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Season One

  • In Ward's opening fight scene, a half-naked blonde walks in on him stealing the neural link, rolls her eyes as the fight starts, then just walks away.
    Agent Ward: Your fireplace is broken.
  • About a minute into a fight scene between Agent Ward and some mooks, Mission Control contacts Ward:
    Mission Control: Ward, just a heads up, we've got some possible hostiles in your vicinity.
    Agent Ward: Really?
  • Ward's debriefing.
    Maria Hill: What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Ward?
    Agent Ward: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
    Maria Hill: And what does that mean to you?
    Agent Ward: It means somebody really wanted our initials to spell "shield".
    • Even funnier when you know that S.H.I.E.L.D was founded in honour of Captain America by, among others, Howard Stark and Peggy Carter, meaning Ward's actually hit the nail on the head here. (Though in Iron Man, Coulson claimed they were struggling to come up with a shorter name for the organization — then again, with hindsight, this is Coulson we're talking about...)
  • When they reach the subject of The Avengers themselves.
    Agent Ward: I don't think Thor is...technically a god.
    Maria Hill: [mutters] You haven't been near his arms.
    • Ward then looks vaguely traumatized.
  • Coulson can't resist lampshading his own dramatic entrance.
    Phil Coulson: Sorry, this corner was really dark, and I couldn't help myself. [beat] I think there's a bulb out.
  • Coulson, Hill, and Ward discussing Coulson's survival of the events of Avengers
    Agent Ward: Director Fury faked your death to motivate the Avengers.
    Maria Hill: Well, the death of a common ally is a particularly effective team-builder.
    Phil Coulson: Plus, it wasn't that much of a stretch. I stopped breathing for about forty seconds.
    Maria Hill: It gets longer every time you tell it.
    Phil Coulson: Yeah, well, you get shanked by the Asgardian Mussolini, you can tell it your way. I was looking at the big, white light and it felt like a lot longer than eight seconds.
  • When Coulson goes over Ward's profile that Maria Hill made:
    Phil Coulson: Under people skills, she drew a... I think it's a little poop. With knives sticking out of it.
    • Even better, Ward moves closer to have a look at it.
      Agent Ward: What?
      Phil Coulson: That's bad, right?
    • Then later, after they are done with Ward.
      Maria Hill: It was a porcupine. It was not a poop.
      Phil Coulson: [beat] Pretty sure...
  • Coulson poking light fun at Melinda's current position in the S.H.I.E.L.D. organization.
    Phil Coulson: Making calls, no red tape.... [looks around] This is where they make the red tape, isn't it?
    • He also asks if she's ever considered adding a moat around her desk.
  • Blink and you'll miss it, but Fitz smacks Ward on the ass after the latter boards the plane.
  • Fitz smashing Ward's brand new comm unit with a mallet and Simmons cheerfully taking a cheek swab within a minute of Ward's entrance.
  • "Don't touch Lola."
  • Skye sends out a message towards S.H.I.E.L.D. in an attempt to threaten them. As she continues her message, the door of her van opens to reveal Agent Coulson and Ward standing right there. All a shocked Skye can say is "Hey...What up?"
  • Between Ward and Skye when they capture her:
    Ward: There are two ways we can do this.
    Skye: Oh. Is one of them the easy way?
    Ward: No.
    Skye: Oh.
  • Ward says Skye is just like one of those cosplay girls who hang around outside Stark Tower. She adamantly protests she is not...except for one time...
  • Ward, when he's injected with the Truth Serum. Coulson makes like he intends to inject Skye, and Ward assumes the same; then Coulson injects Ward and invites Skye to ask him anything she'd like if it'll help her trust S.H.I.E.L.D.
    Ward: And yes, it did hurt a little bit, but I was trying to mask my pain in front of beautiful women because I think it makes me seem more masculine — my God, this stuff works fast.
    • And after Coulson leaves, it's Skye who's doing the interrogating.
      Skye: Have you ever killed anyone?
      Ward: Yes, a few. High-risk targets. But they were terrible people who were trying to murder nice people. And I didn't feel good afterwards.
      Skye: Uh-huh. Does your grandmother know about these things?
      Ward: [pouts] Grammsy?
  • Fitz's blundering while talking to Skye.
    Fitz: So, uh, when you get back, I'll show you my thing. Uh, thing, it's's my hardware. My equipment! Gotta go.
  • Skye has this to say about Lola.
    Skye: It's a brave new world... in a very old car.
  • How do Fitz-Simmons and Ward celebrate after their first victory? Apparently, drinking beer and eating Chinese food.
  • It's a subtle one, but Ward's expression upon finding that "Fitz-Simmons" is a pair of dividuals, rather than a single person, is pretty funny.

  • Skye's van is brought to S.H.I.E.L.D. mobile command:
    Skye: No joyriding, okay? It's my house.
  • Fitz and Simmons taking a selfie with the Peruvian ruins.
  • Coulson describing what he intends for Skye to do on The Team...
    Skye: So, why am I here?
    Coulson: Distraction. If something happens, you come up with a story, put the public on the wrong scent.
    Skye: much everything I stand against?
    Coulson: Yup!
  • Everyone (including Melinda and Coulson) edging warily back from the device when the latter warns that it's much more dangerous than a nuclear bomb. That's because it was gamma-powered.
  • After being captured and stowed in the cargo hold.
    Fitz: This is all my fault. I should have learned kung-fu.
  • After Melinda snaps her wrist to slip free of her bonds and take out the mook guarding them, she turns back to the rest of the team, and we get a shot of the four of them (even Ward, who knew exactly who she was and what she could do) staring in shock.
    Melinda: You guys talk a lot. [drives a car through the door]
  • Camilla reasoning that everything Coulson is doing — the Cool Car, the big jet ("Your airborne mancave"), his renewed idealism, the team of attractive young people — is a mid-life crisis. The after-life comment is now more of a "Funny Aneurysm" Moment given the revelations in the episode"The Magical Place".
    Coulson: ...more like after-life.
  • All of Nick Fury's cameo at the end of the episode where he lectures Coulson on allowing the jet to be damaged on its second mission.
    Fury: Really? Really, Coulson? Six days? It only took you six days to take a completely renovated piece of state-of-the-art machinery, and turn it into scrap?
    Fury: Talkin' to me about "authority". You know I have the authority to downgrade your ass to a Winnebago. [he keeps on repeating "Talkin' to me about 'authority'!" several times afterwards]
    Fury: It had a bar! A really nice one...
    Fury: How's Lola?
    Coulson: She's fine, sir. Thanks for asking.
  • During his rant, Fury tells Coulson he wants the jet exactly as it was before; he doesn't want silly modifications like "a, a, a damn fish tank!" After he leaves, Coulson says into his earpiece "Yeah, we're gonna have to kill the fish tank."
    • The fact that Coulson actually did consider to make a fish tank inside a plane. The look on his face implies he told his team members about it and some of them (most likely May) think it's a stupid idea. And only after Fury explicitly forbids it that Coulson agrees it's a terrible idea.
  • There's also the fact that even Nick Fury calls them Fitzsimmons! Any way you look at it, that's pretty funny. And also maybe a bit heartwarming, too.
  • Trying to reassure Skye that the 0-8-4 is secure, Simmons rambles and quickly ends up in not-very-reassuring territory:
    Simmons: ...not that it couldn't explode at any minute, especially if hit by machine gun fire, but things like this happen from time to time when in the field, and at first it's very unpleasant...
  • The fact that Skye saved the day with a safety pamphlet, and in doing so, become the first person to actually read said pamphlet.
  • Fitz sounds just a bit too excited when he says that the only bunk left for Skye to use is the one right next to his.
  • Coulson lists all of the team members' qualifications, but leaves out Skye. As he walks off, Skye calls out "I'm good at stuff too."

    The Asset 
  • The episode starts with a redneck trucker singing along horribly with the radio. Turns out he's actually a highly trained S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, which somehow just makes it funnier.
  • Ward telling Skye that S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't actually have a Truth Serum. It's left mildly ambiguous whether or not that's true, but if it is, it makes the interrogation from the pilot episode all the more hilarious. Plus Ward says he only told her Level 1 secrets, i.e.: low protected secrets she could easily hack for herself, and would be officially cleared to know about as soon as she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway, so she really learned nothing important.
  • Skye's reaction to learning that the S.H.I.E.L.D. transport was attacked by an invisible enemy:
    Skye: Invisible?! Cool! [beat, as the rest of the team stares at her] But horrible.
  • Coulson and Ward discover that the guy who supplied the excavator was paid... in bars of gold. On top of him riding a horse and being dressed as a cowboy...
    Ward: Now it really feels like the old west.
  • There's something funny that Malta seems to be the only place in the world, where S.H.I.E.L.D. has no juristriction.
  • Coulson's trading cards are mentioned. It was only a moment, but it earned a few giggles.
  • Skye's hilariously bad attempt at a Meaningful Echo of something Ward said to her earlier when Quinn has her at gunpoint. It even confuses Quinn.
  • Fitz is adamant that the only way the team can get into Quinn's compound is with a highly trained monkey. It could turn off the alarm with its adorable little paws. Simmons's tone also suggests this isn't the first problem he's suggested solving with a monkey. Also eating popcorn while listening to Skye on a tense mission.
  • Once Skye has gotten into Quinn's office — to May and Fitz-Simmons' amazement — they wonder aloud how she did it.
    Fitz: She probably just used her...ummm...her, uh...her, uh... [gestures by cupping his hands at his chest, then makes a priceless "oh screw it" face] boobs.
  • After Skye manages to grab Quinn's gun and turn it on him and his mooks:
    Mook: Girl's got balls.
    Skye: Thanks... and, yuck.
  • And a moment later...
    Quinn: Do you have what it takes to pull the trigger?
    Skye: Nope! [jumps out the window]
    Quinn: [rolls eyes] Get her.
  • When Melinda is trying to talk Coulson out of going with Ward:
    Coulson: You forget, I saw plenty of action with the Avengers. [he walks off]
    Melinda: ...And you died.
  • When Coulson finally gets to Dr. Hall, it leads to many hilariously deadpan comments from him. Namely, after Hall says he's right where he's supposed to be...
    Coulson: I'll be honest. Our strategy did not take into consideration you saying that.
  • When Agent May realizes the truth:
    May: Sir, the leak came from—
    Coulson: Dr. Hall. Yeah, I'm getting that.
  • And then Hall accuses S.H.I.E.L.D. of experimenting without thinking of the consequences.
    Hall: Your search for an unlimited power source brought an alien invasion.
    Coulson: ...Fair point.
  • Ward's Mundane Utility solution to a handgun that Coulson was having a hard time dismantling, by tossing it into a nearby laser fence that disintegrates anything that touches it.

    Eye Spy 
  • Skye apparently says "bang" when firing a gun and has the safety and clip release switches mixed up. Becomes a brick joke. She gets a gun, and tries to turn the safety off. Insert ammo falling out.
    Skye: Bang?
  • Ward calling the van where he and Coulson take Skye and Fitz-Simmons to the field the "Short Bus"note , much to Coulson's displeasure.
  • When Skye, egged on by Fitz-Simmons, asks Ward about where they can pee when told that they can't leave the van, Ward tells them to share a (small) empty plastic bottle between the three of them. An annoyed Skye responds with, "Did you never learn the part where girl parts and boy parts are different, and our parts aren't penises?"
    Ward: Anything else?
    Skye: Oh, yeah! Fitz wants to know if you left any snacks for us.
    Fitz: Yeah, I'm feeling a bit peckish!
  • When the team finds out about the device in Akela's eye, Skye says this to Ward: "You're a robot, can you do that?" It's made even funnier by the fact that Ward, much like a robot, gives absolutely no reaction to the joke.
  • Ward's response to being ordered to seduce a man (he's playing proxy to Akela) after stating he would do whatever it took.
    Ward: [to Skye] Help.
  • Skye concludes that the guy probably isn't gay, so Ward will have to "bromance him". This doesn't reassure Ward in the slightest.
  • Skye's opinion of what she and Fitz-Simmons are seeing on a surveillance feed:
    Skye: Russian TV's kinda boring.
  • "That kinda looks like our van..." And then Fitz stands up and waves...
  • At the tag end of the episode, Fitz is having Skye use the X-ray glasses to help him cheat at cards.
    Skye: You realize if I put these on I'll see you naked.
    [Fitz hurriedly aborts the scheme]
    Skye: [puts on the glasses, looks at Ward, and turns them on] Hm. [smiles happily]

    Girl in the Flower Dress 
  • When Skye asks why she and Ward are playing Battleship rather than doing their normal training, he tells her that it's his duty as her SO to evaluate the way she thinks...
    Ward: Also, I like board games.
  • Skye gloating over beating him at the game and making him say "You sunk my battleship." Also the tone in which Ward said it. If you look at their boards, you can see why: Skye is just aiming at random and is winning.
  • Chen Ho Yin replies to his kidnapper's comment that she "comes as a friend" with this:
    Chen Ho Yin: English isn't my first language, but that word means something different than you think.
  • One of the few things S.H.I.E.L.D. was able to dig up on Miles Lydon was that he runs a Minecraft mod to play as a Zombie Pigman. Judging from Fitz-Simmons' facial expressions, that's terrible. Just hearing Simmons say "Zombie Pigman" in a completely serious, even more RP than usual tone of voice is inherently pretty funny.
  • May tries to talk down Scorch in Cantonese. Scorch responds with an angry megalomaniacal rant in the same language. Coulson clearly didn't understand a word of it.
    Coulson: [to May] So we're good, right?
  • May is more than a little disturbed to find that she wasn't briefed about Chan's megalomania.
    May: His file say anything about him being homicidal?
    Coulson: Just said he was kind of a tool!
  • Coulson's reaction to hearing Chan's use of the alias "Scorch."
    May: Who?
    Coulson: Oh, crap, they gave him a name.
  • Coulson lets Miles go free, but first he hands him a small box with an electronic bracelet to track his movements and restrict usage of electronic devices for a while. Coulson warns "you can take what's in the box, or we'll put you in a slightly larger one."
    Coulson: You're free to go.
    Miles: We're still in Hong Kong.
    Coulson: Yep.
    Miles: ...I live in Austin, Texas.
    Coulson: By the way, Agent Qwan's family appreciates the generous donation.

  • Fitz can't stand the smell of dead bodies, especially after Simmons dissected a cat and left its liver next to his lunch. Later, when Simmons is doing another autopsy and Fitz is rifling through the storage cabinets behind her.
    Skye: What are you looking for?
    Fitz: A scented candle!
    Skye: Not. You.
  • Simmons, while giving Coulson a physical examination, accidentally says the wrong thing. It's even funnier due to Coulson's tone, which sounds more confused than offended.
    Simmons: You can tell your physical therapist that you're fit as the proverbial fiddle! Especially for a man your age.
    Coulson: "Man of my age?" That's something you tell an old person.
    Simmons: [a little too perkily] Is it? Let's... get you some electrolytes, shall we?
  • Ward begins to go into a big spiel on why one ounce could be the difference between life and death when using a handgun at long range, when Fitz reminds him they could just use a rifle instead in that situation.
  • Fitz's impression of him.
  • Melinda's interrogation of a scout leader: glaring at him menacingly and offering him a cookie.
  • Fitz and Simmons doing their best impressions of Ward. Turns out Ward heard them, and does his own at the end of the episode. Simmons tells him it's not quite right.
  • Skye saying that a victim of the Chitauri virus, who did a lot of volunteering, makes Captain America look like the Dude... in front of Coulson.
  • Fitz's awkward attempts at flirting with Skye, talking about how some people just have a connection. Not unreasonably, Skye assumes he's referring to Simmons. His look of despair when he clumsily tries to correct her is hilarious.
  • Coulson's Anger Born of Worry after Simmons jumps out of the plane to save the crew and Ward has to skydive after her to inject the cure. She made him fish her out of the water. And talk to the Moroccan office! Made even funnier when you take a good look at Ward and Simmons' expressions as they're being reamed out. Two highly capable and intelligent adult agents are being reprimanded like small children.
  • When Coulson tells May that his tests indicated he was "a little heavy on the iron."
    Coulson: But don't worry. You don't have to start calling me Iron Man.
    May: Wasn't planning on it.
  • After a testy conversation with Coulson, Agent Blake makes sure to touch Lola, and looks back at Coulson when he does.

    The Hub 
  • Coulson's idea of Casual Danger Dialog after being dragged into a dank basement for interrogation is... surprisingly practical.
    Coulson: I don't mean to alarm you, but I think you may have a mold problem. That sink with the standing water seems especially concerning.
  • Skye tries to walk into a Level Seven meeting while having yet to earn Level One clearance, and promptly gets attached to the wall by her bracelet.
    Skye: Is this your subtle way of telling me I'm not allowed in the meeting?
  • Agent Shaw hid a USB drive with top secret information up his nose.
  • Simmons' reaction to learning that Fitz is going on a field mission. She acts like a worried mother getting her child ready for his first day at school. She even makes Fitz his favorite sandwich.
  • Simmons is so horrible at talking her way out of a situation that she ends up firing the Night-Night Gun at Agent Sitwell.
    • One highlight:
      Simmons: My, Agent Sitwell, you certainly have a lovely... head.
    • And her attempts to flirt her way out:
      Simmons: I like men that are my height, but heavier than me!
    • After Simmons shoots Sitwell, Simmons asks Skye how she did, clearly hoping for something good. Skye's response was that it was a "total meltdown" and tells her to go get May to help clean this up. The scene comes across as two little girls who just broke something and have decided to tell their mom in the hope that they'll get in less trouble than with their dad.
    • Then later, when she tells Fitz about it:
      Fitz: So what do you get up to in the Hub?
      Simmons: I shot a superior officer in the chest.
      Fitz: O_O
    • Made a bit less funny (or perhaps more) after Sitwell is revealed to be a traitor in Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
  • Fitz getting his trolly stuck between the glass doors at the Hub and becoming increasingly frustrated by it. And after finally getting the cart through, the doors just close on him and the glass blocks any sound so you can't hear his frustration, including the cut-off cry of "fantastic!" Best part? According to Chloe Bennet, it wasn't scripted.
  • Coulson has a serious discussion with May about whether he should share information above Skye and Simmons' classification level. Except May is practicing Tai-Chi during the conversation, and also never says a word. Though she does roll her eyes at the end.
  • Fitz gets in a delightful Deadpan Snarker moment while he and Ward are hiding out:
    Fitz: ...and now you've destroyed the world's most dangerous sandwich.
  • Fitz puts up an X-ray screen to see through the wall so they can figure out what to do next.
    Fitz: Okay, I see two guards... armed with rifles... oh, there's a third guard. Wait... he's attacking them! Ward, are you seeing this, he's attacking them! He's, he's coming right for us—
    Ward: [opens door from the inside] Come on.
    Fitz: ...ah, that makes sense.
  • Fitz takes a peek inside the giant device he's supposed to disable.
    Fitz: This is going to take a while.
    Ward: You have ten minutes.
    Fitz: [casually] I thought you'd say five. [starts a timer on his watch]
  • Fitz somehow befriending an entire Bad-Guy Bar full of scary-looking Russians.
  • In a deleted scene, Simmons rushes up to May, who's practicing Tai-Chi, and tries to talk to her:
    Simmons: Agent May. Oh. Hello, I don't mean to disturb you, I was just wondering…
    May: No.
    Simmons: But I've run into a small…
    May: No.
    Simmons: It's just, we tried to find more information, like you said, and then I reacted very badly. If you could just possibly…
    May: No.
    Simmons: I shot someone.
    [May stills; a beat]
    May: [sighs] Where's the body?
    Simmons: …Ah. [rushes off]
    [May shakes her head, closing her eyes]
    • Note that Simmons at no point explained that Sitwell was just unconscious. As far as May knew, Simmons just admitted to killing someone, and May agreed to help dispose of the body. Where anyone else would be understandably horrified by this revelation, May treats it with mild annoyance. One has to wonder what May and Coulson did in their early missions to become so unmoved.

    The Well 
  • Skye refers to Thor as "dreamy".
    Coulson: Okay, he's handsome, but...
    May: No. He's dreamy.
  • Skye's opinion on the darker parts of human history:
    Skye: He has been through all the scary stuff: the Crusades, the Black Death... Disco.
  • Just Skye and FitzSimmons watching the interrogation as if it was a documentary on the History Channel.
  • When Skye is checking the message boards of a Norse-Pagan hate group, most of the posts are people shouting about being the master race, having to claim their right over the world, etc., except one simply says "I rode a horse today :)".
  • Coulson says that, once in a while, Thor and his Asgardian buddies need to send down the God of "Cleaning up after themselves".
    Coulson: They've probably got a magic broom for this sort of thing.
  • Coulson's comment on how awkward it would have been if Randolph hadn't been Asgardian and thus, been unable to prevent Ward from stabbing him.
  • The reason the myth of the Berserker became well known? Randolph wanted to impress a French girl he was sleeping with, and her brother, a priest, wrote it all down and turned it into, in his words "a thing".
  • Randolph to Coulson: "Oh, I spent centuries gallivanting around with the future King of Asgard; of course I don't know Thor! I was a mason!"
  • Skye can't tell the difference between normal Ward and Angry!Ward.
    Skye: Is that the normal Ward or the angrier Ward?
  • When Skye wonders how long Randolph has been on Earth, Simmons suggests cutting him open to find out. Skye then suggests an easier alternative: asking him.
  • Fitz still wants a monkey assistant.
  • Simmons is understandably scared of heights after nearly falling to her death a few weeks ago. Ward tries to distract her with questions about her research as she walks up the large fallen tree, until:
    Simmons: ...and I know you're trying to trick me into going up, but I'm going up anyway, so...

  • Fitz and Simmons realize they never got the chance to prank any freshmen at S.H.I.E.L.D. academy, and then realize that technically, Skye is a freshman. The first chunk of the episode has them thinking of ways to prank her.
    • The first attempt is a hogwash version of May's backstory — involving her wielding Guns Akimbo (with M249s) and taking down 100 hostiles on horseback.
    • The second has Fitz appearing behind Simmons in a gas mask as a test, but she's more disappointed. Later he rigs up the gas mask attached to a mop and some twine to jump out of a closet at people. Apparently he managed to set it up before Tobias started wreaking havoc, because he forgets about it until the group opens said closet nearly an hour later (in-universe) and they all scream. Especially Fitz.
    • Furthermore, Fitz ribs Simmons for screaming like a girl when she was pranked as a freshman, only to scream like a girl himself at his own prank.
    • And to top it off, Skye is only mildly startled compared to Simmons and Fitz's reaction to it so they scared themselves harder than their target.
  • Coulson gets torn up about having to use one of his antique watches as a makeshift bomb. Followed by a pathetic groan when it goes off.
    Coulson: I think they only made twenty.
  • During The Tag: Skye, Ward, Simmons, and Coulson are playing Scrabble. Simmons uses the word "Aglet" and when Ward says it's not a word in "our" language, counters by pointing out that "their" language is English. Then in walks Fitz with a face full of whipped cream thanks to another prank. Turns out he was pranked by May.
  • Skye's shout-outs:
    • Comparing May to a robot. She says "Target aquired: Threat eliminated" in a Terminator-like voice.
    • She refers to the S.H.I.E.L.D. academy as a "S.H.I.E.L.D. Hogwarts".
  • Skye's reaction to Coulson's decision to bring May and Ward along to contact Hannah Hutchens, after he referred to the task as a "delicate situation":
    Skye: It's a delicate situation and you're bringing along warm and fuzzy?
  • Skye says May needs to get laid... to the guy who laid her the previous night.

    The Bridge 
  • Ward saying why he doesn't want Mike on the team. "The last time we saw this guy, he was a raging homicidal maniac... He's Right Behind Me, isn't he?"
    • Later, he still doesn't think it's a good idea... but admits that Mike's new suit is cool.
  • Simmons manually takes Mike Peterson's measurements even though they have a device that can do it. Fitz calls her out.
    • Simmons uses Fitz's babbling as cover to talk about how hot she thinks Peterson is.
      Simmons: When did you stop talking?
      Fitz: About three embarrassing sentences ago.
    • Even funnier, Fitz goes over to break it up — only to get almost immediately distracted by the Centipede tech on Mike's arm.
    • Then there's their genuine surprise when Mike tells them it was their gun that cured him. They immediately go from thinking it's a bad idea to have him to giving him the awesome upgrade.
    • Ward's expressions in the background as Simmons flirts with Mike. Funnier when combined with Fitz' obvious displeasure.
  • Peterson's reaction to seeing Skye on the S.H.I.E.L.D. team:
    Peterson: You joined S.H.I.E.L.D.?
  • After the fight with the Centipede soldiers, where Ward threw himself in the way of a superpowered punch to protect May, they meet up again in the Bus' bar.
    Ward: Pour you a scotch?
    May: Don't. Ever. Do that. Again.
    Ward: ....brandy, then?

    The Magical Place 
  • Simmons telling off Ward after he ripped open what one could only assume was her stitching of the wound in his shoulder, during the capture of Van Chat.
    Simmons: Impressive. You've actually managed to re-open all of your stitches.
  • Skye is about to be escorted off the Bus when Fitz-Simmons rush up to her and hand her a brown paper bag.
    Skye: You made me a sandwich?
    Simmons: Yes. It is that.
  • Skye dresses up in a leather jacket, tall boots, and aviators, confronts a man who can lead her to Centipede, and identifies as S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent... Melinda May.
  • Skye's manipulation of the rich asshole into hacking a computer for her. Especially when she runs into a wall because he doesn't even know how to click on account history. She switches him with one of his rent-a-cops she had beat up earlier.
    Skye: Go to your account history. We need to open up a terminal emulator, see what kind of encryption they've got.
    Lloyd: Okay.
    Skye: If it's an SSL 256 or an A.E.S. twofish serpent, we're in business.
    Lloyd: Yeah.
    Skye: Quantum key, that's another story.
    Lloyd: Right.
    [A pause, Skye notices that he's not doing anything]
    Skye: Lloyd. What is happening here?
    Lloyd: Yeah, account history. Where is that?
    [Cut to Skye directing the guard instead]
    Skye: Delete that second line. ... Press "return." ...
    Lloyd: [to other guard] Thing is, I have an assistant that does all this for me.
  • May notices Skye's Whole Costume Reference at the end of the episode.
    May: Nice jacket.
    [May and Skye smirk at each other]
  • When Raina is being arrested:
    Simmons: Bet there aren't any flower dresses where she's going.
    Fitz: Amen to that, sister.
  • The verbal pass phrase to disengage Skye's Walking Techbane bracelet is "disengage bracelet".
    Skye: Are you kidding me?
    Coulson: I thought you'd like that.
    • Listen closely — he says the pass phrase in a slight Scottish accent to mimic Fitz.
  • The scene where Skye leaves the plane and passes by one of Hand's cronies:
    Skye: Don't touch Lola!
    Crony: [abruptly turns away]
  • When Fitz-Simmons are explaining to Ward that he needs to equip a dendrotoxin-filled cuff on the Centipede soldiers' forearms to incapacitate them:
    Ward: Sounds like riding a bull for eight seconds.
    Fitz: Yeah, exactly, it's that simple.
    Simmons: Yeah.
  • How Ward interrogates Vanchat.
  • When Skye is pretending to be May, she establishes her credentials with the rich guy she's interrogating by taking his phone, fake-calling in a S.H.I.E.L.D. command code, and erasing all the data on the phone (she really just used the Anti-Tech bracelet she was wearing). The guy's response? He complains that she ruined his score on "Tiny Wings".
  • Skye needs to make a phone call, but her anti-tech bracelet will fry it if she gets too close. How does she fix this issue? Use a golf club to dial the phone instead.
  • When Skye calls up Simmons, she reminds her that they have a safe word to indicate no one's listening in.
    Simmons: Manscaping?

  • May tells Coulson about her affair with Ward right before Coulson goes after an ex-agent they're looking for.
    Coulson: I'm glad we're here. We need to root out all the secrets.
    May: ... Agent Ward and I have been having sex.
    Coulson: [referring to spotting the agent] I got him. [leaves car]
    • At the end of the episode, May and Coulson are having a private debrief, and May suddenly gets awkward and tries to confirm whether he'd heard her properly.
      May: Did, uh, you hear what I said in Mexico?
      Coulson: What, specifically?
      May: A-about Ward and me, um…
      Coulson: Yeah, I heard.
  • The ex-agent tries to escape May and Coulson by climbing a fire escape. He climbs several ladders before seeing Coulson hovering right beside him in Lola.
  • Coulson tells Ward where Donnie and his Weather-Control Machine are.
    Ward: I can get there. [opens door and sees superstorm outside] Yeah, I can't get there.
  • Agent Ward's opinion about S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy of Science and Technology: "No uniforms, no rope course, no defined muscularity on anyone."
  • When Ward, Skye, and Fitz-Simmons are planning their next moves:
    Simmons: And when we get there?
    Ward: We mingle, low key. You and Skye get comfortable with the students, see if you can get them gossiping. Skye looks young enough to blend in.
    Skye: You're not exactly Old Man River, and Fitz looks younger than us.
    Fitz: Time will come when you won't make fun of me for that. You'll be jealous. You'll be jealous, wrinkly old hags.
  • After Ward sends Fitz to talk to Donnie, saying that "Even if he has no clue who might be after him, he could use a friend," Skye and Simmons look at him, smiling.
    Ward: What? It's strategic.
    Simmons: It's adorable.
    Skye: The Tin Man has a heart after all.
  • In a deleted scene of Skye and Simmons chatting in the boiler room, there's Simmons' clinical descriptions of attractiveness (hers and a hot guy's) and Skye's reaction to learning that Simmons had been involved with said hot guy.
    Skye: [laughing] Jemma Simmons! That guy was smoking hot! Did you guys…?
    Simmons: Only once. He has a low body fat percentage and his face is nicely symmetrical. But he is a bit boring.
    Skye: I've gotta admit, when I imagined you and Fitz at school, I just pictured the two of you… alone. Working in your lab. Eating paste.
    Simmons: [looking incredulous/annoyed] Though it may be news to you, I'm not exactly an ugly duckling, Skye. Being a nubile young prodigy with an above average fashion sense draws attention from the opposite gender.
    Skye: No, I know.
    Simmons: I do have a pulse, you know.
    • Also in this conversation, Simmons talks about how before she and Fitz became friends, they were "bitter rivals". With the corresponding deleted scene of Fitz talking about how he'd wanted to be friends with Simmons but couldn't figure out how to approach her, it becomes Hilarious in Hindsight how wrong she is.
      Simmons: He hated me. Hated me.

