Funny / Broken Bow

• Armani's snark to Apollo during The Reveal that Artemis (a virgin goddess, if you know your Classical Mythology, who is also known specifically for not liking men) is his mother.
  Armani: Apollo, did Zeus ever have "the talk" with you? Do you know how babies are made and how they come out? Trust me; mothers tend to notice the second bit!
• When a frustrated Artemis summons her bow, which is near identical to Armani's weapon, he responds with this:
  Armani: Hmm... nope, that's not mine, though it definitely looks the same. It's almost as well made, if a little old and battered-looking.
  She recoiled in shock, and I watched as she hugged the weapon to herself like a child whose favorite doll had just been called ugly.
• The story of how Armani Dove got his name.
  Apollo: Anyway, I also had to decide what to wear for the thing, but then I realized since I always look fantastic I was fine with just what I was wearing, which just so happened to be...
  Armani: Oh, gods, don't tell me...
  Apollo: That's right; my favorite white Armani tux!
  Clarisse: And what about the Dove bit?
  Apollo: Well, I thought that up while I was brushing my teeth with my favorite brand of Olympian toothpaste; Dove brand ultra-white!
  Armani: So let me get this straight; the clothes on your back, and your toothpaste?
  Apollo: Umm, kinda, yeah...
  Armani: With all due respect, uncle, you suck.
• Lya's attempts at courting Armani during the first chapter of Counterpart, ranging from innocently trying to feed him poisonous laburnum pods to kidnapping one of the stars of The Deer Hunter, just because Armani liked the movie.
  Armani: What is Christopher Walken doing in my bed?
• When Christopher Walken asks Armani who he is:
  Armani: I'm the immaculate son of a virgin!
  Christopher Walken: What? Like Jesus?
  Armani: Yes Mr. Walken, I'm Jesus.
• During The 12 Years of Christmas, an eight-year-old Armani prepares for his upcoming fight with Santa Claus by wearing his hat and reading The Art of War.
  Armani: Sun Tzu says, "To know your Enemy, you must become your Enemy."
  Apollo: (To Lanaya) Why couldn't you have just bought him a Where's Waldo? book?
• In Book 2, Armani calls Artemis his god-mother.
• When Annabeth tries to guess who Armani's mother is, she suggests Aphrodite. Because Armani is kind of a Pretty Boy, apparently.
  • Later on, Zoe calls him "Mistress" after confusing him for his mother.
• Everyone's sheer disbelief when they learn that yes, Artemis has a son.
• When Artemis shows up to rescue Armani, she goes absolutely berserk and starts curb-stomping two gods at once. Meanwhile, what is Athena doing? Standing off to one side and making notes on a clipboard while asking the other demigods their opinions!
• While angrily berating his nephew Armani for dooming the universe, Apollo uses a rather unfortunate choice of insult.
  Apollo (to Armani): Why you ungrateful, impetulant, son of a-
  Artemis: Son of a what?
• Percy Jackson's appearance is a riot:
  • When Armani says his mother came with him, Percy dismisses Annabeth - his girlfriend - and Artemis - supposed to be a childless virgin - to focus on Clarisse who takes offense - she's not that old, dammnit!
    • Even funnier is that, given the utterly ridiculous world they live in, it's honestly not such a wild assumption!
  • He refuses to believe the shade truly is the legendary hunter Orion. Then Orion poses just as his constellation.
  Percy: It's him.
  Cue collective Face Palm.
• BECAUSE WE ARE GODS is Ares's response to everything.
• The 'Thalia Neck Pinch'. That is all.
• Artemis's rant during Book 5's final chapter has a few funny lines, culminating in:
  Artemis: Do you grasp that fully, Armani? Things don't even need to be real for them to somehow want to try and kill you.
• Stranded on a disintegrating cliff, Armani reaches the Godzilla Threshold: He sings Madonna.
  • Apollo swoops in to the rescue, and puts his arm around...
  Apollo: "Madonna, baby, I knew someday you'd..." [breaks off and scrutinizes his passenger closely] Armani?
  Armani: Yes, uncle. Hello.
  Apollo: ...You're not Madonna.
  Armani: No, uncle. No, I am not.
• Hippolytus takes his duties very seriously.
  Hippolytus: M'lady. Though I must apologize for how long I have neglected my post. Truly, I will accept any punishment you see fit to-
  Artemis: -It's alright, I-
  Hippolytus: -be it banishment, death, evisceration-
  Artemis: -really, you don't-
  Hippolytus:-incarceration, being cast into Tartarus, ripped apart by wild beasts-
  Artemis: - Hippolytus...
  Hippolytus: -being dropped from Olympus, dragged over broken glass-though I would appreciate it if not by horses-
  Artemis: - Hippolytus...
  Hippolytus: -being hurled from the very top of-
  Artemis: HIPPOLYTUS!
  Hippolytus: Yes, my lady?
  Artemis: Clean up this mess.
  Hippolytus: Yes, my lady.
• While Artemis and Athena upbraid Armani for messing with the past, Artemis discovers a rather important fact:
  Artemis: You killed Caesar?
  Armani: No! I only stabbed him once.
  • And then Hippolytus proves just how awesome he is, by utilizing My Rule Fu Is Stronger than Yours against Athena. Specifically, he points out that since their misdemeanors occurred centuries ago, and the oath was taken just a week prior, technically, the events happened before they took the oath. The Goddess of Wisdom is left stuttering. While Hippolytus keeps an entirely straight face throughout.