor?
Teddy: He's an astronaut and a doctor.
Ajay: The technical term is "space doctor." - Crimson Fox gets frozen shielding Teddy and Emily from a cold villain, and they keep getting distracted discussing their drama while unfreezing her.Crimson Fox: That was brutal.
Teddy: It was that cold?
Crimson Fox: No, I mean listening to your conversation. - Van has Ron assemble a toy car for his girlfriend's child. When the child, Dylan, doesn't like it, this amazing conversation follows:Dylan: You're just trying to have sex with my mom!
Van: Yeah, we've established that! [to Ron] Look, I have sent you a toy Wonder Woman jet, I need you to put that together and have it couriered to me.
Ron: Isn't her jet invisible?
Van: Yes. Assembly is gonna be a bitch.
- Van tells everyone to "grow a pair" about Crimson Fox leaving Charm City. He then freaks out when he finds a bee in his office.
- Emily is flattered to find out that her name is being used as a verb, even though it's not a particularly flattering one.
- Person as Verb then gets Lampshaded in this exchange.Wendy: Jackie is never going to take our money. She is crazy private.
Emily: I have a pretty genius way around that.
Teddy: So you're going to Teddy it.
Emily: What's that?
Wendy: [interrupting Teddy] That's when you try to use your name as a verb unsuccessfully.
Ron: Oooh, you just got Wendied!
- Person as Verb then gets Lampshaded in this exchange.
- To get Teddy, Ron and Wendy to confess to using his private bathroom, Van sends them to Conference Room B, a small cramped room. the trio find nothing particularly scary about it, so Van points out the flickering lamp and the chairs that don't swivel. The three fix both within seconds.
- "This is a public school. We don't go to Six Flags Metropolis. We go to cemeteries and write sad poetry."
- Van interrogates Wendy, who takes it as flirting.
- Teddy, Ron and Wendy try to pull an I Am Spartacus, all three confessing to using Van's bathroom.Van: All three of you defecated in my toilet, simultaneously? You are some dirty birdies.
Ted: No, this is a gesture. We're sticking together, if you want to punish one of us, you'll have to punish us all. Didn't you ever see Spartacus?
Van: Thank you for ruining Spartacus for me. - Van finally sees the security footage, showing who used his toilet. Turns out no one did; the magazine Van thought was proof was used by Jackie to swat the bee from earlier. Van then pretends to have known all the time and the whole thing being a convoluted lesson about friendship.
- The Stinger reveals that everyone used Van's bathroom. The security footage was erased by the night janitor Peter, as punishment for Van calling him Pedro, and then goes into Van's bathroom himself.
- Van accuses Emily of stealing everything from him, which he thinks will ultimately result in "you being the one to high-five Bruce Wayne after the threesome."
- Van's reaction to finding out his prom date was a prostitute.
- Teddy is trying to impress Green Fury with a leather jacket which he is showing off to Emily and Wendy:Teddy: I got it from an up-and-coming Swedish designer named Yaast.
Emily: So you got a "Yaast" infection? - The ad that finally airs is the most over-the-top parody of all the sexualized ads featuring women that have aired in real life, in which a naked, soaped-up Olympian (the superhero) washes a car for, well, no particularly good reason.
- Emily plans the perfect company retreat, taking into account everyone's tastes, and making matching t-shirts with everyone's catch phrases printed on them.Teddy: I don't have a catch phrase.
[Emily tosses him a shirt; he unrolls it to find it says "I don't have a catch phrase"]
Ron: Oh, she's good. - When the alarm starts blaring, Emily starts going through a giant binder to identify the code, while the others try to remember it.Ron: Which alarm is that? Zombie virus?
Wendy: Alien invasion.
Jackie: Giant spider robots from another dimension where the Nazis won?
Teddy: No, that one goes eeyoo-eeyoo-awdub-awdub...
Wendy: Ah, yeah. - Emily tries to get the others to play a team-building game about who they would take with them to a desert island. Wendy immediately says Van; it looks like it's going to be a sex thing, but it turns out to be that she knows someone will be looking for him because he's rich, and she knows that due to his iron deficiency she'll be able to overpower him, slowly eat him alive, and survive until she is rescued. Van quietly moves away from her.
- How do they bait Emily out of the gas? They all sing karaoke.
- The t-shirt with Jackie's catch phrase just says "NO."
- Ron celebrates Lois Lane's death because it means Superman will fly around the world to turn back time, therefore nothing they do until then will have consequences. The office erupts into hedonism after a news report on Stephen Hawking shoving Neil Degrasse Tyson into traffic, only for most of them to panic when they have burned their bridges and see a "suspiciously dry[-eyed]" Superman bring a date to Lois's funeral.
- Van stumbles back to the office to give everyone the news that he accidentally found the Batcave in Wayne Manor. As soon as everyone gasps in shock at the words "Bruce Wayne is Batman!", Superman turns back time.
- The alien invasion destroys Emily's new apartment, leaving only a throw pillow and a Roomba intact. The Roomba proceeds to roll out the hole in the wall, falling several stories to its death.
- After their division gets sold to Lexcorp, Van shaves his head and claims he's always been bald.
- Being sold to Lexcorp seems like a paradise to everyone but Emily and Jackie, but then they accidentally discover the wormhole used to bring the aliens to Earth. Russel cheerfully/solemnly informs them that they now have to die, but their bodies will be turned into the calorie-free cheese that Ron has been eating throughout the entire day.
- The GOP voted against impeaching President Luthor for nearly destroying the world.
Unaired Pilot
- The insurers debate about whether some damage caused by Wonder Woman qualifies as an "Act of God."
- Mean Boss Del Heller (the original version of Van) cancels "Bagel Wednesday" to punish his employees for a perceived act of rebellion, leading to a lot of Serious Business gasping and fretting about how weird it is that Bagel Wednesday is just Wednesday.
- Del makes Jackie wait by the elevator to give him coffee whenever he arrives at work, like in the movies. However, because Del isn't a stickler for punctuality, she doesn't know when to make the coffee, and he gets a cold and poor-tasting cup.