  • A train employee has trouble talking to May in Italian, with her appearing to ignore him. Ward covers for her, leading to this:
    Employee: This one's a lot of work, no?
    Ward: Keeps it interesting.
  • May finding Ward and Coulson frozen by the enemy's Night-Night grenade.
  • Ward and Coulson trying to use the holographic imaging table...and failing utterly. Ward did slightly better than Coulson—he successfully found the "on" switch. Better yet, look at how proud Ward was when he pointed the "on" button to Coulson as if to say "Uh, it's right there."
  • Coulson tells Ward that if his affair with May gets anyone hurt, he will be sent to Alaska to guard a frozen Emil Blonsky. It ends with this little gem:
    Coulson: If it's really just sex, Ward, you might want to get more comfortable using the word.
  • Simmons is undercover as Coulson's estranged daughter, and gets a little too into character, leading to her ranting loudly about how Coulson's work and prostitutes were more important. This leads to Coulson getting chastised by Stan Lee.
    Coulson: [indignantly] Prostitutes? Plural?
    • It's even funnier when you think that Simmons only thought of the word "prostitutes" after seeing an old man with much younger ladies on his arms.
    • Also, Simmons is a little bit too prepared for her role. She drops in details that are overly specific, like the exact days of the week that Coulson was preoccupied with his work. (Something that wouldn't need to be said between an actual father and daughter.)
    • Coulson's very uncomfortable yet Adorkable look while Simmons goes on her rant. And blink and you'll miss it, Coulson actually has Jaw Drop once Simmons said "prostitutes".
    • Capping it all off are the train passengers staring at Coulson as he makes his way to the back of the train. Just... stare.
    • Simmons' method of tracking the target involves tagging his shoes with an infrared powder that May can follow. She deploys it by accidentally dropping an urn that supposedly contains her dead mother mid-rant, which the target steps in.
  • Skye's Scottish accent. And Fitz's American one, but for different reasons. His accent is fine, but the things he says are very stereotypically American.
    Skye: We were hoping you could recommend a restaurant in downtown Zagreb.
    Fitz: Someplace affordable with big portions.
    • Also, how Fitz learned how to do an American accent.
      Fitz: I used to watch a lot of American TV growing up. Some of it was very good. Lots of nice teeth.
    • The best part is Skye visibly wincing after her accent attempt, as if even she knows it was horrible.
  • Skye and Fitz are pretending to be a couple, and after they sneak off to set up communications for the operation, Fitz remarks that he's so stuck in the role of "gadget guy" that sometimes he likes to do things with his bare hands.
    Skye: You make the gadgets with your bare hands!
    Fitz: Just allow me these rare moments of self-pity, okay? You are the least supportive pretend girlfriend I have ever had!
  • Skye teases Fitz a bit about getting "a little flustered back there." He shoots back:
    Fitz: What? When you kissed me on the cheek like my grandmother? Good going. Really selling our relationship there.
  • Ward hesitates before punching a female opponent in the face, so he slugs her in the gut instead.
  • Coulson hopes they're not dealing with alternate dimensions, because he so doesn't want to go to Asgard right now.
  • Stan Lee's cameo.

  • May slamming Quinn's head onto the table, Batman-style.
  • Ward and Triplet after exchanging pleasantries:
    Trip: Man, this is like the Playboy jet. A man could get soft bunking in a space like this. How did Coulson swing such a sweet ride?
    Ward: He died.
    Trip: ...That's tight.
  • A bit of Black Comedy courtesy of Garrett:
    Fitz: Comms are down. There's too much mountain on top of us.
    Garrett: Trust me, it's better. You don't want them hearing the horrible death we're walking into.
    [Fitz gives a shocked look.]
    Garrett: Humor, son. You Brits are too serious. Besides, if the job was easy...
    Ward: wouldn't be any fun.
    Fitz: I'm not afraid. Not yet. I suspect the real danger won't happen until we breach that bulletproof glass.
    Coulson: What do you think, Fitz? Can you get us inside?
    Fitz: To certain horrible death? Absolutely.

     Yes Men 
  • Simmons catching Skye attempting to sneak out of bed (for the umpteenth time) and the latter grumbling about "prison warden extending her house arrest".
  • The context puts a damper on it, but it's fun to see Sif's reaction to Coulson's asking about blue aliens; she has no idea why he's so interested in them.
  • Simmons attacking Coulson with a fire extinguisher, thinking he's under Lorelei's control.
  • The way Fitz acts while under Lorelei's control. He's like a kid with a crush, just ecstatic that the girl he likes is talking with him. Likewise, Coulson's rather obvious attempt to play along and pretend he's also brainwashed...which Fitz completely buys.
    • The way he frets when he spots Simmons has gotten loose and chases after her.
      Fitz: Oh dear.
  • Coulson and Simmons's entire plan for taking down Fitz while he's brainwashed is laughably simplistic, and it works. The way Fitz turns around and politely responds with "Sir?" after Coulson calls his name, only to be clocked in the face and knocked unconscious the next second, is particularly amusing.
    • Simmons' reaction to Fitz getting clocked by Coulson.
      "Poor thing! He's always getting knocked out, isn't he?"
  • Simmons's cheerful comment "I'm not saying you're weak, I'm saying all men are weak" to Fitz — presumably meant to make him feel better — seems to set him on the defensive even more.
    • In a similar vein, May's reaction to Sif's comment that only men are vulnerable to Lorelei is a smirk which, given her character, is as good as a laughing fit.
  • She may be a villain, but Lorelei grousing about Earth money was pretty hilarious:
    Lorelei: I ask for gold and you give me paper!
    • She also wonders who the "ugly woman"note  on the hundred dollar bill is.
    • Followed by Rooster's misinformed explanation that said "ugly woman" used to be president.note 
  • Simmons and Skye realize they've been locked in the hospital room. You, as a viewer think maybe the doors have been locked by Fitz or maybe Lorelei. However, when Coulson arrives at the hospital later, he sees that the door is merely jammed by a simple tire iron. Which, he casually removes and tosses aside. The look on Coulson's face is priceless.note 
  • Lorelei is busily taunting Sif about how Lorelei once brainwashed a man Sif loved, asking if Sif would like her to describe "his touch, his kiss..." Sif, who is holding Lorelei with the point of her sword at Lorelei's throat, reaches down, slaps the controlling collar around her neck, gives the world's most spectacular eyeroll and deapdans, "You were saying?"

     End of the Beginning 

  • Garrett commenting on Skye's wounds.
    Garrett: Hell, you took two to the gut! When has Sitwell ever done anything?
    [Sitwell looks genuinely offended]
    • Becomes even funnier when you know that Sitwell has, in fact, infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. on behalf of HYDRA. Which Garret probably knows.
  • Fitz and Simmon's adorkable attempts to out-subterfuge Coulson and the rest of the Bus crew...and completely and utterly fail.
  • When explaining how he's invented tracker bullets for the ICE guns, Fitz mentions tagging a "wild monkey, if he gets away from you" as an example of how it could be used.
  • When Simmons calls on a secure hardline.
    Simmons: Fitz?
    Fitz: Don't use my name Jemma!
  • Blake believes in horoscopes, and uses astrology to flirt with May.
  • Garrett and Coulson get paired off, and pass the time by telling stories about their past exploits. Then Garrett realizes Coulson isn't paying attention.
    Garrett: Oh, did I tell you that one already? I must be getting old.
    Coulson: I was there.
    Garrett: You were? For which part?
    Coulson: The whole thing! And you didn't drop through the skylight.
    Garrett: Yeah, but it makes for a better story.
  • In an otherwise very tense scene, Fitz running into Skye right after May catches him snooping around the cockpit is pretty funny, mainly because Skye seems to be expecting Fitz to have committed some harmlessly Adorkable screw-up.
    Fitz: [Turns around and sees Skye, is visibly startled] What? I didn't do anything!
    Skye: I never said you did anything. [Pauses briefly, then rolls her eyes in exasperation] Okay, what did you do?
    • Even funnier, he puts his hands up in a lame approximation of a 'kung fu' stance, harking back to his comment about not having learnt kung fu in 0-8-4.

     Turn, Turn, Turn 
  • Coulson's "Boo-yah!" when he shoots down the drones attacking Agent Garrett.
  • This exchange near the beginning of the episode:
    Fitz: I thought HYDRA was defeated after World War II.
    Coulson: It was. S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded in the wake of that victory.
    Fitz: And now they're back.
    Garrett: HYDRA always comes back.
    Coulson: Cut off the head, two more will take its place.
    Garrett: Is it a head? I thought it was a limb.
    Fitz: No, no, pretty sure it was a head.
    Coulson: It's a head.
  • When things start getting really weird, Coulson just shoots May. With an I.C.E.r, but still. Skye and Fitz's reactions to it make it even better.
  • After shooting May, Coulson carries the unconscious woman into the cell, where a very confused Ward is still in holding.
    Ward: What's going on?
    Coulson: She's a sleeper. ...the other kind.
  • For all of his years as a covert operative, Ward makes a mistake: Miscalculating a time bomb.
    Skye: ...was that all of them?
    [Ward looks at the door to the server room, awaiting secondary explosions]
    Ward: [turns to Skye) It wasn't as big as I thought—
    [a much bigger explosion occurs]
  • Simmons asks why she should trust Triplett; Triplett responds by asking why he should trust her:
    Triplett: You're the one working for the zombie robot returned from the dead.
  • For all its seriousness, Coulson's Kirk Summation to the villainous Garrett is delivered with perfect deadpan timing.
    Garrett: I didn't enjoy that. This is me being honest.
    Coulson: No, John. This is you being a psychopath.
  • Skye checking out the corridor Ward is about to try to clear:
    Skye: There's, like, a hundred guys out there!
    Ward: Twelve.
    • The ensuing Noodle Incident in which the last five guards overwhelm Ward and are kicking him into the floor. We cut to Skye's reaction as she listens through the door to an obviously brutal beating. After a few seconds' silence, the door opens to reveal... Ward, with only a few cuts and scratches, having apparently turned the whole thing around without firing off a single shot.

  • Coulson's half-hearted "yaaaaay" in response to Skye telling him that pretty much the only thing she was able to get working after the assault at the Hub was the Bus' internet.
  • Patton Oswalt as Agent Eric Koenig, straddling the line between serious S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and awkward Coulson fanboy. Now Phil must know how Steve Rogers felt.
  • When one of Garrett's subordinates enthusiastically attempts the "Hail HYDRA!" salute:
    Garrett: Put your arms down, Kaminsky, you look like a West Texas cheerleader at a pep rally.
  • As if to make up for him being The Woobie last episode, Fitz gets a bigger dose than usual of his usual Plucky Comic Relief Chew Toy status:
    [Simmons keeps telling Fitz he needs to replace the grounding wires on the ramp; he keeps blowing her off.]
    Simmons: However, you will need to replace those grounding wires.
    Fitz: It's fine. OK, turn it on.
    [Triplett turns it on; sparks fly everywhere]
    Fitz: TURN IT OFF!
    Triplett: You need to replace the grounding wires.
    Fitz: You need to shush. Shush, both of you. Honestly, ganging up on me. [storms off while muttering] Think you're so smart, well, why don't you try fixing it?
    • And:
      Fitz: We have to trust that Coulson knows what he's doing.
      Triplett: Hey, I respect Coulson...
      Fitz: Agent Coulson, to you.
      Triplett: Agent Coulson. He saved our asses back at the Hub. But I'm telling you, he's chasing the white whale.
      Fitz: OK, have you even read Moby-Dick?
      Triplett: Yeah. Have you?
      Fitz: That's... not the point. Now if you can stop spouting your nonsense and let me get back to checking my inventory...
    • After Coulson throws his badge in frustration at there not being anything at the coordinates from his badge and it gets shot at by a surprise machine gun turret, sending everyone running for cover:
    • Then Simmons gets in on the snark right after:
      May: Nobody move!
      Simmons: I really don't think that's going to be a problem!
  • The scene that begins Garrett's raid is Black Comedy incarnate.
    Guard: How'd HYDRA know you were coming?
    Garrett: We told them.
    (Beat, during which the guards go Oh, Crap!, while Ward gives a You Have Got to Be Kidding Me! eye roll, pulls out two guns, and executes the guards on the spot)
    Ward: You couldn't have warned me?
    Garrett: I couldn't resist. It was such a good line.
  • Quinn complaining about everything he's suffered since being arrested.
    "I've been in a cell smaller than my shoe closet! I wasn't allowed to eat with a fork, which would have been worse if I'd been allowed to eat anything but meatloaf!
  • Raid "the Fridge"
  • There's just something inexplicably funny about finding out that Coulson plays Call of Duty.

     The Only Light in the Darkness 
  • Apparently, Skye's legally-recognized name was Mary Sue Poots.
  • Simmons is asked, if alone on an island with a box, what is in the box. Her answer? The TARDIS. The idea of putting Simmons through a lie-detection test, particularly one said to be unbeatable by Agent Romanoff, when Simmons couldn't tell a lie to save her life, is funny in itself.
    • The fact that after being told to say the first thing that comes to his mind, Fitz's immediate answer to the question is "Simmons." He's got it bad for that woman...
  • Coulson reveals that Blackout got his powers by experimenting with Darkforce. "Because nothing bad ever happens when you work with something called 'Darkforce'." Complete with a truly epic eye roll.
  • We meet May's mom, and she's just as capable a snarker as her daughter.
    Mrs. May: I may be retired, but I still have my contacts. And my agency hasn't fallen apart.
    • When Melinda first gets in her car, this exchange:
      [Mrs. May turns off the engine]
      Melinda: What are you doing? We have to go.
      Mrs. May: Five hundred miles.
      Melinda: What?
      Mrs. May: 500 miles and I don't even get a thank you!
      Melinda: I was just about to—
      Mrs. May: It's too late.
      Melinda:—thank you.
      Mrs. May: I said too late.
  • Discussing Fitz's plan to deal with Blackout, involving shifting stage lights into gamma rays:
    Fitz: There's a slight chance he could absorb the energy and gain more power, but it's unlikely.
    Coulson: Who did you say created this technology, again?
    Fitz: Bruce Banner.
    Coulson: Then I'm sure it'll go off without a hitch.

     Nothing Personal 
  • Maria Hill on the phone with new employer Pepper Potts of Stark Industries, complaining about having to testify to Congress about the fallout from Captain America: The Winter Soldier:
    Maria Hill: Congress is like kindergarten: "Where is this 'Fridge'? What was in there? Who or what is a 'Man-Thing'?" I swear, I need a cocktail and a lobotomy!
  • Maria on the phone describing the various people following her:
    "But apparently my every move continues to fascinate them. Tonight's standard issue surveillance package includes: fake yuppie not checking her texts at the bus stop, plastered homeless man... mildly offensive, and the hipster following me, think he's Russian or... [sees they've all either disappeared or been rendered unconscious]
  • They were taken out by May who talks with Maria in an alley about Coulson. By the time the FBI and police arrive, May is already gone:
    Police: [pointing gun] Drop your weapon!
    Maria Hill: [checking her watch] Three minutes and twenty seconds. Really? If you were my agents, you wouldn't be for long.
  • Simmons lamenting, "I wish our bunker had a bunker."
  • After Colonel Talbot orders Coulson and the others to come out:
    Coulson: If I come out, will you shoot me? 'Cause... then I won't come out.
  • An old man is wandering through a cemetery with a bouquet of flowers when he sees one of the graves has been dug up. After a moment, May pops up, climbs out, tells the man "My condolences," and walks away.
  • Ward genuinely taking offense when Skye calls him a Nazi due to working for HYDRA.
    Skye: You know you always had that Hitler Youth look to you, so it's really not that surprising!
    • There's something immensely funny about the way that Skye says that the Red Skull was "a big fat freakin' Nazi!"
  • Coulson boards the Bus alone, rescues Skye, and is confident he can retake it...only to find out that they've got a problem...
    Skye: Wait. You came alone?
    Coulson: It's okay. I can take Ward.
    Skye: I know, but how did you get past Deathlok?
    Coulson: Deathlok's here? On the plane?
    Skye: Yeah, you didn't take him out?
    [Coulson turns, sees Deathlok coming towards them]
    Coulson: New plan: run!
  • Phil drives Lola off the Bus, switches her into flight mode while in midair, lands her in the middle of Los Angeles... and is told that parking in his chosen landing spot is $20.
    • Coulson then reaches for his wallet, which just makes it funnier.
    • Coulson and Skye looking dazed after landing and Skye's frazzled hair. Especially funny since a lot of complaints from people about Skye having such great hair for someone who lives out of her van and then on an airplane.
    • Coulson's hair is pretty fluffed up, too.
    • Coulson tells Skye to buckle up before they leave the plane. She didn't have time to, so she nearly flies out of the car. As Coulson pulls her back in, he yells "I told you to buckle up!"
  • In a darkly humorous way, Coulson discovering that the TAHITI project was run by Coulson himself is met with a simple "huh."
  • With an ironic kind of humor, Deathlok's justification for Stopping Ward's heart was word-for-word what Ward gave Skye for his betrayal.
    • And when Ward complains that he can't fly the plane, or stand for that matter, because of the heart-stopping device, Deathlok just flicks his wrist to give him a jolt of energy, pats him on the cheek, and declares "That should help!".

  • Coulson's brief, unintentional lapse into a Scottish accent while repeating Fitz's description of the I.C.E.r, and his hurried attempt to cover it up.
  • Simmons once again accidentally starts to insult someone, then (badly) attempts to cover it up.
    Simmons: May looks barely a day over [realizing May can hear her] ... thirty. You're gorgeous!
    • It gets even better with the possibility that it's a reference to fans being stunned to learn Ming-Na Wen was actually fifty years old at the time.
  • Fitz-Simmons begin to disagree over whose contribution to the Night-Night Gun technology was more significant, leaving Coulson and May struggling to keep up, since they're meant to be feeding them lines to repeat verbatim. Then, their argument is quickly replaced by stunned silence and expressions of total outrage when the CyberTech recruiters criticize both aspects of the design.
    • And they refer to the original I.C.E.r design as the "sleepy-sleep gun".
  • Fitz's defense of the I.C.E.r in comparison with the Night-Night Gun ends with "... and it has a much cooler name!" Coulson repeats it without really taking it in, then looks annoyed at the outburst.
  • Fitz plays with a fake cigarette that emits a laser beam. He sets the curtains of the hotel room on fire.
  • Simmons' response to the above is just to roll her eyes and say "Oh, Fitz", like him accidentally setting stuff on fire is a regular occurrence.
  • The large file transfer.
  • Coulson fanboying over Triplett's inherited collection of 1st generation S.H.I.E.L.D. tech. Even better, this is literally after he's saying that they need to carefully catalogue everything.
  • After knocking out the guy in the elevator, May and Coulson pause to discuss the fact that their sweaters itch.
    • And the fact that May is the one who brings it up.
      • Coulson and May have just borrowed clothes from Fitz' and Simmons' closets.
  • May's utter commitment to playing a Simmons-esque tech geek. Seeing that smile on her is actually kind of creepy after a while.
  • Coulson orders a pizza delivery for the group. Under the name "Pablo Jimenez." Bonus points for Coulson taking a second to remember that's supposed to be him.
  • Triplett and Fitz attempt a Handshake Substitute before heading out on a mission, but Triplett goes for a fist-bump, while Fitz goes for a high-five. They manage to meet somewhere in the middle, with a somewhat awkward result.

     Beginning of the End 
  • Fury hands Coulson the Destroyer gun, and he promptly says "I know what it does."
  • Garrett's unceremonious end at the hands of Coulson. After getting the evil Cyborg treatment, he goes into a nice villain monologue with evil music rising... aaand gets Killed Mid-Sentence by Coulson. Who treats the whole thing like he's looking for a lost set of keys (or perhaps a lost death ray, since that was what he was looking for at the time).
    • Even funnier when you realize he probably had the thing trained on Garrett the whole time and waited until after the (apparently extremely) Painful Transformation.
  • When Simmons is expressing the idea that the energy that makes her and Fitz them has existed in other forms before, Fitz naturally thinks of a monkey.
  • Coulson and Fury essentially fighting Garrett with nothing but snark, and winning.
    Garrett: Phil, I'm surprised you'd try and stop me. Course, I don't blame you, Nick. You haven't seen the big picture, the big bang, the timeless frozen ocean... But Phil here has. We share a bond. We're blood brothers.
    Fury: [beat] You didn't tell me he'd gone this crazy.
    Coulson: He's really stepped it up a notch.
    Garrett: You remember that speech you used to give us, Nick? About how one man can accomplish anything once he realizes he can be something bigger? Well, now I am!
    Fury: [beat] A part. A part of something bigger.
    Garrett: [beat] Is that how it went?
    Coulson: Not a good listener.
    Fury: If you tell me this whole HYDRA path thing you took was because you misheard my damn "one man" speech...
    Garrett: [in the background] I am the key to the future of the universe. I am--
    Fury: [ignores him, turns to Coulson] You got it, right?
    Coulson: Totally. Loud and clear.
    • It's made even funnier when the music cuts out when the camera switches to Coulson and Fury.
  • After a long, knock-down, drag-out fight between Ward and May, it's ended by May nailgunning Ward's foot to the floor. Through his shoe. Several times. (Ming-Na Wen on Twitter: "NAIL HYDRA!!")
  • Fitz having to interrupt him and Simmons happily jumping and dancing around after they figure a way out of their predicament because "Yes, yes, yes! ...this... really hurts my arm..." is funny in a Black Comedy sort of way.
  • The "noisemakers" from Triplett's collection of first-gen spy gear. They're literally shaped like noisemakers, and when they're activated they provide noise to distract the enemy. Specifically...
    Noisemaker: [gunshots] Hey ho, friends - the enemy approaches! Hurry now, or they'll win the day!
  • Just before Coulson's fight with Garrett, Fury appears and stands over him, hands in pockets like he just casually strolled in.
    Coulson: Sir?
    Fury: You don't have to call me 'sir', Coulson. Look at me, I'm dressed like I live under a bridge.
  • Skye revealing the bomb she's been threatening the whole control room with is actually a Hulk action figure for Ace. The reaction of the guy who Skye had strapped the "bomb" to is priceless.
  • Quinn trying to cover for Garrett's presence in front of the generals by claiming he's a "strategy consultant."
    Garrett: You hear the dying breath of an old world, general. But a new world is coming. I've tasted it on my tongue.
    General: ...this is your strategy consultant?
    Quinn: Part time.
  • Coulson appearing out of nowhere in front of Garrett:
    Coulson: Hi, John! [punches him to no effect]
    Garrett: Hi, Phil! [punches him across the room]
    Coulson: [crawling away] Well, that's new.
  • When Skye confronts Ward:
    Skye: I'm not afraid of you, Ward.
    Ward: You're not gonna kill us with the bomb. You'd go, too
    Skye: No. I have a weapon much better than a bomb, that will absolutely destroy you.
    Ward: And why's that?
    Skye: Because you slept with her. And she's really pissed off.
    [cue a Dynamic Entry via flying kick from May]
    • During the fight between May and Ward, Ward manages to pin her to the ground near a disk saw:
      Ward: Just like old times.
      May: You were never on top.
  • Pretty much every word out of Nick Fury's mouth is a combination of this and awesome.
  • Despite all the emotion surging through the scene, there's something endearingly, absurdly hilarious about hearing the great, eloquent, badass, always-collected Phil Coulson reduced to Buffy Speak when scolding Fury about using T.A.H.I.T.I. to revive him.
    Coulson: ...stupid, stupid, stupid! And cruel! And very stupid!!
    Fury: I think you've made your point.
  • At the end of the episode, the team arrives at another super-secret base, and they are greeted by... Eric Koenig? He's not dead? No, wait, it's actually his brother that he mentioned playing Call of Duty with before, who delivers almost word-for-word the exact same Fanboy speech to Coulson that Eric did several episodes earlier.
  • Kaminsky, wielding the Berserker Staff, and clearly is going to be the most dangerous out of all of the HYDRA supersoldiers in the room. Then he calls May "the Cavalry" and she promptly rips the Staff from his hands and knocks him out in a second.

Season Two

  • This exchange between Jim and Dum Dum while raiding the HYDRA camp.
    Jim: Nice and calm, no sudden moves, or we'll tie a blasting cap to your... hey, Dugan, what's the German word for nuts?
    Dum Dum Dugan: I dunno, Jim. [cocks shotgun] But tie a blasting cap to 'em, I bet we'll hear it.
  • Lance warns Idaho not to look Coulson directly in the eye.
    Idaho: [nervous] Really?
    Lance: Nah, he's not so bad.
  • Brigadier General Talbot getting ushered away to safety...only to find out he just got snatched by S.H.I.E.L.D.
    May: [aims an ICER pistol at him] Hi again.
    Talbot: Son of a bitch...
  • Coulson's impersonation of Talbot. And Koenig telling him to "Go bigger!" before trying to reel Coulson back in when he goes too far.
    Coulson: [as Talbot] I want General Jones and his friends sent directly to the Ordinance Depot to meet me—
    Koenig: [whispers] Go bigger, go bigger!
    Coulson: ...or I'll have you so deep in horse manure, son, you'll need a damn snorkel!

     Heavy Is the Head 
  • Coulson reveals the stolen Quinjet and the cloakable Bus to Talbot and his men as a show of power.
    Coulson: And this is just the tip of the iceberg. [into his communicator, aside from Talbot] Let's go before the iceberg runs out of fuel.
    • In the same scene, when Talbot inquires about Lance's whereabouts, Coulson casually admits he's watching Cake Boss.
  • Skye raving about Creel's Power Perversion Potential after Trip jokingly asks if he gets lonely.
    Skye: Probably not. He is jacked, and can turn any body part into any substance he wants.
    Coulson: [frowning] Okay. Thank you for that.
    • Also, the "Ohh yeah" look on Skye's face when she says it.
  • Despite her every scene being lightly tinged with Nightmare Fuel, the hallucination of Simmons gets some pretty funny moments in general:
    • Even in Fitz's hallucination she's attracted to well-built black men. Becomes extra funny when you realise that that means Fitz just checked out Mack, on her behalf.
    • When Fitz is reluctant to hand his research over to Mack, the scene cuts to Fitz's POV with Simmons smiling encouragingly and moving his arm for him.
    • Her unusually sarcastic delivery of some lines when Fitz's hallucination is slipping can also be pretty funny:
      Mack: [to Fitz] Who are you talking to?
      Simmons [annoyed, standing directly between them] Um, me!
  • Coulson has tried Yoga, he's not flexible enough for it. But thanks.
  • Mack's response to Fitz's bout of Tantrum Throwing while they're yelling at each other is to snarl at the three young lab techs, who've been not only silent but completely still for the entire scene:
    Mack: Beat it! You pissed him off!
    • And they do.
  • Raina split with HYDRA because world domination is so 1945.
  • When Trip is about to get tranquilized by Lance
  • Coulson mentions that shooting May was a bad idea.
    Lance: She the type that holds a grudge?
    Coulson: Savors it, actually.
  • Coulson mentioning that the crippled S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't have a fleet of helicarriers or thousands of agents anymore, and considers them lucky that they still have their George Foreman grill.
  • Fitz is talking with Mack, trying to explain some Techno Babble and starts patting him on the shoulder, expecting him to finish the sentence. Mack is shaking his head, clearly not understanding what Fitz is on about even though he modified the device himself.
    Mack: Hey, you know how some guys can play a tune by ear? Well I need sheet music.

     Making Friends and Influencing People 
  • As Simmons heads to work, the incredibly cheerful "God Help The Girl" plays in the background, making the ensuing montage of her walking to work and cheerfully greeting the doorman seem like something out of That Girl. And absolutely nothing seems out of the ordinary until she gets in the elevator and we see the HYDRA logo in the background.
  • Lance apologizes to May for shooting her. For the 470th time. May's response?
    May: Don't be sorry. Just wait.
  • May telling Lance that they're even after she got to shoot him back, while still making it clear that he can expect a shot from Trip too.
  • Coulson showing up in Simmons' apartment, implying that he just learned she's a HYDRA agent. Things look utterly, deadly serious.
    Coulson: Did you think I wouldn't find out? [opens her fridge] Sriracha? Beer? That's all? What kind of diet is that?
    • Immediately afterwards, he rummages through a brown paper bag to reveal that he's bought her groceries.
  • In the middle of the S.H.I.E.L.D./HYDRA firefight in the cargo freighter, the scene cuts away to Mack playing Gears of War on Koenig's Xbox 360.
  • When Lance says May shot him, Trip says something along the lines of "Damn, I wanted to be the one."

     Face My Enemy 
  • Alphonso, acting as the driver for Coulson and May's op, showing off his Rolls Royce. Coulson knows what he's getting at.
    Coulson: You're still not touching Lola.
  • The team has seen some truly crazy things in their work. But nothing seems to weird them out more than chatty, laughing May.
    Fitz: That's very alarming.
    • And she does it so little that she complains her face hurts after a particularly hearty laugh.
      May: [while smiling] My face hurts.
    • Skye's reaction to learning that May is laughing is to startle like she's been slapped. She asks "Is everything okay?" as if the world had been turned upside down because May was laughing.
    • Tripp looks at Skye, as if seeking confirmation that he just heard what Coulson said correctly.
    • Hunter and Mack wordlessly exchange horrified look as if thinking "What the fuck just happened?" as they listen to May's laughter.
    • Coulson's tone while explaining to the team that May was laughing sounds like "You guys have no idea."
    • In fact, any scene with May in her persona is this, just for the sheer strangeness.
  • Coulson getting ready to tip-toe through a Laser Hallway, only for May to roll her eyes and walk right through, setting off the alarm.
    May: They already know we're here.
  • Talbot begins ominously walking towards May and Coulson. When May asks what's going on, Coulson theorizes that Talbot is pissed off at them for kidnapping him that time. Clark Gregg's delivery, like he's genuinely confused that someone could be holding a grudge over something so minor, nails it.
  • The rest of the team's visible irritation over Hunter and Skye's flirting.
  • Mack saying with utter seriousness that having to pretend to like quinoa for one of his girlfriends was "a pretty dark time in my life."
  • When May is flirting with Soto at the party, Soto’s bodyguard gives a hearty eye roll.
  • Lance claims he had an Interspecies Romance because his ex is a "demonic hellbeast".
    • Even more Hilarious in Hindsight considering the "hellbeast" turns out to be Agent Bobbi "Mockingbird" Morse, who recommended him for his current job in the first place and is now his teammate!
    • Also, Skye's response is "Hey, at least you got away from your ex. The guy I had a crush on is now the psycho living in our basement."
  • Fitz's hallucination of Simmons gets annoyed at Fitz for refusing to talk to her. He responds in an irritated whisper that that's because it's embarrassing.
  • The look on Bakshi's face when May gets loose and charges at him is hilarious.
  • Fitz and Hunter briefly partnering up to repair the plane has some hilarious dialogue, starting with Hunter's realization that Fitz chose him to work with because, of the five team members trapped on the plane, he was the only one with no useful skills in an engineering crisis other than that his hands work.
    • Most of their dialogue can be summed up by Fitz shouting "Oh dear God don't touch that!" and Hunter following every small step of the procedure by asking in a hopeful tone whether the plane's repaired now.
  • When Fitz is struggling to come up with the word "explode", Mack is about to chip in when the Bus helpfully provides a demonstration, right on cue. This repeats a couple of times as more systems shut down.
    Fitz: Next it's going to... yeah, that.
  • Coulson's reaction to the May vs. Fake May fight.
    "I can't believe I'm the only one seeing this right now."
  • May asks how Coulson knew it was a fake May he was talking to.
    Coulson: Little things. And she wanted to get coffee.
    May: Ah. [looking hopeful] Punch her in the face?
    Coulson: I did.
    May: Good.

