Gaara and Harry would both move mountains for their precious people. Little wonder they're related. Look out, Wizarding World, the Kazekage is coming, and the Desert follows in his footsteps!
Hearts Are All as False as Stairs of Sand —Shakespeare
is a Harry Potter / Naruto crossover fanfiction written by slyfoxcub. The story starts as Harry receives a letter informing him of his relation to Gaara. There are a few more letters, until Gaara decides to pay Harry a visit in person.
Hasn’t been updated since February 2019.
Hearts Are All as False as Stairs of Sand —Shakespeare provides examples of:
- Ascended Extra: Both Kankuro and Baki have achieved audience popularity almost unwittingly. Kankuro now has an omake series.
- Badass Crew: Baki's team from the Hourglass side-stories, who have made some appearances in the main story so far.
- Badass Family: The Sand Siblings.
- Beleaguered Bureaucrat: Baki becomes this off-screen, but this leads everyone to believe that his headaches and growing temper are just a result of overwork, not the head injury he's been ignoring.
- Benevolent Boss: Gaara. By definition he's a dictator, but you can't accuse him of being a tyrant. He usually lets the shinobi do whatever crazy hobbies they want, enabling a select few. But they fear him enough to hint that he's not afraid to put his foot down.
- Big, Screwed-Up Family:
- Kankuro fully admits that this is what Harry's relationship with the Sand Siblings is most likely going to end up as.
- Technically, all of the shinobi in Sunagakure. Gaara says it's like running herd on hyperactive five-year-olds.
- Bullying the Dragon: Lucius Malfoy goes all high and mighty on Kankuro. Kankuro is not impressed, but fortunately can't be bothered to put in serious effort since Malfoy Sr. doesn't scare him. Instead, he delivers a "The Reason You Suck" Speech.
- A Child Shall Lead Them: Gaara became Godaime Kazekage at thirteen.
- Half-Truth: When Neville asks who Gaara is, Harry replies that they're related through his mother.
- Emergency Authority: Baki, whenever Gaara isn't in the Village. The Hourglass side-stories hint that his Nom de Guerre of 'Kaze no Ken' is actually his official title, enabling to run the Village if the Kazekage is indisposed.
- Enraged by Idiocy: Both Gaara and Kankuro when they hear about the Dementor attack.
- I Am Who?: Harry finds out he's half-brother to Gaara, the Godaime Kazekage.
- Identical Stranger: Gaara has red hair and green eyes. Even if the shades are slightly different, the resemblance to Lily is definitely there.
- I Need a Freaking Drink: Gaara and Kankuro purchase a homicidal vampire owl, stressing out the (vampire)shop-owner into declaring that he's taking a holiday tomorrow.
- Intergenerational Friendship: Baki is old enough to be Gaara's father, but they view each other more as equals.
- Jurisdiction Friction: Ragnok the goblin orders Kankuro to leave the room. Kankuro replies that Gaara is his superior officer, who hasn't told him to leave. Gaara promptly tells Kankuro to leave.
- Lady and Knight: Baki and Rasa had this sort of relationship. Later, Baki transferred it to Gaara.
- Noodle Incident: Lots of oblique references to these.
- No One Could Survive That!: Lampshaded. Baki survived having both of Madara's meteors fall on top of him by going underground.
Word of God states that lots of other ninja did the same thing, lowering the death toll that the manga and anime implies. - Ominous Owl: Deciding to fit in with the Wizarding World(and also For Science!), Gaara and Kankuro purchase an owl. A large, intelligent, four-footed, vampiric one.
- Punishment Detail: In Sunagakure, it's to teach small children how to swim. Assassins have to teach small children. It's easy to imagine the socially awkward hilarity.
- Royals Who Actually Do Something: The Sand Siblings are technically royalty and boy do they do a lot.
- Secret Stab Wound: Baki soldiers through his concussion for roughly four months before collapsing; the symptoms were attributed to the extra stress he was enduring as Gaara's stand-in. Sort-of subverted. The worst of it was healed by medics when he first got it and he would have treated his headaches himself with basic healing jutsu. But the collective effect still won in the end.
- Strong Family Resemblance: Gaara with Lily and also the Sand Siblings with their father.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Kankuro gives a truly devastating one to Sirius Black.
- Warrior Prince: The Kazekage's children might technically be royalty, but being a civilian is never an option. All three of Rasa's children are strong rulers. Kankuro has command of the Puppeteers, Temari the Wind Corps and Gaara became Kazekage.