     A Hen In the Wolf House 
  • Hallucination!Simmons continues to scope out Mack, only this time Fitz acknowledges that he's actually the one doing it, since he knows she's not real.
  • Lance's reaction to Bobbi Morse showing up, roughly a complete 180 from his regular personality. Even May is laughing in the background. With the added hilarious fact of her being the ex he's always badmouthing.
    Trip: What's the deal there?
    May: Hunter ever tell you stories about his she-devil ex-wife?
    Trip: All the time.
    [May gestures at Bobbi]
    Trip: ...Dayum.
    • Coulson telling Lance to "play nice" with Bobbi. He sounds just like a father chiding his kid.
      • It also makes the Interspecies Romance line from "I Will Face My Enemy" more hilarious, considering Bobbi is better known as Mockingbird.
    • He's especially outraged that Bobbi is the one who recommended him for the job, shouting "Why would you do that?" as if it's not a huge compliment to his skills.
  • Lance has been drinking to get in character for undercover work. Skye is reminded of Ron Burgundy.
  • Skye's totally justified but nonetheless comically delivered Big "WHAT?!" when Coulson tells her she might be an alien.
    • To which Skye then replies that a "theory" is a scientific explanation of how the world works, not an unsupported guess. Which is a "hypothesis", as many online flame war bloggers would be happy to remind you.
  • Bobbi's utter casualness in saying Simmons being exposed to all of HYDRA is a "curveball."
    • In the immediately preceding scene, Simmons' sheer "WTF?" look after the woman who scared the daylights out of her beats up HYDRA guards.
  • Fitz has finally accepted that Simmons Has a Type, and based on her rather obvious attraction to Mike and Trip, assumes that she'll have a thing for Mack. Her first Ship Tease of Season 2 is with... Bobbi Morse.
    • Basically, it's looking increasingly like Simmons' type is less specific than it seemed, and more "anyone Fitz can never hope to be like." You have to feel sorry for the guy.
  • The Doctor reflexively killing two armed and armored HYDRA guards in seconds with nothing more than a scalpel and a metal box? Awesome and terrifying. Then darkly hilarious a second later when he gets an embarrassed look on his face that says "Crap, I've got to stop doing that" and mutters "Uh, sorry," in a tone that a normal person might use for having knocked over a drink. Plus wiping the faceprint of one of the dead mooks off Whitehall's desk with his sleeve.

     A Fractured House 
  • Talbot says "aliens" at the beginning in the exact same way as a certain memetic individual.
  • Coulson made some changes to Christian Ward's speech. It's funnier now.
  • In the beginning of the episode, while Coulson is explaining the situation about the fake S.H.I.E.L.D. attack on the U.N. to Skye and Triplett, he reaches for an item on top of some plates in a cupboard, which turns out to be a Grumpy Cat cup.
    Coulson: Somebody bring this from home?
  • When Bobbi confronts Hunter about his Psycho-Ex stories, he insists that he didn't badmouth her to the rest of Team Coulson and he certainly didn't call her a "hellbeast". It doesn't even sound like something he'd say!
  • Hunter and May monitoring Bobbi while she's on mission. And May getting stuck listening to Hunter gripe.
    Hunter: You think I'm being petty, don't you? Well, I'm not. I have no problem with Bobbi kissing that guy.
    May: Good. 'Cause you had a hickey on your neck for a week after our mission in Miami.
    Hunter: Excuse me for doing my job thoroughly.
    Hunter: And with style.
    • Hunter goes in to rescue Bobbi after her cover is blown and provokes an argument with her. Then they simultaneously shoot Toshiro — mid-argument — as he's trying to get up from the initial fight.
  • Everyone has to make sure HYDRA's False Flag Operation wasn't actually them.
  • Fitz spends several episodes convinced that Simmons will have a crush on Mack (having finally worked out her type), but when they actually meet, they quickly make it clear they don't like each other.
  • In preparation to go undercover, Lance says the following about Bobbi:
    Lance: She can handle it; deception's her forte.
    When everyone goes quiet, Lance stammers out that he was being complimentary, since being good at deception is a desirable trait for a spy — it was an assessment of her skills, not a passive-aggressive snark.

     The Writing On The Wall 
  • Hank Thompson declining to return to his old life as an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.... but saying that Coulson can call on him any time he needs a welder.
  • It's darkly funny (and turns deadly serious real quick), but when Skye says that Coulson using the brainwave machine to recover his memories is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas, Coulson counters that using alien blood to bring back the dead blows everything else out of the water.
  • Skye nonchalantly answering Bakshi's confiscated phone with "Hail HYDRA." For that matter, Ward nonchalantly addressing her and getting the jump on her was darkly funny too, but that may be due to Mood Whiplash.
  • When asked serious questions about the alien writing, Coulson replies "I don't know," three times in the same deadpan tone.
  • Hunter claims Bobbi got noticed by Ward because she's not subtle.
    Bobbi: Me? You were dressed like a cowboy!
    • Hunter's exaggerated southern accent in the cowboy disguise.
  • How did Fitz and Mack get a body for autopsy? "Just walk out like you own it."
    • Fitz's response is a joke in mangled Latin. You can almost feel Simmons' eyeroll.
    Fitz: Corpsey diem. Seize the dead.
  • Although it's a reminder of the changed nature of Fitz and Simmons' current relationship, which can be a bummer, it's also kind of funny that Simmons and Mack frequently snap at each other because of their feelings about the other's relationship with Fitz, which is strongly reminiscent of how Fitz and Tripp reacted to their Love Triangle over Simmons in Season 1.
  • The bar Ward goes to is named "The Goldbrix Tavern." Goldbrix (goldbrick) is an old military term for a slacker.

     The Things We Bury 
  • Coulson, Skye and Trip discussing the plan with the watch:
    Skye: What is it?
    Coulson: It's a watch. [Skye gives him a look] Deliver it to Cam, the owner of the Kahana Nui repair shop.
    Skye: Got it. Anything else?
    Coulson: If it starts to leak any fluids, drop it, run.
    Skye: This does not sound like a watch.
    • ...and the button.
      Coulson: Take this to the Ka Pua dry-cleaner on Makaimoimo street.
      Trip: Maka-what now?
      Coulson: Not the one on Hookelewaa!
      Trip: Am I okay with this in my pocket?
      Coulson: Depends. You ever want kids? [Trip quickly removes the button from his pocket]
    • Along with the utterly mundane reason he needed Trip to pick up the tie — it was a gift from Audrey, he spilled something on it, and he wants it back now that it's clean.
  • Coulson asks the Doctor if the Diviner is as powerful as the Tesseract. The Doctor immediately answers yes... then admits he doesn't actually know what the Tesseract is.
  • Morse and Hunter finally have a confrontation about the reasons for their marriage falling apart and why they are completely unable to have a trusting relationship. An argument which ends with the two of them stripping and diving into the back seat of an SUV.
  • This comment on Fury's chessmaster skills:
    Coulson: He could always see five steps ahead... which for a man with one eye is impressive.
  • Though the entire scene is serious, Ward, while confronting his brother, blames himself for letting his family tear him down. His brother's response is pretty funny:
    Christian: Spare me the non-apology. I'm a senator.
  • It's more awesome than funny, but Fitz's determination to beat the task Coulson's given him using only his bad hand results in some funny moments, like when Skye comforts him that he could assemble the transceiver in his sleep, and he replies that he could do it in his sleep, very well — the problem is, he's awake.
    • When Fitz reveals his failure to trim the procedure down to under the required six minutes.
    Coulson: Fitz, how you coming with the transceiver patch?
    Fitz: I've got it down to 7 minutes, 20 seconds.
    Coulson: (Stricken) That's not good enough.
    Fitz: (Beat) No, that's with my bad hand. With both, I can do it, definitely.

     Ye Who Enter Here 
  • Both Sam and Billy refer to each other as the short brother.
  • The Hypocritical Humour from the Koenigs talking about how weird it would be to have somebody looking just like them walking around.
  • Billy and Sam trolling Trip (and the audience) by simultaneously saying there's thirteen of them. Trip awkwardly laughs, clearly aware of the fact that he still doesn't know how many of them there really are.
  • Even Raina is creeped out by the Koenig twins. And so is Ward. As he comes onto the bus, he can see one Koenig in front of him, pointing a gun. Then the one behind him makes an angry remark about Ward killing their brother, and Ward looks back in confusion during an otherwise tense standoff.
    Ward: How many of you are there?
  • After everyone else on the team is quite disturbed by Agent 33 now looking like May, May herself just seems annoyed by it.
  • In an otherwise Tear Jerker scenario, Fitz-Simmons deal with the aftermath of their conversation on the plane by being overly polite to one another, each absolutely insisting that the other speak first. Coulson eventually snaps at them "Somebody start talking!"
  • Simmons self-censoring when telling Skye that the situation with her father is messed up... then explaining at length that she didn't want to use cruder language so as to not hurt Skye's feelings at a difficult time, making sure that Skye (and the audience) couldn't possibly miss what it was she'd initially wanted to say.
  • When Simmons insists that she and Fitz were never a thing and that she'd never thought about it, Bobbi tells her that if it were an interrogation, she's giving off at least nine visual cues that would put her away. Maybe ten.

    What They Become 
  • One of the Koenigs explaining his brother's absence in terms that would imply he's an android.
    Tripp: Where's your brother been hiding?
    Koenig: All the excitement fried his circuits. His cooling system kicked in and he's recharging his batteries.
    Tripp: I know what you're doing.
  • Bobbi shutting Hunter up at a sensitive moment by kissing him and still filching the address paper from her contact in Puerto Rico who's being followed by HYDRA agents.
  • Hunter's response to Bobbi hiding a flash drive in her pocket as "something not involving us".
  • Skye's father gets surprisingly Adorkable at times when they finally meet. He wanted to be prepared with almond cookies and flowers.
  • Ward's response to Skye's father saying what he's going to do to Whitehall isn't something he wants her to see.
    Ward: I don't mind. Seeing. Hell, I'm happy to help.
  • Coulson's response to Skye's father after the former kills Whitehall before the latter gets his chance to exact his revenge.
    Cal: What did you do!?
    Coulson: ...You're welcome?
  • Hunter's Casual Danger Dialogue.
    Hunter: Join S.H.I.E.L.D, travel to exotic locales, meet interesting people. *beat* And kill them. *shoots HYDRA goon out a window*.
    • Becomes doubly funny when you realize its a reference to Wade Wilson in X-Men Origins: Wolverine- which was, in itself, referenced later by the Deadpool movie!
  • The look of complete shock on Ward's face after Skye shoots him in the back and leaves him wounded on the floor. Skye throwing a quip that he taught her Never turn your back on your enemy makes it even more darkly hilarious.
  • Fitz assures Trip and Simmons that he can find his way around the city since he has a map... then immediately has to turn around because he went the wrong way.
  • Ward mocks Agent 33: "I'm happy to comply."
  • Coulson and May storming a building full of HYDRA agents by themselves.
    Coulson: You know what we could use here?
    May: Another fifty men?
    Coulson: I was going to say a dozen, but I like your idea better.

  • Cal's disingenuous attempt to soften the blow of Raina's thorn-covered Inhuman form: "You always did love flowers."
  • Cal's cheerful dancing when he learns that Skye/Daisy went through Terrigenesis and that he might have the opportunity to guide her through the change.
  • Coulson's Large Ham performance as he and May fake their deaths.
    May: "You'll never take us alive?" Really?
    Coulson: Hey, give me a break, I only had a day to come up with this. If I had let you write the script, no one would have said anything.
  • The scanner built out of an action figure of Coulson riding Lola.

    Who You Really Are 
  • Amnesiac Sif is good for a laugh, and not for the reasons you'd think.
    • When Thor's name is mentioned, she giggles.
      Sif: I do not know this word, yet when you say it, I want to smile. Why?
      Coulson: [smiling] Who can explain the mysteries of the Asgardian brain?
      May: [also smiling] I can.
    • Sif's memories have been scrubbed of everything but basic childhood knowledge. Turns out that covers a lot.
      Sif: There are only seven known species in the Realms that breathe nitrogen. None of them humanoid.
      [Coulson and May stare at her]
      Sif: [shuffles awkwardly] I learned this as a child. Did you... not? [Coulson's phone rings, letting him avoid answering]
    • Or when they discover that the alien is Kree.
      Sif: This explains much. I thought "Kava" was a name. It is a Kree word; it means "key."
      Coulson: You learned alien languages as a child?
    • And then she assumes Coulson doesn't know what keys are when he's surprised at the word, complete with eye roll.
  • One quick one while they're at the crime scene.
    Hunter: I can't see any blood. Fitz, isn't there some special light that finds blood?
    Fitz: ...Not blood.
  • A few moments later, Hunter spots something on a streetlight, nudges the streetlight's pole, and it breaks in half and falls over.
    Hunter: I barely touched it, I swear!
    Mack: Trust me, there is no universe in which I believe you did that on your own.
  • Coulson tries to jog Sif's memory by introducing himself as "Son of Coul."
  • After an eldery man calls Sif a dangerous monster:
    Sif: I am no monster. I am sometimes dangerous, but only toward those who are deserving. [aside, to Coulson] I do not actually know, is it only toward those who are—?
    Coulson: No, that was right.
    Sif: Excellent.
  • When Vin-Tak asks how they tracked him:
    Sif: [bangs table] You do not ask the questions, Kree. You do not talk.
    Coulson: ...Actually, we need him to talk.
  • After Sif's memories have been restored and she leaves, we have this gem from May:
    May: Not a lot of laughs, that one. And when I say that about someone...

    One of Us 
  • Karla shutting the door in Cal's face in the middle of his spiel to join his group. And when she thinks it over and opens it again, he's not fazed at all.
  • Skye is not happy about having to undergo a psychiatric examination.
    May: Andrew is good. And he's done this before.
    Skye: So have I. I grew up in the system. I've been through enough of these to know that I hate them.
    May: You'll like this one.
    Skye: Yeah, how do you know that?
    May: Because I was married to him. [Gilligan Cut]
    Skye: [excited] Tell me about the wedding. I'm thinking May could go either way — understated or full Bridezilla. She can be a control freak.
    Andrew: I'm not here to discuss my ex.
    Skye: Did you guys have actual conversations? You know, like, pillow talk? Or was it just pillow stern looks?
  • Fitz drinking coffee out of the same Grumpy Cat mug from the Fractured House episode.
  • Fitz' confused look when he walks in on May and her ex casually chatting in the kitchen. He hastily backtracks.
  • Cal is clearly having a blast going all Evil Is Hammy.
  • Cal sounds like an excited fanboy while asking Skye about her powers.
    Cal: So what's your thing? 'Cause I was hoping for wings.
  • Mack has Hunter cuffed to a sink in a bathroom in a hotel somewhere. Hunter then decides to take back every time he wished Bobbi good luck and wishes for her to burn and rot in hell.
    • Bobbi's suggestion: "Get him a beer or something."
  • As Cal and his team of superhumans are eating at a dinner, Angar has a plastic straw stuck through the small mouth opening of his mask, through which he very contentedly sips his drink as the others talk.
    • His enthusiastic nodding along with Cal because he can't talk is also pretty funny.
  • "Ladies and gentlemen, I wanna welcome you to this historic match-up between the S.H.I.E.L.D. Eagles and us rivals and underdogs, the... Slicing... Talons?"

    Love in the Time of HYDRA 
  • We get to see Talbot in his downtime, singing the praises of riding mowers to his disinterested aide. Then there's her look of relief when the phone rings.
  • Talbot attempts Bluff the Imposter and one of the trick questions is asking one of his lieutenants when was the last time he got her name right. The correct answer is "never". Another one is aggressively shaking a woman's cheek, trying to pull off the nano mask he thinks the poor woman is wearing. Her poker face throughout the whole thing is what sells it.
  • The look on Talbot's face when he realizes it really is his wife he'd just drawn down on and treated like a threat. He later tells Coulson that he'll have to buy a whole bunch of Edible Arrangements to apologize.
  • Agent 33's attempt to copy the face of the doctor who repairs her mask results in his hair and beard on May's face, which he says reminds him of his Berkeley days.
  • Agent 33 saying to Ward "You're so well-adjusted." Followed by Ward's Exact Words about how he dealt with his abusive family.
  • Hunter referring to the leadership of other-S.H.I.E.L.D. as "Hufflepuff House".
  • Skye complaining about ending up on "the DL".
    Fitz: The down-low?
    Skye: The disabled list.
    Fitz: Oh. That makes more sense.
  • Skye explaining how she knows an Old Yeller reference.
    Skye: I've had a lot of free time. And Fitz really wants a dog.
    Coulson: I thought he wanted a monkey.
  • Hunter's Felony Misdemeanor complaints that Coulson chews with his mouth open and hogs the mic on karaoke night. Implying that Coulson's S.H.I.E.L.D. has a karaoke nightnote .
    • Just imagine Coulson singing karaoke. That's pretty darn hilarious.
  • Simmons helpfully pointing out that while Skye's powers might put her on the same level as an Avenger, given the circumstances, she's mostly comparable to the Hulk. Naturally, this really doesn't help comfort Skye at all.
  • Bakshi tries to use the Trigger Phrase on Agent 33, only for her to belt him in the face halfway through.
    Bakshi: Take a deep breath and clear your mind. Compliance will— *PUNCH*

    One Door Closes 
  • The conversation between Coulson and the bartender:
    Coulson: That's a lot of umbrellas for one drink.
    Bartender: Let me guess, she got the house.
    • The real funny part is that the bartender isn't that far off the mark.
  • Hunter asking not only for two of whatever Coulson was drinking, but for paper umbrellas as well.
  • When Skye hears a strange noise in the cabin, she investigates and complains about Fitz making her watch Paranormal Activity.
  • Skye realizes there is something fishy about one of the cabin's walls. What does she find when she gets the paneling off? A fist-print from the Hulk.
  • In a flashback to the day S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, we get this exchange when Bobbi, Mack, and Hartley find a wounded Gonzales:
    Hartley: It's okay, we're not HYDRA.
    Gonzales: Heard that one before.
    • Later, when they're setting his damaged leg, Mack distracts him by telling a story about a time he broke his hand as a kid without realizing it.
      Gonzales: Are you getting somewhere close to a point?
  • Gordon is very calm and blunt.
    Gordon: This couch is very uncomfortable.
    • Gordon has a knack for very dry humor that falls flat:
      Gordon: Please don't stare.
      [Skye stammers awkwardly]
      Gordon: That was a joke. Sorry. I'm not very good at them.
  • While watching a news report on the day S.H.I.E.L.D. fell, one HYDRA agent grumbles "Always with the Nazi stuff." Apparently HYDRA's Nazi origins is something they're embarrassed about.

  • Coulson's trying to buy an old SUV and Hunter drives up in one he simply stole from the same used car dealership.
  • The "real S.H.I.E.L.D." agents burst into the cabin, only to find Coulson and Hunter playing cards. Coulson turns around and shushes them. Turns out it's just a hologram. After the agents are downed by the real Coulson and Hunter, Hunter says he can't believe it worked.
  • Coulson admits he didn't reveal Mike Peterson was the backup because he wanted to see the look on Hunter's face when the latter saw they were being rescued by a superpowered cyborg.
  • Lincoln revealing that Gordon uses his teleportation powers to get deep dish pizza from Chicago.
  • Lincoln's attempt to use cooking microwave popcorn as a metaphor to explain Skye's transformation to her, only to realize he's not doing a very good job.
    Lincoln: A little help here, Gordo?
    Gordon: You're on your own for this one.
    • And then, a few moments later:
      Gordon: Don't worry, he's smarter than he looks.
      Lincoln: How would you know?
  • Cal briefly gets the better of Gordon, but then he teleports again, leaving Cal to punch the floor with his already injured hand.
  • Hunter watching security video of Skye getting whisked away in a flash of light:
    Hunter: ...Did she just get abducted by aliens?
    • Followed by Coulson explaining they're dealing with a mysterious new player who can teleport at will, and also grabbed Raina and Skye's father.
      Hunter: I was only gone for a week!
  • Hunter assumes that Coulson's backup is coming in a clown car.


  • The story of Skye's birth. Jiaying apparently decided to clean the house first, and Cal had to negotiate for the use of the village's single car without being able to speak Chinese.
  • Skye mentions that she doesn't like broken glass because it reminds her of the time she broke a crystal decanter in a foster home. When Jianying, horrified, asks if they sent her back to the orphanage just for that, Skye sheepishly admits that she also tried some of the scotch in it.
  • In the flashback, immediately after Coulson sends May in, the local army rolls up, and Coulson mutters to himself "Nuclear? Or biological? Biological always works."
    Coulson: You can't go in there! There's been a biological weapons release! Bad, flesh-eating stuff. Deal went bad with the Russians.
    Commander: Did you say biological?
    Coulson: [smiles] Yes, I did.
  • Up until this episode, Skye has believed herself to be 25. Then Cal says that she was born in 1988, and Skye realizes that she's actually 26. She sounds momentarily upset about that.
  • In The Stinger:
    • Amid some very pressing concerns about him being tailed by "real" S.H.I.E.L.D. after leaving the Playground with the toolbox, Fitz's cheery enquiry of "Do you mind if I come and hang out with you anyway?" to Coulson and Hunter is both funny and oddly heartwarming.
    • We see Fitz open the Toolbox, immediately contact Coulson and Hunter and ask how to shake a tail. Hunter's response?
      Hunter: Are you in a bathroom? With one of those electric hand dryers?
      Fitz: Uh... yes!
      Hunter: Then you're going to be okay, mate.
    • Also, when first contacting Coulson and Hunter, Fitz asks where they are. Hunter, confused about how Fitz managed to contact them, says "Undisclosed secure location?" in a way that indicates he's no longer convinced it's secure.

    The Frenemy of My Enemy 

  • The "real" S.H.I.E.L.D. agent smacking into the invisible Quinjet.
  • The priceless look on Ward's face when Coulson calls him on Agent 33's cell phone and doesn't even try to imitate her voice.
    Coulson: Hey, sweetie. Why don't you drop by? I'd love to catch up.
  • Cal has been calling Gordon "Gordo" in an obvious attempt to irritate him. It works.
  • Cal intends to take Skye to a pastry shop. It's been turned into a currency exchange.
    Cal: You know what doesn't have the smell of buttery goodness wafting out of it on your way to work?
  • Cal's expression when Skye suggests that they get malt liquor instead of ice cream.
  • Bakshi's reappearance has several little funny moments. He has this manic grin when he talks that's quite the contrast with his previous calm sinisterness.
  • When Skye is on the feed, 33 asks Ward if this is the woman who shot him three times. His only response? "Four."
  • Bobbi and Mack share a very confused expression when they encounter Coulson, who nonchalantly criticizes HYDRA's inability to properly clean up the scene of the firefight and then tells them to take him to their leader.

    The Dirty Half-Dozen 

  • Fitz and Lance decide that Kara and Ward's flirting is more annoying than Lance's bullet wound.
    Lance: I think they might actually... like each other.
    Fitz: ...Just focus on your wound. It'll be less disturbing.
  • Fitz bragging to Simmons about how he nearly tackled Ward and how Lance had to hold him back. Just dorkily trying to make a big deal about it without looking like he's making a big deal about it.
  • In a dark way, Simmons cheerily suggesting that Fitz hit Ward with one of the Diviner-derived splinter bombs. He thinks she's joking. Then she pulls out a whole case full...
  • Skye, upon learning of Raina's power: "I thought her gift was spinning really fast to collect gold rings."
  • Ward trailing off during his briefing when he notices everyone shooting him Death Glares. He tries to patch things up, saying everyone makes mistakes, only for everyone to point out that they were all his mistakes. He says people were hurt, and they point out that he did the hurting. Finally, he says that above all else, he's sorry that he destroyed the family dynamic of the Bus, ending it on a Hope Spot... almost.
    Skye: I'm still happy I shot you.
    Fitz: Me too.
    Simmons: You should have aimed for the face.
    May: Yeah.
  • And of course, the end of the briefing.
    Coulson: Ward, just...don't talk. To people.
  • Jiaying and Cal have a couple cute moments, with her correctly deducing that he was pacing, and him realizing that the reason for her somewhat cruel decision was because she got "butterflies in the stomach, except in the heart," which is apparently what happens when she's anxious. And when she asks him about Raina, he cheerily describes her as "Manipulative, deceptive, dangerous. We had good times." With a dorky smile on his face.
  • The team finds Mike in a cell, his cybernetic eye and leg removed.
    Mike: It's not as bad as it looks.
    Simmons: [skeptically] Really?
    Mike: [clearly in pain] No, it's pretty bad.
  • The completely nonchalant way Coulson reveals Fury will be coming for the Toolbox, and then shows Bobbi and Gonzales his phone to reveal that he's getting a call from Maria Hill. Even Bobbi thinks it's a little funny, while Gonzales is left fuming.
    Coulson: Oops, spoiler alert.
  • Coulson doesn't handle the shaking of the plane plummeting very well.
    Coulson: I'm starting to wish I hadn't eaten that Hot Pocket earlier.


  • In the intro, Sam Koenig complains to Billy Koenig about being spawn-camped in Call of Duty: Black Ops, something that was a frequent complaint in the sequel.
  • The "Koenig brothers are robots" joke continues here. There's a robot-themed song and socks in Sam's room.
  • According to Sam's post-it notes, there is a Koenig sister.
  • Coulson's pitch explaining why he and Gonzales' faction should lead S.H.I.E.L.D. together:
    Coulson: This way we'll have a cool underground base and a boat.
  • During the briefing about the Kree artifact in the Iliad, Hunter is doodling on a mugshot of Raina, adding spikes and fangs to it.
  • Jiaying brings up how Raina convinced Skye with her visions to return to S.H.I.E.L.D. and expresses worry about what might happen to her. Cal tries to reassure Jiaying, but promises to kill Raina if anything happened to Skye... while taking his anger out on a table, splitting it in half.
    Cal: ...That looked old. Was that old? I'm sorry.
  • What's Coulson doing while Gonzales goes to the meeting? He's hanging out in his office with Lance and Fitz, who are cheerily telling him how his plan is a horrible idea. While Lance props his feet on the desk and Fitz plays with one of Coulson's toys.
    Coulson: I think maybe we've been spending too much time together.
  • When Jiaying gives up Cal to S.H.I.E.L.D.
    Jiaying: I believe he killed a number of your agents—
    Cal: No! Not S.H.I.E.L.D. agents! At least— [thinks about it] No, they were just people! People who had it coming.

  • During an otherwise tense conversation, Cal gets mad at Coulson for calling Skye "Daisy", which immediately confuses Coulson since he always took issue with calling her "Skye".
    Coulson: If you hurt anyone here, Daisy will never forgive you.
    Cal: Stop calling her that!
    Coulson: I'm sorry, I thought th—never mind.
  • Coulson and Simmons' entire exchange about Cal's condition:
    Coulson: Tell me you've figured out what drugs Cal took, because my gut's saying everything ever made.
    • Simmons isn't nearly done analyzing it, but she's already identified anabolic-androgenic steroids, a liver enzyme blocker, various metabolic enhancers, methamphetamines, gorilla testosterone, and peppermint.
  • Mack's reaction when coming across an self-replicating Inhuman invading the ship is not disbelief but resignation at how weird his life has become.
  • Mack, after freeing Skye from imprisonment, had this to say:
    Mack: And I thought my mom was bad when she started watching Fox News.
  • After Simmons is done examining Cal, she comments that his physical condition has improved. He cheerily says "Careful, I'm a married man," and she just stares at him blankly.
  • Cal apologizes for the damage done to the lab during his rampage, commenting that it all looks "expensive." Coulson merely replies that S.H.I.E.L.D. is "running a tab."
  • This exchange when Mack encounters Skye trying to convince Lincoln to do the right thing.
    Skye: We can stop this, please, just tell me where she took the crystals.
    Lincoln: ...The fan room. Where the ship's air ser-
    Mack: Found a saw.
    Skye: I was getting through to him!
    Mack: Right now, I'm in a crack-heads-first, ask-questions-later frame of mind.
  • Right after Mack says "I'm the guy who kills Gordon," Gordon teleports behind him and punches him.
  • Mack's reaction when Coulson and Fitz show up:
    Mack: What the hell took you so long?
    Coulson: Sorry, it's a big ship and there's poor signage.
  • When Gordon discovered that his ability to teleport had been tampered with, limiting him to one small room, he wanted to know how it was possible. Fitz was more than happy to inform him.
    Fitz: Science, biatch.
  • In a dark way, when the Terrigen/Diviner crystal is about to fall and Coulson catches it. It looks like he's just made a Heroic Sacrifice and dramatic, sad music plays as the petrification slowly spreads down his arm... then the music cuts out as Mack suddenly brings down his axe on Coulson's arm to chop it off and save him, and Coulson starts screaming in what was probably a combination of pain and surprise. The sudden Mood Whiplash makes for great dark comedy.
  • In a dark comedy way, Coulson mentions that the reason Mack is staying on is as apology for cutting off Coulson's hand without permission. Then he says that he's now the one in charge of all the alien artifacts, since he doesn't trust them as far as he can throw them.
    Simmons: We might get a better reading if we dropped a probe down into the glass enclos—
    Mack: We're never opening that thing in a thousand years.
  • When Coulson asks about Andrew and May, he cites doctor/patient confidentiality. Coulson quips that it didn't stop them from breaking into his office and drinking all his scotch.
  • Fitz pissing off Hunter by finishing his sentences for him. Must have been very cathartic since, for much of the season, Fitz was the one getting this treatment because his brain damage often made him unable to think of the right word to finish his own sentences.
  • When Fitz is setting up the quantum field disruptors:
    Mack: What are those things?
    Fitz: Quantum field disruptors. Should contain him here if he comes back.
    Mack: [sarcastic] Yeah, of course. Why didn't I think of that?
    Fitz: [not sarcastic whatsoever] That's okay. You've been busy, and you're not a quantum physicist, it's completely understandable.
  • There is something very amusing about the close-up on the fish oil. It is hard to make that look sinister.

Season Three

     Laws Of Nature 
  • Asked how it feels to "join the paparazzi", Coulson remarks that he thinks he missed his calling.
  • When Mack and Daisy meet Joey again in his quarters, he takes a look at the cute, petite girl and the tall, musclebound man. Mack's face throughout the exchange is the best.
    Joey: So she's the greeting party and you're the muscle, huh?
    Mack: Believe me, she is the muscle.
    Daisy: He looks big and intimidating, but inside, he's just a soft, little, fluffy little teddy bear.
    Joey: Yay.
  • After Bobbi lists off a number of personal facts about Joey, he worries that they're digging into his life. It turns out that everything Bobbi just said was from Joey's Facebook page.
  • When Daisy begins by describing Joey's new reality gently, Joey responds by saying to lay it on him hard. So she does. Ending with a cheerful "Welcome to the club."
  • The nonchalant reaction to tremors at the base. "It was Daisy firing a warning shot." Seems superheroics are becoming commonplace now.
  • Coulson having trouble remembering to call Skye 'Daisy.'
    Coulson: Hard to get used to, huh?
    Hunter: No.
    Mack: No, just you.
  • Seeing how outgunned Mack is against Lash, he quips "I need a bigger gun, or my ax. Or some kind of shotgun/ax combo".
    • And when they actually start chasing after Lash, despite him being able to No-Sell their best attacks:
      Mack: [resignedly] Oh, we going in there? Yeah, that makes sense.
  • Hunter proclaiming he knows where his wedding ring is... and it requires SCUBA gear to get to. Not to mention it's also a cheap ring.
  • When Joey asks who the hell she is, Bobbi replies that her name is Bobbi, as in the name usually short for Robert, but in her case, it's Barbara, which to her, is worse.
  • Rosalind proving to be just as good of a Deadpan Snarker as Coulson, as seen when the two engage in Snark-to-Snark Combat.
    • To the point that they both miss it when they hit each other with Wham Lines:
      Coulson: Wait, is this still cagey banter or are we being honest?

    Purpose in the Machine 
  • Bobbi wants to go with Hunter to take down Ward, but he points out she's already been undercover with HYDRA.
    Hunter: That face makes an impression. [looks her up and down] The rest of you makes a bloody statement!
  • Melinda's father calls her Mellie. The stoic, unstoppable engine of ass-kicking destruction gets called Mellie.
  • Hunter's excuse for showing up at the doorstep of the May's house uninvited:
    Melinda: What the hell are you doing here?
    Hunter: Neighborhood watch?
    Mr. May: [mutters in Chinese]
  • As May's cutting vegetables, her father remarks that she does it just like her mother. And then muses that he thinks her mother cut vegetables so aggressively as a way of threatening him.
  • Professor Randolph is back, and he's a blast.
    • He's in prison, partly because with all the anti-alien fervor, he thinks it's a good idea to hide out in a comfortable jail cell, but also because he was arrested for drunken conduct and destruction of property.
      Randolph: Yes, well, Asgardians can generally hold their drink, it's just, well, one night I tried to hold ''all'' the drinks.
    • He's convinced to help save Simmons, so he decides to rip off his cell door and walk out. Then the guards come in:
      Randolph: [points at Coulson] He did it.
    • When he realizes he knows that they need to go to England.
      Randolph: To the plane! [runs off]
      [everyone stares]
      Randolph: [turns back as the music cuts out] Am I allowed to say that?
      Coulson: Let's all...go to the plane, I guess?
    • Randolph mentions that he got into the castle originally (in the 1800's) for a costume party because he heard rumors about "journeys to the stars". He gave up on any portal because some guy dressed like an owl told him the stories were just cover for human sacrifice. Also, there were these fire dancers who distracted him. Bobbi just rolls her eyes.
    • After Coulson finds a secret passage marked with the Hebrew word "Maveth":
      Randolph: Are you certain about this? It does say "death by punishment".
      Fitz: [walks in without hesitating]
      Randolph: [to Bobbi] After you.
      Bobbi: [motions for him to go first]
    • Bobbi trolls him by mentioning a bunker they found under the Louvre, and keeps up a perfect poker face when Randolph asks if she's just joking, leaving him grumbling that now he'll have to check it out for himself.
  • When Coulson asks what Fitz needs to rescue Simmons from another planet, Fitz says he needs more historical data on the Monolith, an expert in quantum mechanics, an expert in Einstein-Rosen Bridge theory, and a sandwich would be nice.
    Coulson: I might have an idea—about the other things.
  • Ward had Werner (Von Strucker) tortured to either break his spirit or break his weak, privileged shell, proving he was worthy to be a leader in the new HYDRA. Werner is, understandably, a little peeved towards Ward. When Ward asks him to sit down and talk, he mentions a bargaining chip...
    Ward: I brought tacos.
  • The team is able to find the Monolith chamber in the castle because the Hebrew word is carved everywhere.
    Coulson: See, this is why I had the S.H.I.E.L.D. logos removed. It's like you're screaming for attention.
    Bobbi: know, there's a ginormous eagle symbol on top of our jet.
    Coulson: Yeah, I know. Sometimes I just can't help myself with the cool.
  • Ward raiding Werner's party boat and beating up his mooks with little effort. Then one of the mooks actually manages to land a hit on Ward, and when you're expecting Ward to let loose with a Blood Upgrade-fueled ass-kicking... he pulls out a gun and shoots him.
  • After Daisy passes out after the machine activates the Monolith, Coulson rushes to her side and calls her "Skye" again. She wakes up with an annoyed "Daisy," and Bobbi wryly notes that Coulson is still having trouble with the name change.
  • Daisy complains that Dr. Garner still won't certify anyone for her team, and that he said Daisy is being reckless.
    Coulson: Don't take it personally. He probably just meant that—
    Daisy: He said you're desperate.
    Coulson: What? He didn't say that... Did he say that?
    Bobbi: Let me guess. I'm struggling to come to terms with physical limitations and losing my sense of self instead of redefining it.
    Daisy: No, he didn't mention you.
    Bobbi: [sounding offended] Oh.
    Daisy: Oh, he did. That's what he said.
    Bobbi: Oh, good.
  • Hunter tells May that people at HQ are gossiping about why she hasn't come back from a spiritual walkabout to a midlife crisis. He amends this to early midlife crisis when she gives him a look.
  • After May tells Hunter that Fitz managed to rescue Simmons:
    Hunter: Beers? Come on, let's get some beers! Come on, May, smile for once in your life!

     A Wanted (Inhu)man 
  • Hunter and his friend get so drunk they need subtitles.
    May: Like you guys aren't hard enough to understand.
  • May calls Hunter out for lying to Bobbi. But Hunter insists that Bobbi knows that he's lying, so it's not even a lie in a technical sense.
  • During Rosalind's hunt for Lincoln, she gets a call from the President. She rolls her eyes, but takes it. Then it turns out to be Coulson instead.
    Coulson: You're not the only one with a connection to the White House. Mine is a hijacked satelite feed that will be detected soon, so I'll be brief.
  • Rosalind chastising Coulson for focusing more on her car than her in their meetup.
    "Eyes up here."
  • Upon meeting with Coulson in person, Rosalind has a few things to say...
    Rosalind: Last time, you disarmed me with your easy-going manner.
    Coulson: I see what you did there.
    Rosalind: I have to hand it to you, I wonder what else you have up your sleeve.
    Coulson: Okay, I get it.
  • May getting full-on bear-hugged by Spud, complete with him lifting her up off the ground. Her expression is absolutely hilarious.
  • When Bobbi calls Hunter, she asks if he's doing something stupid. At this point, he's walking around hungover, casually holding a loaded assault rifle with one hand like it's a sandwich, and says "Not yet."
  • Fitz decides to take Simmons out on the date he asked her out on all those months ago, reminding her that taking him to a restaurant after he woke from his coma was what made him feel like a human being for the first time in months.
    Simmons: [surprised] You complained the entire time.
    Fitz: Well...okay, a crabby human being.

     Devils You Know 
  • With Simmons on bed rest, Bobbi gets to play the other half of Fitz's scientist pair... and she can't stand it. He has all sorts of systems and color-coding that she's not familiar with, to the point that she can't even put a sample in a bag without being told she's doing it wrong.
    Bobbi: The other day, I tried to put a bio-sample in a clear bag.
    Simmons: That makes no sense! B is for blue is for biological-- [notices Bobbi glaring at her] —and I can see how that could be frustrating.
  • "The killer has an IT guy?"
  • When Mack compares Lash to a great white shark:
    Mack: It's like a great white shark. Built to eat, sleep—
    Daisy: And kill.
    Mack: I was going to say "make little baby sharks", but then Jaws was probably twenty years before you were born.note 
  • Mack and Daisy get spooked by the noises in the darkened building they're pursuing Lash through.
    Daisy: Do we have movement?
    Mack: I don't know, I can't see a damn thing.
    Daisy: Well, do you want me to take point?
    Mack: [pauses, clearly nervous] I'm going, I'm going...
  • Coulson claims he has a "laser finger" on his prosthetic hand. Even Rosalind is curious about it.
  • Ward and Hunter's Trash Talk during their shootout. Ward asks if Hunter was stupid enough to take him on alone. Hunter snarks back about Ward's Accidental Murder of Kara. The camera even shows Ward visibly recoiling from the burn.
    Ward: Come on, Hunter, you weren't stupid enough to think you could just come in here all cowboy, did you?
    Hunter: This coming from the guy who accidentally shot his girlfriend?

     4,722 Hours 

  • Jemma tries to follow S.H.I.E.L.D. protocols for being stranded: Hold position and wait for rescue. This is after she realizes she's halfway across the galaxy.
  • Jemma's attempts to explore her environment start with jumping up and down.
    Simmons: Gravity seems a bit stronger than Earth normal...or I'm just exhausted. [jumps some more] Think it's the gravity.
  • After fighting a monster for food, Jemma swears with the same elongated "biatch" as Fitz.
    Simmons: You're dinner, biatch!
  • Jemma makes an impressive belch after snacking on the sea creature she killed and cooked.
    Simmons: [to the photo of Fitz on her phone] You'd be so proud of me, Fitz. I killed the monster plant. Then I made a fire, cooked him, and ate him. And then I burped. Really loud.
  • Will falls for the sick prisoner ploy.
  • Will insists he's not "science-y," but still uses some high-level vocabulary to describe a glowing crack in the wall.
    Will: There's a luminous substrata below us.
    Simmons: It's warm.
    Will: It's a natural source of heat. Keeps the planet warm without sunlight.
    Simmons: Well that sounds very science-y of you.
    Will: I think it's the fires of Hell.
    Simmons: Okay, then.
  • Jemma and Will defining their roles.
    Simmons: You just have to have hope.
    Will: There's no hope. Not on this planet.
    Simmons: Then that's how we'll work. I'll be the voice of hope, you'll be the voice of doom. Deal? [extends hand to shake]
    Will: [shakes hand]
    Simmons: See? It's working already.
    Will: No, it's not.
  • Will makes a gas-powered grappling hook to cross a canyon.
    Will: What, did you think I was going to build a helicopter?
    Simmons: Kinda.
  • To pass time on their hike to the portal, they make small talk.
    Simmons: Eat, sleep, or shower. Which are you going to do first when we get back?
    Will: Eat, of course. What about you?
    Simmons: I in the shower and fall asleep while doing it.
    Will: That's very efficient. I expected nothing less.
  • Jemma and Will celebrate the first sunrise to occur in the part of the planet they live on in eighteen years with a toast made with wine that was taken from the body of a 19th century explorer, and has long since turned to vinegar.
    Will: Just let it breathe.
  • There's something hilarious about Will's reaction to the speed at which technology advanced while he was away, especially considering that he wasn't on Earth for when Tony Stark basically jump-started a new technological revolution.

    Among Us Hide... 

  • Hunter giving Fitz terrible advice about how he shouldn't help bring Will back.
    Hunter: If your girlfriend's ex wants to visit from Phoenix, you do not buy him a plane ticket.
    Fitz: ...that's really specific.
  • After being benched for screwing up the Ward mission, Hunter spends the episode trying to make himself useful in other ways. This includes giving Fitz Green-Eyed Monster advice regarding Will, trying to correct his spelling of the aliases Fitz gave to May and Bobbi, and then volunteering as The Driver for Mack and Daisy.
    Hunter: Nothing yet... Banks still isn't back.
    Mack: He wasn't back thirty-seven seconds ago either, but thanks for the regular updates.
    Hunter: So what’s the plan when he gets back? Is this a grab-and-torture kind of deal? [Daisy and Mack stare at him, but Hunter doesn’t notice and keeps talking] Chokehold might not work if he turns out to be Lash. But we could...
    Daisy: Whoa, whoa, slow down, gitmo. I thought you just wanted to drive.
    Hunter: Just offering helpful suggestions.
    Mack: Helpful in what way, exactly?
    Hunter: Um... stopping bad guys?
    Mack: How about professionalism? Doing your job smart, not getting people killed?
    Hunter: [sighs] Hm.... wild guess, this isn’t about following Banks.
    Daisy: Hunter, come on. Andrew almost died.
    Hunter: And there we have it. Look, it’s not like I just handed over Andrew and said, "Hey, please kill our friend."
    Mack: Right. "I had no choice."
    Hunter: [sincerely] I had no choice.
  • Coulson is left behind to make awkward small talk with the cop in Rosalind's home.
    Coulson: You can tell a lot about a woman from her books. [beat] Okay, I didn't know that there were that many biographies of Margaret Thatcher.
  • Hunter decides to help Mack and Daisy by putting on a bandana, shooting Banks with an ICER, and dragging him into the van so they can test his blood for Inhuman DNA. Daisy reluctantly admits that it's a good idea, but still thinks he has anger issues. When they point out they don't have any blood-drawing equipment, Hunter punches him in the face.
    Hunter: There. Blood.
    [Daisy and Mack stare]
    Hunter: ...okay, so there might be a small anger issue.
    • When Hunter shoots Banks, Mack gives a horrified "Oh!" to the act. Daisy? An exasperated "Come on!" And then Hunter gives an "A-Okay" sign.
    • Hunter and Mack are going through Banks' phone and wallet, respectively.
      Daisy: Anything?
      Mack: Guy shops at Costco. [holds up a membership card]
      Daisy: Anything useful?
      Hunter: There's not even any selfies. Banks, you are boring. Well, apart from the fact that he might be a giant beast who blows holes in people's chests, but...[the phone chimes, Hunter lobs it onto the unconscious Banks] I-I didn't do it! It wasn't me!
      Mack: We know. It's a phone.
    • Later, while reconnoitering an ATCU lab, Daisy decides to send in Fitz's newest D.W.A.R.F. to check it out, despite Fitz's insistence that it wasn't ready for deployment. Daisy has it because she stole it. Hunter's stare is priceless.

    Chaos Theory 
  • Andrew tells May that they've both matured, then asks "Wanna go steady?"
  • Coulson has apparently been telling Rosalind that he lost his hand in a shark attack. When she demands the real story, it's clear she isn't sure if he's still messing with her.
    Coulson: One of my men cut it off. Saved my life.
    Rosalind: Seriously?
    Coulson: You kinda had to be there.
  • Most of Andrew's Black and White Insanity is extremely disturbing, but there is part of his defense to Coulson:
    Andrew: I'm simply trying to sort the good from the bad. You gave me this job!
    Coulson: That's a pretty poor interpretation of a therapist.
  • While fighting Lash, Coulson tries to reason with Andrew, saying that they're friends. After Lash begins overpowering Coulson's robotic arm, Coulson amends that to "acquaintances".
  • Mack's reaction to his Worf Barrage against Lash.
    Mack: Really need to commit to that shotgun/axe idea.
  • While Fitz reviews Simmons' logs from her cellphone, he finds one where she goes on about how they first met. Simmons remembers how he was so quiet...and pasty.
  • Hunter's reaction to seeing a picture of Will.
    Hunter: [clearly impressed] Is that the other man? [realizes what he just said] I'm just gonna say what we're all thinking... he has a hog face.
    • To which Fitz looks slightly pleased and mutters under his breath "He does have a hog face..."
    • After this, Fitz tells Bobbi and Hunter that the symbol of Will's program looks similar to the one from the castle, indicating that they're the same group. Hunter thinks it's a stretch, to which Fitz points out that they're dealing with an alien rock that can send people to other planets. Bobbi admits that it's possible.

    Many Heads, One Tale 
  • The episode opens with Malick speaking at length on the octopus and why it's a symbol of HYDRA, with some sort of octopus dish on the table between them.
    Ward: [deadpan] Well, it's a terrifying symbol, but not my idea of dinner. [picks up a fork] Then again, I am adaptable...
  • Ward's quip right before ejecting himself from an airplane.
    Ward: Ladies and gentlemen, please return to your seats and keep your seatbelts fastened. You may experience some turbulence coming up. Don't be alarmed: that's just your pilot diving to equalize cabin pressure before you freeze to death. Oh, and from all of us here at HYDRA, thanks for flying the friendly skies.
  • Hunter pretending to be an ex-hacker who got recruited to the FBI as a consultant in order to hack into the ATCU's facility. Refuge in Audacity at its finest.
    • He's wearing a t-shirt that says "Damn the Yanks", in contrast to Bobbi's professional suit.
    • He types everything Daisy tells him very slowly with one hand after introducing himself as a professional hacker.
    • Daisy checking if he knows the difference between a back slash and a forward slash, after she gives him the code to type. He doesn't.
    • His choice of username? "God Save the Queen". After eye rolling at Mission Control, Daisy admits that she let him choose the username.
  • Coulson and Rosalind flirting by attempting to hack each other's systems... and then realizing that's an absolutely terrible way to flirt.
  • Rosalind's non-verbal realization that the axe hanging on the wall in Coulson's office is the one that cut off his hand.
  • Ward's deadpan reaction to Malick's reveal that HYDRA is a centuries-old cult serving an Inhuman that was sent through the portal.
    Ward: Well...that's a lot to take in.

  • This lovely conversation:
    Rosalind: Any sensible girl would swipe left in this moment.
    Coulson: Honestly don’t know what that means.
    Rosalind: You’re such a Luddite.
    Coulson: You know I have a flying car, right?
    Rosalind: Yeah. It’s from the ’60s.
  • After Fitz and Simmons are captured:
    Ward: Don't blame me. This was his idea.
    [cue Gideon Malick appearing from behind Ward]
  • Simmons makes a snappy comeback after Ward mentions the ocean drop to her face.
    Simmons: You really are the king idiot.
  • When Coulson is about to parachute out of the Quinjet to follow Ward and Fitz through the portal, Bobbi tells Hunter to try and talk him out of it. When he does, Coulson says he's ending this, and Hunter decides to join him.
    Bobbi: What the hell are you doing?!
    Hunter: We both know common sense was never really my strong suit.

  • Mack gives Bobbi and Hunter hell for not stopping Coulson from jumping out the back of the Quinjet.
    Hunter: Full disclosure, I was planning on jumping as well.
  • Joey is a little bit new to the whole S.H.I.E.L.D. thing.
    • During the planning stages, he expresses some confusion about what's going on. Hunter assures him that's normal.
      Hunter: Usually, we make a plan, it goes to rubbish, and we make a new plan. Just to be clear: This is the part where it goes to rubbish.
    • He's happy that the enemy Inhuman is telekinetic instead of telepathic (after having the difference clarified) so that no one can know what he's thinking right now.
      Lincoln: Let me guess: You're not a hero, you have no idea what you're doing here, and you think you're going to screw everything up. Don't worry. Everyone's thinking that.
      May: I'm not.
      Daisy: Okay, fine, everyone but May!
    • Joey's bewildered glee upon finding that when someone shoots at him, his power activates defensively and turns the bullets to liquid.
      Joey: Hey, look, I'm bulletproof!
    • Trying to help reinforce the barricades.
      Joey: I can use my, uh, my—
      Bobbi: Amazing new super power?
      Joey: Yeah, that.
  • When directing the various team members on their assignments, Acting-Director Mack refers to the Inhuman field agents as "Power Rangers."
  • After Bobbi explains that all S.H.I.E.L.D. has to do is retake the castle to secure the portal so Coulson and Fitz can come back:
    Mack: You know, you're wired differently than [SIC] most folks.
    Bobbi: I'm not saying it'll be easy.
    Hunter: I wouldn't mind hearing that just now.
    Bobbi: It'll be easy.
    Hunter: Doesn't work when I know you're lying.
  • Coulson's remark upon taking in the alien planet's landscape for the first time:
    Coulson: Well, I'll be damned. Tatooine.
  • Black Comedy, but when Simmons is talking to Andrew, she refers to his killing spree as "misbehavior," in a tone like a disappointed schoolteacher.
  • After finally meeting Will, Fitz admits that he had run through this scenario a dozen times in his head, but he hadn't expected this much blood... or the smell.
  • When Coulson is leading Ward around by gunpoint, Ward goes on a long rant about having finally found purpose in his life (after seeing the large, ancient HYDRA statue). Coulson just shoots him in the other shoulder, and Ward barely even blinks.
    Coulson: Gonna be honest, I have no idea what you just said.
  • When Mack, Hunter, and Bobbi are outside the portal room and watching the castle through a thermal scan, Hunter waves to make sure the heat blooms they think are them really are. Mack and Bobbi just stare at him.
    Hunter: And now we're sure. You're welcome!
  • Mack says they need to take out the dozen HYDRA goons in the portal room quickly and quietly. Bobbi just says "Copy that" and walks in by herself.
    Mack: So are we supposed to wait here, or...
    [Hunter runs after Bobbi as sounds of fighting and shouts of pain are heard, all from HYDRA goons]

     Bouncing Back 
  • When the President meets with Coulson, one of his complaints about the Inhumans situation is that Fox News won't shut up.
  • Hunter tried the fish oil.
    Hunter: I had my fingers crossed for x-ray vision.
    Hunter: I was just curious! I wasn't the only one. [looks at Bobbi]
    Bobbi: What? Rehab was a bitch.
    Mack: You two deserve each other.
  • Mack and Elena try to overcome the language barrier when she claims her talents are a gift from god. Mack replies it's not from God (Dios), but from fish (pescado).
    Elena: Pescado?
    Mack: Yeah, pescado. I know my way around a menu.
  • When the team rescues Mack from Elena, who's about two feet shorter than him and considerably lighter.
    Hunter: Her?
    Mack: Don't make me crush you.
  • When Mack starts showing obvious attraction to Elena...
    Mack: Might be a good thing keeping her close. It's safer.
    Daisy: [knowing look and a small smile]
    Mack: Don't look at me like that.
  • Before getting his big confrontation with Mallick, Coulson has to sit through a few seconds on hold with relaxing muzak.
  • Simmons wants to start over with Fitz, and go back to how things where when they first met.
    Fitz: Sixteen and achingly shy?
  • The Stinger, when President Ellis reveals that General Talbot will be Coulson's new counterpart in the ATCU. Coulson just knows that This Is Gonna Suck.
    Ellis: He has the utmost respect for you.
    Coulson: Now I know you're lying.

     Inside Man 

  • Hunter refers to Daisy and Lincoln as "Good Old Shake-And-Bake."
  • To honor the symposium's hosts, Talbot is wearing a traditional Taiwan long gown. He makes his distaste about wearing a "dress" clear immediately. That disgruntled expression is great.
  • Talbot is searching for Malick's agent among the delegates, and keeps finding shallow reasons to suspect them. This one's too nice, this one smiles too much, this one is too shifty, this one has a scar, this one is Russian...
    Coulson: Congratulations. You've successfully narrowed it down to everyone.
    • Talbot's reaction after Coulson says that just sells the moment: He actually seems proud and takes it as a compliment. Of course, given the actual identity of Malick's agent, Talbot himself under duress, Talbot's failure to narrow down the suspect pool makes a lot of sense.
  • Benched from the mission, Daisy and Lincoln take to sparring, because Daisy needs to blow off steam and Lincoln's assessment is coming up.
    Lincoln: Great. More time apart.
    Daisy: I like it when you miss me. [punches him in the face]
  • Hunter spends the entire episode convinced Creel is going to turn on them. When he saves Hunter's life, Hunter just scowls and says "This doesn't make us even."
  • The symposium takes place in a gun-free zone, to Hunter's intense annoyance. When HYDRA shows up with palm-locked guns, May and Bobbi are worried since they have no weapons... and Hunter reveals that he smuggled Bobbi's staves and some pistols in with the catering supplies.
    Bobbi: I love you.
    May: I don't hate you quite as much.
  • Hunter and Bobbi get pinned down by HYDRA goons.
    Hunter: Were we the only ones that got the no-weapons memo?
  • After everything goes south at the symposium, Coulson assigns some of the crew to find Talbot's son. Cue May rolling up in the truck, having already taken care of it offscreen.
  • When a pair of HYDRA agents are about to execute Talbot and Coulson, the former has one Last Request:
    Talbot: Please, kill him first, so I can have one moment of peace.
  • May is training Lincoln in field reporting by having him shadow Coulson and Talbot's first meeting. He soon spots something unusual: no one would ever deliberately cut their hair like Talbot's.
  • Thanks to Coulson's efforts in trying to save his son, Talbot agrees to a First-Name Basis with Coulson. Then he pauses for a moment and adds "on occasion".
  • When Coulson tells someone to "gimme a hand", sometimes he means it literally.
    Talbot: What do you want me to do with this thing? Because it's freaking me out.

    Parting Shot 

  • Bobbi responds to being interrogated for the murder of four Russian officials by asking for a cheeseburger.
  • Hunter swears up and down that he and Bobbi were visiting a top-secret Russian base in Siberia, in winter, in the middle of the night, looking for mushrooms. For soup, see.
    • This turns out to be a half-truth; he really did grab some mushrooms for soup, much to the surprise of the rest of the team.
  • Turns out Hunter is an environmentalist, and sent FitzSimmons a documentary on the disappearing rainforests.
  • Bobbi and Hunter prepare for a stakeout... and are caught five seconds later.
  • Bobbi plays up the Dumb Blonde act to try and trick the guards, and one of them mutters in Russian, "They think we're idiots." Bobbi replies in Russian, "No, just slow," and they kick the crap out of them.
  • As the team is preparing to infiltrate the base, Bobbi asks how everyone's Russian is. May is fluent but her pronunciation is bad, Mack has no knowledge of the language at all, and Daisy only knows the dirty words because she dated a Russian hacker once. Bobbi is nonplussed.
  • Daisy tries to hack the Russian computers... which are all in Russian.
    Daisy: The one that looks like New Hampshire with legs is "D", right?
    Bobbi: Da.
  • When Daisy finally hacks a door open for Bobbi, Bobbi thanks her in Russian. Daisy says "de nada," which is Spanish.
  • The Gratuitous Russian keyboard and hacking code can really make a Russian speaker crack.


  • Everyone in S.H.I.E.L.D. knows what nitramene is... except Daisy.
  • Mack and Fitz in front of the imploded building, now crunched into a ball small enough to easily fit on the jet.
    Mack: Do we take this to bring back with us? Study it?
    Fitz: Uh... yeah, sure, if you've been working out... 'cause it weighs like one hundred thousand tons. It's a building.
    Mack: So... no, then.
  • Coulson realized the Blake they were talking to was a hologram because there was a slight lag. More specifically, because he wasn't interrupting Coulson. Apparently he normally does that a lot.
  • When the Watchdogs come for Mack and his brother, Mack counts the enemy units by the sound of their boots, collects what weapons he can find, and lays down an escape plan. His brother is impressed, and asks if this is the kind of thing he does all the time. Mack, annoyed, says that he's a mechanic, and he hates this kind of thing.
  • Mack finally gets his shotgun-axe, but with a cleaver instead.
  • At the end, Mack's brother asks if "Alfie" is really a part of S.H.I.E.L.D.
    Daisy: Yeah, he's one of our best—wait, did you just call him Alfie? Wow. Thank you... so, so much for that. I am really looking forward to him recovering now.
  • What has Daisy taken to calling Mack's younger brother? "Mini Mack".

  • Coulson asks if they can be sure the future visions will happen. Various team members start talking over each other about different theories about the nature of time, while May simply says "That's a dumb question."
    • The conclusion Coulson draws from their answer? "Okay, so it's possible."
  • Fitz explains to the team that if Daisy saw the future, then that's what the future will be, saying that time is how people view the fourth dimension. Other than Simmons, most of the team are a little confused.
    May: You're hurting my brain.
    Coulson: Look, I don't know if Fitz is right or if I even understand what he's saying, really...
  • Coulson is rattling off all the ways to keep the vision from coming true (Daisy stays at the base, May goes out in the field, Coulson doesn't pick up a gun) and finishes it off with "and FitzSimmons stay away from the snow!"
  • Coulson attempts to talk out his problems with temporal predestination using The Terminator as a reference point.
    Lincoln: I, uh, I never saw the original Terminator.
    Coulson: ...You're off the team.
  • Daisy coaching May through the fight (using her vision as a reference point). She ropes Lincoln, Fitz, Simmons, and some random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent named Doug into playing the Red Shirt security guards, then keeps micromanaging everything.
    Daisy: May, is that really your best sidekick?
    May: ...I didn't want to accidentally hit Simmons in the face.
  • May herself is pretty funny in the training, from awkwardly trying not to hurt her co-workers to shouting "bang!" with a completely straight face every time she pulls the trigger on her fake gun.
  • The team spot Hive!Ward on their hacked video feed seconds before it cuts out. The next shot is of Coulson and three other team members staring at the screen in total blank confusion - the best visual representation ever of the Flat "What" trope.
  • After saying that "This day can't get any weirder", Team Coulson learns about Hive in Grant Ward's body after Daisy has already been sent. When Coulson finds her, he orders her to leave.
    Daisy: What are you going to do?
    Coulson: Find Grant Ward.
    Daisy: [stares in shock]
    Coulson: Yeah. The day got weirder.

    Paradise Lost 
  • May's initial summary of the "Ward" situation.
    May: I thought you killed him.
    Coulson: I did.
    May: Obviously, you didn't do it hard enough.
    • May tries to take the revelation in stride, hoping that she will get a chance to kill Ward.
  • James referring to the Kree artifact as an "alien thingamajig."
  • When Coulson learns HYDRA is getting into the oil business: "It's like they're not even trying to avoid the bad guy cliches."
  • James wonders if Lincoln received his powers due to sleeping with Jiaying, and Daisy is squicked out.
  • James has just finished explaining everything he knows about Hive, and only then thinks to ask if Daisy and Lincoln are trying to bring him back.
  • May's Groin Attack on Giyera gets even funnier when you remember the episode's title is "Paradise Lost". Yup, Giyera definitely lost his paradise to the show's Memetic Badass.
  • Simmons describing the European starling as one of the United States scariest invasive species.
    Coulson: ...they're just birds.
    Simmons: Birds can be scary! Imagine a million coming to peck your eyes out with their tiny little beaks!

     The Team 
  • While Daisy and Lincoln are briefing Joey and Elena, the former are forced to admit that they pretty much have no intel on what they'll be facing. After being reminded that their friends are in danger, Joey asks when they'll be landing. Daisy and Lincoln share a look...and Joey and Elena finally realize how they intend to get down.
  • Coulson, Mack, FitzSimmons and a grievously injured May prepare to make a Last Stand against the HYDRA goons ready to bust in on their refuge in the Zephyr...and then there's a polite knocking on the door. Everyone looks suitably confused.
    Elena: [from the other side] Hello?
    Mack: What the hell?
    • This is followed by Elena, who recites the English greeting she was practicing earlier.
    • Fitz had been preparing to drive the attacking HYDRA agents out by releasing gas into the corridor outside.
      Mack: Is that stuff going to hold?
      Fitz: Hope so. It's chlorine gas. And if not, we'll all go blind.
      Mack: What?
      Fitz: [stomps on the canister]
  • Daisy referring to Hive as "zombie Ward".
  • May, injured and on strict bed rest, limps into the command center to talk to Mack.
    May: Whatever is going on, the Inhumans are wondering about it. Also, what the hell is going on, Mack?
  • FitzSimmons during Lucio's biopsy.
    Fitz: Note that Simmons is going to make this sound science-y but we're basically splitting open a guy's head to look inside.
    Simmons: Fitz isn't a fan of audio notes.
    • Afterwards, Fitz worries about the possibility of the Inhumans being controlled, and notes that Yo-Yo could cause lots of havoc on the base, and that Daisy could do even more damage. Simmons then casually notes that Lincoln could electrocute them in their sleep, or any time. Then she understands why he's worried.
  • Mack, May, and Coulson are discussing which of the Secret Warriors could have been infected, and May points out that Lincoln tried to pump her full of meds before she could talk to Daisy.
    Mack: Yeah, but he is a doctor. [May shrugs]
  • During the tense scene where the Secret Warriors are suspecting each other of being infected, Elena has trouble explaining and switches to Spanish, causing difficulties for Daisy and Lincoln.
    Daisy: I don't understand, can you just speak English, please?
    Elena: [in Spanish] You're supposed to be a spy, why don't you learn Spanish?
  • Fitz pokes fun at Hive, saying that he couldn't even make it off the desert planet without their help.
  • Simmons is looking at Fitz's picture of a galaxy, and muses that she wishes something magnificent can come from space instead of something terrible. They then say they want to stop waiting and accelerate their relationship.
    Fitz: Who needs space? Cause I've already got something magnificent right here.
    Simmons: [leans in for a kiss]
    Fitz: [turns away at the last second to look at the wall] A picture of space.
    Simmons: [laughs]
    Fitz: One of my prized possessions, really. I don't know why it may seem significant—
    Simmons: Okay. [kisses him]
  • Daisy turning out to be the one infected by Hive is somewhat funny in that the show is bringing back its original Official Couple of Skye/Ward in the weirdest and most disturbing way possible.

     The Singularity 
  • Mack refers to Hive as a "giant maggot," on the basis of him being a parasite. He and May have a brief back and forth on whether maggots are parasites before realizing that neither one of them cares.
  • James has a train of poor nicknames for himself. He even tries to get Mack's opinions when they're fighting, and Mack just rolls his eyes.
    • In The Stinger, he eventually settles on Hellfire, but worries that it's too much. Alisha just shrugs noncommittally.
  • James decides to embrace his cultural stereotype:
    Daisy: Are you drunk?
    James: Well, I'm Australian, so yes.
  • Daisy turning James by smashing a terrigen crystal at his feet. "You talk too much".
  • Coulson put an actual energy shield in his prosthetic hand because he's S.H.I.E.L.D.'s director.
    Coulson: I thought the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. should have a shield. Fitz agreed, so...
    • It also has the same design as Captain America's shield, only with a S.H.I.E.L.D. emblem instead of a star. In case you forgot that Coulson is a Rogers fanboy.
  • Daisy corrects Hive when he calls her Skye, saying that it isn't her name. (Ward never did learn about Daisy's family.) Hive's confusion completely makes the scene.
    Hive: It's a shame [Coulson] doesn't know how strong you are, Skye. But your home is with me, now.
    Daisy: It's... it's Daisy. My name is Daisy.
    Hive: Grant knew you as—
    Diasy: Well, I changed it. Or... I guess you can say I found it.
    • And then Hive considers and nods, as if in approval.
  • Mack instantly says he understands why people wouldn't want to open up to May, much to her annoyance.
  • Ever wonder just how rich Gideon Malick was? Hive used a little over a tenth of his personal wealth to buy HYDRA's newest base:
    James: You bought us a house?
    Hive: No... I bought us a whole town.
  • Mack figures out Fitz and Simmons' Relationship Upgrade, thanks to how often Bobbi and Hunter pulled the same trick of pretending their comms were acting up to keep him from listening to their personal conversations.
  • Fitz tries to talk to Simmons about the kiss they had the previous night, but they're surrounded by other agents on the Zephyr One, so they try to keep it as formal as possible, before Simmons addresses the elephant on the plane.
    Fitz: We should consider all variables as we move forward, because things are bound to get... complicated.
    Simmons: You mean once we have sex?
    Fitz: ...
    May: [off screen] Simmons.
    Fitz: [walking off] I'll see you in the Quinjet.
  • When Mack notes that Fitz and Simmons can't get into a club while wearing lab coats, Fitz and Simmons get real offended.
    Simmons: Well, do you think scientists only wear lab coats? Are we wearing them now?
    Fitz: Yeah. What, we walk around all day with goggles and gloves on, do we?
  • While undercover at the club, Fitz is wearing the glasses with Deathlok's eye enhancements in its lens, allowing Mack to receive video of what Fitz is seeing in multiple spectrums. His reaction to seeing Anon's modifications?
    Mack: Guys, this woman has been heavily modified. In ways you wouldn't even anticipate. Man, I need to get out more.

     Failed Experiments 
  • Fitz tells Simmons she doesn't understand how horrible it was for Daisy to act like his friend while she was pinning him to the wall with her powers. Simmons points out that this was because she was busy being creeped on by a guy who looks like Ward, pretending to be her dead boyfriend.
    Simmons: No, you're right, I didn't see that. I was much too busy listening to the disgusting face of Grant Ward act like my dead boyfriend.
    Fitz: [Beat] That's true. That does sound worse.
    Simmons: Right. If this was a competition then I would win.
  • Simmons talking about how much Hive enjoys his monologues.
    Simmons: I had to shoot him three times to get him to shut up.
    Fitz: Bet that felt good.
    Simmons: It did, actually.
  • Radcliffe's sheer befuddlement when Hive explains its philosophy, and its resulting frustration.
    Hive: The world fears our kind of power because not everyone has it. Only billionaires can build iron suits; only the military can make super soldiers, which can only lead to a war of its own. Whereas I plan to apply a more, uh, collectivist philosophy.
    Radcliffe: Does, uh, does that mean we can get started?
    Hive: ...Yes.
    Radcliffe: Right. Great.
  • One S.H.I.E.L.D. agent tries to claim the biggest gun when they raid Hive. Another claims that Coulson promised it to her in her contract.
  • After Radcliffe's first failed experiment, he objects to Hive that he could have gotten it right had he gotten the right ingredients.
    Hive: Are you implying the mistake was mine?
    Radcliffe: No. No, no. Well, yes, but it wasn't an intentional mistake.
    • He points out that he needs DNA from a living Kree, as the sample he got from Hive is from a dead host. A handsome, but dead host.
      Hive: If this were true, why are you just telling me this now?
      Radcliffe: I wasn't sure, I was swept up in the moment! I wanted to change the world! Besides, you're very frightening. [gets lifted off the ground by Hive]
  • May's entire scene where she's pretending to be a HYDRA contractor to tease information out of James.
    Mack: I was just wondering if there was a chance this guy doesn't get his ass whooped.
    Coulson: Not a chance.
  • After Lincoln goes behind everyone's backs to test an antitoxin on himself, he ends having an overload after taking it, destroying half the lab's computers and blowing a server. FitzSimmons are pissed at him, and take a little pleasure in his discomfort when he learns that to properly test the antitoxin, Simmons needs to perform a biopsy to acquire a proper tissue sample. Apparently, the easiest way to anger FitzSimmons isn't hurting the other half, it's messing with their lab.


  • After Daisy has finished her blood donation for the day, Radcliffe says "drink this" and hands her... the jar of her own blood. They both visibly blink, and he swaps it with a jar of juice.
  • Talbot freaking out upon being introduced to Lash.
    Talbot: Rasta-Hulk is your husband? I don't care if that thing used to be Gandhi. Why on God's crusty pie is it here?
  • Talbot lampshading the MCU's use of comic book codenames, while discussing Hive and Lash:
    "And who in tarnation names these things?!"
  • During his tour of the Playground, Talbot is brought to Lincoln's room:
    Talbot: Well, if it isn't the hothead who almost killed my bodyguard.
    Lincoln: What's he doing in here? I thought this was a germ-free zone.
    Coulson: Oh good, you remember each other.
  • James gives us this line after the Primitives are revealed.
    James: I think you overcooked them, Doc.
  • Talbot freaks out after he learns about Hive's existence. Then Coulson tells him to calm down, which annoys him.
    Talbot: Don't you tell me to calm down. I'm the one that tells you to calm down. [beat] How are you so calm, anyway?
    Coulson: [trying not to raise his eyebrows] I'm getting used to this sort of thing.
    • As Coulson and FitzSimmons are explaining how Hive was the basis for many of the myths about The Devil, Talbot asks if they're telling him that Grant Ward was possessed by a demon. It's mostly sarcastic, but there's a hint in his tone that indicates he's being genuine.
    • Finally, as Talbot says that they need to call in a military strike to deal with Hive, Coulson asks how his explanation would go when he mentions the Devil. Talbot is forced to admit that he would need to lie about that part.
  • Toward the end of the episode, Lincoln reveals that he and May managed to trick Daisy into believing that Lincoln wanted to escape with Daisy, and fly a Quinjet carrying Lash to Hive's base, with the hope that Lash would kill Hive. Since they communicated by written messages with his food, they were able to do it without alerting Daisy, pulling it off without a hitch...except for the part where Lincoln was forced to zap Mack when he tried to stop Lincoln.
    Yo-Yo: What about the part about not hurting his friend?!
    Lincoln: weren't supposed to be there, Mack.
    Mack: Excuse me for doing my damn job.

  • Fitz's extremely overblown voice test during the motion capture.
    • After they manage to shut down the missile launch, Fitz tries to high-five Talbot, but stops. Then he tries to pat him on the shoulder, stopping himself again.
  • Radcliffe trying to get the Primitives (whom he calls "Ronald" and "Ronald 2") to help him override the warhead lock, with predictable results. And when he complains about not having the right tools for the job, they hand him some actual tools, which they're holding the wrong way.
    "Okay, so this is progress..."
  • Mack and Elena's argument on how fast he works. Elena says it is basically "work, stare, work, then stare some more". When he says that not everyone has superspeed, she counters that he has "turtle speed".
    • Later, when he's telling her to hurry up:
      Elena: [in Spanish] He's lucky he's handsome.
  • Giyera and James' utter confusion when Hive is suffering from having all his host memories come up at once.
    James: Dude. What the actual hell?
  • Radcliffe's Delayed Reaction cheer upon capturing Hive. Everyone but Mack stares at him.
  • Talbot says that he considered using the Inhumans in the plan to capture Hive to be "betting on WrestleMania" stupid.
  • When Talbot tells Radcliffe that he needs to reverse what was done to the primtives, Radcliffe has this in response:
    Radcliffe: I can tell by your mustache that you're a man of much importance and not to be trifled with...
  • While talking about their planned vacation, Simmons repays Fitz for his fake-out confession from earlier.
    Simmons: I'm going to do something on that island that'll take your breath away.
    Fitz: [stammering] What is — are you? What?
    Simmons: Snorkeling!
  • While trying to bypass the security lockdown after the primitive gas begins turning S.H.I.E.L.D. agents into primitives, Simmons remembers Professor Vaughn's third year compiler theory to try and get Fitz out of the hanger:
    Simmons: I'm not an engineer. I hope I can recreate what you did there.
    Fitz: No, no, no! You saw me do it! You have a good memory! I mean, you do, right?
    • Later, Coulson asks what it is, and Simmons says "It's complicated".

  • When Simmons asks what happened to Elena (who was shot and needed emergency cauterization), Elena responds "Mack lit me on fire!"
  • Coulson distracts Hive with a hologram, then once Hive figures it out...
    • Meta-City here as by the filming of this episode, the Star Wars, Marvel franchises, and the network that Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs on in America, are all owned by the same parent company in Disney.
  • Coulson describing Hive as a "Ward Reboot Nightmare Hellbeast".
  • During their fight, Hive tells Daisy that killing him won't make the pain go away...then pauses and adds, in genuine confusion, "Or will it? I don't remember," since he's still recovering from the mind-whammy of the memory device.
    • A bit of Black Comedy from the same fight — Daisy viciously and repeatedly stabbing Hive in the chest, only for him to ignore it and calmly keep talking down to her.
  • James has one teensy problem with Hive's plan:
    James: So, uh... when we blow this thing, three continents worth of people are going to end up looking like these buggers, yeah? [beat] ...Even the ladies? Look, I don't wanna seem ungrateful, y'know, pumped to be changing the world and all that, but down the road... can we still look at tweaking the formula? I've had some not-so-golden girls in my time, y'know, too much booze in the mix. I'm just trying to manage expectations moving forward.
    • In the middle of the above speech, James looks over at one of the Primitives, who seems to hang his head sadly as if he's aware that James just called him ugly.
  • Radcliffe geeking out about Coulson's artificial hand.
  • Radcliffe praises Fitz-Simmons by saying that, together they are so smart, clever, and innovative, they're like a younger version of himself.
  • Coulson, Radcliffe, Mack, and Elena make it back to Coulson's office and find Simmons hiding there, who pitches a chair at them as soon as they come in. Coulson dodges it narrowly.
    Simmons: Oh, thank god!
    Coulson: Thank god you missed!
  • When Radcliffe realizes that Simmons turned on the heat to blind the primitives because they see in infrared, he declares that they can just walk out the door without fear of the primitives:
    Mack: So you want to go out there on a hunch and hope those things don't rip us apart?
    Radcliffe: It's not a hunch, it's science!
    [Radcliffe heads toward the locked door]
    Radcliffe: [under his breath] It's a science hunch.
  • Coulson tells Hive why he's there on the Zephyr.
    Coulson: I'm just here to offer a helping hand. [holds up his artificial hand] Pun absolutely intended.
  • There's a surprising amount of meta Black Comedy to how Yo-Yo's cross keeps getting passed around to different people. At this point Jed Whedon is just trolling the audience with who is supposed to die in the episode.
  • Fitz shooting Giyera with his invisible weapon is definitely an Awesome Moment for him, but it becomes absolutely hilarious if the viewer is familiar with a certain popular online series. Fitz actually shot someone with his invisible gun!

Season Four

    The Ghost 

  • Mack and Coulson had to report to a report of an Inhuman that turned out to be some stoners.
    Mack: Jokers, hungry for attention.
    Coulson: And potato chips. If the munchies was a superpower, they'd be signing the Sokovia Accords as we speak.
  • Fitz gets Mack an exploding pen, to which Coulson gives him a look.
    Mack: What, you never wanted one?
  • Yo-Yo is moving through security and asks one of the agents how his pregnant wife is.
    Agent Davis: Getting bigger every day!
    Elena: Oh, don't tell her that.
    Agent Davis: More beautiful every day.
    Elena: There you go.
  • Elena calling Mack "Turtleman" and him being utterly flustered at her flirting.
  • Mack's annoyance at some of the new abilities Coulson's robotic hand has.
    Mack: Aw man, no fair!
    Coulson: You wanted tech like this, you should have cut off your own hand.
  • May's strike force arrives immediately after Mack calls for backup, causing Coulson to remark on their efficiency. While Mack just stares dumbfounded at his phone.
  • A bit of Black Comedy when Mack mentions that Aryan Brotherhood is "not my kind of brothers".
  • Simmons is testing Fitz's new Virtual Reality tech, everything seems to be going well except she is walking a meter over the ground.
    • After Simmons takes off the headset, Fitz says that pretty soon, they won't need goggles, as the device will link directly to their mind. Simmons says that this will allow May's new strike team to train in a simulation, rather than in the real world, where May keeps breaking their bones.
  • Fitz' reaction to Aida's new body.
    Fitz: What the hell.
    Radcliffe: [about Aida crashing] I just upped her PSU to compensate for her image processing. Must have over-cranked it. I'll reboot.
    Fitz: Nuhnuhnuhnuh. That's not what I meant. I meant... what the hell?!
    Radcliffe: Well, you've already met Aida, digital personal assistant, as a voice on the computer. So, uh...I built her a body.
    Fitz: Yeah, a naked body!
    • A minute later, Radcliffe refers to Aida's body as it, and Fitz remarks that it's definitely a she, because he got a good look.
  • May's snarking at the rainbow-y security classification system put in place by the new Director. Simmons' injection of "Spectrum of Security" gets an eye-roll.
  • Simmons has been given a promotion, with her official position as "Special Advisor to the Director in Science and Technology". Or, as Fitz points out, S.A.D.I.S.T.
  • While reviewing the notes on Ghost Rider's kills in the Cold Open, Mack realizes that the Rider killed a man with a reverse Ass Shove:
    Mack: Spine pulled out the guy's—oh.

    Meet the New Boss 

  • Daisy and Robbie discussing the source of his powers.
    Robbie: You're looking to save my soul? I'm telling you, girl, I sold mine.
    Daisy: To... the Devil.
    Robbie: He was the only one who was buying, you know?
  • Daisy says she wants answers, same as Robbie. He claims they don't want the same things. She points out that he pulled a Not So Different speech on her not ten seconds ago.
  • Daisy spends about seven minutes of this episode trolling the crap out of Robbie in front of his boss while posing as an old childhood friend of his as a way of letting him know that she's got his personal history committed to memory. But then she mentions his brother... which proves to be a bad idea.
  • When the reactor is going critical, Fitz and Mack get into an argument about whose fault it is that they're arguing instead of fixing the reactor.
  • After all of last season was spent building up Mack's shotgun-ax, here it's quite casually brought along and Mack just uses it to smash a locked door and shoot a ghost.
  • The ghosts are mostly Nightmare Fuel but the one named Vincent has the humorous problem in that he cannot speak intelligibly no matter how loudly he yells. It results in a rare moment of Black Comedy in their scenes when the others realize that they have it relatively well off compared to him.
    Hugo: Well... he has it the worst.
  • Jeffrey has a good line to send off the congresspeople: "Unlike the climate change accords, those N.D.A.s are enforceable."
  • Mack, to Fitz, while exploring the darkened lab: "You ever notice we never get sent to check out somewhere well-lit with nice, friendly people?"
  • There's something hilarious in the manner Jeffrey has when he subdues May. It's like he's speaking to an unruly child instead of a veteran agent.
  • Agent Piper, May's Number Two on her task force, falls into the ma'am trap and stumbles a bit, straight into That Came Out Wrong Ambiguously Gay.
    May: Let's just stick to 'May'.
    Piper: I can do May. [pause] I can do that, May.


  • The party Yo-Yo is at gets hit by the EMP, and her friend says it's really bad...because now they can't have any more blended drinks.
  • Radcliffe spouts some acronym-filled technobabble at Aida, who pauses.
    Aida: I'm searching the encyclopedia for the acronym references.
    Radcliffe: Right. Take the red cables and the green cables, put them in the back of the black box, and push all the little buttons!
  • Daisy refers to Robbie turning into the Ghost Rider as "going all Carrot Top."
  • The EMP turns out to be a constant thing instead of a one-time pulse, so when the agents drive inside the zone, all their electronics fail. Including Coulson's mechanical hand, which is gripping the steering wheel at the time.
    Coulson: Can I get some help here?
  • As they're heading into the blackout zone, Fitz notes that a guy with a flaming head is a good light source.
    Coulson: I'm really bummed I missed that.
    Mack: No you're not.
    Fitz: Sir... it was quite unsettling.
  • When the Watchdogs invade the bachelorette party Yo-Yo is at, she keeps using her superpowers to steal their guns and dump them in potted plants. At one point she steals a guy's knife out of his hand and waggles it at him tauntingly before Coulson punches him out.
  • After Simmons manages to bring May back to life (curing her in the process), Simmons is crying and hugging her... while May is confused as to where she is, why she's strapped down, and why Simmons is crying and hugging her.
    May: ...did I miss something?
  • After May recovers:
    Coulson: Sounds like you're back to your old self again.
    May: I'm cranky.
    Coulson: Like I said.
  • Fitz teases that Elena might be with a "sexy Latino guy" at her friend's party, hoping for Mack to show any sign of Green-Eyed Monster. Mack grins, shakes his head and refuses to take the bait.

    Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire 

  • May mutters "Killed by Radcliffe" in a way that just screams "No way am I living this down..."
    • Aida is explaining how they managed to cure May, when Fitz and Radcliffe say that they will need to keep her for observation and run some tests to make sure that there is no long term brain damage.
      May: [Speaks in Chinese]
      Radcliffe: What was that?
      Aida: Agent May says that you can shove all your tests up your ass.
      Radcliffe: Oh, that's not very nice.
  • Daisy goes to Simmons for help, and Simmons points out that she can't voluntarily aid a wanted fugitive, as she takes daily lie-detector tests as part of her job. Daisy grabs Simmons' gun, so it won't be voluntary.
    Simmons: [sincerely] I've missed you, too.
  • Just the car chase after Robbie and the Hell Charger.
    • Just before the chase starts, Coulson reasserts that only he gets to drive Lola.
      Mack: Get in the car, I'm driving.
      Coulson: Oh, hell no.
    • As they swerve through traffic:
      Coulson: How much do you weigh, 210? 220?
      Mack: It's not my weight, it's your driving! You should've let me take the wheel.
      Coulson: My car, I drive. You wouldn't fit behind the wheel anyway.
    • Mack lampshading how much faster Robbie's own car is traveling than Lola, whose flight mode still needs to get repaired.
      Mack: Can't be a standard Magnum under the hood. That's gotta be at least a 426 Hemi.
      Coulson: Maybe admire his car after we catch him, what do you think?
    • Coulson's remark after successfully apprehending Robbie and the Hell Charger:
      Coulson: I get his car now, right? Isn't that how this works?
      Mack: [gives Coulson an "Are you serious" look]
  • FitzSimmons are looking for an off-base apartment, though they have different definitions of what they want.
    Simmons: It checks all our boxes: hardwood floors, breakfast nook, bay window, cozy and charming.
    Fitz: Yeah, well, "cozy" means small, "charming" means old. Where did you find this place?
    Simmons: An email offer. Honestly, it was too good to be true.
    Fitz: And it's definitely in our price range?
    Simmons: Can one really put a dollar amount on the perfect home?
    Fitz: Yes, one can, and we did.
    • It turns out that the apartment Simmons got an e-mail offer on was from Daisy, who used the apartment hunt to lure Simmons into a meeting. Though Daisy did get FitzSimmons the apartment. And it's rent-controlled. Now all FitzSimmons have to do is remove Daisy's blood from the door.
  • Mack examines the Hell Charger after it crashed into a Quinjet at speed, found it totally unharmed, and admits that this is a superpower he'd love to have.
  • Mack admits that he's open to the idea of Robbie making a Deal with the Devil. Why?
  • While discussing the fear-psychosis that the Ghosts leave when touching people, Fitz tells Radcliffe that he used to get all bugged-eyed when nervous as a child. Then he sees Aida is talking with May.
    Fitz: What is she doing out?!
    Radcliffe: [looking closely at Fitz] You're right, they are bulging.
  • Daisy lays out a plan to get a wifi bug onto the air-gapped Inhuman servers, involving stealing an ID badge from Agent Abby, cloning it, and then having Simmons sneak in. Simmons just walks up to the agent Daisy wanted to steal from, hands her the bug, and tells her to put it in. Then she returns to the van and cheerfully explains to Daisy that she's Abby's boss.
  • James, AKA Hellfire, AKA an Inhuman with fire powers and a temperament to match, works at a fireworks store.
    Daisy: Whoever's in charge of the terrible ideas division is just crushing it.
  • Before Robbie and James throw down, they exchange the traditional banter.
    James: don't know who the hell you think you are, but you just made a big mistake.
    Robbie: Funny. I was about to say the same thing. Without the accent.
  • The Robbie vs James fight is mostly awesome, but there are funny bits.
    Mack: ...did two fire dudes just fall into a fireworks warehouse?
    Coulson: You had to see that coming.
    • Robbie's little "Huh!" upon grabbing the flaming chain, like he's thinking "Hey, that's my move!"
    • Then the warehouse explodes... and fireworks start flying into the sky.
  • This exchange is oddly funny:
    May: Dying takes a lot out of you.
    Coulson: I've heard, we should start a club, get some t-shirts made.


  • Coulson trying to get the team to share any thoughts and feelings on the upcoming op. "This is a safe space."
  • When Robbie finds out that he's not going to be allowed to join the ground team unless ghosts show up, he threatens to bring down the plane if they won't let him leave. Coulson notes that they're the only ones trying to help him, and Robbie grudgingly stomps off. Coulson just smiles.
    Coulson: He's kinda growing on me.
    Mack: [looks at him like he's crazy]
    • Another time that Robbie's vaguely threatening to bring down the plane, Daisy points out they're currently over rural Utah, adding, "If you think you're miserable now..."
  • Fitz manages to make an antidote to the ghost insanity, which comes in an epipen-like device.
    Fitz: To counteract the psychosis, the serum needs to be delivered directly into the brain stem, so... the injector... needs to be placed at the base of the skull.
    Mack: Oh-ho-ho, no. Now, you know I don't like needles.
    Fitz: Well, I mean, it's a bee sting, really. [shows him the end of the device, which is some medieval hook and prong contraption]
    Mack: Oh hell[pod drops away]
  • After Coulson and May are semi-rescued ("We thought we'd meet you half way"), they immediately start injecting the guards with the ghost cure. Coulson says it's because they need them, while May says it's because the demon talk gets boring after a while.
    Guard: [getting injected] Ow!
    May: Stop whining.
  • Coulson is apparently disappointed that any potential memories of the afterlife were erased by the TAHITI project. He badgers May incessantly throughout the episode about what she saw, until she finally admits she saw Coulson himself.
    May: You want to know what I saw, Phil?
    Coulson: Yeah.
    May: I saw you.
    Coulson: [looks at May in shock]
    May: Don't let it go to your head.
  • When Daisy is fighting for her life in the kitchen, Coulson and May are told that the only way to get to her is by climbing up the garbage chutes. After Coulson climbs into an open dumpster, May closes the lid on the dumpster next to his and climbs up its attending chute.
    Coulson: You didn't think to tell me that before I jumped in the trash?
    May: Where's the fun in that?
  • There is something darkly hilarious about the rioting inmates scrambling to get into their cells and lock themselves back up after Ghost Rider torches the Ganger.
  • When Simmons is being put under the lie detector by Agent Harlan and he isn't in the shot, only his voice, some viewers might suddenly realize that she's being interrogated by Garrus Vakarian.

    The Good Samaritan 
  • A bunch of S.H.I.E.L.D. mooks burst into Fitz's lab on the Zephyr, searching for Daisy and Robbie.
    Fitz: Oh, in that case, you'd better check under that microscope and in the fridge, because those Inhumans can be tricky bastards.
  • After Fitz notes that the idea of Robbie selling his soul to the devil is ridiculous, even while they're watching him in full Ghost Rider mode, Coulson gives Fitz his take.
    Coulson: You know, the rationalist in me wants to agree, but the skull on fire presents a pretty compelling argument for "Hail Satan."
  • Fitz tells Mack about previous experiments with "Zero Matter," a.k.a. "Dark Force."
    Mack: Who names these? Are there focus groups for evil things?
  • Mack nicknames Gabe "Ironsides". Gabe doesn't let that go unanswered, calling him "Black Kojak".
  • Coulson says Mace is on a wild goose chase. Mace counters that it's not a wild goose chase if there are geese:
    Mace: Do you deny that they note  are on board?
    Coulson: Geese? I have zero geese. We are goose free.
  • Due to the Big Brother Is Watching nature of Mace’s directorship, Fitz and Mack have to play dumb to each other while talking about Daisy and the Reyes brothers to avoid the possibility of being subjected to Mace’s lie-detection test.
    Fitz: Director hasn’t found you-know-who and you-know-who?
    Mack: [non-chalantly] I don’t know what you’re talking about.
    Fitz: [also non-chalantly] Right. Me neither.
  • Most of what goes down onscreen is either sad or terrifying, but the time stamp for the flashbacks in this episode? Back in the Day.

    Deals With Our Devils 
  • Coulson watching May and Mack receiving a message through their earpieces and wondering out loud if they all "look that stupid on comms?".
  • Mace complaining about Mack punching out a fellow agent, riding off on a motorcycle without orders, and not wearing a helmet.
  • When Mace hears about Robbie's anger issues (again), he immediately orders that Gabriel be provided therapy in order to head off the same problems.
  • Fitz's response to Mack taking a bike out to hunt down Eli.
    Daisy: What the hell is he doing!?
    Fitz: Mack is Ghost Rider now, but you can't hear us, so...
  • Robbie is practically crying when Daisy scratches up his car. The healing only works when he's the Rider.
  • Radcliffe rolling his eyes as Aida starts to say she was designed "to protect people, to be the shield."
    Radcliffe: Shush, you're developing a catch phrase.
  • Getting sick with the whole Big Brother Is Watching in S.H.I.E.L.D. ever since it came under the new director, May has this to say to a random scientist in the lab:
    May: You, what's your name?
    Nathanson: Nathanson, Ma'am. How can I help you?
    May: Get lost, Nathanson.
  • Mace calling the Darkhold an "Instruction Manual".
  • In The Stinger, Radcliffe, clearly having had a little too much to drink, plays the guitar and sings about how he saved the day. After a little free rhyming, he asks Aida for a word that rhymes with "dismayed".

    The Laws of Inferno Dynamics 
  • When having an interview over intercom with the news, Mace is annoyed by the picture shown of him on the news being bad, since it's not even straight on.
  • This gem of an exchange between Robbie and Mack:
    Robbie: I'm not wearing a mask.
    Mack: It's not a mask, it's a balaclava.
    Robbie: I thought that was a dessert.
    Mack: What? No, it's... never mind.
  • Elena refers to Robbie as "Burning Man".
  • When Coulson spills the beans on Aida to Mace, the first thing he mentions is that he was "mildly attracted" to her, before complaining about the violation of protocol. Not that we can blame him, but it's still funny he'd choose to focus on that.
  • When Simmons sarcastically comments that maybe Eli's powers are magic, Fitz states that he hates magic. And clowns. And clowns wielding knives in the dark... at this point, Simmons is giving him a confused look.
  • Daisy's repeated insistence that she's not responsible for the tremors everyone keeps feeling.
  • Mack's annoyance at the nuclear trap called a "demon core." And yes, it is a real thing.
  • After learning that Eli has a nuclear bomb, Coulson says that it's Time for Plan B... by which he means, does anyone have any suggestions for what Plan B should be?
  • After a remark about Aida dreaming, May asks if Aida dreams, and Coulson suggests maybe about electric sheep.
    Aida: [to Radcliffe] I assume that was a joke at my expense and does not require a response.
  • FitzSimmons give a sarcastic reaction to Mace's arrival. When Daisy asks why they don't like Mace, FitzSimmons answer at the same time:
    Simmons: We don't trust him.
    Fitz: He's a lying weasel.
  • Coulson and Mace are having it out, with Daisy chiming in at one point. At the end of the scene, Coulson sums up that they aren't "a team that trusts," but they need to become one if they're going to beat Eli Morrow and stop him from blowing up half of Los Angeles.
    Daisy: [suddenly remembering] Oh, that, right. Fitz figured that out. [walks off as Mace and Coulson look deeply confused]
  • Coulson remarks that he keeps getting told that he should be dead, but it never gets old.
  • Black comedy, but with two massive spikes through his chest, Robbie remarks that he's still standing. With the way he's impaled, he technically can't fall down.
  • Radliffe tells Aida to "work her magic." Aida tells him that she doesn't do magic; magic relies on deception.
    Radcliffe: I really need to update your cache of common vernacular.
  • Coulson casually revealing that he saw Ghost Rider escape from Hell before, then not revealing the details because It's a Long Story. It's hard to tell if Coulson is messing with Daisy, or if the writers are messing with the fans. Maybe both.
  • Coulson implies he wanted Daisy to take his place as Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.
  • When Daisy's welcomed back into S.H.I.E.L.D., she's granted clearance level Blue. Everyone admits they don't know what that means.

    Broken Promises 
  • Daisy's meeting with Mace is one long awkward moment of them sniping at each other, remembering that they're on the same side, and repeating.
  • After Simmons notes that it's good to have someone to talk to again, Daisy points out that Fitz has been with her, but Simmons says that he's been distracted with working on Aida.
    Simmons: You know how boys can be with their robots.
    Daisy: ...actually, I don't.
    • Then Simmons gives Daisy a surprised look, as though everyone should know that, showing that despite being best friends, Daisy and Jemma are an Odd Friendship.
  • The new director's mantra about trust has apparently been put onto motivational posters — one of which has been hung in the women's restroom.
  • When Mack refers to Aida as a "sex bot", Radcliffe takes offense — he never had sex with her, they're just friends. Fitz winces at how Radcliffe isn't helping himself.
  • Mack and Yo-Yo share a love of Killer Robot movies, which has made them both Genre Savvy about robots going rogue.
    Yo-Yo: Someone needs to make Radcliffe watch all the Terminator movies.
    Mack: ...even Salvation?
    Yo-Yo: He brought this onto himself.
  • Mack's life insurance policy has a clause about killer robots. This actually makes a lot of sense in a post-Ultron world.
  • When Mack cuts Aida's head off, everyone else looks on in horror, but he and Yo-Yo just fist-bump.

    The Patriot 
  • Doubles as Heartwarming: At the press conference, a picket sign one of the crowd members is holding up reads, "Quake, will you marry me?"
    • In a similar vein, another sign has "Mace for President 2020".
  • Coulson's guess for the contents of Mace's Handcuffed Briefcase? Nuclear codes, hush money, and Girl Scout cookies.
  • Talbot manages to get quite a few moments:
    • Arriving at the Playground and barking orders to everyone in sight, ending with demanding some random agent get him a coffee.
    • Calling May the most intimidating woman he's ever met... except maybe his mother.
    • Offering to assign May to security level "Day-Glo Pink" if it'll get results. Her look says it all.
    • He gets interrupted by the President calling him with "Hail to the Chief" as the ringtone.
    • Ranting about missing the Cold War and being able to torture people during interrogation. Simmons asks if he's even speaking English.
    • When explaining that the Patriot Super Serum was based on the Hyde formula, with FitzSimmons talking over each other over what a terrible idea it is, he emphatically states that they took out all the "bad stuff"... mostly.
      Fitz: Okay, so you're mostly idiots.
      Simmons: Mostly.
  • After the Quinjet crash, Mack asks Coulson if Mace's plan is a good idea.
    Coulson: You know what they say. If a jet crashes in the woods and there's no one there to hear it, stay close to the guy with super strength. [tries to put on his sunglasses, finds that one lens is broken, and tosses them in frustration]
  • Talbot, Daisy, and May meet to figure out what happened to Coulson, Mace, and Mack.
    Daisy: [hopefully] It could just be an equipment malfunction.
    Talbot: When have we ever been that lucky?
  • The head presented to the ex-Hydra as a way to make him talk
  • Fitz asks if the fact that he found Simmons pretending to be a Torture Technician attractive is weird. She bluntly responds "yes", with a wide smile.
  • May is in a Lotus-Eater Machine that's making her think she's getting a hot rock massage at a spa. She's acting like she's getting tortured. Radcliffe puts these together and asks Aida how hot the rocks are.
    • Eventually, Radcliffe realizes that the problem isn't with the software, but with May: she wouldn't enjoy a spa day because she's a fighter, saying she needs "an opponent to fight, an enemy to defeat, a dragon to slay". Aida, in all seriousness, asks if she should design a dragon.
  • Mace tells the true story of his heroic deed in Vienna: he tripped while stumbling through smoke, and someone took a picture!

    Wake Up 
  • We get a chance to see the Lotus-Eater Machine that Aida first put May in, where she was at a day spa, and it was terrible. It was on a thirty second loop because May kept trying to leave. Eventually, the program broke because May punched out the masseuse. No wonder she didn't believe it.
  • Since Mack took a personal day, Coulson and Yo-Yo are partnered to plant bugs in Nadeer's office. Coulson is less than thrilled, as Yo-Yo keeps pestering him about what he knows about what Mack is doing, and is less than subtle about how Everyone Can See It between Coulson and May.
    Coulson: You know, nobody likes a smart ass.
    Yo-Yo: That hasn't been my experience.

    Hot Potato Soup 
  • FitzSimmons really made good on their threat to make the Radcliffe LMD sing like a canary—literally, much to Fitz's bewilderment.
    • In the same scene, Fitz's attempts to hack the Radcliffe LMD results in the LMD twitching and speaking in tongues. While it's frightening at the time, it's later revealed that an LMD possessing a Quantum Brain doesn't actually have any traditional programming—the Radcliffe LMD did that just to screw with FitzSimmons and Mack.
    • Later, when Fitz is growing frustrated that he won't be able to crack LMD Radcliffe's programming, Simmons tries to reassure him. LMD Radcliffe disrupts it:
      Fitz: No, I won't! He knows it, and so do you.
      Simmons: That's not true.
      Radcliffe LMD: Actually, your exact quote was: [in Simmons voice] "Where's Daisy when we need her?"
      Simmons: That's not what I meant!
  • Turns out, Agent Quake is the center of some "steamy" fanfiction, including some pairing her with Black Widow complete with the cutesy ship name of "Quack". Daisy clearly wishes she could unhear that.
  • Even more comedic mileage than usual is milked from the Koenigs' Inexplicably Identical Individuals schtick:
    • After some dramatic action to start the show, the cold open ends with some Mood Whiplash as Sam reports in: "This is Agent Koenig. They've got Agent Koenig."
    • Sam and Quake are watching the footage of him and Billy fighting the assailants and he's trying to look more badass in front of his newest idol as Billy is distracting the Watchdogs while Sam is hiding behind the bar. Daisy is not impressed...
      Daisy: I mean, you're ... you're literally wearing the same thing right now.
    • As Shockley says that the Superior is planning to torture Billy in ways Shockley can't even watch, Billy boasts that Koenigs are "programmed to take pain". Once Shockley leaves Billy and Radcliffe in a cell, Billy admits that he's in incredible pain, and asks Radcliffe if he has anything Billy can use to kill himself so they don't break him.
    • The Watchdogs' realization that they might've taken the wrong person. After Radcliffe sees the memory of the switch, he initially assumes that it was Billy's brother, but then his eyes fall on Aida and he wonders aloud if it was a replica.
    • The Bait-and-Switch over LT Koenig who turns out to be the others' sister. The guy on stage is Thurston, brother number four, and the only one that isn't an agent.
    • LT mentions that the worst part about growing up with the brothers was the laundry, and "Enough DNA to grow a clone army."note  Daisy gets wide-eyed, but doesn't say anything.
    • Sam's attempt to lie to protect Billy: "I've never seen this guy before in my life!"
    • The final tease of the Koenigs being LMDs themselves, when it's finally confirmed that they were part of the original LMD project. As technicians, not products.
  • After downloading Billy's memories, the first one Radcliffe sees is Billy making something with wires and a timer, and assumes it's a bomb to destroy the Darkhold. It's actually a memory of Billy setting up a clock in the shape of Darth Vader's helmet.
    Radcliffe: Never mind, false alarm.
    • Radcliffe and Aida gave Billy a simulation of a puppy to keep him calm while they map his memories. When the Watchdogs release Billy as part a trade for the Darkhold, Billy still complains that they took his puppy.
  • On the Zephyr One, where Thurston is angry that S.H.I.E.L.D. has essentially kidnapped him for his own safety, LT asks why he didn't become a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent: they had the same parents, teachers, and liquor cabinet. Sam eventually gets them to settle down and have a nice group hug, or "Koenig crush"...and LT punches him in the gut.
    Sam: What was that for?!
    LT: You let your guard down. Didn't I teach you anything?
    Sam: We were having a moment!
    LT: It was nice. Grow 'em back now.

  • Radcliffe congratulates Aida on her new simulation for May, since the old ones were small enough that she kept running into the edges. Aida happily says "That's why I made the world. It doesn't have any edges. It's a sphere."
  • After finishing a physical on Mace, Simmons informs him that each time he takes the Patriot Serum, it increases the likelihood that it will cause cardiac arrest. Simmons says that Mace can no longer take the serum...and then Fitz walks in with Mace's new suit, explaining all its new functions, before he finally realizes that the test went poorly. Then he tries to explain the suit's new health and safety features, only to be informed that Mace can't take the serum anymore. Finally, an aide provides Mace an exit.
    Aide: Director, we've got to keep you on schedule.
    Mace: Oh, thank god.
  • To ensure the safety of the Inhumans that S.H.I.E.L.D. knows about, Daisy organizes a massive relocation effort. Then she leaves the paperwork for Mace.
  • While Coulson debriefs Mace about the mission to locate Agnes, Mace expresses his frustration over not being able to help. Coulson, having had a similar feeling when working with The Avengers, tells him that he'll find his place... or he'll get an Asgardian staff through the chest.
    Coulson: You might want to avoid that part.
    Mace: Well, that goes without saying.
  • As Mace, Daisy, and FitzSimmons are watching the news about an explosion at Senator Nadeer's office, Mace, Fitz, and Simmons all wonder if it may have been an Inhuman or sympathizer. Daisy is convinced that Nadeer staged the incident herself to turn public opinion against the Inhumans. Then the news confirms that Nadeer's body has been recovered and identified.
    Daisy: ...well, we can't be too sad. She did try to have you killed.
  • After Fitz helps Mace to throw Shockley into a containment module before he can self-combust, a worried Simmons runs over to him... and slaps his shoulder for risking his life. Then she hugs him.
    Simmons: Don't do that!
    Fitz: What, help save the day?
    Simmons: No, do that, just don't risk your life when you're doing it! You could have been blown to bits!
  • After determining that Shockley self-combusts using a high-pitched frequency, FitzSimmons approach Daisy about using her powers to counter-act the frequency.
    Daisy: You guys know that I can't—
    Fitz: Yeah, but you did absorb tremors in Los Angeles.
    Simmons: Yeah.
    Daisy: That's not the same thing. I can't just— [sees them stare expectantly] I can try.
    • Later, she fails to stop Shockley from blowing up. So she instead decides to just wear him down by blowing him up again. And again. And again.
  • Agnes is tired of hearing people say they're sorry for her incurable illness. So in order to get on her good side and get her to cooperate to save May, Coulson said he apologizes, instead.

    The Man Behind the Shield 
  • While sparring in a Framework simulation with Daisy, Coulson marvels at his (now real) left hand, says "well, I'll be," and then slugs Daisy in the nose with it.
    • Coulson comments that the simulation was strangely cold. Fitz tells him that he exaggerated the climate controls as a silent protest since Coulson always leaves the air conditioning on in the base.
  • Coulson's response to a wall of String Theory regarding him?
    Coulson: This is why I don't have Facebook.
  • The flashbacks with Coulson and May are filled with this:
    • Coulson's Russian skills could use a bit of help. He says "Good morning" to a guard at the dead of night, and tells him that he needs to take an object they found for "the protection of your cats".
      May: If that guy doesn't have a cat, he'd be really confused.
    • Coulson is initially displeased to learn May is on the mission, as he thinks she will throw off his game.
      May: You have game?
      Coulson: I have what some people refer to in certain parts of the world as game.
      May: It's cute that you think that.
    • May tells Coulson that he can't bluff because of nine different tells, including his eyes darting back and forth. Coulson insists that he always maintains eye contact, and then his eyes start darting. May suggests Coulson get some sunglasses.
    • Upon seeing a safe that presumably contains the 0-8-4 they're looking for, Coulson says that May jinxed them.
      Coulson: You literally willed this into existence.
    • This episode reveals that while May graduated from the Operations Academy, Coulson graduated from the Communications Academy. Which means that Operations and Sci-Tech grads have no respect for him.
    • While Coulson is yammering on to buy May time to break into the safe, a young Anton Ivanov says that Americans talk too much.
      Coulson: It's our greatest flaw.
    • May thinks Phil was flustered while they were undercover as a married couple and was really so clumsy it took him two minutes to unhook her bra. Phil protests he was being a gentleman and trying to delay because he knew they were on camera.
    • The last flashback, when Coulson and May are driving away in the car:
      May: Say it.
      Coulson: No.
      May: Say it.
      Coulson: I already did.
      May: Yeah, but I'm not tired of hearing it.
      Coulson: [sighs] Thank you for saving my life back there.
  • The contrast between Rookie!May and Present!May has a fun implication: she saves him and then insults him, teases him about the time they were Undercover as Lovers, and makes him think that she was ordered to do this mission and that she thinks it's a hassle to save his "defenseless ass", when the reality is that she asked for the mission so she could spend time with and protect him. The Melinda May that we the audience have come to know, used to be a tsundere!
  • When commenting on Ivanov's submarine, Mack states that of course he has one, "like all good Bond villains".
    • Coulson says everyone needs to stay on their toes, even if Ivanov's base has "sharks with lasers".
  • When Simmons plans to go after Aida:
    Fitz: You want to go after a killer robot alone?
    Simmons: I'll take Davis with me.
    Fitz: Concern only slightly lessened.
    Davis: Thanks.

    Self Control 
  • LMD Coulson still has Coulson's brand of humor and is dripping with Black Comedy.
    • After Fitz' body is discovered to be an LMD and they're forced to kill the agents to cover-up their identity, LMD Coulson unloads a gun into two agents and Pistol Whips the third.
      LMD Coulson: [in the most deadpan tone possible] Damn it. There wasn't supposed to be any bloodshed.
      LMD Coulson: Mack, patch Fitz up enough so he can repair himself.
    • Later, when Daisy completely demolishes LMD Mack, there's a Reaction Shot of LMD Coulson and LMD Fitz staring at LMD Mack's shattered head.
      LMD Fitz: This'll take a while.
  • Daisy goes hand-to-hand with LMD Mace and holds her own between her training and powers, but after a couple minutes the robotic Mace is unfazed.
    Daisy: [panting heavily] Really? Not even winded?
  • After Simmons revives Piper and her team, they don't believe Simmons is human. When Simmons gets distracted, Piper moves to stab her—and suddenly stops short as LMDMack flies through the hallway in pieces.
    Simmons: I'd say I told you so... but I don't have to now.
  • It Makes Sense in Context, but when LMD Coulson and LMD Fitz are discussing how they'll catch Daisy and Simmons. The words "the Daisy fleet" are just funny.

     What if... 
  • When Daisy first sees Ward in bed, she reflexively extends her arm to Quake him, but since she hasn't undergone Terrigenesis in the Framework, nothing happens. Ward amusingly assumes that extending the arm is a thing they do now and does it a few times.
    • Later, she's getting dressed and has a moment of confusion over having longer hair than she does in the real world.
  • Jemma is absolutely stunned and then disgusted to discover that in the Framework, Ward is actually a member of a Resistance working inside HYDRA and he and Daisy are a couple.
  • Jemma's more annoyed than anything else to realize her counterpart was murdered by HYDRA.
  • Because Jemma literally crawled out of a grave, looks disheveled for most of the episode, and Daisy learning that the Jemma in the Framework was murdered, Daisy becomes slightly unnerved upon their reunion.
    Daisy: Are you still dead?!
    Jemma: No, I'm actually feeling much better!
  • Jemma's interactions with the regular people in the Framework, both being impressed by how real they seem for being just "code" and being annoyed by them.
    Jemma: None of this is real, you rogue piece of code!
  • Seems like HYDRA are Indians fans...

     Identity and Change 
  • When Ward informs Daisy that Coulson is being targeted, she relays the warning to Coulson by telling him that he's going to need a substitute.
  • When remnants of S.H.I.E.L.D. handcuff Coulson and Jemma, Jemma reacts with a tone of annoyance, while Coulson is geeking out at the tech used on the cuffs.
  • Framework!Coulson is not the loyal HYDRA citizen he first appeared to be. He's actually a crazy conspiracy nut who is fully convinced that HYDRA puts mind-control chemicals in soap to keep the masses brainwashed and stupid. How does Coulson get around it?
    Coulson: I make my own soap now.
  • Later, Daisy breaks into some high-level files and Framework!Ward says she's lost her mind.
    Daisy: The soap made me do it.
    Ward: [following her] Soap?
  • Coulson asks if Ward is a friend of theirs in the real world. Simmons tactfully replies that he was, but that it didn't end well.
  • Coulson still being a complete S.H.I.E.L.D. fanboy completely geeking out over everything, up to and including Mace/The Patriot. Both funny and Adorkable. Though Mace isn't quite sure if that Star Wars reference is a compliment...
  • How does Dark-Fitz end his briefing to his fellow HYDRA agents?
  • Radcliffe seeming totally unconcerned that Grant Ward is pointing a gun at his head, being more interested in finally getting to meet the man he previously only knew as a corpse piloted by Hive.
  • How does Coulson describe being kidnapped and implanted with false memories that made him think he was going insane? "Not cool, bro."
  • Radcliffe grudgingly admitting that the Loophole Abuse Aida used to solve the paradox in her programming was actually pretty clever, and that he'd be much more impressed if he wasn't dead.
  • Ward being completely Locked Out of the Loop as Jemma and Coulson openly discuss the Framework with Radcliffe. By the time they start talking about Agnes, he's at his wits' end.
    Ward: Okay, what the hell is he talking about?!
    Coulson: To be honest, he lost me there, too.
    • And later, when Radcliffe realizes that Aida sabotaged Jemma's escape route:
      Radcliffe: Oh no, she already knows you're here!
      Ward: [completely fed up] Who!? Who is she!?
  • In an otherwise heartwarming conversation between him and Jemma, Coulson still has time to tell her that he makes his own soap now. Even funnier that how sincere he really sounds about it. Simmons, confused and not really understand what he's talking about, comments that it's quaint and hipster.

    No Regrets 
  • Simmons tells Mace about the real world, including his slogan "a team that trusts is a team that triumphs". He thinks it sounds cheesy, and he actually cringes when Simmons mentions he had t-shirts and coffee mugs made.
  • Coulson mentions that every time he looks at Ward, he gets a weird itch, "like hives."
    Coulson: Were we friends in the real world? Did something happen?
    Simmons: Well, you crushed his chest with your cybernetic arm and left him to die on an alien planet. So, no.
  • Hyde's serum comes up again, this time used by HYDRA. It still has the gorilla testosterone and the drop of peppermint.
  • When Madame Hydra interrogates Daisy in her cell, she explains she didn't make the Framework the way it is:
    Madame Hydra: All I did was fix one thing in everyone's life. A regret. The subsequent world is simply a consequence of your actions. Algorithms, running their natural course, as Dr. Radcliffe always intended.
    Dr. Radcliffe: [through the wall] THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT, YOU SADISTIC WITCH!
    Madame Hydra: [rolls her eyes, bored] Guard.
    Dr. Radcliffe: [screams as a guard shocks him]
  • Coulson is given a fake ID so he can be the bus driver.
    Coulson: Jamie Flugelman?
    Mace: Well, it's the only one he could clear from HYDRA's database.
    • When he presents it to the guard at the facility, Coulson claims it's Canadian.
  • While mentioning things that are only real in the Framework, Coulson still believes HYDRA's mind-controlling blue soap is a real thing.

    All the Madame's Men 
  • When Bakshi's studio is captured by S.H.I.E.L.D., a tied up Bakshi refuses to help S.H.I.E.L.D., saying he would die before he slanders HYDRA. Daisy merely quakes him back a few feet, and he instantly agrees to help. Even in a Villain World where HYDRA reigns supreme, Sunil Bakshi is still a villainous Butt-Monkey. There are some laws of nature that even the Darkhold can't defy.
  • After a heartfelt conversation with Daisy, Ward asks: after she is gone, will he get his Skye back? Daisy, almost on the verge of tears, admits that she doesn't know what will happen after she leaves... although she does belatedly realize that Skye is still HYDRA.
    Ward: Well, every relationship has its ups and downs.
  • After Jemma tells Tripp about the real world, he actually believes her. Why? It's too crazy to be made up.
  • Daisy and May are walking along a sidewalk, and Daisy grumbles:
    Daisy: Still feeling the aftereffects of the Terrigen. It's like a hangover made of bees.
  • When Daisy and May are on the run, they're unaware yet that Bakshi has told the public to be on the alert for them. A white woman across the street sees them, has a frightened reaction and runs away.
    May: You see that look?
    Daisy: Maybe she's just racist?
  • Might be unintentional, but Alistair glances away when his son kisses Ophelia, making it seemed look like he's uncomfortable being in the same room with a pair of young lovers, even if he's their Shipper on Deck.

    Farewell, Cruel World! 
  • When Daisy tries to convince Mack to stay back at S.H.I.E.L.D. to take part in a "mission" to take out Madame Hydra for good (actually get him to the backdoor out of the Framework), Hope excitedly chimes in to let him go, citing Daisy's Damsel out of Distress moment after Mack turned her in. Gosh Darn It to Heck! and a Hurricane of Euphemisms ensues before Mack acquiesces.
  • Radcliffe musing that Aida would be quite "the terrible teenage daughter" for constantly loop-holing her protocols.
  • When Coulson tells May about the real world, she's understandably skeptical, thinking he's crazy. Coulson admits that for a while, he thought he was crazy, and crafted soap just to stay sane. But then he met Daisy, and started to believe again. What does May take from the speech?
    May: Did you say "crafted soap"?
    Coulson: Look, forget about that.
    • Then, Daisy grills Coulson for revealing the existence of the real world to May.
      Daisy: You told her?
      Coulson: [defensively] It came up in conversation.
      Daisy: How does the existence of an alternate reality come up in casual conversation?
      Coulson: I'd like to think it was because we were bonding, but I really don't want to speak for her...
      Daisy: You're really not helping.
  • After learning about the real world, Mack calls Daisy a liar, and Coulson a fool for believing that she's Moses taking them to the Promised Land. This gives Daisy the idea to quake the molten pool and open the back door, essentially parting the Red Sea.
  • A bit of Black Comedy, but Coulson's reaction to bleeding to death after being shot is to tell May that "This feels oddly familiar". Even suffering from amnesia, Coulson is still bringing up the fact that Loki killed him.
  • When Coulson and May wake up in the real world, Coulson looks for a weapon to kill Aida's body but can only find a tiny surgical scalpel.
    Coulson: [to Mack's body] At least you had a shotgun-axe.
  • Trip asks Daisy to tell him about the real world. In particular, whether or not he dated any of the women on Team Coulson. After she tells him he didn't, he wonders why the hell anyone would ever want to go back to such a horrible world.
  • When May emerges from the Framework, we get this exchange:
    Coulson: I'm amazed you went through. I was a little squirrely on the other side.
    May: It was kinda cute.

    The Return 
  • Ivanov casually reading the Darkhold, and remarking with surprise that it actually contains a few funny passages.
  • Coulson's reaction to learning that Aida/Ophelia can teleport? Exasperation:
    Coulson: No. No, no, no! She has Inhuman powers now?! [looks up] Can we get a break, please?! Can we get one break?!
    • Even better is at the end of the episode, when Ghost Rider returns. Coulson finally got his break, just not from God, but from Hell.
  • Anton Ivanov finally comes face to face with Phil Coulson and Melinda May for the first time since they caused his old unit to die... and May has no idea who he is, just like Coulson didn't earlier in the season. Coulson, knowing May's preference for Cutting the Knot, just gives the information that May cares about:
    May: Who the hell is this guy?
    Coulson: Well, you missed a fair amount, May, but the quick version is: you can go ahead and shoot him.
    May: [fires]
  • Since she's been out of the picture for more than half the season, May asks Coulson what happened while she was in the Framework. Coulson pointedly tries to avoid the more... awkward details:
    May: Robots? Is that a common occurrence now?
    • May is more than a bit annoyed to realize Coulson never really figured out she had been replaced by an android.
      May: You must have spotted the decoy right away.
      Coulson: Yeah, because you're never robotic at all.
      May: Oh, really? How long did it take for you to figure it out?
      Coulson: [doesn't answer]
      May: Wow... I'm hurt, Phil. I guess we're not as close as I thought.
      Coulson: [winces]
    • Coulson's "deer in the headlights" expression when May asks him if anything weird happened with her LMD.
      May: [squinting in confusion] Did... something weird happen with my robot self?
      Coulson: [shutting the hell up]
      May: [suspicious] Did I make a move on you?
      Coulson: [still shutting the hell up]
      May: [seriously concerned] Phil... Did I try to... kill you?
      Coulson: Kill me? Yup. That's what happened. You tried. It was messed up.
    • There is May asking for updates on what happened with her LMD, and Coulson is pointedly avoiding mentioning the kiss with the LMD. One gets the feeling he understands FitzSimmons a little better now.
      May: What finally tipped it?
      Coulson: A... series of events.
      May: Didn't get messy between us, did it?
      Coulson: "Messy"? That's a relative term, wouldn't you say?
    • The one thing Coulson isn't on the defensive about is updating May on what happened with Robbie Reyes and Eli Morrow. Coulson explains that Eli tried to become a god and wipe out Los Angeles with a nuclear bomb, so Robbie dragged his uncle to Hell along with the bomb.
      May: ... so things ended well then.
      Coulson: As well as can be expected, yeah.
      May: Man, what a run. After this is over, we're definitely opening that bottle of Haig.
      Coulson: ... yeah, totally.
    • After hearing about the above and realizing how bad the current situation is, May's remark about how she should have stayed at the spa is also worth a chuckle.
    • But the thing May is most pissed to hear about after coming out of the Framework? Coulson drank that bottle of Haig they were saving.
      May: WHAT?! You piece of sh[explosion cuts her off]
  • The Zephyr One is still under attack from the Watchdogs fighter, and Davis is utterly sick of everyone's backseat driving:
    Davis: I swear, one more word from you, and I will drop the controls to kick your ass.
  • Aida goes to Ivanov to tell him to back off, saying she regrets putting everyone in danger and all the pain she's caused.
    Ivanov: Congratulations. You're as close to human as you'll ever to get. Suffering from the one thing that you kept trying to remove — regret. [beat] Do you understand irony yet? 'Cause this is a good example!
  • Aida/Ophelia's initial reaction to Fitz telling her he's only in love with Jemma, though it turns terrifying quickly.
    Aida: There's only room in your heart for—
    Fitz: For her.
    Aida: [pause] What?
    Fitz: Wha... the—
    Aida: What do you mean her?
    Fitz: Listen...
    Aida: What about me?
    Fitz: Yeah, no, I- In- I mean, in- in- in the Framework you- you were my whole world, but—
    Aida: But? But what Leopold?!
    Fitz: Well, I just- I only mean that- Jemma...
    Aida: NOOOOO!!!
    • It's also a nice Call-Back to Radcliffe's remark about how she became "a terrible teenage daughter." Her breakdown looks exactly like a spoiled (and superpowered) teenage girl who doesn't get what she wants.
  • Talbot gives us this line:
    Talbot: You assume each and every one of them's a damn C-3PO unless you hear otherwise from me.
  • During the standoff with Talbot and the Army, Talbot asks if Coulson can explain how the Playground exploded, leaving 12 agents with critical injuries and robot bodies with artificial flesh dripping off them, along with Jeffrey Mace's corpse looking like it was "quaked apart" after being fished out of the ocean.
    Talbot: Can you explain that?
    Coulson: ... I can try.
    • Even better, when we cut back to them, it quickly becomes apparent that Coulson DID try, and Talbot is trying to make sense of all of this.
      Coulson: ... and then the base under the oil rig fell into the sea.
      Talbot: You expect me to believe a word of that?
  • Ivanov being vaguely amused by the horrific sight of angry, drunk AIDA/Ophelia pretending to seduce one of his duplicates before beating the ever loving shit out of it. It's terrifying but Ivanov's face sells it.
    • It's darkly funny seeing heartbroken AIDA/Ophelia drowning her sorrows, possibly for the first time ever in her life as a living being. Especially seeing her first take a shot of vodka, then chug it straight from the bottle.
  • There is something oddly funny about Ghost Rider walking out of the interdimensional gate and dramatically wrapping the Hellfire chain around him... then he just tilts his head to get a kink out of his neck, and walks off to find Team Coulson so they can give him an update on what he missed while he was gone. As if returning from Hell was nothing more inconvenient than a long bus trip.

    World's End 
  • May's still upset about that bottle of Haig, to the point that she nags Coulson about it during a mission where Aida could just teleport in and kill them both.
    • Coulson then adds that they'll have to get another bottle to drink while he explains what happened to that bottle.
    • And then May figures out what happened to that bottle.
      May: This is a terrible plan.
      Coulson: Y'know, Robot May was way more supportive.
      May: ...Is she what happened to the Haig?!
  • The entire team eating at a diner while they're wanted fugitives.
  • When Talbot demands to know what killed his men at the Playground, Coulson describes Aida as "a vanishing banshee made of matter from another dimension".
  • How does Daisy help out Elena in the Framework? By having Yo-Yos appear all around Radcliffe clueing him in. He feels like Pac-Man by the time he gets to her.
  • When Daisy and Aida meet up again, Aida has this whole speech about what she was thinking of doing when she saw her again, culminating in Aida planning to have Daisy fight her LMD and 'kill herself'. Daisy's response?
    Daisy: Aida. Seriously, therapy, just consider it.
  • After Robbie and Daisy take down several LMD mooks, Ivanov lands another throwing knife in her arm.
    Daisy: Really? You? Again?
    Ivanov: You don't understand, do you. Even if you defeat this body, I will build more. You cannot stop me.
    Daisy: Never say "you can't stop me," because the minute you do...[Ghost Rider wraps a chain around Ivanov's middle] Well yeah, that. [the Rider yanks Ivanov into the air, where Daisy quakes him apart]
  • Coulson goes full fanboy at the prospect of a Daisy/Ghost Rider teamup... that he didn't get to see.
    Coulson: [arriving two seconds too late, sounding extremely disappointed] I missed it, didn't I? You two together and we missed it! Damn!
  • Simmons shoots Aida despite knowing she has a Healing Factor:
    Aida: Your weapon can't kill me.
    Simmons: I know. I just really wanted to do that.
  • Ivanov and LMD-Mishkin (who is likely controlled by Ivanov's head as well) speaking in unison as they get ready for the S.H.I.E.L.D. inquiry.
    Both: We look fantastic!
    • It gets funnier (and creepier) for those who know about Tara the "I Feel Fantastic" Android from YouTube.

Season Five

    Orientation, Part 1 
  • While the rest of the extraction team is securing Team Coulson, two soldiers wait outside, securing the perimeter. One makes small talk, saying that his wife thinks he's at a friend's house making his fantasy league. He finds it amusing that she doesn't even question that it's the middle of the season. Meanwhile, the other soldier just remains completely quiet.
    • This doubles as a meta joke considering the unusually late start to Season 5.
  • When Coulson introdues himself to the people on the station, Vergil introduces himself as part of the welcoming party, greets Coulson with no small amount of reverence, and easily begins answering his questions. Cue Mack coming in and slugging the guy out, as he thought Virgil was threatening Coulson.
    • After he wakes up, Vergil again tries to explain what is going on. Then he's suddenly killed by a Vrellnexian. Coulson notes that he's having trouble getting the man to finish his sentences.
  • Yo-Yo is transported onto the space station, when someone wearing a breathing mask grabs her shoulder. So she starts to fight, but it turns out it's Jemma, who thought the air was contaminated when she saw the dead bodies. Also, Jemma is surprisingly okay with the dead bodies.
  • Virgil is apparently a fanboy of the team, knowing that Alphonso Mackenzie is called "Mack", reassuring Jemma that the absent Fitz is thinking about her, and even asking if he can call Elena "Yo-Yo", but she's too creeped out by it. One gets the feeling that Coulson now knows how Captain America felt in The Avengers.
  • When Mack learns that they're in space, he initially takes it in stride, noting that it's the only thing they haven't done yet. However, as he realizes that he's in space after being a prisoner in the Framework, he declares that he's quitting after all this is over. Coulson points out that he already did.
  • Elena is surprised to learn that S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't already have a secret space division, as she had always assumed that they had people on the moon. Yeah, Elena... about that people on the moon thing...
  • Mack gets on Coulson for wearing a prosthetic hand without any special gadgets.
    Mack: It’s just a prosthetic without all the cool doodads. I mean, it should’ve been a hook! At least you can stab things with a hook!
    Coulson: I thought I was gonna be arrested!
    Yo-Yo: So, wait. That one doesn’t have the blowtorch or the laser gun or anything?
    Coulson: First of all, I’m not Inspector Gadget! And second of all, the authorities would’ve confiscated it! Prison’s bad enough without being down an appendage!
  • Elena theorizes that they're back in the Framework. Everyone immediately groans, because they can't just keep second-guessing their reality every time something strange happens.
  • Mack is Genre Savvy as ever and immediately stops the team from splitting up. "That's exactly what they say right before they start getting picked off one by one. And you know who's gonna be first." This leads to them all slowly and awkwardly moving down the hall behind Daisy in battle-ready positions looking like the "Scooby Gang" in a haunted house, while Coulson sarcastically says it's the coolest they've ever looked.
  • Mack calling the Kree 'Papa Smurf'. Making it funnier, he does it in Spanish.
  • Mack's expression and response when Coulson asks him how hard he punished the perceived threat, i.e. Virgil, "As hard as I could! That's what you do when you hit someone." Then he walks off into the background muttering about how he doesn't throw "half-punches".

    Orientation, Part 2 

    A Life Spent 

  • Daisy does a Ceiling Cling to avoid two Kree guards in an elevator... but it only lasts a few seconds before she slips and they notice her.
    Daisy: I really thought that would work.
  • Yo-Yo uses her power to mess with Grill's sensors until he's eventually lured to her thinking her marker is malfunctioning.
  • After Mack takes out Zev on the trawler, he gets exasperated that he had to step in, saying that the others all pinned to the wall by their Metrics were "flailing around like Hungry Hungry Hippos". Coulson's reaction sells the whole scene, saying that he thought they looked cooler than that and looking genuinely put out by Mack's comparison.

    A Life Earned 
  • While exploring the lab, May walks over and punches Deke. When asking what she did that, May reveals to Coulson that Daisy has been a prisoner of the Kree since yesterday, and they realize that Deke betrayed Daisy.
    Deke: Okay, well, this is probably the part where I should explain.
    Coulson: No, this is the part where May breaks your face. Explaining? Kind of secondary.
    May: [ominously cracks her knuckles]
    • After fighting off a pair of guards, during which Deke gets a stab wound, Coulson patches him up and asks if he's feeling okay. Once Deke confirms that he'll be okay, Coulson punches him in the face.
      Deke: I really need you people to stop doing that!


  • Fitz posted angry football rants in a magazine to get Hunter's attention. The army couldn't find any secret messages because there wasn't one—Fitz just knew Hunter would recognize his ranting. When Hunter shows up to save Fitz, they spend a few minutes arguing about football before working on their escape.
  • Fitz tells Hunter he has an escape plan: Hunter will visit him three times a week for a month, smuggling in items that can be assembled into a device that Fitz can use to break out. Hunter carefully tells Fitz to move over a few meters, and then the wall explodes.
    Hunter: Your coded message didn't have an escape plan, so I had to come up with one on my own. Come on!
  • Hunter tells Fitz that he has his friend Rusty flying a helicopter—he's the best pilot money can buy. Rusty promptly crashes the helicopter while performing a routine maneuver, and Hunter admits he was just the best pilot his money could buy.
    • Possibly a reference to how his Most Wanted series pilot failed to air.
  • While they were driving away, Fitz filled in Hunter on everything Team Coulson went through since he and Bobbi left, including the misadventures with the Darkhold that happened in Season 4. Unlike the rest of Team Coulson, he doesn't spend time trying to rationalize Ghost Rider, and instead focuses on AIDA.
    Hunter: Just his head lit on fire? Nothing else?
    Fitz: Um, no.
    Hunter: That's the strangest thing I've ever heard. Except for the sexy robot you made that became human and wanted you to stick the old floppy in her love drive.
  • Hunter says that since they left S.H.I.E.L.D., he and Bobbi almost got remarried, but the wedding was interrupted. By Ninjas. Hilarious enough, but since this is the MCU, one has to wonder if the ninjas were members of the Hand, and what it was that Hunter did to piss them off so much.
  • When Fitz and Hunter finally track down Enoch, they sneak up on him when he's getting a drink from his fridge. Without turning around, Enoch says that he's been expecting them, causing Hunter to get upset because they're supposed to surprise him, even demanding Enoch to "act surprised".
  • After Enoch informs Fitz he has to go back to the prison he was being held at, Fitz seems like he's about to ask something like, "What the Hell?" Instead, he just goes along with it, since he wants to do whatever he can to get Jemma and the rest of his team back. Enoch's expression afterward is pretty funny. Just a confused, "Wow, that was easy", sort of look.
  • When sneaking back onto the base, Fitz and Hunter take out two large, long metal boxes, and Fitz warns that they are volatile, liable to take off a hand if they're not careful. What's in the boxes? Ferrets that will run around the base and set off alarms.
    Hunter: Release the ferrets!
  • The confused look on Hunter's face as he sees Fitz take down an entire squad of soldiers with nothing but a pair of ICERs.
  • As Fitz is about to go into cryostasis, Hunter says the only thing that can be said at that point:
    Hunter: I love you.
    Fitz: I know.

    Fun and Games 
  • Enoch discussing the backstory he came up with for Fitz, saying how it was fun forming it. As if it's some sort of scholarly diversion instead of a life-or-death cover story.
    • While Enoch is describing the brooch that Fitz is wearing to symbolize his kill count, Fitz is wiping some dirt off the gemstones. Enoch then explains that they aren't gemstones, they're larva. Fitz immediately stops shining the brooch and wipes his hand on Enoch's sleeve.
    • When Fitz first sees Jemma, he is briefly left speechless, and Enoch offers to broker an introduction. Fitz asks why he would need someone to introduce him to his One True Love, and Enoch says that it's "Marauder protocol". Fitz looks like he's about lost his patience with Enoch.
  • When he manages to sneak up to Jemma when no one is looking, Fitz gives a romantic, heartfelt speech about how their love is stronger than whatever curse the universe is throwing at them, topped off by a proposal... and Jemma doesn't react, because Kasius has disabled her hearing. The scene is a "laugh or you'll cry" moment as it's the epitome of FitzSimmons horrible romantic luck.
    • At the end of the episode, once they've escaped, Jemma proposes to Fitz, who readily accepts. As they leave, Fitz tries to explain that he tried to propose when her hearing was disabled, and Jemma responds with "Of course you did" as though reassuring his ego.
    • While they're leaving, FitzSimmons have to help carry out a semi-conscious Daisy (their most prominent Shipper on Deck), who can't celebrate the good news.note 
  • When trying to get May and Ben's match ended without either dying, Fitz says that he came to see the Destroyer of Worlds fight, "not some ancient has-been". May gives Fitz an offended look that says "Was that really necessary?"
  • After Flint has undergone Terregenesis, he wonders why his powers haven't activated yet. Elena tells him that she didn't learn what her powers were until three weeks after eating the fish tacos, and Flint's line reveals that Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen have created a Bad Future that rivals any created by the writers of the X-Men.
    Flint: What are tacos?
    Coulson: [scoffs]
    Mack: [sounding horrified] What the hell kind of future is this?!
  • Diasy and Jemma get a moment to discuss Fitz's sudden appearance and apparent Took a Level in Badass
    Daisy: How is Fitz even here?
    Jemma: I don't know! He just showed up out of nowhere with his own space ship.
    Daisy: It's a baller move. Not to mention the whole Bounty Hunter look he's rocking.
    Jemma: I still prefer him in cardigans.
  • When Daisy and Jemma are discussing what to do to help Fitz, Jemma pulls out a butter knife that she managed to swipe.
    Jemma: I have a knife.
    Daisy: ... we can do better.
    Jemma: [defensively] Well, there was limited cutlery to choose from.
    Daisy: No, with our plan.
  • After defeating Sinara, Fitz shoots a guest and Jemma slashes Kasius' throat, allowing Fitz to deactivate the energy shield protecting the guests. Daisy quakes herself to their level, raises her hands for an asskicking... and Faulnak hits her inhibitor, causing her to fall to the floor. Talk about Anti-Climax.
  • After FitzSimmons dramatic escape, Sinara begins to regain consciousness, only for Fitz to ICE her as an afterthought.
  • Enoch in The Stinger, disguised as a Kree, passing a Kree guard and heading toward the surface.
    Enoch: Hello, friend.
    Guard: Who are you?
    Enoch: I am a Kree, as I have always been, brother.

    Together or Not at All 
  • In the beginning of the episode, Daisy calls out Fitz on his whole "fight to the death" suggestion.
    Daisy: By the way, "fight to the death"? Really?
    Fitz: Yeah, well, I had to make a splashy entrance.
    Daisy: Yeah, well, you could have jumped into the octagon yourself, then.
    Fitz: Well, wouldn't be fair. I do push-ups now. Double digits.
  • Fitz and Simmons are ambivalent towards Deke when he first shows up and are more focused on Fitz's injury and getting out. Then Daisy reveals that he was the one who sold her out to Kasius.
    Simmons: Oh, kill him, he's a snake.
    Fitz: I'm going to cut his throat—[stands up, aggravating his wound] open!
  • The rest of the team finds out about Fitz's arrival, and since he needs to get a bullet out of his gut, Simmons says that story can wait until later. Mack replies "Not when it involves time travel!"
  • After Flint uses his rock manipulating abilities to barricade the door, Coulson says that will buy the team some time. Cue Maston-Dar using a weapon to begin punching holes in a wall to plant grenades in. Coulson then revises his assessment.
    • As this is going on, Mack chews Flint out for exposing himself to the Kree, and Flint argues that he had to prevent any further deaths like Tess, saying that the Kree are after him. Daisy then pipes in that the Kree are also after her, as does Jemma, when Elena speaks her mind.
      Mack: This isn't your problem to fix.
      Flint: It is my problem! They're after me!
      Daisy: And me.
      Jemma: And me.
      Elena: I don't think they're gonna be picky about who they kill!
    • As Maston-Dar continues to punch holes in the wall, Team Coulson tries to figure out what to do.
      Coulson: Come on. A room full of secret agents, scientists, and superheroes. Someone give me something.
      Elena: We stand our ground and fight.
      Fitz: With what? Rocks and rubbish?
      Flint: I can fight with rocks.
    • Deke suggests going up a chute that leads near the trawler. Then is about to show how his anti-gravity device works. Just before he goes up, Coulson and Daisy give off Rapid Fire Nos and pull him out of the chute. Daisy then takes it from him and says he's going last.
    • As FitzSimmons head up the chute, they take a moment to remind everyone that they're Whovians:
      Fitz: Once more unto the breach.
      Jemma: Allons-y.
  • Fitz reveals he hid some weapons in a wall in the Lighthouse...which turns out to be on the level now filled with roaches, getting him a bunch of reproachful looks.
    Fitz: How was I supposed to...I feel like I'm not getting enough credit here!
  • Since no one knows how to fly the trawler, Coulson takes it upon himself to serve as pilot, reasoning that since he had a Flying Car, it shouldn't be too different. Cue the trawler being damaged mid flight and plummeting toward the surface, where upon Coulson admits that it's much more different.
    Coulson: Okay! So not exactly like a flying car!
    Deke: We are so stupid!
    Daisy: So much for smooth sailing!
    • Also, what directly preceded the loss of control? FitzSimmons trying to share a kiss. If there is a curse, it really doesn't like to be underestimated.

    The Last Day 

  • Mack reuniting with his true love, the shotgun-axe. Flint questions the practicality of the almighty shotgun-axe, but Mack isn't having any of it.
    Mack: Helloooo, gorgeous.
    Flint: I don't get it. Doesn't the axe make it harder to shoot?
    Mack: [defensively] Makes it easier to chop heads off!
    • And then Flint is converted to the path of righteousness once he sees Mack doing just that.
      Flint: Shotgun-axe. I get it now.
  • Flint is staring in awe after Elena has just killed a half-dozen roaches in under a second. Mack tells him to dial it back.
  • Mack dubs Flint "Pebbles" during this episode. This means that the human race was spared the ultimate fate of being roach food by the Super Team composed of Turtle Man, Yo-Yo and Pebbles.
  • Daisy tells Deke that her relationship with her father "had a rocky start, but it worked out."
  • When Enoch unhelpfully boasts that patience is Chronicom's greatest tool, Coulson and May are less than impressed. Coulson points out that he and May have limited lifespan, not only because they are humans but also because of the pressing issues with the Kree.

    Best Laid Plans 
  • The show acknowledges that the explanation for how Flint could put the Monolith back together could only ever be so much technobabble, as Coulson starts to explain but then gives up and says it's because his power involves rocks. Even better it sounds like FitzSimmons knows and explained it but Coulson had no way of repeating it in a way that makes sense.
    Enoch: This Inhuman boy, Flint. You say his geokinesis is the key to constructing a new monolith for your returning home?
    Coulson: Technically, Robin said it to May, but yeah, that's the idea.
    Enoch: And how exactly will that work?
    Coulson: We have a Monolith shard. FitzSimmons says that it has a unique crystalline structure that he can... [sighs] it's a rock. Flint controls rocks. I don't know.
  • After finding out that May was Robin's adoptive mother in the original timeline, Daisy makes a crack about how May would be a strict, hard-ass mom. May is not amused. Daisy then adds that her reaction proves the point.
    • Later on, Coulson asks May with all seriousness if she can pilot the Zephyr in a gravity storm, and her look is priceless. Daisy pointedly calls it another "mom face".
  • Enoch is once again The Comically Serious, making several references to his own Bizarre Alien Biology:
    • May calls him "Metal Man", causing him to retort that he is technically made of plastic. May then calls him "Plastic" and tells him to make himself useful.
      Enoch: Plastic is quite useful, if often unappreciated.
    • And when the Zephyr is trying to take off in the middle of a powerful gravity storm:
  • Deke pulls an impressive Big Damn Heroes moment when he shows up to help Daisy fight Sinara and then immediately realizes how outclassed he is when he has to face a highly-trained Kree assassin in hand-to-hand combat. For starters, he just about breaks his hand trying to punch her in the face.
    Deke: Okay, okay! That is quite a jaw you have! Consider me impressed! [is promptly laid out by Sinara]
  • Deke's utter lack of bedside manner in response to Coulson's head injury.
    Deke: Wow, that is definitely getting infected.

    Past Life 
  • Now that Deke has a weapon for the first time in his life, he says that only good people should be trusted with them.
    Deke: Guns, man, it's like cheating! You shouldn't give these to anyone who's not a really, really good person!
    May: Yeah, there ought to be a law.
    • Later, when he rescues Enoch by killing a Kree:
      Deke: [admiring the handgun] Where has this been all my life, right?
      Enoch: Level 3. Hidden in a wall cavity.
      Deke: Yeah, now you tell me.

    All the Comforts of Home 
  • Patrick Warburton as General Rick Stoner, a 1970s S.H.I.E.L.D. agent acting as a tour guide for the Lighthouse.
    "You'll think the 1980s came early!"
  • Deke experiencing the present:
    • Upon realizing that he's in the past before the world was quaked apart, the first thing Deke does is hug a tree. It's incredibly heartwarming to the audience watching... but very weird for the lady walking her dog, who assumes he's high.
    • Deke walks into a bar and tries a real beer. Then he realizes that beer tastes terrible, and asks the bartender if he has something with alcohol that tastes delicious. The bartender gives him a Zima. Cue a montage of Deke drinking Zima, eating a hamburger, and getting so drunk he passes out.
    • Since Deke doesn't have any money to pay for all the food and Zima he got, and his future Metric obviously doesn't work, he's arrested. Daisy is forced to go and bail him out, posing as a social worker who is assigned to oversee Deke on a day trip. While explaining his issues to the police, Daisy has some revenge on Deke for selling her to Kasius, claiming that he has low IQ, poor motor skills, etc.
      • And the alias Daisy uses? "Sinara Smith". Deke chuckles under his breath.
    • After returning to the present Lighthouse, Deke sees the computers, and when Daisy starts to explain, Deke defensively says he knows what computers are... then sheepishly asks if those are computers.
  • Team Coulson is forced to steal a van to get to where Fitz and Hunter stashed the Zephyr One outside of town. And Elena knows her man well enough to know that Mack will insist on returning it afterwards.
    Elena: Here comes the catch.
    Mack: But there's a catch.
    May: Really? We're spies.
    Jemma: I think it's quite admirable.
    • When the team leaves the van, there is a little handwritten sign on the dashboard that reads, "Return to John Nickel," the man the van belongs to.
  • While driving through town, Team Coulson say that driving an uncomfortable van is not as bad as some of the situations they've been in.
    Jemma: We could be enslaved by an alien sociopath in a dystopian future.
    Mack: Or trapped in a virtual-reality fascist state.
    Elena: Or fighting a crazy robot lady.
    Fitz: Or stuck in the bottom of the ocean.
    Jemma: Or falling out of a plane.
    Mack: Or fighting Daisy's mom.
    Coulson: Or fighting Daisy's dad.
    May: Or dancing.
    • Just the disgusted way May says "dancing" is hilarious.
  • Shortly after returning to the correct time, May and Fitz meet Noah, another Chronicom and colleague of Enoch who is observing Earth for potential extinction events. Fitz and May are able to predict his speech based on how Enoch talked.
    • While explaining the potential threats bearing observation, Noah says that S.H.I.E.L.D. is mentioned frequently. May says that they "have a small but active fanbase".
    • Daisy sets up a security alert to check on any flags of the team getting sighted. Noah realizes she's using his keyboard, which does not bother him.
    • When Daisy says that Noah needs to go and bail Deke out of jail, Noah says that it would be interfering in the course of human development. When Daisy points out that they kidnapped them, Noah says that was Enoch, who is "quite reckless".
    • When Daisy and Deke return, Noah introduces himself to Deke by saying he disagreed with bailing Deke out.
  • On a rewatch, knowing that Ruby, the Phoneaholic Teenager with a penchant for skipping class who was introduced at the opening of the episode, is actually a trained assassin hellbent on killing Daisy is darkly funny. Dove Cameron's performance really helps sell the disconnect between these two aspects of the character.

     The Real Deal 
  • In the opening, Fitz reveals that the rift has caused a forest to appear on Level 27. When Team Coulson learn that the rift is linked to a "fear dimension" where someone's deepest fears can manifest, everyone is confused about how a beautiful forest by a lake would be scary. Then Deke describes the horrors of little creepy crawlies in wide open spaces getting into someone. Despite hugging a tree in "All the Comforts of Home", Deke is agoraphobic.
  • Fitz mentions that someone might have to sacrifice themselves to seal the rift, and then he immediately turns to Deke. Deke then rants about how he already "did the heroic sacrifice thing" to get the team back to the present. Fitz then mentions he just wanted Deke's belt buckle.
  • With help from Mike Peterson, Coulson is able to use the device to contain the rift... and the blowback of sealing it causes Coulson to land in Mike's lap.
    Coulson: You're uh... you're real, right? Please tell me you're real.
    Mike: Would that make this any less awkward?
    Coulson: Yes.
    Mike: Good.
  • Since Deke isn't in any government database, Coulson sends him out to get some things. While the primary part of the mission was contacting Mike Peterson and any other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents he could find, his other job was collecting odds and ends for the FitzSimmons wedding.
    • Among the things he was sent to get, Deke was sent to buy a bottle of Haig so that May and Coulson could finally have a drink. Unfortunately, he couldn't find any, but found something better: Zima.
    • While riding down the elevator, Fitz says that they got incredibly lucky that they got exactly who they needed at the end. While he was obviously refering to Mike Peterson, Deke assumes that it was him manning up to go into a meadow to wait for the Quinjet carrying Mike, Davis, and the other agents. Coulson and Fitz just share a look and agree to let Deke get it out of his system before telling him who they were talking about.
  • The entire FitzSimmons wedding is filled with both heartwarming and hilarity:
    • Coulson officiating is just utterly meta with regards to Lampshading their status as Star-Crossed Lovers, saying that any potential delays would be "playing with fire".
    • In a Call-Back to Jemma's need for preparation, she wrote down her vows.
    • Deke and Mike making awkward small talk at the wedding:
      Deke: So, you full cyborg? Or...?
      Mike: Yeah.
      Deke: Cool.
    • While talking with Mike, Deke explains that he got the rings, and it was a little hard to find one for Fitz with his "little boy fingers". He also picked out Jemma's ring because it reminded him of a ring his mother used to wear, which supposedly belonged to her mother. Which is because Deke's mom was FitzSimmons daughter.
    • In a deleted scene from the episode (starts at 4:40) Koenig (or a Koenig) delivers an encrypted video message to the agents, mainly to congratulate FitzSimmons on their wedding.

  • In an effort to track down Gravitonium to seal the rift to the Fear Dimension, Team Coulson discover that all the scientists who worked under Ian Quinn are dead, but their death certificates were all signed by the same doctor: Murray Jacobson, who also has a number of aliases. Tracking him down, Team Coulson get into a Mexican Standoff with Jacobson... until Mack recognizes him as Tony Caine, his old friend from the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. One tense situation easily resolved.
    • When they first see each other, Mack refers to Tony as "Candy Man", his nickname due to his ability to get anyone anything at the Academy. Mack's own nickname was "Mack Hammer", as he made the mistake of revealing that he was a huge fan of MC Hammer in high school. Mack declares that this is to never leave the Zephyr One.
    • Since they're looking at the Academy's photographs, Daisy looks up Mack's class photo. Even May says she "can't unsee it".
    • Once S.H.I.E.L.D. finds the Principia floating in the air, Tony stares in absolute awe. However, this barely even fazes Team Coulson.
    • When Mack is trying to secure the Gravitonium, Coulson gives a "can't touch this" joke.
      Coulson: Hey, Mack Hammer. Can't touch this.
      Mack: Now is not the time.
      Coulson: Sorry. Couldn't resist.
  • May is not happy to have been left on the Zephyr One while Coulson, Daisy, and Mack head over to the Principia. Coulson says that he wants May on the Zephyr in the event of a high altitude rescue, as he doesn't trust Davis is a skilled enough pilot to pull it off. Davis, who is on the comms, tells Coulson that he can hear them... and he agrees with Coulson's assessment.
  • Deke looks upon a picture of the ocean in absolute awe, and when learning that the region they're looking at is five miles deep, he asks what it's like. Unfortunately, he asked FitzSimmons, who have less than ideal experiences regarding the subject.
  • While going through the supplies of the Lighthouse, Deke discovers a new joy of the present day: Twinkies.
    Deke: I need to meet the chef who made this.
  • Now that they're married, Jemma suggests that she and Fitz should hyphenate their last names. Fitz jokes that "Simmons-Fitz" would just "roll off the tongue".
  • Mack is trying to take Fitz's recently vacated throne of "World's Best Boyfriend" by getting Elena two things: a beer, and one of General Hale's Sleeper Mechs so that Fitz can use the components to fashion a new pair of cybernetic arms for Elena. You know a guy is a keeper when he'll bring you the bodies of his kills.
    • When Mack first tells her to guess what he brought, Elena's response is "I'm stumped". She's reached the point where she can joke about losing her arms now.

     The Devil Complex 
  • The Fear Dimension summons the astronaut waaay back from Maveth... then cut to FitzSimmons reminiscing about their days at the academy after Fitz loudly moans about being hungry for "proper British junk food."
  • Deke and Jemma has a touching heart-to-heart where he reveals that he is her grandson. Immediately after Jemma makes this connection, she turns and vomits. Poor Deke.

    Rise and Shine 
  • Coulson being held prisoner by General Hale is worth a few laughs.
    • When Coulson has the bag over his head taken off, he tells Hale that of all the bags that have been put over his head, that was one of the more comfortable ones.
    • When Coulson wakes up, he goes to the cafeteria like Werner and Talbot did, but says that the place is a C-. Then he sees a box of "Oops! All Berries", and bumps it up to a C+.
    • When Ruby comes in and ignores Coulson like she did with Strucker and Talbot, Coulson says that Hale can come and talk to him when she's done playing games. When Hale comes to talk to him in his room, Coulson asks if Ruby is the one who cut off Elena's arms.
      Hale: She's my daughter.
      Coulson: Gotta say, you're making a poor case for homeschooling.
    • Hale mentions the long-dead Daniel Whitehall, and Coulson's response is hilariously petty.
      Coulson: Yeah, and I buried him, so...go team.
    • Also, Ruby's surprised reaction when Coulson just walks off after she ignores him. It's like she's thinking "Wait, what just happened?"
  • After reviewing their intelligence on Hale and concluding she is HYDRA, Daisy makes a "Hale/Hail HYDRA" pun. Even she looks disgusted, and May can't help but cracks a smile.
  • Jemma reveals to Fitz that Deke is their grandson... and Fitz responds with "But he's the worst!"
    Jemma: I think he's perfect. Plus his existence proves that you and I make it to the Lighthouse and live long enough to raise a daughter! Do you see what this means?
    Fitz: Yeah, I means our daughter is obviously going to marry some belligerent space goon if she's going to give birth to a 'Deke'!
    • Fitz' face when he says his name. His appalled and aghast expressions after he finds out are priceless.
  • Talbot is back. And he's as hilarious as ever:
    • Talbot finds a box of Cap'n Crunch in the breakfast room, helps himself, and then playfully growls "I still outrank you" at it. Then he's trying to talk to Ruby with his mouth full of cereal.
    • While inspecting the alien device that Hale shows to him, Talbot, despite not wearing a uniform or any kind of formal clothing, insists on maintaining his cool, formality, and a sense of superiority towards Hale, with Reverse Armfold.
    • Calling HYDRA "squidbillies" is worth the price of admission alone.
    • Talbot's insults towards Hale are gold — not least because you can't be sure how much is because of his brain injury induced lack of filter, and how much is just Talbot being Talbot.
      (Referencing the octopus logo of HYDRA) "I would rather die on my two legs than slither on eight with you."
      (With reference Ruby) "Crossfit Tinkerbell's your daughter?"
      (Rejecting Hale's offer of an alliance) "You filthy calamari Mata Hari."

    Inside Voices 
  • Since Fitz and Simmons in the Lighthouse's original timeline have changed their real names, Deke only knew them as Bobo and Nana, respectively.
  • While mentioning to both Fitz-Simmons that Daisy has "become a hard-ass" since taking command, Deke apologizes to Daisy and May for being late for the departure of the Zephyr One.
    May: [after Deke walks off] Was he late?
    Daisy: I'm not even sure.
  • In trying to get Elena to help them let Fitz out, Jemma tells Elena that Deke is their grandson. Elena's reaction? Express her sympathies.
    Elena: Wow... [to Fitz] I'm so sorry.
    Fitz: Thank you.
  • Hale has taken Coulson's cot, chair, and Cap'n Crunch. Coulson considers the last one a bridge too far.
  • Coulson tells Creel that he has a choice to make. Suddenly, one of the robotic guards knocks on the door, and Creel walks offscreen. Cue a punching sound and ripping metal, and the robot's sparking head rolling into the doorway.
  • After Coulson is able to convince Creel that Talbot is a prisoner of Hale, they head off to rescue him. Once they find him, their attempts to escape are hindered by Talbot's loss of volume control. Just like in the previous episode, it's hard to tell if it's because of the brain damage or just because he's Talbot.
    Coulson: You need to use your inside voice.
    Coulson: Then you need to use your softer, quieter inside voice.
  • When they're making their escape, only to be cut off by Ruby:
    Coulson: [dragging Talbot away] If you're thinking of blonde jokes, now's not the time.
    Talbot: I've got plenty!
  • Coulson and Talbot are able to use Hale's teleportation device to escape her base. While they were teleported to a location on Earth, it was also in a frozen forest.
    Talbot: Maybe next time, you teleport us to a place with white sandy beaches and palm trees.
    Coulson: That's not really my thing anymore.
    • Before that, Coulson is just randomly inputting coordinates into the machine. Talbot points out that 70% of the Earth is water.

     The Honeymoon 
  • After Elena uses her new prosthetics to break open a locked gate, Fitz comments that getting your arms chopped off may not be such a bad thing. He then realizes how insensitive this statement is, and immediately tries a Verbal Backspace, only for Jemma to tell them they should keep going.
  • May and Coulson get into an argument about whether Daisy is ready to replace him, and the argument further extends to Coulson having resigned himself to dying. As the argument gets more heated, May finally admits that she loves Coulson... partly because she "thought that would shut you up". May then walks off while a still stunned Coulson tries to process what just happened.
  • Completely drugged out of his mind by morphine, Deke starts ranting about how much he wants to kiss Daisy, much to Piper and Mack's bemusement.
    Piper: I mean, she's not my type, but I can see it...
    • Then he goes on about how cool he thinks Mack is, and asks if he should shave his head to match. At this point, Mack ups the morphine drip to knock him out.
      Deke: Oooo, my brain is falling...
    • When Daisy walks in moments later, Mack and Piper quietly agree not to mention any of the above.
  • Even under siege, Jemma tells Fitz that this a great honeymoon. "I'm protecting England from evil robots with the man I love".
  • FitzSimmons do an epic slow-mo shootout with several mechs... then Simmons' gun jams, ruining the moment.
    Simmons: What were we thinking?!
    • Pinned down by the mechs, Simmons asks Fitz to reiterate the scientific logic behind how time can't be changed (thus proving that they won't die here) in order to calm her down, but ultimately tells him it's not working and to stop.

    All Roads Lead... 
  • Coulson tries to talk to May about her Love Confession in the previous episode, but May brushes him off by saying that they have a meeting to get to.
  • After Fitz convinces Ruby that he needs Jemma's help to repair the particle infusion chamber, Fitz-Simmons hug each other in relief. Ruby then says what everyone is thinking:
    Ruby: Aw, you two are adorable. I ship it, I really do.
  • Deke seeking Coulson and Mack's help on love advice.
    • When Deke continues heaping praise on Daisy, Mack says he loves Daisy. Deke tries to deny it, and Coulson flatly says "That was convincing. I believe him".
    • Mack then tells Coulson about Deke's drug induced Love Confession from the previous episode. Deke tries to pass it off as a drug-induced rant, but Coulson says that he had figured it out a while ago. Deke tries to dismiss it by saying that it doesn't matter, since Daisy hates him.
      Coulson: Most definitely.
      Mack: Yeah.
    • Deke then tries to ask for advice, but given Coulson and Mack's current respective issues with May and Elena, it goes no where.
      Deke: Like, you have a good thing going.
      Mack: Don't look at me. Last time I saw Yo-Yo, she lied to me, locked me up, and ran off.
      Deke: Coulson?
      Coulson: Sorry, bro. Apparently, I'm incapable of expressing my feelings or letting people take care of me.
      Deke: You guys are useless.
    • Deke then decides to leave a lemon on Daisy's bunk, which in the future is the customary method of letting someone know you've got a crush on them. Noticing that Coulson and Mack seem confused, Deke asks if that's not what people do in the present. After a beat, they tell him yes, it definitely is what people do in the present and he should definitely do that.
    • After getting an update from May and Daisy, who tell Coulson and Mack to stay in place and review Robin's drawings, Deke responds with this:
      Deke: Women, am I right?
      Mack: Shut up, Lemons.

    Option Two 
  • When the Lighthouse's systems register the Confederacy ship over it, a hologram of General Stoner brings up a menu of options to deal with the situation. Coulson decides to select Option Two: Nuclear Attack before learning that Option Three is Alien Invasion. This causes the Lighthouse to enter an automated lockdown to protect those inside from nuclear fallout. For fifteen years.
    May: Did he just say "fifteen years"?!
    Coulson: How was I supposed to know that there would be an "alien invasion" option?!
    May: You always listen to the whole menu! Always!
    • While announcing the lockdown, Coulson says that they'll be trapped inside due to a "technical malfunction" for "fifteen years...ish".
    • When Qovas demands that S.H.I.E.L.D. hands over the Gravitonium, Coulson uses the lockdown to tell Qovas that they can withstand a siege with enough air, water, and food for fifteen years.
      Agent Kim: [to May] Is that true?
      May: Not good food.
    • Finally, at the end of the episode, after Talbot uses his new Gravitonium powers to breach the Lighthouse and take Coulson to the spaceship, everyone in the control room is staring in horrified awe when the hologram of General Stoner reappears, and says that there is no harmful radiation in the atmosphere, ending with "The world is safe again".
  • While preparing to defend the lab, Davis told Piper how he managed to survive going toe-to-toe with AIDA. Piper asks if the others were as impressed, and Davis says that he thinks they didn't care.
  • As Team Coulson begin preparing to hold out in the control room, Coulson laments that his robotic hand won't be much use with the Remorath's EMP field, so Mack gives Coulson his beloved Shotgun-Axe to use instead. Coulson's reaction is one of surprised glee, as if Captain America himself just gave Coulson his shield to use.
    • Additionally, Deke tells Fitz that he will keep the Gravitonium safe, ending it with calling Fitz "Gramps". Fitz says that if they get through this, no matter what else happens... Deke is to never refer to Fitz as "Gramps" again.
    • After the Remorath have broken into the control room, Coulson tries to tell May that he loves her, only for May to cut him off.
      Coulson: Look, May, this probably isn't the best time—
      May: It's not!
  • It’s pretty humorous realizing that the reason that Coulson and the team are unaware of the events of Avengers: Infinty War is simply because… they haven’t had the time to look at the news.

    The One Who Will Save Us All 
  • Daisy returned to her room but isn't in a good mood due to recent events. She's bewildered by a bunch of lemons on her bed and tells Deke that someone seems to have pranked her. Deke realizes that he's been tricked by Coulson and Mack earlier, and awkwardly claims that Fitz must have done it.
  • Talbot's description of the voices within the gravitonium is funny in context. Ian Quinn and Franklin Hall have driven both Creel and Ruby into screaming insanity and there was nothing they or anyone else could do about it. Talbot basically told them to shut up; "a bunch of dead losers making a ruckus; they needed a general to keep them in line."
  • Deke asks Daisy what's in the bag she has been carrying around. It's the absolutely casual delivery of both of them that sells it:
    Daisy: My mom.
    Deke: Ah.
  • Talbot gets annoyed with the Confederacy's use of tradition, and says they're like "a bunch of Democrats".

    The Force Of Gravity 
  • Yet again, Davis explains to someone how he survived Aida's rampage, but entirely offscreen (though it's implied he had some...thing that helped with it). Agent Kim's remark similarly implies he heard Davis' story multiple times, too.
  • As May and Coulson are about to try and escape, their cell door opens. Their savior is Deke. But instead of the tall-standing, confident rescuer image any of the other agents would cut, Deke is hunched over and panting, holding a blunt object as he gripes that the Remorath are really hard to beat up.
  • Deke getting the third degree from Coulson and May for barely being able to read any of the alien writing which was also on the Lighthouse in the future.
    Deke: Well, they don't teach you the language. I can count to five.
    Coulson: You lived there for decades and you know five numbers?!
    Deke: [defensively] I also know "zero", so no, I know six numbers!
  • May and Coulson finally have their Big Damn Kiss... while hiding behind the energy shield in his robot hand as a Remorath shoots at them.
    • Daisy runs up, apparently having heard the gunshots, and pauses to stare slack-jawed at the kiss for several seconds before remembering to go fight the Remorath. Afterwards, she smirks happily at the couple.
    • After Daisy subdues the Remorath, Deke walks in just as Coulson and May finish their kiss, leaving Deke the one with a Jaw Drop at the sight. As he follows May to the bridge, he eyes Coulson with a look that says "that must have been some lemon".
    • Later, as Daisy is patching up Coulson on the Zephyr:
      Daisy: So... you made out with May.
      Coulson [innocently] Did I?
    • And Coulson explains his reasoning to May:
  • May and Qovas have an epic and intense fight scene...while Deke is rolling under their blades and trying mostly just to not freak out and to stay alive.
  • While running around the alien's ship May lampshades either the show's limited budget or how shows often reuse sets.

    The End 
  • At the end of the episode, Coulson goes to the real Tahiti to spend what time he has left with May. She asks if there is anything else on his bucket list, and he tells that there is "Just one".
    May: Parasailing?
    Coulson: Always wanted to try it.
  • For a bit of Grave Humor, Coulson's memorial plaque says:
    In remembrance of our fearless leader
    Phillip J. Coulson
    He gave us his wisdom, his love, and his life
    (A couple of times)

Season Six

     Missing Pieces 

     Window of Opportunity 
  • During May's brawl with Sarge's group, she blocks off the portal leading to the jewelry store's vault just before Snowflake can rejoin the fray, causing the latter to smack right into the truck's wall and fall unconscious to the floor.

     Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson 
  • Upon hearing the description of Kitson, Piper notes that it sounds like Florida.
  • When Daisy, Jemma, and Davis eat some of the alien treats that Enoch had prevented Fitz from snacking on earlier, the three experienced SHIELD agents start behaving like giggling stoners while experiencing some of the most surreal hallucinations imaginable.
    • After making their way to the bar, Jemma asks why they came here anyway. Daisy reminds her that they're on a mission...ladies night!
    • After noting that Jemma had such a big "nerd face" when they first met, Daisy asks if she's in House Gryffindor. Jemma responds that it's actually House Ravenclaw. She really isn't Hermione.
    • The episode brings back Fitz's love for monkeys in the weirdest way possible: by having Jemma hallucinate a tiny Fitz dressed as a monkey dancing on her straw.
      Jemma: Hello, little monkey Fitz!
    • At one point, the stoned Daisy tells Jemma how much she cherishes their friendship, only to turn and see that Jemma left at some point, and she's been rambling to an alien gambler, who then hits on her.
    • After hearing a sound that only registers to humans, Daisy and Jemma realize that Fitz is in the casino, and immediately move to stand up...and hit their heads on the table they're still under.
    • When the Chronicom hunters arrive at the bar, Daisy tries to quake them, but her aim is off because she's still stoned. So Jemma has to aim for her.
      Jemma: (grabbing Daisy's hand) I've got you. Fire!
    • After flooring one of the Chronicoms, Daisy tells Jemma to go find Fitz, giving her version of Tony Stark's "Because if we can't protect the Earth you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it":
      Daisy: If I can't quake it, I'll break it!
    • After being forced onto a table, Daisy split kicks two, then gives a little victory spin on the table. This causes the table's spinning feature to activate.
    • It also leads to us getting this gem, when a still stoned Jemma is trying to convince the bouncer that she needs to get into the room where Fitz is.
      Jemma: The dolphin told me in a secret message only I can hear.
      Bouncer: ...Lady, you need to stay off those puffs.
      Jemma: Is it that obvious?
      Bouncer: You've been under that table for 20 minutes!
  • Enoch's existential crisis after learning he's been decommissioned, especially since his stoic, matter-of-fact cadence makes him into a Cold Ham.
    Enoch: I'm a speck of dust in the infinite. An afterthought in the worm-ridden mind of the black void.
  • The fact that there's an alien who's blood is mostly sulfur is actually pretty cool. That alien being killed over what is essentially a game of Blackjack is horrifying. Fitz then tearing the alien's arm off and using the stump to paint the door to the room so he and Enoch can blow it off its hinges? That's one of the moments that takes the line and plays Double Dutch with it.
    • Arguably worse: the alien's species are called Crepitolians. However, the way Enoch pronounces it sounds exactly like Crap-itolian, which makes the stinky sulfuric blood joke even funnier.
  • At the end of the episode, FitzSimmons are finally reunited, only for the hunter to teleport in and kidnap Fitz before teleporting out. Jemma is staring in horrified confusion, wondering if what she just saw really happened...then Enoch walks out of the still smoking game room, sees Jemma, and utters a genuinely confused "Jemma Simmons? You should not be here." before ending the episode.

     Code Yellow 
  • Deke's Framework video game involves fighting the Kree aboard the Lighthouse... and a flirtatious Daisy throwing herself on him. Later, when he uses the game to take out Jaco and Mack sees its version of Daisy, he gives Deke a mile-long stare that combines shock, disgust, and anger.
    • Then there's Jaco's perspective. First he's in an office building, then he's in a strange corridor surrounded by various alien species (including Remorath and Kree), then a strange woman confronts him, smacks him, then hugs him. Poor guy doesn't even know where to begin processing what the hell is going on.
  • Just the fact that Deke is running a startup company that's reverse engineering technology he grew up with in 2091.
  • Benson's reaction to autopsying one of the parasite victims.
    Benson: This is the strangest autopsy I've conducted since... the last one. Who expects to see a man in a wall? Or a wall in a man?
  • Deke is less concerned over a Coulson twin trying to kill him then learning right-hand man Trevor has been an undercover SHIELD agent this whole time.
    Deke: At least tell me you didn't let me win at "Remorath Rumble."
    Trevor: Okay. I won't tell you that.
    • Deke is now convinced Trevor was faking "freezing up" at an "escape room" trip and could have solved it in record time.
  • After Mack takes out Pax in a fight, Deke shoots him repeatedly with an ICEr even though he's already unconscious, with Mack look at him in annoyance. And when Jaco comes in moments later, Deke tries to shoot him, only to find that the ICEr is out of ammunition.
    • Sequoia's reaction to meeting Mack.
      Deke: This is Mack, he's-
      Sequoia: Really tall and muscular.
      Deke: (annoyed) ...An agent of SHIELD.
  • The Stinger is Deke's girlfriend Sequoia's Instagram video of the events of the episode, including music and emojis.
    • The cherry-on-top is the not so subtle implication that she's dumped Deke in favor of Trevor, the SHIELD agent Mack assigned to babysit Deke.
    • When Sarge and his squad arrive at the company, she initially mistakes them for a group of mocap actors.

     The Other Thing 
  • Enoch is still in his Heroic BSoD, causing Davis to question if they can just switch him off.
  • Trevor notes that Deke is knocked out while recovering from the previous episode, and quips that it's nice to finally have him quiet.
  • The normally eloquent Enoch actually refers to Fitz as his "bestie" upon seeing him again.
  • Once again, Piper and Davis manage to keep up their Like an Old Married Couple-level bickering in spite of how dire the circumstances are.

  • Fitz's startled yelp when the virtual world turns Jemma into a seven year old.
    • And all of his subsequent aggravated interactions with the now little girl.
    • He stops Jemma's interest in reading a bedtime story from the Darkhold by saying it's "a bad book. Poorly written."
    • How does Fitz get child!Jemma angry enough that she turns back to normal? Mention Aida.
  • Jemma reveals that she's been suppressing all her negative emotions since childhood, or as she puts it, keeps everything "neat and tidy". Scottish Fitz's reaction is to state that she's "so English".
  • The shouting match FitzSimmons goes through in the containment pod is mainly pretty turbulent, but there are a few moments of levity.
      • Fitz's enthusiastically desperate hand flaps and frustrated tone absolutely sell the reaction.
    • When they reach the subject of their egos, Fitz remarks that Evil!Jemma is currently eating at Mack's face. Jemma heads over to the window to see, clearly not believing him but the expression she had suggests that, yep, that's exactly what she's doing.
    • Jemma accidentally triggers Fitz's memory of being trapped at the bottom of the ocean, causing water to explode out the containment pod's vents.
    • After they finally work out their issues, FitzSimmons step out of the containment pod to face their evil selves... who, as a result of said therapy, are now vigorously making out. FitzSimmons can only tilt their heads at the bizarre sight, especially once they realize they're acting out something Fitz had no idea Jemma was into.
      Fitz: What. The Hell?
      Jemma: Okay...o-okay.
      Fitz: That... is abso—whoa!
      (Jemma covers her mouth in shock when the Doctor and Nightmare Simmons fall to the floor as their making out turns to full sex, while FitzSimmons tilt their heads upon realizing what their counterparts are doing.)
      Fitz: Oh. Oh, wow! Didn't know you liked that.
      Jemma: (eyes widening) Didn't know you'd do that.
  • With FitzSimmons stabilizing their relationship and psyches, Atarah reveals how much time passed in the real world: five minutes, 33 seconds. That has to be a record as far as couples counseling goes. Especially when one considers just what FitzSimmons have been put through in the past five seasons.
  • Enoch's Badass Boast after taking out the other Chronicoms is both awesome and weirdly endearing.
    Enoch: I have taken bold action.
    • And when he activates the teleportation device:
      Enoch: Embrace me!
  • Just as they're escaping the Chronicoms, Jemma mentions to Fitz that they have a grandson. He's only able to get out a dumbfounded "what?" before they're teleported away.
  • During The Stinger, Mack tries to very dramatically tell Daisy that the Shrike are on Earth, only for her to cut him off as she figures out what he's about to say.

  • After bringing Sarge in, May explains what Sarge told her to the rest of the team. While a little more animated when explaining what Sarge told her about himself, once May reaches the Shrike and the potential destruction of Earth, she starts to sound more bored than anything else.
  • Enoch is unfamiliar with how to use the teleportation device, so it takes him and FitzSimmons back to the casino in Kitson. Where they are wanted fugitives. And before he can reprogram the teleporter, a patron plays around with it and is boom-ed away.
  • When discussing what he plans to do with them, Kitson explains that Enoch is far too valuable to kill, so he'll be put to the brothels. Guess Enoch wasn't lying when he told Fitz he'd make a good prostitute!
    • As usual, Enoch himself is the gift that keeps on giving. His response to being told where he's going to be working is absolutely priceless.
      Enoch: (sounding a little, um, "dazed") I do not know what I am feeling.

     Collision Course (Part 1) 
  • The episode's official description got some laughs when it described the Big Bad as "the galaxy-hopping hate beast". Even better in that this is used In-Universe when Daisy describes Izel as such.
  • After Mack refers to Jaco as "The Big Guy", noting that he usually doesn't have to deal with people bigger than him, Yo-Yo teases him by saying he now knows how everyone else feels about him.
  • Daisy wonderfully keeps a dry face when Sarge asks what fighting skills she has and she states "I can hold my own."
    • When Daisy says she's a "hacker," Snowflake eagerly asks if that means "you hack off limbs."
  • When Mack mentions the 2% share of Deke's company that he was offered as a bribe to keep quiet about his VR game's portrayal of Daisy, Deke tries to write it off as a joke. Mack then threatens to tell Daisy after all, getting Deke to bump the share up to 10% and agree to help on the mission.
    • Prior to this, Deke said he can't join the mission because he has responsibilities to his employees, his shareholders, and his masseuse. He also mentions that he has a personal shaman to give him spiritual advice.
  • While Deke is napping on the truck on the way to intercept the Shrike, Snowflake suddenly corners him, clamps a hand over his mouth, and makes an ominous comment about "spilling [his] soul open". A while later, Daisy and May realize they haven't seen Deke in a while, and upon hearing his cries rush to find... him and Snowflake in the middle of sex. To the utter disgust of the two agents.
    • Sarge is just as disgusted as May and Daisy are.
      Sarge: Really, Snow? I liked it better when you killed them.
  • After Sarge threatens Deke into fixing the Shrike repeller, Sarge then turns around and, without a hint of anger in his voice, asks if May or Daisy would like anything for breakfast.
    Sarge: (to Deke, angrily) I expect it to work. If we face her without it, we'll all end up as hosts. FIX IT! (to Daisy and May, calmly) Morning. Anyone hungry?
  • Fitz's disbelief that Jemma's prior experience with the puffs made her see a tiny him dancing in a monkey suit.
  • Fitz has had many rivals (both real and perceived) for Jemma's affections, but the strangest has to be his own time doppelgänger, including taking potshots at Alternate Fitz for leaving Jemma unsatisfied on their wedding night. She in turn can't believe the absurdity that he's essentially jealous of himself, which Fitz fully acknowledges he's all too aware of.
  • May asks about Izel's motivations, Sarge sums it up as hate for all living things. Daisy asks what Sarge's motivation is:
    Sarge: Love.
    (Beat as Daisy and May give him disbelieving stares)
    Sarge: No, it's hate. That's my thing too.
  • Sarge explains his plan to kill Izel: kill her with a sword.
    Daisy: A Galaxy hoping hate-beast that eats planets, and you want to defeat her with a, um, Sword?
    Sarge: (sincerely) It's sharp. Feel it.
  • Maybe it's relative, but there's something funny about English Jemma calling someone "Mr. Toad."
  • How easily Yo-Yo manages to stop Pax and Jaco's escape attempt, leaving them dumbfounded.
    • The only problem Yo-Yo experiences is getting Jaco back in the containment pod. Not because he can stop her, but because Jaco is too big and heavyset to move with just one Super Speed push (it takes her two).

     Collision Course (Part 2) 
  • The gang demand to know what Sarge's device does.
    Snowflake: All he said was the slightest impact will split the smallest unit of matter in half which makes a big noise.
    Daisy: An atom bomb. You just described an atom bomb!
    Snowflake: I hear it's pretty.
  • When Sarge's rig crashes into the Shrike tower, Daisy manages to keep the atom bomb from exploding by quaking it at a frequency that keeps it exactly still. Daisy, May, Deke, and Snowflake all let out sighs of relief...and then Snowflake jumps into Deke's arm, where they begin kissing. Daisy and May groan in disgust, and the looks on their faces say that they almost want to let the bomb go off.
    • Later, when Deke and Snowflake are being Sickeningly Sweethearts:
      Daisy: I don't know which one has worse taste.
      May: She's the serial killer.
  • As the Shrike are circling the rig, Snowflake says that she can feel a lot of negative energy around. May sarcastically quips "Great insight, thanks". Snow's face lights up like it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her.
  • After May stabs a Shrike right before it goes into Deke's mouth, she laments that she was "this close to shutting you up".
  • FitzSimmons are hiding from the Shrike-infested crew inside a cramped cargo container. Out of the blue, Fitz tells Jemma "You smell nice". Jemma's face is a weird combination of "You're talking about this now?" and "Aw, that's sweet".
  • While boarding the ship to rescue FitzSimmons, Mack reminds Jaco that they are not to kill any of the crew. When Jaco shoots a crew member on reflex, Mack lays into him...only for the Shrike-infested crewman to get back up.
    Mack: Never mind, good call.
  • Fitz's reunion with Team Coulson leads to some funny moments.
    • Mack is so excited he Bear Hugs Fitz so tightly Fitz complains about the pain.
    • Deke calls Fitz by the nickname "Bobo," and says how much he missed Fitz and that it's so good to see him, even though this Fitz has never met Deke. It's still a better first impression than selling Daisy to Kasius.
  • After rescuing FitzSimmons, Jaco makes a portal for the team to escape:
    Jemma: I like you.
    Jaco: Well, that's because I'm likable.

  • Yo-Yo has May recount what she remembers from before she blacked out and shot Sarge.
    May: There were beers and toasts. Davis was hammered. You and Mack were clearly about to have sex...
    Yo-Yo gives her a look
    May: You asked me what I remember.
  • When Davis is walking through the events surrounding his blackout, he mentions that May was acting "sweet" when he encountered her.
    Yo-Yo: Melinda May was sweet? (to Daisy) Does that word have another meaning?
    • When Daisy and Yo-Yo go to see Davis, they find him sleeping it off in his room, mentioning that he can't party like he used to, and ruefully noting that he survived "the great puff incident of 2019"
      Yo-Yo: (looks at Daisy in confusion)
      Daisy: (shakes her head as if to say "Don't Ask").
  • May's reaction when filled in on Izel's actions.
    Mack: We got a body swapping alien on the loose.
    May: Of course we do.
  • When the group is recounting things only they and one other person would know, to try and identify who's possessed by Izel, Davis' big secret revealed by Daisy is that on one of the alien planets the team visited, he... stole a pen.
    Deke: A pen?
    Davis: A space pen! Aliens write things, I didn't know that.
    Daisy: Davis is clear. And ridiculous.
  • When Fitz mentions Ghost Rider to Deke:
    Deke: Is he called that because he's a ghost who rides people?
    • Fitz, having witnessed the Spirit of Vengeance moving from host to host twice, decides that this is actually a pretty apt description.
  • When Deke repeatedly mentions Fitz's time doppelganger coined the rather ridiculous term Fear Dimension, Fitz responds by saying he's the "smart one" of him and his doppelganger, still jealous of himself. Even May can't believe what she's hearing.

     From the Ashes 
  • After Jemma tells Daisy that she shouldn't keep bottling her emotions up from Coulson's death, Daisy goes down to interrogate Sarge...then snaps his neck by quaking him. When Jemma calls her on the intercom and demands an explanation:
    Daisy: I took your advice. Stopped keeping things bottled up.
    Jemma: I meant a little emotional honesty, not murder!

     The Sign 
  • Fitz often gets frustrated with Deke in this episode.
    • After they argue about Deke's worth, he uses his work-in-progress teleporter to jump to the temple. Later when he tries to return after getting the Shrike's attention, he only ends up on the other side of the corridor. Fitz shouts that it needs time for recharging. Deke asks why didn't he tell him that sooner to which he screams "YOU JUMPED AWAY!"
    • While hiding from the Shrike Deke gets the inspiration to create an unique game no one ever played before which would mainly feature zombies. Simmons hesitates for a second before encouraging him to go for it while Fitz just sighs.
    • Deke has to run across the jungle to head to the Zephyr and needs directions. Then doesn't know which way is West.
      Fitz: Towards the bloody sun!
  • When Deke first goes on a rant about how nobody at S.H.I.E.L.D. like him, he continues with saying that his girlfriend was a sociopath. Jemma tries to say that Snowflake wasn't good for Deke, who then clarifies that he was talking about Sequoia.
  • After Mack and Elena assure Flint that the present is much better than the future he came from, Flint declares his intent to reverse one of the most horrific features of the Lighthouse: eat a taco. Mack then promises to take Flint to a drive through....Flint then asks what a drive through is.
  • Mack and Daisy get into an argument (Mack is angry Daisy brought Sarge along, Daisy is mad Mack evacuated Flint, who may be artificial). Elena asks if this is the best time to have this argument, not just because Izel is about to open a portal to the Fear Dimension...but because the Shrike have overrun the Zephyr One and are trying to break down the door to the conference room the three have taken refuge in at that very moment.

     New Life 
  • When the Chronicoms have seemingly taken over the S.H.I.E.L.D. base, Isaiah enters and FitzSimmons prepare themselves to pull a Heroic Sacrifice with the grenades. Then "Isaiah" reveals who he really is by shooting the other two Chronicoms, and drops what may be one of the best lines in the entire series in Enoch's voice:
    Enoch: (In Isaiah's body) I find that "bluffing" is easier if you kill someone and take their skin.
  • As Enoch explains that he has a plan to stop the Hunters, he says that it will require FitzSimmons doing the hardest thing they will ever do. What is the response of our heroic couple? One of annoyance.
    (talking over each other)
    Fitz: (bored) Yeah, yeah.
    Jemma: (annoyed) Oh, that again.

Season Seven

     The New Deal 
  • Deke is shocked to learn about Prohibition, stating that even the Kree let their enslaved humans make their own hootch.
  • When they're surrounded by gunmen in the speakeasy, Mack is less than impressed by Coulson's plan to just walk up to and threaten them.
    Coulson: I'm already dead.
    Mack: (panicked) The hell I'm not!
  • After Deke explains his version of the possible consequences of altering history, Mack immediately warns him not to file any new patents.
  • Jemma gets angry at Deke for stealing a truck. Deke immediately protests getting singled out, especially since Daisy is with him in the truck.
    Jemma: You stole a truck?! That's the opposite of keeping a low profile!
    Deke: Why me? There's two of us!
  • Mack geeks out over all of FDR's accomplishments... to someone actually from the 30s who has no idea what he's talking about.
  • While preparing to interrogate one of the Chronicoms, Jemma smugly points out that they're just hardware and software. Enoch, who is standing right there, snippily calls that "rude".
  • Daisy's on the nose choice of a Pre-Asskicking One-Liner before smacking a Chronicom with a pipe:
    Daisy: 1930s baseball reference.
  • Enoch goes to check on May, only to find out she's gone from the pod. Enoch bemoans the situation with a meme....
    Enoch: You had one job, Enoch.

     Know Your Onions 
  • Koenig provides quite a few moments:
    • Being totally confused when the team starts talking to Enoch over a radio, looking around to figure out where his voice is coming from.
    • Telling Jemma to cut to the chase when she starts off on some technobabble.
    • Totally geeking out over seeing the Zephyr, assuming that the SHIELD team are Martians.
  • Enoch, as always, provides several moments of his own:
    • When he tries to sedate May, she grabs the needle and injects him with it. As he's a robot, it doesn't affect him, and he just gives a deadpan "Ouch".
    • When he's trying to stop May from leaving the Zephyr, and reveals he's upgraded himself with Hunter combat training, we get this exchange:
    May: A machine's still just a machine.
    Enoch: There's no need for us to get personal.
    • After Koenig is shot by Freddie but states that the only thing wounded is his faith in humanity, Enoch states that he doesn't know how to fix that.


     M.A.O.S. Declassified 
  • The Declassified online show are basically funny recaps hosted by Brett Erlich.
  • The Girl in the Flower Dress recap has several funny moments.
    • One of the skits is Brett being flirtatious with two ladies, and getting taken away by men in suits for being flirtatious both times. He also tries looking at stuff on his smart phone, but still gets kidnapped by men in suits.
    • Also, on the fact that Skye was given a Walking Techbane bracelet, Brett advertises multi colored bracelets.
      Brett: You want green? You want purple? You want glurple?! That's not a color.
    • The Verizon question: "Who do you think is better for Skye? Miles, the "hackavist" or Brett, the real-life host of M.A.O.S Declassified?"

  • Composer Bear McCreary's video blog about how he works hard to create majesty on a daily basis.
  • In an interview of Brett Dalton with concerning Ward's Face–Heel Turn, Brett comments on how the night he found out he was asked to meet with the writers after shooting. This being a Joss Whedon show, he immediately started worrying.
    Brett: And you know I'm on a Joss Whedon show, so from the very beginning I'm not unaware of the fact that my position on the team was not a guarantee.
  • The cast of the show received an early screening of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Reportedly, after they finished watching, they immediately asked whether they still had jobs.
    • The cast were given pages that revealed Ward's treachery. Chloe Bennet and Ming-Na Wen's recreation of their reactions to the revelation at PaleyFest 2014 brought the house down.
      Chloe Bennet: She and I started crying. We read it and I said, "What a motherfucker! I kissed him!"
      Ming-Na Wen: And I said, "Well I fucked him!"
  • During the "Assembling a Universe" special, Clark Gregg talks about meeting with Joss Whedon during the filming of The Avengers, and having Whedon tell him that his character is basically The Heart of the Avengers, and that his role is very important to the plot of the film. Gregg is flattered for a moment... until he realizes that it's Joss Whedon telling him this, and he knows what happens to The Heart in his movies...
    Clark Gregg: Joss? Is this going to be my last Marvel movie?
  • The cast being asked to do impressions of their favorite S.H.I.E.L.D. agents from the MCU (barring their own character, of course). Chloe Bennett's extended impression of Simmons should win extra points for being done in a wonderfully inaccurate Cockney accent.
  • Brett Dalton's love of being an incorrigible Pungeon Master while live-tweeting during each episode is a sight to behold.
  • The bloopers. Highlights include a Charlie's Angels impersonation, Ming-Na panting like a dog, and everyone (specially Chloe Bennett) frequently struggling to keep a straight face.
  • Shortly after revealing Mockingbird exists in the MCU, but before revealing that she is in for rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D. one of the Koenigs wonders if she asked about him and accuses the other of pretending to be him, much to the second one's exasperation. After learning that Mockingbird is in, he becomes flustered and leaves to prepare HQ.
    • The Koenig who got killed by Ward was "Eric", the one introduced at the end of Season 1 is "Billy", and now the one who takes over the orientation from him is called "Sam"... that's right, there's a third Koenig brother, and all of them work for S.H.I.E.L.D. "Family resemblance" just took on a whole new meaning.
      • Lampshaded by Triplett in the Season 2 premiere, who complains about how Billy Koenig keeps talking about his numerous brothers.
  • Ming-Na Wen and Brett Dalton taking the Ice Bucket Challenge all while rocking their respective S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA T-Shirts.
  • At the panel at San Diego Comic Con 2014, a child brings out The Destroyer gun in front of the panel, much to the delight of the crowd.
  • When Henry Simmons was cast as Mack, the producers couldn't resist a few lame jokes on the fact that there was already a lead character named "Simmons" in the show. It gets funny once Henry Simmons' character meets the character named Simmons... and the two can't stand one another.
  • The featurette about "The Asset" shows that as Chloe Bennett jumped into the pool, Brett Dalton was holding a plaque akin to a diving judge. Chloe complains that he just gave her an 8 or 9, because "I'd give him a 10 if he jumped into a pool in a pink dress!"
  • When Patton Oswalt was offered the role as Eric Koenig, he thought his character would be M.O.D.O.K., of all things:
    Patton Oswalt: When they first told me the character’s name, I’ll admit the first thing I did is I went on Wikipedia and looked up the M.O.D.O.K. character to see if Koenig was maybe his name before he became M.O.D.O.K., but it wasn't. They keep on talking about the Clairvoyant in the show and I’m like, ‘is that M.O.D.O.K.? Am I M.O.D.O.K.?
  • During the 2015 San Diego Comic-Con, the casts of both Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Agent Carter started a "Dubsmash War". Absolute highlight: "We Are the Champions" by the S.H.I.E.L.D. crew, culminating in Clark Gregg dressed as Peggy Carter.
  • The cast was asked what S.H.I.E.L.D. stood for!
  • This entire panel. Highlights include their unabashed love for Iain and Brett's obsession with dinosaur rights.


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